Personal Practices

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Eyes on Healing: How Concentrated Focus Ignites the Path to Recovery

Rose 12/29/2023 02/05/2024

I have been having recurring thoughts on the subject of focus. It keeps coming up, multiple times a day. At first, I didn’t pay much attention, however, it kept coming up. I started paying attention. As a result, I have been doing some research on the subject of focus and the role it plays in the healing process. Each year I choose one word, one aspect of my own healing process to focus on. Because of the recurring thoughts and my research, this year my word is FOCUS.

I left my first marriage after years of physical, mental, and emotional abuse. Those first few years were very difficult. I spent a lot of time focusing on the injustices, the abuse against me, my fears, and the pain of my emotions. Every time I focused on the abuse and the battles, I suffered. I spent a lot of years suffering. I spent a lot of years confused and lost. I was one of the walking wounded.

It wasn’t until I began to focus on myself, discovering my strengths, desires and dreams that I stopped suffering. I began to live, all because my focus had changed.

Tony Robbins and other thought leaders often quote, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” We can all find the bad things in life; however, we can also find the good. We get to choose what we focus on. Do you want to focus on all that happened to you or do you want to focus on learning to thrive in spite of the trauma you’ve experienced? We all have the ability to live a happy life. Focusing on what is good about you is a valuable place to start.

Elliott Connie, author of “The Solution Focused Brief Therapy Diamond” says that when a client focuses on the problem, the trauma, or the reason they reached out to him, they continue to suffer. There is no value in continuing to suffer. There is value in focusing on your best outcome, not a goal, but the outcome. What difference will your outcome make to your life?

Trauma often disrupts a person’s mental and emotional well-being, leading to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and a scattered mind. Focus, in the context of trauma healing is the intentional and concentrated attention directed towards the process of recovery. Focus involves mindfulness, defining your ideal outcomes, and the active reduction of distractions to create a conducive environment for healing.

Focus involves recognizing and nurturing the connection between the mind and body. Focus is about acknowledging the physical and emotional aspects of trauma and directing attention to activities or practices that promote holistic healing.

Distractions often hinder the healing process. We can become experts on personal distraction. Focusing on trauma healing means actively working to reduce and manage external and internal distractions. Any distraction can derail progress. A new relationship can derail your healing in a very big way. Focus also means maintaining a sense of presence and awareness even when facing challenges or triggers. It’s the ability to navigate difficult moments with a clear and intentional mindset.

Setting clear intentions is a key component of focus in trauma healing. This involves visualizing the desired outcome of the healing process and actively working towards that vision.

There is a definite mind-body connection connected to trauma. Focused attention on the mind-body connection is crucial to the healing process. Mindfulness practices are linked to reduced stress levels. When you concentrate on the present moment, it helps alleviate the physical and psychological impacts of stress, promoting a sense of calm. Focused attention fosters a strong mind-body connection. This connection empowers you to actively take part in your healing process, recognizing the interplay between emotional experiences and physical sensations.

Focused attention allows you to see and understand your emotions without judgment. Self-awareness is a key part of emotional regulation. Self-awareness enables you to respond to your feelings in a more controlled and constructive manner. You gain control over your emotions once again. What felt out of control is now manageable. Awareness is the key.

Focused attention encourages self-compassion by allowing you to approach your thoughts and emotions with kindness and understanding. This shift in perspective contributes to a more positive and nurturing relationship with yourself. The regular practice of focused attention techniques contributes to the development of resilience. Resilience equips you with tools to navigate challenges, bounce back from adversity, and cultivate a positive outlook on your healing journey. With focused attention your emotional well-being improves. Emotional well-being can positively affect your social interactions. You may find yourself better equipped to connect with others, express your needs, and build supportive relationships.

Trauma often disrupts sleep patterns. Focused attention, especially in relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation, contribute to improved sleep quality. Healing techniques such as Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy, that heal the body, mind and emotions are excellent therapies for better sleep patterns. Better sleep supports overall physical and emotional well-being. You can connect with Judy Johnston to book your Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy session.

Have you tried mindful breathing? Let us take one minute to engage in a mindful breathing exercise. When you do a mindful breathing exercise throughout your day you are focusing your attention on one thing. This calms your nervous system, any anxiety or angst, and teaches you how to focus on one thing and only one thing. I am providing a one-minute video with beautiful music to get you started.

WATCH AND LISTEN

Another mindfulness exercise you can do is a body scan meditation. In a body scan meditation, you pay attention to each part of your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head. Notice any sensations without judgment. This practice enhances body awareness and can help release tension. This is a 5-minute body scan meditation for you to try.

LAY DOWN AND LISTEN

If you like to walk, try mindful walking. Pay attention to the sensation of each step, the movement of your body, and the surrounding environment. Walking mindfully can help anchor you in the present moment. One of my loves is to mindfully walk through the bush, taking in the smells, the sights, the sounds, the feeling of the earth beneath my feet and the fresh air. Bookmark this meditation or download it to your phone, put on a pair of headphones and your comfortable walking shoes and head outside for a walk.

WALK AND LISTEN

Incorporate mindful movement practices into your routine. Activities like yoga, Tai Chi, or Qigong combine physical movement with breath awareness, promoting relaxation and flexibility.

YOGA FOR ANXIETY AND STRESS

TAI CHI

QIGONG

Cultivate a daily gratitude practice. Take a few moments each day to reflect on things you are grateful for. This practice shifts your focus towards the positive aspects of life, fostering a sense of appreciation. Journaling gratitude with a mindful approach involves seeing your day, your thoughts, and your emotions without judgment. Write down what you are grateful for. Take it a step further and write about your daily experiences, any aspirations you may have, and insights gained during the healing journey.

Be mindful and intentional about your use of technology. Take breaks from screens. Practice digital detoxification. Be mindful of the content you consume. Resist the urge to scroll mindlessly. At night, keep your phone in another room. If you use your phone as your alarm, set your phone on the other side of the room, out of reach or in the bathroom. Set the volume louder. You will hear it. You also have to get up to turn it off. Mindful technology use supports a healthier relationship with the digital world.

Remember that consistency is key when incorporating mindfulness practices into daily life. Start with small steps, gradually increasing the duration and variety of practices as they become integrated into your routine. The goal is to make mindfulness a natural part of your day, supplying ongoing support for your healing journey. These are just a few methods of mindfulness practices. Pick one to start. If you don’t like it move on to something else. This is your mindful practice. Make it as unique and beautiful as you are.

Focused healing requires concentrating on specific outcomes related to your recovery. This could involve setting intentions, naming areas that need attention, and working towards achieving milestones in your healing journey. This could include visualizing the life you want to have. Write down your dreams and desires. Do not judge what you write down. Do not try to figure out how you will achieve your dreams and desires. This practice is to develop your sense of self and open your heart up to possibilities. Keep your dreams and desires to yourself – at least for now. You do not want others to poop on your ideas. This is your healing journey. No one has any input into this journey but you. Judy and I are here to give you ideas and options. You decide how you want your healing journey to evolve.

In the tapestry of trauma healing, focus emerges as the guiding thread, weaving through the intricate patterns of recovery. Like a steady compass, intentional attention directs you towards the core of their healing journey, illuminating the path with clarity and purpose.

In the realm of mindfulness, the power of focused awareness becomes a transformative force, untangling the knots of emotional turmoil and grounding the mind in the present moment. Through practices that nurture this focus—be it mindful breathing, body scan meditations, or the intentional cultivation of gratitude—you not only control your healing but you also forge a profound connection between the realms of the physical and the emotional. With each deliberate breath, every step taken mindfully, and the conscious choice to navigate distractions, the importance of focus manifests as a catalyst for resilience and self-discovery. It is in this focused embrace of the present that the healing journey transcends mere recovery, evolving into a profound awakening where you confidently rediscover your essence and reclaim ownership of your narrative.

Personal Practices

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HEARTS DESIRE

Rose Brubacher 11/20/2023 11/19/2023

The amount of sunshine is decreasing here is the Northern Hemisphere. We are coming into a new season. The season of winter can affect us in many external ways. As I write this, I inhale some essential oil of peppermint to keep my focus, and some essential oil of orange to lift my mood and remind me of the joy within.

The preparation and celebration of Christmas is a part of the winter experience. I can remember my Mom putting the Christmas wish list up on the wall in our kitchen, in mid-month of November. It was above the cat corner, the area where the cats were fed. It was placed there as a reminder for us children to keep the cat’s dishes clean. Responsibility and reward, but that is a blog for another day.

We could put whatever we wanted on the Wish List. There were 7 squares and one square had a star on it. In that square you put what you most wanted or desired. There was not a guarantee that you would get the gift you most desired, but my Mom and Dad assured us, we could write whatever we wanted in that space. I remember excitedly flipping through the Sears catalogue, trying to decide what it is was that I really wanted.

I recall this story for you as we come to the close of the year because it is beneficial to pause, reflect and ask ourselves “What do I really, really want?” In the next few weeks, we will be bombarded with ads, flyers, commercials on Facebook, Instagram, TV, and your phone. It has already started – the attempt to entice us to buy the next big thing. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that the world of commerce depends on people buying stuff. Yes, companies manufacture, and market many items supplying jobs for many people.

What I am contemplating here is the internal verses the external. At a time when in many ways we can choose anything, what is it that we want? So often our lives and decisions are based upon what other’s want. What must we do to please someone else? What is expected of me? If it pleases us to be of service to another, that is great and fulfilling. If we are doing so out of obligation, societal expectation or with a martyr complex, this is not good for us. It creates a dissonance which affects us at a cellular level.

If you could have anything, what would it be?

You get to choose. You can choose something that is different from what the culture is telling you is important. You can choose what is right for you. It takes focus, intention, even meditation to find what it is we are seeking. You may need to get away from the noise so you can truly ask yourself “What do I desire?” and wait to listen for the answer. The concept of “Ask and you will receive” is a universal truth. The wisdom and love that exists in your heart, will bring you the answer you seek.

I have even discovered that when I ask for help, or counsel, or advice to make the right decision, it comes and often quite quickly. The trick is to ask. We also need to quiet our mind so we can hear the answer.

Let’s do a little mental exercise.

Find a comfortable place to sit. Sit on the floor with your legs crossed or in a chair/couch with your feet on the floor. Grab a blanket or cushion so as to be comfortable. Turn off your electronics. Read this part first, then turn off your electronics.

Take a deep breath and exhale.
Inhale and exhale being conscious of your breath.
Close your eyes.
Allow your shoulders to drop down, relaxing your jaw, neck and face.
Feel the breath extend to your abdomen.
Think of a beautiful space, perhaps a garden or a seaside.
Feel the peace of that environment.
Immerse yourself in the beauty of that space.
Inhale the scents, feel the breeze, touch the plants, trees, or water.
Feel relaxed and peaceful.
In a calm voice, ask yourself, What do I desire?
Rest comfortably and wait.

You may get a picture in your mind. You may get a feeling. You may get a word. It is unique to you and for you.

Breath calmly.

When you are ready, leave your imagined garden or beach. As you come back to conscious surroundings, remember you can go back to the garden of your mind anytime. Well, not while you are driving, but whenever you feel you want to experience that peace, calm, and the wisdom that is there.

This is one technique that Rose and I use to calm our minds so we can create our purpose driven work. Purebioenergy Healing Therapy is used to calm the mind, release pain and tension and heal all levels to create wholeness. I made the decision to be a Certified Purebioenergy Healing Therapist because what I really, really want is to serve people by helping others and myself heal. As we heal our internal wounds, we open our hearts to live at our fullest potential. Rose and I know that by educating, encouraging and elevating those who are struggling to overcome the effects experienced after a traumatic life event serves so many people. It brings us joy to do so. It is our heart’s desire.

Go and make your own wish list with many squares and stars on it. In one of the squares, write your heart’s desire. This is the season to rejoice.

Personal Practices

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GRATITUDE

Rose 10/10/2023 02/05/2024

Here in Canada, we just finished celebrating Thanksgiving. There are many traditions that accompany Thanksgiving including turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, family gatherings, stretchy pants, and walks in the park. The changing colours of Fall always leave me in awe, even though I am never ready for the cooler weather. Thanksgiving is a time for reflection. We reflect on the blessings in our lives and the abundance of the harvest. This reflection is called “being grateful”. Why do we take one day a year to reflect on being grateful?

Gratefulness is a powerful and positive emotion that involves recognizing and appreciating the good things in your life. It’s about feeling thankful for the people, experiences, and blessings that you have, rather than focusing on what you lack or the challenges you face.

Gratitude can take many forms, from expressing thanks to someone who has helped you to simply acknowledging the beauty of a sunset or the taste of a delicious meal. Gratitude is a mindset, not just a polite gesture. Gratitude is a way of looking at the world that can have intense effects on your overall well-being.

Practicing gratitude has many benefits, including improved mental and emotional well-being, reduced stress, increased resilience, and stronger relationships. When you cultivate a sense of gratefulness, you shift your focus from what’s missing in your life to what you have. Implanting a gratefulness practice can lead to greater happiness and contentment.

Gratefulness aligns well with your personal development, healing, and self-awareness, which are areas of interest to us in this movement. The practice of gratefulness can significantly change your mindset by shifting your perspective and helping you develop a more positive and appreciative outlook on life.

Gratefulness can bring about positive changes in anyone’s life. Gratefulness can improve your mental health. Practicing gratitude can help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. When you focus on the positive aspects of your life, it can counteract negative thought patterns and boost your overall mental well-being.

Gratefulness can enhance your emotional well-being. Gratitude can lead to increased feelings of happiness and contentment. It can help you savour the good moments and experiences in your life, leading to a more positive emotional state.

A gratitude practice can reduce stress. Being grateful can reduce stress levels by shifting your attention away from worries and anxieties. It helps you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing the impact of stressors.

Gratitude can give you increased resilience. Grateful individuals tend to be more resilient in the face of adversity. Grateful individuals are better equipped to handle challenges and setbacks because they have a more optimistic outlook on life.

Practicing gratitude builds better relationships. Expressing gratitude towards others can strengthen your relationships. It fosters a sense of connection and appreciation, which can lead to deeper and more meaningful bonds with friends, family, and colleagues.

Gratefulness can boost your self-confidence. We can all use a self-confidence boost regularly. Gratitude can boost your self-esteem and self-confidence. When you focus on your strengths and the positive aspects of your life, you develop a more positive self-image. When you have a positive self-image, you possess self-confidence.

The practice of gratitude can enhance your physical health. There is evidence to suggest that grateful individuals may experience physical health benefits such as better sleep, lower blood pressure, and a stronger immune system. These physical improvements contribute to overall well-being.

Would you like to increase the odds of achieving your goals? Grateful people are often more motivated to pursue their goals. When you appreciate the good things in your life, you’re more likely to set and work toward achieving new ones.

Gratitude encourages mindfulness, which is the practice of being fully present in the moment. This can lead to a deeper connection with your surroundings and a greater sense of self-awareness. There is a lot of talk these days on being mindful and present. When you practice gratitude, you are fully present in the moment. When you’re mindful of the good things in your life, you become more aware of the here and now, which can reduce rumination on past regrets or worries about the future. When the old ghosts decide to pay you a visit and your mind drifts to the “if onlyies” or the “I should have’s, remember one thing you are grateful for right now: in this moment. The ghosts of your past cannot infiltrate your present when you are grateful in this moment.

Your gratefulness practice incorporates a focus on the positive. You focus on the positive aspects of your life no matter how small they are. By regularly acknowledging and appreciating these positive elements, your mindset gradually shifts away from dwelling on negativity and what you lack. Gratitude helps you re-frame negative thoughts and experiences. Instead of dwelling on problems or setbacks, you learn to find silver linings or lessons in difficult situations. This re-framing can lead to a more optimistic mindset.

A grateful mindset can enhance your problem-solving abilities. It allows you to approach challenges with a more open and creative mindset, as you’re less likely to be overwhelmed by negative thinking.

Gratitude can help you recognize the abundance in your life, even in moments of scarcity. This shift from a mindset of scarcity to one of abundance can lead to greater satisfaction and contentment. Gratitude can bring about numerous blessings and positive changes in your life. You will recognize the blessings as they appear because you have cultivated a positive mindset and the quick response of gratitude in your everyday life.

Neglecting a gratefulness practice can have several negative impacts on your mindset and overall well-being. Without regular acknowledgment of the positive aspects of your life, your mindset may become more focused on negativity. You may dwell on problems, setbacks, and what you perceive as lacking. When you don’t actively shift your focus away from worries and anxieties, stress can accumulate.

Neglecting gratitude may lead to an increase in symptoms of depression and anxiety, as you’re less likely to experience positive emotions. Gratitude can help regulate emotions. Without it, you may struggle more with emotional imbalances, experiencing heightened negativity and frustration. Neglecting gratitude can diminish your self-esteem and self-confidence. You may focus more on your perceived shortcomings rather than your strengths.

A lack of gratitude can limit your problem-solving abilities. You may become more closed off to creative solutions and less open to exploring opportunities.

Gratitude often inspires motivation and goal pursuit. Neglecting gratitude may result in reduced motivation to work towards your objectives.

Gratitude encourages self-awareness and personal growth. When you neglect it, you may miss opportunities for self-improvement.

To practice gratitude and change your mindset, consider starting a gratitude journal, where you write down what you are thankful for each day. There are online journals you can access. I find this one to be quite good. https://grateful.org/practice/private-gratitude-journal/

You can also purchase gratitude journals on Amazon, https://amzn.to/3RUghIm or your favorite bookstore. It does not have to be fancy. You do have to commit to taking 5 minutes a day to write down what you are grateful for.

You can also take moments of reflection to express gratitude in your own way. Over time, this practice can become a powerful tool for personal development and healing. This one habit can change your life.

Additionally, a grateful attitude can inspire and uplift those around you, creating a more supportive and healing environment. As you explore and deepen your gratitude practice, you’re likely to discover even more blessings and positive changes in your life. It’s a practice that has the potential to transform not only your mindset but also your overall well-being.

Personal Practices

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Meditate to Feel Great

Rose 10/04/2023 02/05/2024

Written by Judy Johnston

Meditation has become common practice to many people. The idea of becoming mindful, is sort of funny if we think on the word. Mind full, so clear your mind of thoughts. Then shouldn’t it be called Mind Empty. Mind Flush. Mind blank?

But seriously, folks.

The purpose of meditation is to cause the body and mind to become calm. Calm the breath. To do so,

breath deep,

and hold for a count of 2,

exhale.

Pause at the exhale for a count of 2,

then inhale again.

You can practice this simple method called Square Breathing anywhere. Slowly increase the count from 2 to 4 then to 6. It may take time to be able to hold the exhale until the count of 6. This is a practice, so as you practice you will get better at it. Increasing the amount of air thus oxygen to the brain and the body will exercise the lower part of the lungs bringing more oxygen to the blood stream. Most people are shallow breathers and only use about half of their lung capacity.

Your lungs occupy about half of your chest. They are big. They expand to your back. Try this, inhale, hold your breath, then breathe in a little more. Usually, you can add a bit more air. Slowly exhale. As you exhale you can relax your jaw and make a sound. Awwwww. or Ohmmm. Feel the vibration in your chest, lips, and face.

They are many different ways to meditate.

Walking outdoors is my favorite way to calm my brain. The fresh air, the sounds of nature, the sunshine, even the rain, all bring my attention into the present moment.

Prayer. Many cultures have repetitive words, phrases, chants, or songs. The rosary, prayer beads, mala beads give a physical touch as one chants, prays, or speak the words to God. This too calms the mind and relaxes the body. This too is a way of letting go; letting go of the angst, the worry, the anxiety. “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46.10 NIV.

When I perform Purebioenergy Healing Therapy, I feel tremendous joy. I usually end up singing. It is a peaceful place to be.

Today I want to share a guided meditation.

Read this first to the end, then close your eyes and imagine yourself in this scenario. Another possibility is to record this into your phone and play it back at any time.

Picture yourself by the ocean. Feel the soft warm sand under your feet. Spread your toes into the sand. Do you feel a piece of coral, or just the silkiness of the tiny grains of sand?

Feel your calve muscles relax. The warmth of the sun caresses them.

Hear the sound of the waves gently flowing onto the shore. Then rolling out again to the sea.

Choose to touch the water with your fingers, it is cool but inviting.

Sit down and feel your thighs, legs and buttocks relax.

Stretch out your arms to the sky.

Be aware of the deep blue of the sky, the fluffy white clouds.

Lift your chest and inhale deeply. That fresh salt air fills your lungs.

Exhale and let go any worry or strain.

Inhale again, let your body roll back onto the soft sand.

Your back is supported by the earth. The sand supports you.

Your shoulders relax,

Breathe in again.

Exhale.

Feel your neck muscles release.

Your jaw is open.

Inhale, Exhale, and sigh aaawww. All is well.

The gentle breeze caresses you.

The sound of the waves brings a rhythm of calm. All is well.

Relax your face. Lift your eyebrows high, then let them fall. All is calm.

With your eyes closed, look to the centre of your forehead.

See the colour that is there.

Feel the warmth on your face.

Smell the sea air.

Breathe in.

Let a feeling of love fill your body as you melt into the warmth of the sand.

It is good. All is well.

Rest.

Inhale deeply.

In this moment all is well.

Feel it.

When you are ready, slowly open your eyes. Gently come back bringing that beautiful sense of peace, tranquility, and love with you.

In this moment, all is well.

Personal Practices

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RESISTANCE TO PERSISTENCE TO PEACE

Judy Johnston 09/27/2023 02/05/2024

When something is challenging, difficult or an effort, our first reaction is often to resist.

We may complain, dare I say whine. We may think of ways or hows to get out of it. The stronger we feel we don’t want to do it, whatever it is, the stronger the resistance in us becomes.

We think. We worry. We run the “What Ifs” in our minds.

What if I don’t like this new change? What if I can’t do it? What if people won’t like me if I make this change?

There is a law in physics that says ” An object at rest, remains at rest unless acted upon by an external force.”

We too “remain at rest”. Not that we are lazy. We are just convinced that we are comfortable. We may say “That is just how things are. I can’t do anything about it”.

We are resistant to change.

What motivates one to change? The desire for the new result, must be greater, than the desire to remain in the pain. Sometimes, we don’t even see the pain, we are causing to ourselves, or to others because we are simply oblivious to it. It has become such a part of our belief system, we persist in the perspective.

One may say ” I am how I am.” , “This is the cross that I bear”. I will never…lose weight, be able to do that {whatever the “that” is}. I need my glass of wine every night. I need my coffee every morning. I can’t do math. I am not technical. I am not musical. I am too old, too tired, too young, too busy, too sad. I can’t.

We all have problems, issues, habits. Good and bad habits. We all need improvement. So how do we overcome the inertia? How do we address this resistance that is embedded in our thought pattern? How do we avoid this procrastination station, and just do it!

Wayne Dwyer used to say “Change your thoughts, Change your life.” That is true. Your thoughts create your actions, your action creates a habit, your habits becomes your life. But how do I change my thoughts? To change my habits, to change my life?

Here are a few suggestions on how:

1. Become aware of our your thoughts.

The average person has approximately 6,000 thoughts per day. According to research at Queen’s University, based on data from MRI brain scans of volunteers, a thought every 9 seconds. So how do we herd these random cats running around in our brain? Pause. Breathe. Ask yourself, what was I just thinking?

Is that true? By the way, your thoughts are not you. You are the one thinking the thoughts.

Most thought of worry, self criticism, judgement of self or others, are not true. There are imprinted beliefs that re-circulate in our heads, and they are totally false.

By the age of 7, many of our beliefs about ourselves are established. Who influenced your thinking and beliefs at that time?

I personally had a critical belief that when I tried something for the first time and failed at it. My mind would shout at me. “OH Judy, You are Such an Idiot”

Where did that come from? A conversation with my sister confirmed she too held that belief. It is not true. Yet there it was. Once I recognize it, I can change it.

Forgive them. Forgive yourself. Send only love to yourself and others.

2. If you want to go on a road trip to a specific destination, you will need a map. Directions on which roads will take you there. If we want to be different, we have to do different. You cannot keep taking the same road, and expect to get to a different destination. If you want to have strong muscles, you will need to exercise and strengthen those muscles. Thoughts are no different. When you catch yourself, going down the path of self-sabotage, stop. That is a dead end road. It hurts you and your potential.

You are the driver on this road trip. Stop. Find the thought path that serves you, and take that path. Use your affirmations – see Rose’s article. Choose to change your direction. Be willing to change. Make your GPS – Good Progresses Success. You don’t need perfection. You want progress. Good is good enough.

3. It is beneficial and a lot more fun to have a travel buddy. You are not alone. This is a common belief in those who have experienced a trauma. Ask for help.

I have experienced this personally numerous times. When you need help, ask for help. No one can be expected to know everything. Often a different perspective, helps us to see a new way to our desired result. Another’s expertise may be just the thing to help you achieve your goal or desired result. We are here to help each other. Thank them. Then when someone asks you for help, you too benefit by helping. If there is not a person in the moment, ask for help out loud to God., The Universe, Source, that which you call to in spirit. Ask and you will receive.

4. Be curious about how our thoughts are influenced by the gut biome. Food affects our mood. It impacts our energy level, our hormones, our drive. Try eating clean, as in no preservatives, processed food, or sugar; then observe what happens to your thought processes. Your biofield contains the information of wellness. Seek and you will find ways to eat, live and be resilient.

5. Take the first step. In September, I was at Greystone Retreat House and Rentals. I was trying to get down into the waters of Georgian Bay. In this area, there were rocks, large and small that had to be traversed to get to the water. As I was stepping on them, it came to me like a revelation: I had to take the first step. Step onto that rock, then test out, and find the next rock to step onto. I couldn’t see the path down to the water, until I was actually on those rocks, then the next step would appear. I step out, then climb, step or stretch to the next one. My lesson was this. Take that first step. Trust yourself and know the next step will be there.

6. Peace is within you. When you need to make a decision, write out your objective, note your resistance, {resist stance}, list your options, ask for counsel if needed, and when you have the answer that brings you peace, trust it. We all have choices to make daily. You can do this. A change may do you good.

Personal Practices

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A STORY OF ACCEPTANCE

Rose 09/26/2023 02/05/2024

Once upon a time, in a small town nestled between rolling hills, there lived a woman named Emily. Emily had faced a series of challenging and traumatic events in her life. She had endured the loss of a loved one, a painful divorce, and a career setback. Each of these experiences had left a mark on her heart, and for a long time, she carried the weight of these burdens with her.

Emily’s journey towards acceptance began one crisp autumn day when she decided to visit a local park. As she strolled along the winding paths, she came across a serene pond. The water’s surface was like a mirror, reflecting the vibrant colors of the changing leaves above. Emily paused, taking in the beauty of nature around her.

It was in this moment of stillness that Emily realized she had been carrying the heavy baggage of her past for far too long. She had been clinging to the pain, anger, and regret, allowing them to shape her present and overshadow her future. She understood that it was time to start the process of acceptance.

Over the coming months, Emily embarked on a journey of self-discovery and healing. She began by seeking the guidance of a therapist who specialized in trauma recovery. In their sessions, Emily learned to acknowledge her pain and emotions without judgment. She found the strength to open up about her past and to confront the deep wounds that had been festering for years.

Acceptance for Emily meant embracing her past, recognizing that these experiences were a part of her story, but not the entirety of it. She forgave herself for the mistakes she believed she had made and forgave those who had hurt her. It was a liberating experience, like shedding a heavy coat she had worn for too long.

Emily also discovered the power of mindfulness and meditation. These practices helped her stay grounded in the present moment and prevented her from getting lost in the labyrinth of painful memories. She learned to breathe through difficult emotions, allowing them to flow through her rather than consume her.

As Emily continued her journey of acceptance, she also reached out to her friends and family. She found the courage to share her feelings and experiences with them. To her surprise, she received an outpouring of love and support. Her loved ones embraced her vulnerability and offered their empathy and encouragement.

With time, Emily began to see changes in her life. She pursued new hobbies, rekindled old passions, and even considered a career change that had always been a dream. She realized that acceptance had given her the freedom to envision a brighter future, unburdened by the weight of her past.

One day, while visiting the same park where her journey had begun, Emily looked out over the pond. The leaves had changed color once again, and the water still reflected the beauty of the world around it. She couldn’t help but smile, for she had come to understand that acceptance was not the end of her story but the beginning of a new chapter—one filled with hope, resilience, and the promise of a life lived with authenticity and purpose.

Emily’s story serves as a reminder that acceptance is a transformative process that can lead to healing and personal growth. It allowed her to let go of the past and embrace the beauty of the present, and in the process, she discovered the strength to shape her own destiny.

Personal Practices

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ACCEPTANCE

Rose 09/20/2023 02/05/2024

In my last article titled, Let It Go I talked about the importance of, and how to release and relinquish something that is causing you emotional distress and holding you back. Today I reveal ACCEPTANCE. You may be thinking, “Wait a minute! We can’t do both!”. Well, yes, we can. Acceptance and letting go are not opposing forces but rather complementary aspects of the healing journey. Acceptance provides the understanding and self-awareness needed to move forward, while letting go is the active process of releasing the emotional weight of trauma and embracing positive change. Together, they create a path towards greater peace, resilience, and well-being.

Acceptance is a fundamental aspect of personal development and healing. When a woman experiences trauma in her life there comes a point where acceptance needs to happen. Acceptance plays a crucial role in the healing journey, especially for women who have experienced trauma. It can be a challenging yet transformative process.

Acceptance, in this context, can take several forms:

Self-Acceptance: One of the first steps is often accepting yourself as a survivor and acknowledging the emotions and scars that come with trauma. This involves recognizing that it’s okay to feel the way you do and that you are not defined by your past experiences.
Acceptance of the Past: Coming to terms with the events that led to the trauma can be incredibly difficult. It involves re-framing the narrative and understanding that the trauma is something that happened to you, not something you caused or deserved.
Acceptance of Feelings: Trauma can bring up a wide range of emotions, including anger, guilt, and shame. Accepting these feelings without judgment is a significant step towards healing. Emotions are valid reactions to what you’ve been through.
Acceptance of Support: It’s important to accept and seek support from friends, family, or professionals. Often, women who have experienced trauma isolate themselves, feeling that they should be strong and can handle it alone. Accepting help can be a powerful step towards healing. We are never meant to handle anything alone. We were created for community, not isolation.
Acceptance of Healing as a Process: Healing from trauma is not linear, and it’s important to accept that there will be ups and downs. It’s not about “getting over” the trauma but learning to live with it and thrive despite it.
Acceptance of Growth: Trauma can lead to personal growth and resilience. It’s about recognizing that you can emerge from it stronger and be a more compassionate person.
Acceptance of Boundaries: Setting and enforcing boundaries is a crucial part of healing and living. Learning to say no when you need to and yes when it serves you is an act of self-acceptance, self-care, and self-love.
Acceptance of Future Possibilities: Ultimately, acceptance can open the door to envisioning a future where you are not defined by your trauma. It’s about discovering who you truly are and what you want for your life beyond the pain of the past.

Ignoring acceptance in the process of healing from trauma can have several significant consequences:

Stagnation in Healing: Without acceptance, individuals may remain stuck in a cycle of denial, avoidance, or suppression of their feelings and experiences. This can prevent them from making progress in their healing journey.
Persistent Emotional Pain: Unresolved trauma can lead to ongoing emotional pain, including anxiety, depression, and flashbacks. Ignoring acceptance can contribute to the persistence of these painful emotions.
Physical Health Consequences: Unresolved trauma can also manifest as physical health issues, such as chronic pain, sleep disturbances, and even autoimmune disorders. Ignoring acceptance may aggravate these physical symptoms.
Strained Relationships: Trauma affects not only the individual but also their relationships with others. Avoiding acceptance may lead to difficulties in connecting with and trusting others, which can strain relationships and social support networks.
Recurring Triggers: Trauma triggers can continue to resurface if acceptance is not addressed. These triggers can be emotionally distressing and disruptive to daily life.
Escalating Coping Mechanisms: Some individuals may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse or self-harm to numb or avoid their trauma. Ignoring acceptance can perpetuate these destructive behaviors.
Identity Crisis: Without acceptance, there may be a constant struggle with self-identity and self-worth. This can lead to feelings of confusion and a lack of direction in life.
Increased Risk of Re-traumatization: Failing to acknowledge and accept the trauma can make individuals more vulnerable to re-traumatization, as they may not have developed healthy coping strategies or boundaries.
Long-Term Impact on Mental Health: Unresolved trauma can have a long-term impact on mental health, potentially leading to more severe mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

In essence, ignoring acceptance can prolong the negative effects of trauma and hinder an individual’s ability to lead a fulfilling and emotionally healthy life. It’s an essential step in the healing process to acknowledge what has happened and work through the associated emotions and experiences. This can lead to a more profound sense of self-awareness, resilience, and overall well-being.

The acceptance process is deeply personal and varies from person to person. There are, however, some general steps and strategies that can guide individuals on their journey toward acceptance. Pick and choose what you want to explore.

Self-Awareness: Begin by taking time to reflect on your experiences and emotions. Self-awareness is a crucial first step in the acceptance process. Journaling or talking to a therapist can be helpful in this regard.
Educate Yourself: Learn about trauma, its effects, and the healing process. Understanding the psychological and physiological aspects of trauma can help you make sense of your experiences.
Seek Support: Reach out to a therapist, counselor, or support group specializing in trauma. Professional guidance can provide you with tools and strategies to navigate the acceptance process effectively. Supporting you on your journey to healing is the reason Wounded Women Rising exists. Join our Facebook group and join the conversation.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help you stay present and grounded as you confront difficult emotions related to the trauma.
Express Emotions: Give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions, whether it’s through talking, writing, art, or other creative outlets. Emotions are a natural part of your healing process.
Challenge Self-Blame: Many survivors of trauma blame themselves. It’s essential to recognize that you are not at fault for what happened to you and to challenge any self-blame or guilt.
Set Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial for self-care. Learning to say no when necessary and creating a safe space for yourself fosters acceptance and healing.
Forgiveness: Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean condoning what happened; it means letting go of the anger and resentment that can be barriers to acceptance. Forgiveness can be a powerful step in the healing process. We will investigate forgiveness in future blog posts. In the meantime, check out our post on Forgiving Myself.
Connect with Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with friends and family who are understanding and supportive. Social support can make a meaningful difference in the acceptance process.
Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer to a friend. Self-compassion can help counter negative self-judgment.
Focus on the Present and Future: While it’s essential to acknowledge the past, don’t let it define your entire identity. Focus on your goals, aspirations, and the future you want to create for yourself.
Professional Help: Depending on the severity of the trauma, professional therapeutic interventions such as Pure Bioenergy Healing are especially beneficial.
Self-Care: Prioritize self-care practices that nourish your physical and emotional well-being. This can include exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and engaging in activities you enjoy.

Once you have reached a place of acceptance, it can profoundly transform your experience of life. Acceptance opens up the door to a more positive and fulfilling life in several ways:

Emotional Freedom: Acceptance allows individuals to let go of the intense emotional baggage that often accompanies trauma. This emotional freedom can lead to a greater sense of peace and contentment.
Joy and Gratitude: Acceptance can shift the focus from what’s been lost to what remains and what can be gained. This shift often leads to increased feelings of joy and gratitude.
Self-Awareness: Acceptance often involves self-reflection. This self-awareness can help individuals understand their triggers, needs, and values, leading to more authentic and purpose-driven lives. Self-awareness produces self-compassion. It’s easier to take care of oneself when you genuinely believe you deserve it.
Enhanced Relationships: When you accept your own experiences and emotions, it becomes easier to connect with and support others. Your relationships may become more genuine and empathetic.
Increased Resilience: Acceptance is a sign of resilience. It means you’ve faced adversity and grown stronger because of it. This resilience can help you navigate future challenges with greater confidence.
Mindfulness and Presence: Acceptance encourages living in the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This mindfulness can lead to a richer, more meaningful life.
Creativity and Expression: Acceptance can unlock creativity and self-expression. Many individuals find solace and meaning in creative pursuits like art, music, or writing.
A Sense of Purpose: As individuals gain clarity about their values and priorities, they often discover a deeper sense of purpose in life. They may feel compelled to make a positive impact on the world.
Spiritual Growth: For some, the acceptance process leads to spiritual growth and a deeper connection to their inner selves or to a higher power.
Healthy Coping Strategies: With acceptance comes the development of healthier coping strategies, which can replace destructive habits and addictions.
Community and Support: Many individuals who have embraced acceptance become advocates or supporters for others who are on a similar journey, fostering a sense of community and purpose.

Life will continue to present challenges, but individuals who have integrated acceptance into their lives are often better equipped to face these challenges with resilience and a more positive outlook. Ultimately, the experience of life after acceptance can be marked by a greater sense of wholeness, authenticity, and well-being. It’s about embracing all facets of oneself and using that acceptance as a foundation for growth and fulfillment.

Personal Practices

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AFFIRMATIONS CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Rose Brubacher 07/18/2023 02/05/2024

Affirmations are short, powerful sentences that can help you overcome negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. An affirmation is anything we say or think, positive or negative. Our self talk is a cascade of affirmations. Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmation. This includes all the negative things we think and say to ourselves. Positive affirmations create love, joy, peace, prosperity, and a sense of well-being for yourself. When affirmations are used thoughtfully and consistently, they are incredibly effective in helping to combat the effects of trauma. To make a change in our life we need to retrain our thinking and speaking into positive patterns. Positive affirmations are the beginning points of change.

It is very easy to concentrate on the negatives in life. The negatives are plentiful. Louise Hay said, “Every complaint is an affirmation of something you think you don’t want in your life. Every time you get angry you are affirming you want more anger in your life. Every time you feel like a victim you are affirming you want to continue to feel like a victim. If you feel like your life does not give you want you want in your life, it is certain you will never have the goodies life gives to others until you change the way you think and talk.” We are not bad people because of the way we talk and think. No one is wrong. We have not been taught how to think and talk. We have been taught by our parents they way they were taught to think and talk.

It is possible to find the positives and talk to ourselves in positive terms. Talking in a positive manner requires a choice. The choice is to be willing to change your focus, to ignore the negativity that exists and find something positive in every piece of self talk and circumstance we encounter. The choice is to affirm, believe and focus on the good things that float through your mind. What you believe you deserve and what you want can be two very different matters. It takes effort and determination to change your focus from the negative to the affirmative. Pay attention to your thoughts so you can eliminate the experiences you do not want in your life and create the experiences you desire. It is time for each of us to wake up and begin to consciously create our lives in a way that pleases and support us.

How Do Affirmations Work?

Affirmations work by re-wiring our brains to focus on the positive rather than the negative. Affirmations help us break free from negative patterns of thinking by teaching our minds to focus more on what we do want rather than what we do not want. Affirmations tell your subconscious that you are taking responsibility and there is something you can do to change. Affirmations create something new in your life. By repeating positive statements aloud (or even just in your head) frequently, we create a new neural pathway in our brains that reinforces these positive thoughts and feelings. This helps us to shift our mindset from one that is dominated by fear and negativity to one that is focused on possibility and growth. Whenever you use an affirmation say it with feeling and meaning.

If you believe that affirmations do not work, you are actually saying you do not know how to use affirmations correctly. You can say things like, “my prosperity is growing” yet think “this is stupid, it does not work.” Which affirmation will win out? If you say your affirmations once a day and complain the rest of the time. Which affirmation will win out? The negative one wins every time. The negative affirmation is part of a long-standing, habitual way of looking at life. It can take a long time for affirmations to work when practiced this way, and probably won’t work at all. People give up and discard the practice as garbage because they did not see results in a short time. In truth, they did not embrace positive affirmations. They allowed negative affirmations to win.

Tips for Incorporating Affirmations into Your Life

The most important tip is to make sure you’re actually using your affirmations regularly! You can incorporate them into your daily life easily with these simple tips:

Write down your affirmations every morning or evening. It’s a great way to start or end your day with something positive. Writing down your affirmations helps you remember them better throughout the day so you can repeat them whenever you need an extra boost of positivity. Put them in your phone. Create a wallpaper or photo show on your phone.

Find an affirmation buddy! Having someone else who’s also trying to incorporate affirmations into their life can be really helpful in keeping each other accountable and staying motivated. You can exchange affirmations with each other or even just check in periodically throughout the week to see how it’s going!

Put reminders around your house or workspace so you remember to practice your affirmations throughout the day. Post-it notes, sticky tabs, phone reminders, anything you can think of. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Find something that works for you and stick with it!

Incorporate music into your practice – create a playlist of songs that make you feel good. Music has an amazing ability to shift our moods quickly. This is a great way to change your state into a positive frame of mind before starting up with your affirmations for the day!

What Affirmations Should You Use.

The first thing you need to do is determine which area or areas of your life you wish to focus. Once you have made that decision you can find numerous positive affirmations. Write down the ones that ring true with you. Below are some examples. Louise Hay was the Queen of affirmations. Many of the following affirmations were taken from her work, I CAN DO IT. How to Use Affirmations to Change Your Life. Pick and choose the one you will use. If you want some positive affirmations for other areas of your life, send me an email at info@woundedwomenrising.ca. I would be overjoyed to provide what you need.

Begin your affirmation practice with the following declaration:

I allow these affirmations to fill my consciousness knowing they are true for me.

HEALTH

I have respect for myself.
I accept my body as it is.
I love every cell of my body.
I make healthy choices.
For my own health and well being I am relentlessly positive about everything.
I enjoy the foods that are best for my body. I can resist anything if I choose to.
I take care of my body.
I give my body what it needs on every level.
I look forward to a healthy old age.
I am constantly discovering new ways to improve my health.
Healing happens. My body has what it needs to heal naturally.
Perfect health is my divine right. I claim it now.
I am grateful for my healthy body.
Water is my favorite beverage. I drink lots of water to cleanse my body and mind.
Filling my mind with pleasant thoughts is my quickest road to health.

PROSPERITY

Everything I need comes to me at the perfect time.
I willingly move from poverty thinking to prosperity thinking and my finances reflect this change.
I express gratitude for all the good in my life.
I deserve all that I desire.
Life supplies all my needs in great abundance. I trust life.
I am open to the unlimited prosperity that exists everywhere.
I am a magnet for money.
Wherever it is that I work, I am deeply appreciated and well compensated.
Abundance flows freely through me.
I pay my bills with love, and I rejoice each time.
I deserve the best and I accept the best now.
I release all resistance to money, and I allow it to flow joyously into my life.
I have all that I need and wealth flows to me in abundance.
My prosperity is always increasing.
I give thanks for all that I have now and for all of God’s riches.

STRESS FREE LIVING

I let go of all fear and doubt.
Life is simple and easy for me.
I create a stress-free world for myself.
I relax all my neck muscles and I let go of all tension in my shoulders.
I slowly breathe in and out. I relax more and more with each breath.
I am a capable person. I can handle anything that comes my way.
I am centered, focused.
I feel more secure each day.
I express my feelings.
I can be serene in any situation.
I am comfortable with my finances. I can always pay my bills on time.
I trust myself to deal with any problems that arise during the day.
I realize that stress is only fear. I now release those fears.
I am in the process of positive changes in all areas of my life.
My confidence is unshakeable because I live with integrity.

FORGIVENESS

The door to my heart opens inwards. I open the door to forgiveness.
The world around me changes when I change my thoughts.
I am willing to be willing to forgive.
The past is over, it has no power now.
I refuse to be helpless. I refuse to be a victim. I claim my own power.
I give myself the gift of freedom from the past and move with joy into the now.
There is no problem too big or too small that it cannot be solved with love.
I am ready to be healed. I am willing to forgive. All is well.
As I forgive myself it becomes easier to forgive others.
I forgive myself for not being perfect.
It is safe for me to release all of my childhood traumas and move into love.
I forgive everyone from my past for all perceived wrongs. I release them with love.
All the changes that lie before me are positive ones and I am safe.
I choose to forgive the past and I choose to move into a joyous life.
I am living the very best way I know how.

RELATIONSHIPS AND ROMANCE

I practice profound self-love.
From time to time, I ask those I love, “How can I love you more?”
I choose to see clearly with eyes of love. I love what I see.
I draw love and romance into my life, and I accept it now.
Love is around every corner and joy fills my entire world.
I rejoice in the love I encounter every day.
I am comfortable looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you. I really really love you.”
I deserve love, romance, and joy and all the good life has to offer me.
I am surrounded by love. All is well.
I am in a joyous, intimate relationship with a person who truly loves me. That person is me.
I am beautiful and everybody loves me.
I am greeted by love wherever I go.
I attract only healthy relationships.
I am always treated well.
I am very thankful for all the love in my life.
I find love everywhere.

SELF-ESTEEM

I am totally adequate for all situations.
I choose to feel good about myself.
I am worthy of my own love.
I stand on my own two feet. I accept and use my own power.
It is safe for me to speak up for myself.
I am loved and accepted exactly as I am right now.
My self esteem is high because I honour who I am.
My life gets more fabulous each day. I look forward to what each new hour brings.
I am neither too little nor too much. I do not have to prove myself to anyone.
Life supports me in every possible way.
My consciousness is filled with healthy loving thoughts that reflect themselves in my experience.
The greatest gift I give myself is unconditional love.
I love myself exactly as I am.
I am the master of my mind.
I am a pure powerful soul.

Today is a new day. Today is the day you begin to create a new joyous life. Today is the day to release all of your limitations. You can change your life for the better. You have the tools within you to create the life you desire. These tools are your thoughts and beliefs. Affirmations are powerful tools for shifting your perspective from one dominated by fear and negativity towards one focused on possibility and growth. With consistent practice, affirmations can help us break patterns of negative thinking and we learn to respond more positively to challenging situations in our lives. I trust this article has given you some practical tips about how to start incorporating affirming statements into your everyday life. Start this new practice and watch how your life will change.

Happy Affirming!

Personal Practices

Featured

PASSION

Judy Johnston 07/15/2023 02/05/2024

What is passion? What comes to mind when you say the word passion?

It is a word often bandied about to promote the latest item to be desired, or acquired.

Why is the word associated with the colour red?

Why are certain women portrayed or described as a fiery woman, independent women … the passionate Italian actress, Sophia Loren. Golden Globe winner, Racquel Welch, even Katherine Hepburn and Sofía Vergara. Does their passion for their work or their lives make them independent, out-spoken?

Or does our society simply label them as such, because they speak their truth?

Is passion something that exists in all of us?

In researching this article I asked a number of people what is it that they are passionate about?

Many answered that their passion stemmed from their talent. If it was music, or art, or composition or fashion, or cooking. Sport also ranked highly on the list , both competing in sport or watching sports.

What all these things have in common is that they are creative pursuits.

Our creativity is something that defines us as humans.

In the yogic tradition the creativity energy lies in the 2nd chakra. This is the area just below the navel, in the center of the lower belly at the front and the lumbar spine at the back. The pelvic area is also where our fertility rests, our creative center.

As women so much of our life is affected by our fertility. Be it preventing a pregnancy, encouraging a pregnancy, carrying a pregnancy , becoming mothers and all the creativity that comes with that. Yes, negotiating with a toddler is a creative endeavour. As is communicating with a teenager.

That creative energy never leaves us. It may be transmuted into different venues.

What are you passionate about? What kick starts you to do that “thing” that you choose to do?

Whether you are a maiden/woman/mother/grandmother, with or without a child, that sacred part of you, your passion is an essential gift that you bring to the world.

Let’s embrace our passions. Let’s encourage one another to share what matters to you.

To stifle this energy is a disservice to ourselves and to the greater good.

We were all created with a red hot, fiery passion. Something that sets our hearts on fire, something we can talk for hours on when the spark is lit.

Let us get excited. Embrace that joy and let loose with abandon. Fear not what others may think. We are not thinking. We are being. We are doing. We are creating that Life that is worth living. We are making some noise, banging our toys and scaring the boys. That vast well of creative energy is there for you to use. Let’s shake things up. Let’s create something great.

Personal Practices

Featured

Building Self Esteem

Rose 06/14/2023 02/05/2024

There is and has been much talk about self-esteem. Have you ever wondered why there is a lot of chatter about it? Have you wondered why self-esteem is so important? Or do you glance at those articles out of the corner of your eye, give it a humph and move on?

I often would glance at the article, give it humph and move on. That was until my self-esteem was no where to be found. This has happened to me more than once in my life. To be open and honest with you, my self-esteem was absent three times in my life.

I was one of those kids who believed what people in authority told me. As a kid we were told you don’t question those in authority. I didn’t question them – out loud. I did, however question their words in my mind and heart but never out loud. As an adult I see that never allowing a child to question anyone is detrimental to their mental health.

When a person in authority tells you, “You’re too stupid” or “You’ll never amount to much” or are criticized for what you do repeatedly, you start to believe them. I figured they knew something I didn’t. I do admit I wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I was far from stupid. I stuttered. I learned differently than most kids in my class. I needed extra time to grasp the concepts. I also asked too many “why” questions. I needed the world to make sense to me. No one had time for those who are different. Those who are different required too much, and no one wanted to put in the time or effort to discover what made those who are different, different.

Eventually I learned to be invisible. I learned to be an observer rather than a participant. I preferred to be in the background. There were times I put myself out there to be seen. Those were fun times. It wasn’t long after that, that I would be put in my place again by a comment from one in authority. This cycle repeated itself throughout my life. This cycle eroded my self-esteem.

What do you do with eroded self-esteem? I went looking for it. I was a frequent visitor to the self-help section at the library. I read about self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth. I knew I had to do more than read. I had to do something about it. The first thing I did was find something I was good at. Through trial and error, I found that I was good at creating things with my hands. I took classes on things I was interested in. I worked in a craft shop so I could learn more. I started teaching others to do what I was learning.

I learned that as I spent time with people who had similar interests, they liked me, and I also started to like myself. I began to take better care of myself. I saw that I had value and could positively contribute to my world. I became excited about what I was doing, and imagining owning a business. I did start my own business teaching others to create with their hands. I felt successful when people signed up and paid for my knowledge.

I learned to be kind to myself. I talked to myself using positive words. I decided how I wanted to treat others. I decided how I would treat myself. I spoke to myself with kindness and affection. I believed in myself and my abilities. I accepted my limitations but did not accept that I could not overcome them.

I had to make some really difficult decisions; decisions that affected not just me but my children as well. I learned that making difficult decisions doesn’t kill a person. Making those decisions can actually keep you alive. I also learned that with those decisions, there may come some guilt and doubt. Both guilt and doubt can be overcome. I learned to sit with the doubts and the guilt until the feelings went away. I would have a good angel, bad angel conversation. The good angel would speak kindly. The bad angel would laugh at the good angel and “tell me how it really is”. These two would go back and forth until I had relived the entire relationship and I decided that I would not and could not go back to THAT! Then I would pick myself up, dust myself off and forge ahead.

I learned it is okay to assert oneself. This was one of the scariest things I ever did. Asserting oneself when you have learned to disappear is super hard. I do not remember the first time I asserted myself. I do remember the feelings that went with it. I was nauseous. I had sweaty palms and armpits. My legs shook uncontrollably. I thought I would poop myself. I thought I would collapse. I wanted to run away. Nothing bad happened when I asserted myself. The outcome was pretty good. I got what I needed. No one hated me for asserting myself.

One of my counsellors suggested acting confidently even when I did not feel like it. This was hard, really hard. I am not one to fake it until you make it. I found that reciting positive affirmations was helpful. Over the past 4 years I have accumulated over 160 affirmations I can turn to. I recite what I need for a few days or weeks. During those days and weeks my mind believes what I am telling it. My confidence increases exponentially.

I built my self-esteem by taking part in activities that I enjoyed. I learned that I did not have to do only what others wanted to do. I opened myself up to new experiences that I wanted to pursue. I have always liked music. My interests were not too varied. I started to listen to other genres of music other than rock and country. I now enjoy a wide variety of music including symphonies and opera. I learned to golf and love the game but not for competitive reasons. I started gardening and decided that I like flowers a whole lot better than vegetables. I figure there is a farmers’ market close by. I will buy my vegetables. I like to ride a bike. I am a destination cyclist. Riding a bike for the sake of riding a bike just isn’t for me. I like being on the water in a boat. I do not like fishing. I like sitting by a river and reading. I love downhill skiing. I’m not really good at it but I enjoy the thrill of coasting down a mountain. I like to stop on occasion and take in my surroundings. Discovering what I like and don’t like has helped to build my self-esteem.

One of my coaches keeps telling me to focus only on the positives. This develops my positive mental attitude. I, like you, can focus on the negative aspects of life. There are so many of them. It takes effort to focus on the positives. Focusing on the positives and building a positive mental attitude is so worth it. It has become a way of life. I am constantly looking for the positive in any and every situation. This includes the way I talk to myself. When my self-talk starts to become negative, I turn it around by focusing on the positives. It is not always easy to find the positive in any situation. Trust me, positives are there. I have found it helpful to stop and breathe. If I have to, I remove myself from the situation so I can get clarity. The more I do this, the faster I can find a positive. Then, I focus on the positive.

Here is a simple exercise you can do to build a positive mental attitude.

Notice each enjoyable thing that happens to you during your day, even if it seems insignificant.
Keep these moments in your mind or write them down in a notebook you carry with you. I do this at the end of each day. I call it my Joy Moments journal. Before going to bed I review my day. I pick up on the moments that brought me joy, such as the words or actions of a child, a conversation with a friend, a goal I achieved or something I heard or read that brought a smile to my face. This journal does not have any space for my struggles or upsets. This is for joy moments only.
Over the coming weeks you will notice that these events are increasing in number and that some of them are not only fleeting moments of joy but that they are having an impact on your future.
Review your entries from time to time. You will see that you do have a very good life.

Creating a positive mental attitude is a giant step in building self-esteem.

We have heard that meditating cleans your head-space. It’s true. I have found meditating to be a beautiful practice. We should all do something beautiful for ourselves. Through meditating I am able to see things more clearly. I listen to my heart instead of my head. My head is full of what other people say. My heart knows me. My heart is a better leader than my head will ever be. When I take the time to listen to my heart, I know who I am. I know what I want. I know what I value. I am a kinder person. I am a more loving person. I can handle life better.

Building my self-esteem has been like meeting an old friend, maybe even – a new friend. I like the girl I see in the mirror. She’s not perfect because perfection is an illusion. She still has a whole world of discoveries to make. She is a perfect creation of God. I pray that each of you will find a way to develop your self-esteem. You are worth it. You are a perfect creation of God. It is time to discover her.