I’m Brittany Blake, a previous psychotherapist turned financial broker. I want to start with something that might surprise you, control doesn’t come from having perfect budgets. It comes from healing what’s happening inside of you.
For years, we’ve been told the opposite: that if we just learn how to manage our money, track every dollar, and build the “right” plan, then we’ll finally feel safe and secure. But after working with people who are rebuilding their lives after trauma, and walking through my own seasons of rebuilding, I’ve come to see it differently.
True stability doesn’t start with spreadsheets and budgeting. It starts with healing.
When life has fallen apart
I’ll never forget a woman I met early in my career, let’s call her Maya.
She came to me with years of financial abuse behind her. Every dollar had been controlled. She wasn’t allowed access to accounts, and her partner used money to silence her. She wanted to “get it together,” to fix her finances, to start over. But underneath, she was just trying to feel safe again.
In our first meeting, she said, “I don’t even know what safety feels like anymore.”
And that right there, that’s where rebuilding truly begins.
When you’ve lived through trauma, whether that’s emotional abuse, financial control, loss, or betrayal, your nervous system learns to live on high alert. You can have the best plan in the world, but if your body still feels unsafe, it’s nearly impossible to stick to it.
The story we’ve been sold is fix the money, then you’ll heal
So many financial programs focus on control, on the “doing.”
Budget better. Save more. Hustle harder. Doesn’t sound too empowering does it?
But this doesn’t work for people who are rebuilding after trauma. Because what’s underneath the spending patterns, the debt, the avoidance, or even the over-control isn’t laziness, it’s pain and survival mode.
In fact, research backs this up. Studies in Canada show that women who’ve experienced financial or emotional abuse are far more likely to struggle with decision-making and trust when
it comes to money. Around 50% of women in shelter settings have faced financial abuse their partners restricted access, hid assets, or used money as a tool of control.
And the aftermath doesn’t end when the relationship does. Survivors carry deep emotional scars, fear of conflict, fear of asking for help, fear of making “wrong” decisions. (WomanACT, 2020)
So when you try to “fix the money” before healing the fear and shame behind it, the old patterns tend to return. Because it’s not a math problem, it’s an emotional one.
The shift: when healing is your foundation
I’ve spent years in the financial sector, and before that, I worked as a trauma-informed psychotherapist. And over and over again, I’ve seen this truth: when a person begins to heal emotionally, their entire relationship with money changes.
Here’s what that looks like:
1. You start to feel safe in your own body again
Until your body feels safe, numbers will always feel threatening. That’s just how trauma works. Healing might start with grounding, journaling, therapy, or breathwork, not because those
things fix your finances directly, but because they help you come back to yourself.
2. You begin to understand your money story
We all carry old stories about money, things we were told as children or learned through painful experiences.
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “People like us never get ahead.” “I’m just not good with money.”
Healing helps you notice those beliefs instead of being ruled by them.
3. You rebuild your sense of choice
Trauma can feel like it takes away choice. It tells you that control lives outside of you, like its in someone else’s hands.
Healing reminds you: you have power. You have the right to ask questions and to create your own financial life. The moment you start making small choices that align with your healed self, that’s when stability starts to grow.
Healing + action = real change
Here’s something I always emphasize: healing alone isn’t enough.
At some point, we need to take what’s happening internally and implement it in tangible ways, otherwise, we stay stuck in awareness without progress.
That’s where support comes in.
Having someone beside you who understands trauma and money, someone who doesn’t shame you for where you are, can make all the difference.
Because let’s be honest: it’s one thing to talk about “empowerment,” and it’s another to know what to actually do next. Whether it’s rebuilding credit, understanding your insurance, or learning where to be investing, you deserve support that’s compassionate, informed, and practical.
In my work as a financial professional, I’ve seen people transform not because they had the “perfect” plan, but because they had someone walking beside them, step by step. Together, we created small wins that built confidence, and that confidence became the foundation for bigger financial choices.
If you’re reading this and feeling unsure where to start, here are a few small ways to begin:
● Start with safety: Before you open your bank app or budget, take a deep breath. Feel your feet on the ground. Remind yourself that you are safe at this moment.
● Write your money story: What are your earliest memories of money? What emotions come up when you think about it? There’s power in simply noticing without judgment.
● Try micro-steps:
○ Save $5 a week in a “safety fund.”
○ Track one spending category for two weeks.
○ Say “no” to one financial obligation that doesn’t align with your values.
● Find accountability: Whether it’s a trusted friend, a coach, or a financial advisor, find someone who can hold you accountable with kindness — not criticism.
Remember, this isn’t about being perfect. It’s about learning to trust yourself again.
You are not behind. You are rebuilding.
If you’re in this season, please know: there’s nothing wrong with you. Financial instability after trauma is not a reflection of your worth — it’s a natural response to what you’ve lived through.
In fact, studies show that 71% of Canadian women report that financial stress is impacting their mental health. (Benefits Canada, 2024) You are not alone in this.
Healing your relationship with money isn’t about becoming someone else — it’s about remembering who you are, underneath the fear and scarcity.
My invitation to you is to Join The Wealthy Canadian Series
If this message resonates with you, if you’re ready to start healing emotionally and taking grounded steps toward financial stability. I want to personally invite you into The Wealthy Canadian Series, did I mention this is FREE
This isn’t a “budget bootcamp.” It’s a safe, supportive space created for Canadians to learn the basic financial strategies we should have been taught in school. You’ll gain tools, support, and strategies, but more importantly, you’ll rediscover your sense of choice.
You don’t have to do this alone. You deserve guidance that meets you where you are, with compassion, education, and hope.
If your heart is whispering “it’s time,” trust that. That’s your cue to take one small, brave step forward.
👉Join The Wealth Canadian Series: https://www.teamdld.com/TheWealthyCanadianChallenge
Healing is messy, nonlinear, and holy work. So is rebuilding your financial life. But I promise, every small act of healing you do creates ripples of stability that touch every area of your life.
You are not behind. You are becoming.
And when healing leads, money follows.
If you’d like to book a 1:1 with me please do so here: https://calendar.app.google/frBTLS21i2MG1qpo6