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A Wounded Women's Way to Wisdom

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What Do I Do With the Memories?

Have you ever been reminiscing with someone about an event you both attended, only to discover that you remember it completely differently? You remember a wonderful family gathering, filled with laughter, good food, and conversation. Yet, a family member remembers feeling uncomfortable, being left out of conversations, or an unpleasant remark that was made.

You were both there. You attended the same gathering, spent time with the same people, and shared the same afternoon. But you didn’t necessarily have the same experience. Neither of you has to be wrong about how you experienced that afternoon.

Now imagine two people looking back over years of a relationship. One remembers the wonderful vacations, the family celebrations, and the life they worked so hard to build together. The other remembers those same occasions, but also remembers the arguments before leaving home, the uncomfortable silences, or the effort required to keep everyone happy.

They shared a relationship, but they didn’t necessarily experience it the same way. And when that relationship ends, those different perspectives can become a source of considerable conflict.

When Someone Challenges What You Remember

If you’ve experienced the end of a difficult relationship, you may remember conversations that went something like this.

“That’s not what happened.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“You’re remembering it all wrong.”

“You’re crazy if you think that’s what I meant.”

Those words can become painfully familiar in a difficult relationship. And when frustration takes over, both people can find themselves questioning or dismissing the other’s recollection.

When emotions are running high, it can be difficult to understand how someone who shared so much of your life could remember things so differently. You remember feeling dismissed and unimportant. Your partner remembers working long hours to provide for the family. You remember being afraid to express your opinion. Your partner remembers being frustrated because you wouldn’t tell them what you wanted. You remember feeling alone in the relationship. Your partner remembers all the things you did together. And the arguments continue because each person wants the other to acknowledge their experience. But here’s something worth considering.

You don’t need someone else’s agreement to acknowledge your own experience.

You know how you felt when your opinions were dismissed. You know what it was like to hesitate before speaking because you were concerned about the reaction you might receive. You know how exhausting it could be to anticipate someone else’s moods or continually adjust your behaviour to avoid conflict. Those experiences mattered to you. The other person may remember the circumstances differently. They experienced the relationship differently. That doesn’t automatically make your experience any less meaningful.

Of course, having different perspectives doesn’t mean every recollection or interpretation is equally accurate. We can misunderstand someone’s intentions, forget details, or draw conclusions that later turn out to be mistaken. And recognizing different perspectives doesn’t excuse intimidation, manipulation, or other harmful behaviour. But you can acknowledge that another person had a different experience without surrendering your own.

Your experience doesn’t require someone else’s approval before you’re allowed to acknowledge it.

What About the Good Memories?

This is where things can become particularly confusing. Perhaps you remember a wonderful vacation with your former partner. You remember laughing together, enjoying new experiences, and feeling genuinely happy.

Then another memory appears. An argument. An insult. A moment when you felt humiliated or frightened. Suddenly, you’re questioning yourself. How could I have been so happy with someone who also caused me so much pain? Was the relationship really as difficult as I remember or did I make too much of what happened? Or you find yourself doing the opposite, dismissing the happy memories because the relationship eventually became so painful. But why should you have to choose?

Remembering the good doesn’t erase the harm.

Remembering the harm doesn’t require denying that anything good ever happened.

You can remember the laughter and acknowledge the loneliness. You can appreciate the wonderful experiences you shared and recognize that other aspects of the relationship were unhealthy. You can remember loving someone deeply and still know that leaving the relationship was the right decision for you.

The happy memories don’t have to justify the painful experiences. And the painful experiences don’t have to take away every moment of happiness you once enjoyed. They all have a place in your history. You don’t need to rearrange your memories to make the relationship entirely wonderful or entirely terrible. You can allow your experience to be as complicated as it actually was. I’ve explored this further in my Wisdom Wednesday conversation, Can You Be Thankful After Abuse?, where we look at appreciating the good without rewriting the past.

Sometimes a Memory Takes You by Surprise

Memories have an interesting way of appearing when we least expect them. A song comes on the radio. Someone mentions a familiar place. You find an old photograph while cleaning out a drawer. You’re having a conversation with someone and suddenly you’re reminded of something you haven’t thought about in years.

A memory can make you smile, bring back sadness, disappointment, or give you a different understanding of something you experienced years ago. Think about the occasions when you set aside something important to keep your partner happy. At the time, you considered it a normal part of being in a relationship. Looking back, you recognize how often your own wishes took second place. The experience hasn’t changed, but your understanding of it has.

Or someone mentions a family gathering, and you remember how much you enjoyed being surrounded by people who cared about you. You realize how much you’ve missed those connections.

Neither memory requires you to revisit the entire relationship. You can acknowledge what you remember without turning it into an investigation of everything that happened. And you don’t need to explain why a particular memory appeared today rather than five years ago.  Sometimes memories simply come to mind.

The fact that you remember something doesn’t automatically mean you need to do something about it.

You Don’t Have to Keep Defending Your Past

Have you ever caught yourself having an argument with someone who isn’t even in the room? You remember something your former partner said or did, and before you know it, you’re having the conversation all over again. This time, you know exactly what to say. You explain yourself more clearly, recall the details you missed, and come up with the perfect response. And in your imagination, they finally understand.

But what if they still deny it? What if they turn the conversation around like they always did? And there you are, defending yourself all over again. For women who spent years having their experiences questioned or dismissed, the habit of defending themselves can continue long after the relationship ends. The relationship may have ended, yet the argument is still taking place in your mind.

Sometimes looking back helps us understand an experience or recognize something you overlooked. But there’s a difference between gaining understanding and repeatedly trying to win an argument that has already ended.

And here’s an important distinction. Being understood by someone else and understanding your own experience are not the same thing. You can know that something hurt you even when the other person insists they meant no harm. You can acknowledge your own mistakes without accepting responsibility for another person’s behaviour. And you can recognize that two people experienced the same relationship differently without needing to prove that one person’s entire recollection is right and the other’s is wrong.

This doesn’t mean facts are irrelevant or that every interpretation is accurate. Establishing what happened can be important, particularly when safety, legal matters, or financial responsibilities are involved. But another person’s agreement isn’t required to acknowledge your personal experience. There may never be an apology, an acknowledgement of what you experienced, or a shared understanding of why the relationship ended. Your ability to create a fulfilling life doesn’t have to depend on receiving those things.

Think of the freedom in recognizing that. The time spent rehearsing explanations could become time spent in the moment. The attention given to defending decisions made years ago could become attention given to the decisions available today. And the energy spent trying to convince someone else of your experience could become energy invested in understanding what matters to you now.

The past doesn’t disappear. Your experiences don’t become less important. But you no longer have to keep making your case to someone who may never agree with you.

What Do These Memories Mean for My Life Today?

There’s something fascinating about the way an ordinary memory can bring a new understanding of our lives. An experience that seemed unremarkable years ago can take on a different meaning when we consider it from where we are today. Not because the event itself has changed, but because we have. We’ve gained experience, developed different perspectives, and learned more about ourselves and the relationships we want in our lives.

Consider a woman who remembers how often she changed her plans to accommodate her partner. At the time, she considered herself flexible and easygoing. She enjoyed making other people happy, and there was nothing particularly unusual about changing plans. Years later, she recognizes that she rarely considered what she wanted. That memory doesn’t necessarily mean she was wrong to accommodate someone else’s wishes. It offers another perspective on how she participated in the relationship. And today, she has the opportunity to understand the difference between genuinely enjoying being flexible and setting aside her own preferences because she fears disappointing someone. That distinction may be useful in her friendships, family relationships, or future romantic relationships.

If you’ve ever wondered how much of your life has been shaped by other people’s expectations, you might enjoy my article, Whose Life Are You Living?

And memories aren’t always connected to things we want to change. Sometimes they remind us of things we want to enjoy again. A woman remembers how much she loved spending Saturday mornings painting. She recalls the pleasure of choosing colours, becoming absorbed in what she was creating, and looking forward to having a few uninterrupted hours to herself.

Over the years, other responsibilities took priority, and painting gradually disappeared from her life. The memory reminds her of something she once enjoyed. Whether she decides to pick up a paintbrush again is entirely up to her. The memory simply offers information about something that once mattered. Making room for the things we enjoy isn’t always easy when life is full of responsibilities. I explore this in Your Life Is Full, But Where Are You?

And then there are memories that have no particular relevance to our lives today. A familiar song reminds us of a holiday. A conversation with a friend brings to mind an event we haven’t thought about in years. We remember. We experience whatever feelings accompany the recollection. And life continues.

Not every memory contains an important realization. Not every experience offers a lesson. And not every recollection needs to influence what happens next. A memory doesn’t create an obligation. You get to decide whether it deserves a place in your decisions today.

I think that’s an important freedom to recognize, especially after living in circumstances where so many decisions were influenced by other’s expectations. Our memories are part of our history. They contribute to our understanding of ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us. Some offer valuable information about what matters to us today. And sometimes you’ll remember something that has no particular relevance to your present circumstances. You can smile, feel a moment of sadness, or simply acknowledge that it happened. Then continue with your day.  They can all have a place without all having the same importance.

We can acknowledge our experiences, appreciate what we’ve learned, and allow the life we’re living today to have its own possibilities.

You Are Allowed to Change Your Understanding

There’s another aspect of remembering that I think is worth exploring. As we gain experience, learn new things, and develop a greater understanding of ourselves, we sometimes see past events differently. You may recognize that you made choices based on what you understood and what was available to you at the time. Today, you have different knowledge, different experiences, and perhaps different opportunities. That doesn’t mean you have to criticize the woman you were. She was living her life with the understanding and circumstances she had then.

You can appreciate the decisions that helped you get through difficult times while recognizing that you would make different choices today. You can also reconsider an old interpretation without dismissing your original feelings. Perhaps you once believed that someone deliberately excluded you from an event. Years later, you learn something that changes your understanding of what happened. You can accept the new information and still acknowledge that feeling excluded was painful at the time.

Changing your understanding doesn’t require denying your experience. It simply means you’re allowing what you know today to inform how you see the past. And that is part of growing as a person.

Your Memories Belong to You. Your Future Does, Too.

I wonder how much time we spend trying to make sense of things that happened years ago.

Sometimes those reflections bring useful understanding. Other times, they leave us going around in circles, asking questions that may never have satisfying answers.

There comes a point when understanding our past becomes less important than recognizing how we want to live today. The experiences we’ve had can influence what we value, what we’re willing to accept, and what we want from our relationships. Some of those influences are helpful. Others may be habits or expectations that made sense at one time but no longer fit the life we’re creating. And that’s where our memories can offer something valuable. They give us information about the life we’ve lived, while leaving us free to decide what matters in the life we’re living now.

We can appreciate our history without allowing it to determine our future. Your memories are part of your life. They have helped shape your understanding, your preferences, and your experiences. But they don’t have to make your decisions for you.

You can honour the life you’ve lived while giving yourself permission to create the life you want now.

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Whose Life Are You Living?

There was a time in my life when asking someone else what they thought seemed perfectly reasonable.

“What do you think I should do?” “Do you think this is a good idea?” “What would you do?” “Am I making too much of this?”

Sometimes I genuinely wanted another perspective. But sometimes I already knew what I thought. I was asking because I didn’t trust my own answer enough to act on it. When you have spent years having your judgment questioned, your feelings dismissed, your choices criticized or your version of events challenged, you can develop a habit of looking to someone else for the answer instead of trusting your own.

You may not even notice yourself doing it. You ask your mother, sister, your adult daughter, or best friend. You might ask a coach, counsellor or therapist. Everyone you know is asked for input. And there is nothing wrong with asking for advice. We all need people who can help us see something we may have missed. The problem begins when advice becomes permission.

When Someone Else’s Answer Feels Safer Than Your Own

Living in an abusive or controlling relationship can teach a woman to question things she once knew quite easily. She may begin asking herself, “Am I allowed to be upset about this?” “Was that comment inappropriate?” “Can I say no?” When her judgment has repeatedly been questioned, dismissed or overridden, she may begin looking to others for confirmation.

Then the relationship ends, but the habit of looking to others for answers may continue. Instead of beginning with what she thinks or wants, she turns to people she trusts and gives their judgment more weight than her own. The relationship has changed, but she is still looking to someone else for the final word.

The people she turns to may genuinely want what is best for her. The issue isn’t necessarily that they are trying to take control. When a woman doubts her own judgment, she may hand that control to them because trusting what they think is easier than trusting herself.

It Starts With Decisions. It Can Become a Life.

Handing over control may begin with relatively small things. Should I go to the party? Do you think I should call him? Would you take that job? Then the decisions get bigger. “Should I move?” “Should I lend my son the money?” “Should I date this person?”

The more often someone else decides, the easier it becomes to ask them the next time. Eventually, the question is no longer simply, “What do you think?” A woman may not consciously think, “I don’t trust myself to make this decision.” She automatically asks what they think before she has even considered what she thinks. And each time that happens, she misses an opportunity to discover what she thinks, what she wants and what she is capable of deciding for herself. She doesn’t get to discover, “I chose that, it didn’t work, and I handled it.”

You Are Going to Get Some Decisions Wrong

Self-trust cannot depend on always making the right decision. Nobody gets that deal. People who trust themselves make decisions they later regret. They misjudge people. They spend money they wish they hadn’t spent. They take jobs that turn out to be terrible. They say yes and later realize they should have said no. Self-trust isn’t built by creating a perfect record of good decisions. It grows when you discover that you can make a choice, live with the outcome, learn something, adjust when necessary and choose again. Getting something wrong does not disqualify you from making the next decision.

When someone has lived with self-doubt for a long time, a mistake can feel like evidence. “See? I knew I couldn’t trust myself.” So next time, she asks someone else. And the cycle continues.

What Happens When Everyone Else Gets a Vote?

There is another cost to constantly looking outside yourself for answers. Other people can become accustomed to having a say in your life. That does not necessarily mean they are controlling people. Relationships develop patterns.

If you regularly ask your sister what you should do, she may naturally begin telling you what she thinks you should do. If you have always deferred to your adult children, they may come to expect that their preferences will be considered before your own. If a friend has spent years helping you make decisions, she may be surprised when you suddenly say, “Thanks, but I’ve decided to do something different.”

Over time, this becomes part of how the relationship works. One person is accustomed to asking for direction and the other is accustomed to giving it. Neither person necessarily set out to create that dynamic. They simply repeated it often enough that it became normal between them.

When You End Up Living Someone Else’s Version of Your Life

This may be the consequence we talk about least. If other people are continually influencing what you should do, tolerate, pursue, spend or prioritize, how do you discover what you actually want?

Imagine years of making choices based primarily on what will keep other people comfortable. You take the job your family thinks is sensible. You continue saying yes to requests because saying no feels harder than going along with what is expected. You put off something you genuinely want because someone important to you thinks it is foolish.

No single decision seems enormous, but our lives are made from thousands of decisions. One choice follows another, and over time those choices determine where you live, how you spend your time, who you spend it with, what you pursue and what you leave unexplored. You can end up with a perfectly functional life and never realize how much of it has been shaped by other people’s preferences.

That is why one question is worth asking: “How much of the life I am living did I actually choose?” You may not know the answer immediately. The purpose of the question isn’t to make you regret your life or start changing everything. It is to notice where your own voice has been missing from decisions that belong to you. And that can be the beginning of something different.

This is where it is worth becoming curious about who has the final say in your life. When you have a decision to make, do you know what you think before you ask someone else? Are you looking for information that will help you decide, or are you looking for someone to decide for you? And when someone you trust disagrees with your choice, does their disagreement change what you believe is right for you?

Questions like these can make an automatic habit visible. And when you can recognize what you have been doing, you have something you didn’t have before: the opportunity to choose whether you want to keep doing it.

That choice may also change some of your relationships. People who are accustomed to being consulted may be surprised when you begin making more decisions for yourself. They may disagree, question your choice or continue offering direction you no longer need. That doesn’t mean those relationships have to end. It means their opinion can become what it was always meant to be. Something you can consider, rather than something you have to follow.

Our past experiences can continue influencing the decisions we make long after a relationship has ended. In my article, What Do I Do With the Memories?, I explore how we can acknowledge those experiences without allowing them to determine the life we’re creating today.

The Resentment Nobody Intended

There is another strange consequence of handing decisions to other people. Sometimes we become angry with them for making them. Suppose your friend strongly encourages you to do something. You aren’t convinced, but you trust her judgment more than your own, so you agree. It goes badly. Now you are frustrated with her. “Why did she tell me to do that?”

But underneath the frustration may be something harder to admit. You didn’t really want to do it. Some part of you knew that. Now you are angry with her and disappointed in yourself. “Why did I listen?” “Why didn’t I say what I wanted?” “Why do I keep doing this?” Those questions can become more evidence in the case against yourself. This is one way self-doubt can feed itself.

You doubt yourself, so you give someone else the decision. You dislike the outcome, so you criticize yourself for giving the decision away. That criticism makes you trust yourself even less the next time. The way out is not to become someone who never asks for advice. It is to change what you do with the advice you receive.

Advice Is Information, Not Instruction

You can ask five people what they think. You can listen carefully. You can consider their experience. You can ask questions. You can learn something that changes your mind. And after all of that, the decision can still belong to you.

There is an enormous difference between asking, “What should I do?” and asking,  “What information would help me make this decision?”

The first question places the answer outside you. The second allows other people to contribute without asking them to take over. This matters in helping relationships too. A good coach, counsellor, therapist or mentor should not become another person whose approval you need.

Good guidance should help you make your own decisions. A coach, counsellor, therapist or mentor can ask questions you haven’t considered, offer knowledge, challenge an assumption or help you see choices you didn’t know were available. But ultimately, you are the person who has to live the life that choice creates. Good guidance helps you find your answer without making the decision for you.

Start With One Decision

You do not have to wake up tomorrow morning suddenly certain about everything. That would simply give self-doubt another impossible standard to meet. Start smaller.

The next time you notice yourself reaching for your phone to ask someone what you should do, wait a moment before you make the call. Instead, consider this, In an ideal world, what would I like to happen? You are not committing to anything by answering the question. You are simply giving yourself a chance to discover what you want before everyone else’s opinions enter the room.

Then you can ask, “What am I worried will happen if I make this decision myself?” That question may tell you far more than another person’s advice ever could. Maybe you are afraid someone will be disappointed, that you’ll make a mistake or that you’ll have to justify your choice.

Notice it. Question it. Then choose. Not because you are guaranteed to get it right.  Because this is your life, and you deserve the opportunity to discover what happens when you participate fully in creating it.

Once you know what you would like to happen and what you’re worried about, you can consider the realities of the situation. Gather whatever information you need and listen to the perspectives of people you trust. Their advice may change your mind or it may open a possibility you didn’t know existed. The difference is that your own preference was part of the decision from the beginning instead of something you let someone else determine.

There will still be people whose wisdom matters to you, and there will still be times when you ask for help. There will also be decisions you wish you had made differently. That is not failure. That is a life being lived.

And each time you listen to what you know, consider the information available and make your own choice, you gather something self-doubt has kept from you for far too long. Evidence.

Evidence that you can choose.

Evidence that you can change your mind.

Evidence that you can handle an outcome you didn’t expect.

Evidence that you can learn.

Evidence that you can choose again.

You do not have to know that every decision will be right before you trust yourself enough to make it. Nobody gets that deal. What you can know is that the final say in your life belongs with the person who has to live it.

You.

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Can You Be Thankful After Abuse Without Lying to Yourself?

Can You Be Thankful After Abuse Without Lying to Yourself?

Be grateful. Look for the lesson. Find the blessing in what you’ve been through.

We hear messages like these all the time. On the surface, they sound hopeful. They suggest there is something good waiting to be found, even in the hardest experiences of our lives.

But after abuse, those words are harsh. Because what exactly are you supposed to be grateful for? The lies? The betrayal? The control? The cruel words? The fear? The things that happened to you that should never have happened?

You may even hear someone tell you to find the blessing in what you went through. There is fire in your eyes and your response is immediate, “I’m not thankful for what happened. Not even a little.”

And then another question can creep in. “Is there something wrong with me because I feel this way?”

No. Gosh NO! There is nothing wrong with you.

You do not have to be thankful for what happened to you. And I think it is time we stopped expecting women to be.

When Gratitude Took Me Backward Instead of Forward

When I first started a gratitude practice, I believed it would help me move forward. I had a personal life coach who asked me to write down ten things every day that I was grateful for. It sounded simple enough. Except I couldn’t do it.

I would sit there trying to think of something I was grateful for, and instead my mind would return to everything I had been through. The lies. The betrayals. The control. The harsh words. The look in their eyes just before their fist hit its mark. The silent treatment.

The anger was still there. The resentment was still there. Instead of helping me appreciate my life, the exercise seemed to pull my attention straight back into the past.

I couldn’t come up with ten things. In all honesty, at first I couldn’t come up with one.

And I remember wondering, “What am I doing wrong?” I felt defeated. Here was another thing that was supposed to help me, and apparently I couldn’t even do gratitude properly.

Except gratitude wasn’t the problem. And neither was I. I was trying to make myself feel something that wasn’t true.

You Don’t Have to Find the Silver Lining in Harm

There can be tremendous pressure to make meaning out of painful experiences. Maybe everything happens for a reason. The experience probably made you stronger and there is a possibility that someday you’ll be grateful it happened. But what if you aren’t?

My experience has shown me that you don’t have to reshape what happened to make it easier to carry. You don’t have to find something good in someone else’s harmful behaviour. You certainly don’t have to justify their actions. And you don’t have to become thankful for abuse in order to prove that you have moved forward.

What happened, happened. You are allowed to tell the truth about it.

But here is where something changed for me. I realized that not being grateful for what happened didn’t mean it had no place in my life. I had simply been looking for it in the wrong place.

What If Thankfulness Isn’t About the Past at All?

One morning, instead of trying to be grateful, I decided to be thankful. That tiny change made an enormous difference. Suddenly, I could think of four things.

Air.

Food.

Water.

A place to sleep.

Nothing profound. Nothing inspirational. I wasn’t trying to convince myself that my life was wonderful. I wasn’t searching for a lesson hidden inside everything I had endured. I wasn’t asking myself to feel differently about the past. I was simply noticing what was supporting me right now. And I could truthfully say. “Thank you.”That was something I could do.

Gratitude and Thankfulness Are Not the Same Thing

We tend to use the words gratitude and thankfulness interchangeably, but my experience of them has been very different. Gratitude is often presented as a practice. Something we deliberately do to focus our attention on what is good in our lives.

Thankfulness, as I experience it, begins with noticing. I notice something that is here, something that is helping me, comforting me or simply making this moment a little easier, and the natural response is, “Thank you.”

That distinction changed everything for me. With gratitude, I was searching for something I thought I was supposed to feel. With thankfulness, I was noticing something that was already true.

Gratitude as a practice says,  write the list, keep the journal, find the good. It says train yourself to focus on the positive. And for some people, that can be very helpful.

But after abuse, being told to “be grateful” can become another expectation you feel you aren’t meeting. You may try to make the list and find your thoughts travelling straight back to what happened. Then instead of feeling better, you begin wondering why you can’t do what everyone says is supposed to help.

Thankfulness gave me another way. I didn’t have to manufacture it. I could notice something real in my life and allow the thank you to come naturally afterward. That’s an important distinction. Thankfulness wasn’t something I had to force myself to feel. It was something I began to notice.

A Different Question to Ask Yourself

So instead of asking, “What should I be grateful for?” try asking, “What is here, right now, that is not hurting me?” Don’t look for ten things. Don’t even look for five. Find one.

Maybe it is the cup of tea sitting beside you.

Maybe it is the dog sleeping at your feet.

Maybe it is the sun coming through the window.

Maybe it is a friend who answered the phone.

Maybe it is having your own key to your own front door.

Maybe it is the quiet.

Maybe it is simply having enough food for today.

Notice it. And if a thank you comes, let it come. “Thank you for this.” That’s enough. If a “thank you” doesn’t come, don’t force it. As you begin noticing what is here at this moment a quiet “thank you” will eventually come.

You Are Not Rewriting the Past

This is what I came to understand about thankfulness. It didn’t require me to change the truth about my past. It changed where I was placing my attention in the present. For a moment, I wasn’t looking backward. I was noticing my life as it existed right then.

And slowly, I began discovering that there were parts of my life that had nothing to do with what I had been through. There were moments when I could breathe more easily. There were things I enjoyed. There were people I trusted. There were choices that belonged to me.

There were ordinary little pieces of life that supported me every single day. The past hadn’t changed, but the past was no longer the only thing I could see. That is a very different kind of thankfulness.

There Is No Deadline for Feeling Thankful

Your mind may still go back to what happened. Mine did. You may notice something lovely and immediately remember something painful. That doesn’t erase the lovely thing. And it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

You don’t have to force yourself past anger, sadness or resentment to reach some imaginary finish line where you are finally grateful for everything. Thankfulness can exist alongside the truth. You can say, “What happened to me was wrong.” and, “Thank you for this warm bed.” You can say, “I wish I had never experienced that and, “Thank you for the friend who stayed.” You can say, “I am not grateful for what happened.” and still discover things in the life you are creating that are worthy of a thank you. Both can be true.

Start With One Thing

So today, don’t make yourself a gratitude list because someone told you that you should. Instead, look around. Ask yourself. “What is here, right now, that is not hurting me?” Find one thing. Notice it. Let it be enough. Tomorrow, perhaps you’ll notice another.

And over time, you may discover something rather beautiful. Thankfulness doesn’t ask you to lie about where you’ve been. It helps you notice that what happened to you is not the whole of the life you are living now. And there may be far more here to say thank you for than you realized.

Want to explore this with me a little further? I talk about this more personally in the Wisdom Wednesday episode Can You Be Thankful After Abuse Without Lying to Yourself?

You may also find this article helpful, I’m Sorry, I’m Not Sorry.

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Why Asking for Help Feels So Hard After Abuse – When survival teaches you to carry everything alone.

There is a difference between being capable and believing you have to carry everything alone. At first glance, those two things can look remarkably similar. Both women get things done. Both women manage responsibilities and keep moving forward even when life is difficult.

But beneath the surface, they are driven by very different beliefs. One woman chooses to carry what is hers. The other quietly believes she has no choice. That difference changes everything.

Many women in abusive relationships become incredibly capable. Long before she leaves, she has learned to read moods, anticipate conflict, manage finances with limited resources, protect her children, keep the household running, and make difficult decisions under constant overwhelming pressure.

She became adaptable because she had to. She learned to anticipate problems before they happened, adapted to changing situations, and carried responsibilities that often feel far too heavy for one person.

Those strengths don’t disappear when the relationship ends. If anything, they become even more important as she begins rebuilding her life. She uses that same determination to find a place to live, create financial stability, care for her family, and begin imagining a different future.

These are remarkable qualities. They speak to courage, perseverance, and an incredible capacity to endure challenging circumstances. The difficulty begins when the very strengths that helped her survive convince her that she must always survive alone.

When we understand what she’s lived through, her reluctance to ask for help makes perfect sense. She has spoken up and not been believed. She has been told she was imagining things, overreacting, or making too much of the situation. She has reached out, only to discover that even well-meaning people didn’t understand what life was really like.

After enough experiences like these, asking for help no longer feels like a place where someone will help her make sense of what she’s experiencing. Instead, it feels like one more place where she may not be seen, heard, or believed. It feels risky so she stops asking. Not because she wants to do everything alone. Because experience has taught her it may be safer that way.

Many women begin questioning not only what happened to them, but also whether they can trust their own thoughts and perceptions. I explored this more deeply in Borrowed Shame, Borrowed Identity, where we look at how other people’s words can quietly become our own beliefs.

For a woman who has lived through abuse accepting encouragement feels alien. Trusting someone else’s guidance can feel risky. Over time, carrying the full load alone no longer feels like a choice. It simply becomes normal.

I know that feeling because I have lived it. When I left my first marriage, I was frightened, overwhelmed, and responsible for two young children. Like so many women, I wasn’t just trying to recover from a difficult relationship. I was trying to build an entirely new life while wondering whether I was making the right decisions.

I reached out for help. Some people genuinely wanted to support me, but they didn’t know how. Others couldn’t understand what I had experienced. There were quite a few responses that left me feeling even more alone than before I had asked. Without realizing it, I reached a conclusion that many abused women eventually arrive at. “I’ll just figure this out myself.”

At the time, that decision felt wise. It felt safer than risking another disappointing conversation. Looking back, I understand why I made that choice. I also understand what it cost me.

The longer I believed I had to carry everything by myself, the smaller my world became. Every decision rested on my shoulders. Every problem was mine to solve. Every question had to be answered using only my own experiences and perspective. I wasn’t lacking strength. I was lacking support. There is an important difference.

Independence Was Never Meant to Mean Isolation

One of the greatest misconceptions about independence is that it means never needing anyone else. Many of us admire people who appear completely self-sufficient. They seem strong, confident, and capable of handling whatever life puts in front of them. It’s easy to believe that asking for help somehow weakens that image.

But healthy independence has never meant doing everything alone. Healthy independence means taking responsibility for your life while remaining open to the wisdom, encouragement, and support of others. It means making your own decisions without believing you must discover every answer by yourself.

There is a profound difference between choosing your own direction and believing you must walk every mile alone. Isolation quietly tells us something very different. It whispers, “No one will understand.” “You shouldn’t need help.” “It’s easier if you keep this to yourself.”

Those thoughts often feel convincing because they have been reinforced over many years.  They begin to sound less like fear and more like fact. But they are not facts. They are conclusions drawn from painful experiences. And while those conclusions may once have protected you, they may no longer be serving the life you are trying to create.

What if independence and support were never meant to compete with one another? What if they were designed to work together?

Think about the people you admire most. They probably ask questions. They read books. They seek advice. They hire coaches. They learn from mentors. They consult professionals. None of those things make them less independent. They make them wiser. They understand something many of us forget. Seeking support doesn’t hand your life to someone else. It gives you more information with which to make your own decisions.

Support Expands What Is Possible

One of the greatest fears women have after an abusive relationship is that accepting help means giving up control. If someone offers advice, will they expect me to follow it? If I lean on someone today, will I become dependent on them tomorrow? If I ask for help, does that mean I am no longer capable of handling my own life?

Those questions are understandable, especially for someone whose choices have been questioned, criticized, or controlled in the past. But healthy support doesn’t replace your judgment. It strengthens it.

Think about the last time you were overwhelmed by a problem. Chances are you went over the same thoughts repeatedly, looking for a solution. The harder you tried to think your way through it, the smaller your world became. Every possibility seemed to lead to another obstacle. That isn’t because you weren’t intelligent. It’s because overwhelm narrows our perspective.

When we’re carrying too much, our minds naturally focus on immediate problems. We become so close to the situation that we can no longer see beyond it. We aren’t seeing the whole picture. We’re seeing only the piece directly in front of us.

That’s where another person can make such a profound difference. Not because they have all the answers and not because they know what’s best for you. The other person is standing in a different place. They see possibilities that are hidden from your view. They aren’t necessarily wiser. They simply aren’t carrying the same emotional weight.

Sometimes the greatest gift another person gives us isn’t advice. It’s perspective.

I often think about the woman who changed the direction of my life without ever trying to. When I left my first marriage, a friend offered my children and me a place to stay while she and her family were away for the holidays. She didn’t solve my problems. She didn’t tell me what decisions to make. She didn’t rescue me.

She gave me something far more valuable. She gave me time. She gave me space. She gave me enough breathing room to think clearly again. At the time, I thought she was offering me a place to stay. Looking back, I realize she was offering me something much bigger. She was reminding me that I didn’t have to carry everything by myself. That simple act didn’t change my circumstances overnight. It changed what I believed was possible.

New beginnings rarely happen because someone else has all the answers. More often, they begin when we discover we don’t have to search for those answers alone.

None of us has every answer. We were never meant to. We each see life through the lens of our own experiences, and that perspective, while valuable, is always limited.

That’s one of the gifts healthy support offers. It doesn’t replace our thinking. It expands it. Healthy support broadens our perspective. It introduces new ideas, different experiences, and possibilities we may never have considered on our own.

When someone listens without judgment, asks thoughtful questions, or shares a perspective we hadn’t considered, our world becomes a little bigger. We begin to see possibilities that were always there but were hidden beneath the weight of carrying everything ourselves. That doesn’t diminish our independence. It strengthens it.

We are still the ones who choose the path. We simply have more of the landscape in view.

Confidence rarely appears before we take the next step. More often, it grows because we were willing to take it. I explore that idea further in Stop Waiting to Feel Confident.

You Get to Choose

There is an old saying that it takes a village to raise a child. I believe it also takes a village to help a woman rebuild her life. Life was never meant to be lived in isolation. We learn from one another. We encourage one another. We remind one another of strengths that are easy to overlook when life is overwhelming.

The important thing to remember is this. Accepting support does not mean giving up responsibility for your life. You are still the one making the decisions. You are still the one choosing your direction. You are still the one taking each step forward.

Support simply means you no longer have to figure everything out by yourself. Only you can decide whether you’re ready to let someone walk beside you. That choice has always belonged to you. But if you’ve been carrying the full load alone for longer than you can remember, perhaps it’s worth asking yourself one simple question.

What might become possible if I allowed someone to help me see more of the landscape?

Rebuilding your life doesn’t happen overnight. There is often a quiet season where you’re learning to trust yourself before you fully reconnect with the world. If that’s where you find yourself today, you may enjoy reading The Sacredness of the Season Between Surviving and Sharing Your Life Again.

A Gentle Reminder

You do not have to earn support. You do not have to prove you are strong enough to deserve compassion. You do not have to carry every burden by yourself. Sometimes the most courageous step forward is allowing someone to walk beside you. If this article has helped you recognize places in your life where you’ve been carrying the full load alone, I invite you to book a Freedom To Be You Session.

Together, we’ll explore where you are today, where you’d like to be, and what your next step might look like. My role isn’t to tell you what to do. It’s to help you see more of the landscape so you can confidently choose the path that feels right for you.

Book Your Freedom To Be You Session

Reflection

Is there one area of your life where you’ve been carrying the full load simply because you’ve forgotten that support is an option?

Navigating Life Changes Personal Growth
Featured

The Sacredness of the Season Between Surviving and Sharing Your Life Again

There is a season after leaving an abusive relationship that very few people talk about. Most conversations focus on leaving. Finding safety. Healing from the past. Learning to trust again.

Those conversations are important.

But there is another season that quietly follows, and in many ways it is just as important. It is the season between surviving and sharing your life again. It is a season many women try to rush through because they mistake it for loneliness. I don’t believe it is meant to be rushed.

I believe it is sacred.

Not because it is always easy. But because it gives you something that may have been missing for many years. The opportunity to discover yourself.

The Quiet That Feels Uncomfortable

Maybe you’ve had a Saturday morning like this. You wake up with nowhere you have to be.

You pour yourself a cup of coffee and stand quietly in your kitchen. The dishes are done.

The groceries are in the fridge. There are errands you could run and laundry that could be folded. Yet you find yourself standing there, coffee in hand, asking a question you never expected. “What am I going to do with myself today?”

Not because there is nothing to do. But because none of it feels meaningful. You could crawl back into bed. You could clean the house. You could scroll through social media. You could run errands you don’t really need to run. You could stay busy all day. Yet somehow, none of those things feel like the way you want to spend your hard-earned freedom.

That thought can be confusing. After everything it took to leave an abusive relationship, shouldn’t freedom feel wonderful? Instead, the quiet feels unfamiliar.

Before long another thought quietly slips into your mind. “Maybe I’m lonely.” Sometimes that is exactly what you’re feeling. But sometimes it isn’t.

Is It Loneliness, or Is It Something Else?

For years your days may have been shaped by someone else’s needs.

Meals to prepare.

Problems to solve.

Moods to manage.

Appointments to remember.

Conflicts to avoid.

Whether you wanted those responsibilities or not, they gave your life a familiar rhythm.                                                                                                           

Then one day that rhythm disappeared. The space that was once occupied by someone else suddenly became yours. That can feel strange. Not because there is anything wrong and not because you’ve failed. Simply because it is different, unfamiliar.

Our natural instinct is to fill that space as quickly as possible. We stay busy. We distract ourselves. We convince ourselves that if we can just keep moving, we won’t have to feel the discomfort. But what if that discomfort isn’t asking to be avoided? What if it is inviting you to ask a different question?

What do I want?

That question can be surprisingly difficult to answer because for so long you’ve been asking a different question. What does everyone else need from me? When your life has revolved around another person’s expectations, wants, and reactions, your own desires often become very quiet because they stopped receiving your attention. Learning to ask yourself what you want isn’t selfish. It is one of the first steps in rebuilding your life after abuse.  Perhaps this season isn’t asking you to fill every empty space. Perhaps it is inviting you to discover what belongs there.

Loneliness Is a Poor Matchmaker

When that empty space feels uncomfortable, it is completely understandable to want the feeling to go away.

Sometimes we fill our calendars.

Sometimes we fill our homes with noise.

Sometimes we begin looking for another relationship.

There is nothing wrong with wanting companionship. Human beings are created for connection. But there is a difference between wanting to share your life with someone and wanting someone else to remove the discomfort of being alone. That is why I often say,

Loneliness is a poor matchmaker. Not because relationships are dangerous. Not because love isn’t beautiful. But because loneliness can persuade us to mistake relief for readiness.

The season after leaving an abusive relationship has something precious to offer. Don’t let anyone, or anything, rush you past it.

The Gift of This Season

This season has something to offer you if you’re willing to give it time. Time without the distraction of another relationship.

It’s about giving yourself the opportunity to discover what brings you joy.

What you value.

What gives your life meaning.

What makes you laugh.

What you no longer want to compromise.

In other words, it’s giving yourself the opportunity to create a life that reflects who you truly are. This season gives you something many women have never had. The opportunity to discover yourself.

Approach this season with curiosity. Try something simply because you’ve never done it before. You might discover a new hobby. A new friendship. A new confidence. Or simply a new part of yourself.

Rediscover interests you may have set aside years ago.

Say yes to an invitation.

Take yourself somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.

Spend time with people who leave you feeling encouraged.

Notice what brings you joy.

Notice what drains your energy.

Most importantly, discover what feels like home in your heart. Every new experience teaches you something. Not just about the world around you. But about yourself.

You begin to notice things you may never have paid attention to before.

“I really enjoyed that.”

“I’d like to do that again.”

“That doesn’t feel right for me anymore.”

“I never realized how important that was to me.”

Little by little, you begin to recognize your own voice. It is not the voice of your past. Nor is it the voice of someone else’s expectations. It is your voice.

For many women, that realization is life changing. After years of adapting, accommodating, and trying to keep the peace, you begin to discover that your own thoughts, dreams, values, and opinions matter. Not because someone else finally gives you permission. Because they always mattered.

You are now giving yourself permission to listen. And you begin to trust yourself. That trust quietly grows into confidence.

Confidence in the choices you make.

Confidence in the boundaries you set.

Confidence in the opportunities you embrace.

Confidence in the life you’re creating.

As your confidence grows, your values become clearer. You recognize what brings you peace.

You become more certain about what you will and will not accept. This confidence doesn’t suddenly appear one morning. It grows one experience at a time. One decision at a time. One ordinary Saturday at a time.

The Most Important Relationship

As you begin creating a life that reflects who you are, something else begins to change. The relationship you have with yourself.

You stop apologizing for the things that matter to you. You become more comfortable saying yes when something feels right. You become more comfortable saying no when it doesn’t.

You no longer need someone else to tell you who you are because you’re discovering that for yourself. This relationship with yourself becomes the foundation for every other relationship in your life.

Friends.

Family.

Coworkers.

Neighbours.

And perhaps one day, another intimate relationship.

When we enter a relationship before we’ve had the opportunity to know ourselves, it is easy to begin organizing our lives around another person again. Not because we intend to. But because it feels familiar. Without even realizing it, we slowly stop asking, “What do I want?” And begin asking, “What do they need?” Or, “How do I keep this relationship working?”

Those are the very questions this season has been gently inviting you to step away from. That is why giving yourself time matters. Not because relationships are dangerous and not because you should be afraid to love again. But because you matter.

The more deeply you know yourself, the more likely you are to recognize someone who honours the woman you are instead of expecting you to become someone else. Healthy relationships don’t ask you to disappear. They make room for you to be fully yourself.

The Sacredness of This Season

Our world often tells us to move on quickly, stay busy, find someone new, fill the empty space.

I would like to offer you a different perspective. What if this season isn’t empty at all? What if it is one of the richest seasons of your life? What if this quiet space is where you discover strengths you never knew you had? Where you learn to trust yourself. Where you laugh without wondering whether someone else approves. Where you decorate your home the way you like it. Travel where you want to go. Eat what you enjoy. Spend time with people who encourage you. Create traditions that belong to you. Dream dreams that are yours.

Gradually, you stop building a life around surviving. You begin building a life around living. That is the gift of this season. Not waiting.

Living.

Not preparing for someone else. Becoming more deeply acquainted with yourself.

An Invitation

If you find yourself in this season today, don’t rush through it.

Protect it.

Be curious.

Pay attention.

Allow yourself to become fascinated by the woman you’re getting to know. There is no timetable. No finish line. No prize for reaching the next relationship first. There is simply today.

This Saturday. This cup of coffee. This opportunity to ask, “What do I want?” You may be surprised by the answer.

One day, if someone joins the life you’ve so intentionally created, my hope is that they honour what you have so lovingly built. Because the healthiest relationship you build after leaving an abusive relationship is not a romantic one. It is the relationship you build with yourself.

Everything else grows from there.

If this season feels familiar to you and you’re looking for someone to walk beside you as you create a life that reflects who you are, I’d love to invite you to book a Freedom To Be You Session.

Together, we’ll explore where you are today, where you’d like to be, and the next step that’s right for you. Book your free call today.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Sometimes one conversation is all it takes to begin seeing your life differently.

Navigating Life Changes
Featured

When Lightning Strikes….

The NOAA describes lightning as “ a massive electrostatic discharge in the atmosphere. It occurs when positive and negative electrical charges build up and separate within a storm cloud. When this charge imbalance becomes too great, it rapidly discharges to balance itself out, producing a brilliant flash of light and explosive heat. 

Often when a storm approaches, we can tell it is coming because of the clues or signs that can be seen or felt.  The colour of the sky changes sometimes to a green, grey colour.  The winds increase, and the leaves of trees turn. Animals and birds seek shelter.  Most times you can feel the barometric pressure change.  Some people claim they feel the storm coming in their joints.  Usually we have enough information, via weather reports, alerts on our phones to get to a safe place to weather out to the storm. In modern language weathering out the storm means to successfully survive or endure a difficult situation, hardship, or period of crisis without being permanently damaged or destroyed.

Sometimes in our lives, a storm is brewing. Emotional, physical, financial, social pressures are mounting. Our beliefs, thoughts and habits can become like strong winds that increase the intensity of said pressure.  Ironically, we can be so committed to keeping it all together, that we do not even recognize the tell-tale signs that the storm is imminent. 

On Feb 5, 2026, lightning struck for me.  Not the lightning from the sky. The internal lightning from the build up of pressure of a prolonged over stimulated central nervous system.  Along with some physical consequences, I was forced to stop and assess some thought patterns, held beliefs and habits.  I did not recognize the warning signs of exhaustion.  Even though, there had been many nights of being awake all night long.  I could still pull off the required functions of requirements of life: managing a household, being an essential care-giver to my MIL, being a good wife and mother, and a competent business partner or so I thought.  Any issues of headache, or physical stiffness or numbness, I just chalked up to being in menopause. Since so many women experience deep fatigue, insomnia, irritability or lack of focus during this time in life, it was a common sense to put it down to that. ( Look at all the ads trying to sell to us women, the latest drug, remedy or gizmo to fix fatigue.)   Sometimes it takes a significant flash to cause one to pay attention.

Thankfully I knew to ask for help.  I had a series of medical tests run and ruled out any critical issues. All those years of fitness classes, running and weight training paid dividends when it came to a healthy heart and arteries.  Ladies, it is worthwhile to know your numbers.  

What I did realize was that trying to be all things to all people cannot be done. I had to take a step back, reassess what truly mattered to me, and start recognizing what my heart desired. Self-care in the form of exercise, massage treatments and get togethers with family and friends had fallen by the wayside.  I got caught up in the Obligation Station, ei. thinking I had to do this thing, and this deadline needed to be met, and I am behind on that commitment.  It spins in your head and takes a lot of energy.  Fear creeps in, telling you that what you do is not enough, or good enough.   Then guilt shows up and it spreads the lie that “I am doing something wrong”.  Shame may join in the chorus, with the line that says, “There must be something wrong with me”.  Shame also encourages us to compare ourselves with others.  We may think it looks like everyone else has it all together, why don’t I?   It is funny, that because I view myself as a healthy, fit person who is well educated in wellness when a health issue comes up, I view it as a failure, because I should know better and do better…

 Well, That thought has got to go.  That is ego.  Capture the thought, analyse it, is it true? Is it beneficial to me?  Is it loving?  How can it be reframed so it is loving, beneficial and true?

The body reacts to what the mind believes.  So, if I want harmony in the body, I want harmony in the mind.  Most importantly, I want a spirit of harmony. This spirit is within us. How does one align with that spirit?  One must quiet the mind. The levels of spiritual, emotional, mental and physical can not be separated. One impacts the others.    For me, the best way to quiet the mind, get to the root issue, and start healing by aligning head to heart is with PureBioenergy Healing Therapy.  That and returning to daily spiritual practices are what helped me to get through this storm.  I am grateful to Shirley Benson and Stephanie Cote for giving me PureBioenergy Healing Therapy sessions. I am grateful to Jane for her daily phone calls. I am grateful to my husband for his constant care.  I am grateful to Rose for reminding me to rest, and that certain things cannot be rushed. 

As the storm settles, and I look back to what I had learned in the aftermath.  Here are a few lessons on restoration of self care.

   Self love is consistent self-care.  Not just care when symptoms show up. Not a Band-Aid over the problem and then ignoring it.  Self- care like a boundary saying “I can’t take that project on at this time”.  Self-care includes being honest with yourself and with others.

Care like scheduling the time for a stretching program or a Pilates class or a walk in the woods with a friend.   Self-care like eating healthy proteins and vegetables on a regular basis, even if you might not feel hungry.  Never skip meals or go too long without eating, as hunger signals your body to release stress hormones. And those stress hormones can reek havoc with our central nervous system and our sleep.

Self love can be spending time with your loved ones and just being. Not having to do anything to prove love. Just being with them and being yourself is enough. It is all that truly matters.  The gift of being present.  Laughter cures a variety of ills.

Self-care includes talking to a trusted friend or counsellor when issues arise. Sometimes a solution may not be readily available, but a burden shared is a burden halved. Decreasing the worry of a situation, allows our creative mind and spirit to be open to a solution.   Prayer is a proven element to decrease stress and increase balance.  As Edgar Cacey reminds us, we are spiritual beings having an adventure of consciousness.  Jesus tells us, that whatever you ask for, in my name will be given you.  Meditation can bring one to the inner quiet space.  Once we recognize that frenetic energy of worry, or fear, the awareness changes everything.  We can choose to align with a peaceful alternative. Recognizing the pattern of isolating yourself is also important. We are meant for community and being alone for too long, impedes healing.

Now, I am not saying this is easy.  Consistency takes effort.  Capturing our thoughts and stopping the harsh judgement of ourselves (and others) takes a spiritual strength that is only achievable with practice. I do have to accept myself where I am at. But that doesn’t mean that I will stay in this place. The pressures we put on ourselves deserved to be examined, to determine if they are real, if they are sharable or if they are even necessary.   Physical strength is increased by consistent and increasing effort, so is spiritual strength. To stay balanced, I need both.

Thanks again to all who helped me weather this storm. If you are reading this and feel you would like a safe environment to assist you during your life storm, please reach out.  We will share our umbrella.     In gratitude and Love,  Judy

Personal Growth
Featured

Financial Security: What it means to me

For 15 years, I worked in the financial services industry. I held my Chartered Life Underwriter Designation, a mutual funds license and helped families create financial plans to protect from the risks of death, disability, while at the same time, save for their future needs. Be it a home, education, retirement, travel, cottage, whatever mattered to each person.  The plans had to be flexible enough to manage life’s unforeseen circumstances, yet stabile enough to create a foundation of security. 

The interesting thing about money is that if you speak to 5 different people, you may get 5 different answers on how money is viewed.  In a study done in New Zealand, it was discovered that there are 5 different money personality types. 

The enterpriser who is a future oriented planner.  The minimalist confident in their saving ability as they value a simpler life. The socialite is a joyful, risk taker, a generous emotional spender, who lives today and doesn’t think about tomorrow. The Contemporary focuses on paying down debt and maintaining a saving account to increase financial resilience. The Realist is very conservative with risk, highly values money yet is not confident in their money handling ability.  People may have some elements of each of the 5 types of money personalities but leans towards one predominantly.    How we think about money, does impact how we live our lives. 

I have met people to afraid to spend money on themselves and I have met people who would never think of spending a dollar on anyone other than themselves.  What matters to your financial security is the belief that you personally hold.  Your belief system inevitably creates your reality.  If you believe that your needs will be met, they will be.  The correlation is that you have the ability to do the work to achieve that. That too is a belief. This is faith in action.   I know people who acquire what they need or desire all the time, because their belief that it is so is that strong.  

Now, I am not saying that from time to time, we don’t experience financial upheaval, or challenges. We all do and always will.  That is the cycle of life. The economic cycles of expansion, contraction, recession, recovery and growth. In our lives, we have times of great affluence, influence or prosperity, gains in friendships, gains in weight, gains in experience. Then there will be times of contraction, weight loss, austerity, focusing inward, less spending, more sheltering.   Recognizing the cyclical nature of the world, be it the weather, the seasons, the economic times, the political times, the relationship of parent/child -child/parent ei the child if they both live long enough will parent the parent.  There is always a cycle.  Where on the curve of the cycle are you now?  Here is a method to plot that.

The wheel of life assessment is a common tool used to asset one’s life. The circle contains 10 sections which are important to maintain a balance or equilibrium in your life.  Imagine the spokes of a wheel. (you know, the things we used to weave ribbon through on our bicycles) Remembering that life, if viewed as a wheel, and one that is actually in constant motion, the balance part becomes increasingly important.  We want our wheels to support us, to carry us forward and keep us upright.  When learning to ride a motorcycle, our instructors would say, keep your eyes up and look to where you are going.  In life, it is the same. If we look down, we go down. How often did we fall off our bikes, when our attention went to either what was behind us, or the road below us.  We must look up and push forward.  To look forward and believe that the road ahead holds adventure, reward, opportunity, joy and fulfilment. 

The 10 elements on the wheel of life assessment tool are 1. Health, 2. Family, 3. Relationships 4. Social, 5. Financial, 6. Career/Business, 7. Education, 8. Hobbies, Fun/Leisure/Recreation, 9. Spiritual Growth,10. Contribution, and Creativity

I add this important paragraph to emphasis that money is only one aspect of life. The other 9 are just as important.  Sometimes, we judge ourselves just on the money portion, abundance of or lack thereof, forgetting that all the other aspects are essential to a balanced life.

Your money views or values are instilled by your family, your culture and your environment.  Money views can change if you choose to look at them and make adjustments if your current views are not serving you.  If savings was never taught as a goal to aspire to, it may not be of importance to you. Some people believe the only good investment is real estate.  Debt for the purpose of gain, or investment is a concept sometimes known as using “other people’s money” was very popular in the 1980s. It had its risks, and rewards. Gambling today is not only trending but is growing at an exponential rate.  Not that long ago, gambling was considered irresponsible. Today many people have an app on their phone. I am not recommending gambling just observing that something has changed, in how it is now presented.   Whether a person believes being in the stock market is too risky or is the only way to decrease the risk of the deflation of the dollar, it is the belief that matters. There will always be bad investments that don’t provide the reward that was promised.  There will be good opportunities that bring you more joy, than you could have imagined.

It is beneficial to work with a financial planner who is there to educate you on the options available for savings, investments and risk reduction and tax savings.  You want a person with whom you can build a relationship, not someone who just wants to make a sale.  Someone who understands your values, knows your family and your objectives.  So that when the life insurance policy or the critical illness policy needs to be paid out, they are there to assist with all the decisions to be made at that time.  Someone to celebrate with you, when you have your retirement party or send a  bon voyage card as you leave on a family cruise.

Financial security comes when you have confidence that the decisions you are making are the right decisions for you.  Feeling secure with your own unique plan. Be that being a technical nomad, or a homeowner with a vacation property, a tiny home, or a Harley.  It is your life, your choice, your money.  Take the road, make the choice and enjoy the ride.   If you get to a dead-end, or don’t like the scenery, change your route.  The experience you gain along the way has value too.  Life expands and contracts.  As my mentor would say, “You have to exhale, you cannot just inhale.” I believe that as we use our talents, money, and time to serve others in a beneficial way, the rewards flow back to us. And wouldn’t that qualify as a life well-lived?

Healing Practices
Featured

This Is Why Nothing You Try Is Working

It didn’t happen all at once. There wasn’t a single moment she could point to and say, that’s when everything changed. It was quieter than that.

At first, it was just a feeling. A pause in the morning that lingered a little longer than usual. A moment in the mirror where something felt, unfamiliar. Not wrong. Just, not quite right.

She was doing everything she needed to do. Getting through the day. Taking care of what mattered. Showing up for the people who counted on her. She had learned how to keep things moving. Even on the days when her energy was low or her thoughts felt heavy or something inside of her just wanted to stop. She knew how to push through the exhaustion. She knew how to stay calm in conversations that didn’t feel safe, how to choose her words carefully so things didn’t escalate. She had learned how to read the room. To notice tone. To sense when something was about to shift. She had learned how to carry things quietly. The tension. The confusion. The moments that stayed with her long after they were over.

And over time, that way of living became normal. So normal, in fact, that even when life became quieter her body didn’t immediately follow. It still held the patterns of staying alert of staying careful of staying in control.

And from the outside, her life looked steady. But inside, there was a distance she couldn’t quite explain.

She noticed it in small ways. The way decisions felt harder than they used to. The way she would second-guess herself, even on simple things. The way her emotions would either rise too quickly or not come at all. Sometimes she felt overwhelmed. Sometimes she felt nothing. And neither felt like her.

So, she did what most of us do. She tried to figure it out.  Maybe she needed a better routine. Maybe she needed more discipline. Maybe there was something she just hadn’t uncovered yet. She began looking for answers. Reading. Listening. Trying to understand what was happening inside of her.  And for a while, that felt helpful. It gave her something to hold onto. Something to work with. But over time, something else began to happen. The more she searched, the further away she seemed to feel.  Because every new idea, every new explanation, quietly carried the same message underneath it. There’s something here that needs to be fixed. And she started to wonder, what if I just haven’t found it yet?

It’s a confusing place to be in. Frustrating, in a way that’s hard to explain. Because you’re doing everything you can and still not finding the answers you’re looking for. You’re not falling apart. You’re functioning. You’re managing. You are still holding it all together. And still, something feels off.

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. And I want to offer you something.

What if this isn’t about finding the thing that’s wrong? What if what you’re feeling is not a sign that something is missing but a sign that something within you has been waiting for your attention? Because when a woman has lived through difficult seasons, whether it was a relationship that took more than it gave or years of putting herself second or simply carrying more than anyone ever saw, something very real happens.

She adapts. She becomes strong in ways she never planned to be. She learns how to keep going. How to hold it together, how to get through. And over time she can begin to lose touch with her own voice.  Not because she’s done anything wrong. But because she’s been doing what she needed to do. She’s been surviving.

And survival, even when it’s quiet, has a way of pulling our attention outward. To what needs to be done. To what’s expected. To what keeps everything moving. And slowly, without even noticing it the connection to her own voice can become harder to hear.

So, when she finally pauses, when things begin to slow down, even just a little, she doesn’t immediately feel clarity. She feels uncertainty. Not because she doesn’t know who she is. But because she hasn’t had the space to hear herself. And this is the part that often gets misunderstood.

You don’t come back to yourself by searching harder. You don’t reconnect by fixing anything. You rediscover yourself through something much quieter than that. Through safety. Through small moments where nothing is required of you. Through noticing what your body is holding
without rushing past it. Through allowing a feeling to rise without needing to change it. Through listening without immediately questioning what you hear.

At first, it can feel unfamiliar. Even uncomfortable. You’ve spent so long being in motion. But if you stay with it, something begins to shift. You start to feel small moments of stability. A little more clarity. A little more ease. You begin to recognize what feels right for you and what no longer does.

And this is the part that often goes unseen. Because when nothing looks obviously wrong, the instinct is to keep searching for answers. To try harder. To figure it out. To find the thing that will finally make it make sense.

But what if this isn’t something to solve? What if what you’re feeling isn’t a sign that something is wrong but a sign that something within you is ready to be heard? Not fixed. Not changed. Just heard.

And from that place, your choices begin to change. Not because you forced them. Not because you finally found the right strategy. But because you are no longer functioning from disconnection.

You are moving from a place of clarity. And that changes everything.

Your confidence doesn’t come from pushing. Confidence grows from trusting what you feel and knowing that you can respond to it. Your direction becomes clearer. Not all at once, but in a way that feels stable and real. And the life you begin to create starts to feel like it belongs to you again.

This is the work I care about. Not helping you fix yourself. Not helping you search for one more answer. But walking with you as you gently rediscover yourself.

Because nothing about you is missing. Nothing about you needs to be corrected. There is simply a part of you that hasn’t been given the space to be heard. And when she is heard, everything begins to feel different.

If something in this felt familiar, the next step is simple. Book your Heartbreak Freedom Session. On this call, we will talk about where you are and what you dream of. I’ll help you see what’s been happening beneath the surface and guide you toward your next steps with clarity and support.

This is your chance to start creating the life you deserve.

Personal Growth
Featured

The Boundaries Within: Honoring the Promises You Make to Yourself

When we talk about boundaries, most people immediately think about the limits we set with others. Saying no, protecting our time, or stepping away from unhealthy relationships. But there is another type of boundary that is just as important, and often even more powerful.

These are internal boundaries.

Internal boundaries are the quiet agreements we make with ourselves about how we will live, what we will accept from our own behavior, and how we will honor our values.

They guide the choices we make when no one is watching. They shape the habits we allow, the thoughts we entertain, and the expectations we hold for ourselves. 

Unlike external boundaries, which protect us from outside influences, internal boundaries protect us from drifting away from our own values and purpose.

They are the promises we make to ourselves and keep.

When our internal boundaries are strong, we experience more peace, clarity, and confidence. When they are weak or unclear, we may feel scattered, exhausted, frustrated or disappointed in ourselves. At their core, internal boundaries are deeply connected to our values. They reflect who we truly want to be and how we choose to live.

Examples of Internal Boundaries

Here are three examples of internal boundaries many people set as part of their growth and healing journey.

1. Protecting Your Energy

An internal boundary might sound like:
“I will not push myself past exhaustion just to meet unrealistic expectations.”

This boundary honors the value of self-respect and wellness. It means allowing yourself rest instead of constantly overworking or over-giving.

2. Speaking to Yourself with Compassion

Another internal boundary could be:
“I will not allow harsh self-criticism to dominate my thoughts.” or “I think and speak only words of love.”

This boundary protects your emotional well-being and reflects the value of self-kindness. When negative self-talk appears, you gently redirect it with truth and compassion.

3. Staying Aligned with Your Integrity

An internal boundary may also sound like:
“I will make decisions that align with my values, even when it is difficult.”

This boundary supports honesty, authenticity, and personal integrity. It keeps you grounded in who you are rather than bending to pressure or fear. Internal boundaries become stronger when they are consciously aligned with our values and the person we are becoming. Here are three ways to begin strengthening them.

1. Clarify Your Core Values

Internal boundaries grow naturally when you understand what truly matters to you. Take time to reflect on questions such as:

  • What qualities do I want to live by?
  • What kind of person do I want to be in difficult moments?
  • What brings me peace and alignment?

When you know your values, it becomes easier to create internal limits that support them.

2. Practice Gentle Self-Awareness

Pay attention to the moments when you feel drained, conflicted, or out of alignment. These feelings often signal that an internal boundary has been crossed. Physically this may feel like heat rising, or stomach issues or deep fatigue. You may feel a flurry of emotions.

Instead of judging yourself, simply notice the pattern and ask: “What boundary within myself needs strengthening here?”

Awareness is the first step toward change.

3. Create Small Daily Commitments

Internal boundaries are strengthened through consistent choices, not dramatic change. This might look like:

  • Taking a few quiet moments for yourself each day
  • Pausing before reacting emotionally
  • Choosing rest when your body asks for it
  • Speaking kindly to yourself when mistakes happen

Each small decision reinforces the message that your values matter and your well-being deserves protection.

A Gentle Reminder

Internal boundaries are not about perfection or strict control. They are about living with intention and integrity. They help you remain connected to your wisdom, your values, and your higher self. The more you honor these inner agreements, the more your life begins to reflect who you truly are. Because ultimately, the most important boundaries we set are not the ones we speak to others. They are the ones we quietly keep within ourselves.

Let’s take a few quiet moments and reflect on these questions:

  • Where in my life do I feel out of alignment with my values?
  • What internal promise have I been neglecting or ignoring?
  • What small boundary could I set within myself today to honour my well-being?

Write freely and without judgment. This reflection is not about criticism. It is about awareness and growth. Often when we write in cursive, our subconscious thoughts come forward. Since our thoughts create our habits, so what thoughts are operating in the background?

Here’s a wee poem I wrote, and an affirmation you can choose to quote.

Internal Me

I hold the promises I make to me

That promise will shape the best me; I can be.

This part of me is precious and true.

The glass through which I perceive my world view.

My inner compass, my divine true north

Keeps my spirit going forth.

Each one of us is wondrously created.

When you uncover your divine truth your fears are abated.

With strong, open hearts,

A mind pure and light,

May our internal selves

Be joy filled and shine bright.

I honor the promises I make to myself.
My choices reflect my values, my wisdom, and my worth.

For more insights on boundaries, check out my other blog post.

Navigating Life Changes
Featured

When Life Feels Shaky, Focus on the Day in Front of You.

Five practical ways to create steadiness.

There are seasons in life when everything feels uncertain.

You wake up and the ground beneath you doesn’t feel solid. You may not say the words “identity crisis,” but somewhere inside, you feel lost. You might even whisper, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

This is especially common after abuse, divorce, or any major life disruption. The roles shift. The routines change. The version of you that once felt familiar feels far away.

And yet, the day still arrives.

The dishes still need washing. The emails still need answering. You still have the job to attend to. The world keeps moving, even when you feel unsteady.

When life feels shaky, the instinct is to solve the problem. Often, we decide that the problem is us. That now we need to figure ourselves out. Reinvent who we are. But when your energy is low, that is too big of a task.

Instead, focus on the day in front of you.

Not your whole life.
Not your future.
Just today.

Here are five practical ways to create steadiness when you are simply trying to make it through.

1. Shrink the Day Into Manageable Pieces

When everything feels overwhelming, your nervous system is probably scanning for danger. You do not need a five-year plan. You need containment.

Break your day into small sections.

Morning.
Afternoon.
Evening.

You only have to move through the section you are currently in. You do not need to solve tonight while you are still drinking your morning coffee.

Delay some of your to-do list if possible. Determine what your capacity is for the day and honour it. Super woman is a myth.

This simple mental shift reduces pressure. It reminds your system that you are not responsible for carrying the entire weight of your life at once.

2. Stabilize Your Body Before You Analyze Your Life

When you feel lost, your mind will try to fix it by thinking harder.

But identity questions get louder when your body is depleted.

Before you ask, who am I now? ask:

Have I eaten something nourishing?
Have I had water?
Have I stepped outside?
Have I taken three slow breaths?

Practical lifestyle stability is not trivial. It is foundational.

A short walk. A warm shower. A consistent bedtime. These small rhythms communicate safety to your nervous system.

And when your body feels a little steadier, your thoughts often follow.

3. Reduce Decisions on Low-Energy Days

Decision fatigue drains already fragile energy.

On the days when life feels shaky, simplify.

Wear something comfortable without overthinking it. I used to pick my clothes the night before so I didn’t have to decide in the morning based on my mood.

Repeat meals you know feel good. During one difficult season, my go-to was simple chicken, roasted potatoes, and a bagged salad. Nutritious, predictable, and with leftovers. No decisions required.

Postpone nonessential decisions. It is not irresponsible to say, “I can’t do this today.” You are not being lazy. You are conserving capacity. Make any necessary apologies – if it’s safe to do so. Being honest about your capacity allows others the opportunity to support you.

When you do not know who you are anymore, even simple choices can feel heavy. Reducing decisions gives your mind space to rest.

A little note for those in the divorce process. Just because someone wants you to make all the decisions right now does not mean you must accommodate. The phrase, “Let me think about that,” gives you time and space before acting. It does not remove responsibility. It restores capacity.

4. Create One Predictable Anchor

Uncertainty shrinks when something in your day remains consistent.

Choose one small, repeatable ritual.

The same mug each morning.
A short walk at the same time each day.
Five minutes in a quiet chair before bed.

If your mornings looks like, dragging yourself out of bed and then rushing yourself out the door ponder some ways to start your morning in a calmer state. Many leaders speak about the power of morning routines. What I have learned is this: they do not have to be long. They have to be consistent.

I have subscribed to a morning routine for many years now. My morning routine has changed over the years – totally dependant on how much time I gave myself. I’ve had 10-minute routines. I’ve had hour long routines.  Currently I have a 40-minute routine that has exercise and meditation. 20 minutes of each.

Early on I realized that morning routines actually start the night before. Preparing for the next day started with making my lunch, showering or having a bath, picking out my wardrobe for the day and reading before lights out. All this took less than an hour.

Predictability builds internal safety. Safety builds clarity. Over time, this anchor becomes evidence that not everything is unstable. Something remains steady. And that steadiness slowly strengthens you.

5. End the Day With One Honest Acknowledgment

On shaky days, your mind will automatically scan for what you did not accomplish. You will notice the unfinished laundry. The unanswered messages. The moments you felt irritable or distant. The ways you believe you should have handled things better. When you already feel unsure of who you are, this internal criticism can quietly reinforce the fear that you are failing at life.

So instead of evaluating your worth at the end of the day, practice acknowledgment.

Before you go to bed, pause for a moment and name one thing that is true:

I got out of bed.
I showed up for work.
I made dinner.
I answered one hard email.
I asked for help.
I took a breath instead of reacting.

It does not have to be impressive. It has to be honest. This is not positive thinking. It is evidence gathering.

When life feels shaky, your brain collects proof that you are unstable or incapable. Ending your day with one acknowledgment interrupts that pattern. It reminds you that you are still here, still participating, still capable of small steady actions.

There was a season in my own life when my only real goal was to move from morning coffee to bedtime without unraveling. I was not building anything grand. I was not discovering my purpose. I was simply trying to stay steady enough to function. And on many nights, the only thing I could honestly say was, “I made it.”

That sentence carried more strength than I realized at the time. Over weeks and months, that quiet acknowledgment began rebuilding something deeper than confidence. It rebuilt trust. Not the loud kind of trust that says, “I have it all figured out.” The steady kind that says, “I can move through hard days without losing myself.”

If you are in a season where you feel lost, this simple practice matters more than you realize. Identity does not return in dramatic moments. It returns through repetition. Through small, steady confirmations that you are still showing up for your own life.

Sometimes the most powerful sentence you can whisper before sleep is this: “I made it through today.”

If You Feel Like You Don’t Know Who You Are Anymore

When women tell me they feel lost, what they often mean is this: life changed faster than they could adapt. They often assume something is wrong with them. As if they failed to hold on to who they were. Feeling lost is not a problem to be solved. It is often a pause. A transition.

If you are navigating life after abuse, violence, trauma or divorce, your system may still be carrying more than you realize. Trying to “find yourself” while you still feel internally braced can create more pressure. The most powerful thing you can do is create daily steadiness first.

Identity returns through safety.
Clarity returns through calm.
Strength returns through repetition.

If your days feel like something you are surviving rather than living, it may be time to gently address what your system is still holding.

On February 24, I will be hosting a free workshop called Make Peace With Your Past. We will explore simple, practical ways to reduce the emotional load you are carrying so that life feels steadier from the inside out.

You do not have to figure out who you are today. You only need to create enough steadiness to move through the day in front of you.

And that is enough for now.

Blog Posts Emotions
Featured

Emotional Safety Begins Within

Emotional Safety Begins Within: How Self-Talk Shapes Self-Confidence

Emotional safety does not begin in our relationships with others.
It begins within our heart and our mind.

It begins in the way we speak to ourselves.

Before we feel confident in the world, before we trust our decisions or feel anchored in who we are, our nervous system needs to feel safe. And that sense of safety is shaped, or quietly eroded, moment by moment by our inner dialogue.  Before we feel grounded in who we are, we need to feel emotionally safe inside our own minds. Self-talk is the constant conversation happening beneath our awareness. It interprets our experiences, narrates our mistakes, and quietly teaches our nervous system what to expect from life. When that inner voice is critical, dismissive, or dishonest, the body stays on alert. When it is kind, clear, and supportive, the body begins to settle.

Emotional safety and self-confidence are deeply connected. And one of the most powerful ways to strengthen both is by becoming intentional about how we communicate with ourselves.

Thoughts and the Central Nervous System

Every thought you think sends a signal through your central nervous system.

Critical or fear-based thoughts activate the sympathetic nervous system, the part responsible for fight, flight, or freeze or fawn. This can show up as anxiety, tension, irritability, racing thoughts, insomnia or emotional exhaustion. When the nervous system stays in this state for too long, self-confidence erodes. It becomes harder to trust yourself, make decisions, or feel grounded.

Supportive, honest thoughts activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the state of rest, regulation, and repair. This is where clarity lives. This is where intuition becomes accessible. This is where confidence can grow.

Your body does not distinguish between an external threat and an internal one. Harsh self-talk is experienced by the nervous system as danger.

That is why emotional safety begins with awareness.

1. Awareness: Noticing the Thoughts That Frequent Your Mind

You cannot change what you are not aware of.

Most self-talk runs automatically. Thoughts like:

I should be over this by now.

  • Why am I like this?
  • I’ll deal with it later.
  • I’m not doing enough.

These thoughts may feel factual, but they are often conditioned patterns shaped by past experiences, expectations, and survival strategies.

Awareness means gently noticing:

  • What thoughts repeat most often?
  • What emotional tone do they carry?
  • What happens in your body when they arise?

Do your shoulders tighten?
Does your breath become shallow?
Does your energy drop?

This awareness alone can begin to calm the nervous system. When you observe rather than react, you create a pause. And that pause is where emotional safety begins.

2. Curiosity: Where Did These Thoughts Come From?

Once you notice your self-talk, the next step is curiosity, not judgment.

Instead of asking, What’s wrong with me for thinking this?
Ask. Where did I learn this voice?

Many thought patterns originate from:

  • Childhood conditioning
  • Past relationships
  • Cultural or spiritual expectations
  • Times when honesty felt unsafe

That critical voice may have once protected you. It may have helped you avoid conflict, stay alert, or meet expectations. But what once supported survival may now be undermining confidence.

Curiosity signals safety to the nervous system. It shifts you out of self-attack and into self-understanding. When the body senses curiosity instead of criticism, it softens.

And a softened nervous system is more open to change.

3. Pausing to Listen: The Advantage of Calm and Clarity

You cannot hear your thoughts clearly when your nervous system is dysregulated.

When you’re anxious or overwhelmed, thoughts feel louder, faster, and more convincing. That’s why calming the body comes before changing the mind.

Pausing may look like:

  • Taking three slow breaths
  • Placing a hand on your chest or belly
  • Sitting quietly for 30 seconds
  • Squeeze and release your muscles

This pause activates the parasympathetic nervous system. As the body settles, clarity returns.

Clarity allows you to listen, not just to the thought itself, but to what’s underneath it. Often beneath self-criticism is fear, fatigue, or an unmet need.

When you become calm enough to listen, you move from reaction to response. And response is where your power lives.

4. Capturing the Thought: Creating Space and Choice

Once you are aware and calm enough to listen, the next step is to capture the thought.

Capturing a thought means naming it.

Instead of:
I’m failing.

You say:
I’m noticing the thought that I’m failing.

This simple shift creates space between you and the thought. You are no longer fused with it, you are observing it.

This matters deeply for the nervous system. It reminds your body that thoughts are not commands or truths they are experiences that can be examined.

Capturing thoughts restores agency. It gives you back choice.

5. Recognizing Your Power to Change Your Thoughts

Here is the truth many people were never taught:

You may not control the first thought that appears but you do have power over what happens next.

When you capture a thought, you can respond to it.

This is where self-confidence begins to rebuild.

Responding does not mean arguing with the thought or forcing positivity. It means offering yourself grace.

6. Replacing the Thought With Grace Toward Yourself

Graceful self-talk supports nervous system regulation. It communicates safety, patience, and support.

For example:

  • I should be stronger than this becomes
    This is hard, and I’m allowed to take my time.
  • I don’t trust myself becomes
    I’m rebuilding trust one choice at a time.
  • I’m failing becomes
    I’m learning, and learning takes courage.

Grace does not deny reality. It meets reality with compassion.

When your nervous system feels safe, your mind becomes more flexible. When your mind is flexible, confidence grows naturally.

How Emotional Safety Builds Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is not created by pushing harder or silencing doubt. It is built through repeated experiences of inner safety.

Each time you:

  • Notice a thought
  • Get curious about its origin
  • Pause to calm your body
  • Capture the thought
  • Respond with grace

You teach your nervous system a new message:
I am safe with myself.

Over time, this changes everything. How you make decisions, how you trust your intuition, how you relate to others, and how you move through the world.

A Gentle Reminder

Changing self-talk is not about perfection. It’s about orientation—turning toward yourself instead of away.

There will be days when the old voice is loud. That doesn’t mean you’re falling back. It means your nervous system is asking for care.

Emotional safety is the foundation upon which self-confidence is built. And emotional safety begins with how you speak to yourself.

You don’t need to become someone new.
Gently start to become kinder and clearer with the wonderful woman you already are.

If you would like support with a few methods to help you with this, Rose and I are here to be of assistance.   You can join our free webinar “Make Peace with Your Past”. Download the Belief Blossoms e-book and/or book a free Heartbreak Freedom Session to have someone who cares listen.  Every month we offer an Online PureBioenergy Healing Therapy to calm your mind, align your head and your heart, and balance your body.  You are not alone.

That is where healing and confidence begin.

Blog Posts Personal Growth
Featured

I Stopped Making New Year’s Resolutions.

I have never liked New Year’s resolutions.

I’ve tried. I’ve watched others swear by them. And still, something about them has never sat well with me.

January 1 has always felt less like a fresh start and more like a scoreboard being reset. As if the clock strikes midnight and suddenly there is an unspoken expectation to do better, be better, and try harder. As if who you were on December 31st is no longer quite enough.

What rises up in me is pressure first. Then anxiety. Because right behind the excitement of a “new year” comes the quiet fear of failure. The sense that if I do not change fast enough or visibly enough, I have somehow missed the point.

The part that troubles me most is not the desire to grow. Growth matters to me. What doesn’t sit right is the expectation that change should happen simply because a calendar tells us it’s time. There is rarely reflection in that moment. Little curiosity about who we are now. Almost no space to ask who we are becoming. And without that, the whole thing can feel less like intention and more like obligation.

Why resolutions so often fall apart

Most New Year’s resolutions fail for a simple reason. They are made without a reason.

We decide what we should do before we understand why we want to do it. We commit to habits, goals, or identities that sound good, look responsible, or seem expected, without checking whether they actually fit our life, our season, or our values.

It’s a bit like buying a beautiful planner in January. The pages are crisp. The intention is sincere. A few weeks in, the planner sits unused. Not because we are lazy or undisciplined, but because the structure was never designed around the life we are actually living.

When there is no clear why, motivation fades quickly. When we don’t understand what we are moving toward.  Every setback feels personal. The failure isn’t the resolution itself. It’s that we skipped the part where we get to know ourselves first.

For me, that was the beginning of a different way of approaching change.

When I chose to do it differently

This shift didn’t come from a desire to be different or to reject tradition. It came from a season of deep change in my life.

After my divorce was finalized, and after my mom and a dear friend passed into glory, life felt quieter in a way that couldn’t be ignored. For many years before that, my focus had been on taking care of other people. I did what was needed. I did what was asked. I showed up. I kept going. There wasn’t much space left for asking what I wanted or who I was becoming.

When those chapters closed, I found myself with something I hadn’t had in a long time, time to think.

Not time to fix myself. Time to reflect.

I realized that I didn’t want to make changes because I was supposed to. I wanted to understand who I was now. The woman standing here was not the same woman who had lived through those earlier seasons. Any meaningful change had to begin with knowing her, not correcting her.

That’s when I stopped trying to start over. I began looking for a way to stay connected to myself as the year unfolded.

Choosing one word

Instead of making a list of resolutions, I began choosing one word to guide me through the year after I read a Facebook post.

I choose my one word carefully. Not quickly. I choose my word intentionally.

It usually comes after some quiet reflection, after I’ve had time to look at my life honestly and ask myself what I need more of, not what I should want, but what would actually support me.

Once I choose the word, I write it down and post it on the wall near my desk. That’s where I see it every day.

It’s not on my bathroom mirror. I don’t like clutter in the bathroom. I can tolerate clutter at my desk.

That word becomes a quiet companion. It stays front of mind simply because it’s there. I glance at it often, sometimes without even realizing I’m doing it. Does it guide every decision I make? No. I’m human. Life happens.

But it does remind me of what matters to me. It reminds me of what I set out to honor at the beginning of the year. And most importantly, it reminds me that I am important in my own life.

Last year’s word: Balance

Last year, the word I chose was balance.

I had been working a lot. More than I realized at first. Often at the expense of time with family and friends. Balance wasn’t about doing less; it was about paying attention. It asked me to notice where my energy was going and whether that matched what mattered most to me.

Balance asked me to say no to some things I used to attend simply because I felt I should. Events that didn’t truly interest me. Invitations that came from expectation rather than desire. I learned that I could say no, or suggest another day, without needing to justify myself.

It also gave me permission to say yes in new ways.

I realized how much I love learning. During the COVID years, that mostly happened at home.

Last year, balance invited me back out into the world. Public lectures. Book signings. Astronomy talks. Science events. Festivals I had never been to before. Big screen music events. I gave myself permission to indulge my curious, slightly nerdy side. Sometimes I went with friends. Sometimes I went by myself. Going by myself was an eye-opening experience.

What I learned is this, I didn’t achieve balance. I practiced returning to it.

Each choice became a small check-in. Not perfect. Not rigid. Just honest. And over time, that practice began to feel steadier.

Balance as an ongoing conversation

Balance didn’t end with one word on the wall. It became an ongoing conversation with me.

I subscribe to a number of newsletters that keep me informed about what’s happening in my region; public lectures, cultural events, author talks, and things that spark my curiosity. They don’t take long to read, but they offer a lot of choice.

As I look at an event, I pause and ask myself a few simple questions. Does this fit into my calendar? What’s happening in my life before and after it? Am I genuinely interested in this topic? Can I afford to go? Do I want to go alone or with a friend?

Then I get to decide.

Almost every time, my first thought is still, I’ll just stay home. Staying home is familiar. It’s easy. It doesn’t ask anything of me.

And then I remember why I chose balance in the first place. I remember that I wanted more connection, more learning, more life. I remind myself that possibility rarely knocks loudly.

Sometimes it whispers.

Showing up like this isn’t always pretty or polished. Sometimes, choosing possibility simply means being willing to be seen, awkward moments and all.

When possibility includes embarrassment

One evening, I decided to attend a movie screening hosted by the Perimeter Institute at a local theatre. It was one of those events I might have talked myself out of in the past, but balance nudged me to go.

The screening itself was wonderful. The discussion afterward, however, went on and on. I had planned to stop by my son’s home later that evening, and eventually I decided to leave before the event was officially over.

As I exited the auditorium, I missed the last step.

I fell flat on my face.

I wasn’t hurt, thankfully. Just completely embarrassed. There I was, making my quiet exit, and suddenly I was the moment everyone noticed.

Nice exit, Rose!

I share this not because it was graceful or inspiring, but because it was real. I still showed up. I still chose possibility. And even when it didn’t look the way I imagined, it counted.

Where I am now

Right now, I’m in the reflection phase of choosing my word for the coming year.

I give myself time to look back before I look ahead. I review my calendar, not to judge how productive I was, but to notice what filled my days and how those days felt. I also spend time with my joy moments journal, letting myself remember the small, ordinary things that brought light into my life.

I don’t rush this part. I don’t force a word to appear. I trust that it will come.

Reflection has become a way of honoring my life as it is, not just as I imagine it could be. It helps me recognize what supported me, what stretched me, and what I might want to carry forward.

When the word arrives, it won’t be because I chased it down. It will be because I was listening.

An invitation, if it fits

This way of approaching the year may not be for everyone. Some people thrive on lists and clear goals. But for those who feel weighed down by expectation or quietly resistant to doing what everyone else seems to be doing, there is another option.

Choosing one word is not about narrowing your life. It’s about creating a touchstone. Something you can return to when decisions feel noisy or when it’s easy to forget yourself in the middle of everything else.

And if choosing a word for a whole year feels like too much, it doesn’t have to be that big. A word for the next month. Or even the next week. A small window of time where attention replaces pressure.

What matters is not the word itself, but the relationship that slowly forms around it. A way of listening inward instead of reaching outward for direction.

A quieter way forward

There is something comforting about not having to reinvent yourself at the start of a new year. About recognizing that you don’t need a dramatic reset to grow, only a willingness to stay connected to yourself as life unfolds.

For me, choosing one word has become a way of walking alongside my own life rather than trying to outrun it.

It doesn’t demand perfection. It doesn’t erase who I’ve been. It simply offers a steady reminder of what I want to honor as I grow.

However this season finds you, it’s enough to begin where you are. With curiosity. With kindness. With a little openness to what might be possible.

Happy New Year Sparkler

Emotions Navigating Life Changes
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Joy, Joy, Unending Joy

Joy, Joy, Joy, unending Joy.

In this season, we hear a lot about joy.  It is in the Christmas songs on playlists, Joy to the World rings out as we negotiate a parking space at the mall.  We see the word lit up in lights among the decorations.  We are reminded to be joyful by advertisements for alcohol, diamond jewellery, or perfumes.  But what is Joy?   

Joy supersedes happiness. Happiness is an emotion that can come or go depending on the circumstances surrounding us.  It is a good, positive emotion that makes us, well, happy.  Joy is deeper, more profound.  Joy is a state of being. Joy holds a higher resonance.  It embraces a deep delight, gladness, a sense of well-being, a sense of spiritual wellness. Joy is like a deep well that sustains us even in times of trial or drought.  Happiness may happen to us.  Joy is within us.   Jesus tells us to “Ask, and you will receive so that your joy will be complete” JN16.24

Joy can be described as bubbling up, like an eternal spring that exists within our hearts.

 I did a quick survey before I wrote this article, and asked people. “What brings you joy?”

These are the answers that I received from different people.  Interestingly, many people gave the same answers.

Playing with my grand children, watching children play, listening to children speak or sing.

Listening to music, singing, dancing.  Music lifts our mood. Singing a song out loud, really loud. Playing the piano. Playing my drums. Dancing in the kitchen while I make dinner.

Playing with or watching my dog.  Petting our cat.

Holding my new baby.

Playing a game with others.  Spending time with my friends.  Having a deep heart-felt conversation. Getting something accomplished, especially if I had been putting it off.

Sewing. Throwing clay to make pots or mugs. Swimming in the sea.  Painting.

Baking a pie, cake, or cookies, and chocolates and gifting them to my friends and family.

The smell of orange, or cinnamon…invokes a memory of baking with my Mom.

Walking in the snow. Walking on the beach.  Watching and listening to the birds outside.

Just being with my loved ones.  Smiling at people.  Saying Thank you.  Listening to my spouse.  Surprising my child with a gift or an outing.

Read the list again and see what you notice.  Most of the joy moments came from being with others, doing for others, or being in nature or feeling close to God.   Not one person I interviewed said their joy came from a diamond necklace or a new car or a bottle of Scotch.  

The other element I noticed was that so many found joy in giving to others.  One person volunteers every year with a charity that provides meals and gifts for people. She said it was the highlight of her Christmas season.  Joy comes from a sense of purpose, rooted in relationship with self, God and others.  That is what Jesus was talking about. 

There used to be a slogan for the Red Cross, saying ‘Blood, it’s in you to Give”.   Isn’t it true that joy is also in us to give.  In fact the more we give of it, the more we get back.   Remembering that joy is deeper than a passing emotion, it is an essential part of you.  It exists within you.  It is not something to be strived for, it is already there. As you become attuned to resonance of joy, you will see and feel and choose it.

Take some time today or over the next few weeks and uncover, experience and elevate your joy. 

Sometimes, I dare say, even often, our joy gets covered over. We may perceive that we are too busy, too stressed, to oppressed, to obsessed, to distracted, too confused, too abused, too sad or lonely to uncover and hold our joy.  Those are lies. The truth is your joy never leaves you. It waits patiently for you to remember and come back to it.  Your spirit holds it there like a candle lighting your way in the darkness.  Joy, Joy, unceasing Joy.

Come in from the cold. Come to the light that waits for you. Pause, breathe.

Remember how loved you are.  You are love. Created in the image of love. The eternal love that is never extinguished.  Your spirit knows. Rest. Ask and receive.    

May joy be with you, within you, and through you.  May you sing out loud and let joy fill you with that glorious, magnificent resonance.  May the soft stillness of snow falling, or of a sunrise bring a smile to your face and a glow to your being.  May peace, joy and love live within you. May your joy increase, and your wonder never cease. May God blessings surround and sustain you.

Healing Practices Navigating Life Changes
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If Guilt and Shame Have Been Constant Companions, There Is a Softer Way Forward

If you joined us for this week’s Wisdom Wednesday inside the Wounded Women Rising Facebook group, you already know we went deep into guilt and shame. The kind of deep that makes you pause halfway through the video, stare at the wall, and whisper, “Oh… wow. That’s me.”

And if you’re reading this now, chances are something clicked for you.
A memory.
A pattern.
A familiar knot in your stomach.
A sentence you’ve said a hundred times like, “I know it wasn’t my fault…but I still feel responsible.”

Here’s what I want you to hear right out of the gate:

Awareness is not where the journey ends.
It’s where your power finally begins.

So now that you’ve identified the guilt and shame loop in your life, now that you’ve seen how it operates, where it hides, and how it shows up the next question becomes:

Now what?
How do you actually break free from a pattern you’ve lived with for years… sometimes decades?

Let’s walk through this together, like two friends sitting with warm mugs and honest hearts.

Step 1: Name the Pattern Every Time It Shows Up

This sounds almost too simple but trust me naming the pattern is the beginning of mastery.

The next time you feel guilt wash over you because you said no…
or you didn’t respond fast enough…
or someone else felt disappointed…

pause and ask yourself:

“Is this guilt…or is this conditioning?”

That question alone disrupts the automatic spiral.

You’re teaching your brain:


“We don’t respond on autopilot anymore.”

Here’s what naming it might sound like:

“Ah, this is that old guilt story again.”

“I feel responsible for their emotions, but that’s not mine to carry.”

“This shame isn’t truth, it’s programming.”

You’re not trying to fix anything yet.
You’re simply turning the light on in the room.

Shame thrives in silence.
Guilt thrives in old habits.
Neither survives well in the light of awareness.

Step 2: Interrupt the Loop Before It Takes the Wheel

Once you recognize the pattern, the second step is to interrupt it. Think of this like putting a wedge in a door you’ve decided not to walk through anymore.

Here are a few quick, powerful ways to break the loop in real time:

1. Slow the moment down

Take one slow breath.
Put your hand on your heart.
Give yourself five seconds of choice instead of an immediate reaction.

2. Ask a disrupting question

Try any of these:

“What would I choose here if I wasn’t afraid of being judged?”

“What would I do if guilt wasn’t in the room?”

“What actually belongs to me…and what doesn’t?”

Patterns crack open when you interrupt them before they run the show.

3. Physically shift your body

This might sound strange but trust me – it works.

Stand up.
Move your shoulders.
Change rooms.
Walk for a moment.

Do a little dance??

Interrupting the physical state interrupts the emotional pattern.

Step 3: Choose a New Response. Even if It Feels Uncomfortable

This is the part that makes women say:

“But what if someone gets upset?”
“But what if they think I’m selfish?”
“But what if I’m wrong?”

Deep breath, love.

Growth is uncomfortable.
Choosing differently is uncomfortable.
Letting go of guilt is definitely uncomfortable.

But discomfort is not danger.
It’s simply unfamiliar.

Here’s a truth you may not have been told:

Choosing yourself will feel wrong before it feels right.

Not because it is wrong but because guilt taught you to believe that your needs were optional.

Your “new responses” might feel awkward at first, like:

Saying “No, I can’t do that today.”

Not explaining yourself.

Not apologizing for resting.

Not rushing to fix someone else’s emotional storm.

Ending a conversation that is draining you.

These aren’t selfish choices.
These are self-respecting choices.

Your nervous system will catch up.
Your sense of self will strengthen.
Your confidence will rise.

But it starts with choosing differently in small, consistent moments.

Step 4: Reclaim Your Inner Voice (The One That Shame Silenced)

Let’s be honest. Guilt and shame have a way of drowning out our inner voice.

They whisper things like:

“You should’ve known better.”
“You’re the problem.”
“You need to make up for it.”
“You have to prove you’re good.”

But here’s the question I want you to ask yourself tonight:

“What is the truth I have been too afraid to say out loud?”

Sometimes the truth sounds like:

“I did the best I could.”
“I didn’t deserve what happened.”
“I’m allowed to make choices that protect my peace.”
“I don’t have to carry that anymore.”

Your voice is still in there.
You’re not finding it. You’re remembering it.

And every time you speak from that place, you weaken the shame story.

Step 5: Build New Emotional Pathways (This Is Where Freedom Begins)

Breaking a pattern is not just about stopping something.

It’s about creating something new:

  • new boundaries
  • new thoughts
  • new beliefs
  • new ways of responding
  • new self-trust
  • new emotional safety

Here’s a beautiful truth:

Your brain literally rewires through repetition.

Every time you choose not to apologize for something you didn’t do…
Every time you don’t explain yourself in circles…
Every time you choose rest instead of running…
Every time you let someone be disappointed without rescuing them…

You are building a new identity:

A woman who trusts herself.
A woman who listens to her inner knowing.
A woman who chooses her peace.
A woman who doesn’t shrink to make others comfortable.
A woman who steps out of shame and into her strength.

This is how confidence grows.
One choice at a time.

Step 6: Surround Yourself With People Who Reflect Your Strength, Not Your Guilt

You know this as well as I do:

Healing in isolation is slow.
Healing in community is powerful.

When you surround yourself with other women who are also breaking cycles, choosing themselves, and speaking truth, something shifts inside you:

You realize you’re not dramatic.
You’re not “too much.”
You’re not wrong.
You’re not selfish.

You’re just done shrinking.

If you’re not already in our Wounded Women Rising Facebook group, this is your invitation to step into a circle of women who get it. Women who will encourage you while you rewrite your story.

No one heals guilt and shame alone.
We heal in places where our voices are welcomed, not questioned.

Step 7: Let This Week Be a Starting Point. Not the Whole Story

You’ve spent this week learning what guilt and shame look like.
You’ve seen how they show up in your body and emotions.
You’ve seen how they distort your sense of responsibility.
And you’ve seen how they can keep you stuck.

But here’s the truth that matters most:

Guilt and shame are not your identity.
They are leftover survival strategies and you are no longer surviving.
You are rebuilding.

And rebuilding takes courage.


Courage to see the pattern.
Courage to step out of it.
Courage to choose yourself even when it’s unfamiliar.
Courage to walk into a new chapter with shaky legs and a steady heart.

You’re doing that.
Right now.
By reading this.
By questioning old stories.
By daring to imagine something different.

I’m proud of you.
More than you know.

A final thought, from my heart to yours

Breaking free from guilt and shame won’t happen in one weekend.
It won’t happen because you watched one video or read one blog post.
It happens slowly, gently, consistently.

You break free every time you choose yourself.

And hear this clearly:

You are worthy of peace.
You are worthy of rest.
You are worthy of boundaries.
You are worthy of joy.
You are worthy of your own voice.
And you are worthy of a life that feels like it belongs to you.

This week might have stirred a lot for you.
Let this blog post be the permission slip you’ve needed.

You don’t have to live inside guilt and shame anymore.
You get to walk out of that pattern one brave choice at a time.

I’m right here with you.

Blog Posts Navigating Life Changes
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Boundaries – Protecting your Peace, Reclaiming your Power

A good fence makes great neighbours.

A boundary is an invisible fence that holds our values, security, insights, ideas, time.  The walls and doors of your house, keep your body and possessions safe. It prevents your stuff from spilling all over your yard. In the same way, your boundaries protect your mental health, your physical health and your emotional wellbeing. 

Why do you need boundaries? 

You need boundaries so you have control over what happens in your space.  Just like property lines. I can plant flowers or vegetables on my property but I can’t plant them in my neighbour’s yard, especially when they want a yard of manicured green grass. Your boundaries give you control over your space.  When someone trespasses on your space without your permission, it causes you pain.  And vice versa.  You control your space and take responsibility for that space. Your internal space is your thoughts, your talents, your emotions, your habits, your intuition, your spirit, your desires, your goals and dreams.  Each of these have a light side and a dark side to them.  It is important to take responsibility for all it, the light, and the dark.  Only you can control you.  Remember though, you can ask for help when you need it. You can offer help to another person.  They get to choose if they can help or if they want your help.  We cannot thrive in isolation. Often after a traumatic event, people withdraw and go inward, closing off their hearts, sitting in the dark, not wanting to trust or be with others.  I understand this response.  This can be a starting point. 

We are created for community.  You do, however get to choose the community.  A community that aligns with your values, and that values you. A boundary is not a wall that keeps others out. It is more like a fence, or a cell membrane, or a riverbank. It is permeable with you as the gate keeper. You get to decide who or what comes in, and who or what is not allowed in.  What would you like to have in your space?  What you value is worth protecting.  Your peace of mind is priceless. Your talents and gifts unique to you are needed in the world.  Give yourself permission to say yes to what aligns with you, and no to what does not. It is not selfish. It is self-respect.  When we start to respect ourselves, others will too.  If someone consistently disrespects, oversteps and ignores your boundaries, it is time to limit or end your relationship with this person. 

Here is a visual for you.  The hula hoop analogy. Imagine you have a hula hoop around you. You are holding it in place with your hands.  You can easily move within the hula hoop.  You can move your legs and travel with the hula hoop.  If others have their hula hoops in place, everyone can participate in the dance, with ease of space. Not banging into each other. Each having the freedom to function within their hoop.  Imagine now that your hula hoop is held by another person. It impedes your ability to move freely. If someone puts their hula hoop over you, without your permission or consent, it stops you from moving freely.  It is constricting and uncomfortable, especially if it continues for an extended period.  The hula hoops represent our boundaries.  We can tolerate letting someone influence us if it is for the common good, and usually for a set period, knowing there is a common goal to achieve.  If the time exceeds our expectations or if the goal is constantly changing, having our boundaries trampled on, leads to resentment. Boundaries are essential for well-being.

Being nice can often negate our boundaries.  I want people to like me therefore I may do things that may not be good for me in order to please them. I over give or let someone take advantage of my niceness.  Perhaps you over give your time or your talent, or don’t charge the going rate for your work.  Depleting yourself will eventually affect your physical and mental wellbeing and your wallet too.

Signs of Poor Boundaries.

There are specific symptoms that go along with struggling from poor boundaries.  Here is a list of some symptoms and the corresponding boundary issue.

Here are 5 health symptoms tied to weak or violated boundaries:

SymptomWhat It Means
Chronic Stress & AnxietyYour nervous system is overloaded from people-pleasing or overcommitting
Burnout & ExhaustionYou’re carrying emotional weight that isn’t yours
Resentment & IrritabilityYou say “yes” when you want to say “no”
Tension, Headaches, InsomniaThe body stores unspoken emotions
Low Self-Worth or Self-DoubtYou feel guilty for having needs

Many women think something is wrong with them, but truly, they are simply overextended, overwhelmed, and emotionally unprotected.

Boundaries extend to many parts of our lives.

Here’s 5 areas that you might consider reviewing.

Physical BoundariesYou choose how, when, and with whom you share physical space or touch.
Emotional Boundaries“I’m not available for conversations that are disrespectful.”
Time Boundaries“I can help, but I only have 30 minutes.”
Energetic BoundariesLimiting time with people who drain or criticize you.  Have you ever felt deep exhaustion after being with certain people? This needs a boundary.  Perhaps a quick phone call and not an in-person visit is warranted. Set a timer and end the call with a polite “I will let you go now, Have a great day.”
Digital Boundaries You don’t have to answer every message immediately. Posts that upset you, delete. Set a time limit to how long you will be on social media.  Don’t scroll before bedtime, it interferes with our ability to fall and stay asleep.

Here are some phrases you can use to help you establish and maintain your boundaries. You can be polite, but firm.

 Healthy boundaries sound like:

  • “No, I’m not able to do that today.”
  • “I need time to think before I commit.”
  • “I will not be spoken to that way.”
  • “That doesn’t feel right for me.”

Saying no is not selfish. It is a form of self-respect.
Remember: people who benefit from your lack of boundaries will be the ones who resist them most. There are those people who will not honour your boundaries. For your own health, you must separate yourself from them.

Here is an Example of a Healthy Boundary: “I won’t be available to talk after 9 PM. That’s my time to rest and recharge.”

This boundary is healthy because:

  • It clearly communicates a limit.
  • It takes responsibility for personal needs.
  • It is respectful, firm, and guilt-free.
  • It protects emotional and physical well-being.

   Each person needs their privacy, their own space to collect their thoughts, and to have a clean, quiet space.

Your boundaries and your values are woven together.  If you have a value of generosity, you may delight in assisting others, financially, with your time, or your talent.  Remember that even in giving, you need to receive. You also need discernment, so your generosity is not taken for granted. You do not want to feel pressured that you must give, even when you cannot.  This is your boundary. 

In nature, even the individual cells of our body have a boundary. It is the cell membrane on every cell in our body.   It protects our energy and our ability to renew it.  Our cell membrane lets nutrients in and removes waste. It also communicates with the other cells. If you believe you cannot set boundaries, remember that you have billions of them within you.   Draw strength from that creative source within you.   If you want some help with building your boundary fence, please reach out to Rose and I.  We have the tools to help you design and build your own uniquely landscaped soul space, with fences, and gates.

May your needs be honoured. May your peace be protected. And may you choose what is right and respectful for you.   

This poem came to me as I was walking along the river, contemplating this post.

The River.

The river hugs its riverbanks,

it holds them to the left and right.

The banks keep river in her flow

as she confidently knows where to go.

While rocks cause ripples, and speeds increase,

her riverbanks help keep the peace.

River knows her water stays intact,

she travels along without looking back.

Bubbling joyfully as she goes along

the birds sing with her, when her current is strong.

This river can meander at will, cause her riverbanks won’t overspill.

They give her the strength to know who she is, so she can give life to

all she encounters.

River hugs her riverbanks,

and thrives inside them with great Thanks.

Blog Posts Navigating Life Changes
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When Healing Comes First: How Emotional Recovery Creates Real Financial Stability

I’m Brittany Blake, a previous psychotherapist turned financial broker. I want to start with something that might surprise you, control doesn’t come from having perfect budgets. It comes from healing what’s happening inside of you.

For years, we’ve been told the opposite: that if we just learn how to manage our money, track every dollar, and build the “right” plan, then we’ll finally feel safe and secure. But after working with people who are rebuilding their lives after trauma, and walking through my own seasons of rebuilding, I’ve come to see it differently.

True stability doesn’t start with spreadsheets and budgeting. It starts with healing.

When life has fallen apart

I’ll never forget a woman I met early in my career, let’s call her Maya.

She came to me with years of financial abuse behind her. Every dollar had been controlled. She wasn’t allowed access to accounts, and her partner used money to silence her. She wanted to “get it together,” to fix her finances, to start over. But underneath, she was just trying to feel safe again.

In our first meeting, she said, “I don’t even know what safety feels like anymore.”

And that right there, that’s where rebuilding truly begins.

When you’ve lived through trauma, whether that’s emotional abuse, financial control, loss, or betrayal, your nervous system learns to live on high alert. You can have the best plan in the world, but if your body still feels unsafe, it’s nearly impossible to stick to it.

The story we’ve been sold is fix the money, then you’ll heal

So many financial programs focus on control, on the “doing.”

Budget better. Save more. Hustle harder. Doesn’t sound too empowering does it?

But this doesn’t work for people who are rebuilding after trauma. Because what’s underneath the spending patterns, the debt, the avoidance, or even the over-control isn’t laziness, it’s pain and survival mode.

In fact, research backs this up. Studies in Canada show that women who’ve experienced financial or emotional abuse are far more likely to struggle with decision-making and trust when

it comes to money. Around 50% of women in shelter settings have faced financial abuse their partners restricted access, hid assets, or used money as a tool of control.

And the aftermath doesn’t end when the relationship does. Survivors carry deep emotional scars, fear of conflict, fear of asking for help, fear of making “wrong” decisions. (WomanACT, 2020)

So when you try to “fix the money” before healing the fear and shame behind it, the old patterns tend to return. Because it’s not a math problem, it’s an emotional one.

The shift: when healing is your foundation

I’ve spent years in the financial sector, and before that, I worked as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. And over and over again, I’ve seen this truth: when a person begins to heal emotionally, their entire relationship with money changes.

Here’s what that looks like:

1. You start to feel safe in your own body again

Until your body feels safe, numbers will always feel threatening. That’s just how trauma works. Healing might start with grounding, journaling, therapy, or breathwork, not because those

things fix your finances directly, but because they help you come back to yourself.

2. You begin to understand your money story

We all carry old stories about money, things we were told as children or learned through painful experiences.

“Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “People like us never get ahead.” “I’m just not good with money.”

Healing helps you notice those beliefs instead of being ruled by them.

3. You rebuild your sense of choice

Trauma can feel like it takes away choice. It tells you that control lives outside of you, like its in someone else’s hands.

Healing reminds you: you have power. You have the right to ask questions and to create your own financial life. The moment you start making small choices that align with your healed self, that’s when stability starts to grow.

Healing + action = real change

Here’s something I always emphasize: healing alone isn’t enough.

At some point, we need to take what’s happening internally and implement it in tangible ways, otherwise, we stay stuck in awareness without progress.

That’s where support comes in.

Having someone beside you who understands trauma and money, someone who doesn’t shame you for where you are, can make all the difference.

Because let’s be honest: it’s one thing to talk about “empowerment,” and it’s another to know what to actually do next. Whether it’s rebuilding credit, understanding your insurance, or learning where to be investing, you deserve support that’s compassionate, informed, and practical.

In my work as a financial professional, I’ve seen people transform not because they had the “perfect” plan, but because they had someone walking beside them, step by step. Together, we created small wins that built confidence, and that confidence became the foundation for bigger financial choices.

If you’re reading this and feeling unsure where to start, here are a few small ways to begin:

● Start with safety: Before you open your bank app or budget, take a deep breath. Feel your feet on the ground. Remind yourself that you are safe at this moment.

● Write your money story: What are your earliest memories of money? What emotions come up when you think about it? There’s power in simply noticing without judgment.

● Try micro-steps:

○ Save $5 a week in a “safety fund.”

○ Track one spending category for two weeks.

○ Say “no” to one financial obligation that doesn’t align with your values.

● Find accountability: Whether it’s a trusted friend, a coach, or a financial advisor, find someone who can hold you accountable with kindness — not criticism.

Remember, this isn’t about being perfect. It’s about learning to trust yourself again.

You are not behind. You are rebuilding.

If you’re in this season, please know: there’s nothing wrong with you. Financial instability after trauma is not a reflection of your worth — it’s a natural response to what you’ve lived through.

In fact, studies show that 71% of Canadian women report that financial stress is impacting their mental health. (Benefits Canada, 2024) You are not alone in this.

Healing your relationship with money isn’t about becoming someone else — it’s about remembering who you are, underneath the fear and scarcity.

My invitation to you is to Join The Wealthy Canadian Series

If this message resonates with you, if you’re ready to start healing emotionally and taking grounded steps toward financial stability. I want to personally invite you into The Wealthy Canadian Series, did I mention this is FREE

This isn’t a “budget bootcamp.” It’s a safe, supportive space created for Canadians to learn the basic financial strategies we should have been taught in school. You’ll gain tools, support, and strategies, but more importantly, you’ll rediscover your sense of choice.

You don’t have to do this alone. You deserve guidance that meets you where you are, with compassion, education, and hope.

If your heart is whispering “it’s time,” trust that. That’s your cue to take one small, brave step forward.

👉Join The Wealth Canadian Series: https://www.teamdld.com/TheWealthyCanadianChallenge

Healing is messy, nonlinear, and holy work. So is rebuilding your financial life. But I promise, every small act of healing you do creates ripples of stability that touch every area of your life.

You are not behind. You are becoming.

And when healing leads, money follows.

If you’d like to book a 1:1 with me please do so here: https://calendar.app.google/frBTLS21i2MG1qpo6

Navigating Life Changes
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Nourish Yourself

Nourish Yourself

How many times have we heard that to be healthy, all one needs is a good diet and exercise?   Diet is one of the most frequent search requests on Google. 

In a land of great abundance, and variety of food stuffs, how can it be that so many Canadians and Americans are struggling with metabolic syndromes?  Weight gain, diabetes, menopause belly, middle age spread, are key words used in media to sell the latest fad, or discovery or drug.  Recently I had a panel of bloodwork done as part of an annual screening.  As I looked around the clinic on this early morning , there were so many different people each searching for a healthy life.  I started to wonder why are the numbers so high?  Below are some interesting studies regarding North America and Canadian diets.

  • A study from 2019 by Chef’s Pencil found that Canada was the ninth most diet-obsessed country in the world, with keto being the most popular diet. 
  • Companies like Mintel conduct surveys to understand consumer attitudes and beliefs about diet and nutrition in Canada. Stats Canada published a yearly report this past March stating the cost of food has been a challenge for many.  Anyone who has been in a grocery store this year can attest to that.
  • 84% of Canadians believe that what they eat impacts their physical well-being. 
  • One in four Canadians have dietary restrictions or preferences, especially those under 34 who lean towards dairy-free, vegetarian, or vegan options. 

The food production industry has become more industrialized, globalized and consolidated. Massive corporations driven by increasing profits and technological advancements have created a decline in crop diversity, and soil regeneration, and have increased the amount of chemicals found in food.  Glyphosate use and pesticides-ready seed crops are known to cause damage to the human biome and interfere with our digestive system and the energy of the cells.  Ultra-processed foods contain no nutritional value.  [See Dr. Mark Hyman’s website for suggestions on eating to improve longevity and functional wellness.]  Dr James D, Adamo writes in his book “Eat Right for your Blood Type” of the correlation between our blood type and the exercise method and diet best suited for each person.  I have found this information to be valuable and effective.

From an early age we are told to eat our vegetables. Given the number of phytonutrients, vitamins and the source of fibre vegetables provide, this is good advice. There are so many to choose from, it is not hard to find a vegetable to suit every palate.  I look for organic fruits and vegetables. Local markets or small farmstands are good places to find quality foods, while supporting your neighbourhood farmers.  Greenhart Farms offers a farm-share program, delivering fresh picked, organic vegetables and fruits weekly, during the spring to fall seasons.   Look in your area for a similar program, as it supports farm families, while feeding your family quality foods.  

If we view food as the way to nourish our cells, and well-being, we will choose the foods providing for optimal performance.  Do an assessment of your cupboards and fridge. What foods support your nutrition goals and what items bring no value and cause your body to work hard to detoxify the chemical ingredients in them? Choose the foods that serve you best.

What if the secret to being energetic and vibrant isn’t what we put in our mouth, but what comes out of it?

Most people believe that food is the most important element for our energy level. It isn’t. The most essential need for human beings’ energy needs is breath.

Breath is the first essential need for human beings.  Water is the second essential need for human beings.  Only 3 percent of your energy needs come from food.

A person can live about 70 days without food, according to a McGill University Office for Science and Society article published on Jan 10th, 2025. So why are we so food obsessed? This article also states that humans cannot live longer than 5 days without water. Going without water, impairs the detoxification process and harms the kidneys. We know dehydration impacts brain function, even at low levels of dehydration. But few people can go longer than 3 minutes without air.  Breathing is essential to every cell.  The breath of life nourishes us. Most of us don’t give breathing a second thought until we have a stuffed-up nose.  It comes automatically. Focusing on your breathing is a proven way of calming the central nervous system.  As we increase the function of the lungs, heart and circulatory system, we improve our energy and mental functioning.  It is no wonder that most spiritual practices start with the breath.  Jesus tells us  “ I am the bread of life”  “ I am the breath of life”  How interesting is it that those are the two things that get centered out.

I encourage you to take a few minutes to sit quietly and breathe deeply.   Being quiet in nature is a great way to experience a renewal of energy.  In my garden is a plaque that reads, ““Kiss of the sun for pardon. Song of the birds for mirth. You’re closer to God’s heart in a garden than any place else on earth.”— Dorothy Frances Gurney

We nourish ourselves not only with food. We nourish ourselves with quiet stillness. We nourish ourselves with time spend with friends. Laughter delights our soul.  A good book may nourish your mind. Take a moment today and ask yourself  “What do I need to be nourished?”

 May you be nourished in mind, body and spirit.

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Alternative Isn’t Alternative

Why Women Over 40 Need Both Western Medicine and Complementary Therapies

Why We Still Call It “Alternative Medicine”

I’ve always found it curious that practices like acupuncture, naturopathy, meditation, energy healing, and nutrition are called alternative therapies. The word itself suggests something “less than,” or optional. But for me, these therapies aren’t alternatives at all. They are essential to my health, balance, and vitality.

The truth is that our modern medical system often focuses on symptom treatment rather than prevention. For women over 40, that approach leaves many of us feeling unseen, unheard, and exhausted. Hormonal shifts, stress, and identity changes are brushed aside as “normal.” But we deserve more than survival. We deserve to thrive.

That’s why I’ve learned to embrace integrative health using both mainstream medicine and complementary therapies to create a holistic path forward.

My Story: When “Normal” Wasn’t Normal

Years ago, I found myself utterly drained. I was raising teenagers, working full-time, and managing a seasonal side hustle that demanded long hours. My life was busy, but the real issue was that my body couldn’t keep up.

No matter how much I rested, I was lethargic. I napped just to make it through the day. Then came the scare. My blood pressure plummeted, and I ended up in the emergency room. The advice? “Rest, buy a blood pressure cuff, and see your doctor Monday.”

When I finally got in to see my doctor (which was not on the following Monday), he ran the usuals blood tests. The tests came back normal. But I knew in my gut that something wasn’t normal at all. The exhaustion persisted. I persisted! I kept going back to the doctor looking for answers. I learned that the squeaky wheel gets the grease!

Specialists followed. More tests, more waiting rooms, more shrugs. Finally, a diagnosis: gastroparesis, a “lazy stomach.” My doctor suggested using me in a study but offered no real solutions.

That was the moment I decided to explore “alternative medicine.”

Complementary Therapies Changed My Life

I sought out a naturopath. The experience was completely different. Instead of focusing only on test results, my naturopath looked at the whole picture: my diet, stress, energy levels, and lifestyle.

We discovered that much of the diet I’d been prescribed by a nutritionist was actually making me worse. I also had depleted adrenals. No wonder I was exhausted.

Through dietary changes and targeted supplements, my energy gradually returned. I also did a lot of research on my own seeking the information I needed to make changes that made a lasting difference.

For me, complementary therapies weren’t “extras.” They were lifesaving. They gave me stamina, balance, and the ability to live my life again.

Dr. Christiane Northrup and the Wisdom of Women’s Bodies

Dr. Christiane Northrup, an internationally recognized physician and author, has long spoken about the power of women listening to their bodies. She teaches that symptoms are messages. Whispers from our bodies asking us to slow down, listen, and rebalance.

Too often, women are dismissed.

Fatigue? Stress.

Mood swings? Hormones.

Anxiety? Just in your head.

But as Dr. Northrup emphasizes, women’s bodies carry immense wisdom. Our symptoms are not nuisances. They are signals pointing toward deeper needs.

By combining Western medicine with holistic healing, women can honor both science and intuition. We can use diagnostics and treatments when needed while also leaning on natural healing practices that restore vitality, reduce stress, and help us thrive.

Why Women Over 40 Need Integrative Health

For women over 40, health is never just physical. It’s emotional, spiritual, and deeply tied to identity. This stage of life often brings hormonal changes, empty-nest transitions, caregiving responsibilities, and questions of purpose.

Western medicine offers critical support, diagnostics, surgery, emergency care, and pharmaceutical treatment when necessary. But it doesn’t always nurture the whole woman.

That’s where complementary and alternative medicine comes in:

  • Naturopathy: Balances hormones, supports digestion, restores adrenal health.
  • Acupuncture: Reduces hot flashes, eases insomnia, relieves anxiety.
  • Energy healing (like Pure BioEnergy Healing Therapy): Supports emotional release, reduces stress, and helps restore balance to the body’s natural systems.
  • Yoga, meditation, and mindfulness: Foster calm, clarity, and resilience.
  • Nutrition and supplements: Provide foundational support for energy and long-term health.

Together, mainstream and complementary therapies create a partnership. One diagnoses and intervenes when necessary; the other prevents, restores, and nurtures.

Complementary Doesn’t Mean Optional

The idea that “alternative medicine” is optional is deeply flawed. In many cultures, holistic healing has been the foundation of wellness for centuries. Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, and indigenous practices are not fringe therapies. They are time-tested systems rooted in balance and prevention.

When we call them “alternative,” we risk minimizing their power. In truth, they are complementary; working alongside modern medicine to provide the full spectrum of care women need to thrive.

Pure BioEnergy Healing Therapy: A Gentle Path to Healing

One of the most profound complementary therapies I’ve experienced is Pure BioEnergy Healing Therapy. This form of energy healing works with the body’s natural biofield, helping to clear blocks, restore balance, and allow the body to do what it knows best: heal.

It’s non-invasive, gentle, and effective. Women who experience Pure BioEnergy often report reduced stress, improved sleep, emotional release, and a renewed sense of vitality.

For me, Pure BioEnergy has been a cornerstone of my wellness journey. It has helped me not just heal, but reconnect with myself, my body, mind, and spirit. I have had problems with my feet for eons. I participate in our monthly Pure BioEnergy Online Healing events. It didn’t take long and I noticed that I no longer had pain in my feet. I no longer wear orthotics in my shoes! Bonus!!

Invitation: Experience Pure BioEnergy Healing

If you’ve been feeling exhausted, stressed, or out of balance.  If you’ve wondered whether there’s more to healing than prescriptions and “managing symptoms” I warmly invite you to experience Pure BioEnergy Healing Therapy for yourself.

We are hosting a Pure BioEnergy Online Healing Event each month, at 7:30 pm EDT. This event is a chance to pause, receive, and allow your body to remember its natural ability to heal.

You don’t have to choose between Western medicine and complementary therapies. You can embrace both. You deserve both.

Thriving, Not Just Surviving

My story is not unique. Countless women over 40 are searching for answers beyond “you’re fine” or “it’s just stress.” We want to feel vibrant, strong, and whole.

By combining the best of Western medicine with holistic healing practices like naturopathy, acupuncture, meditation, and Pure BioEnergy Healing Therapy, we can create a path that honors both science and spirit.

As Dr. Northrup reminds us, our bodies are our allies. When we listen to their wisdom, healing becomes not just possible, it becomes inevitable.

So today, ask yourself: What is your body trying to tell you? What whispers are you ignoring?

Maybe it’s time to rest, to nourish yourself differently, or to explore complementary therapies that could help you thrive.

Because thriving isn’t about choosing one path over another. It’s about walking both, with courage, confidence, and trust in your body’s wisdom.

Are you ready to experience a new way of healing? Join us for the Pure BioEnergy Online Healing Event each month at 7:30 pm EDT and step into a space of calm, energy, and renewal. We meet each evening for 30 minutes. Your whole household can join in, even your pets.

Your body already holds the wisdom. This event will help you reconnect with it.

Register today. Don’t let another day go by where you don’t put yourself first.

Blog Posts Navigating Life Changes
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How Much is Too Much?

How much is too much?

Recently I had been tasked with the sorting and clearing of my Mother-In-Law’s apartment.  She had fallen and because of her failing health went from the hospital to a nursing home. It was challenging on many levels.  She no longer had the mental capacity to make decisions for herself.  Therefore, I along with my husband, her son, had to decide what to do with all the stuff.

As a woman who had placed a great value on her appearance, the incredible volume of clothing bore testament to that.  There were 5 closets, 4 dressers and one wardrobe packed full of fashion.

It was like a time capsule from the 1960’s to present day.   Most of her pieces were in excellent condition, some still with price tags on them.  Desired, purchased yet never worn.  Brigitte lived in a time when women would get dressed up to go out.  She wouldn’t see visitors, friends or family without having had her hair done.  A trip to the hairdresser was a weekly occurrence in her younger days.  She loved to sew. Her singer sewing machine in it’s hardwood desk cabinet still works.   There were some blazers and skirts in her closet, pinned but not yet completed.  Although she had not sewn in the last 2 decades. 

She dressed impeccably with the matching necklaces, earrings and broaches.  Shoes and purses matched or co-ordinated.  Belts from every age, hung like an art design, sparkling when the light hit them.    Brigitte had worked in retail and would recount the stories of how she would set aside a garment when the new season’s style came in, so she always had the current fashion.  Most of the clothing in her closets had not been worn in years, perhaps decades.  She had 26 pleated skirts, still in the drycleaner plastic coverings, some brand new. That was just the pleated skirts. There were kilts, pencil skirts, flowing maxis, so many culottes.  Glamorous dresses with sequins, I wish I could have seen her in those days.  

Eight years ago when she and my father-in-law moved from their house to the apartment. I remember asking if she wanted to donate some of her extra clothing.  A sharp No was her response.  She could not comprehend how I could possibly suggest such an outrageous thing!  These were her things.  I understand it.  Although most of the clothing in her closet hadn’t been worn since she was in her 40’s, it was the memory that she held on to so fiercely.  In holding so tight to the past, she did not allow much room for the present.    She wanted the past back.  She longed for it, to the point that it was almost the only topic of conversation that interested her. She also did not let go of any perceived slight or insult, never forgiving and often bringing up in conversation the day, so and so, did such and such.  As a Purebioenergy Healing Therapist, and a person who had spent the last 20 plus years learning about healing, I knew that holding onto the anger, grief, sadness and bitterness was hurting her body and her mind.

She valued her privacy and did not want people in her home.   She had cut herself off from the world, choosing not to go out, nor have anyone in.  My husband and I used to joke, we were her minions.  Just do what needs doing, and do not expect any gratitude or you will just set yourself up for disappointment.  I do feel empathy for her. A person gets to choose what matters in their life.

Brigitte used to like a hot coffee and kuchen, (German for cake) every afternoon.  I would bring her a coffee from Tim’s, and a slice of cake from the German bakery.  It had to be fresh.  She would be happy for a few minutes.  My father-in-law when he was alive baked cake every 3 days, so there was fresh cake always available.   Now she can only eat minced food, so I am glad she had enjoyed her cake for all those years. 

As I sorted, cleaned, cleared, boxed up and carefully folded the items to be donated or consigned.  I am hopeful that perhaps a women may receive or purchase one of the 26 pleated skirts for a job interview, or a graduation ceremony for herself or her child.  Perhaps that women will have a girl’s day out to a theatre and tea house with her friends.  These are beautiful skirts, some never worn with the original labels still on them, Made in Canada of Canadian wool.   As I did this labour of love, I found myself pondering “How much is too much?” 

Four sets of fancy china dishes, some never have been used, rarely for a family gathering, waiting for a special occasion.  There is a sadness to waiting for the right time to use the good dishes, that sit gathering dust in the china cabinet. All the crystal glasses – many now at my house, until I decide what to do with them.   Many have already been donated to The Retail Therapy Store.  How many are too many?

As a child my husband was not allowed to have friends over, less they made a mess of the house.  His mother valued a clean house, never allowed a pet, although she liked cats. My MIL’s identity was very much tied up in how she, her house, her car, had to be perfect in her eyes. She would get very upset if it wasn’t.   She had an image of perfection.  It is very difficult to hold up the illusion of perfection.  It is also challenging to live your life under the auspices of what will the neighbours think.  How can you be free to be yourself, when you are constantly worried you may do something inappropriate, not fully knowing what inappropriate is, yet knowing you will be judged harshly for it?  

The other observation I had as a cleared, cleaned, and dealt with all this stuff was my realization of how angry and resentful I was becoming.  This responsibility had been dumped on us, myself especially. Prior to my father-in-law’s death at age 86, they had years to declutter, downsize the excess, and clear out the stuff. He purposely left all of it for us to deal with and told us so.   Granted he had been ill in the last year and had been the caregiver for his wife for years.   Last summer, my husband and I cleared out the property my F.I.L owned. This is the second time, we are left cleaning up the mess.   How many women experience this is their lives:  Left with the responsibility of clearing messes not of their own making?  Left with the responsibility of cleaning up stuff that not even their stuff? I know a woman who left her home in BC, to come to KW to clear out her parent’s place, after they had died.  It took her a year and a half to deal with the Estate responsibilities.  How much is too much?

These past 18 months, since the death of my father-in-law have been too much. The last six months have taken a toll.   There is a cost to having to do this.  A cost of time, the time away from my own children and grandchild, the time away from my business, and my commitment to clients, my business partner and our creative offerings.  A cost to my relationship to my husband, I am thankful we can talk out all the angst this has caused.  He is exhausted.  We have not had a summer, as this has been all consuming.   All our weekends, and after his full time work hours have been spent clearing.  This is thankless work, and it is hard work. Mentally, making the decisions, booking appointments, dealing with financial institutions, hours on hold with Bell Canada for a simple cancellation.  Organizing years of photos, collections, shredding old paperwork. Physically, it is demanding, moving furniture, carrying heavy boxes, cleaning repeatedly, and lifting heavy, cumbersome items.  Then addressing the emotional side as, one processes all the emotions that arise as you do it.    There is a cost to my health, and my husband’s health.  Thank God for PureBioenergy Healing Therapy.  We will take time to reset, refresh and renew ourselves.  My heart can empathize with the many caregivers who struggle looking after aging parents.

The moral of this story is take responsibility for your stuff – your physical stuff, your emotional stuff, your financial stuff.  Do it Now.  It is not an act of love to make your children bear the burden of you not taking responsibility and addressing that which needs to be done.  Let’s Clean up our act.   There are many ways in which less is more.

I am going through my own closet, as I do once or twice a year, asking myself what no longer fits my lifestyle?   Don’t let your stuff clutter up your space, your mind and your being.  Release it, let it go.   A few minutes a week, to sort the receipts, the accounts, and payments builds your confidence.  It feels empowering to know where your funds are going, and to see your savings growing.  A clean, organized home creates a calm, peaceful environment contributing to our well-being.

A poem by Judy

Life’s Journey

As you go along this journey of life,

Take a photo and travel light.

Keep the happy memory, release with Love, the sad.

You will find then, even the darkest days are not so bad.

Recount the laughter, the fun times, the Cheer

Let the irritations and disagreements disappear.

Keep your friendships current,

Keep your backpack light,

So you are always ready,

In a moment’s notice to go

And join the next adventure

Sans burden your trek to slow.

The stuff you can release it,

It only holds you back

And when it comes right down to it,

Its only faith we lack.

Spend your time with Loved ones

We all grow up too quick

Spend your coin on caring

Less the tax man takes his pick

Celebrate the moments,

Forgive and your will find,

This journey life provides for us

Is truly quite sublime. 

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The First Step to Change: Believing It’s Possible for You

She stood in front of the mirror, toothbrush still in hand, staring at the same woman who had gotten up every day, done the hard things, kept the peace, kept the schedule, kept herself small.

Maggie didn’t recognize herself anymore. Not really.

The lines around her eyes weren’t just age. They were tiredness. Worn edges. And something else she couldn’t name.

It wasn’t that her world had just suddenly fallen apart.

No, the unraveling had been slow; one broken promise at a time.

One more time she didn’t speak up.

One more birthday she planned for everyone else and no one remembered hers.

And now?

Now she stood at the edge. Not of a cliff exactly but of something she couldn’t see the bottom of.

Becoming herself. Finally.

But where would she even begin?

When the World Quietly Unravels

Maybe you see a bit of yourself in Maggie.

Maybe your “falling apart” wasn’t loud or dramatic. Maybe it was quiet, made of tiny betrayals; some from others, some from yourself, stacked up over years.

Maybe you’ve been functioning like a pro but feeling like a ghost.

If that’s you, I want you to hear this, gently but clearly:

It’s okay to not know where to start.

But it’s not okay to believe that you’re stuck forever.

Because you’re not.

No one talks about how heavy it is to even think about changing your life when you’re already exhausted from surviving it.

The Unseen Weight

You’ve probably said things to yourself like the following. And sadly, you’re not alone:

“I should be grateful…”
“It’s too late to change.”
“I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

These thoughts don’t make you weak. They make you human.

They are very common for women who’ve experienced trauma, especially the quiet, eroding kind that happens over time: emotional neglect, staying in the background, over-giving, never being seen.

So, if you’re overwhelmed and doubting your ability to change anything at all, it makes perfect sense.

After all, you’ve been doing your best just to survive.

That’s not a moral failure. That’s your nervous system doing its job.

But survival isn’t where your story ends.

A Whisper You Can Trust

There’s a sacred moment, a quiet one that shows up for every woman on the edge.

It doesn’t come with trumpets or fireworks.
It’s not dramatic.
It’s often just a whisper.

It sounds something like this:


“There has to be more than this.”

Not louder. Just clearer.

That whisper? In truth, that’s your deeper self—your knowing self.

That whisper? It’s your deeper self—the one who still believes in you. The woman who remembers what she loves is still inside. She’s just waiting for you to turn toward her again.

Not the tired one. Not the doubting one. But the knowing one. The woman who still exists under all the rubble. She’s still in there. She just needs you to come find her.

And I promise you; she’s worth the search.

The First Step Is Not What You Think

Let me lovingly bust a myth here:

The first step is not “having a plan.”

It’s not overhauling your whole life.
It’s not deciding overnight who you are or where you’re going.

The first step is simply choosing to believe that change is possible. Even if you don’t yet believe it for yourself.

Even if the belief is just a flicker.

Even if you’re still scared. Especially if you are.

What Courage Really Looks Like

When Judy and I talk about “courageous confidence,” we’re not talking about strutting into a new life with fireworks and lipstick and a five-point plan.

We’re talking about courage that looks like:

Getting out of bed and drinking water when you wanted to disappear.

Saying “no” to something you always said yes to, just to keep the peace.

Letting yourself want something again, even though you’ve been told you shouldn’t.

Courageous Confidence isn’t a personality trait.

It’s a muscle.
And we build it together.

This is exactly why we created the Courageous Confidence course—for women just like you. Not the ones who are already thriving and confident, but the ones on the edge—where you are right now. The ones who feel the whisper but don’t know what to do next.

You don’t have to do it alone. And you don’t have to figure everything out before you begin.

You’re Not the Only One

Let me tell you something we hear all the time in our women’s groups:

“I thought I was the only one who felt this way.”

But you’re not.

There are so many of us women who have given so much to everyone else for so long, we forgot what it meant to receive. To rest. To heal. To become again.

A Safe Place to Begin Again

That’s why we’re inviting you to join us for the Rooted Resilient Radiant Weekend Retreat September 12 to 14. It’s not a self-help seminar. It’s not a conference. It’s a gentle pause, a chance to step away from the noise, the “shoulds,” and the weight of pretending you’re okay.

It’s a space to be held, seen, and reminded of your wholeness.

And you don’t have to arrive already healed. You just have to arrive.

Saying Yes to Yourself Changes Everything

Here’s what happens when a woman — any woman — says,

“I’m willing to see what else is possible.”

She may not move mountains that day.

But she begins.

And that beginning? It changes everything.

In our Courageous Confidence to an Empowered Life 5 Day Journey, we walk with you through that beginning. We help you reconnect with the values that truly matter to you, shift the beliefs that are keeping you small, and choose what you want your life to look like now, not someday.

This isn’t fluff. It’s real work. But it’s heart-centered, woman-honoring, and completely do-able with support.

You don’t need to know what’s next. Instead, just stay curious about what’s possible.
What matters is that you feel something pulling you toward change.
And no, it’s not too late.

And if that’s you? You’re ready.

You Are Not Broken. You Are Becoming.

Please hear this:

You’re not too old.
Not too late.
Not too far gone.

You are becoming.

And yes, it’s scary. But it’s also beautiful. And Judy and I are hereto walk with you, to believe in you until your belief in yourself takes root.

Two Small Steps Toward Something Beautiful

Single sprouting seed

You don’t need to leap. Just step.

  1. Check out the Rooted Resilient Radiant Retreat happening this September. Even if it’s just to read the details and imagine yourself there. That spark? It matters.

  2. Book a Courageous Confidence Breakthrough Session. It’s a one-on-one chat with someone who’s been where you are. No pressure. No expectations. Just a loving conversation to explore what’s next for you.
    Book Here

If you’re not quite ready to reach out but want to keep exploring, that’s okay too. You might enjoy our reflection on the power of inner language—Watch What You Think—a reminder that your thoughts shape more than you know.

You’ve survived so much already.

You’ve survived so much already. Now, it’s time to build something new—not alone, but together.

Because you deserve a life that feels like yours again.
And it starts… exactly where you are.

If this post spoke to something deep in you, you’re not alone. We invite you to browse our Wounded Women Rising blog—each post is written with women like you in mind: tender-hearted, resilient, and on the edge of something new.

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Just One Thing

In this day of instant media, constant information, increased speed of life’s expectations, it is easy to see how one can experience a feeling of being overwhelmed.    The feeling of having too much to do, and no time to do it in.  The feeling that no matter what I do, it isn’t enough. Many women have so many responsibilities, it is a wonder they can relax at all.  Yet relaxation is essential to renewing our minds, and our bodies.  Not to mention our spirit which is where our energy resides.   Your intuition or inner knowing needs to have quiet or calm so you can hear it.   Today, let’s look at some ways that we can “Be Still…” and connect to our heart, so our minds and bodies can function better.

What are the symptoms/effects of over-thinking? 

Have you ever felt like your thoughts are running in circles, but you’re too drained to take a single step forward? One thought leads to the next To Do on the list, and at the same time you may feel guilt or irritation that you are not further towards your goal.  Let’s not make our goal our gaol. Let’s just pause, breathe for a minute.

Overwhelm and overthinking often creep in quietly, but their symptoms are unmistakable. For women healing from emotional trauma, it can feel like your inner world is on high alert—even when everything on the outside seems quiet.

You might notice it in these subtle but powerful ways:

Common Symptoms of Overwhelm & Overthinking

  • Procrastination: Not because you’re lazy, but because your mind is overloaded, and you don’t know where to begin. Procrastination is a double-edged sword. We know we need to do something, we think about it a lot. The thinking about it, creates an upset or irritation yet it doesn’t move us close to task. The deadline may be looming and our avoidance is in full bloom.  Being told “just get’er done” isn’t helpful. Be kind. If you are feeling this don’t criticize yourself. Acknowledge it.
  • Irritation & Mood Swings: Your patience wears thin, and small things feel massive. Some days I ask myself, Dang, Why do I feel so bitchy? 
  • Worry & Racing Thoughts: Your mind constantly replays scenarios or “what ifs”, even when you’re trying to rest.
  • Insomnia or Restless Sleep: You lie in bed tired but wired, unable to shut off the mental noise. Our friendly hormones can keep our mind caught in a loop.  Less sleep equals more irritability.
  • Apathy or Numbness: You feel stuck, unmotivated, or emotionally disconnected from your goals and dreams. Just feel like “MEH”.

These aren’t just inconveniences. They’re signals from your body and nervous system asking for attention, care, and recalibration.

So What Can You Do When You Feel Overwhelmed?

The healing journey doesn’t require perfection or doing everything at once. It simply begins with one small, grounded step.

Here are gentle but powerful remedies to help move you from frozen to focused:

1. Just Do One Thing

Start with one simple task. Make your bed. Send that email. Drink a glass of water. When your brain feels scattered, completing just one thing helps shift you from chaos to clarity. It reminds your nervous system: You’re capable. You’re moving forward.  Make “Just One Thing” your mantra.

2. Make a ‘Need-to-Do’ List

Write it out. Not just in your head. Getting your thoughts on paper stops the mental loop. You release the pressure to remember everything and can begin to prioritize what truly matters.

Writing it out also let’s us figure out what is in our control. Often we worry about other people’s reactions to us, spiking our stress levels when we let other’s expectations live in our minds.  Worry takes away our peace.  Choose to protect your peace.

3. Analyze & Delegate

Look at your list and ask:

  • What must I do because it aligns with my values or goals?
  • What can I delegate, delay, or even delete?

This isn’t about doing more, it’s about doing what’s meaningful and letting go of the rest.

4. Use Your Strengths to Build Confidence

What comes naturally to you? Organization, creativity, empathy, listening? Tap into your strengths first, they’ll energize you. Every time you act from your strengths, you build momentum, clarity, and self-trust.   We all have been given gifts. When we use our gifts, we feel good, confident and happy. Remember when you delegate something to someone, you let them use their gifts too.  You are doing a service to another person. That action brings you a boost of “feel good” dopamine.  Do good because it’s good for you.

5. Act:  Do the Thing.   The congratulate yourself for Doing the Thing!   When you complete a task, especially one you’ve been avoiding, your brain releases dopamine, often called the “feel-good” or “motivation” hormone. It’s a chemical reward that makes you feel a sense of pleasure, accomplishment, and momentum.

Even small actions, like crossing something off your to-do list or cleaning a drawer, give your brain a dopamine hit. This is why the “Just Do One Thing” strategy works so well, it kickstarts the reward system in your brain and shifts you out of freeze mode.

Why Dopamine Matters:

Dopamine isn’t just about pleasure. It’s part of your brain’s reward system, a system designed to reinforce positive behavior. When you take action and feel good afterward, your brain learns something very important:

“Taking action helps me feel better.”

Each time this happens, your brain builds a new neural pathway, what we call a positive feedback loop or even “success circuitry.”

It Looks Like This:

  • Cue: You feel overwhelmed
  • Action: You do one small thing
  • Reward: Dopamine makes you feel good
  • Reinforcement: Your brain says, “Let’s do that again.”

Over time, this rewires the default pattern of procrastination and freeze into a new one of confidence, momentum, and inner trust.

Where PureBioenergy Healing Comes In

When your nervous system is dysregulated from trauma or emotional exhaustion, even small tasks can feel impossible. That’s why PureBioenergy Healing Therapy is such a powerful ally.

By calming the mind, restoring energetic balance, and releasing stored emotional tension, it creates the inner stillness and spaciousness required for clarity and aligned action. You no longer feel hijacked by racing thoughts or paralyzed by fear, you feel centered, capable, and connected to your intuition.

How PureBioenergy Healing Therapy Helps

When you’re overwhelmed, your mind can become a torrential storm, tossing and tormenting you. PureBioenergy Healing Therapy offers a deeply calming space for your nervous system to reset.

Here’s what it does :

  • Calms the racing mind without requiring you to relive past trauma.
  • Creates deep relaxation in both body and mind, allowing restorative rest.
  • Enhances focus and clarity, helping you get out of “fog brain”.
  • Restores your energetic balance, so you feel lighter, grounded, and more present.
  • Connects you to your intuition, making decision-making clearer and more confident.
  • Decreases or stops Pain, so your body can rest, renew, and restore.
  • Improves Sleep: Sleep is essential for healing.

You Are Not Lazy. You Are Healing.

Overwhelm and overthinking are not flaws. They are protective responses from a nervous system that’s been through too much for too long.

The good news? You don’t have to stay in that stuck place.

With simple tools, supportive community, and powerful energy healing, you can find your way back to focus, flow, and peace.

Your Next Step:

If you’re feeling scattered or shut down right now, start small.

✔️ Just do one thing.
✔️ Make your list.
✔️ Ask for help.
✔️ Book a PureBioenergy Healing Therapy session.

Rose and I understand because we have lived it. I don’t just teach this, I live it.  Reach out if you have questions or just want an understanding listener.  We are here to serve. Do Just One thing today to bring you some peace, joy and happiness.

You deserve a life that feels clear, calm, and deeply connected to you.

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Your Body Speaks, Are you Listening?

The Body Speaks, are you listening to it?

There is a non-verbal language that is occurring continuously within us. 

Our nervous system, our many hormones, our intuition, interact as a symphony flowing, moving, shifting as one response creates another. Intermingling with each other, one raises the tempo, the next lowers the volume all so that the human being remains in harmony.

The conductor for this musical journey is the life source itself. 

Every cell in your body is capable of memory and consciousness. Dr. Bernie Seigel tells us,“ Your dreams, symbols, drawings and feelings tell us this and now so does science. Transplant patients can tell information about the individual whose donor organs are within them.  So please pay attention to the messages from your body and heal whatever may be hurting you. And be aware of the information you are giving your body.  Please don’t let your ability to think, overcome your ability to feel. “

Let’s look at some of the instruments in our orchestra.  Remembering the instruments themselves do not make the music. It is the Self, the person, the human being playing the instrument. It’s the frequency, the life source that creates the harmony.

As the majority of the Baby Boomers are coming into their mature years, the topic of hormones especially in para-menopausal and menopausal women are getting a lot of press.

Let’s take a moment to remember that women are working in careers now for longer than other time in history.   The external stresses on a person do affect the internal hormonal reactions.

Most of us know the major chords of Estrogen, Progesterone, Human Growth Hormone.  Today let’s talk about some of the minor chords, Cortisol, Leptin, Renin, adiponectin.

Let’s start with the endocrine system.   The adrenal glands are workhorses in the body.  Not only do the adrenals produce cortisol, and adrenaline, but they also make the hormones that turn into female hormones, estrogen and progesterone and male hormones like testosterone.   Women need testosterone as it plays a substantial role in libido. Libido isn’t just the desire to have sex; it is tied into your mental well-being. Your drive, your ambition is tied into your hormonal balance.

  The adrenal gland produces important chemicals like adrenaline.  Adrenaline gives a body the energy to act quickly.  Adrenaline draws on the fat storage for energy during stressful situations. It is usually burned off quickly once the danger has pasted. It quickens the pulse, stops digestion, shuts down the sex organs, because the body needs to respond to the danger immediately. Once the danger is over, the adrenaline decreases and systems go back to normal.

  The adrenal gland gets the signal to make the chemicals or hormone from the pituitary gland.   It tells the adrenal gland to produce adrenaline and cortisol as it has perceived danger. 

When the perceived danger, or a continuous stress does not decrease, the body releases high levels of cortisone.  Unrelenting stress, like worries about finances, a job you hate, toxic relationships where you feel you must put on a smile, and stuff your feelings. A chronic illness or generally feeling overwhelmed with your life can cause lasting damage. Women who have been through traumatic situations, may carry a higher cortisone level, if they have not had the opportunity to heal their emotional, and mental concerns.  This shows up in the body.

Cortisol is a powerful ally.  It helps maintain blood pressure, temperature, controls inflammation – is often given for pain reduction.  It is active when we exercise excessively, works with the sleep/wake cycle.  Emotional and physical upsets cause the brain to trigger to produce more cortisol.    But when cortisol is excessive.   It can cause havoc.  Cortisol draws on muscle tissue for fuel. Prolonged stress can lead to muscle wasting, and high blood sugar simply because your body is struggling to adapt.  Neuropeptide Y is another stress hormone that controls eating habits. When released it decreases metabolic rate. This causes more belly fat storage and fuels cravings for sugary foods and carbohydrates. 

Cortisol also decreases metabolic rate by interfering with thyroid hormones.

Both NPY and Cortisol boost abdominal fat storage.

Cortisol depletes serotonin, the happy hormone . Serotonin is created in the gut.  It’s decrease also creates carbohydrate cravings.

Cortisol can cause blood sugar imbalances, resulting in hypoglycemia. – shaking, irritability, fatigue and headaches between meals. (Hangry)

Cortisol causes a person to eat more than needed, by stimulating appetite-boosting NPY and blocking appetite supressing leptin.

Since cortisol saps testosterone, it can cause a languishing libido, and other serious health risks.

Excess cortisol leads to sleep disruption, which can lead to high blood pressure, mental and emotional issues, muscle fatigue, and lack of focus, and decreased mental capacity. Wounds take longer to heal, proprioception is impaired, struggling with balance and dizziness can occur.

How do you know if your cortisone is out of whack?  Dr. Natasha Turner offers a checklist in her book The Hormone Diet.   A saliva test will give you a hormone profile. It can tell if cortisol is too low in the morning, and too high at night. High cortisol at bedtime contributes to chronic insomnia.    IF cortisol is low all the time as shown in the saliva testing, it is one indicator of adrenal burnout. In fact, a saliva hormone test will give your estrogen, estradiol, progesterone, melatonin, testosterone, adrenal and cortisol profile.  I believe it is well worth it to have your hormones tested,  so you have a base line. Many Naturopathic doctors and Functional Medicine doctors recommend the test for peri-menopausal, menopausal women or  when younger women are struggling with fertility concerns.

“ To be lean, strong, vibrant, mentally focused, emotionally stable. We must control our cortisol.” Dr. Natasha Turner, author of The Hormone Diet.

So how to you do that?

Here a few immediate ways you can start.

  1. Do an assessment of your life and identify what it is that is stressing you.  This sounds easy. It may be the daily commute, it may be an external pressure, like deadlines or a difficult boss, or other person of significance in your life.  It maybe a belief system that was handed down, or put upon you, that no longer serves you, if it ever did.  Grief and other unprocessed emotions.
  2. Pause, Breathe.  Do an inhale to the count of 4, hold it for a count of 4, exhale for 4, then hold before the inhale for a count of 4.   Wim Hoff offers many youtube videos on breathwork.  Watch one, try it and see how you feel.
  3. Eat to fuel your body, not just to fill it. Healing foods are made by God. They are natural, close to source, full of enzymes, nutrients and vitamins and minerals and are not manufactured and highly processed.   Think fresh organic apples, dates, crisp colourful veggies, berries,  beans, grass fed beef or pasture-raised chicken and wild-caught fish.  
    Eat green veggies.  Add a greens drink to your day because the minerals you will get will help to calm the fire that stress creates.  Sea veggies have iodine which our thyroid needs. A quarter to a half a lemon, squeezed in hot boiled water every morning is a great cleanser for your liver. It provides Vit C and helps clears up skin blemishes. Try it. Drink instead of a caffeinated beverage.
  4. Eat nuts, and seeds.  Brazil nuts are high in selenium; almonds provide magnesium which does over 60 functions for the body.  Walnuts for the brain. Sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds are high in zinc, and sesame seeds are a good source of calcium.  Fresh ground Flax seeds are an excellent source of fibre and can sweep out excess estrogen. Soluble fibre with lots of water helps to detoxify the gut, adding a probiotic creates and intestinal microflora that allows the beneficial bacteria to thrive. Remember our serotonin comes from the gut.
  5. Dark chocolate has antioxidants, magnesium, and enzymes. Sugar free.  Choose organic cacao when you can.
  6. Detoxify your cosmetic bag.  Lead found in lipsticks, sodium lareate  sulfate , sodium benzoate found in face cleansers, shampoos, etc are all endocrine distruptors.  Choose organic, natural cleansers, make up – lots of choice available.  Essential oils are great ways to improve your wellness, and lower stress.  Only lavender and teatree can be used neat. All others must be diluted in a carrier oil, like jojoba oil, sweet almond oil,  evening primrose oil. Consult an aromatherapists for ratios.
  7. Avoid inflammatory foods, like fast food, high-fructose corn syrup, chemical laden process foods, low-fat , and sugar-free  labelled foods all contain chemicals that mess up hormones.
  8.  Enjoy a warm to hot Epsom salt bath before bed.  The increase in body temperature encourages detoxification. Epsom salt, which is magnesium sulfate, soothes muscles, promotes relaxation.  As the body cools, a lower body temperature assists with better sleep.
  9. PureBioenergy Healing Therapy will balance hormones, improve sleep, reduce stress levels and balance our immune system.  It brings harmony to the whole person on all levels.
  10.  Get fresh air and exercise. The sun is essential to our hormones.  Vitamin D is a pre-cursor to every hormone in the body.  Exercise with a friend. It’s fun and we keep each other accountable as it is hard to sleep in or put it off until tomorrow  when we  have someone waiting for us.  Plus they encourage us to do that one more rep or walk the extra kilometre.  Yes, You Can Do it.

Here is a recipe from Dr. Natasha :   Lovely Lentil Soup

2 TBSPs extra-virgin olive oil

1 sweet potato , peeled and diced

1 large onion, chopped

4 cloves garlic, minced

1 tablespoon curry powder

1 inch piece of fresh ginger root, peeled and minced

1 tsp of cinnamon

1 cup of dry red lentils

4 cups of vegetable stock

2 tablespoons of tomato paste

Heat olive oil in a large sauce pan over medium heat. Add the sweet potato, onion, garlic, and ginger. Cook til vegetables are softened.

Stir in the curry powder, cinnamon, sea salt and cook for a few more minutes.

Add the lentils, vegetable stock, and tomato paste and mix well. Bring to a gentle boil, reduce heat and simmer covered for 30 minutes or until lentils are cooked.

Remove from heat and serve.   Share with someone you care about.

As you listen to your body, provide it with nutrients and loving care, notice what transpires in your life.   You are worth the time, and effort and the increase in energy, enthusiasm and vitality and strength will serve you long into your senior years.   

Navigating Life Changes
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Fortunes: A Feminine Shift in Perspective

There’s a softness that settles over us when we begin to see our lives not through the lens of what’s missing, but through the warm, golden light of what is.

This week, amidst the rush of retreat planning, our Women’s Wisdom Wednesdays, the rhythm of upcoming trainings, bookkeeping, and the focus demanded by a grant application, and a battle with ants, I found myself pausing.

I purposefully enjoyed a quiet moment, with a mug of tea in hand. I had read a passage from Ryan Holiday’s The Daily Stoic, where he shared reflections on Marcus Aurelius and the idea of fortune. And what I read settled into my heart like a seed in fertile soil.

Marcus Aurelius, a Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher, lived a life that would challenge the strongest of us. Wars. Plagues. The death of nine of his children. A failing body. Yet never do we see him collapse under the weight of grief or bitterness.

Instead, he writes:

“I was once a fortunate man,” he writes, “and at some point, fortune abandoned me.” Even here he counters to himself with hope. “True good fortune is what you make for yourself,” he writes. “Good fortune: good character, good intentions, and good actions.” Whenever he speaks of his ‘misfortune,’ he quickly corrects himself. “No, it’s fortunate that this happened,” he writes. “It’s fortunate that this happened and I’ve remained unharmed by it.”

He reframes misfortune as opportunity.

Pain as a proving ground.

Loss as a teacher.

His words shine not because they ignore suffering, but because they hold it tenderly and choose to grow anyway.

True fortune, he said, is not what happens to us, but how we choose to meet it.

And that, my dear, changes everything.

Reimagining Fortune in Our Modern Lives

How often do we count our fortunes based on what is in our bank account or what we don’t yet have?

The dream house.

The bigger bank account.

The better body.  

The perfect partner.

The world around us, especially through the shiny lens of TikTok reels and curated Instagram feeds, whispers constantly:

You need more.

You deserve more.

You should want more.

And we listen.

We scroll through highlight reels of strangers and start to feel dull in comparison.

We buy the latest skincare line, kitchen gadget, self-improvement or exercise program hoping it will finally fill that mysterious, nagging gap inside us.

But more stuff doesn’t satisfy the ache. Doing more does not satisfy the ache.

It only adds clutter. Clutter to our homes, our computers and yes, but more deeply, to our minds and hearts.

Our judgment becomes clouded, not by a lack of wisdom, but by a culture that makes us feel like what we already hold isn’t enough, that we are not enough.

The Treasure We Already Hold

When we pause – truly pause – we can begin to see the richness already woven into our lives.

Not riches in the traditional sense, but the kind that feeds our soul.

Like:

  • The soft strength of a woman who’s survived heartbreak and still opens her heart again.
  • The quiet courage it takes to begin again after loss or betrayal.
  • The peace found in a morning coffee.
  • A walk to look at spring’s first blooms.
  • Or the giggle of a child.
  • The way our bodies carry us – even if aching, even if weary – toward healing.

These, too, are fortunes. They are treasures.

When we tend to these inner riches with love and awareness, our desire for more stuff begins to soften. We no longer chase the next shiny object, or the next generation of smart phones.

We cultivate the gems already nestled in our own lives.

Clearing the Clutter to See Clearly Again

Letting go of unnecessary things—physical and emotional—creates space for clarity. Not just in our closets, but in our choices. In our relationships. In our sense of self.

Every item we own, every piece of decor and drawer of untouched makeup, carries a story or an expectation. And when those stories are born from “not enoughness,” we end up weighed down by the very things we thought would set us free.

Marcus Aurelius reminds us that freedom is an inner state. It comes not from what we accumulate, but from how we think, how we act, and how we choose to rise.

“Good fortune: good character, good intentions, and good actions.”

So maybe we can ask ourselves:

  • What if I am already fortunate?
  • What if everything I truly need to feel full, to feel purposeful, to feel loved… is already within and around me?
  • What if fortune is not a prize to earn, but a presence to notice?

A Gentle Invitation

Today, I invite you to look around your life with softer eyes. Notice the beauty in what you already hold—the laugh lines on your face, the friend who texted “thinking of you,” the sunbeam warming your favorite chair.

Notice your own heart’s resilience. Its desire to grow. Its capacity for joy, even in sorrow.

You are not lacking, darling. You are layered in riches this world can’t always measure.

So, take a breath.

Release the chase.

And let fortune be something you make by living well, loving deeply, and choosing—again and again—to see the good.

Even in hardship.

Especially then.

Navigating Life Changes
Featured

Stress, Distress, Eustress and You

As we go along this path called life, we may at some points find ourselves in situations, environments, relationships, or circumstances that we consider stressful.  These bumps along the road, which can, at times feel more like craters rather than just a pothole to avoid, impact us in many ways.    No human is immune to times of stress. Even Queen Elizabeth II had what she phrased as her “annus horribilis”.

”1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an annus horribilis”

 Stress is considered part of life.  But what exactly is stress?

Hans Selye, a pioneering endocrinologist, introduced the concept of “stress” in a medical context and developed the General Adaptation Syndrome model to describe the body’s response to stressors.

The physical, chemical, and biological responses in his theory of resistance or adaptation after an injury.  “Stress,” Selye insisted, “is essentially the rate of all the wear and tear caused by life.”1  Selye identified these stages as alarm, resistance, and exhaustion. Understanding these different responses and how they relate to each other may help you cope with stress. The Alarm stage is the immediate response to an event, imagine being cut off while driving in heavy traffic, your heart rate and breathing increase, you may swear, and feel tense. Once the danger passes your heart rate , breathing return to normal.  The fight-or-flight or freeze response that occurs in the alarm stage is for your protection. A higher hormone level of cortisone, or adrenaline is for your benefit. It provides you with energy and improves your concentration so you can focus and tackle the situation. When stress is short-term or short-lived, the alarm stage isn’t harmful.

Some stressful situations, like going through a divorce, or a high stress job continue for extended periods of time. If the stress is not resolved, your body remains on high alert, it eventually adapts and learns how to live with a higher stress level. In this stage, the body goes through changes that you may not be conscious of to cope with stress.

Your body continues to secrete the stress hormones and your blood pressure remains elevated. You may think you’re managing stress well, but your body’s physical response tells a different story. If the resistance stage continues for too long without the break needed to reset, restore and recover to offset the effects of stress, this can lead to the exhaustion stage.  Resistance stage includes irritability, frustration and poor concentration. Sleep is interrupted, not as deep, and does not get to the necessary stage of cell renewal.

The exhaustion stage is the result of prolonged, chronic stress.  Exhaustion stage happens when your physical, emotional and mental resources are drained to the point where you can no longer have the strength to fight stress. A little event may be what breaks the proverbial camels back.  Hopelessness, fatigue, burnout, depression and anxiety are indicators, of this stage.  Decreased stressed tolerance and decreased immunity also factor in.   The physical effects put you at risk for stress-related illness.

  When does stress become a problem?  What can we do to counter the effects of stress?

​  The specific ranking of life events by stress level, known as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS), was developed by psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe in 1967. This scale assigns Life Change Units (LCUs) to various life events to quantify their stress impact. The top 10 stress-inducing life events according to the SRRS are:​

  1. Death of a spouse – 100 LCUs​
  2. Divorce – 73 LCUs​
  3. Marital separation – 65 LCUs​
  4. Imprisonment – 63 LCUs​
  5. Death of a close family member – 63 LCUs​
  6. Personal injury or illness – 53 LCUs​
  7. Marriage – 50 LCUs​
  8. Dismissal from work – 47 LCUs​
  9. Marital reconciliation – 45 LCUs​
  10. Retirement – 45 LCUs​

These events are considered significant stressors that may increase the risk of health issues. It’s important to note that individual responses to these events can vary, and personal coping mechanisms play a crucial role in managing stress. ​ Remember, this prognosis may not be true in all cases for all people. It depends on the individual. The belief system they have, the support they have, and the coping mechanisms they employ.  A marriage is happy occasion so why would it be on the list? A marriage brings with it change. Change is not a bad thing and is often a necessary requirement to advancement and growth. It is how we perceive change that creates either a resistance or enhancement response in us.  A wedding can be stressful due to the perceived obligations, we put upon ourselves. It can also be a joyous celebration of the love we share.  Eustress is a positive stress. It is performance enhancing, often a short-term experience where one has perceived control, and it improves well-being. Imagine studying for a big exam, or interview, excelling at it, and the confidence, joy and courage you receive because of your efforts.  The impetus, the push either from yourself or a coach, parent, mentor, advisor, trainer is needed to get you to do the work required to reach your full potential.  That is one of the reasons for deadlines.  Humans are motivated by either the pleasure of reward, or by the avoidance of the pain, disappointment, or penalty or embarrassment of not doing the ‘thing’.  The whole income tax system in this country is precipitated by this principle.  How many people find doing their tax return to be stressful?   It is the reward at the end of a challenge that we focus on.  This is true of so many projects, endeavors, goals we set. There may well be frustrations along the path to the goal.  Focus on the result. Jeff Kranos tell us that “Acute short-term stress in the human body confers a health benefit and activates pathways that promote longevity and resilience.”  Good Stress. To build muscle, the muscle fibres need to be worked beyond their current capacity. Then rest is required, nutrition to fuel the growth of the muscle before the muscle is ready to be worked again.  Good Stress.

 Distress on the other hand, decreases performance. It can come with emotional, physical, and mental symptoms including but not limited to, back pain, headaches, digestive issues, irritability, emotional outburst of anger, tears, sadness,  apathy, lack of self-care, vision issues, sleep disturbances, mood swings, and brain fog or lack of focus or feelings of overwhelm.  If we stay in Distress for too long, it can lead to more serious issues like depression, high blood pressure, adrenal, hormonal and heart concerns. Distress can lead to dis ease.  Distress doesn’t allow for the rest and recovery period.  Our minds, bodies and emotions need to have a rest period to renew, restore and grow.

The Good News is:  You have the keys to change the outcome.  Our beautiful brains have plasticity. Most our bodies cells renew daily. Your biofield contains the energy of life.  It gives you the energy to live well. Bioenergy, the energy of life, provides us with the energy, needed to live. When the bioenergy is gone, the body is life-less.  Bio means life.   So be good to your biofield. “The body is an energy system in constant energetic interaction with its environment.”  “Healing happens on a non-conscious level through a transformation of the way you think and act.” Z. Hochstatter.  Our thoughts create.  It is essential to watch your thoughts.

Here is a list of practical things you can do starting today to help balance your stress levels.

1: Identify whether you are stressed. Just because something is happening outside of you, does not mean you need to stress about it.  You can choose whether you want it to concern you or not.  2: Identify your stressor. Is it a physical environment, work environment,  personal relationship, your self-image? Are your thoughts destructive to your peace of mind?   Are you at battle with your values?

 3: Identify the reason for stressor. Can you change your location if it is too noisy, or the temperature is irritating?  Is it an internal or external stressor?  Are there steps you can take to change?  Now make a plan.  

 4: Identify and apply an appropriate stress management strategy.  You can make changes to how you are living. Sit down and write a list of what is bothering you.  Leave space to write in the answers/solutions to the concerns.  Make another list of how you would like your life to be.  Be specific.

Ask yourself what habits are detrimental to your well-being?  What are you doing to bring joy into your daily life?  Can you speak with a trusted friend, counsellor or therapist?

 DO some physical activity, preferably outside!  Walking for 25 minutes a day has been proven to lower blood pressure and improve the metabolic rate.  Look at your diet. Sugar is a killer. Sugar feeds cancer and disrupts hormones.  (  I like cake on special occasions too.  A delicious chocolate cake brings me joy. One of the things that make it special is that it is a special occasional treat, not a staple food:} I bless it and eat it.

Every month Rose and I offer a PureBioenergy Healing Therapy for Stress Reduction. We know that stress causes 80% or more of all illnesses. “The energy we work with is informed. It is creative. This means it has the power to create or recreate the well-being of the person. When this happens, it happens on all levels. It happens on the physical level, emotional level, mental level and spiritual level. “We don’t address the illness, we address the health.” Zoran Hochstatter – 3 Chairs.  Sign up for and attend the 4 day PureBioenergy Healing Therapy Online.    Experience the change that happens when you start to be healthy, happy and joyful.  Private PureBioenergy Healing Therapy is available in person or by distance for specific issues or ailments as well. You can reach me at purebioenergy4life@gmail.com to set up an appointment.   The reason we offer a monthly PureBioenergy Healing Therapy Online is that it provides a consistent method to balance stress so  you do not get to the exhaustive stage.  Here is the link to be put on the mailing list for our monthly healing events.

2024 was a highly stressful year for me, and my family.  I give credit to God, prayer and PureBioenergy Healing Therapy which I asked for, paid for, and received the many benefits of mental, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am grateful for the friends that checked in, walked with me, and made me laugh along the way.  Stress can make us a stronger, resilient compassionate person.  We manage stress, so it does not control us.

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PureBioenergy Healing Therapy: A Gentle Path to Healing and Renewal

As women, especially those who have endured trauma, we often find ourselves feeling disconnected, isolated, exhausted, and lost—sometimes not knowing who we are anymore or where we are headed. But healing is possible. 

It doesn’t have to be complicated or overwhelming. It can be gentle, like a warm embrace that reminds you of the love and light within. That’s where PureBioenergy Healing Therapy comes in—a soothing and powerful tool we use in our practice to help women rediscover their inner strength and peace.

PureBioenergy Healing Therapy is a powerful way of energy healing without any cultural, political, religious, ritualistic or medical additives. 

What is the Biofield?

Our bodies are not just physical; we also have a subtle, energetic body that surrounds and interpenetrates us. This energetic body is often referred to as the “biofield.” It’s an invisible field of energy that exists around and within each of us, influencing our thoughts, emotions, and overall well-being. Imagine this biofield as a soft, radiant glow that extends a few feet around your body, like the warmth you feel when you stand near a cozy fire. When the biofield is balanced and in harmony, we feel vibrant, clear, and at peace. But when it’s disrupted—whether by trauma, stress, or negative emotions—we can experience illness, physical pain, emotional turmoil, or even a loss of our sense of self.

What is PureBioenergy Healing Therapy?

PureBioenergy Healing Therapy is a gentle yet highly effective technique that works with the biofield to restore balance and healing. This creative life force energy brings in wellness to release stored emotions. It restores and maintains the body at the source and at all levels. It rejuvenates the body, relieves pain and speeds injury recovery. PureBioenergy naturally boosts peak performance. 

Think of it as tuning a musical instrument. When the strings are out of tune, the music sounds off. But when tuned, everything flows harmoniously, producing beautiful sounds.

This healing modality helps women who have experienced trauma by addressing not just the physical symptoms, but the emotional and energetic imbalances that can arise from such experiences. 

In our practice, we’ve seen it work wonders for those who’ve struggled with feelings of fear, guilt, shame, and confusion. PureBioenergy works gently and effectively, offering emotional relief and fostering a deep sense of connection with one’s true self.

How Does PureBioenergy Healing Therapy Interact with the Biofield?

When we perform PureBioenergy Healing Therapy, we connect with a person’s biofield and work to identify and clear any energetic blockages or disturbances. We do this by using our hands, or sometimes even just focusing with our minds, to gently manipulate the energy field. By restoring harmony to the biofield, we are able to help the person release stuck emotions and energy that may be causing them distress. It’s like untangling a knot in a necklace—once the blockage is removed, the energy can flow freely again.

Judy, our Certified Pro PureBioenergy Healing Therapist badly injured her back. She had compressed 4 lower vertebrae weight training.  X-rays showed deteriorated discs.   Her chiropractor told her to put away the running shoes as the damage would prevent her from running, let alone competing again.  At that time, she could not even tie her own shoes. Pain was extreme to the point of nausea.   

She called Zoran Hochstatter, the official teacher of PureBioenergy. He did distance PureBioenergy Healing therapy for her.   The deteriorated discs healed; the pain totally went away. Judy was able to walk, then run and completed in the Badass Dash, a 7 km obstacle course run fundraising for Autism 3 months later.  Judy has personally healed from broken wrists, concussions, sciatica, menopausal issues, and most recently kidney stones, all using PureBioenergy Healing Therapy.   

How Does Distance Healing Work, and Why Does It Work?

You might be wondering, “How can energy healing work from a distance?” It’s a valid question, and one that many of our clients ask when they first learn about PureBioenergy Healing. The idea of distance healing can feel a bit abstract, but the truth is, energy is not confined to physical space. Just as we can feel a friend’s presence even when they are far away or think about someone and immediately feel connected to them, energy flows freely through space and time.

Distance healing works because energy is not limited to our physical senses. It’s like the wind—it may be invisible, but you can feel it on your face and see the trees moving. When we perform distance PureBioenergy Healing Therapy, we connect to the person’s biofield in the same way we would if they were in the room with us. We tune into their energy field and work to restore balance, no matter the distance. The connection happens at an energetic level, transcending physical boundaries.

An Easy Explanation of the Science Behind Distance Healing

Now, you may still be wondering about the science behind all of this, and that’s perfectly okay. Let’s break it down into simpler terms. 

The principle behind distance healing is based on quantum physics and the idea that everything in the universe is connected by energy. At the subatomic level, we are all made of tiny particles—atoms and molecules—that are constantly vibrating and emitting energy. When you think about it, we’re all just energy interacting with other energy.

Quantum physics has discovered that particles can be “entangled,” meaning that two particles can become linked in such a way that the state of one particle directly affects the other, even if they are far apart. This phenomenon, known as “quantum entanglement,” shows us that energy doesn’t adhere to the rules of space and time. In a way, it’s like sending a signal through an invisible channel that connects you to another person’s energy.

In the context of PureBioenergy Healing, we use this quantum connection to tap into a person’s biofield and facilitate healing from a distance. Whether you’re sitting across the room or across the world, the energy flows just the same. Your biofield remains accessible, and the healing process can unfold regardless of physical location.

Why It Works for Traumatized Women

For women who have experienced trauma, the ability to receive healing from a distance is incredibly powerful. It provides a safe, non-invasive way to release emotional pain and find balance. 

There’s no need to rehash painful memories or relive past trauma; instead, the energy healing works to release the blockages caused by these experiences, offering peace and comfort without the need for extensive talking or reliving the past. It’s like taking a step back from the storm and allowing the healing energy to work from the outside in, gently bringing you back to your true self.

I’ve personally witnessed the profound transformation this therapy has brought to many people. Trudy came to us after years of struggling with anxiety and emotional scars from a difficult past. After a series of PureBioenergy sessions, she was able to find peace within herself and her surroundings. She no longer felt burdened by her past, and she learned to live fully in the present moment. For Trudy, the distance healing sessions were a blessing, allowing her to heal in the comfort of her own space while being fully supported by the energy that connected us.

Are You Ready to Reclaim Your Inner Peace and Vitality?

Imagine breaking free from the weight of past trauma and stepping into a life of clarity, balance, and confidence—all from the comfort of your own home. 

If you’re feeling ready to reconnect with your true self, boost your immune system, release past trauma, and embrace a life of peace and vitality, I warmly invite you to join us for our upcoming 

PureBioenergy Healing Event,

happening

February 10, 11, 12, and 13, 2025 at 7:30 pm EDT.

This 30-minute online event will offer a soothing, healing experience that you can participate in from the comfort of your own home.

Click here to reserve your spot now and experience the gentle, powerful healing energy of PureBioenergy Therapy for yourself.

Your future self will thank you for this moment of courage and self-care. 

Remember, healing is a journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone. Judy and I are here to support you every step of the way with solution-based methods of self-discovery and PureBioenergy Healing Therapy to help you find balance, clarity, and peace, no matter where you are.

Blog Posts Healing Practices Navigating Life Changes
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Power! It’s All in Your Head.

The kettle whistles softly in the background as you sit across from me at the kitchen table. The scent of Constant Comment tea fills the air, and I slide a warm mug in front of you. You’ve come to me with a heaviness in your heart, searching for answers or maybe just a listening ear.

We’ve all been there—feeling stuck, unsure of the next step, and hoping for something or someone to swoop in and make it all better. But my dear, let me tell you something that took me far too long to learn.

Everything you need is already within you.

The Search for Solutions

“You know,” I begin, taking a sip of my tea, “we often look outside ourselves for solutions. We think, ‘If only someone could fix this for me’ or ‘Maybe there’s a magic pill to make it all go away.’ But the truth is, the power to change your life is sitting right between your ears. It’s all in your head.”

You tilt your head, intrigued but skeptical. “In my head? How do you mean?”

“Your thoughts,” I say, setting down my mug. “What you think about—how you talk to yourself—creates your reality.

When you focus on complaints and what’s wrong, you stay stuck. But if you shift your focus to possibilities and solutions, that’s where change begins.”

The Trap of Complaining

“Let’s talk about complaining for a minute,” I continue. “It feels good in the moment, doesn’t it? Like letting steam out of a pressure cooker. But here’s the problem: complaining keeps you chained to the negative. It’s like planting weeds in your garden and wondering why nothing beautiful grows.”

You nod slowly, stirring your tea. “I do complain a lot,” you admit. “But it’s hard not to when things feel so overwhelming.”

“I get it,” I say gently. “Life throws curveballs, and sometimes it feels like a storm that never ends. But here’s the question you need to ask yourself: Would you rather complain, or would you rather make a change? You can’t have both.”

The Power of Awareness

“So where do I start?” you ask, leaning forward.

“The first step is awareness,” I say. “You have to tune in to your thoughts. Pay attention to what’s occupying your mind. Are you dwelling on problems, or are you thinking about solutions? Awareness is like turning on the lights in a dark room. You can’t clean up the mess if you don’t see it.”

“That makes sense,” you say. “But how do I figure out why I’m thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Good question,” I say with a smile. “Let me share what helped me to tune in and start making changes.”

Three Steps to Tune In and Make a Change

Step 1: Listen Without Judgment

“First, you have to listen to your thoughts without judging them.

Imagine you’re a curious scientist studying your own mind. Carry a small notebook or use a note app on your phone, and jot down the recurring thoughts you notice throughout the day.

Don’t try to fix them yet; just observe.”

“Even the negative ones?” you ask.

“Especially the negative ones,” I say. “Those are the ones that hold clues about what’s really bothering you.”

Step 2: Ask Why

“Once you’ve identified a thought, ask yourself why it’s there.

Let’s say you keep thinking, ‘I’ll never be good enough.’

Ask yourself: Where does that belief come from? Did someone plant that seed in your mind years ago? Is it based on facts, or is it just a story you’ve been telling yourself?

“The goal is to uncover the root of the thought. When you understand where it comes from, you can decide whether it’s serving you or holding you back.”

Step 3: Choose Your Focus

“Here’s the fun part,” I say, leaning in. “You get to choose what you focus on.

Think of your mind like a radio dial. If you’re tuned into the 66.6 am station ‘Complain and Despair’, switch the dial to 101.1 ‘Hope and Solutions.’

What do you want to create in your life? What small step can you take today to move in that direction?”

“Small steps,” you repeat. “That feels doable.”

“Exactly,” I say. “Change doesn’t happen overnight, but every positive thought, every small action, plants seeds of transformation. And before you know it, your garden starts to bloom.”

The Power of Choice

“Let me tell you something,” I say, looking you in the eye. “You are more powerful than you realize.

The moment you decide to take control of your thoughts, you reclaim your power. It’s not about being perfect or never feeling negative.

It’s about making a choice—over and over again—to focus on what lifts you up rather than what drags you down.”

You sit back, a small smile playing on your lips. “So it really is all in my head, isn’t it?”

“It is,” I say, “but that’s the best news of all. Because if it’s in your head, it means you have the power to change it. And that, my dear, is where your strength lies.”

Moving Forward

As we finish our tea, you seem lighter, as if a tiny spark of hope has been ignited. Change might not be easy, but it’s possible.

And it starts with a simple decision: to tune in, to listen, and to choose.

So, what will you choose today?

Judy and I have published a new book which can help you change the way you think about yourself, called “Belief Blossoms”.

Click here to grab your free copy.

Blog Posts Healing Practices Personal Growth
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I’m Sorry. I’m Not Sorry.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry you had to endure heartbreak so heavy it felt like your world would never be the same.

I’m sorry you experienced loss so profound that the hole it left seemed impossible to fill.

I’m sorry you were a victim of betrayal by someone you trusted deeply.

I’m sorry your dreams were crushed when life took an unexpected turn.

I’m sorry you endured moments when your voice was silenced.

I’m sorry your confidence was shaken by cruel words or thoughtless actions.

I’m sorry your spirit was bruised by rejection.

I’m sorry you carried burdens that were never yours to hold.

I’m sorry you had to navigate the storm of loneliness when all you wanted was connection.

I’m sorry your worth was questioned, even by yourself.

I’m sorry your boundaries were ignored or disrespected.

I’m sorry your body carried pain that seemed unrelenting.

I’m sorry your heart was crushed by unspoken goodbyes.

I’m sorry you faced fear so overwhelming it stole your peace.

I’m sorry your potential was doubted by those who couldn’t see your light.

I’m sorry your joy was dimmed by circumstances beyond your control.

I’m sorry your dreams were dismissed as impossible.

I’m sorry your resilience was underestimated.

I’m sorry your trust was broken, leaving scars you still feel today.

I’m sorry your love was not valued the way it deserved to be.

I’m sorry you were told you were “not enough.”

I’m sorry your boundaries were pushed until they crumbled.

I’m sorry your strength was used against you.

I’m sorry your kindness was taken for weakness.

I’m sorry your dreams were delayed by the weight of responsibilities.

I’m sorry your vulnerability was met with judgment.

I’m sorry your hopes were dashed by circumstances out of your hands.

I’m sorry your courage went unnoticed.

I’m sorry you felt unseen in your moments of greatest need.

But I’m NOT sorry.

I’m not sorry you survived every single one of these moments.

I’m not sorry you are here, reading this, ready to embrace what’s next.

I’m not sorry you showed strength even when it felt like you had none left.

I’m not sorry you’ve discovered resilience you never knew you had.

I’m not sorry you’ve become wiser because of what you’ve endured.

I’m not sorry you get to choose what your life looks like from this day forward.

I’m not sorry you have the chance to grow and evolve into the person you’ve always been meant to be.

I’m not sorry your beauty is blooming now, like the most radiant flower.

I’m not sorry you get to create a life you’re proud of.

I’m not sorry you get to decide that life happens for you, not to you.

I’m not sorry you have the opportunity to rewrite your story.

I’m not sorry you can embrace your strengths and heal your heart.

I’m not sorry you get to surround yourself with people who truly see your value.

I’m not sorry you can choose to let go of the past and step into the light of your future.

I’m not sorry you are unstoppable.

Choices Are Yours to Make

Life is all about choices. Doing nothing is a choice. But doing nothing often keeps us trapped in the same cycles, the same pain, and the same doubts. Choosing to stay the same has its consequences, just as choosing to step forward into something new has its rewards.

When you choose to take responsibility for your life, you give yourself the greatest gift.

Releasing the responsibility for others—for their choices, their emotions, their paths—frees you to focus on your own journey. It’s not easy, but it’s empowering.

Your heart may feel broken, your body may ache, but you still have the power to choose.

Whether you place your trust in doctors and traditional medicine, explore alternative therapies, or begin engaging deeply with your soul, the choice is yours. Today is your day to choose.

If you’re ready to do things differently, Judy and I are here. We’ve been where you are. We’ve faced physical, emotional, and spiritual pain. We’ve doubted ourselves, and yes, we still face those moments. The difference now is how we move through them—how we rise.

We believe in a better way. A way where you embrace your strength and your value. A way where you learn to love yourself fiercely, so you can radiate that love to others.

Start Today

Right here, right now, is your time. You are strong. Look at everything you’ve survived. Look at where you are now.

Let’s honor that strength together. Let’s take the first step toward loving yourself more deeply than ever before.

Click the link below to claim your free gift. It’s a resource designed to help you start this journey of self-love, self-trust, and self-discovery. You deserve this. You’ve earned this. Let’s walk this path together.

Click here to claim your free gift and begin your journey.

Blog Posts Navigating Life Changes
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Knowledge vs Information

People are curious creatures.  We want to know stuff. The quest to know something is so great, that search engines are one of the most valued commodities in the world today.

The Google Search engine has 22,083,870,968 queries per day, that is 255,600 per second.  That is a lot of queries.  What are people searching for?  What are we seeking?

We are bombarded with information.  There are so many venues that provide constant information today, that it takes a conscious effort to reduce our consumption, or to cut ourselves off completely.  Cellphones, computers, podcasts, streaming services, social media, television, radio are competing for our attention.  At the present time, I cannot open my phone without seeing ads. This is before I put my password into my cellphone.  A bit frustrating, yes. 

Not long ago the daily news was delivered via a newspaper, or by radio or on the television twice a day.  The 6 o’clock news or the 10 or 11 o’clock news.  I remember sitting with my Dad as he drank his coffee with cream watching the Evening News.  The news then was curated from journalists.  At one time, I considered a career in journalism.  My Dad would say things like “Don’t take the news too seriously, there are more important things in life.”. 

Today much of which we are receiving is an opinion. It is a based on someone’s interpretation of fact.  What if their interpretation is flawed? TicTok, X, Instagram, and Facebook show quick bits meant to invoke emotional response. There may be entertainment value, if a cute cat picture makes one smile.   There may even be pause for thought.  Our Wounded Women Rising Facebook and Instagram accounts have daily inspirational quotes or thoughts and photos to help promote a positive life experience.

As the volume of information increases, does a person’s knowledge expand?

When one learns something new, for example a new skill, or a new way of thinking; the new information is wired in, by the repetition.  Have you ever driven a standard automobile?  You can receive the information on how to use the clutch and the stick,  the gas and brake pedals, but until you can stop on a hill, without rolling back, you don’t know how to drive a standard.  At the point when you will have mastered the sweet spot, then you know how to drive a standard.  You have confidence in your ability to drive.  That confidence empowers you to get on the highway and go to new places and have new experiences. The confidence in your ability is what drives you. 

What is knowledge?

My mentor Zoran Hochstatter says of PureBioenergy Healing Therapy the knowledge comes from the doing. In his book, 3 Chairs he states, “With the knowledge comes an enormous responsibility. The knowledge grows with practice and the joy of learning, and this leads to more personal growth.”

The information that we are subjected to on a daily basis can be a big distraction from seeking wisdom.  How often to you find yourself doom scrolling? Just mindlessly scrolling through FB or Instagram and how do you feel afterwards?  Time slipped by and what have we gained from it.

“Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is potential power. .Knowledge is trumped every day by execution.” says Tony Robbins 

 Henry W. Wright writes:  “The beginning of all wisdom begins with knowledge. You cannot have wisdom unless you first have knowledge.  You cannot have wisdom if you do not preface it with knowledge. Knowledge apart from wisdom is foolishness.”  From the book,” A More Excellent Way”.

Knowledge is a gift to us, but we must ask for it and seek it.  And upon receiving it, use it. Psalm 119.66 NLT “For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy.”

As we go along in this life, may we gain in knowledge. Let’s share what we learned and remember to treat each other with respect and kindness.  When the opportunity presents itself, walk in nature.  Find the quiet and ask God to give you what you seek. I believe that God will give us both peace and the answers that we are seeking. “Ask and it will be given to you, seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Matthew7.7-8. The Old and the New Testament are filled with verses on knowledge, wisdom and peace.  It’s worth a query.



Healing Practices
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Transformation – Hello You!

Have you had the experience of losing yourself? I have had this experience so often in my life that I nearly had a breakdown. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands feeling as if I didn’t exist, only my body did. I was crushed, broken and an empty shell. I had no worth, no existence and I wanted to die.

I also remember having the experience of walking past a mirror, catching a glimpse of myself and saying “Hello You! Where have you been hiding?

You may not have had an experience quite like this but we have all experienced the notion of Who Am I?

It is quite common for a woman to get caught up in being a partner/spouse, mother, friend, daughter, professional, Ms. Fixit, superwoman; all-knowing, all-seeing wonder of the world and lover. Where does she find herself in all of these roles? My gosh, just reading this makes me think women are the epitome of the multiple personality disorder.

No wonder that when divorce, abuse and life’s traumas hit home she cracks and breaks. It is difficult to keep all of these balls in the air. But it is during the times when her world falls apart that she has the opportunity to rediscover her essence, her soul, her one true love, herself.

I like to think of the opportunity to rediscover myself as a gift. Thinking this way does not start out like that. Heavens no! 

Thinking like this occurs during the process of self-discovery. When I realized I’d been given a gift everything changed. I focused more deeply. I got excited about the process, of the discovery. And then reams of information came my way I don’t think I ever could have found if I had spent thousands of hours in the library.

So, accept where you are at. Acknowledge and confirm your emotions, even the painful ones. Acknowledge your emotions as valid responses to your experiences. Accept yourself as you are, scars and all. This is the beginning of the self-discovery process.

Don’t forget about mind moves. Mind moves or the changing of your mind involves moving from a victim mentality to a mind SET of empowerment. Instead of feeling helpless and at the mercy of external circumstances, recognize your natural strength and responsibility in shaping your own destiny. This is the second step to self-discovery.

Allow me to introduce you a few other steps on the path to Hello You. These are easy things you can do to open the door to your heart, your soul, your one true love, you.

Reflect on your core values and beliefs. When was the last time you thought about your core values and beliefs

Values are often taken for granted. They’re just there. We adopt values from our families, friends, cultures, schools, and workplaces. We gather them like flowers along the path. Once we have them, we don’t really look at them and we don’t determine if they benefit our life or need to change. We may glance at them but we don’t really see them. My therapist showed me that values are of the ultimate importance, and it is important to determine the values that are non-negotiable.

Understanding your values can provide clarity and direction to your life.

Explore your strengths and weaknesses. What are you naturally good at? Organization? Networking? Entertaining? Design? Leadership? Administration? Caring for others? Motherhood?

Where do you have opportunities for growth? Emotional regulation? Self-Acceptance? Body positivity? Boundaries? Finding purpose?

Embrace your strengths and weaknesses. This leads to greater self-awareness, builds confidence and self-esteem.

Investigate your passions and interests. What activities bring you joy and fulfillment? If you haven’t gone for a bike ride lately, rent a bike for a day and explore your area. Do you enjoy the water? Rent a kayak or tube and join a group floating the nearest river. Have you wanted to try knitting or crocheting? There are groups everywhere to join in. Stop by a local yarn or craft shop and ask about them. Pick up a paint brush. Paint a room or a canvas. Are you concerned about world events and activism? Browse Facebook, the “net” or Instagram and find a place that aligns with your heart.

Engaging in activities that align with your passions leads to a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Ponder your life experiences, both positive and negative. Play the “I Remember” game. What have been the defining moments in your life? What lessons did you learn from them? You will laugh and you will cry. Both emotions are good for your soul.

Pondering on past experiences can provide valuable insights into your identity and aspirations. And please write them down. Memories not written down are eventually forgotten. I have the thought that if I ever get dementia or Alzheimer’s I would like my family to read these memories to me and the lessons I learned from them.

Cultivate mindfulness and self-reflection practices. Mindfulness techniques such as meditation, journaling, and deep breathing help you connect with your inner self and gain clarity on your thoughts and emotions.

Set goals and intentions for your personal growth. What do you want to achieve in various areas of your life, such as career, relationships, and health? Setting specific and measurable goals provides motivation and direction for growth. Start small. What do you want to accomplish this month or even this week? Pick one area of your life and set one goal or intention.

Step out of your comfort zone and embrace a new challenge. Your comfort zone is that safe, secure and warm area you like live in? Get out of it! Try something that makes your blood pump and mouth go dry.

Growth often occurs outside of the comfort zone, so I encourage you to take a risk and try a new experience that stretches your abilities and expands your horizons.

A friend of mine challenged me to do something that scared me once a week for 12 weeks. I took the challenge. I did not find it too difficult to find something that scared me. I had become so cocooned that even smiling at someone on my daily walk made me sweat.

After learning to smile, I got the nerve to say hello. I held me head up, smiled then said a word or two and kept walking. Pretty soon this practice is now part of who I am and what I do to show kindness in my area of the world. I have made friends in my neighbourhood.

Seek feedback and support from others. Whether it’s from friends, mentors, or professionals, or support groups, feedback provides valuable insights and perspectives for growth.

Find “your tribe”, a place where you share something in common and start sharing. Start asking questions of others. Give input and get input. We are meant to be in community.

Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can provide encouragement and accountability. Something we all need to thrive.

Prioritize continual learning and development. Whether through formal or informal education, self-study, or experiential learning, seek opportunities for growth and expansion of your knowledge and skills. Become a lifelong learner.

Cultivate resilience and adaptability in the face of challenges and setbacks. Yes, that means welcoming challenges and setbacks. Realize this is a period of profound growth and it is not to be feared.

Life is full of ups and downs, but those who can bounce back and adapt to change are better positioned for growth and success.

You don’t need to try everything on this list. Pick one. Start there.

By exploring areas of self-discovery and committing to personal growth, you embark on a transformative journey of self-awareness, empowerment, confidence and fulfillment.

Imagine catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, liking what you see and saying, “Hello You! Where have you been hiding?”

Healing Practices
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Transformation – How Do You Heal?

When someone starts talking about transformation and healing, I immediately think of the brain, the mind. Through my research I have found that most people think about a significant and positive change or evolution in various aspects of their life. This can include personal growth, self-improvement, inner healing, or a dramatic shift in mindset, behavior, or circumstances.

I have learned over the years that transformation is not just about the mind. The mind and body are connected. What one believes in their mind affects their body. There is an intricate relationship between our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and our physical health. The mind-body connection suggests that our mental and emotional states influence our physical well-being, and vice versa.

The mind-body connection is rooted in the biological and neurological systems of the body. The brain and nervous system play a central role in processing and responding to both internal and external stimuli, including thoughts, emotions, and sensations. Neurotransmitters, hormones, and other chemical messengers transmit signals between the brain and the body, influencing various physiological processes.

Our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs have a direct impact on our physical responses. For example, when we experience stress or anxiety, the brain activates the body’s stress response system, triggering the release of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones can lead to physical changes such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and muscle tension.

It is my belief that you cannot transform the mind only. In the process of transforming your mind you will transform your body. In the process of transforming your body you will transform your mind.

Please don’t misunderstand me. You aren’t going to have the body of an athlete if you simply change your mindset. However, if you have a mindset shift and believe you can have the body of an athlete you can actually achieve that. It will take work and perseverance.  But if you believe you can, you will. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”

I would rather practice wellness than always addressing sickness. Wellness includes many healing modalities that encompass a wide range of practices and techniques to support the journey of transformation. My purpose in this article is to introduce different methods and for you to choose the ones that fit your beliefs, lifestyle, and pocketbook.

Traditional Therapy

Traditional therapy or counseling sessions with licensed therapists provide safe and supportive environments for you to explore your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Therapists utilize various therapeutic approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), psychodynamic therapy, solution focused brief therapy, (SFBT) and trauma-informed therapy to help individuals process their past traumas, develop coping strategies, and cultivate resilience.

I have engaged in psychodynamic therapy, solution focused brief therapy and trauma-informed therapy. My favorite, by far, was the solution focused brief therapy. I found it to be the quickest and most effective therapy with the best results. I found that dwelling on the past and it’s influence on my life was a slow painful process as I had to relive the events and the emotions. I got more and more depressed and felt like I was spinning my wheels getting nowhere.

Sure, I did get some helpful tools in the process but the road was painful and too long. 

With solution focused brief therapy I determined the outcome I wanted and mapped out the road to get there. I didn’t dwell on the past. I focused on my now and my future. Less money. Better results.

Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation practices are powerful tools for cultivating self-awareness, reducing stress, and promoting emotional well-being. These practices involve paying attention to the present moment with openness and acceptance, without judgment. Techniques such as mindful breathing, body scans, and loving-kindness meditation can help individuals become more grounded, centered, and connected to themselves.

Meditation and mindfulness take time and practice. One often hears that you need to “empty your mind” to be an expert meditator and look like the gurus in many pictures. I have found that it is impossible to silence the chatter in my mind.

I started meditation and mindfulness about 3 years ago. It was tough at first. As soon as I sat in a quiet space my mind took over. I made grocery lists, listed phone calls I needed to make, jobs I had to do and even try to figure out solutions to not only my own problems but other people’s problems too. I was so frustrated I almost gave up.

Then, I read something by Dr. Wayne Dyer. He stated that it was not possible to empty your mind. He did say that it was possible to acknowledge the thoughts and let them pass. He said not to make judgements on what my mind was doing, just let the thought pass. I tried it and it works.

Now, I practice meditation at least twice a day, especially in the morning. I have joined a group of other meditators. We are currently working our way through the chakras. I am loving this practice.

The other meditation I do is online with Dr. Joe Dispenza. I find that my days are easier because I have more trust. More trust in myself. More trust in God. More trust in my abilities and the people who come into my life.

Mindfulness to me is paying attention to my thoughts and my words. How am I speaking to myself? How am I speaking to others? Am I being loving and kind? Am I being compassionate? When I pay attention, I can see what I like and don’t like and can change it in an instant.

I find driving brings out the worst in me. When I’m mindful I realize that the person who just pulled that jerk move has their “stuff” to go through and I can let it go and continue on my way without stewing or swearing about it.

Yoga

Yoga combines physical postures, breathwork, and meditation to promote holistic health and well-being. Yoga helps individuals release tension stored in the body, increase flexibility and strength, and cultivate mindfulness.

The practice of yoga increases body awareness. Through the practice we learn how we move through life. With breathwork we become aware of the importance of oxygen not only our physical body but to our emotions as well.

I used to hate yoga. I took many classes wanting to like it. But I never did! I walked out of a yoga class feeling like I got nothing out of it. The only yoga pose I really liked was “legs up the wall”. Yummy but not worth doing a whole class.

Then Covid hit. I wasn’t exercising as much. I was going through cancer treatments with my mom and a divorce. My stress levels were very high. All I wanted was to stretch. The only way I knew to get the stretch I desired was through yoga.  

I contacted my sisters and told them my dilemma. I asked them to join me in an online yoga class. They all agreed. We would do the yoga practice in our own homes and text the others when we were done and report on how we did. This was the beginning of my love of yoga. I do not do it everyday but I do engage in the practice at some point during the week. I also use some yoga moves as a cool down to my regular workout. Now, yoga is yummy and worth it to me.

Art Therapy

Art therapy is a form of expressive therapy that uses the creative process of making art to improve and enhance physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It can be a powerful tool for self-expression, exploration, and healing.

Through various art forms such as painting, drawing, sculpture, and collage, you can externalize your internal experiences, gain insights into your emotions, and access deeper layers of your consciousness. Art therapy can be particularly beneficial for those who may find it challenging to verbalize their feelings or simply don’t have the words to express themselves.

Many therapists, counselors, and mental health professionals offer art therapy sessions as part of their practice. These sessions provide a safe and supportive environment for individuals to explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences through artmaking. If you would like to experiment with art therapy, ask your therapist about it. If they don’t offer it as part of their practice, they should be able to connect you with someone who does.

Community art centers often offer classes, workshops, and open studio sessions for people of all ages and skill levels. These centers provide access to art materials, studio space, and guidance from experienced instructors, making it easy for individuals to explore their creativity in a supportive and non-judgmental setting.

There are many online resources and platforms that offer virtual art classes, tutorials, and communities for artists of all levels. Websites such as Skillshare, Udemy, and YouTube provide a wealth of instructional videos and resources for learning different art techniques and styles from the comfort of home.

Attending local art events, exhibitions, and gallery openings can also inspire artistic expression. These events provide opportunities to connect with other artists, explore different art forms and styles, and gain inspiration from the work of others. It also gets you out of the house. Call up a friend or go by yourself. You will never regret feeding your mind with soulful adventures.

Art therapy is more about the process of creating than the end result. Maybe we should rename art therapy, Creative Healing. Hmmmm, I like that sound of that.

Focus on the act of self-expression and exploration rather than worrying about creating a masterpiece. Experiment with different art mediums and techniques to find what resonates with you. Painting, drawing, sculpture, or mixed media. Pick one to start. There are endless possibilities for creative expression.

There are no right or wrong ways to make art. Your efforts and your unique perspective and experiences are valuable. If you are perfectionist Creative Healing is an ideal way to climb out of the perfection space and accept what is and call it beautiful. Always remember, the more you engage in the activity the better you get.

Nature Therapy

Spending time in nature has been shown to have numerous therapeutic benefits, including reducing stress, improving mood, and promoting overall well-being. Nature therapy, also known as ecotherapy or wilderness therapy, includes activities such as hiking, gardening, or simply spending time outdoors in natural settings. Forest bathing or Shin Rin Yoku is a method of nature therapy. Get out in the bush or the woods. Don’t be afraid to touch the trees.

Connecting with the natural world can help you feel grounded, rejuvenated, and connected to something greater than yourself. Stop. Breathe. Relax. Believe. Love.

Breathwork

Breathwork practice focus on the conscious control of your breath to promote relaxation, emotional release, and inner healing. Techniques such as deep diaphragmatic breathing, breath awareness, and breath retention can help you regulate your nervous system, reduce anxiety, and access deeper states of consciousness. Breathwork sessions led by trained facilitators provide a supportive space for individuals to explore their breath and its connection to their emotions and experiences.

I started doing breathwork when I was introduced to the work of Wim Hof. Wim Hoff, also known as The Iceman, is a Dutch motivational speaker and extreme athlete noted for his ability to withstand low temperatures. His method is a technique that combines controlled deep breathing, cold therapy, and commitment to help you connect more deeply to your body.

I enjoy the Wim Hoff breathwork. I have not mastered the cold therapy. I keep trying but I have to admit I do not like it. I would rather be warm. There is still a benefit to engaging with his breathing technique.

I have discovered other breathing techniques through my yoga practice and with my meditation coach SevaRam Spronk. I love all of it.

Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy

My favorite healing modality is Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy. Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy is based on the principle that the body has an innate ability to heal itself when its energy flow is balanced and unobstructed.

Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy offers a gentle yet powerful approach to promoting health and well-being by restoring the body’s natural energy balance. It can be an effective tool for addressing a wide range of physical, emotional, and mental health concerns and supporting individuals on their journey toward optimal wellness.

Practitioners of Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy work with the body’s energy allowing energy to flow freely and facilitate the healing process.

Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy utilizes various techniques to assess and address energetic imbalances in the body. These techniques may include identifying areas of congestion or depletion, and using specific hand movements and intention to channel healing energy to the affected areas. The energy of life has all the information of wellness in it, therefore the body knows exactly what to do with it. The therapy is non-invasive, structured and typically involves light touch or hands-off approaches.

Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy can be used to address a wide range of physical, emotional, and mental health concerns. It is often used to alleviate pain, accelerate healing from injuries or surgeries, reduce stress and anxiety, improve sleep quality, and enhance overall well-being. The therapy is gentle and suitable for people of all ages, from infants to the elderly.

Clients who receive Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy often report feeling deeply relaxed, peaceful, and energized during and after sessions. Some may experience sensations such as warmth, tingling, or subtle movements in the body as energy begins to shift and rebalance. Many clients notice improvements in their symptoms and overall well-being with continued sessions over time.

Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy can be used as a complementary approach alongside conventional medical treatments. While it is not a replacement for medical care, it can support the body’s natural healing processes and enhance the effectiveness of other treatments.

Each month you get to participate in an online Pure Bioenergy 4 Life Healing Event. You can register using this link. For more information about this healing modality click on any of the links above.

You will notice that I did not talk about diet and exercise. There is so much information available to you if you want to go in this direction. I felt it was better to talk about other ways to transform your body. Choose one of the modalities I’ve talked about. Experience the difference it can make in your life. I dare you!

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Your Transformation – Mind Moves

Mind moves, mind shift, perspective change or reality re-evaluation. Whatever you call it the principle is to “change your mind”. I change my mind every day. I change my mind about what I’m going to wear. I change my mind about what to have for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I change my mind because I’m a woman – and that’s my prerogative. This kind of mind change is not what I want to talk about today.

I want to talk about what goes on in your mind when you want to make a change in your life. I want to talk about how you move your mind from negative thinking to positive thinking. This kind of mind move is the second phase in transformation.

Think of like this. The old digital alarm clocks had a SET button. You choose the time you want to wake up, scroll through the time until you get it just right and press the SET button. This keeps the time in memory. When that time rolls around, the alarm goes off. In the same way, mind moves shift you from a negative way of thinking to a positive way of thinking. You push the SET button to keep it in memory.

A powerful mind move involves moving from a victim mentality to a mind SET of empowerment. Instead of feeling helpless and at the mercy of external circumstances, you recognize your natural strength and responsibility in shaping your own destiny.

For example, rather than dwelling on past traumas over things that happened to you, you get to reframe the event as an experience that shaped your resilience and ability to overcome adversity. You’re still standing. The fact that you are still standing is testament to your strength and resilience.

Transitioning from a fixed mind SET to a growth mind SET is another important mind move. Rather than believing your abilities and qualities are fixed traits, you get to see challenges as opportunities for growth and learning. This is a growth mind move. You move to embrace setbacks as temporary rather than insurmountable obstacles and approach life with a sense of curiosity. You are open to new experiences.

Many women who have experienced trauma struggle with self-doubt and low self-esteem. A mind move in this area involves cultivating self-confidence and self-belief.

When I learned that it was necessary for me to make this mind move, I panicked. I didn’t think it was possible. I believed that this was the way I was and it could not change. If you think this way or this statement fills you with anxiety, please, take a deep breath, exhale slowly and believe that you can cultivate self-confidence.

Cultivating self-confidence involves challenging negative self-talk and replacing it with affirmations of self-worth and capability. For example, instead of telling myself, “I’m not good enough,” I affirm, “I am worthy of love and respect, and I have the strength to overcome any challenge.” It can seem so simple, yet the result of replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmation is SO PROFOUND.

Positive affirmations provide a counterbalance to negative thoughts. Affirming statements challenge and replace destructive beliefs with more empowering beliefs. Repeating positive affirmations gradually rewires your brain to adopt positive and supportive thought patterns, leading to improved self-esteem and self-worth.

Positive affirmations cultivate self-compassion by offering words of kindness, understanding, and acceptance. By affirming your own worthiness, strength, and resilience, you learn to treat yourself with greater kindness and compassion, nurturing a deeper sense of self-love and acceptance.

Positive affirmations inject hope and optimism into your life reminding you that healing is possible and that better days lie ahead. Declarations such as “I trust in the healing process,” “I believe in my ability to heal,” and “I am deserving of a bright future” instill a sense of hope and possibility. This motivates you to persevere on your journey of recovery.

Fear often holds us back from pursuing our dreams and living life to the fullest. A mind move from fear to courage involves acknowledging the presence of your fear but not letting it dictate your actions.

It means stepping out of our comfort zone and taking a bold leap of faith, even in the face of uncertainty. For example, instead of allowing fear of failure to paralyze you, you get to embrace the unknown and take a calculated risk to pursue your goals and dreams.

Take risks. Try new experiences that stretch your abilities and expand your horizons. It may be scary at first, but the effort will be so worth it.

Finally, a transformative mind move involves shifting from an attitude of scarcity to one of abundance. Instead of viewing life through a lens of lack and limitation, you get to see abundance and possibility all around you.

Abundance is not only financial. If you open your heart and your eyes you will see the abundance in your life. I like to go for a walk in the woods regularly. I see the power of the trees and the wind. I see the beauty of the forest floor. I breathe in the clean air. This to me is abundance. Abundance, for me, is looking into the eyes of my children and grandchildren, being thankful they have been given to me and I feel rich. I can look in my fridge and see that I have enough, even if it’s only enough for today.

This may involve practicing gratitude for what you already have and adopting an abundance mind SET that attracts more positivity and abundance into your life. For example, rather than focusing on what you lack, focus on what you have to be grateful for and trust that your needs will be provided.

I find that writing down the things I am grateful for today is an impactful practice. I am reminded of all things, people, places, and experiences I have had. I see how these have impacted my life and I live with a grateful heart. I can also be grateful for my future and picture what that looks like.

I know a woman named Lena. Lena had always felt like she was merely surviving, navigating her days with a heavy heart and a sense of resignation. Deep within her soul, she longed for something more—a life filled with purpose, joy, and fulfillment.

One day, as Lena sat in her tiny apartment, surrounded by the familiar trappings of her existence, she couldn’t shake the feeling that there had to be more to life than what she was experiencing. She yearned for a change, a transformation that would break the chains of her self-imposed limitations and set her spirit free.

With a flicker of determination, Lena embarked on a journey of self-discovery—a journey that would challenge her beliefs, push her boundaries, and ultimately lead her to profound transformation.

As Lena delved into the depths of her own psyche, she encountered the first hurdle on her path: the victim mindset. This mindset held her captive for a long time.

She realized that she had been allowing her past traumas to define her, casting herself as the helpless victim of circumstances beyond her control. But in that moment of awareness, Lena made a conscious choice to reclaim her power—to rise above her past and embrace her innate strength and resilience.

With each move forward, Lena encountered new challenges that tested her resolve. She faced moments of doubt and uncertainty, grappling with the fear of the unknown that threatened to hold her back. But instead of allowing fear to dictate her actions, Lena summoned the courage within her—the courage to step into the unknown, to trust in her own abilities, and to pursue her dreams with unwavering determination.

Along the way, Lena discovered the transformative power of a growth mindset—a belief in her own potential to learn, grow, and evolve. She realized that setbacks were not roadblocks, but rather opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

With each challenge she encountered, Lena embraced the opportunity to expand her horizons, to push past her comfort zone, and to emerge stronger and more resilient than before.

As Lena journeyed deeper into the heart of her own transformation, she began to see the world through new eyes—an abundance mindset opened her heart to the infinite possibilities that surrounded her. She realized that life was not a zero-sum game, but rather a tapestry of abundance and opportunity, waiting to be woven into the fabric of her own unique story.

In the end, Lena emerged from her journey of transformation not as a mere survivor, but as a beacon of hope and inspiration to all who knew her. She had exceeded her limitations, embraced her true essence, and stepped into a reality filled with joy, purpose, and fulfillment.

Now, you get to choose how your transformation develops.  This is ALL about you. No one can take it away. It is nobody else’s business. Your transformation is NOT selfish. Your transformation is the MOST loving act you can do for yourself. Without loving yourself it is impossible to love anyone else.

By making these mind moves, your get to transform your perspective on life. You get to unlock your full potential. You get to create a reality filled with joy, purpose, and fulfillment. This is your journey of self-discovery and empowerment. This journey begins with changing the way you think and perceive the world around you.

The next blog post in this series is the exploration of the huge impact healing methods can have on your transformation.

Remember that trauma does not define you. You choose how to live your life.  

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Transformation: Acceptance and Self-compassion

I did something the other day I don’t usually do. I found myself scrolling through social media. One reel hooked me into another, and then another and another and on and on it went.

I know the concept of reels is to hook the viewer into more and more. I got hooked. Then next thing I knew an hour and half went by at the speed of my finger. Can you relate? Has this EVER happened to you?

After I had finished chastising myself on the waste of time, I realized something significant.

I realized a lot of the reels I watched were about transformation. I have to admit I have been doing research on the concept of transformation and engaging in some transformative practices.

Algorithms caught on and filled my feed with reels about transformation. Now, not all reels were about transformation. Some were just plain funny and I laughed ‘til I cried. I love a sense of humour. I can still see the outrageous stuff people do and I chuckle to myself. Hmmmm.

Right. Let’s get back to what I was talking about.

So, was scrolling a waste of time? I’m going out on a limb and saying “NO”.

The fact that I realized what I had been watching was of some value made me a bit giddy. I had held the belief that all social media scrolling was to fill in time waiting for appointments or an avenue to killing off brain cells. I was wrong.

Choke! Choke! Gag!

Yes, I was wrong and I am not afraid to admit it. It isn’t easy but I do admit it.

In that hour and a half, I learned some new things and I cemented in the things I already knew and discovered. And now I get to share what I learned with you.

If you aren’t interested in transforming any area of your life, duck out now. I suspect you’ll be bored.

If you are interested in transforming an area of your life read on. My prayer is that you will be blessed and get excited to begin the process of transforming your life to what YOU want it to be.

To start I think we need to ask the question, “Is transformation really possible?”. I give the answer to this question two thumbs up. YES! It is possible to transform your life.

Think about it. Most movies we watch are about transformations. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The Hulk. Kevin Spacey’s character in The Usual Suspects. Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor. The Gremlins. Star Wars and don’t forget about every Marvel movie. I believe I made my point.

So yes, transformation is possible. Transformation is not an easy road. Transformation is definitely worth the time, effort and money you invest in the process. So, where do you begin?

Transformation usually starts with a crisis. You hit rock bottom and find yourself in despair and or depression. You can’t do this anymore. How did you get here? How did you get into this? What just happened? How could he?

I am sure you can relate to at least one of these questions during a crisis in your life. I’m also sure you can add a thousand questions to this list.

I remember thinking during one of my many crises that maybe it was me. “If I could just find a way to change me everything would be okay.” So, I tried to change me, a transformation. I tried to become what I thought he wanted. That didn’t work! It actually made matters worse. I was miserable because I was living against my values, what I believed and who I was. My misery made the whole situation worse. Yes, transformation is not always positive.

I also remember a time when my second marriage was in dire trouble. I tried everything I knew at the time to “fix it”. This went on for a few years. Then one morning I woke up and decided it was not about him anymore. It was not about us anymore. It was about me.

I started my journey to wholeness, strength, confidence, and self-worth.

I engaged in psychotherapy to find my way out of the internal chatter that threatened to bury me. I read books. I found online groups for support. I went to retreats, seminars and workshops. I took part in online challenges. I sought out the thoughts and ideas of leaders in the field of transformation. I studied biographies of people who believed in themselves, went against “the norm” and found themselves, their strengths, and their passions.

Ladies, it has been quite the journey. It has cost me a lot of time, money, tears, anger and joy, mostly joy. This journey continues and I do not want to stop. I have found beauty among the ashes. I have found inner joy. I am happy – most of the time. I am an overcomer. I have even had do-overs!

So, where do you start on your journey of transformation – if you decide to start the challenge?

You have heard the quote by Lao Tzu, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” This is exactly where to start. You start with the first step.

The first step is your decision to invest in yourself. If there is to be a change in your life, that change starts with you.

I believe you made that decision when you started reading this article or looking online for topics on personal change and transformation. We all long to be like the butterfly who emerges from the cocoon as a beautiful creature.

What do you do when you’ve made that decision? Good question! And bravo for asking it. When you ask a good question, you get a good answer. Your next step is acceptance.

Acceptance begins with acknowledging and confirming your emotions, even the painful ones.

When a woman experiences trauma she can allow herself to feel the depth of her sadness, anger, or fear without judgment. Instead of pushing these emotions away or denying their existence, she can acknowledge them as valid responses to her experiences.

Allow me to tell you a story.

Maya was no stranger to life’s challenges; she has weathered her fair share of storms and emerged stronger each time. Despite her resilience, there was still a heaviness in her heart—a lingering ache from wounds that ran deep.

One day Maya found herself sitting by the riverbank, lost in thought. Memories of past sufferings flooded her mind, threatening to consume her in a sea of sorrow. Tears welled up in her eyes as she struggled to make sense of it all.

In that moment of vulnerability, Maya realized that she had been fighting against herself, resisting the pain that clamored for acknowledgment. With an audible moan, she let go of her defenses and allowed herself to feel—to truly feel—the weight of her emotions. She embraced her sadness, her anger, her fear, like old friends returning home after a long journey.

Maya felt a gentle stirring within her—a flicker of self-compassion igniting in the depths of her soul. She spoke softly to herself, offering words of kindness and understanding, like soothing balm to a wounded heart.

“I forgive you,” she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. “I forgive you for carrying this burden for so long. You deserve peace, and I will walk beside you every step of the way.”

With each passing day, Maya practiced self-compassion in small but profound ways. She learned to let go of the heavy cloak of self-blame that had weighed her down for years.  Instead, she embraced the lightness of forgiveness and grace. She set boundaries to protect her tender heart. She surrounded herself with love and support.

As the seasons turned and the world bloomed around her, Maya found herself transformed. She was not transformed by the absence of pain, but by the acceptance of it. She had become a beacon of hope for others, living proof to the power of acceptance and self-compassion on the journey of healing.

And so, dear reader, remember Maya’s story as you navigate your own path of transformation. Embrace your pain, your imperfections, with open arms, for it is in acceptance that true healing begins.

This is the beginning of your journey in transformation. Acceptance takes time. Take this opportunity to accept. Give yourself the gift of time to accept yourself as you are, scars and all. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Don’t run from them. Your emotions are part of you, a beautiful part of you.

Show yourself compassion. This means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Present yourself with words of comfort and reassurance during difficult moments. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can given your circumstances.

Acceptance also means letting go of self-blame and recognizing that traumatic events are not your fault. A woman who has experienced abuse can release feelings of guilt or shame and understand that she did not deserve what happened to her. Instead of blaming herself for past actions or decisions, she can focus on nurturing herself and begin moving forward.

Self-compassion and acceptance involve embracing your imperfections and recognizing that nobody is perfect. A woman can forgive herself for past mistakes or perceived shortcomings, understanding that they do not define her worth. Instead of striving for unattainable standards of perfection, celebrate your uniqueness and inherent value.

Acceptance includes setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and honor your needs. You can assertively communicate your boundaries with others, expressing what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. Prioritize self-care and respect your limits. In this way you show self-compassion and cultivate a sense of empowerment.

When you practice acceptance and self-compassion you develop a deeper sense of self-awareness, resilience, and inner peace. These habits serve as the foundation for healing and growth, allowing you to embrace your true self with love and compassion.

There is more to discover on this journey of transformation. Next week we will uncover mindset shifts that can change your perspective and significantly affect your personal healing journey.

May you always be guided by the gentle whispers of self-compassion, leading you home to the depths of your own beautiful soul.

Navigating Life Changes
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The Sweet Smell of Success

How do you spell Success? How do you define success?  Each of us has our own definition of success.  Our view of success comes from what we value. What we value comes from our belief patterns.

Today I want to share a few success stories from the women in our group.

One of the values that each of these women share is tenacity or resilience. The ability to bounce back from disasters, disappointment, divorce, and the despair that often cloaks those hard events in our life.  These ladies made a decision that was right for them. It took courage.  It took listening to their own counsel, as often other people told them it couldn’t be done. It took prayer and faith that the outcome would be good.

These women made bold decisions, and with perseverance achieved their desires. Sometimes in life, we don’t realize the talents, abilities or skills we possess until we are put to the test.  If we stay in the same position, and don’t stretch ourselves, our physical muscles will atrophy.  If we don’t expand beyond our current thoughts, how can we grow? If we don’t try, we will die.  

All new experiences, take an effort.  How many times have you had a thought, or desire, and squashed it before it had time to germinate.  It is in our nature to protect ourselves from perceived danger.  However, often the perceived danger is an illusion. It is a culmination of tangled emotion, fears, generational mores of “this is the way something is done”. Don’t rock the boat, or cause a fuss, and heavens above, don’t bring attention to yourself.  

If you are told, sit down and be quiet repeatedly, eventually you comply. One acquiesces, however the desire to express the goal, desire, dream, does not go away.  It festers. It may be stagnant for many years or decades. The dream may lie dormant, until you give it the time, attention, diligence, and yes love, that both you and the dream need to bloom. 

Yet, as these women and many others have shown us, when the opportunity arises take the leap. Better yet when, in confidence, you decide you will live differently, doing that which your heart desires and create the opportunity by your new way of thinking.  Success, joy, excitement, and a life well-lived awaits.  I am excited to share with you these lovely ladies and their heart felt success stories.

My friend, Lori who has a philosophy of lifelong learning, and a strong desire to be of service made the decision at age 60 to go to university and get her law degree.  Lori will graduate this April as she is called to the bar.  It has been a tough three years of study. Some of the biggest hurdles she overcame had to due with finding housing in different cities. She studied in Toronto, London and in Windsor.  She did love interacting with the young students who were her classmates.  They too loved being with her, as they experienced the love and wisdom, she brought to all their group assignments.  Lori has her teaching degree, and taught and administered in a private school, which she and her ex-husband had started.  She taught in the public school system. She is a licensed wedding officiant, a pastor, and has her real estate license.  

Yes, I admire and am often in awe of her energy, her joie de vie, her incredible faith, and her unwavering friendship.   This September she will be competing in a body building competition.  Lori has overcome life experiences that could have been crippling. Instead, she chooses to draw strength from adversity.  She is strong in body, mind and spirit.  Several years ago, she read and was inspired by Heather McCallion’s book,” Hurricane Hazel, A Life with Purpose”. Heather McCallion lived to age 101, and was the longest serving mayor of Mississauga, Ontario.

Lori often asks me, “What do you want to do with the next 30 years of your life?” “Have you uncovered your purpose?”  Lori motivates me to higher expectations then what I would hold for myself.  I am so grateful for that.  

Our next woman holds her dedication to her family as her north star.  She is devoted to her children and grandchildren. Her artist ability colours all aspects of her life. She is loyal, indefatigable, and generous.  Her dream to own her home has been a part of her for as long as I can remember.  As children she would arrange and re-arrange the furniture in our room. She painted a beautiful mural on the bedroom wall. Her desire to have her own space, where she could be her authentic, artistic, kind, glorious self has been in her conversation forever. 

I don’t know that my sister, Jane even realizes how inspirational, self motivated and passionate she is.  She always finds a way. She has sewn cushions for the chairs she stripped, sanded and varnished. She is an innovator. If something needs to be done, she will find a way to do it.

These past few years she has renovated a trailer, learning new skills like metal turning.  She was one of the first girls to take shop class in high school and won the Industrial Arts award for her projects.  She also chose to pursue a new education and career after age 50.  Last year Jane made the leap to purchase her own condo. Of course, it is getting the Designed by Jane treatment. She has created a sanctuary for herself and her grandchildren to thrive there.  Her dream is coming to fruition, as she and her environment blooms.  I am so excited for her.  Her sense of humour and dogged determination help her overcome the many obstacles she has encountered.  Her “Yes, I can” attitude is infectious.  She brings optimism, light, and enthusiasm to all she encounters.

Many of us has been through trials and tribulations, this woman has had more than her share. 

SevaRam discovered her spiritual path and her spiritual gift as she was searching for ways to deal with post-partum depression.  SevaRam is an inspirational leader.  She teaches meditation, and the importance of stilling the mind to calm the body. She started a group for heart led women entrepreneurs called HeartSpace CoLab so we can share our experiences, our tech finds, our wins and our struggles and learn how to be an online presence. 

She encourages all to persevere even when the road is rough.  She shares her vulnerability.  Her courses and offerings are very well-received. She practices what she preaches.  Her passion for helping others shines through in all she does.  She is a pioneer in what she is doing. A thought leader, who is led by her heart.  She is proof, success is what you make it.

I salute these women who have all defined their version of success.  How sweet it is.

How sweet they are, as they and their dreams bloom, infusing joy and the brightening the lives of all they encounter. 

What dream will you fertilize today, so it will bloom in your future? Your success awaits.

Navigating Life Changes
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Courage

Courage what does that word mean to you?

We live in world which holds images of super heroes in high regard. Science fiction stories or movies with, lots of illustrations of women welding their swords in the air, ready to smite injustice, and stand for righteousness sell out with each new offering.  Wonder Woman, Storm, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Laura Kroft are instantly recognizable. Why is it that the concept of super woman is appealing?  In fact, it has become part of our vernacular: “Being a super-Mom”, “What is your super power?”

Is this superwoman concept something to which we wish to aspire?  These are fictional characters.

They are portrayed with principles or values that may be appealing to us, however.

Strength, loyalty, integrity and courage are values we can strive to incorporate in our lives.

Courage is the capacity to persist despite the fear, suffering, pain or failure.  A courageous person may feel fear; however, they choose to do the thing anyways.  Courage can also be the capacity to think, act or be different than the norm.  In other blogs we have acknowledged that throughout history, the norm has not been the best way.  It is okay to think for yourself. To base your decisions on your own experience and contemplate your actions with faith and discernment takes courage.

If you feel you lack courage, there are ways to exercise it and increase it in your daily life. You may want to encourage your internal lion.

Stretch out of your comfort zone – make one small decision or action towards that which you wish to achieve.  Open your mind so that you are at least able to consider a different way of doing something.   It may be as simple as taking a new way home or as complex as considering a course to lead to a new career.  Be open.

You could choose to have the courage to speak to people about topics that may not be popular. If things need to be changed to improve life, your life and others you care about. It may take a good bit of courage to have those discussions.

Courage to forgive the past, so you can live in the present without the heartache, bitterness or anger , regret or shame.  You are not the same person you were then, that person is gone, so let her go.

Every choice we make may not be the best choice. That’s ok.  Have the courage to choose and if you realize an error or find a better way, then redirect, reset your direction, and have the courage to admit your mistake.  We all make mistakes. We fall, we fail, we get back up {and look around to see if anyone saw us tumble}, we begin again but not from the start.

You have collected experience and wisdom along the way.  The courage to recognize that not all change can be seen immediately.  It takes courage to persevere, to keep going especially when things get tough.  So often when we don’t get immediate returns on our efforts, we give up.  You may try something once, and state that it didn’t work. Any new habit, or lifestyle change takes on average 3 months to take effect and see the results. The results are happening, you just don’t see them yet. Stick with it. Remember life often looks darkest before the dawn. Share with Rose and I what you would like to be courageous in, we will encourage you. Lions stay with their pride and the lioness can be the most courageous in leading her family.

Here’s a wee poem to inspire you to let your inner lion out.

Courage

Courage to say no

Courage to let go

Courage to believe

Courage to succeed

Courage to unwind

Courage to un whine /wine

Courage to address

That which makes us best

Courage to Love with

Unfettered heart

Knowing , having faith

You can always restart.

Navigating Life Changes
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Spring  Renewal and Regrowth

Spring – the words itself invokes visions of light, green growth, shoots of flowers, and plants

peaking up out of the dark earth.  The scent of fresh air, and damp soil. The melodious song of so many different kinds of birds filling the morning with their cacophony of joy.

The warmth of the sun’s rays beckoning us to come outside, shed your jackets, coats, sweaters and boots.  Feel the warm of the sun and a gentle breeze caress your face.

Leave your worries to embrace this new day. This new opportunity for growth, renewal and fresh, creative ideas.   This time for play.  For within play is afforded the space for creativity.

Spending time with children allows us to view the world with their eyes of innocent and wonder.  They don’t concern themselves with the latest election polls, the cost of things or whatever the latest media disaster or distraction is.   They are simply joyful in the moment.

Walk with a child in the woods, or a beach or in a backyard and discover how they act? What bugs attract them, ladybug or beetles? What sounds do they pay attention to?  What thoughts do they share with you?  Listen, and explore this world which holds a natural rhythm that is for our benefit.

Walk with yourself or a friend and let your inner child be refreshed, cherished and listened to.  Yes, give yourself permission to be goofy. To jump in those puddles, to stoop to smell the crocuses, snowdrops, and the glorious scent of the  hyacinths in bloom. This is our season of renewal. What would you like to renew?  What would you like to bring new life to?

A forgotten friendship?  A passion for painting or photography?  A spiritual journey?  Perhaps you want to teach a skill, or learn a new skill?  What would the kid in you like to do? Is this the year you join a softball team?

We can plant seeds in this the springtime of our life.  We can expect new growth and have expectations of harvesting future bounty.  That is called hope.  Hope Springs Eternal.

It is not a coincidence that after a winter of isolation, hibernation and Netflix that we crave a new experience.  Spring and the increase of sunlight in this hemisphere does create a quickening of the blood, a desire for something new, a spring fling mentality.  Go outside. Get some sunshine. Breathe that fresh clean ionized air.  Allow a renewal of your state of mind and spirit.  The season is changing.  You can choose to change with it.

As you put away your boots, and bring out your sandals – can you permit yourself to walk lighter?  Can you put away some of the worries that hold you down? Most of the things we worry about, never come to pass. Release them and renew our minds with light and loving thoughts.  Let that child-like sense of wonder stay with us.  Foster it. Fertilizer the acts of kindness that make our hearts sing like those birds in the morning.

Listen to your inner wisdom, asking the Holy Spirit to guide your thoughts.  What new adventure awaits today?  Who can I call and share this happiness of the season with?

What good trouble can I get into?  Where are those puddles?  

Wishing you a joy filled, adventurous, bouncy Spring.

Blog Posts Navigating Life Changes
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The Summit

As you go along through life’s busy hours, 

Pause now and then just smell the flowers.

If the road gets rough, or the climb gets steep.

Pause and rest a while, perhaps take a wee sleep.

Don’t stop too long.  Do seize the day

For good things will come along the way.

Don’t tarry, or think there’s not good to be found

The good is out there, just look around.

For in moving forward, the scenery changes,

The next opportunity may be o’er those mountain ranges.

Your experience you will always pack along side you.

The courage to move upward, will take you to the next view.

For on this road of life, remember it is true:

Love lifts you up and God will provide.

But only you can git up off your hide.

You got it in you.  Don’t doubt your ability.

Gather your friends and show off your mobility.

You may have to walk, drag your ass through the mud,

You may scrape your knees, just wipe off the blood.

Keep going my friend. The summit is worth it.

The climb makes the conquer of trials so sweet.

When you look from the top, down that trail that you beat,

The boulders, the briars, the swamp, and the heat.

Rejoice, sing out loud, bang your drum, do a dance

You did it!  Kept faith, and look you are thriving!

Now hold out your hand to the next girl in line,

To reassure her that all will be fine.

Blog Posts Healing Practices
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Watch What You Think

Why do we think the way we think? 

What has informed us? One element of being human is that we are consistently seeking new information.  We think that is knowledge.  The news, social media, libraries, the education systems all exist because of our desire to know.  Curiosity is a good thing.

Well, maybe not for cats.

Do we believe things just because we are told that those things are true? How many things throughout history that have been believed to be true are false?  They are so far from being true that in some ways we cannot fathom that people believed them.  For centuries, it was believed that women were less intelligent than men. It was believed that certain cultures or races were less intelligent than the race in power at the time.  It was believed that the earth was the centre of the universe.   These were presented as facts.  Yet these presumed facts are as far from the truth as can be.

History shows us that just thinking something is so, does not make it so.  

You have heard it said that your thoughts create your actions, your actions create your habits, and your habits create your life.   What are those thoughts that are creating your actions?  What is the recording that is playing in the background of our mind?  Where did those thoughts come from?  Are those thoughts true?

 It is worthwhile to examine those thoughts which we hold to be true. Joe Dispenza says to mediate is to become familiar with.  Are we even familiar with the thoughts that percolate though our mind?   As a mother, how often have we said to our children, usually when trying to correct behavior; “Now you sit there, and think about it”. Think about what? Without giving them guidance on how to address an issue or solve a problem, or change their perceived correct response, how can they be expected to think any differently?   Is this not true for ourselves?

In the book, A Course in Miracles, it states in one of the 365  lessons  “All my thoughts are past thoughts”.   Unless we are willing to introduce or imagine a new way of thinking, we are destined to repeat the same thoughts. Fortunately, this book does teach ways of changing our thought patterns.

The mind, the body and the spirit are not separate.  They are intertwined by a constant, cascade of intelligent energy.   There has been much research on how the state of this synchronized and harmonious activity between the heart, brain, and other physiological systems affect the body.  When the heart and brain are in coherence, it can have profound effects on both physical and emotional well-being.  When the heart and the brain are in a state of coherence levels of stress hormones, such a cortisol decrease, and the levels of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine increase.  In other words, I feel good. I can think clearly. I am calm. My mind is creative. I can solve problems.  My relationship with myself and others improves.

This wholeness of heart, mind and spirit is wellness.  This energy informs our cells. It is the energy of life.  To heal is to make whole.  There is no separation of heart, mind or spirit.

Therefore, the thoughts do influence our heart.  And our heart influences our thoughts.

Something to think about.

Emotions Navigating Life Changes
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Death :  End or Beginning?

In the last week of January, Rose’s mother passed into glory, my father-in-law passed away, and Sue’s Dad went to be with the Lord.  And, a dear friend of ours passed suddenly and unexpectedly. A great understanding of death has occurred.  Our version of what death is, is attributed to our perception of what life is.  If you hold the belief of life after death, if you believe you are a spirit in a body, and that the spirit is connected to God eternally, death loses it sting.  Death is not the end. It is the spirit’s return from where it came.  It is the circle completed.  

If one does not have a belief beyond the life of the body, there is nothing else.  Death of a loved one can be such an empty, lonely, pit of despair.  I am witnessing how when one has no belief in the afterlife, in heaven, or in God, how painful the death of a beloved can be.

Faith soothes the hurt.  Yes, of course, we are sad that our loved ones have gone from the earth. Yes, we will miss them.  The comfort of knowing that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, is exactly that, comfort.  This is what I hold onto in times of grief. It strengthens me when I am weak.

Let’s be clear, I still experience all the emotions.  Anger certainly reared its head over the past few weeks.   The song lyrics,” Get your house in order for the coming of the Lord”, keep repeating in my head. Sadness, compassion and empathy have also visited. Joy too, as we remembered the fun that was shared over the years.

There is a responsibility that each of us has to the ones remaining on earth after our passing.

First, I believe it is important that the people you love, know you love them.  Speak IT.  Tell them.

While you are alive. Don’t wait. Why make someone wait for something so important to their mental and emotion wellbeing?  It benefits us all to know that we are loved and lovable.  Three simple words “I love you” while looking in their eyes, make a world of difference to the one receiving and increases the love in the one giving.

Speak clearly to your loved ones. Let them know how important they are to your life. Let them know you are proud of them.  Write a note if you cannot speak the words.  You show love through actions.  That means, follow through with your words.  My father-in-law would bring home made food to us often. That was his love language. He wanted us to sit , eat and have a drink with him, to enjoy life.

Do the work so your financial affairs are set up properly and accurately.  The frustration, stress, and time required to chase down essential forms, and sort through a mess of paperwork is an unnecessary burden for those left grieving.   Wills, Power of Attorney, both for Property and Personal Care are essential legal documents.  Make sure they are current and up to date. and the people who are appointed can perform all the duties the job of Estate Executor requires.

Have your bank accounts, investment accounts, and debts and assets in a file, easily accessible.  When I was a Life Insurance and Financial Advisor, CLU., I would give clients a thick binder with plastic insert pages which would hold their policies and important documents.  It made the transition process streamline for the family.  All vital documents in one place.

There are a great number of government forms to be completed upon death.  The funeral home director or consultant does help with Canadian Pension death benefit, and some other government forms. A lawyer will help to advise on the execution of the Will.  The executor does the work to find the assets, liabilities, properties, get assessments of valuables, and so on. 

A good life insurance agent will assist you in completing policy claims forms and following up with the carrier.   Remember to look for other death benefits, pension death benefits, some credit cards have life insurance portions on them. If death was a result of a car accident, car insurance claims forms need to be completed.   

The final income taxes must be filed.  The estate may be subject to probate which is another tax. It can take a year or more before an estate is probated and able to be dispersed.   

The stress of deadlines to submit claims, forms and taxes, penalties for late submission, and bank tellers who are uncooperative simply add more grief to a person who just wants to remember their Dad, Mom, or beloved. In all of this lots of emotion may surface; some may surprise you.

There are many and varied rituals around death.  These come from our beliefs, our culture, and the accepted practice in your community.  A funeral mass, prayer service, visitation at the funeral home, a wake, a Celebration of Life are for the family and friends as much as for the deceased. Some Indigenous tribes in Canada offer tobacco or other plant medicines to ease the transfer to the spirit world.  In the Hindu culture the spirit is reborn on earth.  Filipino and Chinese and Jamaican customs hold the 9th day ceremony when the spirit goes to into the spirit world. In Mexico death is so integrated with life, many festivals revolve around the ancestors who have gone before into the afterlife.  There are so many traditions and rituals I cannot name them all here.  The line that connects us is that the Spirit is acknowledged, honoured and celebrated.   Today many people are choosing their own method of acknowledging a life and grieving a loss of life.

My friend, Robin’s Celebration of Life was the most loving, joyful, kind, peaceful and inspiring event I have attended, ever.   Robin touched so many lives with his loving kindness, and spirit of joy, and humour.  Robin was a healer who lived to inspire us to be our best, most humble selves.  Friends and relations at his Celebration, sang songs written for him and his young daughter, they played guitars, read poems, shared stories, and yes, we danced, as Robin loved to dance.  We even had a laughing Budda yoga moment.  Yes, there were a few tears, tears are healing too. We hugged one another and felt the love that was very present in that room.  I believed we all left feeling connected to each other and inspired to do more good works with our time here on earth.   Thank you to Robin’s family for giving us this opportunity. It, like Robin, made an impact on our lives.

In the weeks and months that follow the death of a loved one, it is important to be aware of your own well being.  Forgive the mistakes, yours and theirs. Don’t harbour bitterness, it hurts you on a cellular level. It takes time to do this kind of healing. Grief wears many faces. Be conscious of what you are feeling. Acknowledge it.  This past week an immense fatigue has come upon my husband and I. Rose too is exhausted as she has been balancing her Mom’s illness, and her own responsibilities.  We have been dealing with hospitals, caring for the other family members, managing all the necessary pieces required to keep the physical, emotional and financial wheels on the cart for everyone.  This juggling has been going on for a long time.  We are tired.  We are not sure what the future will hold but I do believe through it all God holds us.

Vati, we love you and will miss you.  Mom, Rose knows you are with God, she is grateful for all you taught her.  Sue, you know how your Daddy shaped so many lives with his life’s mission, yours included. Robin we will remember you in the dance.

  Love heals all.   God is love and anyone who lives in love lives in God, and God lives in him.  1 John 16

Navigating Life Changes
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Coping With Chaos: A Guide for Wounded Women

How many times in the past few years have you wished you could unplug from the chaos surrounding you?

I remember thinking that I just wanted to get off the merry-go-round. I could not get a grip, a hold on anything. And I doubted everything.

When my wasband was having an affair, I knew it deep in my soul. Even though I knew it, I could not prove it. With no proof, I convinced myself that I was imagining it. But there was that niggling deep down that something was very wrong.

The thoughts that spun around in my mind were chaotic. I suffered. I suffered because I did not know what to believe, including myself. The questions assaulted me day and night. The how’s, the who’s, the what’s, the why’s. Even the question of “What did I do to cause this?”

The chaos leaked over from my mind into my life. At one point I felt completely immobilized. Then, the proof began to rise to the surface. I felt vindicated by the proof, but it did not quiet the chaos. A whole new onslaught of “stinking thinking” took over. I wanted off the merry-go-round and I wanted off NOW!

Chaos refers to a state of disorder, confusion, or unpredictability. It manifests in various forms, disrupting your sense of order and the stability that we look for.

For wounded women, emotional chaos is a prevalent aspect of our lives. This impact of trauma leads to a wide range of intense feelings such as fear, anxiety, anger, and deep sadness. These emotions can surface unexpectedly, contributing to our sense of internal turmoil.

Chaos can be triggered by unexpected events or reminders of past trauma. The unpredictable nature of these triggers adds an element of instability, making it challenging for you to predict and manage your emotional responses.

Chaos extends to all our relationships, with trust issues, difficulties in forming connections, and challenges in keeping healthy boundaries. The aftermath of trauma can affect the way wounded women engage with others, leading to interpersonal struggles and a sense of uncertainty in our social circles.

Wounded women grapple with the unknown, fearing what might come next. We have spent a lot of time trying to control the daily events of our lives, always predicting the worst-case scenario and planning what we would do when the bomb exploded. This uncertainty can further contribute to a sense of chaos in our lives, even when we are removed from the cause of our trauma. Do you feel unable to anticipate or control the challenges ahead?

Trauma shakes the foundations of our identity, leading to a profound loss of self. As wounded women we experience the sense of disconnection from who we once were, contributing to a state of existential chaos as we question our purpose, our values, and our place in the world.

Chaos is often cyclical, with one challenge leading to another. We may find ourselves caught in a loop of difficulties, each compounding the other. Breaking this cycle becomes crucial for restoring a sense of order and control.

Understanding the multifaceted nature of chaos is a crucial step in addressing and navigating the impact on our lives. By acknowledging and dissecting the different dimensions of chaos, we can begin to develop strategies for coping, healing, and reclaiming a sense of stability and purpose.

Within the chaos, there is the potential for healing and growth. The journey towards recovery involves navigating the complexities of trauma, facing challenges, and transforming pain into resilience. This dual nature highlights the absurd coexistence of chaos and potential renewal.

Acknowledging and harnessing this potential can empower you on your journey toward recovery. Let’s explore the ways which healing and growth can emerge amid chaos.

Imagine if you could build resilience as the cornerstone of your healing.

Chaos often unveils the natural resilience and strength within individuals. In navigating the complexities of our experiences, we discover an inner determination that allows us to face adversity head-on. This resilience becomes a cornerstone for our healing.

Each challenge inside the chaos offers us an opportunity to learn and grow. As we face difficulties we get new insights, skills, and perspectives. These lessons contribute to our personal development and resilience.

Think of a time when you said no when you usually would have said yes or maybe would have said nothing at all. These times showed you that the world did not fall apart when you took control of your thoughts, values and notions and stood up for yourself. This recognition shows you that you are strong.

How many times did you keep getting up and keep going, after hardship and misfortune? This shows that you are resilient.

The chaos following trauma prompts a deep exploration of our identity. Through introspection and self-discovery, we have the opportunity to redefine who we are. We get to shed old stories and embrace a more authentic sense of who we are. This process is fundamental to the healing journey.

The chaos of trauma often prompts existential questions. When we seek meaning and purpose, we embark on a journey of profound self-reflection. This quest for significance contributes to a sense of direction and clarity, fostering a deeper understanding of our life’s purpose.

Overcoming chaos nurtures a sense of empowerment. As we navigate and conquer challenges, we gain a newfound belief in our ability to overcome adversity. This empowerment becomes a catalyst for further growth.

Nothing causes the development of coping mechanisms more than chaos. In our quest for stability, we often discover healthy coping strategies. Strategies such as a mindfulness practice, creative outlets, or therapeutic interventions. These tools become essential for managing the impact of chaos.

Chaos tends to pull us into the hullabaloo of past traumas or anxieties about an uncertain future. Through mindfulness practices, wounded women can cultivate an awareness of the present moment. The benefit of mindfulness is the reduction of overwhelming emotions and the fostering of a sense of calm amid the chaos.

Healing is often helped through connections with others who understand and empathize. As wounded women we can find solace in support networks— with fellow survivors, friends, and family. Building and nurturing these connections becomes a source of emotional sustenance and shared strength.

Seeking professional help, with a focus on your outcome rather than a reminder of your past, can be a transformative step toward healing. Therapists provide guidance, tools, and a safe space for processing trauma, fostering growth, and facilitating the integration of coping mechanisms.

Chaos often involves significant change. Embracing change as a catalyst for personal transformation allows women to reshape their stories. This adaptability becomes a powerful force for positive change.

The potential for healing and growth during chaos lies in the resilience, self-discovery, empowerment, and connections that emerge through the journey of overcoming trauma. By recognizing and nurturing these aspects, wounded women can navigate the complexities of their experiences and move towards a future marked by strength, purpose, and renewed well-being. We believe that when a woman heals, the world is healed, one woman at a time.

Navigating Life Changes
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Easy Ain’t Easy

I discovered a truth recently. Life is not easy. In fact, often the easy path, the less disciplined way brings us more pain in the long run.  What appears easy can hurt more than the actions which are difficult at first.   I have felt this firsthand as I let lapse the fitness program to which I had committed to over a decade.  My flexibility, strength and balance started to be noticeably impaired. My sleep pattern was getting wonky.  My biceps that I had been know for at the gym, started to wither, and wag. I started to believe that perhaps this was what being in the next decade of life brought.  I was certainly starting to buy into that thought. SO, that needed changing fast.  What was I doing differently now from what I had done when I felt fit, and fabulous? What habit had I adapted, and what habit had I abandoned?

True disclosure, since 2020 when the shutdown down occurred, and re-occurred and yes occurred once more just for security reasons, I shut down.  I shut down my social life.  I shut down my physical activity at the gym.  I did run occasionally outside.  I shut down our travel life which was a vital part of my husband’s and my joy of life.   I lost dear friends as they passed, from the planet. Some without any ceremony or celebration to mark their lives. My business was forced to shut down by government regulations, with the added fear of penalty if we were to continue serving our clients in person. Thank God, that Purebioenergy Healing Therapy can be done by distance, allowing me to be of service to people, as it was so desperately needed.  Many people benefitted from that service, me included. 

A new habit of sitting on the couch and watching Trevor Noah and Samantha Bee was created.  A habit which has served its purpose and must now be stopped. Heck, even Trevor Noah has moved on to new things.  You would think that it would be easy.  Just get moving.  I know I need to do this.  I am willing to be willing to change.  Just overcome the inertia.   Choose it and do it.   I had to choose the harder path, the disciplined path.

Here are three examples of how choosing the tougher path, which often is the path less travelled is better for us.  It takes mental discipline.  That old blues song “Easy ain’t easy” is true.  

Physical activity is essential to our strength, mood, and our flexibility in thought and action.

Upon starting or restarting an exercise program, the movements appear difficult. The first set always hurts the most, the second set the muscles are warming up. By the third set, the mind has stopped resisting the change and accepts that it can do the motion.  The muscles fire and the blood courses though the veins, speeding up our breathing, our sweating, and possibly our swearing.  Yet in that moment, I feel good. I did it!  I now know I can. Thus, I not only increase the muscle fiber, as important if not more so, is that I have created the brain belief that I can do this. I wanted to quit at 6 reps but with encouragement from my trainer I did the full 10.  When we have someone to encourage us as we struggle with the difficult bits, we can overcome our desire to quit.  

The next part is the repeat.  Marcus Aurelius tells us, the mind is honed like steel through repetition and practice.  One push up a month will not create a strong physic.  But 10 a week, then 100 a week, then 10 push ups a day for a year will change our physical and our mental outlook.  A strong body does create a strong mind.  Why do people age into frailty? Is it because they stop doing the activity to the degree of discipline they had as a young person?  Is it because they are told they are old? If we didn’t know what age we were, how would we act? In Bali where they have the highest number of elderly fit people in the world, people work, live and are active members of society until they die.  There is a dance teacher who is 83 years old. She says the smiles of the younger students fill her with joy, and she likes dancing for and with them.  Asked if she will retire, she replies Why?  She has danced almost every day of her life since she was 4.  This is a common practice in Bali. Do the difficult thing until it becomes easy to do, then keep doing it. Celebrate and do it again.

Repetition. Any new skills, be it computer skills, learning a new language, a music or art hobby requires repetition and practice.  If you want to change how you think, and how you act, there must be an element of repetition.

When you are making a change to improve your life, you must act. My mentor often says to me, stop thinking, just do.  We can get stuck in the thinking. We can become like stagnant pond water. Thinking the same thoughts over and over, reaffirms those thoughts even when the thoughts are detrimental to our wellbeing.

Action creates the opportunity to bring in oxygen. Oxygen brings life to the pond, and life to us.  Sitting on the couch for extended periods of time harms us, physically, mentally, and socially.  I would add spiritually as well because we are designed to be with other humans.  I can attest to the damage it created, as even my confidence had eroded.

The first action can and probably will be difficult.  Do it despite the difficulty.  Choose to be courageous. A stagnant mind wants to remain stagnant. The belief is that staying the same is easier.  Easier, but at what cost?  The long-term pain offsets the short-term gain. This is truth in so many aspects of our life.

A delayed tax filing creates financial pain in terms of fees, penalties, and interest charges.

A delayed commitment to eating healthy, pure natural food harms the body. The intestines, the metabolic rate, our mental outlook, emotional wellbeing are all connected. “Let your food be your medicine and your medicine be your food.”  This Hippocrates statement can be applied to many levels of well being.

When we eat fast, as opposed to eating fresh, we are losing the opportunity to heal, nourish, and replenish our cells, resulting in the long-term increase of the waistline and the glymphatic waste line, and an increase in blood pressure.  The wallet can suffer too.  Planning and executing a meal program is a discipline that rewards us in so many ways. Your creativity, sense of accomplishment, energy level and enthusiasm are some of the rewards from that one decision.

It takes a brave man to admit he was wrong. The longer it takes to admit our responsibility in relational disputes, to apologize, and to find a peaceful co-existence, the deeper the damage to both self, and the other.  It is the tougher path to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness.  Yet, in doing so, we free ourselves, and the other person, and all the other collateral relationships. Holding on to hurt, and not forgiving also damages us on a cellular level.

Building friendships is a commitment of time, attention and communication. An active social life with meaningful social connections is promoted as one of the secrets to aging well.  Having a group of people who get you, and with whom you can be your authentic self builds your confidence.  Your attention to your friends’ needs, conversations, and shared experiences builds their self-worth. Love your neighbour as yourself and you both win. This too is a disciplined behavior.  It takes effort.  It is easier to turn on the TV and zone out, especially in the winter.  Invite your friends over, have a healthy meal and hearty laugh.

An unexamined life is not worth living, but a good life, is to be chiefly valued. This quote by Socrates behooves us to pause, reflect and correct the habits, thoughts, and actions that would lead to pain for others and ourselves.

As I soak in some Epsom salts to relieve the DOMS, Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness, I am grateful to Heidi for the workouts which will re-establish my muscle mass.

I am grateful to Rose for pushing me to not procrastinate on publishing this article. I am grateful for my husband who is making me a healthy meal, and doing the dishes so that we wake up to a clean kitchen each morning.

I will write my journal. I will remember the poem: “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg says, “Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.”   

Take that step, especially if it is hard, and repeat it. One foot in front of the other.  Your path awaits. 

One of my favorite poems is by Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

The took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though, as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way.
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh,
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in wood, and I –
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Personal Growth
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Eyes on Healing: How Concentrated Focus Ignites the Path to Recovery

I have been having recurring thoughts on the subject of focus. It keeps coming up, multiple times a day. At first, I didn’t pay much attention, however, it kept coming up. I started paying attention. As a result, I have been doing some research on the subject of focus and the role it plays in the healing process. Each year I choose one word, one aspect of my own healing process to focus on. Because of the recurring thoughts and my research, this year my word is FOCUS.

I left my first marriage after years of physical, mental, and emotional abuse. Those first few years were very difficult. I spent a lot of time focusing on the injustices, the abuse against me, my fears, and the pain of my emotions. Every time I focused on the abuse and the battles, I suffered. I spent a lot of years suffering. I spent a lot of years confused and lost. I was one of the walking wounded.

It wasn’t until I began to focus on myself, discovering my strengths, desires and dreams that I stopped suffering. I began to live, all because my focus had changed.

Tony Robbins and other thought leaders often quote, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” We can all find the bad things in life; however, we can also find the good. We get to choose what we focus on. Do you want to focus on all that happened to you or do you want to focus on learning to thrive in spite of the trauma you’ve experienced?  We all have the ability to live a happy life. Focusing on what is good about you is a valuable place to start.

Elliott Connie, author of “The Solution Focused Brief Therapy Diamond” says that when a client focuses on the problem, the trauma, or the reason they reached out to him, they continue to suffer. There is no value in continuing to suffer. There is value in focusing on your best outcome, not a goal, but the outcome. What difference will your outcome make to your life?

Trauma often disrupts a person’s mental and emotional well-being, leading to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and a scattered mind. Focus, in the context of trauma healing is the intentional and concentrated attention directed towards the process of recovery. Focus involves mindfulness, defining your ideal outcomes, and the active reduction of distractions to create a conducive environment for healing.

Focus involves recognizing and nurturing the connection between the mind and body. Focus is about acknowledging the physical and emotional aspects of trauma and directing attention to activities or practices that promote holistic healing.

Distractions often hinder the healing process. We can become experts on personal distraction. Focusing on trauma healing means actively working to reduce and manage external and internal distractions. Any distraction can derail progress. A new relationship can derail your healing in a very big way. Focus also means maintaining a sense of presence and awareness even when facing challenges or triggers. It’s the ability to navigate difficult moments with a clear and intentional mindset.

Setting clear intentions is a key component of focus in trauma healing. This involves visualizing the desired outcome of the healing process and actively working towards that vision.

There is a definite mind-body connection connected to trauma. Focused attention on the mind-body connection is crucial to the healing process. Mindfulness practices are linked to reduced stress levels. When you concentrate on the present moment, it helps alleviate the physical and psychological impacts of stress, promoting a sense of calm. Focused attention fosters a strong mind-body connection. This connection empowers you to actively take part in your healing process, recognizing the interplay between emotional experiences and physical sensations.

Focused attention allows you to see and understand your emotions without judgment. Self-awareness is a key part of emotional regulation. Self-awareness enables you to respond to your feelings in a more controlled and constructive manner. You gain control over your emotions once again. What felt out of control is now manageable. Awareness is the key.

Focused attention encourages self-compassion by allowing you to approach your thoughts and emotions with kindness and understanding. This shift in perspective contributes to a more positive and nurturing relationship with yourself. The regular practice of focused attention techniques contributes to the development of resilience. Resilience equips you with tools to navigate challenges, bounce back from adversity, and cultivate a positive outlook on your healing journey. With focused attention your emotional well-being improves.  Emotional well-being can positively affect your social interactions. You may find yourself better equipped to connect with others, express your needs, and build supportive relationships.

Trauma often disrupts sleep patterns. Focused attention, especially in relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation, contribute to improved sleep quality. Healing techniques such as Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy, that heal the body, mind and emotions are excellent therapies for better sleep patterns. Better sleep supports overall physical and emotional well-being. You can connect with Judy Johnston to book your Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy session.

Have you tried mindful breathing? Let us take one minute to engage in a mindful breathing exercise. When you do a mindful breathing exercise throughout your day you are focusing your attention on one thing. This calms your nervous system, any anxiety or angst, and teaches you how to focus on one thing and only one thing. I am providing a one-minute video with beautiful music to get you started.

WATCH AND LISTEN

Another mindfulness exercise you can do is a body scan meditation. In a body scan meditation, you pay attention to each part of your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head. Notice any sensations without judgment. This practice enhances body awareness and can help release tension. This is a 5-minute body scan meditation for you to try.

LAY DOWN AND LISTEN

If you like to walk, try mindful walking. Pay attention to the sensation of each step, the movement of your body, and the surrounding environment. Walking mindfully can help anchor you in the present moment. One of my loves is to mindfully walk through the bush, taking in the smells, the sights, the sounds, the feeling of the earth beneath my feet and the fresh air. Bookmark this meditation or download it to your phone, put on a pair of headphones and your comfortable walking shoes and head outside for a walk.

WALK AND LISTEN

Incorporate mindful movement practices into your routine. Activities like yoga, Tai Chi, or Qigong combine physical movement with breath awareness, promoting relaxation and flexibility.

YOGA FOR ANXIETY AND STRESS

TAI CHI

QIGONG

Cultivate a daily gratitude practice. Take a few moments each day to reflect on things you are grateful for. This practice shifts your focus towards the positive aspects of life, fostering a sense of appreciation. Journaling gratitude with a mindful approach involves seeing your day, your thoughts, and your emotions without judgment. Write down what you are grateful for. Take it a step further and write about your daily experiences, any aspirations you may have, and insights gained during the healing journey.

Be mindful and intentional about your use of technology. Take breaks from screens. Practice digital detoxification. Be mindful of the content you consume. Resist the urge to scroll mindlessly. At night, keep your phone in another room. If you use your phone as your alarm, set your phone on the other side of the room, out of reach or in the bathroom. Set the volume louder. You will hear it. You also have to get up to turn it off. Mindful technology use supports a healthier relationship with the digital world.

Remember that consistency is key when incorporating mindfulness practices into daily life. Start with small steps, gradually increasing the duration and variety of practices as they become integrated into your routine. The goal is to make mindfulness a natural part of your day, supplying ongoing support for your healing journey. These are just a few methods of mindfulness practices. Pick one to start. If you don’t like it move on to something else. This is your mindful practice. Make it as unique and beautiful as you are.

Focused healing requires concentrating on specific outcomes related to your recovery. This could involve setting intentions, naming areas that need attention, and working towards achieving milestones in your healing journey. This could include visualizing the life you want to have. Write down your dreams and desires. Do not judge what you write down. Do not try to figure out how you will achieve your dreams and desires. This practice is to develop your sense of self and open your heart up to possibilities. Keep your dreams and desires to yourself – at least for now. You do not want others to poop on your ideas. This is your healing journey. No one has any input into this journey but you. Judy and I are here to give you ideas and options. You decide how you want your healing journey to evolve.

In the tapestry of trauma healing, focus emerges as the guiding thread, weaving through the intricate patterns of recovery. Like a steady compass, intentional attention directs you towards the core of their healing journey, illuminating the path with clarity and purpose.

In the realm of mindfulness, the power of focused awareness becomes a transformative force, untangling the knots of emotional turmoil and grounding the mind in the present moment. Through practices that nurture this focus—be it mindful breathing, body scan meditations, or the intentional cultivation of gratitude—you not only control your healing but you also forge a profound connection between the realms of the physical and the emotional. With each deliberate breath, every step taken mindfully, and the conscious choice to navigate distractions, the importance of focus manifests as a catalyst for resilience and self-discovery. It is in this focused embrace of the present that the healing journey transcends mere recovery, evolving into a profound awakening where you confidently rediscover your essence and reclaim ownership of your narrative.

Navigating Life Changes
Featured

The Perfect Gift

This is traditionally the season of giving. In the world in which we live, there can be an external pressure to perceive that giving must have a financial cost to it. The idea of the bigger the better is really promoted at this time of year.

I remember when I was in the financial planning industry, sitting with clients who had repeatedly accumulated debt every holiday season. In an attempt to provide the perfect holiday, and the perfect gifts they exceeded their means.  The cost of the debt, which compounded with interest, increased exponentially causing a huge amount of stress on the families. The interest on credit cards, or even lines of credit add up quickly to a great deal of money. An expenditure which brings us no value. Parents worked extra hours, took on secondary incomes, which increased their stress levels, resulting in time away from their families, and feeling exhausted and grouchy when they were with their family. No time left for friends or enjoying the moment. Stress takes a physical toll on our bodies, minds, emotions, and energy.

Ironically, kids don’t really remember that trending toy – that eventually and inevitably gets relegated to the back of the closet.  I recently had a conversation with our 25-year-old son, and what he remembered was the year we had a sleigh ride with real horses and our friend Gail’s, German shepherd dog named Bear who kept our feet warm by sitting on us. That was a great day.

The best gift you can give is the gift of you. Your time, your talent, your attention, your love, your presence. To be fully present, put your phone down and lift your face up. We connect with each other though sight, sound, and touch. And smell, the limbic part of the brain is directly connected to the olfactory glands of the nose. The limbic system is a group of structures in the brain that governs emotions, motivation, olfaction, and behavior. It is also involved in the formation of long-term memory.

This is why certain scents can trigger memories. What scent do you affiliate with the holidays?

Here are some ideas on how you can create a holiday memory that will give significant receiver appreciation, without sending your bank account into receivership.

Think Outside the Box

We often overlook the gifts we have to offer. What skill do you possess that can benefit another person?

Giving a few lessons in what you love to do can impact another person in such a significant way. Can you play the guitar? The piano or drums? What about showing your teenager how to prepare a meal from scratch? One on one time with them and no other siblings. Play music, theirs, and yours while you are cooking up some jambalaya in the kitchen.

Baking, music making, craft time, woodworking, soap making, crocheting, sewing, knitting, stained glass, coin collecting, painting both for art and a room. The list is endless. These are all activities that you can do together, where the beneficiary of the activity reaps dividends. They get time with you, building relationships, learn a new skill which they can continue to use or even teach to someone else.

Take a course together. Find a workshop that interests you both.

Exercise with your loved one. The month my daughter and I did a remote yoga class together was fantastic.

Do a charitable activity together. Gift wrapping at the mall, food delivery, so many charities need help.

As the interest in whole foods increases, showing a loved one the art of gardening brings edible rewards from May to November. The thrill of tasting that first crunchy sweet carrot planted from seed, watered, tilled, then harvested, and washed under the hose is amazing.

Many grandparents are choosing to take the grandchildren on an outing or an experience instead of a under the tree type gift. Rose taught her grandchildren to ski. One at a time.

She also took the 4 of them to an indoor water park. Giving a child-free weekend to her kids, while having a fabulous fun whale of a time with the little ones.

This idea of gifting time and talent can flow up hill as well. Most kids today are experts on their computers and their phones. Those skills are now needed by the grandparents as almost everything is done on-line now. An hour or two of computer lessons will add more value to grannie’s life than another cardigan.

Time outside is essential too. Walk in nature, go see the Lights, play in the snow, or on the beach depending on where you live. Play outdoor games with each other. My neighbour organized a circuit training course for her two boys so they can exercise together, while apart. Physical activity burns off tension and anxiety. It creates laughter so moods improve, and everyone gets along better when they are in the groove.

Learn to give a great massage. Hand massages are so appreciated by people who spend hours on the keyboard. Foot/ reflexology massages relax the whole body, improve sleep, reduce stress and most people love them. Couple it with a custom aromatherapy blend and the experience is sheer bliss. FYI, I can teach you this.

If you know a tradesman and your mom needs a new kitchen cabinet, can you trade skills such as an hour or two organizing for some cabinet making? Think creatively.

Granted some of these ideas may be a bit late for this season. But an idea shared is never lost. It increases in the sharing.

Let’s look at Value. Time with a loved one is the most valuable thing. Period. Often, we don’t recognize this until our loved one is gone. I wish I could bake one more pie with my Mom or learn to be a better photographer or listen to my Dad play the harmonica. Time goes by quickly. We do not know how much time we get. Use your time wisely.

The pride of accomplishment, the life skill learned, the time together, the laughter, the love and that joy, unending joy is in the gift. Give the gift of you. It is the perfect gift.

Navigating Life Changes
Featured

Commitment Conundrum

What does commitment mean to you?  Is it a contract or a promise of intention?

Is it a rigid obligation of mind over matter? Can we think ourselves into being committed to an action? 

As I write this, I am struggling with commitment.  There are things I know I need to do to achieve the goals and objectives that I have set for myself.  I know structure and time management are important elements for achieving worldly objectives.  Lately though, I am just so damn tired.  The simplest things loom like giant unattainable, unscalable rock cliffs.  I don’t have the energy to pull myself out of the pit.  Fuuuddgge, as Ralphy from A Christmas Story would say. The lack of sunlight does take a toll on me, and thousands of others.  Women are 9X more at risk than men for Seasonal Affective Disorder. Fifteen percent of Canadians report a least a mild case of SAD within their lifetime. Two to 3 percent report a serious case within their lifetime, according to Alive Magazine Dec 2023.

When I was young, I was labelled as hyper-active.  Man, what I wouldn’t do to get some of that active back.  People who have experienced acute, and chronic stress often can have physical, emotional and mental ailments which may present as: Muscle pain, insomnia, fatigue, irritability, indecisiveness, apathy, loss of joy in activities that they used to enjoy. Sighing, not feeling energetic enough to exercise, or socialize.  Just Meh. When cortisol levels become too high in the body inflammation, increased pain, blood pressure increases and other stress related health conditions can result.

So what does this have to do with commitment?

When one is in a state of overwhelm, it is hard to commit to anything.  That feeling of overwhelm is part of a stress response. Today I want to encourage you to make a commitment to yourself.

I will do it as well.  Often we know what to do, it is the doing it that is the hard part.  First, let’s stop beating ourselves up .

Today is a new day.  Thank God that we get a new day, a new start, a new season. While we are still breathing, let’s find a reason to be joyful for a season.

Before one can commit to something, we must have a belief that the result will be worth the effort.  Faith comes first.   The thought precedes the action.  “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right.” 1   The choice is ours.

Dr. J. Patterson tells a story of creating structure to help to overcome chaos of mind by organizing our environment. “Clean your room” was a catch phrase of his. He does inform us however, that for some people in a high state of overwhelm, they can’t clean their room.  It is too much to ask of them.  It would feel like asking a toddler to run a marathon.   Start smaller.  Open a drawer that you would like to organize, and think about how you would organize it.  You don’t even need to organize it that day.  Just create the mental space for the feeling of calm that being organized creates.

Be Kind to yourself.  Be compassionate with yourself.  Commit to one thing.

Just do one simple thing.  It can be something to aid your physical wellbeing.  Make a protein shake, or a green smoothie. 

Walk outside in nature. Live in a city? Where is your nearest park?   Ask a friend to come with you.  Movement works on many levels. It causes us to breathe deeper thus increasing the oxygen level in our blood, and sends serotonin to our brain.  When we use our muscles, our mood improves, our blood glucose levels balance, and our cardiovascular gets a nice boost of nitric oxide which not only has analgesic effect but also reduces blood pressure.  Movement is essential to balance hormones. Our lymphatic system which brings in nutrients and takes away waste and toxins needs movement to work.  It has no pump.  You got to move it, move it.   Dance is movement.  Skipping, running up and down the stairs, playing with the dog or kids.  Join a sports team, as a novice or a pro.  Ski, swim, skate .  Start with simple daily activity.  Balance on one leg, while you balance your budget.   Do squats while your brush your teeth. Do calve raises as you wash the dishes.  Hot/Cold therapy is also great for the lymph system.  Finish your shower with a cold rinse, starting from your toes, go up the whole body to your head. Your skin will glow, and your age won’t show.

Vitamin D is crucial to our well-being.  Most people in the northern hemisphere are deficient in Vit D.  It is required for bone health, immune system support,  mood regulation, muscle function, heart health , weight management, cell growth and differentiation, inflammation regulation and hormone regulation.  Yup, it is a biggie. The sunshine vitamin lights up our life.   Add your C’s, B’s and  A’s, and some zinc to help you think.   Eat with colour, savour the flavour of health.

Isolation contributes to depression, and anxiety and feeling listless.  Why are we punishing ourselves?  We are designed to be in community.  We are not meant to be alone. A burden shared is a burden halved. I really struggle with this. I forget to ask for help. To call my friends, and say hey, I was just thinking about you.  How are you?  When we are alone for long periods of time, we also may ruminate on that which we don’t like or don’t want. When we are with other people, don’t we ultimately end up laughing?

Comparison is another habit which is detrimental to our mental health. Scrolling through social media has an addictive quality to it.   It also takes time away from activities which may be more beneficial to us. You are blessed with gifts, talents, and a divine personality that is your own.   Let’s train our brain to be fully present and mindful with the people around us.  We can use mindfulness with our tasks and chores.  I have found music helps me lift my mood when I just got to get ‘er done.   Especially when I don’t really want to do, what needs doing. 

Reward yourself along the way.   What matters to you? What do you love?  Who do you love? Reward yourself with time with that person. Or time with your favorite book.  Or a bath with essential oils and Epsom salts. Funny how, a bath is now considered a reward.  Or time to do nothing.  Day dream.  Just be.

Give yourself the gift of Purebioenergy Healing Therapy.  Allow yourself to commit to your healing and your vibrant well-being.  The benefits of Purebioenergy Healing Therapy are exponential.  When our stresses decrease, our relationship with ourselves and with others improves.

Let’s choose to commit to a better me.   In so doing, we will create a Better We.

Healing Practices
Featured

“From Shadows to Strength: A Guide to Self-Focus and Healing After Trauma”

Many women who have experienced trauma find it tough to focus on themselves. Trauma can often lead to a heightened sense of hyper-vigilance, where you are constantly accustomed to scanning for potential threats. This makes it difficult to turn your attention inward and prioritize self-care.

In the aftermath of trauma, you also struggle with feelings of guilt or shame, which further impede your ability to focus on yourself. The journey to healing often involves breaking down these barriers and nurturing a sense of self-worth and self-compassion.

Given how much of your energy was consumed serving the needs of others and protecting yourself and your loved ones, do you find the act of self-focus is a selfish effort?

Allow me to put this into perspective.  Self-focus is not selfish. Self-focus is a crucial aspect of healing. Acknowledging and meeting your own needs is essential for recovery. Self-focus is not only a right but a responsibility, especially in the context of trauma recovery.

I had a difficult time allowing myself to focus on anything other than my children after I was able to exit the difficult life in my first marriage. I shifted focus from walking on eggshells with my alcoholic husband to overprotecting my children and making sure they were functioning and had everything they needed. There was no time or room to focus on me. I was too exhausted emotionally, and physically. There came a day of reckoning. I was alone for the first time since leaving the marriage. I had no idea what to do with the time I had. My mind went crazy. I had crazy thoughts. I felt like a caged animal. I had thoughts that I could not make it on my own. I had thoughts that I should go back. I became scared and restless.

So, I did what any crazy woman would do and I sat down. I breathed deeply and considered the thoughts going through my head. Why would I go back into a situation where my life was threatened? What was there that was so important that I did not feel I could make it on my own? As my mother would say, “I had a good talk with myself.” I realized that if I was going to be a good mom, I needed to provide for my children. I could not do that if I went back to the situation where we were not safe.  I could not do that if I didn’t discover who I was. I needed a job with a steady income. I made a plan that day. Within a week I had a job. Shortly after that I started seeing a counsellor. I began a journey of self-discovery.

Through the years I still struggle at times with self-focus. Self-focus appears to be more selfish than self-discovery to me. I continue to learn and allow myself to focus on myself. When I take time for myself, I do the things I want to do. If that is nothing, then I do nothing. Nothing also serves a purpose. It allows for rest. I have not always made good choices but I have learned a lot of lessons. There have been setbacks. There have been times when I abandoned my journey. There have been times when I became obsessed with my journey. I have realized over the years that I have nothing to give anyone if I don’t know who I am and what I like and do not like. This knowing is a result of self-focus. The journey continues to this day.

It is absolutely necessary that you consider making self-focus a priority in your life. If there is one thing that can assist you in coming to the place where your trauma does not rule your life, self-focus is the key.  This is a really strong statement. But I believe it with all of my heart.

If making this decision seems too scary or you find yourself wanting to run for the door please stop. Stop and consider one way you can put the focus back on you. Was there a time in your life where you were confident and happy? Think about how you felt then. Would you like to feel that way again? There is a way to get to a good place in your life, a place where you like yourself again, even love yourself again.

Let us dig into a few ways you can begin your journey into self-focus. I am going to give you options in the following list. You do not have to take on all of the opportunities. Choose one. Only one. Try it out for 14 days. If you find yourself not following through with a 14-day discovery, it is possible the one you chose does not resonate with you. Choose another one.

Keep choosing until you find something you can stick with for 14 days. Sticking to something means you are not making excuses for not doing it. Do not justify or lie to yourself for not doing it. Be honest. I cannot stress the importance of consistency enough, as you focus on yourself. Commit to 14 days. You are worth it.

None of these options takes a long time to execute. Some are 10 minutes or less. Some are more of an awareness.

Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques

a. Practice deep breathing exercises to promote relaxation and grounding. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbDoBzGY3vo This is a 5-minute mindful breathing exercise.

b. Mindfulness meditation helps you stay present in the moment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssss7V1_eyA This a 5-minute mindful meditation practice.

Self-Compassion Practices

a. Write yourself a kind and understanding letter. Acknowledge your struggles, then write down what you have learned about yourself through the struggle. How strong are you? Have you been able to ask for help? Extend understanding and love yourself in this letter.

b. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding as you would a close friend. You are deserving of this kindness and understanding.

Setting and Communicating Boundaries

a. Recognize that setting boundaries in relationships is healthy. Consider the book, Boundaries Where You End and I Begin: How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries

b. Think about and decided what boundaries you need so you can indulge in self-focus.

c. Practice giving clear communication when expressing your needs and boundaries.

d. Practice saying NO. No is a full sentence. You do not have to justify your NO to anyone – at any time – for any reason.

Journal for Self-Reflection Write about positive experiences, personal strengths, and moments of self-discovery.

Engage in Creative Outlets Creative expressions like art, writing, or music are a means of self-discovery and emotional release. While engaging in these activities you are able to transcend your hurts and worries and immerse yourself in beauty.

Establish a Self-Care Routine

a. Consider warm baths or showers to relax your body.

b. Use aromatherapy or scented candles to create a calming atmosphere.

c. Consider a digital detox. Schedule a period of time with no technology to reduce information overload.

d. Limit your social media. Consider checking social media only at specific times of day.

e. Exercise – even if it is just a walk at lunch time.

f. Get outside. Raise your face to the sun. No sun? Raise your face to the sky. Breathe.

g. Spend some time in nature.

Gratitude Incorporate gratitude exercises into your life to shift your focus from the negative to the positive aspects of your life. My favorite exercise is a gratitude journal. A couple of minutes in the morning or before bed and my mind begins to focus on the positive things in life. Regularly acknowledging and expressing gratitude can contribute to a more positive mindset.

One of the exercises my coach told me about and I found very helpful, was identifying negative thoughts. Pay attention to your thoughts, especially the thoughts that are self-critical, defeatist, or overly negative. Keep a thought journal to record and analyze your thoughts associated with specific situations.

View your thoughts as separate from yourself. Instead of saying “I am a failure,” say “I am having the thought that I am a failure.” This helps create a mental distance from the negative thought.

Evaluate the evidence supporting and contradicting your negative thoughts. Ask questions like “What evidence do I have for this thought?” and “Is there any evidence against it?”

Generate alternative, more balanced interpretations of situations. Consider different perspectives and ask, “Is there another way to interpret this situation?”

Objectively evaluate your thoughts based on facts or assumptions. Ask questions like “Is there any concrete evidence supporting this thought?”

Challenge catastrophic and exaggerated beliefs about the severity of potential outcomes. Take a realistic evaluation of the likelihood and consequences of feared events.

Set small, achievable goals to build a sense of accomplishment and challenge negative self-perceptions. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, to reinforce the positive events in your life. Every little thing you do can have a momentous effect on your future.

Self-focus is not selfish. Self-focus is a crucial aspect of healing. Acknowledging and meeting your own needs is essential for recovery. You can explore the idea of taking care of yourself. Not only is self-focus a right, it is also a responsibility, especially in the context of trauma recovery.

Personal Growth
Featured

HEARTS DESIRE

The amount of sunshine is decreasing here is the Northern Hemisphere. We are coming into a new season.  The season of winter can affect us in many external ways.  As I write this, I inhale some essential oil of peppermint to keep my focus, and some essential oil of orange to lift my mood and remind me of the joy within. 

The preparation and celebration of Christmas is a part of the winter experience.  I can remember my Mom putting the Christmas wish list up on the wall in our kitchen, in mid-month of November. It was above the cat corner, the area where the cats were fed. It was placed there as a reminder for us children to keep the cat’s dishes clean. Responsibility and reward, but that is a blog for another day.

We could put whatever we wanted on the Wish List.  There were 7 squares and one square had a star on it.  In that square you put what you most wanted or desired. There was not a guarantee that you would get the gift you most desired, but my Mom and Dad assured us, we could write whatever we wanted in that space. I remember excitedly flipping through the Sears catalogue, trying to decide what it is was that I really wanted.

I recall this story for you as we come to the close of the year because it is beneficial to pause, reflect and ask ourselves “What do I really, really want?” In the next few weeks, we will be bombarded with ads, flyers, commercials on Facebook, Instagram, TV, and your phone. It has already started – the attempt to entice us to buy the next big thing. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that the world of commerce depends on people buying stuff.  Yes, companies manufacture, and market many items supplying jobs for many people.

What I am contemplating here is the internal verses the external.  At a time when in many ways we can choose anything, what is it that we want? So often our lives and decisions are based upon what other’s want.  What must we do to please someone else? What is expected of me? If it pleases us to be of service to another, that is great and fulfilling.  If we are doing so out of obligation, societal expectation or with a martyr complex, this is not good for us. It creates a dissonance which affects us at a cellular level.

If you could have anything, what would it be?

You get to choose.  You can choose something that is different from what the culture is telling you is important.  You can choose what is right for you. It takes focus, intention, even meditation to find what it is we are seeking.   You may need to get away from the noise so you can truly ask yourself “What do I desire?” and wait to listen for the answer. The concept of “Ask and you will receive” is a universal truth.  The wisdom and love that exists in your heart, will bring you the answer you seek.

I have even discovered that when I ask for help, or counsel, or advice to make the right decision, it comes and often quite quickly.  The trick is to ask.  We also need to quiet our mind so we can hear the answer.

Let’s do a little mental exercise. 

Find a comfortable place to sit.   Sit on the floor with your legs crossed or in a chair/couch with your feet on the floor. Grab a blanket or cushion so as to be comfortable. Turn off your electronics.  Read this part first, then turn off your electronics.

  • Take a deep breath and exhale.
  • Inhale and exhale being conscious of your breath.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Allow your shoulders to drop down, relaxing your jaw, neck and face.
  • Feel the breath extend to your abdomen.
  • Think of a beautiful space, perhaps a garden or a seaside. 
  • Feel the peace of that environment.
  • Immerse yourself in the beauty of that space.
  • Inhale the scents, feel the breeze, touch the plants, trees, or water.
  • Feel relaxed and peaceful.
  • In a calm voice, ask yourself,  What do I desire?
  • Rest comfortably and wait.

You may get a picture in your mind.  You may get a feeling. You may get a word. It is unique to you and for you.

Breath calmly.

When you are ready, leave your imagined garden or beach.  As you come back to conscious surroundings, remember you can go back to the garden of your mind anytime.  Well, not while you are driving, but whenever you feel you want to experience that peace, calm, and the wisdom that is there.

This is one technique that Rose and I use to calm our minds so we can create our purpose driven work.  Purebioenergy Healing Therapy is used to calm the mind, release pain and tension and heal all levels to create wholeness.  I made the decision to be a Certified Purebioenergy Healing Therapist because what I really, really want is to serve people by helping others and myself heal.  As we heal our internal wounds, we open our hearts to live at our fullest potential.  Rose and I know that by educating, encouraging and elevating those who are struggling to overcome the effects experienced after a traumatic life event serves so many people.  It brings us joy to do so.  It is our heart’s desire.

Go and make your own wish list with many squares and stars on it.   In one of the squares, write your heart’s desire. This is the season to rejoice.

Emotions
Featured

YOU’VE GOT THE POWER

Believe it or not, you have power. For those of us who have experienced traumatic events we may believe we have no power, no choices, no say. I grew up in an era when women had very little power. Our roles were defined by the men in our lives, dads, bosses or husbands. I was told and shown that my thoughts did not matter. I was to do what my husband said, even if it meant it was dangerous, harmful, painful, or just plain wrong. When it did become dangerous and painful, I was told by other men to go back to my husband, the person who inflicted the pain and almost killed me. I honestly believed I had no power. I was smart enough, however, to not go back.

Some of us gave our power away because we believed life would be simpler if we did. Life would be less chaotic, less painful. In hindsight the opposite was true. When a woman gives away her power it leads to many circumstances that seriously damage her life.

At Wounded Women Rising, the identity crisis a woman experiences after trauma is eliminated as her body heals, her emotions calmed and her mind released so she confidently knows who she is and what she wants. This confidence is your personal POWER. Think of it as—your SUPERPOWER. Regaining a sense of power and control after trauma significantly boosts self-confidence. As you become more empowered, you are better equipped to make choices that align with your values and desires, ultimately increasing your self-esteem.

Personal power equips you with the ability to advocate for yourself. This is particularly important when it comes to seeking help, setting boundaries, and making decisions about your own healing journey. Trauma often leads to an identity crisis, where a woman loses a sense of who she is. Addressing power can help a woman rediscover her identity and develop a more authentic self, free from the constraints of the trauma. And isn’t that one of our definitive goals, to be free from the constraints of the trauma?

Dr. Gabor Maté offers insight on trauma. He says, “Trauma is not the bad things that happened to you; trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” Trauma is a deeply impactful experience that affects the lives of women on multiple levels, including emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Dr. Gabor Maté’s quotes emphasize the idea that trauma is not just about the external events but also the internal responses and effects it has on an individual’s well-being. Trauma leaves us with intense and overwhelming emotions. Flashbacks and intrusive memories often invade our lives. Some women feel disconnected from their bodies, thoughts and emotions, which is a protective response to the trauma.

The stress response of a traumatized woman can manifest itself as physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomach-aches, muscle tension, and even chronic pain. Prolonged release of the stress hormone cortisol has long term adverse effects on the human body. Mental health challenges arise from traumatic experiences such as anxiety and depression and even suicide or thoughts of suicide. The erosion of trust  of yourself, and others, can destruct a woman’s relationships. This can lead to isolation which further erodes mental health.

Dr. Gabor Maté’s work emphasizes the importance of compassion, self-awareness, and self-discovery in the healing journey. Women can find empowerment and a renewed sense of self through the healing stages as they work through the impacts of trauma and move toward greater well-being.

Self-awareness allows the individual woman to explore and understand what is happening inside her, helping her regain power over her thoughts, emotions, and responses to trauma. Self-awareness is a crucial tool on the path to healing and empowerment. Self-awareness put you in touch with your personal power.

Self-discovery takes courage. A woman must be willing to look at herself and see who she is – who she really is. Self-discovery means ceasing to allow others to define her. Self-discovery is a deeply personal and individual process. Delving into the journey of discovery a woman gains a deep understanding of her beliefs, values, strengths, weaknesses, desires, and identity. It involves introspection, reflection, and exploration of thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

At Wounded Women Rising we walk with you on the journey of self-awareness and self-discovery through community, retreats, blog post education, workshops, healing events, interactive talks, podcasts (coming soon) and online support groups (coming soon). We walk with you because we too have experienced and are on the healing journey from trauma. We know you can regain your power. You can take control of your life and love yourself. We have seen firsthand the remarkable recoveries of women who had the courage to look within to find their power and use power in their life, every day.

So far, we know what to do, but how do you do that? How do you develop self-awareness? First you must be willing to become aware of your responses to what is happening in you and through you. This means taking some time to think about past events and how you responded during the event and after the event.

For instance, my wasband believed that an evil spirit possessed me. He believed that if the evil spirit that had invaded me was eliminated, he could go back to a perfect life. He took it upon himself to exorcise that beast from me. This was no where near as elaborate as the depiction in The Exorcist. He grabbed me by the shoulders and started praying. I had no idea what was going on at first. In a very short amount of time, he was digging his fingers into my shoulders and shaking me. I got scared and then I got mad. I broke free from his grip using a move I learned during a self defense class. Lord only knows how I remembered that move at that time. I left the house within minutes shaking and in disbelief. I checked into a hotel and sat with this event during the next 24 hours. I became aware of the events and how I responded to them, but not just physically but more importantly emotionally. I cycled through emotions such as guilt (because I left and did not “work through the conflict”), and anger (there was a lot of anger).

I thought I was going crazy. How could this man who said he loved me believe I was possessed by an evil spirit? Could he possibly be right? My abused woman psyche was to take the blame on myself. Absurd, yes, but so predictable. As I sat with the emotions and the event, I realized I had no reason to feel guilty. I realized I had good reason to be angry. I realized that I could no longer trust my wasband to protect me, care for me or even care about me. This was one event in a series of many before I valued myself over the marriage. Sitting with the facts and the emotions and working my way through them I gained power. I gained personal power, and self-confidence. I did what was right for me in the best way I knew how.

There are many circumstances and events to think about. You do not have to rehash everything. There are events that were pivotal to you deciding that you are valuable. These are the ones you want to sit with. Become aware of the emotions. Allow them. Do not judge them. Allow them. They are yours and you felt them for a reason. There is message in there for you to discover. Discovering the message will give you power. Your heart knows. Your spirit knows. Your soul knows. It is time for your mind to know. Your power is in you, within you. Your power may be hidden but it is there. This is your period of discovery. This is the place where you gain a deep understanding of your beliefs, your values, your strengths, your weaknesses, your desires, and your identity.

You are able to wake up to the moment. The past cannot hurt you. The thoughts and the emotions you give the past can continue to hurt you, but not the event. The future does not need to be feared. The future can be whatever you want it to be.

Live in the moment. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings in this moment, in this day, at this time. What triggers your emotions? What is going on that makes you anxious? What is it that is scaring you? Become aware.

Do not push anything away. Do not stuff the emotions down. Do not get busy so you do not have to think about it. Respect yourself enough to take a few minutes.  Try to get some place alone so you can think. This process does not have to take hours. This process is usually minutes. Think. Answer the questions that rise up in your mind. Do not judge the questions or the answers. Your truth bubbles up in your awareness.

Once you develop awareness the process of acknowledging your emotions becomes easier and easier. Do not worry if you do not get answers right away. You have entered this information into your subconscious. Permit your subconscious to work it through. The answer on how to proceed or adjust or to let it go will be given to you. Learn to trust that you have the answers within you. You already possess the power to get the answers. Adopt the belief that you possess the power. Say it over and over and over again until it becomes part of your DNA. This IS your truth. You are confident. You are powerful. You are a beautiful woman ready to stand on her own and believe in her value and in her worth.

You have the power!

Navigating Life Changes
Featured

PERIL, PEARL, PURITY

Throughout our lives, we encounter perils.  There are dangers, risks, and potential hazards that exist around us constantly.  Most of the people in this group have experienced firsthand dangers, a life-threatening danger, a loss, not just the risk of loss but the actual loss of homes, jobs, friends, reputation, children, and financial stability.  There are also vehicle accidents which damage bodies, kill loved ones, and create permanent change to lives.   Having to leave your home because of domestic violence, or war, or natural disaster creates a serious and immediate danger.  Another peril is death of a loved one or divorce which can lead to years of depression, anxiety, and loss of self worth.  These perils have additional impacts on your well-being.  Hans Selye defines these types of stresses as physiological stress, psychological stress, and psycho-social stress.  To be on earth is to be exposed to dangers, problems, threats, menaces, and troubles.

When a peril occurs, the immediate threat must be addressed.  Get to safety, secure yourself and your loved ones.  Emergency personnel may assist with this.  An entire industry of insurance has been created over the centuries to try to compensate for the financial loss which may occur as the result of a peril.  But who is assisting with the psychological, psycho-social, and physiological affects of the peril?  There are many areas that need healing.  What happens after the acute aspect of the peril, is what goes on to shape one’s perception, belief pattern and life as a result of the incident.

Let’s start with changing our thoughts about the incident, peril, or trauma.  This is not to diminish the tragedy.  It is simply a way to look at it with a new lens so the pain can diminish and the wound can heal.   Let’s look at what nature can show us.

Creating Pearls

In nature, oysters, clams and mussels can all produce pearls.  Certain species of oysters called Pinctada, create the most pearls.  They are located deep in the ocean.  Let’s take a lesson from the oyster.  The formation of a pearl begins when a foreign substance slips into the oyster between the mantle and shell. This irritation causes the oyster to attempt to protect itself, producing nacre to cover the foreign substance.  Over time, these layers form a pearl. It can take from 6 months to 4 years to create a pearl.  The oyster has transformed the irritation, the hurt, into something beautiful.  

In our lives, the peril, loss, danger can loom large, even after the occurrence.  As we dwell on the loss, and hurt, the presence of it becomes larger.  Our intention of attention to the hurt, loss, and pain keeps it in the fore front of our mind.  We can bring it into conversation at every opportunity.   He did this, she did that.  This happened.  Yes, it did.  It was awful.  We survived it.  It can take up more space and has the potential to crowd out other elements of our being.  Whatever you focus on increases.  With intent, we too can create transformation of a big hurt, into a thing of beauty.  The pain, loss, shame, and hurt need not define us, just as the oyster uses nacre to cover the irritation, causing the rough, jagged edges of the foreign object to be smoothed over.  

We do have a choice. We can choose to allow the hurt to dissipate.  We can smooth off those rough edges of a painful memory.  This will take intention.  This takes the willingness to be willing to change.  The resolution is not necessarily in restitution.  See Rose’s article on Letting Go https://woundedwomenrising.ca/2023/09/let-it-go/.   Meditation is one way to create the space for allowing for something different; as well as time with God, in prayer, in nature, in acts of kindness.  Treat yourself with loving kindness.  Treat others the same. What do you require to feel secure?  

Imagine what you want your life to look like.  Fill in the details. Colour this picture of your life in the colours you choose.  You can draw an actual picture and put it up where you will see it. Choose a daily practice of some spiritual element. Read, pray, set intentions, focus on love.

Love becomes our nacre. Love creates peace, tranquility, stillness and purity.  Love is wholly transformational. Holy and wholly.

Peace is something we carry within us.  Peace is not shaken by external influences.  Peace is a practice.

The irritation (peril) will be transformed into a thing of beauty.   The purity of the pearl is what gives it value. The irritation is long forgotten and all that remains is the pearl’s translucent beauty shining into the world.   

A peril can be your opportunity to allow the love that exists within you, to transform your hurt into healing, your peril into pearls.

Emotions
Featured

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotional intelligence, often abbreviated as EQ (Emotional Quotient), refers to the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and effectively use your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It plays a crucial role in personal and interpersonal success, and it’s particularly relevant in the context of personal development. Emotional intelligence is vital for building strong relationships, communicating effectively, managing emotions, and making sound decisions. In the context of personal development, developing emotional intelligence can lead to greater self-awareness and self-regulation, helping you to make positive changes in your life.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) can have a profound impact on your relationships. It plays a pivotal role in how you interact, communicate, and build meaningful connections. Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool. Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed and improved upon over time through self-awareness, practice, and a genuine commitment to understanding and connecting with others on a deeper emotional level.

All the subjects we have been covering this past year are all part of emotional intelligence. Increasing your emotional intelligence is an ongoing process. It requires patience and self-compassion. Raising your EQ does not need to be an arduous task. Each time you choose to develop an aspect of your personality you are also increasing your EQ. As we actively heal from the traumas of our life our emotional intelligence will ultimately increase. You can choose to increase your EQ or you can choose to do nothing and stay exactly where you are.

I would like to share some practical steps to help you enhance your emotional intelligence:

Take time for introspection. Reflect on your emotions, their triggers, and how they influence your thoughts and actions. Write your reflections in a journal to track your emotions and experiences. Writing about your feelings can deepen your understanding of them. This practice also gets the “stinking thinking” out of your head circling around and around.

Ask for honest feedback from trusted friends, family, or colleagues about how they perceive your emotional expressions and responses. Seek guidance from someone with a high level of emotional intelligence. Their mentorship can be invaluable in your journey to increase your EQ. These three practices increase your self-awareness. Becoming aware of your emotions is vital to your recovery.

Develop effective stress management strategies, such as exercise, deep breathing, or time management, to keep your emotions in check during challenging situations. Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation, can help you become more aware of your emotional responses and learn to control them. Being prepared with strategies in advance assists you in weathering any storm that comes your way.

Pay close attention when others speak. Try to understand their feelings, concerns, and perspectives without immediately offering solutions or judgment. It is always better to listen to understand than to listen to respond.  I dislike it when I share my feelings with someone, and they respond without waiting for me to finish so they can share about their own life. That is an instant shut down for me. I know they do not care.

Work on your verbal and non-verbal communication skills. Be clear, concise, and empathetic in your interactions. Check your own body language. Body language often speaks louder than words. Are your arms crossed? Are you eyes wandering? What would it take to look into the eyes of the person talking? Are you giving them signs that you are listening?

When interacting with others, try to imagine what it’s like to be in their situation. This can help you connect on a deeper level. Strive to build and maintain positive relationships. Invest time in nurturing connections with friends, family, and colleagues.

Learn conflict resolution techniques to handle disagreements constructively. Techniques such as assertive communication, conflict analysis, taking breaks from discussions, and compromise, are all effective in deescalating conflict.

Identify healthy coping strategies for dealing with adversity, setbacks, or difficult emotions. This might include seeking support from others or engaging in self-care activities. Instead of dwelling on failures or setbacks, view them as opportunities for growth and learning.

Set meaningful, achievable goals that align with your values and passions. This can provide motivation and a sense of purpose. Check out our blog posts on values and passions. Recognize and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. This positive reinforcement can boost your motivation.

There are many books and resources available on emotional intelligence. Consider reading about the topic to gain new insights and strategies. Attend workshops or training programs on emotional intelligence if they are available in your area and online. These can provide practical exercises and guidance.

Remember that emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed and improved over time through self-awareness, practice, and a genuine commitment to understanding and connecting with others on a deeper emotional level.

Neglecting your emotional intelligence can have far-reaching consequences in various aspects of your life, including your relationships, personal development, and professional aspirations. Recognizing the importance of emotional intelligence and actively working to improve upon it can lead to more positive outcomes in your trauma healing process and all areas of your life.

Personal Growth
Featured

GRATITUDE

Here in Canada, we just finished celebrating Thanksgiving. There are many traditions that accompany Thanksgiving including turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, family gatherings, stretchy pants, and walks in the park. The changing colours of Fall always leave me in awe, even though I am never ready for the cooler weather. Thanksgiving is a time for reflection. We reflect on the blessings in our lives and the abundance of the harvest. This reflection is called “being grateful”. Why do we take one day a year to reflect on being grateful?

Gratefulness is a powerful and positive emotion that involves recognizing and appreciating the good things in your life. It’s about feeling thankful for the people, experiences, and blessings that you have, rather than focusing on what you lack or the challenges you face.

Gratitude can take many forms, from expressing thanks to someone who has helped you to simply acknowledging the beauty of a sunset or the taste of a delicious meal. Gratitude is a mindset, not just a polite gesture. Gratitude is a way of looking at the world that can have intense effects on your overall well-being.

Practicing gratitude has many benefits, including improved mental and emotional well-being, reduced stress, increased resilience, and stronger relationships. When you cultivate a sense of gratefulness, you shift your focus from what’s missing in your life to what you have. Implanting a gratefulness practice can lead to greater happiness and contentment.

Gratefulness aligns well with your personal development, healing, and self-awareness, which are areas of interest to us in this movement. The practice of gratefulness can significantly change your mindset by shifting your perspective and helping you develop a more positive and appreciative outlook on life.

Gratefulness can bring about positive changes in anyone’s life.  Gratefulness can improve your mental health. Practicing gratitude can help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. When you focus on the positive aspects of your life, it can counteract negative thought patterns and boost your overall mental well-being.

Gratefulness can enhance your emotional well-being. Gratitude can lead to increased feelings of happiness and contentment. It can help you savour the good moments and experiences in your life, leading to a more positive emotional state.

A gratitude practice can reduce stress. Being grateful can reduce stress levels by shifting your attention away from worries and anxieties. It helps you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing the impact of stressors.

Gratitude can give you increased resilience. Grateful individuals tend to be more resilient in the face of adversity. Grateful individuals are better equipped to handle challenges and setbacks because they have a more optimistic outlook on life.

Practicing gratitude builds better relationships. Expressing gratitude towards others can strengthen your relationships. It fosters a sense of connection and appreciation, which can lead to deeper and more meaningful bonds with friends, family, and colleagues.

Gratefulness can boost your self-confidence. We can all use a self-confidence boost regularly. Gratitude can boost your self-esteem and self-confidence. When you focus on your strengths and the positive aspects of your life, you develop a more positive self-image. When you have a positive self-image, you possess self-confidence.

The practice of gratitude can enhance your physical health. There is evidence to suggest that grateful individuals may experience physical health benefits such as better sleep, lower blood pressure, and a stronger immune system. These physical improvements contribute to overall well-being.

Would you like to increase the odds of achieving your goals? Grateful people are often more motivated to pursue their goals. When you appreciate the good things in your life, you’re more likely to set and work toward achieving new ones.

Gratitude encourages mindfulness, which is the practice of being fully present in the moment. This can lead to a deeper connection with your surroundings and a greater sense of self-awareness. There is a lot of talk these days on being mindful and present. When you practice gratitude, you are fully present in the moment. When you’re mindful of the good things in your life, you become more aware of the here and now, which can reduce rumination on past regrets or worries about the future. When the old ghosts decide to pay you a visit and your mind drifts to the “if onlyies” or the “I should have’s, remember one thing you are grateful for right now: in this moment. The ghosts of your past cannot infiltrate your present when you are grateful in this moment.

Your gratefulness practice incorporates a focus on the positive. You focus on the positive aspects of your life no matter how small they are. By regularly acknowledging and appreciating these positive elements, your mindset gradually shifts away from dwelling on negativity and what you lack. Gratitude helps you re-frame negative thoughts and experiences. Instead of dwelling on problems or setbacks, you learn to find silver linings or lessons in difficult situations. This re-framing can lead to a more optimistic mindset.

A grateful mindset can enhance your problem-solving abilities. It allows you to approach challenges with a more open and creative mindset, as you’re less likely to be overwhelmed by negative thinking.

Gratitude can help you recognize the abundance in your life, even in moments of scarcity. This shift from a mindset of scarcity to one of abundance can lead to greater satisfaction and contentment. Gratitude can bring about numerous blessings and positive changes in your life. You will recognize the blessings as they appear because you have cultivated a positive mindset and the quick response of gratitude in your everyday life.

Neglecting a gratefulness practice can have several negative impacts on your mindset and overall well-being. Without regular acknowledgment of the positive aspects of your life, your mindset may become more focused on negativity. You may dwell on problems, setbacks, and what you perceive as lacking. When you don’t actively shift your focus away from worries and anxieties, stress can accumulate.

Neglecting gratitude may lead to an increase in symptoms of depression and anxiety, as you’re less likely to experience positive emotions. Gratitude can help regulate emotions. Without it, you may struggle more with emotional imbalances, experiencing heightened negativity and frustration. Neglecting gratitude can diminish your self-esteem and self-confidence. You may focus more on your perceived shortcomings rather than your strengths.

A lack of gratitude can limit your problem-solving abilities. You may become more closed off to creative solutions and less open to exploring opportunities.

Gratitude often inspires motivation and goal pursuit. Neglecting gratitude may result in reduced motivation to work towards your objectives.

Gratitude encourages self-awareness and personal growth. When you neglect it, you may miss opportunities for self-improvement.

To practice gratitude and change your mindset, consider starting a gratitude journal, where you write down what you are thankful for each day. There are online journals you can access. I find this one to be quite good. https://grateful.org/practice/private-gratitude-journal/ 

You can also purchase gratitude journals on Amazon, https://amzn.to/3RUghIm or your favorite bookstore. It does not have to be fancy. You do have to commit to taking 5 minutes a day to write down what you are grateful for.

You can also take moments of reflection to express gratitude in your own way. Over time, this practice can become a powerful tool for personal development and healing. This one habit can change your life.

Additionally, a grateful attitude can inspire and uplift those around you, creating a more supportive and healing environment. As you explore and deepen your gratitude practice, you’re likely to discover even more blessings and positive changes in your life. It’s a practice that has the potential to transform not only your mindset but also your overall well-being.

Personal Growth
Featured

Meditate to Feel Great

Written by Judy Johnston

Meditation has become common practice to many people. The idea of becoming mindful, is sort of funny if we think on the word. Mind full, so clear your mind of thoughts. Then shouldn’t it be called Mind Empty. Mind Flush. Mind blank?

But seriously, folks.

The purpose of meditation is to cause the body and mind to become calm.  Calm the breath. To do so,

breath deep,

and hold for a count of 2,

exhale.

Pause at the exhale for a count of 2,

 then inhale again.   

You can practice this simple method called Square Breathing anywhere. Slowly increase the count from 2 to 4 then to 6. It may take time to be able to hold the exhale until the count of 6.  This is a practice, so as you practice you will get better at it. Increasing the amount of air thus oxygen to the brain and the body will exercise the lower part of the lungs bringing more oxygen to the blood stream.  Most people are shallow breathers and only use about half of their lung capacity.

Your lungs occupy about half of your chest. They are big. They expand to your back.  Try this, inhale, hold your breath, then breathe in a little more. Usually, you can add a bit more air. Slowly exhale. As you exhale you can relax your jaw and make a sound.  Awwwww.  or Ohmmm.  Feel the vibration in your chest, lips, and face.  

They are many different ways to meditate.

Walking outdoors is my favorite way to calm my brain. The fresh air, the sounds of nature, the sunshine, even the rain, all bring my attention into the present moment.

Prayer.  Many cultures have repetitive words, phrases, chants, or songs.  The rosary, prayer beads, mala beads give a physical touch as one chants, prays, or speak the words to God. This too calms the mind and relaxes the body. This too is a way of letting go; letting go of the angst, the worry, the anxiety. “Be still and know that I am God.”  Psalm 46.10 NIV.

When I perform Purebioenergy Healing Therapy, I feel tremendous joy. I usually end up singing. It is a peaceful place to be.

Today I want to share a guided meditation.

Read this first to the end, then close your eyes and imagine yourself in this scenario. Another possibility is to record this into your phone and play it back at any time.

Picture yourself by the ocean. Feel the soft warm sand under your feet. Spread your toes into the sand. Do you feel a piece of coral, or just the silkiness of the tiny grains of sand?

Feel your calve muscles relax. The warmth of the sun caresses them.

Hear the sound of the waves gently flowing onto the shore. Then rolling out again to the sea.

Choose to touch the water with your fingers, it is cool but inviting.

Sit down and feel your thighs, legs and buttocks relax.

Stretch out your arms to the sky.

Be aware of the deep blue of the sky, the fluffy white clouds.

Lift your chest and inhale deeply. That fresh salt air fills your lungs.

Exhale and let go any worry or strain.

Inhale again, let your body roll back onto the soft sand.

Your back is supported by the earth. The sand supports you.

Your shoulders relax,

Breathe in again.

Exhale.

Feel your neck muscles release.

Your jaw is open.

Inhale, Exhale, and sigh aaawww. All is well.

The gentle breeze caresses you.

The sound of the waves brings a rhythm of calm. All is well.

Relax your face. Lift your eyebrows high, then let them fall. All is calm.

With your eyes closed, look to the centre of your forehead.

See the colour that is there.

Feel the warmth on your face.

Smell the sea air.

Breathe in.

Let a feeling of love fill your body as you melt into the warmth of the sand.

It is good. All is well.

Rest.

Inhale deeply.

In this moment all is well.

Feel it.

When you are ready, slowly open your eyes. Gently come back bringing that beautiful sense of peace, tranquility, and love with you.

In this moment, all is well.

Personal Growth
Featured

RESISTANCE TO PERSISTENCE TO PEACE

When something is challenging, difficult or an effort, our first reaction is often to resist.

We may complain, dare I say whine.  We may think of ways or hows to get out of it. The stronger we feel we don’t want to do it, whatever it is, the stronger the resistance in us becomes.

We think.  We worry.  We run the  “What Ifs” in our minds.  

What if I don’t like this new change?  What if I can’t do it?  What if people won’t like me if I make this change?

There is a law in physics that says ” An object at rest, remains at rest unless acted upon by an external force.”

We too “remain at rest”.  Not that we are lazy.  We are just convinced that we are comfortable.  We may say  “That is just how things are. I can’t do anything about it”.

 We are resistant to change.

What motivates one to change?  The desire for the new result, must be greater, than the desire to remain in the pain.  Sometimes, we don’t even see the pain, we are causing to ourselves, or to others because we are simply oblivious to it.  It has become such a part of our belief system, we persist in the perspective.

One may say  ” I am how I am.” , “This is the cross that I bear”.  I will never…lose weight, be able to do that {whatever the “that” is}.  I need my glass of wine every night.  I need my coffee every morning.  I can’t do math. I am not technical.  I am not musical.  I am too old, too tired, too young, too busy, too sad. I can’t.

We all have problems, issues, habits.  Good and bad habits.  We all need improvement.  So how do we overcome the inertia?  How do we address this resistance that is embedded in our thought pattern?  How do we avoid this procrastination station, and just do it!

Wayne Dwyer used to say “Change your thoughts, Change your life.”  That is true.  Your thoughts create your actions, your action creates a habit, your habits becomes your life.  But how do I change my thoughts? To change my habits, to change my life?

Here are a few suggestions on how:   

1.  Become aware of our your thoughts.

The average person has approximately 6,000 thoughts per day.  According to research at Queen’s University, based on data from MRI brain scans of volunteers, a thought every 9 seconds.  So how do we herd these random cats running around in our brain?   Pause.  Breathe.  Ask yourself, what was I just thinking?  

Is that true? By the way, your thoughts are not you. You are the one thinking the thoughts.

Most thought of worry, self criticism, judgement of self or others, are not true. There are imprinted beliefs that re-circulate in our heads, and they are totally false.

By the age of 7, many of our beliefs about ourselves are established.  Who influenced your thinking and beliefs at that time?

I personally had a critical belief that when I tried something for the first time and failed at it. My mind would shout at me. “OH Judy, You are Such an Idiot”

Where did that come from?  A conversation with my sister confirmed she too held that belief.  It is not true.  Yet there it was.  Once I recognize it, I can change it.

Forgive them.  Forgive yourself. Send only love to yourself and others.

2.  If you want to go on a road trip to a specific destination, you will need a map. Directions on which roads will take you there. If we want to be different, we have to do different. You cannot keep taking the same road, and expect to get to a different destination.  If you want to have strong muscles, you will need to exercise and strengthen those muscles.  Thoughts are no different.  When you catch yourself, going down the path of self-sabotage, stop.  That is a dead end road.  It hurts you and your potential.

You are the driver on this road trip. Stop. Find the thought path that serves you, and take that path. Use your affirmations – see Rose’s article. Choose to change your direction. Be willing to change. Make your GPS – Good Progresses Success.  You don’t need perfection. You want progress. Good is good enough.

3. It is beneficial and a lot more fun to have a travel buddy.  You are not alone.  This is a common belief in those who have experienced a trauma.  Ask for help.

I have experienced this personally numerous times.  When you need help, ask for help.  No one can be expected to know everything.  Often a different perspective, helps us to see a new way to our desired result.  Another’s expertise may be just the thing to help you achieve your goal or desired result. We are here to help each other. Thank them.   Then when someone asks you for help, you too benefit by helping.  If there is not a person in the moment, ask for help out loud to God., The Universe, Source, that which you call to in spirit. Ask and you will receive.  

4.  Be curious about how our thoughts are influenced by the gut biome.  Food affects our mood. It impacts our energy level, our hormones, our drive. Try eating clean, as in no preservatives, processed food, or sugar;  then observe what happens to your thought processes.  Your biofield contains the information of wellness. Seek and you will find ways to eat, live and be resilient.

5. Take the first step.  In September, I was at Greystone Retreat House and Rentals. I was trying to get down into the waters of Georgian Bay.  In this area, there were rocks, large and small that had to be traversed to get to the water.  As I was stepping on them, it came to me like a revelation:  I had to take the first step.  Step onto that rock, then test out, and find the next rock to step onto.  I couldn’t see the path down to the water, until I was actually on those rocks, then the next step would appear. I step out, then climb, step or stretch to the next one.  My lesson was this.  Take that first step. Trust yourself and know the next step will be there.  

6. Peace is within you.  When you need to make a decision, write out your objective, note your resistance, {resist stance}, list your options, ask for counsel if needed, and when you have the answer that brings you peace, trust it.  We all have choices to make daily.  You can do this.  A change may do you good.

Personal Growth
Featured

A STORY OF ACCEPTANCE

Once upon a time, in a small town nestled between rolling hills, there lived a woman named Emily. Emily had faced a series of challenging and traumatic events in her life. She had endured the loss of a loved one, a painful divorce, and a career setback. Each of these experiences had left a mark on her heart, and for a long time, she carried the weight of these burdens with her.

Emily’s journey towards acceptance began one crisp autumn day when she decided to visit a local park. As she strolled along the winding paths, she came across a serene pond. The water’s surface was like a mirror, reflecting the vibrant colors of the changing leaves above. Emily paused, taking in the beauty of nature around her.

It was in this moment of stillness that Emily realized she had been carrying the heavy baggage of her past for far too long.  She had been clinging to the pain, anger, and regret, allowing them to shape her present and overshadow her future. She understood that it was time to start the process of acceptance.

Over the coming months, Emily embarked on a journey of self-discovery and healing. She began by seeking the guidance of a therapist who specialized in trauma recovery. In their sessions, Emily learned to acknowledge her pain and emotions without judgment. She found the strength to open up about her past and to confront the deep wounds that had been festering for years.

Acceptance for Emily meant embracing her past, recognizing that these experiences were a part of her story, but not the entirety of it. She forgave herself for the mistakes she believed she had made and forgave those who had hurt her. It was a liberating experience, like shedding a heavy coat she had worn for too long.

Emily also discovered the power of mindfulness and meditation. These practices helped her stay grounded in the present moment and prevented her from getting lost in the labyrinth of painful memories. She learned to breathe through difficult emotions, allowing them to flow through her rather than consume her.

As Emily continued her journey of acceptance, she also reached out to her friends and family. She found the courage to share her feelings and experiences with them. To her surprise, she received an outpouring of love and support. Her loved ones embraced her vulnerability and offered their empathy and encouragement.

With time, Emily began to see changes in her life. She pursued new hobbies, rekindled old passions, and even considered a career change that had always been a dream. She realized that acceptance had given her the freedom to envision a brighter future, unburdened by the weight of her past.

One day, while visiting the same park where her journey had begun, Emily looked out over the pond. The leaves had changed color once again, and the water still reflected the beauty of the world around it. She couldn’t help but smile, for she had come to understand that acceptance was not the end of her story but the beginning of a new chapter—one filled with hope, resilience, and the promise of a life lived with authenticity and purpose.

Emily’s story serves as a reminder that acceptance is a transformative process that can lead to healing and personal growth. It allowed her to let go of the past and embrace the beauty of the present, and in the process, she discovered the strength to shape her own destiny.

Personal Growth
Featured

ACCEPTANCE

In my last article titled, Let It Go I talked about the importance of, and how to release and relinquish something that is causing you emotional distress and holding you back. Today I reveal ACCEPTANCE. You may be thinking, “Wait a minute! We can’t do both!”. Well, yes, we can. Acceptance and letting go are not opposing forces but rather complementary aspects of the healing journey. Acceptance provides the understanding and self-awareness needed to move forward, while letting go is the active process of releasing the emotional weight of trauma and embracing positive change. Together, they create a path towards greater peace, resilience, and well-being.

Acceptance is a fundamental aspect of personal development and healing. When a woman experiences trauma in her life there comes a point where acceptance needs to happen. Acceptance plays a crucial role in the healing journey, especially for women who have experienced trauma. It can be a challenging yet transformative process.

Acceptance, in this context, can take several forms:

  1. Self-Acceptance: One of the first steps is often accepting yourself as a survivor and acknowledging the emotions and scars that come with trauma. This involves recognizing that it’s okay to feel the way you do and that you are not defined by your past experiences.
  2. Acceptance of the Past: Coming to terms with the events that led to the trauma can be incredibly difficult. It involves re-framing the narrative and understanding that the trauma is something that happened to you, not something you caused or deserved.
  3. Acceptance of Feelings: Trauma can bring up a wide range of emotions, including anger, guilt, and shame. Accepting these feelings without judgment is a significant step towards healing. Emotions are valid reactions to what you’ve been through.
  4. Acceptance of Support: It’s important to accept and seek support from friends, family, or professionals. Often, women who have experienced trauma isolate themselves, feeling that they should be strong and can handle it alone. Accepting help can be a powerful step towards healing. We are never meant to handle anything alone. We were created for community, not isolation.
  5. Acceptance of Healing as a Process: Healing from trauma is not linear, and it’s important to accept that there will be ups and downs. It’s not about “getting over” the trauma but learning to live with it and thrive despite it.
  6. Acceptance of Growth: Trauma can lead to personal growth and resilience. It’s about recognizing that you can emerge from it stronger and be a more compassionate person.
  7. Acceptance of Boundaries: Setting and enforcing boundaries is a crucial part of healing and living. Learning to say no when you need to and yes when it serves you is an act of self-acceptance, self-care, and self-love.
  8. Acceptance of Future Possibilities: Ultimately, acceptance can open the door to envisioning a future where you are not defined by your trauma. It’s about discovering who you truly are and what you want for your life beyond the pain of the past.

Ignoring acceptance in the process of healing from trauma can have several significant consequences:

  1. Stagnation in Healing: Without acceptance, individuals may remain stuck in a cycle of denial, avoidance, or suppression of their feelings and experiences. This can prevent them from making progress in their healing journey.
  2. Persistent Emotional Pain: Unresolved trauma can lead to ongoing emotional pain, including anxiety, depression, and flashbacks. Ignoring acceptance can contribute to the persistence of these painful emotions.
  3. Physical Health Consequences: Unresolved trauma can also manifest as physical health issues, such as chronic pain, sleep disturbances, and even autoimmune disorders. Ignoring acceptance may aggravate these physical symptoms.
  4. Strained Relationships: Trauma affects not only the individual but also their relationships with others. Avoiding acceptance may lead to difficulties in connecting with and trusting others, which can strain relationships and social support networks.
  5. Recurring Triggers: Trauma triggers can continue to resurface if acceptance is not addressed. These triggers can be emotionally distressing and disruptive to daily life.
  6. Escalating Coping Mechanisms: Some individuals may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse or self-harm to numb or avoid their trauma. Ignoring acceptance can perpetuate these destructive behaviors.
  7. Identity Crisis: Without acceptance, there may be a constant struggle with self-identity and self-worth. This can lead to feelings of confusion and a lack of direction in life.
  8. Increased Risk of Re-traumatization: Failing to acknowledge and accept the trauma can make individuals more vulnerable to re-traumatization, as they may not have developed healthy coping strategies or boundaries.
  9. Long-Term Impact on Mental Health: Unresolved trauma can have a long-term impact on mental health, potentially leading to more severe mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

In essence, ignoring acceptance can prolong the negative effects of trauma and hinder an individual’s ability to lead a fulfilling and emotionally healthy life. It’s an essential step in the healing process to acknowledge what has happened and work through the associated emotions and experiences. This can lead to a more profound sense of self-awareness, resilience, and overall well-being.

The acceptance process is deeply personal and varies from person to person. There are, however, some general steps and strategies that can guide individuals on their journey toward acceptance. Pick and choose what you want to explore.

  1. Self-Awareness: Begin by taking time to reflect on your experiences and emotions. Self-awareness is a crucial first step in the acceptance process. Journaling or talking to a therapist can be helpful in this regard.
  2. Educate Yourself: Learn about trauma, its effects, and the healing process. Understanding the psychological and physiological aspects of trauma can help you make sense of your experiences.
  3. Seek Support: Reach out to a therapist, counselor, or support group specializing in trauma. Professional guidance can provide you with tools and strategies to navigate the acceptance process effectively. Supporting you on your journey to healing is the reason Wounded Women Rising exists. Join our Facebook group and join the conversation.
  4. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help you stay present and grounded as you confront difficult emotions related to the trauma.
  5. Express Emotions: Give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions, whether it’s through talking, writing, art, or other creative outlets. Emotions are a natural part of your healing process.
  6. Challenge Self-Blame: Many survivors of trauma blame themselves. It’s essential to recognize that you are not at fault for what happened to you and to challenge any self-blame or guilt.
  7. Set Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial for self-care. Learning to say no when necessary and creating a safe space for yourself fosters acceptance and healing.
  8. Forgiveness: Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean condoning what happened; it means letting go of the anger and resentment that can be barriers to acceptance. Forgiveness can be a powerful step in the healing process. We will investigate forgiveness in future blog posts. In the meantime, check out our post on Forgiving Myself.
  9. Connect with Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with friends and family who are understanding and supportive. Social support can make a meaningful difference in the acceptance process.
  10. Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer to a friend. Self-compassion can help counter negative self-judgment.
  11. Focus on the Present and Future: While it’s essential to acknowledge the past, don’t let it define your entire identity. Focus on your goals, aspirations, and the future you want to create for yourself.
  12. Professional Help: Depending on the severity of the trauma, professional therapeutic interventions such as Pure Bioenergy Healing are especially beneficial.
  13. Self-Care: Prioritize self-care practices that nourish your physical and emotional well-being. This can include exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and engaging in activities you enjoy.

Once you have reached a place of acceptance, it can profoundly transform your experience of life. Acceptance opens up the door to a more positive and fulfilling life in several ways:

  1. Emotional Freedom: Acceptance allows individuals to let go of the intense emotional baggage that often accompanies trauma. This emotional freedom can lead to a greater sense of peace and contentment.
  2. Joy and Gratitude: Acceptance can shift the focus from what’s been lost to what remains and what can be gained. This shift often leads to increased feelings of joy and gratitude.
  3. Self-Awareness: Acceptance often involves self-reflection. This self-awareness can help individuals understand their triggers, needs, and values, leading to more authentic and purpose-driven lives. Self-awareness produces self-compassion. It’s easier to take care of oneself when you genuinely believe you deserve it.
  4. Enhanced Relationships: When you accept your own experiences and emotions, it becomes easier to connect with and support others. Your relationships may become more genuine and empathetic.
  5. Increased Resilience: Acceptance is a sign of resilience. It means you’ve faced adversity and grown stronger because of it. This resilience can help you navigate future challenges with greater confidence.
  6. Mindfulness and Presence: Acceptance encourages living in the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This mindfulness can lead to a richer, more meaningful life.
  7. Creativity and Expression: Acceptance can unlock creativity and self-expression. Many individuals find solace and meaning in creative pursuits like art, music, or writing.
  8. A Sense of Purpose: As individuals gain clarity about their values and priorities, they often discover a deeper sense of purpose in life. They may feel compelled to make a positive impact on the world.
  9. Spiritual Growth: For some, the acceptance process leads to spiritual growth and a deeper connection to their inner selves or to a higher power.
  10. Healthy Coping Strategies: With acceptance comes the development of healthier coping strategies, which can replace destructive habits and addictions.
  11. Community and Support: Many individuals who have embraced acceptance become advocates or supporters for others who are on a similar journey, fostering a sense of community and purpose.

Life will continue to present challenges, but individuals who have integrated acceptance into their lives are often better equipped to face these challenges with resilience and a more positive outlook. Ultimately, the experience of life after acceptance can be marked by a greater sense of wholeness, authenticity, and well-being. It’s about embracing all facets of oneself and using that acceptance as a foundation for growth and fulfillment.

Healing Practices
Featured

LET IT GO

I used to bristle at the words “let it go”. I often felt like people used this term as a platitude, something to say when they didn’t have an answer and didn’t want to talk to me about my issues. Saying “let it go” got them off the hook of getting involved in my life – even if it was just for the current circumstances I found myself in.

Many years ago when I slammed into menopause, I struggled with insomnia. I found that a lack of sleep altered who I was, how I thought, what I thought and how I expressed myself. At that time, I attended the women’s bible study at the church I attended. I do not remember what we were studying, but I do remember the conversation circled around “letting go and letting God”. I do remember asking the question, “How do you do that?” There was a bit of discussion but no answers on how to let it go. So, true to form I kept asking the same question. I got under the skin of some of the women. They would quote bible verses that had no meaning to the topic at hand. They would say, “Just let it go.” Our group leader was annoyed at the discussion and cut us off – abruptly. I sat there and stewed about it. I did not get an answer.

After class, two of the women waited for me outside of the church. I thought they were having a conversation amongst themselves. Little did I know they were waiting for me. These two women kept repeating, “Just let it go. God will handle it.”  Well, at that time I did not perceive God working in my life and He certainly was not helping with my insomnia. I left that bible study very angry. I was angry because I did not get an answer and angry because I was dismissed by the leader and other members of the group. It wasn’t until I arrived home and had a chance to think about the phrase, “let it go” that I realized that it was used more as a dismissal than anything helpful.  I have since learned that “letting it go” is a form of self love. How? Let me explain.

“Letting it go” is a phrase often used to describe the process of releasing or relinquishing something that is causing emotional distress or holding you back. It is about allowing yourself to move on from past experiences, negative emotions, or even physical possessions that no longer serve you in a positive way.

In the context of personal development and healing, “letting it go” can be a powerful concept. It means recognizing and acknowledging the emotions, thoughts, or traumas that may be weighing you down and then consciously deciding to release their grip on your life. It’s not about forgetting or denying what happened but rather choosing not to let it continue to negatively affect your present and future.

This process can involve various techniques such as mindfulness, therapy, journaling, or even talking with supportive friends or professionals. It’s about finding healthy ways to process and cope with difficult experiences and emotions so that you can move forward with a sense of self-awareness, self-confidence, and healing. Ultimately, “letting it go” is about freeing yourself from the burdens of the past so that you can fully embrace the present and create a better future for yourself. It’s a journey towards self-discovery and personal growth, an act of self-love.

Women, like anyone else, can find it difficult to “let it go” for a variety of reasons, especially after experiencing trauma or challenging life situations. It’s important to note that this difficulty is not limited to a specific gender but can be experienced by anyone. Here are some factors that can make it a challenge:

  1. Emotional Attachment: Women have strong emotional attachments to past experiences or relationships. These attachments can make it hard to move on because the memories are intertwined with deep emotions.
  2. Societal Expectations: Societal norms and expectations can sometimes place additional pressure on women to be caregivers, nurturers, and maintain relationships. This can make it challenging for some women to “let it go” because they may feel a sense of responsibility or guilt.
  3. Lack of Support: Having a support system is crucial for healing and letting go. Women who lack a support network may find it more challenging to process and release their emotions and experiences.
  4. Self-Worth and Confidence: Trauma or difficult experiences can erode a person’s self-worth and confidence, which can make it difficult to believe they deserve to let go and move forward.
  5. Fear of Repeating Patterns: Some women may fear that by letting go, they are setting themselves up to repeat past mistakes or enter similar harmful situations. This fear of the unknown can be a significant barrier.
  6. Coping Mechanisms: People often develop coping mechanisms, which might not be healthy, to deal with trauma. These coping mechanisms can become ingrained habits, making it difficult to let go because they’ve become a familiar way of dealing with pain or stress.
  7. Cultural and Family Influences: Cultural and family values can also play a role. Some cultures may place a strong emphasis on preserving family or relationship dynamics, even if they are unhealthy.
  8. Complexity of Trauma: Trauma can be extremely complex and deeply rooted. It may take time and professional assistance to unravel and address the layers of trauma and its effects.

It is essential to recognize that the process of “letting it go” is highly individualized. What works for one person may not work for another, and there’s no set timeline for healing. The key is to provide a safe and supportive environment for individuals to explore their experiences, emotions, and healing journey at their own pace. Here, at Wounded Women Rising, our goal is to provide you with the safe and supportive environment to grow and experience healing at the deepest level.

There are several steps that can be taken to “let it go” and begin the process of healing and moving forward. This is your “How To” list. Keep in mind that these steps can be customized to individual needs and circumstances. Pick and choose which steps you would like to introduce into your life. You do not have to do all of them. Here’s a general framework:

Self-Awareness and Acceptance:

Begin by acknowledging and accepting your feelings, whether they are related to trauma, past experiences, or negative emotions. Recognize that it’s okay to feel what you feel.

Seek Professional Help:

Consider working with a therapist, counselor, or trauma specialist. They can provide guidance, support, and specific therapeutic techniques to help you process and heal from trauma.

Mindfulness and Meditation:

Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you stay present and reduce the impact of intrusive thoughts and emotions. It can also aid in self-awareness and emotional regulation.

Journaling:

Keeping a journal can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and emotional expression. Write about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This can help you gain insights and release pent-up emotions. Writing about your feelings and experiences can greatly increase the speed of your healing. Scientific evidence says so.

Express Emotions:

Find healthy outlets for expressing your emotions. This might include talking to a trusted friend, engaging in creative activities like art or music, or participating in support groups.

Forgiveness:

Work on forgiving yourself and others involved in the traumatic or difficult experiences. Forgiveness is a process that can lead to emotional freedom. Remember that forgiveness begins with willing to be willing to forgive.

Self-Care:

Prioritize self-care practices that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and relaxation techniques.

Set Boundaries:

Learn to set healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm and to create a safe environment for your healing process.

Educate Yourself:

Educate yourself about trauma and its effects. Understanding the science behind trauma can help demystify your experiences and normalize your feelings.

Support Network:

Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family who can provide emotional support and encouragement. Consider joining support groups with individuals who have similar experiences.

Positive Affirmations:

Practice positive affirmations to boost self-confidence and self-worth. Replacing negative self-talk with affirmations can be transformative. Be aware of how you speak to yourself. Use kind and loving words with yourself.

Professional Growth:

Invest in your personal development and growth. This can include setting and pursuing career goals, acquiring new skills, or exploring new interests. These practices build self-confidence and self-esteem.

Patience and Self-Compassion:

Understand that healing is a journey, and it may have its ups and downs. Be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion, especially during difficult moments.

Gradual Exposure:

If you’re dealing with specific phobias or anxieties related to trauma, consider gradual exposure therapy with a trained therapist to help desensitize those triggers.

Celebrate Progress:

Celebrate small victories along the way. Recognize and honor your progress, no matter how incremental it may seem.

Remember that the journey of letting go and healing is unique to each individual. It’s essential to find the strategies and approaches that work best for you. Seeking professional guidance and support from others who have been there and walked the journey to healing can be a crucial part of this process.

When you “let it go” you can expect several positive changes and transformations in your life. While the specific outcomes will vary from person to person, here are some general expectations:

Emotional Freedom:

Letting go allows you to release pent-up emotions, resentment, anger, or sadness. As a result, you’ll experience emotional freedom and relief from the weight of these negative feelings.

Increased Self-Awareness:

As you work through your past and let go of what no longer serves you, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of yourself. This self-awareness can be a powerful tool for personal growth and making better choices.

Improved Mental Health:

Letting go of trauma and negative experiences can lead to improved mental health. You’ll likely experience reduced anxiety, depression, and overall better psychological well-being.

Enhanced Self-Confidence:

As you heal and gain self-awareness, your self-confidence will naturally increase. You’ll believe in your ability to handle challenges and make positive decisions.

Better Relationships:

Letting go often involves forgiving yourself and others. This forgiveness can lead to healthier relationships as you release grudges and foster more empathetic and compassionate connections with others.

Greater Resilience:

Dealing with and letting go of difficult experiences builds resilience. You’ll be better equipped to face future challenges with a more resilient mindset.

Physical Well-Being:

Emotional healing can have a positive impact on physical health. Reduced stress and emotional baggage can lead to better sleep, improved immune function, and overall physical well-being.

Clarity of Goals and Priorities:

Letting go often involves reevaluating your life’s priorities and goals. You’ll gain clarity on what truly matters to you, which can guide you in making more purposeful decisions.

Opportunities for Growth:

Letting go opens up space for personal growth and new opportunities. You’ll be more open to trying new things, stepping out of your comfort zone, and pursuing your passions.

Happiness and Contentment:

Ultimately, the goal of letting go is to find happiness and contentment in your life. You’ll be better equipped to enjoy the present moment and look forward to the future with optimism.

It’s important to remember that the process of letting go is not a one-time event but an ongoing journey. Healing and personal growth take time, patience, and self-compassion. There may still be challenges and setbacks along the way, but with the right support and strategies, you can continue to move forward toward a more fulfilling and authentic life.

Personal Growth
Featured

AFFIRMATIONS CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Affirmations are short, powerful sentences that can help you overcome negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. An affirmation is anything we say or think, positive or negative. Our self talk is a cascade of affirmations. Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmation. This includes all the negative things we think and say to ourselves. Positive affirmations create love, joy, peace, prosperity, and a sense of well-being for yourself. When affirmations are used thoughtfully and consistently, they are incredibly effective in helping to combat the effects of trauma. To make a change in our life we need to retrain our thinking and speaking into positive patterns. Positive affirmations are the beginning points of change.

It is very easy to concentrate on the negatives in life. The negatives are plentiful. Louise Hay said, “Every complaint is an affirmation of something you think you don’t want in your life. Every time you get angry you are affirming you want more anger in your life. Every time you feel like a victim you are affirming you want to continue to feel like a victim. If you feel like your life does not give you want you want in your life, it is certain you will never have the goodies life gives to others until you change the way you think and talk.” We are not bad people because of the way we talk and think. No one is wrong. We have not been taught how to think and talk.  We have been taught by our parents they way they were taught to think and talk.

It is possible to find the positives and talk to ourselves in positive terms. Talking in a positive manner requires a choice. The choice is to be willing to change your focus, to ignore the negativity that exists and find something positive in every piece of self talk and circumstance we encounter. The choice is to affirm, believe and focus on the good things that float through your mind. What you believe you deserve and what you want can be two very different matters.  It takes effort and determination to change your focus from the negative to the affirmative. Pay attention to your thoughts so you can eliminate the experiences you do not want in your life and create the experiences you desire. It is time for each of us to wake up and begin to consciously create our lives in a way that pleases and support us. 

How Do Affirmations Work?

Affirmations work by re-wiring our brains to focus on the positive rather than the negative. Affirmations help us break free from negative patterns of thinking by teaching our minds to focus more on what we do want rather than what we do not want. Affirmations tell your subconscious that you are taking responsibility and there is something you can do to change. Affirmations create something new in your life. By repeating positive statements aloud (or even just in your head) frequently, we create a new neural pathway in our brains that reinforces these positive thoughts and feelings. This helps us to shift our mindset from one that is dominated by fear and negativity to one that is focused on possibility and growth. Whenever you use an affirmation say it with feeling and meaning.

If you believe that affirmations do not work, you are actually saying you do not know how to use affirmations correctly. You can say things like, “my prosperity is growing” yet think “this is stupid, it does not work.” Which affirmation will win out? If you say your affirmations once a day and complain the rest of the time. Which affirmation will win out? The negative one wins every time. The negative affirmation is part of a long-standing, habitual way of looking at life. It can take a long time for affirmations to work when practiced this way, and probably won’t work at all. People give up and discard the practice as garbage because they did not see results in a short time. In truth, they did not embrace positive affirmations. They allowed negative affirmations to win.

Tips for Incorporating Affirmations into Your Life

The most important tip is to make sure you’re actually using your affirmations regularly! You can incorporate them into your daily life easily with these simple tips:

  1. Write down your affirmations every morning or evening. It’s a great way to start or end your day with something positive. Writing down your affirmations helps you remember them better throughout the day so you can repeat them whenever you need an extra boost of positivity. Put them in your phone. Create a wallpaper or photo show on your phone.
  • Find an affirmation buddy! Having someone else who’s also trying to incorporate affirmations into their life can be really helpful in keeping each other accountable and staying motivated. You can exchange affirmations with each other or even just check in periodically throughout the week to see how it’s going!
  • Put reminders around your house or workspace so you remember to practice your affirmations throughout the day. Post-it notes, sticky tabs, phone reminders, anything you can think of. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Find something that works for you and stick with it!
  • Incorporate music into your practice – create a playlist of songs that make you feel good.  Music has an amazing ability to shift our moods quickly. This is a great way to change your state into a positive frame of mind before starting up with your affirmations for the day!

What Affirmations Should You Use.

The first thing you need to do is determine which area or areas of your life you wish to focus. Once you have made that decision you can find numerous positive affirmations. Write down the ones that ring true with you. Below are some examples. Louise Hay was the Queen of affirmations. Many of the following affirmations were taken from her work, I CAN DO IT. How to Use Affirmations to Change Your Life. Pick and choose the one you will use. If you want some positive affirmations for other areas of your life, send me an email at info@woundedwomenrising.ca. I would be overjoyed to provide what you need.

Begin your affirmation practice with the following declaration:

I allow these affirmations to fill my consciousness knowing they are true for me.

HEALTH

  • I have respect for myself.
  • I accept my body as it is.
  • I love every cell of my body.
  • I make healthy choices.
  • For my own health and well being I am relentlessly positive about everything.
  • I enjoy the foods that are best for my body. I can resist anything if I choose to.
  • I take care of my body.
  • I give my body what it needs on every level.
  • I look forward to a healthy old age.
  • I am constantly discovering new ways to improve my health.
  • Healing happens. My body has what it needs to heal naturally.
  • Perfect health is my divine right. I claim it now.
  • I am grateful for my healthy body.
  • Water is my favorite beverage. I drink lots of water to cleanse my body and mind.
  • Filling my mind with pleasant thoughts is my quickest road to health.

PROSPERITY

  • Everything I need comes to me at the perfect time.
  • I willingly move from poverty thinking to prosperity thinking and my finances reflect this change.
  • I express gratitude for all the good in my life.
  • I deserve all that I desire.
  • Life supplies all my needs in great abundance. I trust life.
  • I am open to the unlimited prosperity that exists everywhere.
  • I am a magnet for money.
  • Wherever it is that I work, I am deeply appreciated and well compensated.
  • Abundance flows freely through me.
  • I pay my bills with love, and I rejoice each time.
  • I deserve the best and I accept the best now.
  • I release all resistance to money, and I allow it to flow joyously into my life.
  • I have all that I need and wealth flows to me in abundance.
  • My prosperity is always increasing.
  • I give thanks for all that I have now and for all of God’s riches.

STRESS FREE LIVING

  • I let go of all fear and doubt.
  • Life is simple and easy for me.
  • I create a stress-free world for myself.
  • I relax all my neck muscles and I let go of all tension in my shoulders.
  • I slowly breathe in and out. I relax more and more with each breath.
  • I am a capable person. I can handle anything that comes my way.
  • I am centered, focused.
  • I feel more secure each day.
  • I express my feelings.
  • I can be serene in any situation.
  • I am comfortable with my finances. I can always pay my bills on time.
  • I trust myself to deal with any problems that arise during the day.
  • I realize that stress is only fear. I now release those fears.
  • I am in the process of positive changes in all areas of my life.
  • My confidence is unshakeable because I live with integrity.

FORGIVENESS

  • The door to my heart opens inwards. I open the door to forgiveness.
  • The world around me changes when I change my thoughts.
  • I am willing to be willing to forgive.
  • The past is over, it has no power now.
  • I refuse to be helpless. I refuse to be a victim. I claim my own power.
  • I give myself the gift of freedom from the past and move with joy into the now.
  • There is no problem too big or too small that it cannot be solved with love.
  • I am ready to be healed. I am willing to forgive. All is well.
  • As I forgive myself it becomes easier to forgive others.
  • I forgive myself for not being perfect.
  • It is safe for me to release all of my childhood traumas and move into love.
  • I forgive everyone from my past for all perceived wrongs. I release them with love.
  • All the changes that lie before me are positive ones and I am safe.
  • I choose to forgive the past and I choose to move into a joyous life.
  • I am living the very best way I know how.

RELATIONSHIPS AND ROMANCE

  • I practice profound self-love.
  • From time to time, I ask those I love, “How can I love you more?”
  • I choose to see clearly with eyes of love. I love what I see.
  • I draw love and romance into my life, and I accept it now.
  • Love is around every corner and joy fills my entire world.
  • I rejoice in the love I encounter every day.
  • I am comfortable looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you. I really really love you.”
  • I deserve love, romance, and joy and all the good life has to offer me.
  • I am surrounded by love. All is well.
  • I am in a joyous, intimate relationship with a person who truly loves me. That person is me.
  • I am beautiful and everybody loves me.
  • I am greeted by love wherever I go.
  • I attract only healthy relationships.
  • I am always treated well.
  • I am very thankful for all the love in my life.
  • I find love everywhere.

SELF-ESTEEM

  • I am totally adequate for all situations.
  • I choose to feel good about myself.
  • I am worthy of my own love.
  • I stand on my own two feet. I accept and use my own power.
  • It is safe for me to speak up for myself.
  • I am loved and accepted exactly as I am right now.
  • My self esteem is high because I honour who I am.
  • My life gets more fabulous each day. I look forward to what each new hour brings.
  • I am neither too little nor too much. I do not have to prove myself to anyone.
  • Life supports me in every possible way.
  • My consciousness is filled with healthy loving thoughts that reflect themselves in my experience.
  • The greatest gift I give myself is unconditional love.
  • I love myself exactly as I am.
  • I am the master of my mind.
  • I am a pure powerful soul.

Today is a new day. Today is the day you begin to create a new joyous life. Today is the day to release all of your limitations. You can change your life for the better. You have the tools within you to create the life you desire. These tools are your thoughts and beliefs. Affirmations are powerful tools for shifting your perspective from one dominated by fear and negativity towards one focused on possibility and growth. With consistent practice, affirmations can help us break patterns of negative thinking and we learn to respond more positively to challenging situations in our lives. I trust this article has given you some practical tips about how to start incorporating affirming statements into your everyday life. Start this new practice and watch how your life will change.

Happy Affirming!

Personal Growth
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PASSION

What is passion? What comes to mind when you say the word passion?

It is a word often bandied about to promote the latest item to be desired, or acquired.

Why is the word associated with the colour red?

Why are certain women portrayed or described as a fiery woman, independent women … the passionate Italian actress, Sophia Loren. Golden Globe winner, Racquel Welch, even Katherine Hepburn and Sofía Vergara. Does their passion for their work or their lives make them independent, out-spoken?

Or does our society simply label them as such, because they speak their truth?

Is passion something that exists in all of us?

In researching this article I asked a number of people what is it that they are passionate about?

Many answered that their passion stemmed from their talent. If it was music, or art, or composition or fashion, or cooking. Sport also ranked highly on the list , both competing in sport or watching sports.

What all these things have in common is that they are creative pursuits.

Our creativity is something that defines us as humans.

In the yogic tradition the creativity energy lies in the 2nd chakra. This is the area just below the navel, in the center of the lower belly at the front and the lumbar spine at the back. The pelvic area is also where our fertility rests, our creative center.

As women so much of our life is affected by our fertility. Be it preventing a pregnancy, encouraging a pregnancy, carrying a pregnancy , becoming mothers and all the creativity that comes with that. Yes, negotiating with a toddler is a creative endeavour. As is communicating with a teenager.

That creative energy never leaves us. It may be transmuted into different venues.

What are you passionate about? What kick starts you to do that “thing” that you choose to do?

Whether you are a maiden/woman/mother/grandmother, with or without a child, that sacred part of you, your passion is an essential gift that you bring to the world.

Let’s embrace our passions. Let’s encourage one another to share what matters to you.

To stifle this energy is a disservice to ourselves and to the greater good.

We were all created with a red hot, fiery passion. Something that sets our hearts on fire, something we can talk for hours on when the spark is lit.

Let us get excited. Embrace that joy and let loose with abandon. Fear not what others may think. We are not thinking. We are being. We are doing. We are creating that Life that is worth living. We are making some noise, banging our toys and scaring the boys. That vast well of creative energy is there for you to use. Let’s shake things up. Let’s create something great.

Personal Growth
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Building Self Esteem

There is and has been much talk about self-esteem. Have you ever wondered why there is a lot of chatter about it? Have you wondered why self-esteem is so important? Or do you glance at those articles out of the corner of your eye, give it a humph and move on?

I often would glance at the article, give it humph and move on. That was until my self-esteem was no where to be found. This has happened to me more than once in my life. To be open and honest with you, my self-esteem was absent three times in my life.

I was one of those kids who believed what people in authority told me. As a kid we were told you don’t question those in authority. I didn’t question them – out loud. I did, however question their words in my mind and heart but never out loud.  As an adult I see that never allowing a child to question anyone is detrimental to their mental health.

When a person in authority tells you, “You’re too stupid” or “You’ll never amount to much” or are criticized for what you do repeatedly, you start to believe them. I figured they knew something I didn’t. I do admit I wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I was far from stupid. I stuttered. I learned differently than most kids in my class. I needed extra time to grasp the concepts. I also asked too many “why” questions. I needed the world to make sense to me. No one had time for those who are different. Those who are different required too much, and no one wanted to put in the time or effort to discover what made those who are different, different.

Eventually I learned to be invisible. I learned to be an observer rather than a participant. I preferred to be in the background. There were times I put myself out there to be seen. Those were fun times. It wasn’t long after that, that I would be put in my place again by a comment from one in authority. This cycle repeated itself throughout my life. This cycle eroded my self-esteem.

What do you do with eroded self-esteem? I went looking for it. I was a frequent visitor to the self-help section at the library. I read about self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth. I knew I had to do more than read. I had to do something about it. The first thing I did was find something I was good at. Through trial and error, I found that I was good at creating things with my hands. I took classes on things I was interested in. I worked in a craft shop so I could learn more. I started teaching others to do what I was learning.

I learned that as I spent time with people who had similar interests, they liked me, and I also started to like myself. I began to take better care of myself. I saw that I had value and could positively contribute to my world. I became excited about what I was doing, and imagining owning a business.  I did start my own business teaching others to create with their hands. I felt successful when people signed up and paid for my knowledge.

I learned to be kind to myself. I talked to myself using positive words. I decided how I wanted to treat others. I decided how I would treat myself. I spoke to myself with kindness and affection. I believed in myself and my abilities. I accepted my limitations but did not accept that I could not overcome them.

I had to make some really difficult decisions; decisions that affected not just me but my children as well. I learned that making difficult decisions doesn’t kill a person. Making those decisions can actually keep you alive. I also learned that with those decisions, there may come some guilt and doubt. Both guilt and doubt can be overcome. I learned to sit with the doubts and the guilt until the feelings went away. I would have a good angel, bad angel conversation. The good angel would speak kindly. The bad angel would laugh at the good angel and “tell me how it really is”. These two would go back and forth until I had relived the entire relationship and I decided that I would not and could not go back to THAT! Then I would pick myself up, dust myself off and forge ahead.

I learned it is okay to assert oneself. This was one of the scariest things I ever did. Asserting oneself when you have learned to disappear is super hard. I do not remember the first time I asserted myself. I do remember the feelings that went with it. I was nauseous. I had sweaty palms and armpits. My legs shook uncontrollably. I thought I would poop myself. I thought I would collapse. I wanted to run away. Nothing bad happened when I asserted myself. The outcome was pretty good. I got what I needed. No one hated me for asserting myself.

One of my counsellors suggested acting confidently even when I did not feel like it. This was hard, really hard. I am not one to fake it until you make it. I found that reciting positive affirmations was helpful. Over the past 4 years I have accumulated over 160 affirmations I can turn to. I recite what I need for a few days or weeks. During those days and weeks my mind believes what I am telling it. My confidence increases exponentially.

I built my self-esteem by taking part in activities that I enjoyed. I learned that I did not have to do only what others wanted to do.  I opened myself up to new experiences that I wanted to pursue. I have always liked music. My interests were not too varied. I started to listen to other genres of music other than rock and country. I now enjoy a wide variety of music including symphonies and opera. I learned to golf and love the game but not for competitive reasons. I started gardening and decided that I like flowers a whole lot better than vegetables. I figure there is a farmers’ market close by. I will buy my vegetables. I like to ride a bike. I am a destination cyclist. Riding a bike for the sake of riding a bike just isn’t for me. I like being on the water in a boat. I do not like fishing.  I like sitting by a river and reading. I love downhill skiing. I’m not really good at it but I enjoy the thrill of coasting down a mountain. I like to stop on occasion and take in my surroundings. Discovering what I like and don’t like has helped to build my self-esteem.

One of my coaches keeps telling me to focus only on the positives. This develops my positive mental attitude. I, like you, can focus on the negative aspects of life. There are so many of them. It takes effort to focus on the positives. Focusing on the positives and building a positive mental attitude is so worth it. It has become a way of life. I am constantly looking for the positive in any and every situation. This includes the way I talk to myself. When my self-talk starts to become negative, I turn it around by focusing on the positives. It is not always easy to find the positive in any situation. Trust me, positives are there. I have found it helpful to stop and breathe. If I have to, I remove myself from the situation so I can get clarity. The more I do this, the faster I can find a positive. Then, I focus on the positive.

Here is a simple exercise you can do to build a positive mental attitude.

  1. Notice each enjoyable thing that happens to you during your day, even if it seems insignificant.
  2. Keep these moments in your mind or write them down in a notebook you carry with you. I do this at the end of each day. I call it my Joy Moments journal. Before going to bed I review my day. I pick up on the moments that brought me joy, such as the words or actions of a child, a conversation with a friend, a goal I achieved or something I heard or read that brought a smile to my face. This journal does not have any space for my struggles or upsets. This is for joy moments only.
  3. Over the coming weeks you will notice that these events are increasing in number and that some of them are not only fleeting moments of joy but that they are having an impact on your future.
  4. Review your entries from time to time. You will see that you do have a very good life.

Creating a positive mental attitude is a giant step in building self-esteem.

We have heard that meditating cleans your head-space. It’s true. I have found meditating to be a beautiful practice. We should all do something beautiful for ourselves. Through meditating I am able to see things more clearly. I listen to my heart instead of my head. My head is full of what other people say. My heart knows me. My heart is a better leader than my head will ever be. When I take the time to listen to my heart, I know who I am. I know what I want. I know what I value. I am a kinder person. I am a more loving person. I can handle life better.

Building my self-esteem has been like meeting an old friend, maybe even – a new friend. I like the girl I see in the mirror. She’s not perfect because perfection is an illusion. She still has a whole world of discoveries to make. She is a perfect creation of God. I pray that each of you will find a way to develop your self-esteem. You are worth it. You are a perfect creation of God. It is time to discover her.

Healing Practices
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Healing

Healing

To heal is to make whole.  To heal is to be happy.  Happiness and health go hand in hand.

When we are operating at our maximum potential we are happy, energetic, enthusiastic, and joyful.  We are a pleasure to be around, and we are social.  We like ourselves and others.

When illness, stress, worry, pain, anxiety and fear upset our biological balance.  We get cranky.

We complain, we have a difficult time to see the joy in the moment.  The items, activities, and people that would usually add  to our enjoyment, don’t.   Our thoughts turn to the lower energy frequencies of hopelessness, depression, anger and despair.  We want to rant, cry, bitch about something, anything, everything.    “I am not happy. I don’t feel good.  I am angry. I am disappointed.  I am despondent.  I am hurt.  My body hurts, my feelings hurt, my mind hurts.  I have no joy. No love, no fun, no goodness. Nothing good ever happens for me”

Peace to you my child. The goodness is always with you.  The peace resides within you.

There is a wonderful way to heal. It has been in existence since the beginning. It is pure.

Healing is a profound journey that extends beyond the conscious mind.  In reality, healing starts with the non-conscious.   It involves the creative energy that gives life to all living things.  The Latin word bios means life .

Zoran Hochstatter , expert, author, speaker, filmmaker, innovator in Biofield Therapy and the key educator behind Purebioenergy Training says, ” Bioenergy is the life sustaining force of the Universe.  There is no life without Bioenergy.”  

The information of health is contained within this bioenergy.  All forces of the universe, including human consciousness , are transformations of this cosmic energy.

Every living being has a biofield.  The biofield is the energetic, electro-magnetic essence of each living thing. It is  affected by the environment, our thoughts, and habits. The biofield communicates at the speed of light with every cell in our bodies.  The body is  self-healing.

Purebioenergy restores and balances bioenergetic information to activate the body’s own innate healing mechanisms.   Purebioenergy addresses the information/ frequency of Health , not illness.  Transmission of this information of Health, adjusts and balances the biofield to restore health on all the levels of the human existence – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

When a person is under stress, be it physical, mental or environmental, their immune system will break at its weakest point.   Cells become weak, misinformed, confused and do not function as they should.    

Information contained in this pure, coherent, all-knowing energy, helps reactivate the immune system to operate at its best.  The immune system spreads this performance-enhancing “information” to all the cells and enables the body to heal at source.  Bioenergy is intelligent and knows what the body needs.  This means it has the power to create or recreate well-being of the person.  It happens on the physical level, emotional level, the mental level and the spiritual level. ”  

Purebioenergy Healing Therapy is structured, precise and effective.

Healing happens when the whole is restored in it’s optimal state.  When your biofield is balanced, you are healthy and happy. Life flows through you.  Joy, confidence, peace, harmony fill you.  This journey may include a transformational shift in how one chooses to be in the world.   In so doing, you not only benefit yourself but the ripple effect of happy, healthy people will  be positive to all.   

Life is good.  

Blog Posts Navigating Life Changes
Featured

Wisdom

Wisdom is a word we hear a lot. We all seek it. We believe life will be better if we have it. But can you define it? It struck me last week that Judy and I talk a lot about wisdom. Our website tag line is “The Wounded Woman’s Way to Wisdom.” So, what do we mean? What drives us to lead you into wisdom?

Let me start by defining wisdom.

Wisdom, sapience, or sagacity is the ability to contemplate and act productively using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense, and insight.

Wikipedia

When I first read this definition, I paused. I realized that no one escapes gaining wisdom. As we live our lives, we all gain knowledge, experience, and insight. Most of us gain understanding or common sense, but not everyone. We cannot escape obtaining wisdom. We can, however, lack the ability to contemplate and act productively. When you live your life with “your head stuck in the sand” or being oblivious, you may miss the opportunities to act on what you have gained through experience. When we do not take responsibility for our actions we are not performing in our wisdom.

Why is wisdom such a big deal? Wisdom is key to making choices that bring joy. We all seek joy. Joy appears elusive to most. Could it be we do not experience joy because we are lacking in the pursuit or exercise of wisdom?

During my research for this article and years of seeking wisdom I was and am aware that wisdom is normally referred to in the feminine. Wisdom is called “she” and “her” in scripture. The book of Proverbs is full of thoughts on wisdom and refers to wisdom in the feminine. For example, “Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Proverbs 3:15

Wisdom is said to originate with God and God gives wisdom.

The Koran says that only Allah has wisdom and gives intelligence at his will.

Buddha says wisdom can be reached by knowing the impermanent nature of all objects we hanker after and annihilate cravings for them. Wisdom is knowledge.

Hinduism says that wisdom is higher than knowledge obtained by reasoning and inference. The path to wisdom is meditation, self inquiry, and contemplation.

Humanism states that wisdom comes from many diverse sources but is primarily something that develops over time through sharing and challenging of ideas.

Our Indigenous People say that wisdom is about the interconnectedness of all things. Wisdom deepens understanding. Wisdom is gained experience. Knowledge is to know the difference between wisdom and knowledge and accept responsibility and accountability. Wisdom is the future.

I found this online at mooshwalks.com. They say wisdom is a virtue that is not innate but can only be acquired through experience. Anyone who is interested in trying new things and reflecting has the ability to gain wisdom. This website says to

  • try new things,
    • talk to people you do not know and listen,
    • do things the hard way,
    • make mistakes,
    • share your wisdom with others.

For our community wisdom is not something to be attained. It is something to be developed as we heal from our traumas, our mistakes, and the mistakes we see others make. Wisdom is developed when we celebrate our successes, For us wisdom is the pursuit of knowledge to share with you so you can heal and become whole. Judy and I actively search for the wisdom others have received and shared to help you. Judy and I have walked the path of trauma throughout our lives. We have managed situations we wish we could take back and get a do-over. We have managed situations the best we could with the information we had at the time. We have been brave. We have been crushed. We have been restored to a place where helping other women navigate the waters of healing is the deepest desire of our souls.

We believe that when one woman heals, a community is healed. The life of one woman touches so many people. Heal her. Heal her community. Teach her and you teach her community. Love her and she loves her community. This is what drives us in the pursuit of wisdom.

Blog Posts Navigating Life Changes
Featured

Running towards vs running away from something

I have always been a runner. I like the feeling of lightness, exuberance and joy, running in the woods brings me. I like hearing the crunch of the leaves, or the squeaky cushion of the new grass. I like smelling the earth’s many changing fragrances, from spring’s damp musty revival to summer’s fresh bright green scent to the autumn’s yellow gold crisp aroma of harvest’s transition.

I often run with a song in my head. I don’t wear headphones. The songs are just the playlist and the rhythms that accompany me on this journey of life.

So often the scurry of a squirrel or chipmunk will catch my attention. A garter snake may slither across the path, as I jump up to avoid treading on its tail. Being in the forest, or meadow, or riverbank brings all of the 5 senses to the forefront. Yes, even taste as water tastes better when the air around one is clean.

There is another reason why I enjoy running. Running brings my mind into alignment. The chatter that accompanies me daily can be filtered out. It is necessary to focus on the inhale and exhale as the heart pumps, and the lungs expand to fill the need for more oxygen. The rhythm of a footfall, one step leading to the next, creates synergy. The rigid limitations of my brain start to become flexible. The challenge of a complex tax form, is as attainable as the steep incline up a pine needled strewn hill. Place one foot in front of the other, even if you have to slow to a walk or a crawl. When you get really tired, stop and walk.

Something worth pondering on this journey is: are we running towards something? Or are we running away from something. It can be a combination of the two. The difference is in how one chooses to feel about what you are running towards or away from.

At one time, I knew I was running away from the noise, chaos, and emotional upheaval of where and how I was living. I couldn’t wait to get my shoes on and get out that door. When I got balanced, got the emotions out, I could come back and manage the activities that had to be done. Eventually, a decision had to be made to change the template, because running away from it would not solve the problem. It was a coping tactic. It gave me the outlet needed until I had the courage, wisdom and energy to make a big decision to change. I am grateful for the ladies that I had the opportunity to run with along those trails, and roads. Each of them has a story worth sharing.

When we set a goal, we give ourselves something to run toward. If you want to complete a 10K race or an obstacle race, you start by training to reach small objectives. The first 5K accomplished, the first 25 pushups, the first time you sign up and show up for your own objective. I encourage you to celebrate those successes along the training trail. Don’t wait til the final tape is crossed. Celebrate and build on your successes. They are successes. Each one carrying you towards the next success. Have a look at how you define your success. Just showing up and giving your best is a success. It is personal.

Forgive yourself if you don’t accomplish what you set out to do. Rest, renew and start again. Remember you are not your accomplishments. You are not your degree, your accreditations, your last promotion. You are You. That beautiful creative spirit, shining out, that thought of God.

Have a look at what you are running towards. Is it your heart’s desire? Is it what society tells us we are to seek? Can you refine your goal and put it in alignment with what your heart truly wants? Can you commit to that which brings you joy? What would change if you were to do that?

Set your objective, adjust your visor and lace up your shoes. Take those first steps on a new path. Soon you will be finding your stride, focusing on the rhythm and feeling the elation as you round the bend and head up that hill. The view is worth it. The joy is worth it. You are worth it.

Blog Posts Emotions
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We Are Love

We are all love and spirit beings, no matter who we are or where we come from. We are all connected in our spirits, which allows us to see the beauty in each other, even when it is difficult to do so. When someone has hurt us or made decisions that have damaged our trust in them, we can remember that they too are a spirit being. They may have acted out of fear or lack of love, but this does not make them any less worthy of compassion. I know it is difficult to consider the other person when they have wronged and hurt you. However, when we see them as fellow broken humans we can turn from anger to compassion.

It is important to recognize that although there may be actions that someone has taken that you do not approve of or condone, it is essential to differentiate between the person and their actions. When a child strikes another person, are we able to separate the action from the child? Do you start calling the child a devil or other awful names? Or do you remove the child and instruct them on their behaviour?

It cannot be assumed that because one action was wrong, the person that committed it is completely bad. We have all heard that we should give the benefit of the doubt. Giving the benefit of the doubt means to believe something good about someone, rather than something bad.  We have the choice of doing either. Every individual has a unique spirit, and as such should be treated as an individual rather than defined by their past choices and actions.

We can also remember that those who hurt will in turn become hurtful. By understanding this cycle of pain, we can cultivate empathy and compassion for those whom we perceive to have wronged us, if we realize that they acted out of fear or lack of love. There may be times when it is best to distance ourselves from people who have been damaging in our lives, yet we still need to remember our connection in spirit.

Consider this example. The relationship with your sister is strained and has been most of your life. Do you treat her the way she treats you? Do you distance yourself from her to minimize the effect she has on you? Do you try to understand her behaviour? My experience says that option 2 and 3 are the best ways to go. Option one only leaves you feeling bad about yourself. Option one is sandbox mentality. To rise above the situation, put some distance between the two of you. When your emotions are calm you could try to understand her behaviour. You may not come to a place of understanding. That is okay. Distance is an effective way to manage the situation – even during family gatherings. I do not see distance as being a way to run away. I see distance as a positive mental health strategy and setting healthy boundaries.

Ultimately, remembering that we are all love and spirit beings, brings greater peace and harmony into our lives. No matter how broken or scared someone might seem on the outside, we can keep in mind that at their core they are love. After all, God is Love and we are a thought of God. Then it follows that we each have an innate capacity for love. It is this spiritual connection between us which allows us to act in a loving manner towards one another, even during times of difficulty or strife.

It is important to consider that despite the circumstances of our lives and the challenges we face, no one can ever take away our worth as spirit beings. Others and God love us, and more importantly than anything else, we are lovable! Let us strive towards creating a world where every person can feel secure in knowing that their spirit is worthy of respect and compassion. By embodying this truth, we can all become more connected in love.

Blog Posts Navigating Life Changes
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Judgements

If you’re like me, you’ve experienced some form of trauma in your life. And if you’re anything like me, you might also be prone to being judged by others because of it. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to be who you are, and that no one deserves to be judged for their trauma. Keep reading to find out why.

We all make judgements.

It is inevitable that we make judgements about other people – whether we realize it or not. These judgements can lead to pain and difficulty with our relationships. But while it may seem hard, the best thing we can do is try to be aware of your own judgements and be mindful of how those judgements may affect those around us. The important thing to remember is that everyone is just doing their best, even if it doesn’t look the same as yours.

Why do we judge others? 

Judging others is something we’ve all done, but why do we do it? Is it because deep down, we’re scared of them and/or their differences? Or maybe it’s because their behavior doesn’t fit our idea of what’s “normal”. Since we are unable to understand it, we make assumptions about them. Whatever the reason may be, it’s clear that judging people isn’t a healthy habit to have. Instead of looking for the negatives in someone else’s life, try to see the good that others bring. This practice can make us more tolerant and open-minded people and give us a chance to become better versions of ourselves.

Can we break down the barriers that our judgements create between us and others?

Breaking down the barriers created by judgement can seem like a difficult challenge. In reality, it is one of the simple things to do. All it takes is a little vulnerability and an open mind – something that a lot of people are scared of. Because we have been judged should we be actively judging others? Is there a possibility that because we know the hurt of being judged we can stop the cycle of “you hurt me, now I get to hurt you”? If the person who hurt you is not in the line of fire, could we quit taking it out on the next person who comes into your field of vision?

If we worked to view the world around us through a different lens, we would be choosing to challenge ourselves and our perspective. Instead of seeing the worst in people, what if we actively chose to seek out the best? While it may not always be the easiest path to take, the personal growth we can gain from taking this approach is invaluable. By recognizing and appreciating the good within someone, we open ourselves up to a more meaningful connection with that person. It’s never too late to start noticing all of the wonderful things that are waiting for us as soon as we make a conscious effort to look for them!

A few months ago, I ran into someone at the mall that I had gone to school with a way back when. I hadn’t ever really talked to them much before and honestly, the first time we’d ever interacted wasn’t memorable in a good way. So, when I saw them, I expected it to be awkward and maybe even hostile. But instead, they treated me like an old friend and joked around with me while we caught up on our lives. In that moment, I couldn’t help but realize how wrong my first judgement of them had been; my mind was completely changed at the fact they were just so warm and kind. It left me thinking twice about judging people on appearances or quick conversations afterward; you never fully know what someone is like until you’ve gotten to know them better!

We all have certain prejudices and biases – it’s unavoidable, but that doesn’t mean we should shy away from challenging them. We have the ability to think critically. We have the ability to ask ourselves why we’re feeling a certain way. We have the ability to work through our judgemental assumptions. 

If we want to make progress in creating more unity between ourselves and the people around us, stop being so quick to judge and start having conversations with people who think differently than we do. During open conversations we may even learn why they judged us in the first place. When we come together and openly discuss our opinions while understanding that we may disagree at times, it helps us become more tolerant of each other’s beliefs which creates a safe environment where relationships can grow. 

Join me in making a conscious effort to see the best in people; when we look past surface-level differences, we may find qualities we deeply connect with. We won’t always be proven right in our judgements of those around us, but isn’t it better to give someone a chance than jump to conclusions?

Is there one thing you can do today or be aware of today to ease your burden of judgmental thinking? Be kind to yourself and others; recognize where our minds take us when it comes to assessing someone else’s character. 

We’re all human beings with feelings, flaws, strengths, and worries. Champion yourself in being open minded towards others. Consciously let go of judgement, so that meaningful connections can be established with those that share the same world. Let us take actions together towards breaking down these limits. You never know what kind of meaningful connection you just might find!

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the fragrance emitted by the violet as it is crushed by the heel that treads upon it. (Mark Twain)

Have you ever heard someone say, “I will say I am sorry but I am not going to forgive you.”

From a young age, we are taught forgive and forget. 

Just as  nutritionally, our cells grow from  what we consume, absorb the vitamins and detox the remainder.   Emotionally, spiritually to grow we also need to have an experience, learn from the experience, and detox what is not good for us.  Get rid of it. Let it go.

Imagine if the garbage did not get collected every 2 weeks.  How much rotting stuff would accumulate?  What would that do to the smell, and comfort of your home?  What would that waste attract? Mice, rats, flies, creepie crawlies?   If we do not take out the emotional refuse/garbage that stink, accumulates. It increases. 
There is a Proverbs saying bitterness rots the bones. A bitter mindset affects our whole being.  It rots the bones.  We are energetic beings.  Holding on to the hurts, pain, anger, feelings of betrayal locks us into a cycle of pain.  When one harbours an emotional pain, it will become a physical pain. To heal a physical pain, forgive an emotional pain. Forgiving releases the grip the pain has on you.  

Imagine the issue you have, with yourself or with someone else.  Holding the grudge, the hurt, the anger, and below the anger,  the fear hurts you.  You cannot receive anything when you have a closed hand. By holding onto these issues, we close our hands, and we close our hearts.  Eventually we poison our minds. To end this cycle, start at the high end.  Start with an old mediation prayer from Hawaii.

This is the prayer called The  Ho’oponopono .  It translates to the correction. It can be said with eyes closed. Think of the transgression, the person or the situation. Repeat this phrase aloud 7 or 8 times.

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

I forgive you.

I love you.

Thank you.

The remorse, forgiveness, gratitude and love will change the energy.  Even if a person has passed away, or you are not speaking with them, say it.   There is always 2 sides to every disagreement.  Acknowledging our contribution, I am sorry.  Ask for forgiveness. Release.  Give forgiveness. Release. Love from the agape love, the humanity love, remembering we are love. Be thankful. Have gratitude for the lesson, the relationship, the past, the love.

It may take more than one time to release an old, imbedded hurt.  Keep at it. When the hurt arises, say it again.  This is for your well-being. Your heart health. Your body will be freer, or flexible.  Your thoughts will be clear and without malice or angst.  Your heart will be open.  You will be able to receive. Watch for the changes. Expect the miracles.

If you need help with this, contact us.  I have discovered that through Purebioenergy Healing Therapy many things I have encountered through life, I have been able to heal. To let go of the pain, worry, and bitterness that binds us.

This is a Big thing I had to forgive.  When I was in my early 30’s, I was going to a local Fertility Clinic . I had met Dr. Daya through the clinic on Pine St. in Kitchener.  He suggested to go to the MacMaster Clinic as it was superior to the clinic we had been attending.  After many tests, (many which I had already done), he recommended a surgical procedure that was quite significant. Cutting and changing the uterus shape, called a Tompkins Metroplasty.  I did not feel comfortable with this type of invasive procedure. It had a long 6 week recouperation period.  I declined.  He brought it back up at a meeting when my then husband( now ex) was present. My ex told me that I had to comply and get this surgery done.  Even while awaiting the surgery, my intuition was screaming at me. Get up, leave , just walk away.  I did have the surgery. It was shoddily completed with the students doing the final stitching up. There was damage to nerves, muscles were cut and not properly stitched. It created a ridge on my abdomen which has never flattened out.

A number of years later, I received a letter from MacMaster Hospital that an inquiry and lawsuit was in process, as this outdated surgical procedure by Dr. Daya had been done on women who did not even have the issue, the surgery was meant to correct.  I was one of those 35 women who did not have anything wrong with my uterus. It was healthy. Dr. Daya committed medical fraud, damaging 189 women, some permanently disabled as a result.   My physical body was damaged by him. My emotional body was affected resulting in a big lack of trust. There are many layers to this unnecessary trauma.  The only thing I can do is to address how I feel, and think and act.  I choose to heal.  During a Purebioenergy Healing Therapy healing session many years later, Zoran, my mentor, asked me whether there was something that I was angry about.  I didn’t think I was angry.  Unrecognized anger can show up looking like depression. I am grateful to say I have healed from this.  All of it. It no longer defines me in anyway. You can forgive and release carrying the burden of it.

What do you want to release, forgive and need to let go of?   

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. (Mark Twain)

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FEAR

FEAR

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Yup I said it.   This Thing that hovers around like a black entity waiting to pounce, or smother, or consume my confidence.    I struggle with Fear. 

I can call it lots of different names.   Resistance, lack of initiative, my word of the week, procrastination.

What is it really?  Fear of being judged,  fear of being seen,  fear of being authentic, fear that if people really knew what I felt, or thought, they would not Like me.  Fear of being ostrasized or worse.  Shame, humility, rejection, exclusion. 

Fear permeates so many areas of our life.  Walking outside in the dark, travelling to a new place alone, public speaking.  Fear of heights, fear of water, fear of flying,  fear of catching an illness, fear of getting old, fear of meeting people who are different, fear of people who are the same, complacency. There are all kinds of fears around money, not enough of it, how to keep it, how to increase it, fear of losing it.

Fear of loss, and fear of being alone have entire industries built around these fears.

There is nothing wrong with being afraid of something, someone or the unknown.

What is detrimental to us is to let the fear overrule the potential for joy.

My friend, Sue Crutcher often says that SCARED and SACRED are the same word with the letters changed around.

To change the letters around, we can change our thoughts around the Fear that holds us bound.

And when I say bound, I mean bound, tied up, restrained, restricted from being free.  One of the physical aspects to intense fear and anxiety is constipation.  Even your butt knows this is not good for you.  Butt seriously, folks. 

Fear takes a toll on the physical body. It causes so many ailments. Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life addresses many of the root causes of physical issues.  Acne, eczema, back pain, fibromyalgia all stem from various fears.  The beautiful thing is we can do something to alleviate it, dispel and free us from these fears.

First take stock.  This past week I have been feeling a malaise.  I woke up with headaches, my back and hips hurt.  I have been fatigued but awake at night. I feel like something is irritating me.

 I asked for Help.

I prayed about it. I spoke to my dear friend whose counsel I value.   I realized I have been doing the Avoid Dance.  When I am afraid of something, I AVOID IT.  I find all kinds of things to do to NOT do the thing I should do.  Yesterday at 2am, I was scrubbing the bathroom tiles, because I was awake and I was avoiding what I was supposed to be doing.   I spend time in my head, thinking.  Not doing.

This is the FREEZE response of the parasympathetic response system.  We fight, we flee or we freeze.

Recognize what your own response to the Fear is.   Do you fight? Get angry at your spouse, or children?

Do you fight or squash your own internal voice or intuition?  Do you run away, move, quit?

It takes a bit of retrospection to understand our responses.  This is where the growth or healing comes in. 

The next step is to name the fear.  Once we shine the light onto it, it will not seem so overwhelming.

One definition of Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.  It may be that our perception of the beast is bigger than the beast is.  Ever hear a noise a night, and imagine it is mouse, only to discover it is a tree branch scrapping against the eavestrough?

Say what it is that makes you feel afraid, or shameful, or resistant, or angry.

  Face the fear. (NB IF you are in an abusive situation, Do not do this step alone.  Go to a safe place and have informed people help you).

One of the fears we carry with us during the human experience is the fear of our full potential.

IF we could comprehend our full potential, we would be fearless. 

You are a thought of God.  You are creative, limitless, and free.  You have the ability to love on a quantum level. That love is an inherent part of your DNA.

Fear causes us to restrict, pull in, shut down.  Love expands, flows, enlightens and opens us to new opportunities and growth. There is no fear in love; Perfect love drives out all fear.

When we allow ourselves to feel that immense love, it frees us. Love gives us courage.  It brings confidence.  So, is perhaps fear just a lack of love?  A love of others, a love of self, a love of life.  Forgive yourself. 

Imagine if your life was cloaked in love, what would you be less afraid to do?

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I’m So Sorry

Do Not Apologize for Who You Are

When I started delving into the realm of healing from my traumatic past and self development, I noticed that I apologized a lot. I apologized for my feelings, my opinions, my looks, my clothes. I even apologized for other people. For reasons I cannot explain I took responsibility for their thoughts and actions. I was constantly playing catch up with others. I was trying to become what other people wanted me to be. I was driving myself crazy trying to “measure up.” Any time I thought I measured up the bar was moved. The only thing I exceled at was the losing battle.  I did not embrace who I was. I denied me. I denied my own mind. I denied my own heart, my own soul. No wonder my life seemed to be such a mess. I gave my power away.

I figured out that apologizing was identical to agreeing that there was something inherently wrong with me. I have met women who do the same thing. I have met women who have suffered traumatic circumstances in life who do the same thing. We have been told that we aren’t good enough, we are dumb, stupid, and useless. And we apologize. We are so busy surviving that we cannot take the time to make sense of what is being said to us. Our energy is consumed trying to anticipate the next attack and walking on eggshells so another attack will not happen. The life a traumatized woman is lived in fear. And she apologises for that.

Once the traumatized woman is free of the circumstances the apologies do not stop. The apologies do not stop until she has space to breathe and seeks help. I got tired of apologizing. I was sick and tired of apologizing for what I did not do. I was tired of apologizing for who I am. I was tired of apologizing for another person’s behaviour. I sought help. When I sought help, I was told I was an abused woman. I did not identify as one until I saw the ugliness, I lived in.

What does an apology for who you are do to you? Apologizing for who you are kills your soul. That is a very blunt statement. It is truth. When you apologize for who you are you deny your divinity. You deny the truth of who God made you to be. You deny what you know is true about you. You let someone else define who you are. Who you are is not the decision of someone else. Who you are is up to you and only you.

The process of personally defining who you are is not an easy one. I can tell you with 100 percent certainty it is necessary and extremely rewarding. Defining yourself is an act of self love, the divine act of self love. Who better to lavish this love on than yourself? So, let us talk about how to stop apologizing. Some of this you will have read in past posts. I may sound like a broken record. However, I believe, that repetition is the mother of all skill.

KNOW YOUR TRUTH

We are often worried about what other people will think of us. We are fearful that we will not fit in. When we are focused on what other people think of us, we are caught up in someone else’s world. We lose focus on our world. I am not saying that we should only be concerned about our own world and be selfish. Quite the contrary. We live in relationship with others all the time. We need to be concerned with others, however, should we be so concerned with their world and ignore our own? Consider this. What are you not doing to make yourself feel good? Where is your time and energy going? Are you so focused on others you are tired and worn out or burnt out? Whose opinion are you taking into consideration? Why are you making someone else’s opinion greater than your opinion about yourself?

REMEMBER THAT NO ONE IS PERFECT

It is time to stop playing the comparison game. Each and every one of us is unique. So unique in fact that even identical multiple birth children do not have identical DNA. Perfect people are an illusion. Perfect people are only showing you the best of themselves. Remember we all struggle. We all have flaws. We all have dust under our beds and skeletons in the closet. Culture has taught us that it is possible to be perfect. Commercial creators are excellent at showing us what could be if we did the same as so and so or had the same stuff as our neighbour. Cut the noise on that. Embrace your uniqueness. Flaunt it! Celebrate it! Love it!!

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE

There is always a choice. Stay true to your convictions and your values. Do not allow ANYONE to tell you what you should be or not be. Do not allow ANYONE to interfere with who you are. Do not waiver because of someone else’s opinion. Be strong. Be confident. Build your confidence. You are a blessed soul, carved by the hand of God.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE

Who wants to be around those who are negative? Who wants to be around those who constantly find fault? Who wants to be around someone who criticize everything? Who wants to be around people who think others are the cause of all their problems? Being in the presence of positive people affects us. Their positivity and cheerful personalities rub off on us. Being around them brings us joy and warms our hearts. Oh my gosh, give me some of that!

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Practice self love. When you have made a mistake, own up to it. Apologize for that, not who you are. We all make mistakes. Give yourself a hug, say I love you and do your best to put it behind you. Being kind to yourself allows you to become emotionally flexible. You are equipped to navigate challenging emotions and challenging situations. You are capable of connecting with yourself and others.

PRACTICE POSITIVE SELF TALK

A while back we did a 30 day I AM Challenge on Facebook.  The premise behind the challenge was positive self talk. When we use I AM statements we are rewiring our brains. It is like our brain sits up and takes notice of what comes after the statement I AM. The I AM statements soak down deep into our souls and become our reality.

STOP APOLOGIZING

Only apologize when you own your mistakes. You are a dear wonderful soul as unique as a snowflake. You are who God made you to be. No one, and I mean NO ONE has any right to tell you differently. Embrace your crazy, beautiful, amazing self.

As always, we love your comments. Share your thoughts with us. You help us grow.

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New Year 2023 Horoscope

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Our dear friend Norah Nasturas has graciously provided us with the New Year 2023 Horoscope and a Personal Horoscope for January 2023. I admit it. I do not understand a lot of the fine details of astrology. I do however, enjoy reading what astrologers have to say. If you would like to contact Norah, her contact information is at the end of this post.

Judy and I pray that 2023 is full of precious moments and a lot of AHA moments. 🙂

Ascendent Virgo = Ruler Mercury

Middle Heaven Gemini = Mercury

Mercury 28 degrees Sag in relation with Neptune 28 degrees Aquarius; Mercury Ruler of the year, movement, communications, talking, but at least for the first half no actions, the news about everything are in relation with illusions and manipulation, don’t listen too much to media: The TV or others information.

Mercury in Sagittarius, confusion but positive, more in relation with the Universal values. At the Same time, Lot of changes are coming in relation with information and new discovering,

Mercury Moon in the same element, the intuition is working together with the knowledge what give fast advancement in new things to do better life for people, working in the same direction, in the action.

Lot of people are having problems to adapt to the changes, thinking doctors/medicine can give solutions. And lot of problem with drugs. Drugs are not a solution. The solution is to help people to adapt to the changes, the changes happening in this last 2-3 years are irreversible, we are going to a different society, with different values, behaviors, educations, and spirituality.

Day Saturday = ruler Saturn, the first part of the year will be a new organization, and slow improvement, Saturn is moving to Aquarius, in direction Neptune, for 2 years ½ we will keep in the illusions, Middle 2025 we will know about what really happens in this period post covid. We will see the truth and understand.

Hour Sun = ruler Sun, positive year. Government will be improving too, take more action in relation with children, art and creativity (small businesses)

Venus = economy in Capricorn, slow improvement, will take 2 years to be ok.

Jupiter in Pisces, Jupiter is the protection we all have. In April 2023 Jupiter will move to Aries.

Lots of changes this spring in relation with Jupiter signification as Legal, Foreign, immigration, universities, learning, languages etc etc

Pluto in Capricorn = house prices are going to become normal.

Finally, Venus in Capricorn the first days of 2023 will be another change in the interest rate, in relation with the past actions of the country, the economy, the other countries, with Pluto will be another organization of the money for the country, The people, the business, in relation with priorities.

The moon in Aries is going to take us to the future, more importance for the women, the collective, the people, rapid changes. Lot of action taken by women, looking to past, change the meaning to be a woman, going out of the 2 nd category. As in women will be MORE PROMINENT.

Women fighting for family and children, with the Node north of the moon Rahu (karma), will change the future.

Mars in Taurus, all the activity for the country and people is ruled by Venus, taurus sign, the aggressivity of people will be coming down to most diplomatic behavior, the aggressivity/action of Mars will be transformed in diplomacy, Venus in Capricorn is in relation with the development of how the food is cultivated. Wall cultivation like Vertical Greenhouses.

Venus money = restriction, economy, creativity in 5 th house. Gambling, Complete change in the idea of money, from the past, the Money becomes an abstract idea, Property prices will be real, at the moment is completely an illusion, part of the Gambling situation.

People will start to Focus in new ways. The changes will be in projects, they will be reality in relation to Mars and will happen after the summer 2023.

The Node North of the Moon in 8 th house, People, women are asking for change, social benefits need to be updated, following the Changes in our society,

The 6th house, everything will be changed in relation with work, servants, pets, and very confused; in Aquarius with Neptune inside.

The 6th house in Aquarius, Health, Advance in the more natural ways to take care of the body at the same time that traditional Medicine, Aquarius is the sign of Freedom, Democracy, People. The governments need to find a solution in relation with the health problems and the health system, not only in Canada, will be probable that soon or later, we will have 2 systems in relation with health, the public and the private or will be more clear we have this 2 systems already??

January 2023 Horoscopes

Aries – Lot of changes especially in relation to the discovery about yourself. Who. Who I am and what I really want. A deep analysis of my past, a new cycle is starting with new ideas, values, optimism, thinking to a new start, trying to improving your life, health, organization,doing correction everything that is negative.

Taurus- the reality is here, and you need to face. You know is lot of work to do it and pain (Mars in taurus) but I am sure is going to be better, the shake-up (bad events) is passed, but you are not clear yet, Neptune in the 10 th House, fighti with illusions, the good thing is you have lot of people around, unknown new people and friends. Stay positive, little by little life is getting better.

Gemini- Good time to ask for a Credit or talk with the bank or ask for a raise. Routine becomes easier, we find solutions in relation with responsibilities or commitments, we have more organization, not too many changes and you realize that you are independent and strong and you find very good solutions to this difficult time you had the last 2-3 years. You are doing well.

Cancer- Surprises and changes at the work front, big jumps! Don’t forget the spiritual part in your life, enjoy the Result you are having after the hard work you did. Accept the gift coming from outside of your life, don’t be scared to be happy and don’t be hard on yourself.

Leo – don’t take risks, you don’t have the support you think. Your past relationships (co-workers, family, etc) and past actions are asking for solution, don’t fight, and Use diplomacy. Be very careful with investments or in relation with money, you will be losing lot of money if you don’t change your values, your behavior, try to be more in the reality than illusions, especially after spring 2023.

Virgo – You have the possibility this year to start a new life, with different way of thinking, try to make the necessary changes in your routine before the spring. You have the possibility to improve your career, using the knowledge you have about the Natural and Universal Values. The old teachers give you the knowledge you need to pass to new generations.

Libra – you are ok at this time, but your life is going to change in Spring, Lot of planets are going

to move and the same will be for different areas of your life. Take care of your health, you can do it now, don’t wait. Don’t worry about your career, you are now in the high possible place. Be careful after the spring the problems will start, especially Health.

Scorpio- Mars in Taurus, finally you will be in relation with your career in the high place you must be, Creativity, love, children Is ok but try to organize your future. Relationships are going to change, more work but different subjects with a change in the direction of your work, you attract people currently. Careful with your digestion.

Sagittarius – Good time for spirituality and travels, work and career is going to expand after the spring, more organization, friends coming from past (or past lives) future is open, put your engine to work, is a good year for you, little low in finances, be careful where you spend. You will have improvement in finances after the middle of the year.

Capricorn – Finally is finish these 3 years break in your life. Start to move again, start to live, put yourself in action is lot of opportunities there outside. Be smart, do it now; after spring will be much more difficult for you to find the NEW way. New friends are coming, old friends are going. Change your mind about you and the exterior, good for spirituality.

Aquarius – Become more interested in Nature, Natural healing, invest in yourself before March in new ways, find your happiness now, what you really would like to do. Don’t follow most people. Air is your element. The space is open waiting for you, all the possibilities are open for you Your health is improving lots. Don’t take drugs. Water is good for you, help to think. Go for swimming.

Pisces – Now your life is quiet, but Jupiter is leaving Pisces in March/April; time for a trip? Going to your roots, analyse your life and see what necessary change you need to do, try to come back to spirituality, you worry too much about money, but there are other things more Important in life, this year, you are going to find what is missing in your life. Control your health and your weight.

Effective January 1st 2023

Horary Chart (a question) $ 60.00 (approx. 15 min)

Chart Reading $ 180.00 (approx. 1 hour)

Esoteric, Karma, Spiritual Chart $ 275.00 (approx. 1 hour)

For appointments or information

Email: norahsastrology@gmail.com

Text only: 519 497 6517 No phone calls

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Ask for Help

As we come to the close of the year, and the change to a new season, let’s pause and consider some elements we can incorporate to make the next year of our lives better.

Stress, as Rose shared in the last post affects all of us.  When kept in check, it can be a great motivator. A deadline is a good thing. Without a deadline or a finish by date, many projects may go uncompleted.

Here in the Northern Hemisphere the seasons also motivate us to get things completed.  When working with nature, spring is the time to plant.  Summer sunshine creates the growth, and fall is the time to harvest the crop. As winter approaches, we prepare for the cold temperatures and barren earth, a time to rest.

Traditionally the Christmas Season consisted of Advent, the 4 weeks of spiritual and physical preparation, for Christmas Day and the 12 days til January 6th.  Bringing light into the home with Christmas lights during the darkest time of the year is lovely and can be one of the nicest elements of Christmas.  Putting up the Christmas lights and seeing them glow into to the night is truly a delight. It was highly ranked on our recent poll.

The food planning, cooking, baking, cleaning, and decorating is fun, albeit time consuming. The bulk of the preparation of shopping, gift wrapping, card writing, meal planning, cookie making, cleaning, decorating, party planning still falls primarily to the women of the home. The bustle of it can be fun and invigorating. Keeping the balance of it all from toppling us like a Jenga tower is the trick.

Christmas decorations in stores and that commercial push to purchase starts in October. Even our email in box is subject to ads.  This can exert pressure on us. Sometimes by the time December 25th arrives, the feeling of overwhelm is so big the joy gets squashed like the sweet potatoes.  When we add in crowded grocery stores, unstable weather, unstable personalities, and over-sugared, tired tiny tots, it is easy to understand how some people can feel more like the Grinch, than little Cindy Lou Who. (Fah-who foris, dah-who doris, Welcome Christmas, Christmas Day)

As we gather together with family and friends to celebrate, laugh, and love the time we share, here are a few timely tips to make the season bright.

One way to offset that feeling of overwhelm is to focus only on what matters to you. Make a list. A list of what matters to YOU. Write your list, check it twice. Sharing with a friend is nice.

Choose what items matter most to you.   If baking is not your passion, buy the cookies or pies.

ASK FOR HELP  

Remember that friend? A task becomes a pleasure when shared with a friend.

Be specific in your ask.  Remember the line, “ask and you will receive”?  

In order to receive what will be most beneficial to you, be very specific. (Think the children’s letter to Santa… they know exactly what they want, emulate that enthusiasm). Never assume anyone can read your mind. Clearly and precisely ask for what you need.

Ask your son -in- law to help with the dishes.  Ask your daughters to bring desserts or salads or both.

Delegate before the guests arrive so the family knows their roles. Kids take pride in taking coats and offering beverages.  Give age-appropriate jobs to the little ones. It gives them confidence, pride and encourages responsibility. Be sure to thank them for their contribution to making the day special and tell them you are proud of them.

Shopping:  If you hate shopping, pass the mantel to the one who loves to shop.  Most teenage girls really like being at the mall.  Volunteer hours are a part of the high school curriculum so ask a volunteer to help you with this task.  Got a tech-savvy 20-year-old?  They know Amazon like the back of their hand.

Remember that part of the fun of finding the perfect gift can be an after Christmas outing with your loved ones. Do an activity together. Rose likes to take her family skiing. I like hiking in the woods. Seeing the light festival in neighbouring towns that are on ‘til January is a fun night out.  Taking your grandkids for an afternoon can be the nicest gift for their mom so she gets a nap, or a chance to read that book.  These are low cost, but high value gift ideas that will be remembered for years.

Snow shoveling of sidewalks and driveways can also be volunteer hour credits. Of course, you can pay the kids a small gratuity.

Ask your creative child, friend, or spouse, to help you with the wrapping. Put some music on, pour your beverage of choice, clear the counter or the floor and cut, wrap, ribbon, bow and bag your presents with abandon.   

If you are out and need help with parcels, packages, groceries ask the clerk for help. A recent back injury prevented me from lifting heavy items. I was pleasantly surprised with the enthusiasm I received from staff at a local store to carry my parcels to my car. He was happy to be asked.

Giving someone the opportunity to do something kind, increases that person’s dopamine. Dopamine is one of our feel-good hormones.  It counter acts cortisol a stress hormone. Witnessing an act of kindness improves a person’s immunity by 20 percent. (Holt School of Natural Healing Reflexology Manual).

Plan to give yourself time for you. It can be the greatest gift you give to your family.

  • A warm bath.
  • Time to do your nails.
  • A walk outside before the people arrive.
  • Pet the dog or caress the cat.  
  • Pause.
  • Let the joy of the reason for the Season fill you.
  • Breath in. Hold it. Exhale.  Reset your body rhythm. 

Our expectation of perfection is an illusion.  Have fun.  If something breaks, laugh it off.  If all else fails, put on the Grinch and dance.  Moving our bodies is a great way to shift stress out and happiness in.

Maybe Christmas he thought, doesn’t come from a store, Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more. May the love of Christmas on this Holy Night, fill your heart and home with God’s pure light.

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Stress Management

Oh My Gosh. Yes, we are going to talk about stress management. And not just because the holidays are upon us. Stress management is something we want to be doing all the time. Stress hormones like cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine are necessary to our fight and flight response. When the stress hormones are in overdrive, they can wreak havoc in the body. Symptoms of elevated stress hormones can include any of the following:

  • Fatigue,
  • Irritability,
  • Headaches,
  • Intestinal problems, such as constipation, bloating or diarrhea,
  • Anxiety or depression,
  • Weight gain,
  • Increased blood pressure,
  • Low libido, problems with regular ovulation or menstrual periods, inability to orgasm,
  • Difficulty recovering from exercise,
  • Poor sleep,
  • Muscle pain or tension in the head, neck, jaw, or back,
  • Lack of focus and inability to make decisions.

None of this sounds like something I want to engage in. However, I have and still dance with a few from time to time. Even though stress is part of the human condition you do not have to keep it living under your roof indefinitely. Think of stress as that family member or friend who does not know when to leave. Eventually you have to do something.

We can manage our stress. There are high stress situations in life such as job loss, death in the family, divorce, trauma, giving birth, renovations, or illness. Situations such as these introduce feelings of depression or anxiety. These are normal – for a while.  The trick is to recognize when you are stressed and choose to do something about it.

When we are in crisis situations managing stress is not what is on your mind. Survival is. It would tick me off, supremely, when well meaning people would tell me I needed to manage my stress when I was trying to survive a trauma. Stress management will come once the crisis has passed. And yes, the crisis will pass. That is a topic for another post.

We have all gone through crisis situations. We all know the feelings of panic, heart palpitations, sweaty palms, extreme anxiety, and looking for a way out. These are the fight, fright or freeze responses to impending danger, whether perceived or real. After the threat has passed the stress hormones should calm down. But what if you are surviving a situation that is in constant crisis, such as physical abuse or mental torment. You are constantly on alert. These symptoms become your normal. We stop recognizing the symptoms because we are so accustomed. These symptoms are also wreaking havoc on your body and mind.  There is no way you can “manage” stress in situations like this. All you do is survive moment by moment. There is, however, a way you can release some of the stress.

When you are alone, the simplest coping mechanism is breathing; measured, deep breathing. If you can count and take a slow deep breath you can do this.

  • Take one deep cleansing breath, in and out.
  • Now, breathe in slowly to a count of six.
  • Pause to the count of three.
  • Exhale slowly to the count of six.
  • Pause to the count of three.
  • Repeat

Repeat until you have stopped shaking or you feel the tension release from your shoulders. I used to do this when the kids and I sequestered ourselves in one of their bedrooms when he was on a rampage. Together we would breathe. Then we would wait until he passed out. Often times the children would fall asleep in my arms. At the time I did not know this was a stress management tool. I was just getting a grip. The breathing would calm the children down quite quickly. It took me a lot longer to calm down, but calmness came over me every time. Breathing does not take the threat away. Breathing calms you down so you can think. It is our prayer that you have the courage to exit a situation like this. There are organizations to help you. Judy and I have used these organizations. Be prepared and find these places in advance of when you need them. I found it difficult to think during a crisis and learned to be prepared in advance. Having the information ready also helps to reduce your stress in the moment. You have a plan.

For those of us who have lived way too long with stress as a back seat driver we have some tips to help you get a firm grip on your stress. Choose one of these management techniques to get started. You do not have to do everything. If you hate exercise do not use it as a stress management tool. It will just stress you out more. Do something that rings true for you.

Exercise

So yes, I’ll get the “exercise” tool out of the way. Any exercise is good. I like walking and find that walking allows me to turn down the stress. Find a form of exercise that you like such as running, swimming, dancing, biking, or aerobics. You do not have to spend lots of money on exercise equipment or any at all. There are so many exercise routines that you can access on YouTube. Running requires a pair of running shoes. Dancing can be done in your living room or when you are cleaning. Turn up the tunes! Music itself calms the beast and shifts our mood.

Exercise helps lift your mood. This is because it stimulates your body to release a number of hormones like endorphins and endocannabinoids. When you exercise you tend to feel less anxious and more positive about yourself. When your body feels good, your mind often follows.

Did you know that exercise can reduce pain? It appears counter intuitive doesn’t it. It works. Movement gets fluid and those feel-good hormones moving around your body. Pain is blocked. That is why physiotherapy works. Physiotherapy gets body parts moving and pain is released. In every book I have read about specific areas of pain the prescription is movement before drugs.

Physical activity improves sleep. Better sleep means better stress management. Sleep renews the brain and body. Take care not to exercise too close to bedtime. Exercise too close to bedtime can disturb sleep for some people.

If you don’t have the time or energy for a formal exercise program, you can still find ways to move during the course of the day.

  • Bike or walk to the store instead of driving.
  • Use the stairs instead of the elevator.
  • Park as far as you can from the door.
  • Hand-wash your car.
  • Clean your house.
  • Walk on your lunch break.
  • Do cat stretches while on the couch. Have you ever watched a cat stretch. Mimic those movements. If you have never watched a cat stretch, check out this video. Modify the stretches to suit you.

Food – Your Nourishment.

UGH! Really? Yes – really. Your nourishment is vital to managing stress. We have all experienced stress eating. Sweets, cookies, cakes, chips, anything that temporarily satisfies the emotional state. Have you noticed that you usually beat yourself up after indulging in emotional eating? And you feel like crap. I was in a support group, and we talked a lot about emotional eating. Not one woman in the group felt good after a binge. We are bound to have binges. That is okay – on occasion. Be kind to yourself and vow to try harder and be prepared with a different strategy next time.

One of the benefits of eating healthy foods is your mental health. A healthy diet builds up your immune system, levels your mood, and lowers your blood pressure. Eat your vegetables. Vegetables should be half your plate. Protein, grains and complex carbohydrates fill the rest.

Antioxidants protect your cells from the damages of chronic stress.  You can find antioxidants in a huge variety of foods like beans, fruits, berries, vegetables, and spices such as ginger and tumeric.

Sticking to a healthy lifestyle is easier with a few simple tips.

  • Make and stick to a shopping list.
  • Do not shop hungry.
  • Carry healthy snacks and water with you when you leave the house.
  • Stay away from processed foods as much as possible.
  • Be mindful when eating.

There are supplements available that can decrease the effects of stress on the body and mind. Be sure to get enough vitamin C, magnesium, and Omega 3 fatty acids as part of a balanced diet. Omega 3 is found in wild fishes such as salmon, sardine, mackerel and herring.  Vitamin C can be found in cherries, grapefruit, oranges, moringa powder (put it in a smoothie). Magnesium is found in your leafy greens and cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, brussel sprouts, cauliflower).  

Let feed be your medicine and medicine be your food. Hippocrates

Sleep

Do you struggle to fall asleep? This is a common side effect of stress. Insomnia is the inability to fall and stay asleep at least 3 times a week for at least 3 months. Lack of sleep can also add to your stress level and cause a cycle of stress and sleeplessness. It is a vicious cycle. So how do you get to sleep? Sleep habits. Sleep habits involve your daily routine and the way you set up your bedroom.  Sleep habits include:

  • getting outside even if the sun is not shining. I have a friend that says there is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.
  • Exercise of some kind.
  • Drink less alcohol.
  • Drink caffeinated beverages before 2 pm.
  • Set a sleep schedule. You know – just like you had for children. Try having the same bedtime every night. Set your alarm for the same time every morning. That includes weekends. Try this for one month.
  • No electronics or television for 30 minutes before bed. If you like to read use an old-fashioned book. This is only for one month. It is not a life sentence.
  • Try meditation or other forms of relaxation at bedtime.

How do you set up your bedroom as part of good sleep habits? Your room should be dark. Black out curtains are a good idea. Keep your bedroom cool and as quiet as possible. When it is time for bed keep your phone outside of the bedroom. You can keep it in your ensuite bathroom. Just keep it out of your bedroom. The farther away the better. And turn it off. There are exceptions to keeping your phone turned on. Those are exceptions. Not the rule. Your bed should be supportive, have plenty of space and be comfortable. Pillows should support your neck. The material you sleep on is important. Natural fiber sheets are better for the body.

Connect with people. 

Spend time with a friend or family member who will listen to you. If you think you have exhausted people who will listen to you and can afford a therapist go to a therapist. Talking out your anxieties is a natural way to soothe you and reduce your stress. Better results can be obtained when you walk and talk. Connecting with people in person releases a hormone that breaks your fight-or-flight-or-freeze reaction. You enter a state of relaxation. Hugs help too.

Behavior. 

The manner in which you respond to people directly affects your stress levels. You can manage your response to people by:

  • Not overcommitting yourself (I still struggle with this one, but I am getting better.)
  • Share responsibility. You are not responsible for everyone nor everything.
  • Adopt the phrase, “I will think about that.”
  • Walk away from a heated situation or step back.

The voice inside your head. 

Nothing affects your stress levels like the voice inside your head. Realize that you can control your inner voice. You can swap negative thoughts for positive ones. The benefits of positive self-talk are:

  • stress reduction,
  • a longer life,
  • lower levels of depression,
  • greater resistance to the common cold,
  • reduced cardiovascular disease and
  • better coping skills.

Laughter

Laughing is good for the soul. You take in more oxygen when you laugh. Your body releases the feel-good hormones. Your heart and lungs get a boost. Your muscles even get a wee workout. Laughter improves your immune system, lessens pain, and improves your mood for long periods time. Get together with those girlfriends and get laughing. Even a good comedy movie can lift your mood.

There are so many ways to manage your stress. This is only a few suggestions to get you moving in the right direction. A few others are Epsom salt baths, drink water, and be creative.

Feel free to share your favourite stress management techniques. We and our community would love to hear them.

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What Is the Truth?

Truth. There is a lot of talk around the word truth. Pontius Pilot asked Jesus, “What is truth?” We want everyone around us to tell us the truth even though we often do not want to hear the truth. Truth can hurt. We do everything we can to avoid hurt. Truth can also set us free. Truth can release the bonds of deceit, even release us from the lies we tell ourselves. You can handle the truth. We can handle the truth because the truth set us free. We are strong enough and courageous to look at the lies, turn them around and seek out the truth.

As much as we tell ourselves lies, we also tell ourselves truths. Can you imagine how different life would be if you decided to live being truthful to yourself?

Your body is your truth detector. You feel lies and truth in your body. The truth will bring you to a place of peace. A lie creates discord, and conflict. In your body a lie looks like an upset stomach. Your throat may be tight urging you to cough or clear your throat. You may experience back pain. Your blood pressure is elevated. Adrenaline pumps through your body.

When one engages in deceit, your respiratory and heart rate increases. You sweat, your mouth goes dry, and your voice can shake. Some of these physiological effects form the basis of the classic lie-detector (polygraph) test. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/pleased-meet-me/202001/the-truth-about-lying-and-what-it-does-the-body

When you lie your body is suffering. When you lie your brain gets overwhelmed and your cortisol level increases. Cortisol creates inflammation. Your memory goes into overdrive trying to remember the lie or the truth. Lying is detrimental to your health according to Arthur Markman Ph.D. Dr. Markman says, “The very second that lie leaves your lips your body releases cortisol into your brain. Just a few minutes later your memory goes into overdrive trying to remember both the lie and the truth. Decision making becomes more difficult and you could even project your discomfort as anger. This is all in the first 10 minutes.”

“The coherence between the heart and the brain brings alignment and decreases stress. Living a lie breaks the alignment. Living the truth strengthens the alignment.” www.heartmath.org

Notre Dame did a research project looking into lying. The study involved 110 volunteers. Half the volunteers agreed to stop lying and the other half received no instruction. At the end of 10 weeks the group that lied less often had 54% fewer mental complaints (like stress or anxiety) and 56% few physical health issues (like headaches or digestive issues). US News, How Lying Affects Your Health.

The jury is in. Lying affects your health. That includes lying to yourself. So, would you agree that lying to yourself needs to change?

Turn off your analytical brain. Converge with your body. When you engage in your head you neglect your emotions and the feelings in your body. Emotions provide a shortcut to your truth. You will feel the truth in your body. You will have a deep sense of peace and your mind will be clear when you begin living life being true to yourself. You will feel a sense of love, a sense of joy. You will be more patient. You will act out of kindness more often. You will have a soulful sense of goodness.

We have one exercise for you to try. This exercise does not take a long time. If you find the exercise difficult to do, be willing to try again later in the day or tomorrow. Keep trying until you become comfortable with this exercise. Have a pen and notebook with you to write down the revelations. If you are not into journaling use the voice recorder on your phone.

The Heart Intention Exercise

Sit or lie down. Get relaxed. If you are tired sitting may be better than laying down. Take a few deep breaths. Make sure your face is soft and your shoulders are away from your ears. Close your eyes. Envision one of your favourite places. It may be by the lake. It may be in the mountains. It may be on a beach. Breathe deep. Take in the surroundings. Smell the air. Hear the sounds. Take the time to go to a still quiet place and listen. Pay attention to your body. Let everything fall away from your consciousness. (This is where I usually fall asleep. 😴) Resist the urge to sleep. Keep in mind that your heart will always tell you the truth. If you have someone with you, they can ask you the following questions. If you are alone, ask them to yourself aloud.

Ask a few questions and wait for the answers.

What is my truth?

What would you have me do?

What would you have me say?

Where am I to go?

Listen.

If you have a belief in God, ask God to reveal His truth about you to you. I asked this question in 2019. I still stand amazed at how He revealed His truth about me to me throughout that year.

The truth is your heart is 60,000 times more powerful than your brain. Attend to your heart. What is your hearts desire? Put your hands on your heart and listen.

The truth is you are loveable.

The truth is whatever you set your mind to; you can achieve.

The truth is you are becoming the woman you are designed to be.

The truth is you are beautiful.

The truth is you are enough just as you are.

The truth is you are intelligent.

The truth is you are of sound mind and body.

The truth is you have a spirit of power and love.

The truth is you are not alone.

The truth is your past is forgivable.

The truth is your emotions matter, especially to you.

The truth is you deserve all the good coming your way.

The truth is there is someone out there that understands.

The truth is what happened yesterday does not need to happen tomorrow.

The truth is you CAN change your life. Change your thoughts, change your life.

The truth is mistakes are opportunities to learn.

The truth is you are responsible for your actions, no one else’s actions.

The truth is we are a community. We are meant for community. Please feel free to say what you feel inside this community.

When you listen to your heart you establish a new baseline to improve your health and emotional experience. Listening to the truth in your heart builds deeper intuition and internal guidance, a new sense of clarity. As you live your truth, feelings of love and compassion create a cascade of positive effects throughout the body such as clear thinking, emotional stability, and better choices. Living your truth creates balance and cooperation instead of competition and stress. https://www.heartmath.org/science/

Every day for the month of December, Rose and Judy are going to do the Heart Intention Exercise. We know we are creating positive change for how we will go into 2023. We invite you to join us on this excursion.

Take 10 minutes to do this Heart Intention Exercise. Feel your life improve as you create coherence.

Share your experience.

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Why Do We Believe the Lies We Tell Ourselves?

In my last blog post, The Lies I Tell Myself I touched briefly on why I believe the lies I tell myself. In this post I will go into a bit more depth. My hopes and prayers are that you will recognize one reason you believe a lie. When you become aware of why you believe lies you can counter them with a new truth and improve the language you use with yourself. Let’s get to it. I will start with the why’s I had in the last blog post.

We do not like something about ourselves (or our situation) and we try to cover it up with a lie. I purposefully wrote “try” because deep down we know the truth and the truth is hard to swallow. A lie preserves my sense of self.

We lie to ourselves because it is comfortable. Telling myself a lie keeps me in my comfort zone. I do not have to break out of the ordinary into unknown territory.

We lie to ourselves because it is convenient. We can keep doing the same thing without having to change anything. Again, this is comfort zone territory.

We lie to ourselves because it makes us feel better. Lying preserves our self-esteem. We want to feel good more than we want to know who our true self is.

We lie to ourselves to avoid responsibility for our actions.

We tell ourselves lies to cover up the mental conflict that occurs when our beliefs do not line up with our actions. This is known as cognitive dissonance. 

 Allow me to expand with a few more reasons to why we believe the lies we tell ourselves.

Lies confirm my position. Some people have the need to be right. In order to be right, they have to lie to affirm their position. That includes lying to themselves. Under these circumstances, to lie to someone else we have to lie to ourselves first. Have you ever found yourself in an argument and said, “you always do that.” Always is a big word meaning at all times. Most people do not “always” do something. More accurately would be “you often do that.” So, is this a lie or a misuse of words? I know for myself when I used this in an argument it was a lie. I would use it to affirm my position and it made me feel superior.

Lies protect us from other fears. We are not often aware of fear in our lives on a daily basis. We use lies to cover up or avoid our fears of inadequacy, loneliness, failure, change, rejection, uncertainty, being judged by others, being excluded, or intimacy to name a few. You tell yourself a lie to protect yourself and maintain a sense of security.

A lie can rationalize the decisions I made. I can tell myself it is the best decision, under the circumstances. This is the “fine line” lie between the truth and lie. I can often justify the decision in a few different ways. In the end I am trying to protect myself from something. Something like not having all the information I needed to make a sound decision, so I made a hasty decision. I do not want to admit I made a hasty decision, so I tell myself it is the best decision.

We believe the lie because you refuse to accept the reality of your situation, so you change it by changing the narrative. This one hits me close to home. I lied to myself about the abuse I experienced at home because I did not want to admit things were as bad as they were. I was very fearful of the future if my marriage failed. I had no idea how I would survive. Lying to myself did not delay the inevitable. It did not delay the threats to my life or the lives of my children. I had to come to terms with the truth.

There is good news. You CAN confront the lies and start living in the truth. The truth is where freedom lives. The bible says, the truth will set you free. Truth certainly sets you free.

To counter a lie there are a few things necessary to keep at the forefront of your mind. The first thing is to be aware. In daily life there are situations that cause you to lie to yourself. Be aware. You do lie to yourself. Ask yourself,

Where am I?

Who am I with?

Am I lying to make someone feel better or make myself feel better?

How do I feel right now?

These few questions can be answered quickly in any situation or in retrospect. Whenever you stop to answer these four questions you can determine your truth and choose to act differently now and in the future.

Set boundaries. You knew boundaries would rise to the surface eventually. They have to so here we are with a brief note on boundaries. Boundaries protect us. Boundaries are the decisions you make, in advance, to act in a certain way, remove yourself from situations or decline certain people or situations. There are good books on boundaries. My favorites are BOUNDARIES by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and BOUNDARIES: WHERE YOU END AND I BEGIN by Anne Katherine, M.A. Andy Stanley has a great series on Guardrails. I encourage you to listen to the whole series.

Start small. No one can change everything all at once. They say the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Changing the way, you talk to yourself is the same. Determine one lie you tell yourself. Figure out why you tell yourself the lie. Are you protecting yourself? Are you protecting someone else? Are you acting out of fear? Once you have defined the lie you now have the power to tell yourself the truth. You will need to tell yourself the truth over and over again. Do not get discouraged if you slip. After a period of time, you will notice that you no longer believe the lie. You may not even remember the lie. The amount of time it takes is as unique as you are. Be patient. Remember this is a journey not a sprint.

Learn acceptance. Yes, I am talking to me as much as to you. We are often more accepting of others than we are of ourselves. Accepting the truth can be challenging. Learning to accept the truth can be tough. Learning the truth is a gateway to valuable lessons. I can guarantee you that facing the truth is worth it. When you accept yourself for who you are your world becomes beautiful. I would rather live accepting all of me than I would living a lie. How about you?

Overcome lies by becoming the observer. Observe yourself. Be present in the moments of your life. Introspections does not require a retreat or a quiet place. We can do it moment by moment. Be aware of how you are feeling. Ask yourself why are you feeling this way? Open the places that rarely get the light. Be brave and courageous. You can change your story. You can change your narrative. There is power in making choices. There is power in choosing to do something different, to be someone different.

Finally, stop justifying. Stop making excuses and justifying what you tell yourself. Dig deeper to figure out why you are lying to yourself. Check the vocabulary you use with yourself. In the Ted Talk Carolyn Myss presented on Choices That Can Change Your Life, she says the following.

“Finally, make this choice. Choose to get up every day and bless your day. Choose to get up every single day and bless your day. And you say I have no idea what is going to be in my day, but it is blessed, why? Because I am alive. And do not base your gratitude for your life on what you have or how you feel. But just because you are. Just because you are. Just because you are. And then hold in your heart this prayer. This day of my life will never come again. I will never see the people I am looking at again. I will never see this sunrise again and I will never see that sunset. I will never see the person having breakfast with me again. Just this way. You know, nothing in my life like this will ever come again. That alone, that choice alone should take out of your heart every bitter taste there is. That it should shape the life around you with such grace and such beauty. That will make you only want to see the present with great gratitude.”

Our next blog post will be on THE TRUTH. As much as we tell ourselves lies, we also tell ourselves some truths. There are truths you need to know. Judy and I are looking forward to revealing this post to you. See you next time in Wounded Women Rising.

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The Lies I Tell Myself

The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. Richard Bach

Oh my gosh. How can I say you tell lies to yourself? I can say that because it is 100% true. We all lie to ourselves because lies are often easier to live with than the truth.  We will not accept lies from others. We will accept lies we tell ourselves all the time. When we live in a lie, we must tell another lie to uphold the original lie. And then another lie, and another lie and another lie. We lose sight of who we are. When we live our authentic true selves, we are happier, and healthier. We can love on others without losing sight of who we are. Love lives in the truth. Love dies in a lie.

We tell ourselves lies because we do not like something about ourselves and we try to cover it up with a lie such as, “it is not that bad.” Have you ever injured yourself and told someone you are fine when you know you are not fine? You have lied to the person who asked and to yourself. If you hurt, you need help. Telling someone you are fine is a sure-fire way to not get the help you need. Why would you do that?

We lie to ourselves because it is comfortable. We do not have to face the hard truth.

We lie to ourselves because it is convenient. We can keep doing the same thing without having to change anything.

We lie to ourselves because it makes us feel better. Lying preserves our self-esteem.

We lie to ourselves to avoid responsibility for our actions.

We tell ourselves lies to cover up the mental conflict that occurs when our beliefs do not line up with our actions. This is known as cognitive dissonance. “Leon Festinger’s cognitive dissonance theory suggests that we have an inner drive to hold all our attitudes and beliefs in harmony and avoid disharmony (or dissonance)”. To maintain harmony, we tell ourselves a lie. Until we live in the truth of who we are, and our actions line up with that we cannot be free to be who we are.

How do you know you are lying to yourself?

Lying to yourself can show up with physical symptoms such as stress, anxiety, digestive issues, and pain. The physical symptoms are messages, and you should pay attention. For example, you have a friend that calls you regularly to vent and complain. When you see her number on your phone you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know you do not want to talk to her. You know she drains your energy. You know she is not interested in what is happening in your life. You know you will be awake for hours after the call trying to figure out ways to help her. But you tell yourself she needs someone and that someone is you. The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach is telling you something different than the rationalization you have made in your mind. The rationalization is a lie. Your gut knows the truth. It is better for your mental health not to answer the call and let it go to voicemail. Imagine what you could do with the extra hour or two. You could rest, prepare lunch for tomorrow, finish your laundry or finish reading the book you would normally put down when you answer her call. The truth of the matter is your friend will move on to someone else when you stop being at her disposal.  She is not interested in you. She wants someone to listen so she can vent. It really does not matter if that someone is you.

When you lie to yourself you are running away from something. It is difficult to admit, however, that sensation to flee is you running from the truth. What are you trying to escape from? A thought? A realization? A harsh truth? There is something just outside our reach, in the dark and you do not like it. You distract yourself and you do not know why. You must escape, but you do not know why.

Lies show up when you justify someone else’s behaviour. This is common in the abused woman. We tell ourselves we deserved to be hit. We tell ourselves that “he’s just blowing off steam.” We tell ourselves it will change. We tell ourselves we just need to do x y z and it will not happen again. Justifying their behaviour is easier than facing the truth and making the tough decisions.

Lies show up when you justify your own behaviour. You lie when you tell yourself “I am just feeling a little stressed” or “I have no other options.” These lies are very deceptive. It allows you to believe that you have good reason. You are making excuses and being consciously oblivious.

Have you ever experienced having a rigid attitude? Do others consider you to be narrow-minded? Do you play the blame game? Must you always be right? If you answered yes to any of these questions you are a victim of lying to yourself. Engaging in any of these behaviours hides a tremendous amount of fear. You live in an altered reality.

Have you ever felt inauthentic? Have you ever wondered if they found out who you really are they would not like you? Do you feel fake? The truth is you have lost touch with who you really are. You go places you do not want to go. You make friends with people you do not like. You buy things you cannot afford. You laugh when a joke is not funny. You are spending more time pleasing others than doing what brings you pleasure. This is inauthentic living and a lie.

You are believing a lie when you say any of the following to yourself.

  • Everything is going to be okay. (There are times everything is not going to be okay.)
  • Their success is my failure. (It is their success. You are still working on yours. Celebrate their success.)
  • I will be happy when… (when is a person place or thing. When they happen in your life the bliss does not last, and you are on to the next I will be happy when…)
  • If I am not busy, I am not working hard enough. (This is pure B.S. Busy distracts us from the things that really matter.)
  • I do not have enough time for that. (We always make time for what is important to us.)
  • I am a bad person if I say no. (Saying no does not make you bad or good. Saying no is respecting your boundaries and taking care of yourself.)
  • Everyone else has it all together. (You have no way of knowing what others are going through. We can all put on a good front and be dying inside.)
  • If I fix this one thing, life will be good. (This is like I will be happy when. When never comes and stays for the rest of your life.)
  • It does not matter. (If you are saying it does matter. You are trying to convince yourself otherwise.)
  • They will forget about it. (They may forget what you did. People never forget the way you make them feel.)
  • Love goes both ways. (This is a fairy tale, a story. Love is sacrificial. You are blessed if love is flowing in both directions. It is not a law.)
  • I am setting myself up for disappointment. (Henry Ford said, if you say you can or you say can’t, you are right. The way you talk to yourself can be the difference between success and failure.)
  • If I do that people will expect more of me. (People will only expect as much as you are willing to give or convince them of. You determine how much of yourself to give away.)
  • I am being selfish. (Selfishness is a tool for self care. Selfish is putting boundaries in place to protect your mental and physical health. Selfish is not bad. Everything can be extreme. When everything is always about me me me, yes, it is selfish. The best life is in relationship with others. Thinking only of yourself all the time is selfish and damaging to your relationships.)

Check in on our next blog post. We will be talking about replacing the lies with truth and living an authentic life. Until then, can you identify two lies you tell yourself on a regular basis? Can you discern what the truth is and stop telling yourself the lie?

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Where Do Lies Come From?

We live in a world where ideas, thoughts, images, and concepts are continually presented to us. Media, institutions, social moirés, social groups, work environments, culture and family beliefs all influence our perception of self. In our current world, there are so many lies that are propagated, it can be difficult to ascertain the truth.

“There is no definition for a lie that serves to make it true. Nor can there be a truth that lies conceal effectively. “A Course In Miracles

In the tobacco industry, Phillip Morris marketed to consumers in the 1950s that their cigarettes were healthy. Whole product lines were created and sold based on the lie. When the FDA determined tobacco products caused illness, the company put filters on their products. The filters contained carcinogens including asbestos. Today tobacco companies market their products to the tune of $28 Billion of profit, as an individual choice by informed adults. Given the overwhelming evidence that tobacco products cause illness and even death, why would people believe the marketing?

To condition a response in an individual or in a group of people, repetition is key. Often our initial response is to say that is not true.   With enough repetition, coupled with pressure to conform from outside influences, doubt can begin to erode our internal compass. We go along to get along. This can be foolhardy and extremely dangerous.

Lies are often presented as a distorted truth. But we know truth is pure, unpolluted and without stain. Truth does no harm.

Where do lies come from? Lies are external influences that try to impact our internal alignment. Three questions to ask yourself when confronted with a lie.

Who is saying this?

What is their motivation?

Will I allow it to impact me?

Nellie McClung, a Women’s Institute Member and one of the women responsible for getting women a vote in Canada is quoted as saying “I want to leave something behind when I go. Some small legacy of truth: some word that will shine in a dark place.” Nellie knew that a lie that was being promoted. The lie was, “women are not smart enough, women are too fragile, women are too hysterical, and that nice women did not vote.” The lie needed to be dissolved when brought into the light of the truth. Thank you, Nellie for the strength of your commitment to the truth.

What lies are you believing that no longer serve your internal alignment?

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The Story before the Story… the Apple Incident

For the past week or more, I have been trying to write an article on lies. Lying and where do lies come from. I have been stuck in my writing process. I also have had severe back pain. I go to my first area of relief which is PureBioenergy Healing Therapy. The thing about PureBioenergy Healing Therapy is that it heals on all levels. This means the emotional, mental, and spiritual areas of our being are addressed as well as the physical.

In this process of healing, I uncover a lie that I have been living. I chose to leave my “past life” as I call it in the past. I thought that if I don’t think about it anymore, it will not affect me. In some ways, this is true. I do not have the anxiety I experienced prior to leaving my ex-husband. I present outwardly as someone who can make decisions, albeit in a slower fashion than most. I have a quick wit and enjoy making people laugh.

I am a sensitive. One of those people who feels things deeply. When someone shares their story, I can truly empathize. The month of October holds some strong emotional ties for me. My first marriage was in October, my beautiful daughter was born in October. And the apple incident happened in October.

When my daughter was in kindergarten, there was a bright sunny Saturday morning. My then husband had gone out with his friends on a motorcycle ride which was often his Saturday and Sunday morning routine. My friend, Maryon had invited my daughter and myself to go with her and her daughters to an apple orchard to pick apples. My ex-husband knew we were going to the orchard.

It was a beautiful, warm sunny day. The girls enjoyed picking the apples off the shorter trees and finding ripe red ones on the ground. My daughter and I picked a full bushel of apples. I was excited to have them to eat fresh as a snack. I make a great apple pie, with my Mom’s pie crust recipe, and apple crisp was often a breakfast food in my house.

Maryon’s daughters were older than my daughter. They wanted us to join them at the Spooky Farm which was a farm with a haunted house exhibit and where one could buy pumpkins.

I had tried to phone my ex to let him know we would be out later than originally planned. I Knew this was important. He did not answer the call. I knew it was close to lunch time and I had not left him a suitable lunch. My daughter and I had eaten enough apples, so we were not hungry. We headed out with our friends to the Spooky Farm. I did not realize how far away from our home this Spooky Farm was, having never been there.

I had a feeling of dread as I realized the time was now much later than I had said I would be home. We stayed a very short time at the farm. My daughter was now starting to pick up on my anxiety. She was happy to leave the Spooky Farm. We drove home. As soon as I drove up the driveway, I knew we were in trouble.

My ex-husband was furious that I had not been home when he got home from his ride. He was swearing at us before we got into the house. He sent my daughter upstairs to her room.

I had carried the bushel of apples we had picked into the kitchen. In his rage, he proceeded to throw every apple from the bushel at me. I could not talk to him or stop the madness. I had round apple shaped bruises on my back, my legs, my arms for weeks afterward. The beautiful red apples we so carefully picked, were splattered all over the kitchen. Every single apple was thrown. Then he left. I cleaned up all the smashed apples. Those that were salvageable I made into apple sauce. Months later I would find bits of dried apple under the fridge.

I never went apple picking again.

The irony is that I was worried that someone might find out what had happened. That I had made my husband that angry. I did not want my daughter to tell her teacher or anyone what had happened. I did not tell anyone till years later in therapy.

I share this story now because the shame, fear, anxiety I had that day, I know is felt by another woman. I know my daughter carries the pain of that day.


We are not responsible for someone else’s misplaced anger. We did nothing wrong. We do not need to lie to cover the pain caused by another’s actions. It happened. It is true. It is sad. It is so sad that a beautiful, sunny fall day has such a blight on it. The smell of fresh picked apple is bittersweet to me.

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Correcting Conflicted Values

When our values are conflicted our spirit resonance is restricted. We turn this around when we become brave enough to look in the mirror and ask the tough questions that we hear pinging around in our soul. Tranquility comes from dropping into your heart. Get away from the chaos to a place of quiet. It does not have to be a weekend getaway. 30 minutes is a good start. As you get comfortable with the quiet you can start asking yourself questions. Questions such as

What would you have me see?

What do I need to know?

These two questions start the conversation with your deepest self. Have a pen and paper with you to jot down your insights, the answers to your questions. More questions will come. Allow them to come. Acknowledge them and wait for the answers. You are having a conversation with your deepest self. You know, the one stuffed so far down you do not recognize her. This is a process. Be gracious with yourself. You are getting to know an old friend, the little girl inside you. She is shy. Give her time to come out and sit with you. Be patient.

You need to know you are divine, worthy. You are loved. When you get away from fear love expands. When our values are conflicted, we see our world getting smaller. This is an illusion. The reality is we are infinite. When we change our way of thinking everything around us changes. The number one thing is to value yourself. You are of value. You are love. Out of love comes faith. Faith for a future. Faith to make a change, a baby step or a leap, a leap of faith. You will not see the outcome of your change until you make it. Henry Ford said, “If we believe we can or believe we can’t, we are right.” It is the belief that creates the outcome. Dr. Bruce Lipton’s work proves it is not the medicine that heals it the belief that the medicine will provide healing that heals.

When you realize you are a thought of God you are a created being. You are love incarnate. You expand. You forgive. You simply cannot hold onto the discomfort, the hurt, the ego because it no longer fits with who you are. We are all cracked, wounded egos. Let the ego go. Open you hand and release the illusion of what we think we are. Know in your whole being that goodness runs through you. Forgive. Align with your divinity. Align with the magnificent sacred part of who you are. You are excellent, delightful, superb, pleasing, attractive and eternal. You have a knowing by inspiration, intuition and insight. Live your life through the love that you truly are. Let your love lens show you your worth, your value, your intention and, your purpose.

We would love to hear your comments and get to know you. This is an interactive forum. Enjoy the day and all of it’s blessings.

Rose and Judy

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What Happens When Our Values Are Conflicted

When we conflict with our values, we are not whole. We are not well. When our values are conflicted, we are not grounded. We flit about. Pulled this way. Pushed that way. When our values are conflicted, we are influenced by others’ opinions and trends. When our values are conflicted, we can be indecisive, unsure, and misled.

Our values connect our heart and our head. We need to be clear on our values, the ones imprinted on our hearts. You can tell your head anything, but you cannot tell your heart just anything. Your heart knows. When our heart and our head are conflicted, it creates incoherence. We are confused and unclear of who we are and what we are doing. Living outside our values is living a lie.

When our values are conflicted our spirit resonance is restricted. A spirit resonance is when our purpose is task and spiritually oriented. We honour ourselves and others and we care for all things. “Living in a spiritual resonance is fun, positive, enlightening, spiritual, bonding, caring, and validating. It is safe, meaningful, hopeful, compassionate, educational, inviting, engaging, connected, authentic, and provocative.” (https://www.taosinstitute.net/files/Content/5692967/whitney_AI-Creating-Spiritual-Resonance.pdf)  Imagine living your life outside of these beautiful values.

Our internal world compass conflicts with what we are presenting to the external world. The internal compass is the part of you that is your soul. This part of you is all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful, creative, and limitless. When you connect to your inner compass you are fearless, confident, and calm. When your values are conflicted, you experience separation from your soul. Fears, anxiety, and self-doubt take control. You wear masks to present yourself to the world. Your true self is hiding, and you become a shell of your person resulting in depression.

In an abusive relationship you pretend it is not so bad. You quiet the conflicting values. Whenever there is abuse in a relationship trust is broken and sadly one of the biggest trust issues is trusting ourselves. When we let others make our decisions, we learn to distrust our own structures and beliefs. You distrust what you know to be true. When you distrust what you know to be true your foundation is shattered. You second guess most or all your decisions. How can you improve your daily life when each moment is shifting? You struggle to find your footing.

Another emotion that appears with conflicted values is fear. This one is H U G E for most of us. We often react from a place of fear. Fear isolates us from our own emotions and other people, tasks, or things. A threat of losing something is present and we act out of fear. Fear rises when a need of ours will possibly go unfulfilled. Fear can also emerge from memories. Have you ever said, “I’ve seen this before.” or “Here we go again.”? These phrases come out of memories and our fears appear as present and threatening.

Other emotions that appear with conflicted values are frustration and hurt. Values are at the root of all frustration and hurt. The frustrations and hurts are more about what value of ours has been challenged. I was often frustrated in my marriage because my husband procrastinated. Was I frustrated because of his procrastination and incomplete project and chores? I thought so before I did some work with values. I realized I was frustrated because I value integrity and play time. Work not getting done equaled my missing play time. That was unacceptable. I believe play time is essential to a healthy body, mind, and spirit. Play time puts me in touch with my inner child. And I like my inner child a lot!

Our next blog post will give actions on ways to correct conflicted values.

We look forward to reading your comments. Do you have a burning issue you would like us to address? Post it in the comments below. We are here to serve you.

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How Do Our Values Show Up In Our Lives?

Now that we have established what our values are, let’s look at how they affect us. Values are our guide posts.  They guide our behavior. Values are the principles, ideals and standards that impact our belief about ourselves and the world. They are the non-conscious record playing in the
background of our psyche, that imprints on how we think and act.  

For example “Have a grateful heart”  is a simple statement one hears often.  What exactly does that mean?  Why would it matter if one is grateful or not?   If we carry the value of gratitude, it helps us to appreciate the many gifts, opportunities, blessings, and challenges that meet us in this life.  It opens us up to be more generous.  Through gratitude we discover true appreciation for our friends, family, life, and our circumstances, even if they are challenging. Gratitude gives you a lens through which you view everything.  

We are bombarded with external messages from the media, that try to influence us to feel we are lacking.  When one holds the value of confidence,  we know we are enough.   We can be content in all things.  That does not mean we are not open for growth.  The quote from Socrates, “The unexamined life in not worth living” reminds us to look at what we value.  Our actions are often determined by our
unconscious mind.

Pause. Reflect. Consider.  Why did I respond in that fashion?  What is my underlying belief? What value do I hold that feels like it is incoherent? What values do I hold, that make me feel empowered?   Why does this situation make me feel so angry? So Hopeful? So, Inspired? Be Patient with yourself and with others.  Give the space needed to examine why you feel, act, re-act, think, judge or not judge. 

Remember when we learned to cross the street.  Stop. Look. Listen.  As we go along our life path, yes sometimes it feels like a super highway.  Stop. Look. Listen.  Pause. Reflect. Consider.  Listen to your inner compass, your inner guidance system, your spirit.  It knows what is right for you.  

Values are enduring beliefs that help a person decide what is right or wrong and what is detrimental. Values give structure to the goals we strive for and what personal qualifications to develop. What do you want to create in your world?  What values do you hold that will align with that creation. Kindness, compassion, abundance, fortitude, gratitude, purity, humour.  Add your values to the list.

That which we think about expands.  Energy goes where consciousness flows.  Let’s examine our values, select the ones we want to lean into.  Pick out the ones that no longer serve us.  Be conscious of why we do what we do.  Choose. Choose With Wisdom.   

Comment on what value you hold, how it shows up in your life.  What do you love about that? What would you change?

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Where Do Values Come From?

Values are passed down through generations. Geography plays a role in our values. Parents play a role in our values. Extended families play a role in our values. Friends, teachers, coaches, television, radio, music all play a role in the formation of our values. Religion or other systems of belief plays a role in the formation of our values.

Our family values come from our social circles and the cultures we grew up in. I grew up in a Catholic neighbourhood, went to a catholic school and was married in a catholic church. I adopted values from my catholic upbringing such as:

Thankfulness

Compassion

Peace

Wisdom

Hope

Humility

Generosity

Courage

Love

Respect

I have adopted values by being born a Canadian, such as:

Fairness

Diversity

Equality

Inclusion

Health

Safety

Democracy

Sustainability

I have adopted values from life experiences, such as:

Freedom

Purpose

Responsibility

Integrity

Clarity

Self respect

Empathy

Playfulness

Wonder

Strength

Consider in what country you were born. Consider your family, parents, siblings, and grandparents. Consider where you went to church or why you did not go to church. What values did you pick up?

If you are from America, you may value individualism, materialism, and achievement.

If you are from Latin America, you may value family, respect, and honour.

If you are Asian, you may value education, respect of authority and hierarchy and unity.

As an African you may value hospitality, morality, and time.

A Christian may value compassion, humility, and love.

A Taoist may value kindness, simplicity, and modesty.

A follower of Judaism may value respect, fairness, and community.

If you grew up in a family that valued time together, you may have adopted that value. If your family of origin valued travel, then you too may have adopted that value and plan regular excursions. If your family didn’t value travel, then you may have adopted the value of travel because you are “not going to live like they did”.

What experiences have you had in life? Did a close friend die young? An event like this can instill a value of living in the moment with a heightened sense of gratefulness. Have you been cheated on?  A life event like this can instill a value of fidelity or loyalty. Did you get fired from a job unjustly? Your value of loyalty or trust would take a hit.  I am sure you get my point.

Who are you? What have you experienced?

The answer to these questions forms your

personality,

your guiding moral foundations,

your attributes,

and your mental toolkit.

These inform your values, what you care about or not, whether you think about it or not.

Your values inform your decisions and actions.

Our values are on display constantly as we interact with others, choose the programs we watch, choose career paths and pass judgement on ourselves and others. How could interactions with others influence your values? Imagine for a moment you are in the grocery store. You are choosing oranges from the bin when you hear a man interacting with his wife. He is loud and commenting on the fact that she is spending too much money, those are too expensive, can we leave yet and on and on it goes. You glance over at them. You catch her eye and offer that look between women that says “I’m sorry” without having to say a word. You sneer at him. He misses it. In your mind you say, “I’m glad my husband doesn’t act like that in public.” You have displayed two of your values, compassion, and propriety.

Your values come into play each time you pick up the remote to watch a television program. Are you going to watch that movie with mild pornography or tune into a Disney movie? Did you choose a career path in finance? You could choose to help people with their money, or you can choose to make money for yourself. And on and on it goes, a lot of it unconsciously.

Our values influence E V E R Y T H I N G in our lives and they come from our families, our cultures, and our life experiences.

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WHAT ARE VALUES?

I would like to ask, how many of us have spent time defining our values? We go about our lives with a set of rules for our behaviour and the behaviour of others. We all have an innate knowing of right and wrong, but do we ever question what we believe or why we think this way?

Values are the individual beliefs that motivate us to act in specific ways. Values are a guide for our behavior. There are two types of values: personal values and cultural values. Personal values are our own beliefs about right and wrong. Cultural values are those that we accept by the societies we grow up in. These values vary by both place and context and are just as powerful as personal values. Religious and company values are examples of cultural values. Types of personal values include individual values and group values – such as groups of friends or family.

Some values have fundamental worth, such as love, truth, and freedom. “Other values, such as ambition, responsibility, and courage, describe traits or behaviors that are instrumental as means to an end.” (“Values – Ethics Unwrapped”) Intrinsic values are those which are rewarding, such as creativity, social justice, and connection with nature. Extrinsic values are centered on external approval or rewards, such as wealth, social status, self image, and personal security. “Other values are considered sacred and are moral imperatives for those who believe in them.” (“Values – Ethics Unwrapped”) Consider your religious values, spiritual values, or patriotic values. Sacred values will seldom be compromised.

Values are universally recognized as a driving force in all decision-making. Ethical decision-making involves weighing values against each other and choosing which values to elevate. Conflicts result when people have different values, leading to a clash of preferences and priorities. For example, my ex-husband would help friends on occasion. I used to get upset when he would lend a helping hand fully expecting to get something in return. I could not believe he did nothing for others out of the kindness of his heart. I figured out that I valued serving others with no expectation of anything in return.

Values and beliefs drive everything we think, feel, drive, wear, our reactions, what we say and what we do. Two people can look at the same event and see thing completely different. The difference is beliefs and values. What you believe about a situation and what you value makes you see things differently. If you value something and want more of it, you have linked it to pleasure. If you value something and think it is something to avoid, you have linked it to pain.

“Each person is unique, and we value things differently. This can be source of conflict or comfort. We are comfortable around people who have similar values and are usually in conflict with those whose values are different. We move toward what give us pleasure and away from what gives us pain.”       (Source: Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within Chapter 59)

Values affect our personal relationships. We bring a set of rules into every connection we make. Rules bring expectations. We have pet peeves and ideas of how things “should” be. Sometimes these rules are valid, other times they are trivial. We tend to impose our personal values on others without telling them about our expectations or needs. Disappointment and frustration are always the result. Have you ever thought or said something like, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do that?” That is a value that we expect others to follow. Have you ever been upset because someone did not do something they said they would do? You were upset because your value of integrity was compromised.

Here are a few EXAMPLES OF VALUES

Learning: If you are constantly finding ways to feed your mind with new information and enjoy talking to others so you can discover more about them, learning is likely one of your important personal values.

Individuality: Do you “march to the beat of your own drummer” and reject the status quo? If you define yourself strictly by your own standards and consistently disregard what others believe is the “right way” to live your life, you value individuality.

Independence: The concept of freedom, including physical, emotional, or financial freedom, is important to you. You live a life where the only limit is yourself and you pull from your strength and perseverance to make things happen.

Generosity: If one of your personal values is generosity, you embody the belief that the secret to living is giving and you likely spend time volunteering, donating, or finding other ways to give back.

Knowing the answer to the question, “What are your values?” and being able to define our own personal set of rules is essential to building healthy, long-term relationships. When our values do not complement those around us, conflict often develops. And when our rules become unreasonable and make our relationships more difficult, then we need to evaluate and consider re-shaping our beliefs and values, so they create more harmony. Please note, that it is not always up to you to reshape your beliefs and values. Relationships are a two-road highway, not a one-way street. It is never wrong to evaluate and consider our values. It is wrong to change your values and beliefs based on the opinions of others without taking time for consideration and evaluation.

Check in next week for our next installment on values, “Where Do Values Come From?”

Do you have a comment, something to ad or an insight? We would love to hear what you have to say.

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Hello World

We are all wounded women at some level. Sometimes the wounds can be seen. Sometimes the wounds of the heart can only be felt but influence us in our thoughts and the way we act daily. True healing comes with a change in the way we think, act and live. Your thoughts become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your life. 

Do you find yourself in need of non-judgmental ear? Do you feel life has been unfair to you? Do you believe your pain will never end? Do you second guess your decision? Are you even able to make decisions? Do you feel undermined? When you look to the future, what do you see? Do you feel your sense of loss is so great, it is consuming you? Do you believe you’ve lost your sense of self? Are you in pain? Do you feel like your body has betrayed you?

If you answered yes to even one of these questions, this is the place for you. We envision a tribe of women who have risen out of challenging life altering traumatic experiences. Our mission is to guide women who have experienced traumatic circumstances to heal, rise and thrive. We guide women on the path to avoid the pitfalls, give a boost over the boulders and let you balance yourself so you can walk, skip and sing along the road less travelled.

There is joy to be had. This joy is yours for the asking, for the taking. It belongs to you. You deserve it. You are worthy of it. It is within you. We would love to support you as you uncover your joy.