Wounded Women Rising

Wounded Women Rising

A Wounded Women's Way to Wisdom

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Knowledge vs Information

People are curious creatures.  We want to know stuff. The quest to know something is so great, that search engines are one of the most valued commodities in the world today.

The Google Search engine has 22,083,870,968 queries per day, that is 255,600 per second.  That is a lot of queries.  What are people searching for?  What are we seeking?

We are bombarded with information.  There are so many venues that provide constant information today, that it takes a conscious effort to reduce our consumption, or to cut ourselves off completely.  Cellphones, computers, podcasts, streaming services, social media, television, radio are competing for our attention.  At the present time, I cannot open my phone without seeing ads. This is before I put my password into my cellphone.  A bit frustrating, yes. 

Not long ago the daily news was delivered via a newspaper, or by radio or on the television twice a day.  The 6 o’clock news or the 10 or 11 o’clock news.  I remember sitting with my Dad as he drank his coffee with cream watching the Evening News.  The news then was curated from journalists.  At one time, I considered a career in journalism.  My Dad would say things like “Don’t take the news too seriously, there are more important things in life.”. 

Today much of which we are receiving is an opinion. It is a based on someone’s interpretation of fact.  What if their interpretation is flawed? TicTok, X, Instagram, and Facebook show quick bits meant to invoke emotional response. There may be entertainment value, if a cute cat picture makes one smile.   There may even be pause for thought.  Our Wounded Women Rising Facebook and Instagram accounts have daily inspirational quotes or thoughts and photos to help promote a positive life experience.

As the volume of information increases, does a person’s knowledge expand?

When one learns something new, for example a new skill, or a new way of thinking; the new information is wired in, by the repetition.  Have you ever driven a standard automobile?  You can receive the information on how to use the clutch and the stick,  the gas and brake pedals, but until you can stop on a hill, without rolling back, you don’t know how to drive a standard.  At the point when you will have mastered the sweet spot, then you know how to drive a standard.  You have confidence in your ability to drive.  That confidence empowers you to get on the highway and go to new places and have new experiences. The confidence in your ability is what drives you. 

What is knowledge?

My mentor Zoran Hochstatter says of PureBioenergy Healing Therapy the knowledge comes from the doing. In his book, 3 Chairs he states, “With the knowledge comes an enormous responsibility. The knowledge grows with practice and the joy of learning, and this leads to more personal growth.”

The information that we are subjected to on a daily basis can be a big distraction from seeking wisdom.  How often to you find yourself doom scrolling? Just mindlessly scrolling through FB or Instagram and how do you feel afterwards?  Time slipped by and what have we gained from it.

“Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is potential power. .Knowledge is trumped every day by execution.” says Tony Robbins 

 Henry W. Wright writes:  “The beginning of all wisdom begins with knowledge. You cannot have wisdom unless you first have knowledge.  You cannot have wisdom if you do not preface it with knowledge. Knowledge apart from wisdom is foolishness.”  From the book,” A More Excellent Way”.

Knowledge is a gift to us, but we must ask for it and seek it.  And upon receiving it, use it. Psalm 119.66 NLT “For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy.”

As we go along in this life, may we gain in knowledge. Let’s share what we learned and remember to treat each other with respect and kindness.  When the opportunity presents itself, walk in nature.  Find the quiet and ask God to give you what you seek. I believe that God will give us both peace and the answers that we are seeking. “Ask and it will be given to you, seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Matthew7.7-8. The Old and the New Testament are filled with verses on knowledge, wisdom and peace.  It’s worth a query.



Healing Practices
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Transformation – Hello You!

Have you had the experience of losing yourself? I have had this experience so often in my life that I nearly had a breakdown. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands feeling as if I didn’t exist, only my body did. I was crushed, broken and an empty shell. I had no worth, no existence and I wanted to die.

I also remember having the experience of walking past a mirror, catching a glimpse of myself and saying “Hello You! Where have you been hiding?

You may not have had an experience quite like this but we have all experienced the notion of Who Am I?

It is quite common for a woman to get caught up in being a partner/spouse, mother, friend, daughter, professional, Ms. Fixit, superwoman; all-knowing, all-seeing wonder of the world and lover. Where does she find herself in all of these roles? My gosh, just reading this makes me think women are the epitome of the multiple personality disorder.

No wonder that when divorce, abuse and life’s traumas hit home she cracks and breaks. It is difficult to keep all of these balls in the air. But it is during the times when her world falls apart that she has the opportunity to rediscover her essence, her soul, her one true love, herself.

I like to think of the opportunity to rediscover myself as a gift. Thinking this way does not start out like that. Heavens no! 

Thinking like this occurs during the process of self-discovery. When I realized I’d been given a gift everything changed. I focused more deeply. I got excited about the process, of the discovery. And then reams of information came my way I don’t think I ever could have found if I had spent thousands of hours in the library.

So, accept where you are at. Acknowledge and confirm your emotions, even the painful ones. Acknowledge your emotions as valid responses to your experiences. Accept yourself as you are, scars and all. This is the beginning of the self-discovery process.

Don’t forget about mind moves. Mind moves or the changing of your mind involves moving from a victim mentality to a mind SET of empowerment. Instead of feeling helpless and at the mercy of external circumstances, recognize your natural strength and responsibility in shaping your own destiny. This is the second step to self-discovery.

Allow me to introduce you a few other steps on the path to Hello You. These are easy things you can do to open the door to your heart, your soul, your one true love, you.

Reflect on your core values and beliefs. When was the last time you thought about your core values and beliefs

Values are often taken for granted. They’re just there. We adopt values from our families, friends, cultures, schools, and workplaces. We gather them like flowers along the path. Once we have them, we don’t really look at them and we don’t determine if they benefit our life or need to change. We may glance at them but we don’t really see them. My therapist showed me that values are of the ultimate importance, and it is important to determine the values that are non-negotiable.

Understanding your values can provide clarity and direction to your life.

Explore your strengths and weaknesses. What are you naturally good at? Organization? Networking? Entertaining? Design? Leadership? Administration? Caring for others? Motherhood?

Where do you have opportunities for growth? Emotional regulation? Self-Acceptance? Body positivity? Boundaries? Finding purpose?

Embrace your strengths and weaknesses. This leads to greater self-awareness, builds confidence and self-esteem.

Investigate your passions and interests. What activities bring you joy and fulfillment? If you haven’t gone for a bike ride lately, rent a bike for a day and explore your area. Do you enjoy the water? Rent a kayak or tube and join a group floating the nearest river. Have you wanted to try knitting or crocheting? There are groups everywhere to join in. Stop by a local yarn or craft shop and ask about them. Pick up a paint brush. Paint a room or a canvas. Are you concerned about world events and activism? Browse Facebook, the “net” or Instagram and find a place that aligns with your heart.

Engaging in activities that align with your passions leads to a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Ponder your life experiences, both positive and negative. Play the “I Remember” game. What have been the defining moments in your life? What lessons did you learn from them? You will laugh and you will cry. Both emotions are good for your soul.

Pondering on past experiences can provide valuable insights into your identity and aspirations. And please write them down. Memories not written down are eventually forgotten. I have the thought that if I ever get dementia or Alzheimer’s I would like my family to read these memories to me and the lessons I learned from them.

Cultivate mindfulness and self-reflection practices. Mindfulness techniques such as meditation, journaling, and deep breathing help you connect with your inner self and gain clarity on your thoughts and emotions.

Set goals and intentions for your personal growth. What do you want to achieve in various areas of your life, such as career, relationships, and health? Setting specific and measurable goals provides motivation and direction for growth. Start small. What do you want to accomplish this month or even this week? Pick one area of your life and set one goal or intention.

Step out of your comfort zone and embrace a new challenge. Your comfort zone is that safe, secure and warm area you like live in? Get out of it! Try something that makes your blood pump and mouth go dry.

Growth often occurs outside of the comfort zone, so I encourage you to take a risk and try a new experience that stretches your abilities and expands your horizons.

A friend of mine challenged me to do something that scared me once a week for 12 weeks. I took the challenge. I did not find it too difficult to find something that scared me. I had become so cocooned that even smiling at someone on my daily walk made me sweat.

After learning to smile, I got the nerve to say hello. I held me head up, smiled then said a word or two and kept walking. Pretty soon this practice is now part of who I am and what I do to show kindness in my area of the world. I have made friends in my neighbourhood.

Seek feedback and support from others. Whether it’s from friends, mentors, or professionals, or support groups, feedback provides valuable insights and perspectives for growth.

Find “your tribe”, a place where you share something in common and start sharing. Start asking questions of others. Give input and get input. We are meant to be in community.

Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can provide encouragement and accountability. Something we all need to thrive.

Prioritize continual learning and development. Whether through formal or informal education, self-study, or experiential learning, seek opportunities for growth and expansion of your knowledge and skills. Become a lifelong learner.

Cultivate resilience and adaptability in the face of challenges and setbacks. Yes, that means welcoming challenges and setbacks. Realize this is a period of profound growth and it is not to be feared.

Life is full of ups and downs, but those who can bounce back and adapt to change are better positioned for growth and success.

You don’t need to try everything on this list. Pick one. Start there.

By exploring areas of self-discovery and committing to personal growth, you embark on a transformative journey of self-awareness, empowerment, confidence and fulfillment.

Imagine catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, liking what you see and saying, “Hello You! Where have you been hiding?”

Healing Practices
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Transformation – How Do You Heal?

When someone starts talking about transformation and healing, I immediately think of the brain, the mind. Through my research I have found that most people think about a significant and positive change or evolution in various aspects of their life. This can include personal growth, self-improvement, inner healing, or a dramatic shift in mindset, behavior, or circumstances.

I have learned over the years that transformation is not just about the mind. The mind and body are connected. What one believes in their mind affects their body. There is an intricate relationship between our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and our physical health. The mind-body connection suggests that our mental and emotional states influence our physical well-being, and vice versa.

The mind-body connection is rooted in the biological and neurological systems of the body. The brain and nervous system play a central role in processing and responding to both internal and external stimuli, including thoughts, emotions, and sensations. Neurotransmitters, hormones, and other chemical messengers transmit signals between the brain and the body, influencing various physiological processes.

Our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs have a direct impact on our physical responses. For example, when we experience stress or anxiety, the brain activates the body’s stress response system, triggering the release of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones can lead to physical changes such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and muscle tension.

It is my belief that you cannot transform the mind only. In the process of transforming your mind you will transform your body. In the process of transforming your body you will transform your mind.

Please don’t misunderstand me. You aren’t going to have the body of an athlete if you simply change your mindset. However, if you have a mindset shift and believe you can have the body of an athlete you can actually achieve that. It will take work and perseverance.  But if you believe you can, you will. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”

I would rather practice wellness than always addressing sickness. Wellness includes many healing modalities that encompass a wide range of practices and techniques to support the journey of transformation. My purpose in this article is to introduce different methods and for you to choose the ones that fit your beliefs, lifestyle, and pocketbook.

Traditional Therapy

Traditional therapy or counseling sessions with licensed therapists provide safe and supportive environments for you to explore your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Therapists utilize various therapeutic approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), psychodynamic therapy, solution focused brief therapy, (SFBT) and trauma-informed therapy to help individuals process their past traumas, develop coping strategies, and cultivate resilience.

I have engaged in psychodynamic therapy, solution focused brief therapy and trauma-informed therapy. My favorite, by far, was the solution focused brief therapy. I found it to be the quickest and most effective therapy with the best results. I found that dwelling on the past and it’s influence on my life was a slow painful process as I had to relive the events and the emotions. I got more and more depressed and felt like I was spinning my wheels getting nowhere.

Sure, I did get some helpful tools in the process but the road was painful and too long. 

With solution focused brief therapy I determined the outcome I wanted and mapped out the road to get there. I didn’t dwell on the past. I focused on my now and my future. Less money. Better results.

Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation practices are powerful tools for cultivating self-awareness, reducing stress, and promoting emotional well-being. These practices involve paying attention to the present moment with openness and acceptance, without judgment. Techniques such as mindful breathing, body scans, and loving-kindness meditation can help individuals become more grounded, centered, and connected to themselves.

Meditation and mindfulness take time and practice. One often hears that you need to “empty your mind” to be an expert meditator and look like the gurus in many pictures. I have found that it is impossible to silence the chatter in my mind.

I started meditation and mindfulness about 3 years ago. It was tough at first. As soon as I sat in a quiet space my mind took over. I made grocery lists, listed phone calls I needed to make, jobs I had to do and even try to figure out solutions to not only my own problems but other people’s problems too. I was so frustrated I almost gave up.

Then, I read something by Dr. Wayne Dyer. He stated that it was not possible to empty your mind. He did say that it was possible to acknowledge the thoughts and let them pass. He said not to make judgements on what my mind was doing, just let the thought pass. I tried it and it works.

Now, I practice meditation at least twice a day, especially in the morning. I have joined a group of other meditators. We are currently working our way through the chakras. I am loving this practice.

The other meditation I do is online with Dr. Joe Dispenza. I find that my days are easier because I have more trust. More trust in myself. More trust in God. More trust in my abilities and the people who come into my life.

Mindfulness to me is paying attention to my thoughts and my words. How am I speaking to myself? How am I speaking to others? Am I being loving and kind? Am I being compassionate? When I pay attention, I can see what I like and don’t like and can change it in an instant.

I find driving brings out the worst in me. When I’m mindful I realize that the person who just pulled that jerk move has their “stuff” to go through and I can let it go and continue on my way without stewing or swearing about it.

Yoga

Yoga combines physical postures, breathwork, and meditation to promote holistic health and well-being. Yoga helps individuals release tension stored in the body, increase flexibility and strength, and cultivate mindfulness.

The practice of yoga increases body awareness. Through the practice we learn how we move through life. With breathwork we become aware of the importance of oxygen not only our physical body but to our emotions as well.

I used to hate yoga. I took many classes wanting to like it. But I never did! I walked out of a yoga class feeling like I got nothing out of it. The only yoga pose I really liked was “legs up the wall”. Yummy but not worth doing a whole class.

Then Covid hit. I wasn’t exercising as much. I was going through cancer treatments with my mom and a divorce. My stress levels were very high. All I wanted was to stretch. The only way I knew to get the stretch I desired was through yoga.  

I contacted my sisters and told them my dilemma. I asked them to join me in an online yoga class. They all agreed. We would do the yoga practice in our own homes and text the others when we were done and report on how we did. This was the beginning of my love of yoga. I do not do it everyday but I do engage in the practice at some point during the week. I also use some yoga moves as a cool down to my regular workout. Now, yoga is yummy and worth it to me.

Art Therapy

Art therapy is a form of expressive therapy that uses the creative process of making art to improve and enhance physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It can be a powerful tool for self-expression, exploration, and healing.

Through various art forms such as painting, drawing, sculpture, and collage, you can externalize your internal experiences, gain insights into your emotions, and access deeper layers of your consciousness. Art therapy can be particularly beneficial for those who may find it challenging to verbalize their feelings or simply don’t have the words to express themselves.

Many therapists, counselors, and mental health professionals offer art therapy sessions as part of their practice. These sessions provide a safe and supportive environment for individuals to explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences through artmaking. If you would like to experiment with art therapy, ask your therapist about it. If they don’t offer it as part of their practice, they should be able to connect you with someone who does.

Community art centers often offer classes, workshops, and open studio sessions for people of all ages and skill levels. These centers provide access to art materials, studio space, and guidance from experienced instructors, making it easy for individuals to explore their creativity in a supportive and non-judgmental setting.

There are many online resources and platforms that offer virtual art classes, tutorials, and communities for artists of all levels. Websites such as Skillshare, Udemy, and YouTube provide a wealth of instructional videos and resources for learning different art techniques and styles from the comfort of home.

Attending local art events, exhibitions, and gallery openings can also inspire artistic expression. These events provide opportunities to connect with other artists, explore different art forms and styles, and gain inspiration from the work of others. It also gets you out of the house. Call up a friend or go by yourself. You will never regret feeding your mind with soulful adventures.

Art therapy is more about the process of creating than the end result. Maybe we should rename art therapy, Creative Healing. Hmmmm, I like that sound of that.

Focus on the act of self-expression and exploration rather than worrying about creating a masterpiece. Experiment with different art mediums and techniques to find what resonates with you. Painting, drawing, sculpture, or mixed media. Pick one to start. There are endless possibilities for creative expression.

There are no right or wrong ways to make art. Your efforts and your unique perspective and experiences are valuable. If you are perfectionist Creative Healing is an ideal way to climb out of the perfection space and accept what is and call it beautiful. Always remember, the more you engage in the activity the better you get.

Nature Therapy

Spending time in nature has been shown to have numerous therapeutic benefits, including reducing stress, improving mood, and promoting overall well-being. Nature therapy, also known as ecotherapy or wilderness therapy, includes activities such as hiking, gardening, or simply spending time outdoors in natural settings. Forest bathing or Shin Rin Yoku is a method of nature therapy. Get out in the bush or the woods. Don’t be afraid to touch the trees.

Connecting with the natural world can help you feel grounded, rejuvenated, and connected to something greater than yourself. Stop. Breathe. Relax. Believe. Love.

Breathwork

Breathwork practice focus on the conscious control of your breath to promote relaxation, emotional release, and inner healing. Techniques such as deep diaphragmatic breathing, breath awareness, and breath retention can help you regulate your nervous system, reduce anxiety, and access deeper states of consciousness. Breathwork sessions led by trained facilitators provide a supportive space for individuals to explore their breath and its connection to their emotions and experiences.

I started doing breathwork when I was introduced to the work of Wim Hof. Wim Hoff, also known as The Iceman, is a Dutch motivational speaker and extreme athlete noted for his ability to withstand low temperatures. His method is a technique that combines controlled deep breathing, cold therapy, and commitment to help you connect more deeply to your body.

I enjoy the Wim Hoff breathwork. I have not mastered the cold therapy. I keep trying but I have to admit I do not like it. I would rather be warm. There is still a benefit to engaging with his breathing technique.

I have discovered other breathing techniques through my yoga practice and with my meditation coach SevaRam Spronk. I love all of it.

Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy

My favorite healing modality is Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy. Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy is based on the principle that the body has an innate ability to heal itself when its energy flow is balanced and unobstructed.

Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy offers a gentle yet powerful approach to promoting health and well-being by restoring the body’s natural energy balance. It can be an effective tool for addressing a wide range of physical, emotional, and mental health concerns and supporting individuals on their journey toward optimal wellness.

Practitioners of Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy work with the body’s energy allowing energy to flow freely and facilitate the healing process.

Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy utilizes various techniques to assess and address energetic imbalances in the body. These techniques may include identifying areas of congestion or depletion, and using specific hand movements and intention to channel healing energy to the affected areas. The energy of life has all the information of wellness in it, therefore the body knows exactly what to do with it. The therapy is non-invasive, structured and typically involves light touch or hands-off approaches.

Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy can be used to address a wide range of physical, emotional, and mental health concerns. It is often used to alleviate pain, accelerate healing from injuries or surgeries, reduce stress and anxiety, improve sleep quality, and enhance overall well-being. The therapy is gentle and suitable for people of all ages, from infants to the elderly.

Clients who receive Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy often report feeling deeply relaxed, peaceful, and energized during and after sessions. Some may experience sensations such as warmth, tingling, or subtle movements in the body as energy begins to shift and rebalance. Many clients notice improvements in their symptoms and overall well-being with continued sessions over time.

Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy can be used as a complementary approach alongside conventional medical treatments. While it is not a replacement for medical care, it can support the body’s natural healing processes and enhance the effectiveness of other treatments.

Each month you get to participate in an online Pure Bioenergy 4 Life Healing Event. You can register using this link. For more information about this healing modality click on any of the links above.

You will notice that I did not talk about diet and exercise. There is so much information available to you if you want to go in this direction. I felt it was better to talk about other ways to transform your body. Choose one of the modalities I’ve talked about. Experience the difference it can make in your life. I dare you!

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Your Transformation – Mind Moves

Mind moves, mind shift, perspective change or reality re-evaluation. Whatever you call it the principle is to “change your mind”. I change my mind every day. I change my mind about what I’m going to wear. I change my mind about what to have for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I change my mind because I’m a woman – and that’s my prerogative. This kind of mind change is not what I want to talk about today.

I want to talk about what goes on in your mind when you want to make a change in your life. I want to talk about how you move your mind from negative thinking to positive thinking. This kind of mind move is the second phase in transformation.

Think of like this. The old digital alarm clocks had a SET button. You choose the time you want to wake up, scroll through the time until you get it just right and press the SET button. This keeps the time in memory. When that time rolls around, the alarm goes off. In the same way, mind moves shift you from a negative way of thinking to a positive way of thinking. You push the SET button to keep it in memory.

A powerful mind move involves moving from a victim mentality to a mind SET of empowerment. Instead of feeling helpless and at the mercy of external circumstances, you recognize your natural strength and responsibility in shaping your own destiny.

For example, rather than dwelling on past traumas over things that happened to you, you get to reframe the event as an experience that shaped your resilience and ability to overcome adversity. You’re still standing. The fact that you are still standing is testament to your strength and resilience.

Transitioning from a fixed mind SET to a growth mind SET is another important mind move. Rather than believing your abilities and qualities are fixed traits, you get to see challenges as opportunities for growth and learning. This is a growth mind move. You move to embrace setbacks as temporary rather than insurmountable obstacles and approach life with a sense of curiosity. You are open to new experiences.

Many women who have experienced trauma struggle with self-doubt and low self-esteem. A mind move in this area involves cultivating self-confidence and self-belief.

When I learned that it was necessary for me to make this mind move, I panicked. I didn’t think it was possible. I believed that this was the way I was and it could not change. If you think this way or this statement fills you with anxiety, please, take a deep breath, exhale slowly and believe that you can cultivate self-confidence.

Cultivating self-confidence involves challenging negative self-talk and replacing it with affirmations of self-worth and capability. For example, instead of telling myself, “I’m not good enough,” I affirm, “I am worthy of love and respect, and I have the strength to overcome any challenge.” It can seem so simple, yet the result of replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmation is SO PROFOUND.

Positive affirmations provide a counterbalance to negative thoughts. Affirming statements challenge and replace destructive beliefs with more empowering beliefs. Repeating positive affirmations gradually rewires your brain to adopt positive and supportive thought patterns, leading to improved self-esteem and self-worth.

Positive affirmations cultivate self-compassion by offering words of kindness, understanding, and acceptance. By affirming your own worthiness, strength, and resilience, you learn to treat yourself with greater kindness and compassion, nurturing a deeper sense of self-love and acceptance.

Positive affirmations inject hope and optimism into your life reminding you that healing is possible and that better days lie ahead. Declarations such as “I trust in the healing process,” “I believe in my ability to heal,” and “I am deserving of a bright future” instill a sense of hope and possibility. This motivates you to persevere on your journey of recovery.

Fear often holds us back from pursuing our dreams and living life to the fullest. A mind move from fear to courage involves acknowledging the presence of your fear but not letting it dictate your actions.

It means stepping out of our comfort zone and taking a bold leap of faith, even in the face of uncertainty. For example, instead of allowing fear of failure to paralyze you, you get to embrace the unknown and take a calculated risk to pursue your goals and dreams.

Take risks. Try new experiences that stretch your abilities and expand your horizons. It may be scary at first, but the effort will be so worth it.

Finally, a transformative mind move involves shifting from an attitude of scarcity to one of abundance. Instead of viewing life through a lens of lack and limitation, you get to see abundance and possibility all around you.

Abundance is not only financial. If you open your heart and your eyes you will see the abundance in your life. I like to go for a walk in the woods regularly. I see the power of the trees and the wind. I see the beauty of the forest floor. I breathe in the clean air. This to me is abundance. Abundance, for me, is looking into the eyes of my children and grandchildren, being thankful they have been given to me and I feel rich. I can look in my fridge and see that I have enough, even if it’s only enough for today.

This may involve practicing gratitude for what you already have and adopting an abundance mind SET that attracts more positivity and abundance into your life. For example, rather than focusing on what you lack, focus on what you have to be grateful for and trust that your needs will be provided.

I find that writing down the things I am grateful for today is an impactful practice. I am reminded of all things, people, places, and experiences I have had. I see how these have impacted my life and I live with a grateful heart. I can also be grateful for my future and picture what that looks like.

I know a woman named Lena. Lena had always felt like she was merely surviving, navigating her days with a heavy heart and a sense of resignation. Deep within her soul, she longed for something more—a life filled with purpose, joy, and fulfillment.

One day, as Lena sat in her tiny apartment, surrounded by the familiar trappings of her existence, she couldn’t shake the feeling that there had to be more to life than what she was experiencing. She yearned for a change, a transformation that would break the chains of her self-imposed limitations and set her spirit free.

With a flicker of determination, Lena embarked on a journey of self-discovery—a journey that would challenge her beliefs, push her boundaries, and ultimately lead her to profound transformation.

As Lena delved into the depths of her own psyche, she encountered the first hurdle on her path: the victim mindset. This mindset held her captive for a long time.

She realized that she had been allowing her past traumas to define her, casting herself as the helpless victim of circumstances beyond her control. But in that moment of awareness, Lena made a conscious choice to reclaim her power—to rise above her past and embrace her innate strength and resilience.

With each move forward, Lena encountered new challenges that tested her resolve. She faced moments of doubt and uncertainty, grappling with the fear of the unknown that threatened to hold her back. But instead of allowing fear to dictate her actions, Lena summoned the courage within her—the courage to step into the unknown, to trust in her own abilities, and to pursue her dreams with unwavering determination.

Along the way, Lena discovered the transformative power of a growth mindset—a belief in her own potential to learn, grow, and evolve. She realized that setbacks were not roadblocks, but rather opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

With each challenge she encountered, Lena embraced the opportunity to expand her horizons, to push past her comfort zone, and to emerge stronger and more resilient than before.

As Lena journeyed deeper into the heart of her own transformation, she began to see the world through new eyes—an abundance mindset opened her heart to the infinite possibilities that surrounded her. She realized that life was not a zero-sum game, but rather a tapestry of abundance and opportunity, waiting to be woven into the fabric of her own unique story.

In the end, Lena emerged from her journey of transformation not as a mere survivor, but as a beacon of hope and inspiration to all who knew her. She had exceeded her limitations, embraced her true essence, and stepped into a reality filled with joy, purpose, and fulfillment.

Now, you get to choose how your transformation develops.  This is ALL about you. No one can take it away. It is nobody else’s business. Your transformation is NOT selfish. Your transformation is the MOST loving act you can do for yourself. Without loving yourself it is impossible to love anyone else.

By making these mind moves, your get to transform your perspective on life. You get to unlock your full potential. You get to create a reality filled with joy, purpose, and fulfillment. This is your journey of self-discovery and empowerment. This journey begins with changing the way you think and perceive the world around you.

The next blog post in this series is the exploration of the huge impact healing methods can have on your transformation.

Remember that trauma does not define you. You choose how to live your life.  

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Transformation: Acceptance and Self-compassion

I did something the other day I don’t usually do. I found myself scrolling through social media. One reel hooked me into another, and then another and another and on and on it went.

I know the concept of reels is to hook the viewer into more and more. I got hooked. Then next thing I knew an hour and half went by at the speed of my finger. Can you relate? Has this EVER happened to you?

After I had finished chastising myself on the waste of time, I realized something significant.

I realized a lot of the reels I watched were about transformation. I have to admit I have been doing research on the concept of transformation and engaging in some transformative practices.

Algorithms caught on and filled my feed with reels about transformation. Now, not all reels were about transformation. Some were just plain funny and I laughed ‘til I cried. I love a sense of humour. I can still see the outrageous stuff people do and I chuckle to myself. Hmmmm.

Right. Let’s get back to what I was talking about.

So, was scrolling a waste of time? I’m going out on a limb and saying “NO”.

The fact that I realized what I had been watching was of some value made me a bit giddy. I had held the belief that all social media scrolling was to fill in time waiting for appointments or an avenue to killing off brain cells. I was wrong.

Choke! Choke! Gag!

Yes, I was wrong and I am not afraid to admit it. It isn’t easy but I do admit it.

In that hour and a half, I learned some new things and I cemented in the things I already knew and discovered. And now I get to share what I learned with you.

If you aren’t interested in transforming any area of your life, duck out now. I suspect you’ll be bored.

If you are interested in transforming an area of your life read on. My prayer is that you will be blessed and get excited to begin the process of transforming your life to what YOU want it to be.

To start I think we need to ask the question, “Is transformation really possible?”. I give the answer to this question two thumbs up. YES! It is possible to transform your life.

Think about it. Most movies we watch are about transformations. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The Hulk. Kevin Spacey’s character in The Usual Suspects. Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor. The Gremlins. Star Wars and don’t forget about every Marvel movie. I believe I made my point.

So yes, transformation is possible. Transformation is not an easy road. Transformation is definitely worth the time, effort and money you invest in the process. So, where do you begin?

Transformation usually starts with a crisis. You hit rock bottom and find yourself in despair and or depression. You can’t do this anymore. How did you get here? How did you get into this? What just happened? How could he?

I am sure you can relate to at least one of these questions during a crisis in your life. I’m also sure you can add a thousand questions to this list.

I remember thinking during one of my many crises that maybe it was me. “If I could just find a way to change me everything would be okay.” So, I tried to change me, a transformation. I tried to become what I thought he wanted. That didn’t work! It actually made matters worse. I was miserable because I was living against my values, what I believed and who I was. My misery made the whole situation worse. Yes, transformation is not always positive.

I also remember a time when my second marriage was in dire trouble. I tried everything I knew at the time to “fix it”. This went on for a few years. Then one morning I woke up and decided it was not about him anymore. It was not about us anymore. It was about me.

I started my journey to wholeness, strength, confidence, and self-worth.

I engaged in psychotherapy to find my way out of the internal chatter that threatened to bury me. I read books. I found online groups for support. I went to retreats, seminars and workshops. I took part in online challenges. I sought out the thoughts and ideas of leaders in the field of transformation. I studied biographies of people who believed in themselves, went against “the norm” and found themselves, their strengths, and their passions.

Ladies, it has been quite the journey. It has cost me a lot of time, money, tears, anger and joy, mostly joy. This journey continues and I do not want to stop. I have found beauty among the ashes. I have found inner joy. I am happy – most of the time. I am an overcomer. I have even had do-overs!

So, where do you start on your journey of transformation – if you decide to start the challenge?

You have heard the quote by Lao Tzu, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” This is exactly where to start. You start with the first step.

The first step is your decision to invest in yourself. If there is to be a change in your life, that change starts with you.

I believe you made that decision when you started reading this article or looking online for topics on personal change and transformation. We all long to be like the butterfly who emerges from the cocoon as a beautiful creature.

What do you do when you’ve made that decision? Good question! And bravo for asking it. When you ask a good question, you get a good answer. Your next step is acceptance.

Acceptance begins with acknowledging and confirming your emotions, even the painful ones.

When a woman experiences trauma she can allow herself to feel the depth of her sadness, anger, or fear without judgment. Instead of pushing these emotions away or denying their existence, she can acknowledge them as valid responses to her experiences.

Allow me to tell you a story.

Maya was no stranger to life’s challenges; she has weathered her fair share of storms and emerged stronger each time. Despite her resilience, there was still a heaviness in her heart—a lingering ache from wounds that ran deep.

One day Maya found herself sitting by the riverbank, lost in thought. Memories of past sufferings flooded her mind, threatening to consume her in a sea of sorrow. Tears welled up in her eyes as she struggled to make sense of it all.

In that moment of vulnerability, Maya realized that she had been fighting against herself, resisting the pain that clamored for acknowledgment. With an audible moan, she let go of her defenses and allowed herself to feel—to truly feel—the weight of her emotions. She embraced her sadness, her anger, her fear, like old friends returning home after a long journey.

Maya felt a gentle stirring within her—a flicker of self-compassion igniting in the depths of her soul. She spoke softly to herself, offering words of kindness and understanding, like soothing balm to a wounded heart.

“I forgive you,” she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. “I forgive you for carrying this burden for so long. You deserve peace, and I will walk beside you every step of the way.”

With each passing day, Maya practiced self-compassion in small but profound ways. She learned to let go of the heavy cloak of self-blame that had weighed her down for years.  Instead, she embraced the lightness of forgiveness and grace. She set boundaries to protect her tender heart. She surrounded herself with love and support.

As the seasons turned and the world bloomed around her, Maya found herself transformed. She was not transformed by the absence of pain, but by the acceptance of it. She had become a beacon of hope for others, living proof to the power of acceptance and self-compassion on the journey of healing.

And so, dear reader, remember Maya’s story as you navigate your own path of transformation. Embrace your pain, your imperfections, with open arms, for it is in acceptance that true healing begins.

This is the beginning of your journey in transformation. Acceptance takes time. Take this opportunity to accept. Give yourself the gift of time to accept yourself as you are, scars and all. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Don’t run from them. Your emotions are part of you, a beautiful part of you.

Show yourself compassion. This means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Present yourself with words of comfort and reassurance during difficult moments. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can given your circumstances.

Acceptance also means letting go of self-blame and recognizing that traumatic events are not your fault. A woman who has experienced abuse can release feelings of guilt or shame and understand that she did not deserve what happened to her. Instead of blaming herself for past actions or decisions, she can focus on nurturing herself and begin moving forward.

Self-compassion and acceptance involve embracing your imperfections and recognizing that nobody is perfect. A woman can forgive herself for past mistakes or perceived shortcomings, understanding that they do not define her worth. Instead of striving for unattainable standards of perfection, celebrate your uniqueness and inherent value.

Acceptance includes setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and honor your needs. You can assertively communicate your boundaries with others, expressing what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. Prioritize self-care and respect your limits. In this way you show self-compassion and cultivate a sense of empowerment.

When you practice acceptance and self-compassion you develop a deeper sense of self-awareness, resilience, and inner peace. These habits serve as the foundation for healing and growth, allowing you to embrace your true self with love and compassion.

There is more to discover on this journey of transformation. Next week we will uncover mindset shifts that can change your perspective and significantly affect your personal healing journey.

May you always be guided by the gentle whispers of self-compassion, leading you home to the depths of your own beautiful soul.

Handling Life
Featured

The Sweet Smell of Success

How do you spell Success? How do you define success?  Each of us has our own definition of success.  Our view of success comes from what we value. What we value comes from our belief patterns.

Today I want to share a few success stories from the women in our group.

One of the values that each of these women share is tenacity or resilience. The ability to bounce back from disasters, disappointment, divorce, and the despair that often cloaks those hard events in our life.  These ladies made a decision that was right for them. It took courage.  It took listening to their own counsel, as often other people told them it couldn’t be done. It took prayer and faith that the outcome would be good.

These women made bold decisions, and with perseverance achieved their desires. Sometimes in life, we don’t realize the talents, abilities or skills we possess until we are put to the test.  If we stay in the same position, and don’t stretch ourselves, our physical muscles will atrophy.  If we don’t expand beyond our current thoughts, how can we grow? If we don’t try, we will die.  

All new experiences, take an effort.  How many times have you had a thought, or desire, and squashed it before it had time to germinate.  It is in our nature to protect ourselves from perceived danger.  However, often the perceived danger is an illusion. It is a culmination of tangled emotion, fears, generational mores of “this is the way something is done”. Don’t rock the boat, or cause a fuss, and heavens above, don’t bring attention to yourself.  

If you are told, sit down and be quiet repeatedly, eventually you comply. One acquiesces, however the desire to express the goal, desire, dream, does not go away.  It festers. It may be stagnant for many years or decades. The dream may lie dormant, until you give it the time, attention, diligence, and yes love, that both you and the dream need to bloom. 

Yet, as these women and many others have shown us, when the opportunity arises take the leap. Better yet when, in confidence, you decide you will live differently, doing that which your heart desires and create the opportunity by your new way of thinking.  Success, joy, excitement, and a life well-lived awaits.  I am excited to share with you these lovely ladies and their heart felt success stories.

My friend, Lori who has a philosophy of lifelong learning, and a strong desire to be of service made the decision at age 60 to go to university and get her law degree.  Lori will graduate this April as she is called to the bar.  It has been a tough three years of study. Some of the biggest hurdles she overcame had to due with finding housing in different cities. She studied in Toronto, London and in Windsor.  She did love interacting with the young students who were her classmates.  They too loved being with her, as they experienced the love and wisdom, she brought to all their group assignments.  Lori has her teaching degree, and taught and administered in a private school, which she and her ex-husband had started.  She taught in the public school system. She is a licensed wedding officiant, a pastor, and has her real estate license.  

Yes, I admire and am often in awe of her energy, her joie de vie, her incredible faith, and her unwavering friendship.   This September she will be competing in a body building competition.  Lori has overcome life experiences that could have been crippling. Instead, she chooses to draw strength from adversity.  She is strong in body, mind and spirit.  Several years ago, she read and was inspired by Heather McCallion’s book,” Hurricane Hazel, A Life with Purpose”. Heather McCallion lived to age 101, and was the longest serving mayor of Mississauga, Ontario.

Lori often asks me, “What do you want to do with the next 30 years of your life?” “Have you uncovered your purpose?”  Lori motivates me to higher expectations then what I would hold for myself.  I am so grateful for that.  

Our next woman holds her dedication to her family as her north star.  She is devoted to her children and grandchildren. Her artist ability colours all aspects of her life. She is loyal, indefatigable, and generous.  Her dream to own her home has been a part of her for as long as I can remember.  As children she would arrange and re-arrange the furniture in our room. She painted a beautiful mural on the bedroom wall. Her desire to have her own space, where she could be her authentic, artistic, kind, glorious self has been in her conversation forever. 

I don’t know that my sister, Jane even realizes how inspirational, self motivated and passionate she is.  She always finds a way. She has sewn cushions for the chairs she stripped, sanded and varnished. She is an innovator. If something needs to be done, she will find a way to do it.

These past few years she has renovated a trailer, learning new skills like metal turning.  She was one of the first girls to take shop class in high school and won the Industrial Arts award for her projects.  She also chose to pursue a new education and career after age 50.  Last year Jane made the leap to purchase her own condo. Of course, it is getting the Designed by Jane treatment. She has created a sanctuary for herself and her grandchildren to thrive there.  Her dream is coming to fruition, as she and her environment blooms.  I am so excited for her.  Her sense of humour and dogged determination help her overcome the many obstacles she has encountered.  Her “Yes, I can” attitude is infectious.  She brings optimism, light, and enthusiasm to all she encounters.

Many of us has been through trials and tribulations, this woman has had more than her share. 

SevaRam discovered her spiritual path and her spiritual gift as she was searching for ways to deal with post-partum depression.  SevaRam is an inspirational leader.  She teaches meditation, and the importance of stilling the mind to calm the body. She started a group for heart led women entrepreneurs called HeartSpace CoLab so we can share our experiences, our tech finds, our wins and our struggles and learn how to be an online presence. 

She encourages all to persevere even when the road is rough.  She shares her vulnerability.  Her courses and offerings are very well-received. She practices what she preaches.  Her passion for helping others shines through in all she does.  She is a pioneer in what she is doing. A thought leader, who is led by her heart.  She is proof, success is what you make it.

I salute these women who have all defined their version of success.  How sweet it is.

How sweet they are, as they and their dreams bloom, infusing joy and the brightening the lives of all they encounter. 

What dream will you fertilize today, so it will bloom in your future? Your success awaits.

Handling Life
Featured

Courage

Courage what does that word mean to you?

We live in world which holds images of super heroes in high regard. Science fiction stories or movies with, lots of illustrations of women welding their swords in the air, ready to smite injustice, and stand for righteousness sell out with each new offering.  Wonder Woman, Storm, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Laura Kroft are instantly recognizable. Why is it that the concept of super woman is appealing?  In fact, it has become part of our vernacular: “Being a super-Mom”, “What is your super power?”

Is this superwoman concept something to which we wish to aspire?  These are fictional characters.

They are portrayed with principles or values that may be appealing to us, however.

Strength, loyalty, integrity and courage are values we can strive to incorporate in our lives.

Courage is the capacity to persist despite the fear, suffering, pain or failure.  A courageous person may feel fear; however, they choose to do the thing anyways.  Courage can also be the capacity to think, act or be different than the norm.  In other blogs we have acknowledged that throughout history, the norm has not been the best way.  It is okay to think for yourself. To base your decisions on your own experience and contemplate your actions with faith and discernment takes courage.

If you feel you lack courage, there are ways to exercise it and increase it in your daily life. You may want to encourage your internal lion.

Stretch out of your comfort zone – make one small decision or action towards that which you wish to achieve.  Open your mind so that you are at least able to consider a different way of doing something.   It may be as simple as taking a new way home or as complex as considering a course to lead to a new career.  Be open.

You could choose to have the courage to speak to people about topics that may not be popular. If things need to be changed to improve life, your life and others you care about. It may take a good bit of courage to have those discussions.

Courage to forgive the past, so you can live in the present without the heartache, bitterness or anger , regret or shame.  You are not the same person you were then, that person is gone, so let her go.

Every choice we make may not be the best choice. That’s ok.  Have the courage to choose and if you realize an error or find a better way, then redirect, reset your direction, and have the courage to admit your mistake.  We all make mistakes. We fall, we fail, we get back up {and look around to see if anyone saw us tumble}, we begin again but not from the start.

You have collected experience and wisdom along the way.  The courage to recognize that not all change can be seen immediately.  It takes courage to persevere, to keep going especially when things get tough.  So often when we don’t get immediate returns on our efforts, we give up.  You may try something once, and state that it didn’t work. Any new habit, or lifestyle change takes on average 3 months to take effect and see the results. The results are happening, you just don’t see them yet. Stick with it. Remember life often looks darkest before the dawn. Share with Rose and I what you would like to be courageous in, we will encourage you. Lions stay with their pride and the lioness can be the most courageous in leading her family.

Here’s a wee poem to inspire you to let your inner lion out.

Courage

Courage to say no

Courage to let go

Courage to believe

Courage to succeed

Courage to unwind

Courage to un whine /wine

Courage to address

That which makes us best

Courage to Love with

Unfettered heart

Knowing , having faith

You can always restart.

Handling Life
Featured

Spring  Renewal and Regrowth

Spring – the words itself invokes visions of light, green growth, shoots of flowers, and plants

peaking up out of the dark earth.  The scent of fresh air, and damp soil. The melodious song of so many different kinds of birds filling the morning with their cacophony of joy.

The warmth of the sun’s rays beckoning us to come outside, shed your jackets, coats, sweaters and boots.  Feel the warm of the sun and a gentle breeze caress your face.

Leave your worries to embrace this new day. This new opportunity for growth, renewal and fresh, creative ideas.   This time for play.  For within play is afforded the space for creativity.

Spending time with children allows us to view the world with their eyes of innocent and wonder.  They don’t concern themselves with the latest election polls, the cost of things or whatever the latest media disaster or distraction is.   They are simply joyful in the moment.

Walk with a child in the woods, or a beach or in a backyard and discover how they act? What bugs attract them, ladybug or beetles? What sounds do they pay attention to?  What thoughts do they share with you?  Listen, and explore this world which holds a natural rhythm that is for our benefit.

Walk with yourself or a friend and let your inner child be refreshed, cherished and listened to.  Yes, give yourself permission to be goofy. To jump in those puddles, to stoop to smell the crocuses, snowdrops, and the glorious scent of the  hyacinths in bloom. This is our season of renewal. What would you like to renew?  What would you like to bring new life to?

A forgotten friendship?  A passion for painting or photography?  A spiritual journey?  Perhaps you want to teach a skill, or learn a new skill?  What would the kid in you like to do? Is this the year you join a softball team?

We can plant seeds in this the springtime of our life.  We can expect new growth and have expectations of harvesting future bounty.  That is called hope.  Hope Springs Eternal.

It is not a coincidence that after a winter of isolation, hibernation and Netflix that we crave a new experience.  Spring and the increase of sunlight in this hemisphere does create a quickening of the blood, a desire for something new, a spring fling mentality.  Go outside. Get some sunshine. Breathe that fresh clean ionized air.  Allow a renewal of your state of mind and spirit.  The season is changing.  You can choose to change with it.

As you put away your boots, and bring out your sandals – can you permit yourself to walk lighter?  Can you put away some of the worries that hold you down? Most of the things we worry about, never come to pass. Release them and renew our minds with light and loving thoughts.  Let that child-like sense of wonder stay with us.  Foster it. Fertilizer the acts of kindness that make our hearts sing like those birds in the morning.

Listen to your inner wisdom, asking the Holy Spirit to guide your thoughts.  What new adventure awaits today?  Who can I call and share this happiness of the season with?

What good trouble can I get into?  Where are those puddles?  

Wishing you a joy filled, adventurous, bouncy Spring.

Blog Posts Handling Life
Featured

The Summit

As you go along through life’s busy hours, 

Pause now and then just smell the flowers.

If the road gets rough, or the climb gets steep.

Pause and rest a while, perhaps take a wee sleep.

Don’t stop too long.  Do seize the day

For good things will come along the way.

Don’t tarry, or think there’s not good to be found

The good is out there, just look around.

For in moving forward, the scenery changes,

The next opportunity may be o’er those mountain ranges.

Your experience you will always pack along side you.

The courage to move upward, will take you to the next view.

For on this road of life, remember it is true:

Love lifts you up and God will provide.

But only you can git up off your hide.

You got it in you.  Don’t doubt your ability.

Gather your friends and show off your mobility.

You may have to walk, drag your ass through the mud,

You may scrape your knees, just wipe off the blood.

Keep going my friend. The summit is worth it.

The climb makes the conquer of trials so sweet.

When you look from the top, down that trail that you beat,

The boulders, the briars, the swamp, and the heat.

Rejoice, sing out loud, bang your drum, do a dance

You did it!  Kept faith, and look you are thriving!

Now hold out your hand to the next girl in line,

To reassure her that all will be fine.

Blog Posts Healing Practices
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Watch What You Think

Why do we think the way we think? 

What has informed us? One element of being human is that we are consistently seeking new information.  We think that is knowledge.  The news, social media, libraries, the education systems all exist because of our desire to know.  Curiosity is a good thing.

Well, maybe not for cats.

Do we believe things just because we are told that those things are true? How many things throughout history that have been believed to be true are false?  They are so far from being true that in some ways we cannot fathom that people believed them.  For centuries, it was believed that women were less intelligent than men. It was believed that certain cultures or races were less intelligent than the race in power at the time.  It was believed that the earth was the centre of the universe.   These were presented as facts.  Yet these presumed facts are as far from the truth as can be.

History shows us that just thinking something is so, does not make it so.  

You have heard it said that your thoughts create your actions, your actions create your habits, and your habits create your life.   What are those thoughts that are creating your actions?  What is the recording that is playing in the background of our mind?  Where did those thoughts come from?  Are those thoughts true?

 It is worthwhile to examine those thoughts which we hold to be true. Joe Dispenza says to mediate is to become familiar with.  Are we even familiar with the thoughts that percolate though our mind?   As a mother, how often have we said to our children, usually when trying to correct behavior; “Now you sit there, and think about it”. Think about what? Without giving them guidance on how to address an issue or solve a problem, or change their perceived correct response, how can they be expected to think any differently?   Is this not true for ourselves?

In the book, A Course in Miracles, it states in one of the 365  lessons  “All my thoughts are past thoughts”.   Unless we are willing to introduce or imagine a new way of thinking, we are destined to repeat the same thoughts. Fortunately, this book does teach ways of changing our thought patterns.

The mind, the body and the spirit are not separate.  They are intertwined by a constant, cascade of intelligent energy.   There has been much research on how the state of this synchronized and harmonious activity between the heart, brain, and other physiological systems affect the body.  When the heart and brain are in coherence, it can have profound effects on both physical and emotional well-being.  When the heart and the brain are in a state of coherence levels of stress hormones, such a cortisol decrease, and the levels of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine increase.  In other words, I feel good. I can think clearly. I am calm. My mind is creative. I can solve problems.  My relationship with myself and others improves.

This wholeness of heart, mind and spirit is wellness.  This energy informs our cells. It is the energy of life.  To heal is to make whole.  There is no separation of heart, mind or spirit.

Therefore, the thoughts do influence our heart.  And our heart influences our thoughts.

Something to think about.

Emotions Handling Life
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Death :  End or Beginning?

In the last week of January, Rose’s mother passed into glory, my father-in-law passed away, and Sue’s Dad went to be with the Lord.  And, a dear friend of ours passed suddenly and unexpectedly. A great understanding of death has occurred.  Our version of what death is, is attributed to our perception of what life is.  If you hold the belief of life after death, if you believe you are a spirit in a body, and that the spirit is connected to God eternally, death loses it sting.  Death is not the end. It is the spirit’s return from where it came.  It is the circle completed.  

If one does not have a belief beyond the life of the body, there is nothing else.  Death of a loved one can be such an empty, lonely, pit of despair.  I am witnessing how when one has no belief in the afterlife, in heaven, or in God, how painful the death of a beloved can be.

Faith soothes the hurt.  Yes, of course, we are sad that our loved ones have gone from the earth. Yes, we will miss them.  The comfort of knowing that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, is exactly that, comfort.  This is what I hold onto in times of grief. It strengthens me when I am weak.

Let’s be clear, I still experience all the emotions.  Anger certainly reared its head over the past few weeks.   The song lyrics,” Get your house in order for the coming of the Lord”, keep repeating in my head. Sadness, compassion and empathy have also visited. Joy too, as we remembered the fun that was shared over the years.

There is a responsibility that each of us has to the ones remaining on earth after our passing.

First, I believe it is important that the people you love, know you love them.  Speak IT.  Tell them.

While you are alive. Don’t wait. Why make someone wait for something so important to their mental and emotion wellbeing?  It benefits us all to know that we are loved and lovable.  Three simple words “I love you” while looking in their eyes, make a world of difference to the one receiving and increases the love in the one giving.

Speak clearly to your loved ones. Let them know how important they are to your life. Let them know you are proud of them.  Write a note if you cannot speak the words.  You show love through actions.  That means, follow through with your words.  My father-in-law would bring home made food to us often. That was his love language. He wanted us to sit , eat and have a drink with him, to enjoy life.

Do the work so your financial affairs are set up properly and accurately.  The frustration, stress, and time required to chase down essential forms, and sort through a mess of paperwork is an unnecessary burden for those left grieving.   Wills, Power of Attorney, both for Property and Personal Care are essential legal documents.  Make sure they are current and up to date. and the people who are appointed can perform all the duties the job of Estate Executor requires.

Have your bank accounts, investment accounts, and debts and assets in a file, easily accessible.  When I was a Life Insurance and Financial Advisor, CLU., I would give clients a thick binder with plastic insert pages which would hold their policies and important documents.  It made the transition process streamline for the family.  All vital documents in one place.

There are a great number of government forms to be completed upon death.  The funeral home director or consultant does help with Canadian Pension death benefit, and some other government forms. A lawyer will help to advise on the execution of the Will.  The executor does the work to find the assets, liabilities, properties, get assessments of valuables, and so on. 

A good life insurance agent will assist you in completing policy claims forms and following up with the carrier.   Remember to look for other death benefits, pension death benefits, some credit cards have life insurance portions on them. If death was a result of a car accident, car insurance claims forms need to be completed.   

The final income taxes must be filed.  The estate may be subject to probate which is another tax. It can take a year or more before an estate is probated and able to be dispersed.   

The stress of deadlines to submit claims, forms and taxes, penalties for late submission, and bank tellers who are uncooperative simply add more grief to a person who just wants to remember their Dad, Mom, or beloved. In all of this lots of emotion may surface; some may surprise you.

There are many and varied rituals around death.  These come from our beliefs, our culture, and the accepted practice in your community.  A funeral mass, prayer service, visitation at the funeral home, a wake, a Celebration of Life are for the family and friends as much as for the deceased. Some Indigenous tribes in Canada offer tobacco or other plant medicines to ease the transfer to the spirit world.  In the Hindu culture the spirit is reborn on earth.  Filipino and Chinese and Jamaican customs hold the 9th day ceremony when the spirit goes to into the spirit world. In Mexico death is so integrated with life, many festivals revolve around the ancestors who have gone before into the afterlife.  There are so many traditions and rituals I cannot name them all here.  The line that connects us is that the Spirit is acknowledged, honoured and celebrated.   Today many people are choosing their own method of acknowledging a life and grieving a loss of life.

My friend, Robin’s Celebration of Life was the most loving, joyful, kind, peaceful and inspiring event I have attended, ever.   Robin touched so many lives with his loving kindness, and spirit of joy, and humour.  Robin was a healer who lived to inspire us to be our best, most humble selves.  Friends and relations at his Celebration, sang songs written for him and his young daughter, they played guitars, read poems, shared stories, and yes, we danced, as Robin loved to dance.  We even had a laughing Budda yoga moment.  Yes, there were a few tears, tears are healing too. We hugged one another and felt the love that was very present in that room.  I believed we all left feeling connected to each other and inspired to do more good works with our time here on earth.   Thank you to Robin’s family for giving us this opportunity. It, like Robin, made an impact on our lives.

In the weeks and months that follow the death of a loved one, it is important to be aware of your own well being.  Forgive the mistakes, yours and theirs. Don’t harbour bitterness, it hurts you on a cellular level. It takes time to do this kind of healing. Grief wears many faces. Be conscious of what you are feeling. Acknowledge it.  This past week an immense fatigue has come upon my husband and I. Rose too is exhausted as she has been balancing her Mom’s illness, and her own responsibilities.  We have been dealing with hospitals, caring for the other family members, managing all the necessary pieces required to keep the physical, emotional and financial wheels on the cart for everyone.  This juggling has been going on for a long time.  We are tired.  We are not sure what the future will hold but I do believe through it all God holds us.

Vati, we love you and will miss you.  Mom, Rose knows you are with God, she is grateful for all you taught her.  Sue, you know how your Daddy shaped so many lives with his life’s mission, yours included. Robin we will remember you in the dance.

  Love heals all.   God is love and anyone who lives in love lives in God, and God lives in him.  1 John 16

Handling Life
Featured

Coping With Chaos: A Guide for Wounded Women

How many times in the past few years have you wished you could unplug from the chaos surrounding you?

I remember thinking that I just wanted to get off the merry-go-round. I could not get a grip, a hold on anything. And I doubted everything.

When my wasband was having an affair, I knew it deep in my soul. Even though I knew it, I could not prove it. With no proof, I convinced myself that I was imagining it. But there was that niggling deep down that something was very wrong.

The thoughts that spun around in my mind were chaotic. I suffered. I suffered because I did not know what to believe, including myself. The questions assaulted me day and night. The how’s, the who’s, the what’s, the why’s. Even the question of “What did I do to cause this?”

The chaos leaked over from my mind into my life. At one point I felt completely immobilized. Then, the proof began to rise to the surface. I felt vindicated by the proof, but it did not quiet the chaos. A whole new onslaught of “stinking thinking” took over. I wanted off the merry-go-round and I wanted off NOW!

Chaos refers to a state of disorder, confusion, or unpredictability. It manifests in various forms, disrupting your sense of order and the stability that we look for.

For wounded women, emotional chaos is a prevalent aspect of our lives. This impact of trauma leads to a wide range of intense feelings such as fear, anxiety, anger, and deep sadness. These emotions can surface unexpectedly, contributing to our sense of internal turmoil.

Chaos can be triggered by unexpected events or reminders of past trauma. The unpredictable nature of these triggers adds an element of instability, making it challenging for you to predict and manage your emotional responses.

Chaos extends to all our relationships, with trust issues, difficulties in forming connections, and challenges in keeping healthy boundaries. The aftermath of trauma can affect the way wounded women engage with others, leading to interpersonal struggles and a sense of uncertainty in our social circles.

Wounded women grapple with the unknown, fearing what might come next. We have spent a lot of time trying to control the daily events of our lives, always predicting the worst-case scenario and planning what we would do when the bomb exploded. This uncertainty can further contribute to a sense of chaos in our lives, even when we are removed from the cause of our trauma. Do you feel unable to anticipate or control the challenges ahead?

Trauma shakes the foundations of our identity, leading to a profound loss of self. As wounded women we experience the sense of disconnection from who we once were, contributing to a state of existential chaos as we question our purpose, our values, and our place in the world.

Chaos is often cyclical, with one challenge leading to another. We may find ourselves caught in a loop of difficulties, each compounding the other. Breaking this cycle becomes crucial for restoring a sense of order and control.

Understanding the multifaceted nature of chaos is a crucial step in addressing and navigating the impact on our lives. By acknowledging and dissecting the different dimensions of chaos, we can begin to develop strategies for coping, healing, and reclaiming a sense of stability and purpose.

Within the chaos, there is the potential for healing and growth. The journey towards recovery involves navigating the complexities of trauma, facing challenges, and transforming pain into resilience. This dual nature highlights the absurd coexistence of chaos and potential renewal.

Acknowledging and harnessing this potential can empower you on your journey toward recovery. Let’s explore the ways which healing and growth can emerge amid chaos.

Imagine if you could build resilience as the cornerstone of your healing.

Chaos often unveils the natural resilience and strength within individuals. In navigating the complexities of our experiences, we discover an inner determination that allows us to face adversity head-on. This resilience becomes a cornerstone for our healing.

Each challenge inside the chaos offers us an opportunity to learn and grow. As we face difficulties we get new insights, skills, and perspectives. These lessons contribute to our personal development and resilience.

Think of a time when you said no when you usually would have said yes or maybe would have said nothing at all. These times showed you that the world did not fall apart when you took control of your thoughts, values and notions and stood up for yourself. This recognition shows you that you are strong.

How many times did you keep getting up and keep going, after hardship and misfortune? This shows that you are resilient.

The chaos following trauma prompts a deep exploration of our identity. Through introspection and self-discovery, we have the opportunity to redefine who we are. We get to shed old stories and embrace a more authentic sense of who we are. This process is fundamental to the healing journey.

The chaos of trauma often prompts existential questions. When we seek meaning and purpose, we embark on a journey of profound self-reflection. This quest for significance contributes to a sense of direction and clarity, fostering a deeper understanding of our life’s purpose.

Overcoming chaos nurtures a sense of empowerment. As we navigate and conquer challenges, we gain a newfound belief in our ability to overcome adversity. This empowerment becomes a catalyst for further growth.

Nothing causes the development of coping mechanisms more than chaos. In our quest for stability, we often discover healthy coping strategies. Strategies such as a mindfulness practice, creative outlets, or therapeutic interventions. These tools become essential for managing the impact of chaos.

Chaos tends to pull us into the hullabaloo of past traumas or anxieties about an uncertain future. Through mindfulness practices, wounded women can cultivate an awareness of the present moment. The benefit of mindfulness is the reduction of overwhelming emotions and the fostering of a sense of calm amid the chaos.

Healing is often helped through connections with others who understand and empathize. As wounded women we can find solace in support networks— with fellow survivors, friends, and family. Building and nurturing these connections becomes a source of emotional sustenance and shared strength.

Seeking professional help, with a focus on your outcome rather than a reminder of your past, can be a transformative step toward healing. Therapists provide guidance, tools, and a safe space for processing trauma, fostering growth, and facilitating the integration of coping mechanisms.

Chaos often involves significant change. Embracing change as a catalyst for personal transformation allows women to reshape their stories. This adaptability becomes a powerful force for positive change.

The potential for healing and growth during chaos lies in the resilience, self-discovery, empowerment, and connections that emerge through the journey of overcoming trauma. By recognizing and nurturing these aspects, wounded women can navigate the complexities of their experiences and move towards a future marked by strength, purpose, and renewed well-being. We believe that when a woman heals, the world is healed, one woman at a time.

Handling Life
Featured

Easy Ain’t Easy

I discovered a truth recently. Life is not easy. In fact, often the easy path, the less disciplined way brings us more pain in the long run.  What appears easy can hurt more than the actions which are difficult at first.   I have felt this firsthand as I let lapse the fitness program to which I had committed to over a decade.  My flexibility, strength and balance started to be noticeably impaired. My sleep pattern was getting wonky.  My biceps that I had been know for at the gym, started to wither, and wag. I started to believe that perhaps this was what being in the next decade of life brought.  I was certainly starting to buy into that thought. SO, that needed changing fast.  What was I doing differently now from what I had done when I felt fit, and fabulous? What habit had I adapted, and what habit had I abandoned?

True disclosure, since 2020 when the shutdown down occurred, and re-occurred and yes occurred once more just for security reasons, I shut down.  I shut down my social life.  I shut down my physical activity at the gym.  I did run occasionally outside.  I shut down our travel life which was a vital part of my husband’s and my joy of life.   I lost dear friends as they passed, from the planet. Some without any ceremony or celebration to mark their lives. My business was forced to shut down by government regulations, with the added fear of penalty if we were to continue serving our clients in person. Thank God, that Purebioenergy Healing Therapy can be done by distance, allowing me to be of service to people, as it was so desperately needed.  Many people benefitted from that service, me included. 

A new habit of sitting on the couch and watching Trevor Noah and Samantha Bee was created.  A habit which has served its purpose and must now be stopped. Heck, even Trevor Noah has moved on to new things.  You would think that it would be easy.  Just get moving.  I know I need to do this.  I am willing to be willing to change.  Just overcome the inertia.   Choose it and do it.   I had to choose the harder path, the disciplined path.

Here are three examples of how choosing the tougher path, which often is the path less travelled is better for us.  It takes mental discipline.  That old blues song “Easy ain’t easy” is true.  

Physical activity is essential to our strength, mood, and our flexibility in thought and action.

Upon starting or restarting an exercise program, the movements appear difficult. The first set always hurts the most, the second set the muscles are warming up. By the third set, the mind has stopped resisting the change and accepts that it can do the motion.  The muscles fire and the blood courses though the veins, speeding up our breathing, our sweating, and possibly our swearing.  Yet in that moment, I feel good. I did it!  I now know I can. Thus, I not only increase the muscle fiber, as important if not more so, is that I have created the brain belief that I can do this. I wanted to quit at 6 reps but with encouragement from my trainer I did the full 10.  When we have someone to encourage us as we struggle with the difficult bits, we can overcome our desire to quit.  

The next part is the repeat.  Marcus Aurelius tells us, the mind is honed like steel through repetition and practice.  One push up a month will not create a strong physic.  But 10 a week, then 100 a week, then 10 push ups a day for a year will change our physical and our mental outlook.  A strong body does create a strong mind.  Why do people age into frailty? Is it because they stop doing the activity to the degree of discipline they had as a young person?  Is it because they are told they are old? If we didn’t know what age we were, how would we act? In Bali where they have the highest number of elderly fit people in the world, people work, live and are active members of society until they die.  There is a dance teacher who is 83 years old. She says the smiles of the younger students fill her with joy, and she likes dancing for and with them.  Asked if she will retire, she replies Why?  She has danced almost every day of her life since she was 4.  This is a common practice in Bali. Do the difficult thing until it becomes easy to do, then keep doing it. Celebrate and do it again.

Repetition. Any new skills, be it computer skills, learning a new language, a music or art hobby requires repetition and practice.  If you want to change how you think, and how you act, there must be an element of repetition.

When you are making a change to improve your life, you must act. My mentor often says to me, stop thinking, just do.  We can get stuck in the thinking. We can become like stagnant pond water. Thinking the same thoughts over and over, reaffirms those thoughts even when the thoughts are detrimental to our wellbeing.

Action creates the opportunity to bring in oxygen. Oxygen brings life to the pond, and life to us.  Sitting on the couch for extended periods of time harms us, physically, mentally, and socially.  I would add spiritually as well because we are designed to be with other humans.  I can attest to the damage it created, as even my confidence had eroded.

The first action can and probably will be difficult.  Do it despite the difficulty.  Choose to be courageous. A stagnant mind wants to remain stagnant. The belief is that staying the same is easier.  Easier, but at what cost?  The long-term pain offsets the short-term gain. This is truth in so many aspects of our life.

A delayed tax filing creates financial pain in terms of fees, penalties, and interest charges.

A delayed commitment to eating healthy, pure natural food harms the body. The intestines, the metabolic rate, our mental outlook, emotional wellbeing are all connected. “Let your food be your medicine and your medicine be your food.”  This Hippocrates statement can be applied to many levels of well being.

When we eat fast, as opposed to eating fresh, we are losing the opportunity to heal, nourish, and replenish our cells, resulting in the long-term increase of the waistline and the glymphatic waste line, and an increase in blood pressure.  The wallet can suffer too.  Planning and executing a meal program is a discipline that rewards us in so many ways. Your creativity, sense of accomplishment, energy level and enthusiasm are some of the rewards from that one decision.

It takes a brave man to admit he was wrong. The longer it takes to admit our responsibility in relational disputes, to apologize, and to find a peaceful co-existence, the deeper the damage to both self, and the other.  It is the tougher path to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness.  Yet, in doing so, we free ourselves, and the other person, and all the other collateral relationships. Holding on to hurt, and not forgiving also damages us on a cellular level.

Building friendships is a commitment of time, attention and communication. An active social life with meaningful social connections is promoted as one of the secrets to aging well.  Having a group of people who get you, and with whom you can be your authentic self builds your confidence.  Your attention to your friends’ needs, conversations, and shared experiences builds their self-worth. Love your neighbour as yourself and you both win. This too is a disciplined behavior.  It takes effort.  It is easier to turn on the TV and zone out, especially in the winter.  Invite your friends over, have a healthy meal and hearty laugh.

An unexamined life is not worth living, but a good life, is to be chiefly valued. This quote by Socrates behooves us to pause, reflect and correct the habits, thoughts, and actions that would lead to pain for others and ourselves.

As I soak in some Epsom salts to relieve the DOMS, Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness, I am grateful to Heidi for the workouts which will re-establish my muscle mass.

I am grateful to Rose for pushing me to not procrastinate on publishing this article. I am grateful for my husband who is making me a healthy meal, and doing the dishes so that we wake up to a clean kitchen each morning.

I will write my journal. I will remember the poem: “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg says, “Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.”   

Take that step, especially if it is hard, and repeat it. One foot in front of the other.  Your path awaits. 

One of my favorite poems is by Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

The took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though, as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way.
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh,
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in wood, and I –
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Personal Practices
Featured

Eyes on Healing: How Concentrated Focus Ignites the Path to Recovery

I have been having recurring thoughts on the subject of focus. It keeps coming up, multiple times a day. At first, I didn’t pay much attention, however, it kept coming up. I started paying attention. As a result, I have been doing some research on the subject of focus and the role it plays in the healing process. Each year I choose one word, one aspect of my own healing process to focus on. Because of the recurring thoughts and my research, this year my word is FOCUS.

I left my first marriage after years of physical, mental, and emotional abuse. Those first few years were very difficult. I spent a lot of time focusing on the injustices, the abuse against me, my fears, and the pain of my emotions. Every time I focused on the abuse and the battles, I suffered. I spent a lot of years suffering. I spent a lot of years confused and lost. I was one of the walking wounded.

It wasn’t until I began to focus on myself, discovering my strengths, desires and dreams that I stopped suffering. I began to live, all because my focus had changed.

Tony Robbins and other thought leaders often quote, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” We can all find the bad things in life; however, we can also find the good. We get to choose what we focus on. Do you want to focus on all that happened to you or do you want to focus on learning to thrive in spite of the trauma you’ve experienced?  We all have the ability to live a happy life. Focusing on what is good about you is a valuable place to start.

Elliott Connie, author of “The Solution Focused Brief Therapy Diamond” says that when a client focuses on the problem, the trauma, or the reason they reached out to him, they continue to suffer. There is no value in continuing to suffer. There is value in focusing on your best outcome, not a goal, but the outcome. What difference will your outcome make to your life?

Trauma often disrupts a person’s mental and emotional well-being, leading to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and a scattered mind. Focus, in the context of trauma healing is the intentional and concentrated attention directed towards the process of recovery. Focus involves mindfulness, defining your ideal outcomes, and the active reduction of distractions to create a conducive environment for healing.

Focus involves recognizing and nurturing the connection between the mind and body. Focus is about acknowledging the physical and emotional aspects of trauma and directing attention to activities or practices that promote holistic healing.

Distractions often hinder the healing process. We can become experts on personal distraction. Focusing on trauma healing means actively working to reduce and manage external and internal distractions. Any distraction can derail progress. A new relationship can derail your healing in a very big way. Focus also means maintaining a sense of presence and awareness even when facing challenges or triggers. It’s the ability to navigate difficult moments with a clear and intentional mindset.

Setting clear intentions is a key component of focus in trauma healing. This involves visualizing the desired outcome of the healing process and actively working towards that vision.

There is a definite mind-body connection connected to trauma. Focused attention on the mind-body connection is crucial to the healing process. Mindfulness practices are linked to reduced stress levels. When you concentrate on the present moment, it helps alleviate the physical and psychological impacts of stress, promoting a sense of calm. Focused attention fosters a strong mind-body connection. This connection empowers you to actively take part in your healing process, recognizing the interplay between emotional experiences and physical sensations.

Focused attention allows you to see and understand your emotions without judgment. Self-awareness is a key part of emotional regulation. Self-awareness enables you to respond to your feelings in a more controlled and constructive manner. You gain control over your emotions once again. What felt out of control is now manageable. Awareness is the key.

Focused attention encourages self-compassion by allowing you to approach your thoughts and emotions with kindness and understanding. This shift in perspective contributes to a more positive and nurturing relationship with yourself. The regular practice of focused attention techniques contributes to the development of resilience. Resilience equips you with tools to navigate challenges, bounce back from adversity, and cultivate a positive outlook on your healing journey. With focused attention your emotional well-being improves.  Emotional well-being can positively affect your social interactions. You may find yourself better equipped to connect with others, express your needs, and build supportive relationships.

Trauma often disrupts sleep patterns. Focused attention, especially in relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation, contribute to improved sleep quality. Healing techniques such as Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy, that heal the body, mind and emotions are excellent therapies for better sleep patterns. Better sleep supports overall physical and emotional well-being. You can connect with Judy Johnston to book your Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy session.

Have you tried mindful breathing? Let us take one minute to engage in a mindful breathing exercise. When you do a mindful breathing exercise throughout your day you are focusing your attention on one thing. This calms your nervous system, any anxiety or angst, and teaches you how to focus on one thing and only one thing. I am providing a one-minute video with beautiful music to get you started.

WATCH AND LISTEN

Another mindfulness exercise you can do is a body scan meditation. In a body scan meditation, you pay attention to each part of your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head. Notice any sensations without judgment. This practice enhances body awareness and can help release tension. This is a 5-minute body scan meditation for you to try.

LAY DOWN AND LISTEN

If you like to walk, try mindful walking. Pay attention to the sensation of each step, the movement of your body, and the surrounding environment. Walking mindfully can help anchor you in the present moment. One of my loves is to mindfully walk through the bush, taking in the smells, the sights, the sounds, the feeling of the earth beneath my feet and the fresh air. Bookmark this meditation or download it to your phone, put on a pair of headphones and your comfortable walking shoes and head outside for a walk.

WALK AND LISTEN

Incorporate mindful movement practices into your routine. Activities like yoga, Tai Chi, or Qigong combine physical movement with breath awareness, promoting relaxation and flexibility.

YOGA FOR ANXIETY AND STRESS

TAI CHI

QIGONG

Cultivate a daily gratitude practice. Take a few moments each day to reflect on things you are grateful for. This practice shifts your focus towards the positive aspects of life, fostering a sense of appreciation. Journaling gratitude with a mindful approach involves seeing your day, your thoughts, and your emotions without judgment. Write down what you are grateful for. Take it a step further and write about your daily experiences, any aspirations you may have, and insights gained during the healing journey.

Be mindful and intentional about your use of technology. Take breaks from screens. Practice digital detoxification. Be mindful of the content you consume. Resist the urge to scroll mindlessly. At night, keep your phone in another room. If you use your phone as your alarm, set your phone on the other side of the room, out of reach or in the bathroom. Set the volume louder. You will hear it. You also have to get up to turn it off. Mindful technology use supports a healthier relationship with the digital world.

Remember that consistency is key when incorporating mindfulness practices into daily life. Start with small steps, gradually increasing the duration and variety of practices as they become integrated into your routine. The goal is to make mindfulness a natural part of your day, supplying ongoing support for your healing journey. These are just a few methods of mindfulness practices. Pick one to start. If you don’t like it move on to something else. This is your mindful practice. Make it as unique and beautiful as you are.

Focused healing requires concentrating on specific outcomes related to your recovery. This could involve setting intentions, naming areas that need attention, and working towards achieving milestones in your healing journey. This could include visualizing the life you want to have. Write down your dreams and desires. Do not judge what you write down. Do not try to figure out how you will achieve your dreams and desires. This practice is to develop your sense of self and open your heart up to possibilities. Keep your dreams and desires to yourself – at least for now. You do not want others to poop on your ideas. This is your healing journey. No one has any input into this journey but you. Judy and I are here to give you ideas and options. You decide how you want your healing journey to evolve.

In the tapestry of trauma healing, focus emerges as the guiding thread, weaving through the intricate patterns of recovery. Like a steady compass, intentional attention directs you towards the core of their healing journey, illuminating the path with clarity and purpose.

In the realm of mindfulness, the power of focused awareness becomes a transformative force, untangling the knots of emotional turmoil and grounding the mind in the present moment. Through practices that nurture this focus—be it mindful breathing, body scan meditations, or the intentional cultivation of gratitude—you not only control your healing but you also forge a profound connection between the realms of the physical and the emotional. With each deliberate breath, every step taken mindfully, and the conscious choice to navigate distractions, the importance of focus manifests as a catalyst for resilience and self-discovery. It is in this focused embrace of the present that the healing journey transcends mere recovery, evolving into a profound awakening where you confidently rediscover your essence and reclaim ownership of your narrative.

Handling Life
Featured

The Perfect Gift

This is traditionally the season of giving. In the world in which we live, there can be an external pressure to perceive that giving must have a financial cost to it. The idea of the bigger the better is really promoted at this time of year.

I remember when I was in the financial planning industry, sitting with clients who had repeatedly accumulated debt every holiday season. In an attempt to provide the perfect holiday, and the perfect gifts they exceeded their means.  The cost of the debt, which compounded with interest, increased exponentially causing a huge amount of stress on the families. The interest on credit cards, or even lines of credit add up quickly to a great deal of money. An expenditure which brings us no value. Parents worked extra hours, took on secondary incomes, which increased their stress levels, resulting in time away from their families, and feeling exhausted and grouchy when they were with their family. No time left for friends or enjoying the moment. Stress takes a physical toll on our bodies, minds, emotions, and energy.

Ironically, kids don’t really remember that trending toy – that eventually and inevitably gets relegated to the back of the closet.  I recently had a conversation with our 25-year-old son, and what he remembered was the year we had a sleigh ride with real horses and our friend Gail’s, German shepherd dog named Bear who kept our feet warm by sitting on us. That was a great day.

The best gift you can give is the gift of you. Your time, your talent, your attention, your love, your presence. To be fully present, put your phone down and lift your face up. We connect with each other though sight, sound, and touch. And smell, the limbic part of the brain is directly connected to the olfactory glands of the nose. The limbic system is a group of structures in the brain that governs emotions, motivation, olfaction, and behavior. It is also involved in the formation of long-term memory.

This is why certain scents can trigger memories. What scent do you affiliate with the holidays?

Here are some ideas on how you can create a holiday memory that will give significant receiver appreciation, without sending your bank account into receivership.

Think Outside the Box

We often overlook the gifts we have to offer. What skill do you possess that can benefit another person?

Giving a few lessons in what you love to do can impact another person in such a significant way. Can you play the guitar? The piano or drums? What about showing your teenager how to prepare a meal from scratch? One on one time with them and no other siblings. Play music, theirs, and yours while you are cooking up some jambalaya in the kitchen.

Baking, music making, craft time, woodworking, soap making, crocheting, sewing, knitting, stained glass, coin collecting, painting both for art and a room. The list is endless. These are all activities that you can do together, where the beneficiary of the activity reaps dividends. They get time with you, building relationships, learn a new skill which they can continue to use or even teach to someone else.

Take a course together. Find a workshop that interests you both.

Exercise with your loved one. The month my daughter and I did a remote yoga class together was fantastic.

Do a charitable activity together. Gift wrapping at the mall, food delivery, so many charities need help.

As the interest in whole foods increases, showing a loved one the art of gardening brings edible rewards from May to November. The thrill of tasting that first crunchy sweet carrot planted from seed, watered, tilled, then harvested, and washed under the hose is amazing.

Many grandparents are choosing to take the grandchildren on an outing or an experience instead of a under the tree type gift. Rose taught her grandchildren to ski. One at a time.

She also took the 4 of them to an indoor water park. Giving a child-free weekend to her kids, while having a fabulous fun whale of a time with the little ones.

This idea of gifting time and talent can flow up hill as well. Most kids today are experts on their computers and their phones. Those skills are now needed by the grandparents as almost everything is done on-line now. An hour or two of computer lessons will add more value to grannie’s life than another cardigan.

Time outside is essential too. Walk in nature, go see the Lights, play in the snow, or on the beach depending on where you live. Play outdoor games with each other. My neighbour organized a circuit training course for her two boys so they can exercise together, while apart. Physical activity burns off tension and anxiety. It creates laughter so moods improve, and everyone gets along better when they are in the groove.

Learn to give a great massage. Hand massages are so appreciated by people who spend hours on the keyboard. Foot/ reflexology massages relax the whole body, improve sleep, reduce stress and most people love them. Couple it with a custom aromatherapy blend and the experience is sheer bliss. FYI, I can teach you this.

If you know a tradesman and your mom needs a new kitchen cabinet, can you trade skills such as an hour or two organizing for some cabinet making? Think creatively.

Granted some of these ideas may be a bit late for this season. But an idea shared is never lost. It increases in the sharing.

Let’s look at Value. Time with a loved one is the most valuable thing. Period. Often, we don’t recognize this until our loved one is gone. I wish I could bake one more pie with my Mom or learn to be a better photographer or listen to my Dad play the harmonica. Time goes by quickly. We do not know how much time we get. Use your time wisely.

The pride of accomplishment, the life skill learned, the time together, the laughter, the love and that joy, unending joy is in the gift. Give the gift of you. It is the perfect gift.

Handling Life
Featured

Commitment Conundrum

What does commitment mean to you?  Is it a contract or a promise of intention?

Is it a rigid obligation of mind over matter? Can we think ourselves into being committed to an action? 

As I write this, I am struggling with commitment.  There are things I know I need to do to achieve the goals and objectives that I have set for myself.  I know structure and time management are important elements for achieving worldly objectives.  Lately though, I am just so damn tired.  The simplest things loom like giant unattainable, unscalable rock cliffs.  I don’t have the energy to pull myself out of the pit.  Fuuuddgge, as Ralphy from A Christmas Story would say. The lack of sunlight does take a toll on me, and thousands of others.  Women are 9X more at risk than men for Seasonal Affective Disorder. Fifteen percent of Canadians report a least a mild case of SAD within their lifetime. Two to 3 percent report a serious case within their lifetime, according to Alive Magazine Dec 2023.

When I was young, I was labelled as hyper-active.  Man, what I wouldn’t do to get some of that active back.  People who have experienced acute, and chronic stress often can have physical, emotional and mental ailments which may present as: Muscle pain, insomnia, fatigue, irritability, indecisiveness, apathy, loss of joy in activities that they used to enjoy. Sighing, not feeling energetic enough to exercise, or socialize.  Just Meh. When cortisol levels become too high in the body inflammation, increased pain, blood pressure increases and other stress related health conditions can result.

So what does this have to do with commitment?

When one is in a state of overwhelm, it is hard to commit to anything.  That feeling of overwhelm is part of a stress response. Today I want to encourage you to make a commitment to yourself.

I will do it as well.  Often we know what to do, it is the doing it that is the hard part.  First, let’s stop beating ourselves up .

Today is a new day.  Thank God that we get a new day, a new start, a new season. While we are still breathing, let’s find a reason to be joyful for a season.

Before one can commit to something, we must have a belief that the result will be worth the effort.  Faith comes first.   The thought precedes the action.  “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right.” 1   The choice is ours.

Dr. J. Patterson tells a story of creating structure to help to overcome chaos of mind by organizing our environment. “Clean your room” was a catch phrase of his. He does inform us however, that for some people in a high state of overwhelm, they can’t clean their room.  It is too much to ask of them.  It would feel like asking a toddler to run a marathon.   Start smaller.  Open a drawer that you would like to organize, and think about how you would organize it.  You don’t even need to organize it that day.  Just create the mental space for the feeling of calm that being organized creates.

Be Kind to yourself.  Be compassionate with yourself.  Commit to one thing.

Just do one simple thing.  It can be something to aid your physical wellbeing.  Make a protein shake, or a green smoothie. 

Walk outside in nature. Live in a city? Where is your nearest park?   Ask a friend to come with you.  Movement works on many levels. It causes us to breathe deeper thus increasing the oxygen level in our blood, and sends serotonin to our brain.  When we use our muscles, our mood improves, our blood glucose levels balance, and our cardiovascular gets a nice boost of nitric oxide which not only has analgesic effect but also reduces blood pressure.  Movement is essential to balance hormones. Our lymphatic system which brings in nutrients and takes away waste and toxins needs movement to work.  It has no pump.  You got to move it, move it.   Dance is movement.  Skipping, running up and down the stairs, playing with the dog or kids.  Join a sports team, as a novice or a pro.  Ski, swim, skate .  Start with simple daily activity.  Balance on one leg, while you balance your budget.   Do squats while your brush your teeth. Do calve raises as you wash the dishes.  Hot/Cold therapy is also great for the lymph system.  Finish your shower with a cold rinse, starting from your toes, go up the whole body to your head. Your skin will glow, and your age won’t show.

Vitamin D is crucial to our well-being.  Most people in the northern hemisphere are deficient in Vit D.  It is required for bone health, immune system support,  mood regulation, muscle function, heart health , weight management, cell growth and differentiation, inflammation regulation and hormone regulation.  Yup, it is a biggie. The sunshine vitamin lights up our life.   Add your C’s, B’s and  A’s, and some zinc to help you think.   Eat with colour, savour the flavour of health.

Isolation contributes to depression, and anxiety and feeling listless.  Why are we punishing ourselves?  We are designed to be in community.  We are not meant to be alone. A burden shared is a burden halved. I really struggle with this. I forget to ask for help. To call my friends, and say hey, I was just thinking about you.  How are you?  When we are alone for long periods of time, we also may ruminate on that which we don’t like or don’t want. When we are with other people, don’t we ultimately end up laughing?

Comparison is another habit which is detrimental to our mental health. Scrolling through social media has an addictive quality to it.   It also takes time away from activities which may be more beneficial to us. You are blessed with gifts, talents, and a divine personality that is your own.   Let’s train our brain to be fully present and mindful with the people around us.  We can use mindfulness with our tasks and chores.  I have found music helps me lift my mood when I just got to get ‘er done.   Especially when I don’t really want to do, what needs doing. 

Reward yourself along the way.   What matters to you? What do you love?  Who do you love? Reward yourself with time with that person. Or time with your favorite book.  Or a bath with essential oils and Epsom salts. Funny how, a bath is now considered a reward.  Or time to do nothing.  Day dream.  Just be.

Give yourself the gift of Purebioenergy Healing Therapy.  Allow yourself to commit to your healing and your vibrant well-being.  The benefits of Purebioenergy Healing Therapy are exponential.  When our stresses decrease, our relationship with ourselves and with others improves.

Let’s choose to commit to a better me.   In so doing, we will create a Better We.

Healing Practices
Featured

“From Shadows to Strength: A Guide to Self-Focus and Healing After Trauma”

Many women who have experienced trauma find it tough to focus on themselves. Trauma can often lead to a heightened sense of hyper-vigilance, where you are constantly accustomed to scanning for potential threats. This makes it difficult to turn your attention inward and prioritize self-care.

In the aftermath of trauma, you also struggle with feelings of guilt or shame, which further impede your ability to focus on yourself. The journey to healing often involves breaking down these barriers and nurturing a sense of self-worth and self-compassion.

Given how much of your energy was consumed serving the needs of others and protecting yourself and your loved ones, do you find the act of self-focus is a selfish effort?

Allow me to put this into perspective.  Self-focus is not selfish. Self-focus is a crucial aspect of healing. Acknowledging and meeting your own needs is essential for recovery. Self-focus is not only a right but a responsibility, especially in the context of trauma recovery.

I had a difficult time allowing myself to focus on anything other than my children after I was able to exit the difficult life in my first marriage. I shifted focus from walking on eggshells with my alcoholic husband to overprotecting my children and making sure they were functioning and had everything they needed. There was no time or room to focus on me. I was too exhausted emotionally, and physically. There came a day of reckoning. I was alone for the first time since leaving the marriage. I had no idea what to do with the time I had. My mind went crazy. I had crazy thoughts. I felt like a caged animal. I had thoughts that I could not make it on my own. I had thoughts that I should go back. I became scared and restless.

So, I did what any crazy woman would do and I sat down. I breathed deeply and considered the thoughts going through my head. Why would I go back into a situation where my life was threatened? What was there that was so important that I did not feel I could make it on my own? As my mother would say, “I had a good talk with myself.” I realized that if I was going to be a good mom, I needed to provide for my children. I could not do that if I went back to the situation where we were not safe.  I could not do that if I didn’t discover who I was. I needed a job with a steady income. I made a plan that day. Within a week I had a job. Shortly after that I started seeing a counsellor. I began a journey of self-discovery.

Through the years I still struggle at times with self-focus. Self-focus appears to be more selfish than self-discovery to me. I continue to learn and allow myself to focus on myself. When I take time for myself, I do the things I want to do. If that is nothing, then I do nothing. Nothing also serves a purpose. It allows for rest. I have not always made good choices but I have learned a lot of lessons. There have been setbacks. There have been times when I abandoned my journey. There have been times when I became obsessed with my journey. I have realized over the years that I have nothing to give anyone if I don’t know who I am and what I like and do not like. This knowing is a result of self-focus. The journey continues to this day.

It is absolutely necessary that you consider making self-focus a priority in your life. If there is one thing that can assist you in coming to the place where your trauma does not rule your life, self-focus is the key.  This is a really strong statement. But I believe it with all of my heart.

If making this decision seems too scary or you find yourself wanting to run for the door please stop. Stop and consider one way you can put the focus back on you. Was there a time in your life where you were confident and happy? Think about how you felt then. Would you like to feel that way again? There is a way to get to a good place in your life, a place where you like yourself again, even love yourself again.

Let us dig into a few ways you can begin your journey into self-focus. I am going to give you options in the following list. You do not have to take on all of the opportunities. Choose one. Only one. Try it out for 14 days. If you find yourself not following through with a 14-day discovery, it is possible the one you chose does not resonate with you. Choose another one.

Keep choosing until you find something you can stick with for 14 days. Sticking to something means you are not making excuses for not doing it. Do not justify or lie to yourself for not doing it. Be honest. I cannot stress the importance of consistency enough, as you focus on yourself. Commit to 14 days. You are worth it.

None of these options takes a long time to execute. Some are 10 minutes or less. Some are more of an awareness.

Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques

a. Practice deep breathing exercises to promote relaxation and grounding. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbDoBzGY3vo This is a 5-minute mindful breathing exercise.

b. Mindfulness meditation helps you stay present in the moment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssss7V1_eyA This a 5-minute mindful meditation practice.

Self-Compassion Practices

a. Write yourself a kind and understanding letter. Acknowledge your struggles, then write down what you have learned about yourself through the struggle. How strong are you? Have you been able to ask for help? Extend understanding and love yourself in this letter.

b. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding as you would a close friend. You are deserving of this kindness and understanding.

Setting and Communicating Boundaries

a. Recognize that setting boundaries in relationships is healthy. Consider the book, Boundaries Where You End and I Begin: How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries

b. Think about and decided what boundaries you need so you can indulge in self-focus.

c. Practice giving clear communication when expressing your needs and boundaries.

d. Practice saying NO. No is a full sentence. You do not have to justify your NO to anyone – at any time – for any reason.

Journal for Self-Reflection Write about positive experiences, personal strengths, and moments of self-discovery.

Engage in Creative Outlets Creative expressions like art, writing, or music are a means of self-discovery and emotional release. While engaging in these activities you are able to transcend your hurts and worries and immerse yourself in beauty.

Establish a Self-Care Routine

a. Consider warm baths or showers to relax your body.

b. Use aromatherapy or scented candles to create a calming atmosphere.

c. Consider a digital detox. Schedule a period of time with no technology to reduce information overload.

d. Limit your social media. Consider checking social media only at specific times of day.

e. Exercise – even if it is just a walk at lunch time.

f. Get outside. Raise your face to the sun. No sun? Raise your face to the sky. Breathe.

g. Spend some time in nature.

Gratitude Incorporate gratitude exercises into your life to shift your focus from the negative to the positive aspects of your life. My favorite exercise is a gratitude journal. A couple of minutes in the morning or before bed and my mind begins to focus on the positive things in life. Regularly acknowledging and expressing gratitude can contribute to a more positive mindset.

One of the exercises my coach told me about and I found very helpful, was identifying negative thoughts. Pay attention to your thoughts, especially the thoughts that are self-critical, defeatist, or overly negative. Keep a thought journal to record and analyze your thoughts associated with specific situations.

View your thoughts as separate from yourself. Instead of saying “I am a failure,” say “I am having the thought that I am a failure.” This helps create a mental distance from the negative thought.

Evaluate the evidence supporting and contradicting your negative thoughts. Ask questions like “What evidence do I have for this thought?” and “Is there any evidence against it?”

Generate alternative, more balanced interpretations of situations. Consider different perspectives and ask, “Is there another way to interpret this situation?”

Objectively evaluate your thoughts based on facts or assumptions. Ask questions like “Is there any concrete evidence supporting this thought?”

Challenge catastrophic and exaggerated beliefs about the severity of potential outcomes. Take a realistic evaluation of the likelihood and consequences of feared events.

Set small, achievable goals to build a sense of accomplishment and challenge negative self-perceptions. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, to reinforce the positive events in your life. Every little thing you do can have a momentous effect on your future.

Self-focus is not selfish. Self-focus is a crucial aspect of healing. Acknowledging and meeting your own needs is essential for recovery. You can explore the idea of taking care of yourself. Not only is self-focus a right, it is also a responsibility, especially in the context of trauma recovery.

Personal Practices
Featured

HEARTS DESIRE

The amount of sunshine is decreasing here is the Northern Hemisphere. We are coming into a new season.  The season of winter can affect us in many external ways.  As I write this, I inhale some essential oil of peppermint to keep my focus, and some essential oil of orange to lift my mood and remind me of the joy within. 

The preparation and celebration of Christmas is a part of the winter experience.  I can remember my Mom putting the Christmas wish list up on the wall in our kitchen, in mid-month of November. It was above the cat corner, the area where the cats were fed. It was placed there as a reminder for us children to keep the cat’s dishes clean. Responsibility and reward, but that is a blog for another day.

We could put whatever we wanted on the Wish List.  There were 7 squares and one square had a star on it.  In that square you put what you most wanted or desired. There was not a guarantee that you would get the gift you most desired, but my Mom and Dad assured us, we could write whatever we wanted in that space. I remember excitedly flipping through the Sears catalogue, trying to decide what it is was that I really wanted.

I recall this story for you as we come to the close of the year because it is beneficial to pause, reflect and ask ourselves “What do I really, really want?” In the next few weeks, we will be bombarded with ads, flyers, commercials on Facebook, Instagram, TV, and your phone. It has already started – the attempt to entice us to buy the next big thing. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that the world of commerce depends on people buying stuff.  Yes, companies manufacture, and market many items supplying jobs for many people.

What I am contemplating here is the internal verses the external.  At a time when in many ways we can choose anything, what is it that we want? So often our lives and decisions are based upon what other’s want.  What must we do to please someone else? What is expected of me? If it pleases us to be of service to another, that is great and fulfilling.  If we are doing so out of obligation, societal expectation or with a martyr complex, this is not good for us. It creates a dissonance which affects us at a cellular level.

If you could have anything, what would it be?

You get to choose.  You can choose something that is different from what the culture is telling you is important.  You can choose what is right for you. It takes focus, intention, even meditation to find what it is we are seeking.   You may need to get away from the noise so you can truly ask yourself “What do I desire?” and wait to listen for the answer. The concept of “Ask and you will receive” is a universal truth.  The wisdom and love that exists in your heart, will bring you the answer you seek.

I have even discovered that when I ask for help, or counsel, or advice to make the right decision, it comes and often quite quickly.  The trick is to ask.  We also need to quiet our mind so we can hear the answer.

Let’s do a little mental exercise. 

Find a comfortable place to sit.   Sit on the floor with your legs crossed or in a chair/couch with your feet on the floor. Grab a blanket or cushion so as to be comfortable. Turn off your electronics.  Read this part first, then turn off your electronics.

  • Take a deep breath and exhale.
  • Inhale and exhale being conscious of your breath.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Allow your shoulders to drop down, relaxing your jaw, neck and face.
  • Feel the breath extend to your abdomen.
  • Think of a beautiful space, perhaps a garden or a seaside. 
  • Feel the peace of that environment.
  • Immerse yourself in the beauty of that space.
  • Inhale the scents, feel the breeze, touch the plants, trees, or water.
  • Feel relaxed and peaceful.
  • In a calm voice, ask yourself,  What do I desire?
  • Rest comfortably and wait.

You may get a picture in your mind.  You may get a feeling. You may get a word. It is unique to you and for you.

Breath calmly.

When you are ready, leave your imagined garden or beach.  As you come back to conscious surroundings, remember you can go back to the garden of your mind anytime.  Well, not while you are driving, but whenever you feel you want to experience that peace, calm, and the wisdom that is there.

This is one technique that Rose and I use to calm our minds so we can create our purpose driven work.  Purebioenergy Healing Therapy is used to calm the mind, release pain and tension and heal all levels to create wholeness.  I made the decision to be a Certified Purebioenergy Healing Therapist because what I really, really want is to serve people by helping others and myself heal.  As we heal our internal wounds, we open our hearts to live at our fullest potential.  Rose and I know that by educating, encouraging and elevating those who are struggling to overcome the effects experienced after a traumatic life event serves so many people.  It brings us joy to do so.  It is our heart’s desire.

Go and make your own wish list with many squares and stars on it.   In one of the squares, write your heart’s desire. This is the season to rejoice.

Emotions
Featured

YOU’VE GOT THE POWER

Believe it or not, you have power. For those of us who have experienced traumatic events we may believe we have no power, no choices, no say. I grew up in an era when women had very little power. Our roles were defined by the men in our lives, dads, bosses or husbands. I was told and shown that my thoughts did not matter. I was to do what my husband said, even if it meant it was dangerous, harmful, painful, or just plain wrong. When it did become dangerous and painful, I was told by other men to go back to my husband, the person who inflicted the pain and almost killed me. I honestly believed I had no power. I was smart enough, however, to not go back.

Some of us gave our power away because we believed life would be simpler if we did. Life would be less chaotic, less painful. In hindsight the opposite was true. When a woman gives away her power it leads to many circumstances that seriously damage her life.

At Wounded Women Rising, the identity crisis a woman experiences after trauma is eliminated as her body heals, her emotions calmed and her mind released so she confidently knows who she is and what she wants. This confidence is your personal POWER. Think of it as—your SUPERPOWER. Regaining a sense of power and control after trauma significantly boosts self-confidence. As you become more empowered, you are better equipped to make choices that align with your values and desires, ultimately increasing your self-esteem.

Personal power equips you with the ability to advocate for yourself. This is particularly important when it comes to seeking help, setting boundaries, and making decisions about your own healing journey. Trauma often leads to an identity crisis, where a woman loses a sense of who she is. Addressing power can help a woman rediscover her identity and develop a more authentic self, free from the constraints of the trauma. And isn’t that one of our definitive goals, to be free from the constraints of the trauma?

Dr. Gabor Maté offers insight on trauma. He says, “Trauma is not the bad things that happened to you; trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” Trauma is a deeply impactful experience that affects the lives of women on multiple levels, including emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Dr. Gabor Maté’s quotes emphasize the idea that trauma is not just about the external events but also the internal responses and effects it has on an individual’s well-being. Trauma leaves us with intense and overwhelming emotions. Flashbacks and intrusive memories often invade our lives. Some women feel disconnected from their bodies, thoughts and emotions, which is a protective response to the trauma.

The stress response of a traumatized woman can manifest itself as physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomach-aches, muscle tension, and even chronic pain. Prolonged release of the stress hormone cortisol has long term adverse effects on the human body. Mental health challenges arise from traumatic experiences such as anxiety and depression and even suicide or thoughts of suicide. The erosion of trust  of yourself, and others, can destruct a woman’s relationships. This can lead to isolation which further erodes mental health.

Dr. Gabor Maté’s work emphasizes the importance of compassion, self-awareness, and self-discovery in the healing journey. Women can find empowerment and a renewed sense of self through the healing stages as they work through the impacts of trauma and move toward greater well-being.

Self-awareness allows the individual woman to explore and understand what is happening inside her, helping her regain power over her thoughts, emotions, and responses to trauma. Self-awareness is a crucial tool on the path to healing and empowerment. Self-awareness put you in touch with your personal power.

Self-discovery takes courage. A woman must be willing to look at herself and see who she is – who she really is. Self-discovery means ceasing to allow others to define her. Self-discovery is a deeply personal and individual process. Delving into the journey of discovery a woman gains a deep understanding of her beliefs, values, strengths, weaknesses, desires, and identity. It involves introspection, reflection, and exploration of thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

At Wounded Women Rising we walk with you on the journey of self-awareness and self-discovery through community, retreats, blog post education, workshops, healing events, interactive talks, podcasts (coming soon) and online support groups (coming soon). We walk with you because we too have experienced and are on the healing journey from trauma. We know you can regain your power. You can take control of your life and love yourself. We have seen firsthand the remarkable recoveries of women who had the courage to look within to find their power and use power in their life, every day.

So far, we know what to do, but how do you do that? How do you develop self-awareness? First you must be willing to become aware of your responses to what is happening in you and through you. This means taking some time to think about past events and how you responded during the event and after the event.

For instance, my wasband believed that an evil spirit possessed me. He believed that if the evil spirit that had invaded me was eliminated, he could go back to a perfect life. He took it upon himself to exorcise that beast from me. This was no where near as elaborate as the depiction in The Exorcist. He grabbed me by the shoulders and started praying. I had no idea what was going on at first. In a very short amount of time, he was digging his fingers into my shoulders and shaking me. I got scared and then I got mad. I broke free from his grip using a move I learned during a self defense class. Lord only knows how I remembered that move at that time. I left the house within minutes shaking and in disbelief. I checked into a hotel and sat with this event during the next 24 hours. I became aware of the events and how I responded to them, but not just physically but more importantly emotionally. I cycled through emotions such as guilt (because I left and did not “work through the conflict”), and anger (there was a lot of anger).

I thought I was going crazy. How could this man who said he loved me believe I was possessed by an evil spirit? Could he possibly be right? My abused woman psyche was to take the blame on myself. Absurd, yes, but so predictable. As I sat with the emotions and the event, I realized I had no reason to feel guilty. I realized I had good reason to be angry. I realized that I could no longer trust my wasband to protect me, care for me or even care about me. This was one event in a series of many before I valued myself over the marriage. Sitting with the facts and the emotions and working my way through them I gained power. I gained personal power, and self-confidence. I did what was right for me in the best way I knew how.

There are many circumstances and events to think about. You do not have to rehash everything. There are events that were pivotal to you deciding that you are valuable. These are the ones you want to sit with. Become aware of the emotions. Allow them. Do not judge them. Allow them. They are yours and you felt them for a reason. There is message in there for you to discover. Discovering the message will give you power. Your heart knows. Your spirit knows. Your soul knows. It is time for your mind to know. Your power is in you, within you. Your power may be hidden but it is there. This is your period of discovery. This is the place where you gain a deep understanding of your beliefs, your values, your strengths, your weaknesses, your desires, and your identity.

You are able to wake up to the moment. The past cannot hurt you. The thoughts and the emotions you give the past can continue to hurt you, but not the event. The future does not need to be feared. The future can be whatever you want it to be.

Live in the moment. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings in this moment, in this day, at this time. What triggers your emotions? What is going on that makes you anxious? What is it that is scaring you? Become aware.

Do not push anything away. Do not stuff the emotions down. Do not get busy so you do not have to think about it. Respect yourself enough to take a few minutes.  Try to get some place alone so you can think. This process does not have to take hours. This process is usually minutes. Think. Answer the questions that rise up in your mind. Do not judge the questions or the answers. Your truth bubbles up in your awareness.

Once you develop awareness the process of acknowledging your emotions becomes easier and easier. Do not worry if you do not get answers right away. You have entered this information into your subconscious. Permit your subconscious to work it through. The answer on how to proceed or adjust or to let it go will be given to you. Learn to trust that you have the answers within you. You already possess the power to get the answers. Adopt the belief that you possess the power. Say it over and over and over again until it becomes part of your DNA. This IS your truth. You are confident. You are powerful. You are a beautiful woman ready to stand on her own and believe in her value and in her worth.

You have the power!

Handling Life
Featured

PERIL, PEARL, PURITY

Throughout our lives, we encounter perils.  There are dangers, risks, and potential hazards that exist around us constantly.  Most of the people in this group have experienced firsthand dangers, a life-threatening danger, a loss, not just the risk of loss but the actual loss of homes, jobs, friends, reputation, children, and financial stability.  There are also vehicle accidents which damage bodies, kill loved ones, and create permanent change to lives.   Having to leave your home because of domestic violence, or war, or natural disaster creates a serious and immediate danger.  Another peril is death of a loved one or divorce which can lead to years of depression, anxiety, and loss of self worth.  These perils have additional impacts on your well-being.  Hans Selye defines these types of stresses as physiological stress, psychological stress, and psycho-social stress.  To be on earth is to be exposed to dangers, problems, threats, menaces, and troubles.

When a peril occurs, the immediate threat must be addressed.  Get to safety, secure yourself and your loved ones.  Emergency personnel may assist with this.  An entire industry of insurance has been created over the centuries to try to compensate for the financial loss which may occur as the result of a peril.  But who is assisting with the psychological, psycho-social, and physiological affects of the peril?  There are many areas that need healing.  What happens after the acute aspect of the peril, is what goes on to shape one’s perception, belief pattern and life as a result of the incident.

Let’s start with changing our thoughts about the incident, peril, or trauma.  This is not to diminish the tragedy.  It is simply a way to look at it with a new lens so the pain can diminish and the wound can heal.   Let’s look at what nature can show us.

Creating Pearls

In nature, oysters, clams and mussels can all produce pearls.  Certain species of oysters called Pinctada, create the most pearls.  They are located deep in the ocean.  Let’s take a lesson from the oyster.  The formation of a pearl begins when a foreign substance slips into the oyster between the mantle and shell. This irritation causes the oyster to attempt to protect itself, producing nacre to cover the foreign substance.  Over time, these layers form a pearl. It can take from 6 months to 4 years to create a pearl.  The oyster has transformed the irritation, the hurt, into something beautiful.  

In our lives, the peril, loss, danger can loom large, even after the occurrence.  As we dwell on the loss, and hurt, the presence of it becomes larger.  Our intention of attention to the hurt, loss, and pain keeps it in the fore front of our mind.  We can bring it into conversation at every opportunity.   He did this, she did that.  This happened.  Yes, it did.  It was awful.  We survived it.  It can take up more space and has the potential to crowd out other elements of our being.  Whatever you focus on increases.  With intent, we too can create transformation of a big hurt, into a thing of beauty.  The pain, loss, shame, and hurt need not define us, just as the oyster uses nacre to cover the irritation, causing the rough, jagged edges of the foreign object to be smoothed over.  

We do have a choice. We can choose to allow the hurt to dissipate.  We can smooth off those rough edges of a painful memory.  This will take intention.  This takes the willingness to be willing to change.  The resolution is not necessarily in restitution.  See Rose’s article on Letting Go https://woundedwomenrising.ca/2023/09/let-it-go/.   Meditation is one way to create the space for allowing for something different; as well as time with God, in prayer, in nature, in acts of kindness.  Treat yourself with loving kindness.  Treat others the same. What do you require to feel secure?  

Imagine what you want your life to look like.  Fill in the details. Colour this picture of your life in the colours you choose.  You can draw an actual picture and put it up where you will see it. Choose a daily practice of some spiritual element. Read, pray, set intentions, focus on love.

Love becomes our nacre. Love creates peace, tranquility, stillness and purity.  Love is wholly transformational. Holy and wholly.

Peace is something we carry within us.  Peace is not shaken by external influences.  Peace is a practice.

The irritation (peril) will be transformed into a thing of beauty.   The purity of the pearl is what gives it value. The irritation is long forgotten and all that remains is the pearl’s translucent beauty shining into the world.   

A peril can be your opportunity to allow the love that exists within you, to transform your hurt into healing, your peril into pearls.

Emotions
Featured

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotional intelligence, often abbreviated as EQ (Emotional Quotient), refers to the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and effectively use your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It plays a crucial role in personal and interpersonal success, and it’s particularly relevant in the context of personal development. Emotional intelligence is vital for building strong relationships, communicating effectively, managing emotions, and making sound decisions. In the context of personal development, developing emotional intelligence can lead to greater self-awareness and self-regulation, helping you to make positive changes in your life.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) can have a profound impact on your relationships. It plays a pivotal role in how you interact, communicate, and build meaningful connections. Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool. Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed and improved upon over time through self-awareness, practice, and a genuine commitment to understanding and connecting with others on a deeper emotional level.

All the subjects we have been covering this past year are all part of emotional intelligence. Increasing your emotional intelligence is an ongoing process. It requires patience and self-compassion. Raising your EQ does not need to be an arduous task. Each time you choose to develop an aspect of your personality you are also increasing your EQ. As we actively heal from the traumas of our life our emotional intelligence will ultimately increase. You can choose to increase your EQ or you can choose to do nothing and stay exactly where you are.

I would like to share some practical steps to help you enhance your emotional intelligence:

Take time for introspection. Reflect on your emotions, their triggers, and how they influence your thoughts and actions. Write your reflections in a journal to track your emotions and experiences. Writing about your feelings can deepen your understanding of them. This practice also gets the “stinking thinking” out of your head circling around and around.

Ask for honest feedback from trusted friends, family, or colleagues about how they perceive your emotional expressions and responses. Seek guidance from someone with a high level of emotional intelligence. Their mentorship can be invaluable in your journey to increase your EQ. These three practices increase your self-awareness. Becoming aware of your emotions is vital to your recovery.

Develop effective stress management strategies, such as exercise, deep breathing, or time management, to keep your emotions in check during challenging situations. Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation, can help you become more aware of your emotional responses and learn to control them. Being prepared with strategies in advance assists you in weathering any storm that comes your way.

Pay close attention when others speak. Try to understand their feelings, concerns, and perspectives without immediately offering solutions or judgment. It is always better to listen to understand than to listen to respond.  I dislike it when I share my feelings with someone, and they respond without waiting for me to finish so they can share about their own life. That is an instant shut down for me. I know they do not care.

Work on your verbal and non-verbal communication skills. Be clear, concise, and empathetic in your interactions. Check your own body language. Body language often speaks louder than words. Are your arms crossed? Are you eyes wandering? What would it take to look into the eyes of the person talking? Are you giving them signs that you are listening?

When interacting with others, try to imagine what it’s like to be in their situation. This can help you connect on a deeper level. Strive to build and maintain positive relationships. Invest time in nurturing connections with friends, family, and colleagues.

Learn conflict resolution techniques to handle disagreements constructively. Techniques such as assertive communication, conflict analysis, taking breaks from discussions, and compromise, are all effective in deescalating conflict.

Identify healthy coping strategies for dealing with adversity, setbacks, or difficult emotions. This might include seeking support from others or engaging in self-care activities. Instead of dwelling on failures or setbacks, view them as opportunities for growth and learning.

Set meaningful, achievable goals that align with your values and passions. This can provide motivation and a sense of purpose. Check out our blog posts on values and passions. Recognize and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. This positive reinforcement can boost your motivation.

There are many books and resources available on emotional intelligence. Consider reading about the topic to gain new insights and strategies. Attend workshops or training programs on emotional intelligence if they are available in your area and online. These can provide practical exercises and guidance.

Remember that emotional intelligence is a skill that can be developed and improved over time through self-awareness, practice, and a genuine commitment to understanding and connecting with others on a deeper emotional level.

Neglecting your emotional intelligence can have far-reaching consequences in various aspects of your life, including your relationships, personal development, and professional aspirations. Recognizing the importance of emotional intelligence and actively working to improve upon it can lead to more positive outcomes in your trauma healing process and all areas of your life.

Personal Practices
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GRATITUDE

Here in Canada, we just finished celebrating Thanksgiving. There are many traditions that accompany Thanksgiving including turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, family gatherings, stretchy pants, and walks in the park. The changing colours of Fall always leave me in awe, even though I am never ready for the cooler weather. Thanksgiving is a time for reflection. We reflect on the blessings in our lives and the abundance of the harvest. This reflection is called “being grateful”. Why do we take one day a year to reflect on being grateful?

Gratefulness is a powerful and positive emotion that involves recognizing and appreciating the good things in your life. It’s about feeling thankful for the people, experiences, and blessings that you have, rather than focusing on what you lack or the challenges you face.

Gratitude can take many forms, from expressing thanks to someone who has helped you to simply acknowledging the beauty of a sunset or the taste of a delicious meal. Gratitude is a mindset, not just a polite gesture. Gratitude is a way of looking at the world that can have intense effects on your overall well-being.

Practicing gratitude has many benefits, including improved mental and emotional well-being, reduced stress, increased resilience, and stronger relationships. When you cultivate a sense of gratefulness, you shift your focus from what’s missing in your life to what you have. Implanting a gratefulness practice can lead to greater happiness and contentment.

Gratefulness aligns well with your personal development, healing, and self-awareness, which are areas of interest to us in this movement. The practice of gratefulness can significantly change your mindset by shifting your perspective and helping you develop a more positive and appreciative outlook on life.

Gratefulness can bring about positive changes in anyone’s life.  Gratefulness can improve your mental health. Practicing gratitude can help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. When you focus on the positive aspects of your life, it can counteract negative thought patterns and boost your overall mental well-being.

Gratefulness can enhance your emotional well-being. Gratitude can lead to increased feelings of happiness and contentment. It can help you savour the good moments and experiences in your life, leading to a more positive emotional state.

A gratitude practice can reduce stress. Being grateful can reduce stress levels by shifting your attention away from worries and anxieties. It helps you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing the impact of stressors.

Gratitude can give you increased resilience. Grateful individuals tend to be more resilient in the face of adversity. Grateful individuals are better equipped to handle challenges and setbacks because they have a more optimistic outlook on life.

Practicing gratitude builds better relationships. Expressing gratitude towards others can strengthen your relationships. It fosters a sense of connection and appreciation, which can lead to deeper and more meaningful bonds with friends, family, and colleagues.

Gratefulness can boost your self-confidence. We can all use a self-confidence boost regularly. Gratitude can boost your self-esteem and self-confidence. When you focus on your strengths and the positive aspects of your life, you develop a more positive self-image. When you have a positive self-image, you possess self-confidence.

The practice of gratitude can enhance your physical health. There is evidence to suggest that grateful individuals may experience physical health benefits such as better sleep, lower blood pressure, and a stronger immune system. These physical improvements contribute to overall well-being.

Would you like to increase the odds of achieving your goals? Grateful people are often more motivated to pursue their goals. When you appreciate the good things in your life, you’re more likely to set and work toward achieving new ones.

Gratitude encourages mindfulness, which is the practice of being fully present in the moment. This can lead to a deeper connection with your surroundings and a greater sense of self-awareness. There is a lot of talk these days on being mindful and present. When you practice gratitude, you are fully present in the moment. When you’re mindful of the good things in your life, you become more aware of the here and now, which can reduce rumination on past regrets or worries about the future. When the old ghosts decide to pay you a visit and your mind drifts to the “if onlyies” or the “I should have’s, remember one thing you are grateful for right now: in this moment. The ghosts of your past cannot infiltrate your present when you are grateful in this moment.

Your gratefulness practice incorporates a focus on the positive. You focus on the positive aspects of your life no matter how small they are. By regularly acknowledging and appreciating these positive elements, your mindset gradually shifts away from dwelling on negativity and what you lack. Gratitude helps you re-frame negative thoughts and experiences. Instead of dwelling on problems or setbacks, you learn to find silver linings or lessons in difficult situations. This re-framing can lead to a more optimistic mindset.

A grateful mindset can enhance your problem-solving abilities. It allows you to approach challenges with a more open and creative mindset, as you’re less likely to be overwhelmed by negative thinking.

Gratitude can help you recognize the abundance in your life, even in moments of scarcity. This shift from a mindset of scarcity to one of abundance can lead to greater satisfaction and contentment. Gratitude can bring about numerous blessings and positive changes in your life. You will recognize the blessings as they appear because you have cultivated a positive mindset and the quick response of gratitude in your everyday life.

Neglecting a gratefulness practice can have several negative impacts on your mindset and overall well-being. Without regular acknowledgment of the positive aspects of your life, your mindset may become more focused on negativity. You may dwell on problems, setbacks, and what you perceive as lacking. When you don’t actively shift your focus away from worries and anxieties, stress can accumulate.

Neglecting gratitude may lead to an increase in symptoms of depression and anxiety, as you’re less likely to experience positive emotions. Gratitude can help regulate emotions. Without it, you may struggle more with emotional imbalances, experiencing heightened negativity and frustration. Neglecting gratitude can diminish your self-esteem and self-confidence. You may focus more on your perceived shortcomings rather than your strengths.

A lack of gratitude can limit your problem-solving abilities. You may become more closed off to creative solutions and less open to exploring opportunities.

Gratitude often inspires motivation and goal pursuit. Neglecting gratitude may result in reduced motivation to work towards your objectives.

Gratitude encourages self-awareness and personal growth. When you neglect it, you may miss opportunities for self-improvement.

To practice gratitude and change your mindset, consider starting a gratitude journal, where you write down what you are thankful for each day. There are online journals you can access. I find this one to be quite good. https://grateful.org/practice/private-gratitude-journal/ 

You can also purchase gratitude journals on Amazon, https://amzn.to/3RUghIm or your favorite bookstore. It does not have to be fancy. You do have to commit to taking 5 minutes a day to write down what you are grateful for.

You can also take moments of reflection to express gratitude in your own way. Over time, this practice can become a powerful tool for personal development and healing. This one habit can change your life.

Additionally, a grateful attitude can inspire and uplift those around you, creating a more supportive and healing environment. As you explore and deepen your gratitude practice, you’re likely to discover even more blessings and positive changes in your life. It’s a practice that has the potential to transform not only your mindset but also your overall well-being.

Personal Practices
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Meditate to Feel Great

Written by Judy Johnston

Meditation has become common practice to many people. The idea of becoming mindful, is sort of funny if we think on the word. Mind full, so clear your mind of thoughts. Then shouldn’t it be called Mind Empty. Mind Flush. Mind blank?

But seriously, folks.

The purpose of meditation is to cause the body and mind to become calm.  Calm the breath. To do so,

breath deep,

and hold for a count of 2,

exhale.

Pause at the exhale for a count of 2,

 then inhale again.   

You can practice this simple method called Square Breathing anywhere. Slowly increase the count from 2 to 4 then to 6. It may take time to be able to hold the exhale until the count of 6.  This is a practice, so as you practice you will get better at it. Increasing the amount of air thus oxygen to the brain and the body will exercise the lower part of the lungs bringing more oxygen to the blood stream.  Most people are shallow breathers and only use about half of their lung capacity.

Your lungs occupy about half of your chest. They are big. They expand to your back.  Try this, inhale, hold your breath, then breathe in a little more. Usually, you can add a bit more air. Slowly exhale. As you exhale you can relax your jaw and make a sound.  Awwwww.  or Ohmmm.  Feel the vibration in your chest, lips, and face.  

They are many different ways to meditate.

Walking outdoors is my favorite way to calm my brain. The fresh air, the sounds of nature, the sunshine, even the rain, all bring my attention into the present moment.

Prayer.  Many cultures have repetitive words, phrases, chants, or songs.  The rosary, prayer beads, mala beads give a physical touch as one chants, prays, or speak the words to God. This too calms the mind and relaxes the body. This too is a way of letting go; letting go of the angst, the worry, the anxiety. “Be still and know that I am God.”  Psalm 46.10 NIV.

When I perform Purebioenergy Healing Therapy, I feel tremendous joy. I usually end up singing. It is a peaceful place to be.

Today I want to share a guided meditation.

Read this first to the end, then close your eyes and imagine yourself in this scenario. Another possibility is to record this into your phone and play it back at any time.

Picture yourself by the ocean. Feel the soft warm sand under your feet. Spread your toes into the sand. Do you feel a piece of coral, or just the silkiness of the tiny grains of sand?

Feel your calve muscles relax. The warmth of the sun caresses them.

Hear the sound of the waves gently flowing onto the shore. Then rolling out again to the sea.

Choose to touch the water with your fingers, it is cool but inviting.

Sit down and feel your thighs, legs and buttocks relax.

Stretch out your arms to the sky.

Be aware of the deep blue of the sky, the fluffy white clouds.

Lift your chest and inhale deeply. That fresh salt air fills your lungs.

Exhale and let go any worry or strain.

Inhale again, let your body roll back onto the soft sand.

Your back is supported by the earth. The sand supports you.

Your shoulders relax,

Breathe in again.

Exhale.

Feel your neck muscles release.

Your jaw is open.

Inhale, Exhale, and sigh aaawww. All is well.

The gentle breeze caresses you.

The sound of the waves brings a rhythm of calm. All is well.

Relax your face. Lift your eyebrows high, then let them fall. All is calm.

With your eyes closed, look to the centre of your forehead.

See the colour that is there.

Feel the warmth on your face.

Smell the sea air.

Breathe in.

Let a feeling of love fill your body as you melt into the warmth of the sand.

It is good. All is well.

Rest.

Inhale deeply.

In this moment all is well.

Feel it.

When you are ready, slowly open your eyes. Gently come back bringing that beautiful sense of peace, tranquility, and love with you.

In this moment, all is well.

Personal Practices
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RESISTANCE TO PERSISTENCE TO PEACE

When something is challenging, difficult or an effort, our first reaction is often to resist.

We may complain, dare I say whine.  We may think of ways or hows to get out of it. The stronger we feel we don’t want to do it, whatever it is, the stronger the resistance in us becomes.

We think.  We worry.  We run the  “What Ifs” in our minds.  

What if I don’t like this new change?  What if I can’t do it?  What if people won’t like me if I make this change?

There is a law in physics that says ” An object at rest, remains at rest unless acted upon by an external force.”

We too “remain at rest”.  Not that we are lazy.  We are just convinced that we are comfortable.  We may say  “That is just how things are. I can’t do anything about it”.

 We are resistant to change.

What motivates one to change?  The desire for the new result, must be greater, than the desire to remain in the pain.  Sometimes, we don’t even see the pain, we are causing to ourselves, or to others because we are simply oblivious to it.  It has become such a part of our belief system, we persist in the perspective.

One may say  ” I am how I am.” , “This is the cross that I bear”.  I will never…lose weight, be able to do that {whatever the “that” is}.  I need my glass of wine every night.  I need my coffee every morning.  I can’t do math. I am not technical.  I am not musical.  I am too old, too tired, too young, too busy, too sad. I can’t.

We all have problems, issues, habits.  Good and bad habits.  We all need improvement.  So how do we overcome the inertia?  How do we address this resistance that is embedded in our thought pattern?  How do we avoid this procrastination station, and just do it!

Wayne Dwyer used to say “Change your thoughts, Change your life.”  That is true.  Your thoughts create your actions, your action creates a habit, your habits becomes your life.  But how do I change my thoughts? To change my habits, to change my life?

Here are a few suggestions on how:   

1.  Become aware of our your thoughts.

The average person has approximately 6,000 thoughts per day.  According to research at Queen’s University, based on data from MRI brain scans of volunteers, a thought every 9 seconds.  So how do we herd these random cats running around in our brain?   Pause.  Breathe.  Ask yourself, what was I just thinking?  

Is that true? By the way, your thoughts are not you. You are the one thinking the thoughts.

Most thought of worry, self criticism, judgement of self or others, are not true. There are imprinted beliefs that re-circulate in our heads, and they are totally false.

By the age of 7, many of our beliefs about ourselves are established.  Who influenced your thinking and beliefs at that time?

I personally had a critical belief that when I tried something for the first time and failed at it. My mind would shout at me. “OH Judy, You are Such an Idiot”

Where did that come from?  A conversation with my sister confirmed she too held that belief.  It is not true.  Yet there it was.  Once I recognize it, I can change it.

Forgive them.  Forgive yourself. Send only love to yourself and others.

2.  If you want to go on a road trip to a specific destination, you will need a map. Directions on which roads will take you there. If we want to be different, we have to do different. You cannot keep taking the same road, and expect to get to a different destination.  If you want to have strong muscles, you will need to exercise and strengthen those muscles.  Thoughts are no different.  When you catch yourself, going down the path of self-sabotage, stop.  That is a dead end road.  It hurts you and your potential.

You are the driver on this road trip. Stop. Find the thought path that serves you, and take that path. Use your affirmations – see Rose’s article. Choose to change your direction. Be willing to change. Make your GPS – Good Progresses Success.  You don’t need perfection. You want progress. Good is good enough.

3. It is beneficial and a lot more fun to have a travel buddy.  You are not alone.  This is a common belief in those who have experienced a trauma.  Ask for help.

I have experienced this personally numerous times.  When you need help, ask for help.  No one can be expected to know everything.  Often a different perspective, helps us to see a new way to our desired result.  Another’s expertise may be just the thing to help you achieve your goal or desired result. We are here to help each other. Thank them.   Then when someone asks you for help, you too benefit by helping.  If there is not a person in the moment, ask for help out loud to God., The Universe, Source, that which you call to in spirit. Ask and you will receive.  

4.  Be curious about how our thoughts are influenced by the gut biome.  Food affects our mood. It impacts our energy level, our hormones, our drive. Try eating clean, as in no preservatives, processed food, or sugar;  then observe what happens to your thought processes.  Your biofield contains the information of wellness. Seek and you will find ways to eat, live and be resilient.

5. Take the first step.  In September, I was at Greystone Retreat House and Rentals. I was trying to get down into the waters of Georgian Bay.  In this area, there were rocks, large and small that had to be traversed to get to the water.  As I was stepping on them, it came to me like a revelation:  I had to take the first step.  Step onto that rock, then test out, and find the next rock to step onto.  I couldn’t see the path down to the water, until I was actually on those rocks, then the next step would appear. I step out, then climb, step or stretch to the next one.  My lesson was this.  Take that first step. Trust yourself and know the next step will be there.  

6. Peace is within you.  When you need to make a decision, write out your objective, note your resistance, {resist stance}, list your options, ask for counsel if needed, and when you have the answer that brings you peace, trust it.  We all have choices to make daily.  You can do this.  A change may do you good.

Personal Practices
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A STORY OF ACCEPTANCE

Once upon a time, in a small town nestled between rolling hills, there lived a woman named Emily. Emily had faced a series of challenging and traumatic events in her life. She had endured the loss of a loved one, a painful divorce, and a career setback. Each of these experiences had left a mark on her heart, and for a long time, she carried the weight of these burdens with her.

Emily’s journey towards acceptance began one crisp autumn day when she decided to visit a local park. As she strolled along the winding paths, she came across a serene pond. The water’s surface was like a mirror, reflecting the vibrant colors of the changing leaves above. Emily paused, taking in the beauty of nature around her.

It was in this moment of stillness that Emily realized she had been carrying the heavy baggage of her past for far too long.  She had been clinging to the pain, anger, and regret, allowing them to shape her present and overshadow her future. She understood that it was time to start the process of acceptance.

Over the coming months, Emily embarked on a journey of self-discovery and healing. She began by seeking the guidance of a therapist who specialized in trauma recovery. In their sessions, Emily learned to acknowledge her pain and emotions without judgment. She found the strength to open up about her past and to confront the deep wounds that had been festering for years.

Acceptance for Emily meant embracing her past, recognizing that these experiences were a part of her story, but not the entirety of it. She forgave herself for the mistakes she believed she had made and forgave those who had hurt her. It was a liberating experience, like shedding a heavy coat she had worn for too long.

Emily also discovered the power of mindfulness and meditation. These practices helped her stay grounded in the present moment and prevented her from getting lost in the labyrinth of painful memories. She learned to breathe through difficult emotions, allowing them to flow through her rather than consume her.

As Emily continued her journey of acceptance, she also reached out to her friends and family. She found the courage to share her feelings and experiences with them. To her surprise, she received an outpouring of love and support. Her loved ones embraced her vulnerability and offered their empathy and encouragement.

With time, Emily began to see changes in her life. She pursued new hobbies, rekindled old passions, and even considered a career change that had always been a dream. She realized that acceptance had given her the freedom to envision a brighter future, unburdened by the weight of her past.

One day, while visiting the same park where her journey had begun, Emily looked out over the pond. The leaves had changed color once again, and the water still reflected the beauty of the world around it. She couldn’t help but smile, for she had come to understand that acceptance was not the end of her story but the beginning of a new chapter—one filled with hope, resilience, and the promise of a life lived with authenticity and purpose.

Emily’s story serves as a reminder that acceptance is a transformative process that can lead to healing and personal growth. It allowed her to let go of the past and embrace the beauty of the present, and in the process, she discovered the strength to shape her own destiny.

Personal Practices
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ACCEPTANCE

In my last article titled, Let It Go I talked about the importance of, and how to release and relinquish something that is causing you emotional distress and holding you back. Today I reveal ACCEPTANCE. You may be thinking, “Wait a minute! We can’t do both!”. Well, yes, we can. Acceptance and letting go are not opposing forces but rather complementary aspects of the healing journey. Acceptance provides the understanding and self-awareness needed to move forward, while letting go is the active process of releasing the emotional weight of trauma and embracing positive change. Together, they create a path towards greater peace, resilience, and well-being.

Acceptance is a fundamental aspect of personal development and healing. When a woman experiences trauma in her life there comes a point where acceptance needs to happen. Acceptance plays a crucial role in the healing journey, especially for women who have experienced trauma. It can be a challenging yet transformative process.

Acceptance, in this context, can take several forms:

  1. Self-Acceptance: One of the first steps is often accepting yourself as a survivor and acknowledging the emotions and scars that come with trauma. This involves recognizing that it’s okay to feel the way you do and that you are not defined by your past experiences.
  2. Acceptance of the Past: Coming to terms with the events that led to the trauma can be incredibly difficult. It involves re-framing the narrative and understanding that the trauma is something that happened to you, not something you caused or deserved.
  3. Acceptance of Feelings: Trauma can bring up a wide range of emotions, including anger, guilt, and shame. Accepting these feelings without judgment is a significant step towards healing. Emotions are valid reactions to what you’ve been through.
  4. Acceptance of Support: It’s important to accept and seek support from friends, family, or professionals. Often, women who have experienced trauma isolate themselves, feeling that they should be strong and can handle it alone. Accepting help can be a powerful step towards healing. We are never meant to handle anything alone. We were created for community, not isolation.
  5. Acceptance of Healing as a Process: Healing from trauma is not linear, and it’s important to accept that there will be ups and downs. It’s not about “getting over” the trauma but learning to live with it and thrive despite it.
  6. Acceptance of Growth: Trauma can lead to personal growth and resilience. It’s about recognizing that you can emerge from it stronger and be a more compassionate person.
  7. Acceptance of Boundaries: Setting and enforcing boundaries is a crucial part of healing and living. Learning to say no when you need to and yes when it serves you is an act of self-acceptance, self-care, and self-love.
  8. Acceptance of Future Possibilities: Ultimately, acceptance can open the door to envisioning a future where you are not defined by your trauma. It’s about discovering who you truly are and what you want for your life beyond the pain of the past.

Ignoring acceptance in the process of healing from trauma can have several significant consequences:

  1. Stagnation in Healing: Without acceptance, individuals may remain stuck in a cycle of denial, avoidance, or suppression of their feelings and experiences. This can prevent them from making progress in their healing journey.
  2. Persistent Emotional Pain: Unresolved trauma can lead to ongoing emotional pain, including anxiety, depression, and flashbacks. Ignoring acceptance can contribute to the persistence of these painful emotions.
  3. Physical Health Consequences: Unresolved trauma can also manifest as physical health issues, such as chronic pain, sleep disturbances, and even autoimmune disorders. Ignoring acceptance may aggravate these physical symptoms.
  4. Strained Relationships: Trauma affects not only the individual but also their relationships with others. Avoiding acceptance may lead to difficulties in connecting with and trusting others, which can strain relationships and social support networks.
  5. Recurring Triggers: Trauma triggers can continue to resurface if acceptance is not addressed. These triggers can be emotionally distressing and disruptive to daily life.
  6. Escalating Coping Mechanisms: Some individuals may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse or self-harm to numb or avoid their trauma. Ignoring acceptance can perpetuate these destructive behaviors.
  7. Identity Crisis: Without acceptance, there may be a constant struggle with self-identity and self-worth. This can lead to feelings of confusion and a lack of direction in life.
  8. Increased Risk of Re-traumatization: Failing to acknowledge and accept the trauma can make individuals more vulnerable to re-traumatization, as they may not have developed healthy coping strategies or boundaries.
  9. Long-Term Impact on Mental Health: Unresolved trauma can have a long-term impact on mental health, potentially leading to more severe mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

In essence, ignoring acceptance can prolong the negative effects of trauma and hinder an individual’s ability to lead a fulfilling and emotionally healthy life. It’s an essential step in the healing process to acknowledge what has happened and work through the associated emotions and experiences. This can lead to a more profound sense of self-awareness, resilience, and overall well-being.

The acceptance process is deeply personal and varies from person to person. There are, however, some general steps and strategies that can guide individuals on their journey toward acceptance. Pick and choose what you want to explore.

  1. Self-Awareness: Begin by taking time to reflect on your experiences and emotions. Self-awareness is a crucial first step in the acceptance process. Journaling or talking to a therapist can be helpful in this regard.
  2. Educate Yourself: Learn about trauma, its effects, and the healing process. Understanding the psychological and physiological aspects of trauma can help you make sense of your experiences.
  3. Seek Support: Reach out to a therapist, counselor, or support group specializing in trauma. Professional guidance can provide you with tools and strategies to navigate the acceptance process effectively. Supporting you on your journey to healing is the reason Wounded Women Rising exists. Join our Facebook group and join the conversation.
  4. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help you stay present and grounded as you confront difficult emotions related to the trauma.
  5. Express Emotions: Give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions, whether it’s through talking, writing, art, or other creative outlets. Emotions are a natural part of your healing process.
  6. Challenge Self-Blame: Many survivors of trauma blame themselves. It’s essential to recognize that you are not at fault for what happened to you and to challenge any self-blame or guilt.
  7. Set Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial for self-care. Learning to say no when necessary and creating a safe space for yourself fosters acceptance and healing.
  8. Forgiveness: Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean condoning what happened; it means letting go of the anger and resentment that can be barriers to acceptance. Forgiveness can be a powerful step in the healing process. We will investigate forgiveness in future blog posts. In the meantime, check out our post on Forgiving Myself.
  9. Connect with Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with friends and family who are understanding and supportive. Social support can make a meaningful difference in the acceptance process.
  10. Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer to a friend. Self-compassion can help counter negative self-judgment.
  11. Focus on the Present and Future: While it’s essential to acknowledge the past, don’t let it define your entire identity. Focus on your goals, aspirations, and the future you want to create for yourself.
  12. Professional Help: Depending on the severity of the trauma, professional therapeutic interventions such as Pure Bioenergy Healing are especially beneficial.
  13. Self-Care: Prioritize self-care practices that nourish your physical and emotional well-being. This can include exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and engaging in activities you enjoy.

Once you have reached a place of acceptance, it can profoundly transform your experience of life. Acceptance opens up the door to a more positive and fulfilling life in several ways:

  1. Emotional Freedom: Acceptance allows individuals to let go of the intense emotional baggage that often accompanies trauma. This emotional freedom can lead to a greater sense of peace and contentment.
  2. Joy and Gratitude: Acceptance can shift the focus from what’s been lost to what remains and what can be gained. This shift often leads to increased feelings of joy and gratitude.
  3. Self-Awareness: Acceptance often involves self-reflection. This self-awareness can help individuals understand their triggers, needs, and values, leading to more authentic and purpose-driven lives. Self-awareness produces self-compassion. It’s easier to take care of oneself when you genuinely believe you deserve it.
  4. Enhanced Relationships: When you accept your own experiences and emotions, it becomes easier to connect with and support others. Your relationships may become more genuine and empathetic.
  5. Increased Resilience: Acceptance is a sign of resilience. It means you’ve faced adversity and grown stronger because of it. This resilience can help you navigate future challenges with greater confidence.
  6. Mindfulness and Presence: Acceptance encourages living in the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This mindfulness can lead to a richer, more meaningful life.
  7. Creativity and Expression: Acceptance can unlock creativity and self-expression. Many individuals find solace and meaning in creative pursuits like art, music, or writing.
  8. A Sense of Purpose: As individuals gain clarity about their values and priorities, they often discover a deeper sense of purpose in life. They may feel compelled to make a positive impact on the world.
  9. Spiritual Growth: For some, the acceptance process leads to spiritual growth and a deeper connection to their inner selves or to a higher power.
  10. Healthy Coping Strategies: With acceptance comes the development of healthier coping strategies, which can replace destructive habits and addictions.
  11. Community and Support: Many individuals who have embraced acceptance become advocates or supporters for others who are on a similar journey, fostering a sense of community and purpose.

Life will continue to present challenges, but individuals who have integrated acceptance into their lives are often better equipped to face these challenges with resilience and a more positive outlook. Ultimately, the experience of life after acceptance can be marked by a greater sense of wholeness, authenticity, and well-being. It’s about embracing all facets of oneself and using that acceptance as a foundation for growth and fulfillment.

Healing Practices
Featured

LET IT GO

I used to bristle at the words “let it go”. I often felt like people used this term as a platitude, something to say when they didn’t have an answer and didn’t want to talk to me about my issues. Saying “let it go” got them off the hook of getting involved in my life – even if it was just for the current circumstances I found myself in.

Many years ago when I slammed into menopause, I struggled with insomnia. I found that a lack of sleep altered who I was, how I thought, what I thought and how I expressed myself. At that time, I attended the women’s bible study at the church I attended. I do not remember what we were studying, but I do remember the conversation circled around “letting go and letting God”. I do remember asking the question, “How do you do that?” There was a bit of discussion but no answers on how to let it go. So, true to form I kept asking the same question. I got under the skin of some of the women. They would quote bible verses that had no meaning to the topic at hand. They would say, “Just let it go.” Our group leader was annoyed at the discussion and cut us off – abruptly. I sat there and stewed about it. I did not get an answer.

After class, two of the women waited for me outside of the church. I thought they were having a conversation amongst themselves. Little did I know they were waiting for me. These two women kept repeating, “Just let it go. God will handle it.”  Well, at that time I did not perceive God working in my life and He certainly was not helping with my insomnia. I left that bible study very angry. I was angry because I did not get an answer and angry because I was dismissed by the leader and other members of the group. It wasn’t until I arrived home and had a chance to think about the phrase, “let it go” that I realized that it was used more as a dismissal than anything helpful.  I have since learned that “letting it go” is a form of self love. How? Let me explain.

“Letting it go” is a phrase often used to describe the process of releasing or relinquishing something that is causing emotional distress or holding you back. It is about allowing yourself to move on from past experiences, negative emotions, or even physical possessions that no longer serve you in a positive way.

In the context of personal development and healing, “letting it go” can be a powerful concept. It means recognizing and acknowledging the emotions, thoughts, or traumas that may be weighing you down and then consciously deciding to release their grip on your life. It’s not about forgetting or denying what happened but rather choosing not to let it continue to negatively affect your present and future.

This process can involve various techniques such as mindfulness, therapy, journaling, or even talking with supportive friends or professionals. It’s about finding healthy ways to process and cope with difficult experiences and emotions so that you can move forward with a sense of self-awareness, self-confidence, and healing. Ultimately, “letting it go” is about freeing yourself from the burdens of the past so that you can fully embrace the present and create a better future for yourself. It’s a journey towards self-discovery and personal growth, an act of self-love.

Women, like anyone else, can find it difficult to “let it go” for a variety of reasons, especially after experiencing trauma or challenging life situations. It’s important to note that this difficulty is not limited to a specific gender but can be experienced by anyone. Here are some factors that can make it a challenge:

  1. Emotional Attachment: Women have strong emotional attachments to past experiences or relationships. These attachments can make it hard to move on because the memories are intertwined with deep emotions.
  2. Societal Expectations: Societal norms and expectations can sometimes place additional pressure on women to be caregivers, nurturers, and maintain relationships. This can make it challenging for some women to “let it go” because they may feel a sense of responsibility or guilt.
  3. Lack of Support: Having a support system is crucial for healing and letting go. Women who lack a support network may find it more challenging to process and release their emotions and experiences.
  4. Self-Worth and Confidence: Trauma or difficult experiences can erode a person’s self-worth and confidence, which can make it difficult to believe they deserve to let go and move forward.
  5. Fear of Repeating Patterns: Some women may fear that by letting go, they are setting themselves up to repeat past mistakes or enter similar harmful situations. This fear of the unknown can be a significant barrier.
  6. Coping Mechanisms: People often develop coping mechanisms, which might not be healthy, to deal with trauma. These coping mechanisms can become ingrained habits, making it difficult to let go because they’ve become a familiar way of dealing with pain or stress.
  7. Cultural and Family Influences: Cultural and family values can also play a role. Some cultures may place a strong emphasis on preserving family or relationship dynamics, even if they are unhealthy.
  8. Complexity of Trauma: Trauma can be extremely complex and deeply rooted. It may take time and professional assistance to unravel and address the layers of trauma and its effects.

It is essential to recognize that the process of “letting it go” is highly individualized. What works for one person may not work for another, and there’s no set timeline for healing. The key is to provide a safe and supportive environment for individuals to explore their experiences, emotions, and healing journey at their own pace. Here, at Wounded Women Rising, our goal is to provide you with the safe and supportive environment to grow and experience healing at the deepest level.

There are several steps that can be taken to “let it go” and begin the process of healing and moving forward. This is your “How To” list. Keep in mind that these steps can be customized to individual needs and circumstances. Pick and choose which steps you would like to introduce into your life. You do not have to do all of them. Here’s a general framework:

Self-Awareness and Acceptance:

Begin by acknowledging and accepting your feelings, whether they are related to trauma, past experiences, or negative emotions. Recognize that it’s okay to feel what you feel.

Seek Professional Help:

Consider working with a therapist, counselor, or trauma specialist. They can provide guidance, support, and specific therapeutic techniques to help you process and heal from trauma.

Mindfulness and Meditation:

Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you stay present and reduce the impact of intrusive thoughts and emotions. It can also aid in self-awareness and emotional regulation.

Journaling:

Keeping a journal can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and emotional expression. Write about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This can help you gain insights and release pent-up emotions. Writing about your feelings and experiences can greatly increase the speed of your healing. Scientific evidence says so.

Express Emotions:

Find healthy outlets for expressing your emotions. This might include talking to a trusted friend, engaging in creative activities like art or music, or participating in support groups.

Forgiveness:

Work on forgiving yourself and others involved in the traumatic or difficult experiences. Forgiveness is a process that can lead to emotional freedom. Remember that forgiveness begins with willing to be willing to forgive.

Self-Care:

Prioritize self-care practices that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and relaxation techniques.

Set Boundaries:

Learn to set healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm and to create a safe environment for your healing process.

Educate Yourself:

Educate yourself about trauma and its effects. Understanding the science behind trauma can help demystify your experiences and normalize your feelings.

Support Network:

Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family who can provide emotional support and encouragement. Consider joining support groups with individuals who have similar experiences.

Positive Affirmations:

Practice positive affirmations to boost self-confidence and self-worth. Replacing negative self-talk with affirmations can be transformative. Be aware of how you speak to yourself. Use kind and loving words with yourself.

Professional Growth:

Invest in your personal development and growth. This can include setting and pursuing career goals, acquiring new skills, or exploring new interests. These practices build self-confidence and self-esteem.

Patience and Self-Compassion:

Understand that healing is a journey, and it may have its ups and downs. Be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion, especially during difficult moments.

Gradual Exposure:

If you’re dealing with specific phobias or anxieties related to trauma, consider gradual exposure therapy with a trained therapist to help desensitize those triggers.

Celebrate Progress:

Celebrate small victories along the way. Recognize and honor your progress, no matter how incremental it may seem.

Remember that the journey of letting go and healing is unique to each individual. It’s essential to find the strategies and approaches that work best for you. Seeking professional guidance and support from others who have been there and walked the journey to healing can be a crucial part of this process.

When you “let it go” you can expect several positive changes and transformations in your life. While the specific outcomes will vary from person to person, here are some general expectations:

Emotional Freedom:

Letting go allows you to release pent-up emotions, resentment, anger, or sadness. As a result, you’ll experience emotional freedom and relief from the weight of these negative feelings.

Increased Self-Awareness:

As you work through your past and let go of what no longer serves you, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of yourself. This self-awareness can be a powerful tool for personal growth and making better choices.

Improved Mental Health:

Letting go of trauma and negative experiences can lead to improved mental health. You’ll likely experience reduced anxiety, depression, and overall better psychological well-being.

Enhanced Self-Confidence:

As you heal and gain self-awareness, your self-confidence will naturally increase. You’ll believe in your ability to handle challenges and make positive decisions.

Better Relationships:

Letting go often involves forgiving yourself and others. This forgiveness can lead to healthier relationships as you release grudges and foster more empathetic and compassionate connections with others.

Greater Resilience:

Dealing with and letting go of difficult experiences builds resilience. You’ll be better equipped to face future challenges with a more resilient mindset.

Physical Well-Being:

Emotional healing can have a positive impact on physical health. Reduced stress and emotional baggage can lead to better sleep, improved immune function, and overall physical well-being.

Clarity of Goals and Priorities:

Letting go often involves reevaluating your life’s priorities and goals. You’ll gain clarity on what truly matters to you, which can guide you in making more purposeful decisions.

Opportunities for Growth:

Letting go opens up space for personal growth and new opportunities. You’ll be more open to trying new things, stepping out of your comfort zone, and pursuing your passions.

Happiness and Contentment:

Ultimately, the goal of letting go is to find happiness and contentment in your life. You’ll be better equipped to enjoy the present moment and look forward to the future with optimism.

It’s important to remember that the process of letting go is not a one-time event but an ongoing journey. Healing and personal growth take time, patience, and self-compassion. There may still be challenges and setbacks along the way, but with the right support and strategies, you can continue to move forward toward a more fulfilling and authentic life.

Personal Practices
Featured

AFFIRMATIONS CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Affirmations are short, powerful sentences that can help you overcome negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. An affirmation is anything we say or think, positive or negative. Our self talk is a cascade of affirmations. Every thought you think and every word you speak is an affirmation. This includes all the negative things we think and say to ourselves. Positive affirmations create love, joy, peace, prosperity, and a sense of well-being for yourself. When affirmations are used thoughtfully and consistently, they are incredibly effective in helping to combat the effects of trauma. To make a change in our life we need to retrain our thinking and speaking into positive patterns. Positive affirmations are the beginning points of change.

It is very easy to concentrate on the negatives in life. The negatives are plentiful. Louise Hay said, “Every complaint is an affirmation of something you think you don’t want in your life. Every time you get angry you are affirming you want more anger in your life. Every time you feel like a victim you are affirming you want to continue to feel like a victim. If you feel like your life does not give you want you want in your life, it is certain you will never have the goodies life gives to others until you change the way you think and talk.” We are not bad people because of the way we talk and think. No one is wrong. We have not been taught how to think and talk.  We have been taught by our parents they way they were taught to think and talk.

It is possible to find the positives and talk to ourselves in positive terms. Talking in a positive manner requires a choice. The choice is to be willing to change your focus, to ignore the negativity that exists and find something positive in every piece of self talk and circumstance we encounter. The choice is to affirm, believe and focus on the good things that float through your mind. What you believe you deserve and what you want can be two very different matters.  It takes effort and determination to change your focus from the negative to the affirmative. Pay attention to your thoughts so you can eliminate the experiences you do not want in your life and create the experiences you desire. It is time for each of us to wake up and begin to consciously create our lives in a way that pleases and support us. 

How Do Affirmations Work?

Affirmations work by re-wiring our brains to focus on the positive rather than the negative. Affirmations help us break free from negative patterns of thinking by teaching our minds to focus more on what we do want rather than what we do not want. Affirmations tell your subconscious that you are taking responsibility and there is something you can do to change. Affirmations create something new in your life. By repeating positive statements aloud (or even just in your head) frequently, we create a new neural pathway in our brains that reinforces these positive thoughts and feelings. This helps us to shift our mindset from one that is dominated by fear and negativity to one that is focused on possibility and growth. Whenever you use an affirmation say it with feeling and meaning.

If you believe that affirmations do not work, you are actually saying you do not know how to use affirmations correctly. You can say things like, “my prosperity is growing” yet think “this is stupid, it does not work.” Which affirmation will win out? If you say your affirmations once a day and complain the rest of the time. Which affirmation will win out? The negative one wins every time. The negative affirmation is part of a long-standing, habitual way of looking at life. It can take a long time for affirmations to work when practiced this way, and probably won’t work at all. People give up and discard the practice as garbage because they did not see results in a short time. In truth, they did not embrace positive affirmations. They allowed negative affirmations to win.

Tips for Incorporating Affirmations into Your Life

The most important tip is to make sure you’re actually using your affirmations regularly! You can incorporate them into your daily life easily with these simple tips:

  1. Write down your affirmations every morning or evening. It’s a great way to start or end your day with something positive. Writing down your affirmations helps you remember them better throughout the day so you can repeat them whenever you need an extra boost of positivity. Put them in your phone. Create a wallpaper or photo show on your phone.
  • Find an affirmation buddy! Having someone else who’s also trying to incorporate affirmations into their life can be really helpful in keeping each other accountable and staying motivated. You can exchange affirmations with each other or even just check in periodically throughout the week to see how it’s going!
  • Put reminders around your house or workspace so you remember to practice your affirmations throughout the day. Post-it notes, sticky tabs, phone reminders, anything you can think of. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Find something that works for you and stick with it!
  • Incorporate music into your practice – create a playlist of songs that make you feel good.  Music has an amazing ability to shift our moods quickly. This is a great way to change your state into a positive frame of mind before starting up with your affirmations for the day!

What Affirmations Should You Use.

The first thing you need to do is determine which area or areas of your life you wish to focus. Once you have made that decision you can find numerous positive affirmations. Write down the ones that ring true with you. Below are some examples. Louise Hay was the Queen of affirmations. Many of the following affirmations were taken from her work, I CAN DO IT. How to Use Affirmations to Change Your Life. Pick and choose the one you will use. If you want some positive affirmations for other areas of your life, send me an email at info@woundedwomenrising.ca. I would be overjoyed to provide what you need.

Begin your affirmation practice with the following declaration:

I allow these affirmations to fill my consciousness knowing they are true for me.

HEALTH

  • I have respect for myself.
  • I accept my body as it is.
  • I love every cell of my body.
  • I make healthy choices.
  • For my own health and well being I am relentlessly positive about everything.
  • I enjoy the foods that are best for my body. I can resist anything if I choose to.
  • I take care of my body.
  • I give my body what it needs on every level.
  • I look forward to a healthy old age.
  • I am constantly discovering new ways to improve my health.
  • Healing happens. My body has what it needs to heal naturally.
  • Perfect health is my divine right. I claim it now.
  • I am grateful for my healthy body.
  • Water is my favorite beverage. I drink lots of water to cleanse my body and mind.
  • Filling my mind with pleasant thoughts is my quickest road to health.

PROSPERITY

  • Everything I need comes to me at the perfect time.
  • I willingly move from poverty thinking to prosperity thinking and my finances reflect this change.
  • I express gratitude for all the good in my life.
  • I deserve all that I desire.
  • Life supplies all my needs in great abundance. I trust life.
  • I am open to the unlimited prosperity that exists everywhere.
  • I am a magnet for money.
  • Wherever it is that I work, I am deeply appreciated and well compensated.
  • Abundance flows freely through me.
  • I pay my bills with love, and I rejoice each time.
  • I deserve the best and I accept the best now.
  • I release all resistance to money, and I allow it to flow joyously into my life.
  • I have all that I need and wealth flows to me in abundance.
  • My prosperity is always increasing.
  • I give thanks for all that I have now and for all of God’s riches.

STRESS FREE LIVING

  • I let go of all fear and doubt.
  • Life is simple and easy for me.
  • I create a stress-free world for myself.
  • I relax all my neck muscles and I let go of all tension in my shoulders.
  • I slowly breathe in and out. I relax more and more with each breath.
  • I am a capable person. I can handle anything that comes my way.
  • I am centered, focused.
  • I feel more secure each day.
  • I express my feelings.
  • I can be serene in any situation.
  • I am comfortable with my finances. I can always pay my bills on time.
  • I trust myself to deal with any problems that arise during the day.
  • I realize that stress is only fear. I now release those fears.
  • I am in the process of positive changes in all areas of my life.
  • My confidence is unshakeable because I live with integrity.

FORGIVENESS

  • The door to my heart opens inwards. I open the door to forgiveness.
  • The world around me changes when I change my thoughts.
  • I am willing to be willing to forgive.
  • The past is over, it has no power now.
  • I refuse to be helpless. I refuse to be a victim. I claim my own power.
  • I give myself the gift of freedom from the past and move with joy into the now.
  • There is no problem too big or too small that it cannot be solved with love.
  • I am ready to be healed. I am willing to forgive. All is well.
  • As I forgive myself it becomes easier to forgive others.
  • I forgive myself for not being perfect.
  • It is safe for me to release all of my childhood traumas and move into love.
  • I forgive everyone from my past for all perceived wrongs. I release them with love.
  • All the changes that lie before me are positive ones and I am safe.
  • I choose to forgive the past and I choose to move into a joyous life.
  • I am living the very best way I know how.

RELATIONSHIPS AND ROMANCE

  • I practice profound self-love.
  • From time to time, I ask those I love, “How can I love you more?”
  • I choose to see clearly with eyes of love. I love what I see.
  • I draw love and romance into my life, and I accept it now.
  • Love is around every corner and joy fills my entire world.
  • I rejoice in the love I encounter every day.
  • I am comfortable looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you. I really really love you.”
  • I deserve love, romance, and joy and all the good life has to offer me.
  • I am surrounded by love. All is well.
  • I am in a joyous, intimate relationship with a person who truly loves me. That person is me.
  • I am beautiful and everybody loves me.
  • I am greeted by love wherever I go.
  • I attract only healthy relationships.
  • I am always treated well.
  • I am very thankful for all the love in my life.
  • I find love everywhere.

SELF-ESTEEM

  • I am totally adequate for all situations.
  • I choose to feel good about myself.
  • I am worthy of my own love.
  • I stand on my own two feet. I accept and use my own power.
  • It is safe for me to speak up for myself.
  • I am loved and accepted exactly as I am right now.
  • My self esteem is high because I honour who I am.
  • My life gets more fabulous each day. I look forward to what each new hour brings.
  • I am neither too little nor too much. I do not have to prove myself to anyone.
  • Life supports me in every possible way.
  • My consciousness is filled with healthy loving thoughts that reflect themselves in my experience.
  • The greatest gift I give myself is unconditional love.
  • I love myself exactly as I am.
  • I am the master of my mind.
  • I am a pure powerful soul.

Today is a new day. Today is the day you begin to create a new joyous life. Today is the day to release all of your limitations. You can change your life for the better. You have the tools within you to create the life you desire. These tools are your thoughts and beliefs. Affirmations are powerful tools for shifting your perspective from one dominated by fear and negativity towards one focused on possibility and growth. With consistent practice, affirmations can help us break patterns of negative thinking and we learn to respond more positively to challenging situations in our lives. I trust this article has given you some practical tips about how to start incorporating affirming statements into your everyday life. Start this new practice and watch how your life will change.

Happy Affirming!

Personal Practices
Featured

PASSION

What is passion? What comes to mind when you say the word passion?

It is a word often bandied about to promote the latest item to be desired, or acquired.

Why is the word associated with the colour red?

Why are certain women portrayed or described as a fiery woman, independent women … the passionate Italian actress, Sophia Loren. Golden Globe winner, Racquel Welch, even Katherine Hepburn and Sofía Vergara. Does their passion for their work or their lives make them independent, out-spoken?

Or does our society simply label them as such, because they speak their truth?

Is passion something that exists in all of us?

In researching this article I asked a number of people what is it that they are passionate about?

Many answered that their passion stemmed from their talent. If it was music, or art, or composition or fashion, or cooking. Sport also ranked highly on the list , both competing in sport or watching sports.

What all these things have in common is that they are creative pursuits.

Our creativity is something that defines us as humans.

In the yogic tradition the creativity energy lies in the 2nd chakra. This is the area just below the navel, in the center of the lower belly at the front and the lumbar spine at the back. The pelvic area is also where our fertility rests, our creative center.

As women so much of our life is affected by our fertility. Be it preventing a pregnancy, encouraging a pregnancy, carrying a pregnancy , becoming mothers and all the creativity that comes with that. Yes, negotiating with a toddler is a creative endeavour. As is communicating with a teenager.

That creative energy never leaves us. It may be transmuted into different venues.

What are you passionate about? What kick starts you to do that “thing” that you choose to do?

Whether you are a maiden/woman/mother/grandmother, with or without a child, that sacred part of you, your passion is an essential gift that you bring to the world.

Let’s embrace our passions. Let’s encourage one another to share what matters to you.

To stifle this energy is a disservice to ourselves and to the greater good.

We were all created with a red hot, fiery passion. Something that sets our hearts on fire, something we can talk for hours on when the spark is lit.

Let us get excited. Embrace that joy and let loose with abandon. Fear not what others may think. We are not thinking. We are being. We are doing. We are creating that Life that is worth living. We are making some noise, banging our toys and scaring the boys. That vast well of creative energy is there for you to use. Let’s shake things up. Let’s create something great.

Personal Practices
Featured

Building Self Esteem

There is and has been much talk about self-esteem. Have you ever wondered why there is a lot of chatter about it? Have you wondered why self-esteem is so important? Or do you glance at those articles out of the corner of your eye, give it a humph and move on?

I often would glance at the article, give it humph and move on. That was until my self-esteem was no where to be found. This has happened to me more than once in my life. To be open and honest with you, my self-esteem was absent three times in my life.

I was one of those kids who believed what people in authority told me. As a kid we were told you don’t question those in authority. I didn’t question them – out loud. I did, however question their words in my mind and heart but never out loud.  As an adult I see that never allowing a child to question anyone is detrimental to their mental health.

When a person in authority tells you, “You’re too stupid” or “You’ll never amount to much” or are criticized for what you do repeatedly, you start to believe them. I figured they knew something I didn’t. I do admit I wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I was far from stupid. I stuttered. I learned differently than most kids in my class. I needed extra time to grasp the concepts. I also asked too many “why” questions. I needed the world to make sense to me. No one had time for those who are different. Those who are different required too much, and no one wanted to put in the time or effort to discover what made those who are different, different.

Eventually I learned to be invisible. I learned to be an observer rather than a participant. I preferred to be in the background. There were times I put myself out there to be seen. Those were fun times. It wasn’t long after that, that I would be put in my place again by a comment from one in authority. This cycle repeated itself throughout my life. This cycle eroded my self-esteem.

What do you do with eroded self-esteem? I went looking for it. I was a frequent visitor to the self-help section at the library. I read about self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth. I knew I had to do more than read. I had to do something about it. The first thing I did was find something I was good at. Through trial and error, I found that I was good at creating things with my hands. I took classes on things I was interested in. I worked in a craft shop so I could learn more. I started teaching others to do what I was learning.

I learned that as I spent time with people who had similar interests, they liked me, and I also started to like myself. I began to take better care of myself. I saw that I had value and could positively contribute to my world. I became excited about what I was doing, and imagining owning a business.  I did start my own business teaching others to create with their hands. I felt successful when people signed up and paid for my knowledge.

I learned to be kind to myself. I talked to myself using positive words. I decided how I wanted to treat others. I decided how I would treat myself. I spoke to myself with kindness and affection. I believed in myself and my abilities. I accepted my limitations but did not accept that I could not overcome them.

I had to make some really difficult decisions; decisions that affected not just me but my children as well. I learned that making difficult decisions doesn’t kill a person. Making those decisions can actually keep you alive. I also learned that with those decisions, there may come some guilt and doubt. Both guilt and doubt can be overcome. I learned to sit with the doubts and the guilt until the feelings went away. I would have a good angel, bad angel conversation. The good angel would speak kindly. The bad angel would laugh at the good angel and “tell me how it really is”. These two would go back and forth until I had relived the entire relationship and I decided that I would not and could not go back to THAT! Then I would pick myself up, dust myself off and forge ahead.

I learned it is okay to assert oneself. This was one of the scariest things I ever did. Asserting oneself when you have learned to disappear is super hard. I do not remember the first time I asserted myself. I do remember the feelings that went with it. I was nauseous. I had sweaty palms and armpits. My legs shook uncontrollably. I thought I would poop myself. I thought I would collapse. I wanted to run away. Nothing bad happened when I asserted myself. The outcome was pretty good. I got what I needed. No one hated me for asserting myself.

One of my counsellors suggested acting confidently even when I did not feel like it. This was hard, really hard. I am not one to fake it until you make it. I found that reciting positive affirmations was helpful. Over the past 4 years I have accumulated over 160 affirmations I can turn to. I recite what I need for a few days or weeks. During those days and weeks my mind believes what I am telling it. My confidence increases exponentially.

I built my self-esteem by taking part in activities that I enjoyed. I learned that I did not have to do only what others wanted to do.  I opened myself up to new experiences that I wanted to pursue. I have always liked music. My interests were not too varied. I started to listen to other genres of music other than rock and country. I now enjoy a wide variety of music including symphonies and opera. I learned to golf and love the game but not for competitive reasons. I started gardening and decided that I like flowers a whole lot better than vegetables. I figure there is a farmers’ market close by. I will buy my vegetables. I like to ride a bike. I am a destination cyclist. Riding a bike for the sake of riding a bike just isn’t for me. I like being on the water in a boat. I do not like fishing.  I like sitting by a river and reading. I love downhill skiing. I’m not really good at it but I enjoy the thrill of coasting down a mountain. I like to stop on occasion and take in my surroundings. Discovering what I like and don’t like has helped to build my self-esteem.

One of my coaches keeps telling me to focus only on the positives. This develops my positive mental attitude. I, like you, can focus on the negative aspects of life. There are so many of them. It takes effort to focus on the positives. Focusing on the positives and building a positive mental attitude is so worth it. It has become a way of life. I am constantly looking for the positive in any and every situation. This includes the way I talk to myself. When my self-talk starts to become negative, I turn it around by focusing on the positives. It is not always easy to find the positive in any situation. Trust me, positives are there. I have found it helpful to stop and breathe. If I have to, I remove myself from the situation so I can get clarity. The more I do this, the faster I can find a positive. Then, I focus on the positive.

Here is a simple exercise you can do to build a positive mental attitude.

  1. Notice each enjoyable thing that happens to you during your day, even if it seems insignificant.
  2. Keep these moments in your mind or write them down in a notebook you carry with you. I do this at the end of each day. I call it my Joy Moments journal. Before going to bed I review my day. I pick up on the moments that brought me joy, such as the words or actions of a child, a conversation with a friend, a goal I achieved or something I heard or read that brought a smile to my face. This journal does not have any space for my struggles or upsets. This is for joy moments only.
  3. Over the coming weeks you will notice that these events are increasing in number and that some of them are not only fleeting moments of joy but that they are having an impact on your future.
  4. Review your entries from time to time. You will see that you do have a very good life.

Creating a positive mental attitude is a giant step in building self-esteem.

We have heard that meditating cleans your head-space. It’s true. I have found meditating to be a beautiful practice. We should all do something beautiful for ourselves. Through meditating I am able to see things more clearly. I listen to my heart instead of my head. My head is full of what other people say. My heart knows me. My heart is a better leader than my head will ever be. When I take the time to listen to my heart, I know who I am. I know what I want. I know what I value. I am a kinder person. I am a more loving person. I can handle life better.

Building my self-esteem has been like meeting an old friend, maybe even – a new friend. I like the girl I see in the mirror. She’s not perfect because perfection is an illusion. She still has a whole world of discoveries to make. She is a perfect creation of God. I pray that each of you will find a way to develop your self-esteem. You are worth it. You are a perfect creation of God. It is time to discover her.

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Healing

Healing

To heal is to make whole.  To heal is to be happy.  Happiness and health go hand in hand.

When we are operating at our maximum potential we are happy, energetic, enthusiastic, and joyful.  We are a pleasure to be around, and we are social.  We like ourselves and others.

When illness, stress, worry, pain, anxiety and fear upset our biological balance.  We get cranky.

We complain, we have a difficult time to see the joy in the moment.  The items, activities, and people that would usually add  to our enjoyment, don’t.   Our thoughts turn to the lower energy frequencies of hopelessness, depression, anger and despair.  We want to rant, cry, bitch about something, anything, everything.    “I am not happy. I don’t feel good.  I am angry. I am disappointed.  I am despondent.  I am hurt.  My body hurts, my feelings hurt, my mind hurts.  I have no joy. No love, no fun, no goodness. Nothing good ever happens for me”

Peace to you my child. The goodness is always with you.  The peace resides within you.

There is a wonderful way to heal. It has been in existence since the beginning. It is pure.

Healing is a profound journey that extends beyond the conscious mind.  In reality, healing starts with the non-conscious.   It involves the creative energy that gives life to all living things.  The Latin word bios means life .

Zoran Hochstatter , expert, author, speaker, filmmaker, innovator in Biofield Therapy and the key educator behind Purebioenergy Training says, ” Bioenergy is the life sustaining force of the Universe.  There is no life without Bioenergy.”  

The information of health is contained within this bioenergy.  All forces of the universe, including human consciousness , are transformations of this cosmic energy.

Every living being has a biofield.  The biofield is the energetic, electro-magnetic essence of each living thing. It is  affected by the environment, our thoughts, and habits. The biofield communicates at the speed of light with every cell in our bodies.  The body is  self-healing.

Purebioenergy restores and balances bioenergetic information to activate the body’s own innate healing mechanisms.   Purebioenergy addresses the information/ frequency of Health , not illness.  Transmission of this information of Health, adjusts and balances the biofield to restore health on all the levels of the human existence – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

When a person is under stress, be it physical, mental or environmental, their immune system will break at its weakest point.   Cells become weak, misinformed, confused and do not function as they should.    

Information contained in this pure, coherent, all-knowing energy, helps reactivate the immune system to operate at its best.  The immune system spreads this performance-enhancing “information” to all the cells and enables the body to heal at source.  Bioenergy is intelligent and knows what the body needs.  This means it has the power to create or recreate well-being of the person.  It happens on the physical level, emotional level, the mental level and the spiritual level. ”  

Purebioenergy Healing Therapy is structured, precise and effective.

Healing happens when the whole is restored in it’s optimal state.  When your biofield is balanced, you are healthy and happy. Life flows through you.  Joy, confidence, peace, harmony fill you.  This journey may include a transformational shift in how one chooses to be in the world.   In so doing, you not only benefit yourself but the ripple effect of happy, healthy people will  be positive to all.   

Life is good.  

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Wisdom

Wisdom is a word we hear a lot. We all seek it. We believe life will be better if we have it. But can you define it? It struck me last week that Judy and I talk a lot about wisdom. Our website tag line is “The Wounded Woman’s Way to Wisdom.” So, what do we mean? What drives us to lead you into wisdom?

Let me start by defining wisdom.

Wisdom, sapience, or sagacity is the ability to contemplate and act productively using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense, and insight.

Wikipedia

When I first read this definition, I paused. I realized that no one escapes gaining wisdom. As we live our lives, we all gain knowledge, experience, and insight. Most of us gain understanding or common sense, but not everyone. We cannot escape obtaining wisdom. We can, however, lack the ability to contemplate and act productively. When you live your life with “your head stuck in the sand” or being oblivious, you may miss the opportunities to act on what you have gained through experience. When we do not take responsibility for our actions we are not performing in our wisdom.

Why is wisdom such a big deal? Wisdom is key to making choices that bring joy. We all seek joy. Joy appears elusive to most. Could it be we do not experience joy because we are lacking in the pursuit or exercise of wisdom?

During my research for this article and years of seeking wisdom I was and am aware that wisdom is normally referred to in the feminine. Wisdom is called “she” and “her” in scripture. The book of Proverbs is full of thoughts on wisdom and refers to wisdom in the feminine. For example, “Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Proverbs 3:15

Wisdom is said to originate with God and God gives wisdom.

The Koran says that only Allah has wisdom and gives intelligence at his will.

Buddha says wisdom can be reached by knowing the impermanent nature of all objects we hanker after and annihilate cravings for them. Wisdom is knowledge.

Hinduism says that wisdom is higher than knowledge obtained by reasoning and inference. The path to wisdom is meditation, self inquiry, and contemplation.

Humanism states that wisdom comes from many diverse sources but is primarily something that develops over time through sharing and challenging of ideas.

Our Indigenous People say that wisdom is about the interconnectedness of all things. Wisdom deepens understanding. Wisdom is gained experience. Knowledge is to know the difference between wisdom and knowledge and accept responsibility and accountability. Wisdom is the future.

I found this online at mooshwalks.com. They say wisdom is a virtue that is not innate but can only be acquired through experience. Anyone who is interested in trying new things and reflecting has the ability to gain wisdom. This website says to

  • try new things,
    • talk to people you do not know and listen,
    • do things the hard way,
    • make mistakes,
    • share your wisdom with others.

For our community wisdom is not something to be attained. It is something to be developed as we heal from our traumas, our mistakes, and the mistakes we see others make. Wisdom is developed when we celebrate our successes, For us wisdom is the pursuit of knowledge to share with you so you can heal and become whole. Judy and I actively search for the wisdom others have received and shared to help you. Judy and I have walked the path of trauma throughout our lives. We have managed situations we wish we could take back and get a do-over. We have managed situations the best we could with the information we had at the time. We have been brave. We have been crushed. We have been restored to a place where helping other women navigate the waters of healing is the deepest desire of our souls.

We believe that when one woman heals, a community is healed. The life of one woman touches so many people. Heal her. Heal her community. Teach her and you teach her community. Love her and she loves her community. This is what drives us in the pursuit of wisdom.

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Running towards vs running away from something

I have always been a runner. I like the feeling of lightness, exuberance and joy, running in the woods brings me. I like hearing the crunch of the leaves, or the squeaky cushion of the new grass. I like smelling the earth’s many changing fragrances, from spring’s damp musty revival to summer’s fresh bright green scent to the autumn’s yellow gold crisp aroma of harvest’s transition.

I often run with a song in my head. I don’t wear headphones. The songs are just the playlist and the rhythms that accompany me on this journey of life.

So often the scurry of a squirrel or chipmunk will catch my attention. A garter snake may slither across the path, as I jump up to avoid treading on its tail. Being in the forest, or meadow, or riverbank brings all of the 5 senses to the forefront. Yes, even taste as water tastes better when the air around one is clean.

There is another reason why I enjoy running. Running brings my mind into alignment. The chatter that accompanies me daily can be filtered out. It is necessary to focus on the inhale and exhale as the heart pumps, and the lungs expand to fill the need for more oxygen. The rhythm of a footfall, one step leading to the next, creates synergy. The rigid limitations of my brain start to become flexible. The challenge of a complex tax form, is as attainable as the steep incline up a pine needled strewn hill. Place one foot in front of the other, even if you have to slow to a walk or a crawl. When you get really tired, stop and walk.

Something worth pondering on this journey is: are we running towards something? Or are we running away from something. It can be a combination of the two. The difference is in how one chooses to feel about what you are running towards or away from.

At one time, I knew I was running away from the noise, chaos, and emotional upheaval of where and how I was living. I couldn’t wait to get my shoes on and get out that door. When I got balanced, got the emotions out, I could come back and manage the activities that had to be done. Eventually, a decision had to be made to change the template, because running away from it would not solve the problem. It was a coping tactic. It gave me the outlet needed until I had the courage, wisdom and energy to make a big decision to change. I am grateful for the ladies that I had the opportunity to run with along those trails, and roads. Each of them has a story worth sharing.

When we set a goal, we give ourselves something to run toward. If you want to complete a 10K race or an obstacle race, you start by training to reach small objectives. The first 5K accomplished, the first 25 pushups, the first time you sign up and show up for your own objective. I encourage you to celebrate those successes along the training trail. Don’t wait til the final tape is crossed. Celebrate and build on your successes. They are successes. Each one carrying you towards the next success. Have a look at how you define your success. Just showing up and giving your best is a success. It is personal.

Forgive yourself if you don’t accomplish what you set out to do. Rest, renew and start again. Remember you are not your accomplishments. You are not your degree, your accreditations, your last promotion. You are You. That beautiful creative spirit, shining out, that thought of God.

Have a look at what you are running towards. Is it your heart’s desire? Is it what society tells us we are to seek? Can you refine your goal and put it in alignment with what your heart truly wants? Can you commit to that which brings you joy? What would change if you were to do that?

Set your objective, adjust your visor and lace up your shoes. Take those first steps on a new path. Soon you will be finding your stride, focusing on the rhythm and feeling the elation as you round the bend and head up that hill. The view is worth it. The joy is worth it. You are worth it.

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We Are Love

We are all love and spirit beings, no matter who we are or where we come from. We are all connected in our spirits, which allows us to see the beauty in each other, even when it is difficult to do so. When someone has hurt us or made decisions that have damaged our trust in them, we can remember that they too are a spirit being. They may have acted out of fear or lack of love, but this does not make them any less worthy of compassion. I know it is difficult to consider the other person when they have wronged and hurt you. However, when we see them as fellow broken humans we can turn from anger to compassion.

It is important to recognize that although there may be actions that someone has taken that you do not approve of or condone, it is essential to differentiate between the person and their actions. When a child strikes another person, are we able to separate the action from the child? Do you start calling the child a devil or other awful names? Or do you remove the child and instruct them on their behaviour?

It cannot be assumed that because one action was wrong, the person that committed it is completely bad. We have all heard that we should give the benefit of the doubt. Giving the benefit of the doubt means to believe something good about someone, rather than something bad.  We have the choice of doing either. Every individual has a unique spirit, and as such should be treated as an individual rather than defined by their past choices and actions.

We can also remember that those who hurt will in turn become hurtful. By understanding this cycle of pain, we can cultivate empathy and compassion for those whom we perceive to have wronged us, if we realize that they acted out of fear or lack of love. There may be times when it is best to distance ourselves from people who have been damaging in our lives, yet we still need to remember our connection in spirit.

Consider this example. The relationship with your sister is strained and has been most of your life. Do you treat her the way she treats you? Do you distance yourself from her to minimize the effect she has on you? Do you try to understand her behaviour? My experience says that option 2 and 3 are the best ways to go. Option one only leaves you feeling bad about yourself. Option one is sandbox mentality. To rise above the situation, put some distance between the two of you. When your emotions are calm you could try to understand her behaviour. You may not come to a place of understanding. That is okay. Distance is an effective way to manage the situation – even during family gatherings. I do not see distance as being a way to run away. I see distance as a positive mental health strategy and setting healthy boundaries.

Ultimately, remembering that we are all love and spirit beings, brings greater peace and harmony into our lives. No matter how broken or scared someone might seem on the outside, we can keep in mind that at their core they are love. After all, God is Love and we are a thought of God. Then it follows that we each have an innate capacity for love. It is this spiritual connection between us which allows us to act in a loving manner towards one another, even during times of difficulty or strife.

It is important to consider that despite the circumstances of our lives and the challenges we face, no one can ever take away our worth as spirit beings. Others and God love us, and more importantly than anything else, we are lovable! Let us strive towards creating a world where every person can feel secure in knowing that their spirit is worthy of respect and compassion. By embodying this truth, we can all become more connected in love.

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Judgements

If you’re like me, you’ve experienced some form of trauma in your life. And if you’re anything like me, you might also be prone to being judged by others because of it. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to be who you are, and that no one deserves to be judged for their trauma. Keep reading to find out why.

We all make judgements.

It is inevitable that we make judgements about other people – whether we realize it or not. These judgements can lead to pain and difficulty with our relationships. But while it may seem hard, the best thing we can do is try to be aware of your own judgements and be mindful of how those judgements may affect those around us. The important thing to remember is that everyone is just doing their best, even if it doesn’t look the same as yours.

Why do we judge others? 

Judging others is something we’ve all done, but why do we do it? Is it because deep down, we’re scared of them and/or their differences? Or maybe it’s because their behavior doesn’t fit our idea of what’s “normal”. Since we are unable to understand it, we make assumptions about them. Whatever the reason may be, it’s clear that judging people isn’t a healthy habit to have. Instead of looking for the negatives in someone else’s life, try to see the good that others bring. This practice can make us more tolerant and open-minded people and give us a chance to become better versions of ourselves.

Can we break down the barriers that our judgements create between us and others?

Breaking down the barriers created by judgement can seem like a difficult challenge. In reality, it is one of the simple things to do. All it takes is a little vulnerability and an open mind – something that a lot of people are scared of. Because we have been judged should we be actively judging others? Is there a possibility that because we know the hurt of being judged we can stop the cycle of “you hurt me, now I get to hurt you”? If the person who hurt you is not in the line of fire, could we quit taking it out on the next person who comes into your field of vision?

If we worked to view the world around us through a different lens, we would be choosing to challenge ourselves and our perspective. Instead of seeing the worst in people, what if we actively chose to seek out the best? While it may not always be the easiest path to take, the personal growth we can gain from taking this approach is invaluable. By recognizing and appreciating the good within someone, we open ourselves up to a more meaningful connection with that person. It’s never too late to start noticing all of the wonderful things that are waiting for us as soon as we make a conscious effort to look for them!

A few months ago, I ran into someone at the mall that I had gone to school with a way back when. I hadn’t ever really talked to them much before and honestly, the first time we’d ever interacted wasn’t memorable in a good way. So, when I saw them, I expected it to be awkward and maybe even hostile. But instead, they treated me like an old friend and joked around with me while we caught up on our lives. In that moment, I couldn’t help but realize how wrong my first judgement of them had been; my mind was completely changed at the fact they were just so warm and kind. It left me thinking twice about judging people on appearances or quick conversations afterward; you never fully know what someone is like until you’ve gotten to know them better!

We all have certain prejudices and biases – it’s unavoidable, but that doesn’t mean we should shy away from challenging them. We have the ability to think critically. We have the ability to ask ourselves why we’re feeling a certain way. We have the ability to work through our judgemental assumptions. 

If we want to make progress in creating more unity between ourselves and the people around us, stop being so quick to judge and start having conversations with people who think differently than we do. During open conversations we may even learn why they judged us in the first place. When we come together and openly discuss our opinions while understanding that we may disagree at times, it helps us become more tolerant of each other’s beliefs which creates a safe environment where relationships can grow. 

Join me in making a conscious effort to see the best in people; when we look past surface-level differences, we may find qualities we deeply connect with. We won’t always be proven right in our judgements of those around us, but isn’t it better to give someone a chance than jump to conclusions?

Is there one thing you can do today or be aware of today to ease your burden of judgmental thinking? Be kind to yourself and others; recognize where our minds take us when it comes to assessing someone else’s character. 

We’re all human beings with feelings, flaws, strengths, and worries. Champion yourself in being open minded towards others. Consciously let go of judgement, so that meaningful connections can be established with those that share the same world. Let us take actions together towards breaking down these limits. You never know what kind of meaningful connection you just might find!

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the fragrance emitted by the violet as it is crushed by the heel that treads upon it. (Mark Twain)

Have you ever heard someone say, “I will say I am sorry but I am not going to forgive you.”

From a young age, we are taught forgive and forget. 

Just as  nutritionally, our cells grow from  what we consume, absorb the vitamins and detox the remainder.   Emotionally, spiritually to grow we also need to have an experience, learn from the experience, and detox what is not good for us.  Get rid of it. Let it go.

Imagine if the garbage did not get collected every 2 weeks.  How much rotting stuff would accumulate?  What would that do to the smell, and comfort of your home?  What would that waste attract? Mice, rats, flies, creepie crawlies?   If we do not take out the emotional refuse/garbage that stink, accumulates. It increases. 
There is a Proverbs saying bitterness rots the bones. A bitter mindset affects our whole being.  It rots the bones.  We are energetic beings.  Holding on to the hurts, pain, anger, feelings of betrayal locks us into a cycle of pain.  When one harbours an emotional pain, it will become a physical pain. To heal a physical pain, forgive an emotional pain. Forgiving releases the grip the pain has on you.  

Imagine the issue you have, with yourself or with someone else.  Holding the grudge, the hurt, the anger, and below the anger,  the fear hurts you.  You cannot receive anything when you have a closed hand. By holding onto these issues, we close our hands, and we close our hearts.  Eventually we poison our minds. To end this cycle, start at the high end.  Start with an old mediation prayer from Hawaii.

This is the prayer called The  Ho’oponopono .  It translates to the correction. It can be said with eyes closed. Think of the transgression, the person or the situation. Repeat this phrase aloud 7 or 8 times.

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

I forgive you.

I love you.

Thank you.

The remorse, forgiveness, gratitude and love will change the energy.  Even if a person has passed away, or you are not speaking with them, say it.   There is always 2 sides to every disagreement.  Acknowledging our contribution, I am sorry.  Ask for forgiveness. Release.  Give forgiveness. Release. Love from the agape love, the humanity love, remembering we are love. Be thankful. Have gratitude for the lesson, the relationship, the past, the love.

It may take more than one time to release an old, imbedded hurt.  Keep at it. When the hurt arises, say it again.  This is for your well-being. Your heart health. Your body will be freer, or flexible.  Your thoughts will be clear and without malice or angst.  Your heart will be open.  You will be able to receive. Watch for the changes. Expect the miracles.

If you need help with this, contact us.  I have discovered that through Purebioenergy Healing Therapy many things I have encountered through life, I have been able to heal. To let go of the pain, worry, and bitterness that binds us.

This is a Big thing I had to forgive.  When I was in my early 30’s, I was going to a local Fertility Clinic . I had met Dr. Daya through the clinic on Pine St. in Kitchener.  He suggested to go to the MacMaster Clinic as it was superior to the clinic we had been attending.  After many tests, (many which I had already done), he recommended a surgical procedure that was quite significant. Cutting and changing the uterus shape, called a Tompkins Metroplasty.  I did not feel comfortable with this type of invasive procedure. It had a long 6 week recouperation period.  I declined.  He brought it back up at a meeting when my then husband( now ex) was present. My ex told me that I had to comply and get this surgery done.  Even while awaiting the surgery, my intuition was screaming at me. Get up, leave , just walk away.  I did have the surgery. It was shoddily completed with the students doing the final stitching up. There was damage to nerves, muscles were cut and not properly stitched. It created a ridge on my abdomen which has never flattened out.

A number of years later, I received a letter from MacMaster Hospital that an inquiry and lawsuit was in process, as this outdated surgical procedure by Dr. Daya had been done on women who did not even have the issue, the surgery was meant to correct.  I was one of those 35 women who did not have anything wrong with my uterus. It was healthy. Dr. Daya committed medical fraud, damaging 189 women, some permanently disabled as a result.   My physical body was damaged by him. My emotional body was affected resulting in a big lack of trust. There are many layers to this unnecessary trauma.  The only thing I can do is to address how I feel, and think and act.  I choose to heal.  During a Purebioenergy Healing Therapy healing session many years later, Zoran, my mentor, asked me whether there was something that I was angry about.  I didn’t think I was angry.  Unrecognized anger can show up looking like depression. I am grateful to say I have healed from this.  All of it. It no longer defines me in anyway. You can forgive and release carrying the burden of it.

What do you want to release, forgive and need to let go of?   

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. (Mark Twain)

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FEAR

FEAR

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Yup I said it.   This Thing that hovers around like a black entity waiting to pounce, or smother, or consume my confidence.    I struggle with Fear. 

I can call it lots of different names.   Resistance, lack of initiative, my word of the week, procrastination.

What is it really?  Fear of being judged,  fear of being seen,  fear of being authentic, fear that if people really knew what I felt, or thought, they would not Like me.  Fear of being ostrasized or worse.  Shame, humility, rejection, exclusion. 

Fear permeates so many areas of our life.  Walking outside in the dark, travelling to a new place alone, public speaking.  Fear of heights, fear of water, fear of flying,  fear of catching an illness, fear of getting old, fear of meeting people who are different, fear of people who are the same, complacency. There are all kinds of fears around money, not enough of it, how to keep it, how to increase it, fear of losing it.

Fear of loss, and fear of being alone have entire industries built around these fears.

There is nothing wrong with being afraid of something, someone or the unknown.

What is detrimental to us is to let the fear overrule the potential for joy.

My friend, Sue Crutcher often says that SCARED and SACRED are the same word with the letters changed around.

To change the letters around, we can change our thoughts around the Fear that holds us bound.

And when I say bound, I mean bound, tied up, restrained, restricted from being free.  One of the physical aspects to intense fear and anxiety is constipation.  Even your butt knows this is not good for you.  Butt seriously, folks. 

Fear takes a toll on the physical body. It causes so many ailments. Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life addresses many of the root causes of physical issues.  Acne, eczema, back pain, fibromyalgia all stem from various fears.  The beautiful thing is we can do something to alleviate it, dispel and free us from these fears.

First take stock.  This past week I have been feeling a malaise.  I woke up with headaches, my back and hips hurt.  I have been fatigued but awake at night. I feel like something is irritating me.

 I asked for Help.

I prayed about it. I spoke to my dear friend whose counsel I value.   I realized I have been doing the Avoid Dance.  When I am afraid of something, I AVOID IT.  I find all kinds of things to do to NOT do the thing I should do.  Yesterday at 2am, I was scrubbing the bathroom tiles, because I was awake and I was avoiding what I was supposed to be doing.   I spend time in my head, thinking.  Not doing.

This is the FREEZE response of the parasympathetic response system.  We fight, we flee or we freeze.

Recognize what your own response to the Fear is.   Do you fight? Get angry at your spouse, or children?

Do you fight or squash your own internal voice or intuition?  Do you run away, move, quit?

It takes a bit of retrospection to understand our responses.  This is where the growth or healing comes in. 

The next step is to name the fear.  Once we shine the light onto it, it will not seem so overwhelming.

One definition of Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.  It may be that our perception of the beast is bigger than the beast is.  Ever hear a noise a night, and imagine it is mouse, only to discover it is a tree branch scrapping against the eavestrough?

Say what it is that makes you feel afraid, or shameful, or resistant, or angry.

  Face the fear. (NB IF you are in an abusive situation, Do not do this step alone.  Go to a safe place and have informed people help you).

One of the fears we carry with us during the human experience is the fear of our full potential.

IF we could comprehend our full potential, we would be fearless. 

You are a thought of God.  You are creative, limitless, and free.  You have the ability to love on a quantum level. That love is an inherent part of your DNA.

Fear causes us to restrict, pull in, shut down.  Love expands, flows, enlightens and opens us to new opportunities and growth. There is no fear in love; Perfect love drives out all fear.

When we allow ourselves to feel that immense love, it frees us. Love gives us courage.  It brings confidence.  So, is perhaps fear just a lack of love?  A love of others, a love of self, a love of life.  Forgive yourself. 

Imagine if your life was cloaked in love, what would you be less afraid to do?

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I’m So Sorry

Do Not Apologize for Who You Are

When I started delving into the realm of healing from my traumatic past and self development, I noticed that I apologized a lot. I apologized for my feelings, my opinions, my looks, my clothes. I even apologized for other people. For reasons I cannot explain I took responsibility for their thoughts and actions. I was constantly playing catch up with others. I was trying to become what other people wanted me to be. I was driving myself crazy trying to “measure up.” Any time I thought I measured up the bar was moved. The only thing I exceled at was the losing battle.  I did not embrace who I was. I denied me. I denied my own mind. I denied my own heart, my own soul. No wonder my life seemed to be such a mess. I gave my power away.

I figured out that apologizing was identical to agreeing that there was something inherently wrong with me. I have met women who do the same thing. I have met women who have suffered traumatic circumstances in life who do the same thing. We have been told that we aren’t good enough, we are dumb, stupid, and useless. And we apologize. We are so busy surviving that we cannot take the time to make sense of what is being said to us. Our energy is consumed trying to anticipate the next attack and walking on eggshells so another attack will not happen. The life a traumatized woman is lived in fear. And she apologises for that.

Once the traumatized woman is free of the circumstances the apologies do not stop. The apologies do not stop until she has space to breathe and seeks help. I got tired of apologizing. I was sick and tired of apologizing for what I did not do. I was tired of apologizing for who I am. I was tired of apologizing for another person’s behaviour. I sought help. When I sought help, I was told I was an abused woman. I did not identify as one until I saw the ugliness, I lived in.

What does an apology for who you are do to you? Apologizing for who you are kills your soul. That is a very blunt statement. It is truth. When you apologize for who you are you deny your divinity. You deny the truth of who God made you to be. You deny what you know is true about you. You let someone else define who you are. Who you are is not the decision of someone else. Who you are is up to you and only you.

The process of personally defining who you are is not an easy one. I can tell you with 100 percent certainty it is necessary and extremely rewarding. Defining yourself is an act of self love, the divine act of self love. Who better to lavish this love on than yourself? So, let us talk about how to stop apologizing. Some of this you will have read in past posts. I may sound like a broken record. However, I believe, that repetition is the mother of all skill.

KNOW YOUR TRUTH

We are often worried about what other people will think of us. We are fearful that we will not fit in. When we are focused on what other people think of us, we are caught up in someone else’s world. We lose focus on our world. I am not saying that we should only be concerned about our own world and be selfish. Quite the contrary. We live in relationship with others all the time. We need to be concerned with others, however, should we be so concerned with their world and ignore our own? Consider this. What are you not doing to make yourself feel good? Where is your time and energy going? Are you so focused on others you are tired and worn out or burnt out? Whose opinion are you taking into consideration? Why are you making someone else’s opinion greater than your opinion about yourself?

REMEMBER THAT NO ONE IS PERFECT

It is time to stop playing the comparison game. Each and every one of us is unique. So unique in fact that even identical multiple birth children do not have identical DNA. Perfect people are an illusion. Perfect people are only showing you the best of themselves. Remember we all struggle. We all have flaws. We all have dust under our beds and skeletons in the closet. Culture has taught us that it is possible to be perfect. Commercial creators are excellent at showing us what could be if we did the same as so and so or had the same stuff as our neighbour. Cut the noise on that. Embrace your uniqueness. Flaunt it! Celebrate it! Love it!!

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE

There is always a choice. Stay true to your convictions and your values. Do not allow ANYONE to tell you what you should be or not be. Do not allow ANYONE to interfere with who you are. Do not waiver because of someone else’s opinion. Be strong. Be confident. Build your confidence. You are a blessed soul, carved by the hand of God.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE

Who wants to be around those who are negative? Who wants to be around those who constantly find fault? Who wants to be around someone who criticize everything? Who wants to be around people who think others are the cause of all their problems? Being in the presence of positive people affects us. Their positivity and cheerful personalities rub off on us. Being around them brings us joy and warms our hearts. Oh my gosh, give me some of that!

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Practice self love. When you have made a mistake, own up to it. Apologize for that, not who you are. We all make mistakes. Give yourself a hug, say I love you and do your best to put it behind you. Being kind to yourself allows you to become emotionally flexible. You are equipped to navigate challenging emotions and challenging situations. You are capable of connecting with yourself and others.

PRACTICE POSITIVE SELF TALK

A while back we did a 30 day I AM Challenge on Facebook.  The premise behind the challenge was positive self talk. When we use I AM statements we are rewiring our brains. It is like our brain sits up and takes notice of what comes after the statement I AM. The I AM statements soak down deep into our souls and become our reality.

STOP APOLOGIZING

Only apologize when you own your mistakes. You are a dear wonderful soul as unique as a snowflake. You are who God made you to be. No one, and I mean NO ONE has any right to tell you differently. Embrace your crazy, beautiful, amazing self.

Do you want to do something positive and get around positive people? Vanessa Vance, Judy Johnston and I have planned a Create Your Dream Board workshop. This is an in-person workshop on Tuesday January 24th, 7:00 to 9:00 pm at the office of Exit Realty Genesis office, 2-1373 Victoria St. N., Kitchener, ON, Canada, Ontario. Come out and get creative with other positive people. Lift your spirits. Lift your life. You can send us an email or use this link to register.

There is a nominal fee of $10 per participant for this workshop.

As always, we love your comments. Share your thoughts with us. You help us grow.

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New Year 2023 Horoscope

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Our dear friend Norah Nasturas has graciously provided us with the New Year 2023 Horoscope and a Personal Horoscope for January 2023. I admit it. I do not understand a lot of the fine details of astrology. I do however, enjoy reading what astrologers have to say. If you would like to contact Norah, her contact information is at the end of this post.

Judy and I pray that 2023 is full of precious moments and a lot of AHA moments. 🙂

Ascendent Virgo = Ruler Mercury

Middle Heaven Gemini = Mercury

Mercury 28 degrees Sag in relation with Neptune 28 degrees Aquarius; Mercury Ruler of the year, movement, communications, talking, but at least for the first half no actions, the news about everything are in relation with illusions and manipulation, don’t listen too much to media: The TV or others information.

Mercury in Sagittarius, confusion but positive, more in relation with the Universal values. At the Same time, Lot of changes are coming in relation with information and new discovering,

Mercury Moon in the same element, the intuition is working together with the knowledge what give fast advancement in new things to do better life for people, working in the same direction, in the action.

Lot of people are having problems to adapt to the changes, thinking doctors/medicine can give solutions. And lot of problem with drugs. Drugs are not a solution. The solution is to help people to adapt to the changes, the changes happening in this last 2-3 years are irreversible, we are going to a different society, with different values, behaviors, educations, and spirituality.

Day Saturday = ruler Saturn, the first part of the year will be a new organization, and slow improvement, Saturn is moving to Aquarius, in direction Neptune, for 2 years ½ we will keep in the illusions, Middle 2025 we will know about what really happens in this period post covid. We will see the truth and understand.

Hour Sun = ruler Sun, positive year. Government will be improving too, take more action in relation with children, art and creativity (small businesses)

Venus = economy in Capricorn, slow improvement, will take 2 years to be ok.

Jupiter in Pisces, Jupiter is the protection we all have. In April 2023 Jupiter will move to Aries.

Lots of changes this spring in relation with Jupiter signification as Legal, Foreign, immigration, universities, learning, languages etc etc

Pluto in Capricorn = house prices are going to become normal.

Finally, Venus in Capricorn the first days of 2023 will be another change in the interest rate, in relation with the past actions of the country, the economy, the other countries, with Pluto will be another organization of the money for the country, The people, the business, in relation with priorities.

The moon in Aries is going to take us to the future, more importance for the women, the collective, the people, rapid changes. Lot of action taken by women, looking to past, change the meaning to be a woman, going out of the 2 nd category. As in women will be MORE PROMINENT.

Women fighting for family and children, with the Node north of the moon Rahu (karma), will change the future.

Mars in Taurus, all the activity for the country and people is ruled by Venus, taurus sign, the aggressivity of people will be coming down to most diplomatic behavior, the aggressivity/action of Mars will be transformed in diplomacy, Venus in Capricorn is in relation with the development of how the food is cultivated. Wall cultivation like Vertical Greenhouses.

Venus money = restriction, economy, creativity in 5 th house. Gambling, Complete change in the idea of money, from the past, the Money becomes an abstract idea, Property prices will be real, at the moment is completely an illusion, part of the Gambling situation.

People will start to Focus in new ways. The changes will be in projects, they will be reality in relation to Mars and will happen after the summer 2023.

The Node North of the Moon in 8 th house, People, women are asking for change, social benefits need to be updated, following the Changes in our society,

The 6th house, everything will be changed in relation with work, servants, pets, and very confused; in Aquarius with Neptune inside.

The 6th house in Aquarius, Health, Advance in the more natural ways to take care of the body at the same time that traditional Medicine, Aquarius is the sign of Freedom, Democracy, People. The governments need to find a solution in relation with the health problems and the health system, not only in Canada, will be probable that soon or later, we will have 2 systems in relation with health, the public and the private or will be more clear we have this 2 systems already??

January 2023 Horoscopes

Aries – Lot of changes especially in relation to the discovery about yourself. Who. Who I am and what I really want. A deep analysis of my past, a new cycle is starting with new ideas, values, optimism, thinking to a new start, trying to improving your life, health, organization,doing correction everything that is negative.

Taurus- the reality is here, and you need to face. You know is lot of work to do it and pain (Mars in taurus) but I am sure is going to be better, the shake-up (bad events) is passed, but you are not clear yet, Neptune in the 10 th House, fighti with illusions, the good thing is you have lot of people around, unknown new people and friends. Stay positive, little by little life is getting better.

Gemini- Good time to ask for a Credit or talk with the bank or ask for a raise. Routine becomes easier, we find solutions in relation with responsibilities or commitments, we have more organization, not too many changes and you realize that you are independent and strong and you find very good solutions to this difficult time you had the last 2-3 years. You are doing well.

Cancer- Surprises and changes at the work front, big jumps! Don’t forget the spiritual part in your life, enjoy the Result you are having after the hard work you did. Accept the gift coming from outside of your life, don’t be scared to be happy and don’t be hard on yourself.

Leo – don’t take risks, you don’t have the support you think. Your past relationships (co-workers, family, etc) and past actions are asking for solution, don’t fight, and Use diplomacy. Be very careful with investments or in relation with money, you will be losing lot of money if you don’t change your values, your behavior, try to be more in the reality than illusions, especially after spring 2023.

Virgo – You have the possibility this year to start a new life, with different way of thinking, try to make the necessary changes in your routine before the spring. You have the possibility to improve your career, using the knowledge you have about the Natural and Universal Values. The old teachers give you the knowledge you need to pass to new generations.

Libra – you are ok at this time, but your life is going to change in Spring, Lot of planets are going

to move and the same will be for different areas of your life. Take care of your health, you can do it now, don’t wait. Don’t worry about your career, you are now in the high possible place. Be careful after the spring the problems will start, especially Health.

Scorpio- Mars in Taurus, finally you will be in relation with your career in the high place you must be, Creativity, love, children Is ok but try to organize your future. Relationships are going to change, more work but different subjects with a change in the direction of your work, you attract people currently. Careful with your digestion.

Sagittarius – Good time for spirituality and travels, work and career is going to expand after the spring, more organization, friends coming from past (or past lives) future is open, put your engine to work, is a good year for you, little low in finances, be careful where you spend. You will have improvement in finances after the middle of the year.

Capricorn – Finally is finish these 3 years break in your life. Start to move again, start to live, put yourself in action is lot of opportunities there outside. Be smart, do it now; after spring will be much more difficult for you to find the NEW way. New friends are coming, old friends are going. Change your mind about you and the exterior, good for spirituality.

Aquarius – Become more interested in Nature, Natural healing, invest in yourself before March in new ways, find your happiness now, what you really would like to do. Don’t follow most people. Air is your element. The space is open waiting for you, all the possibilities are open for you Your health is improving lots. Don’t take drugs. Water is good for you, help to think. Go for swimming.

Pisces – Now your life is quiet, but Jupiter is leaving Pisces in March/April; time for a trip? Going to your roots, analyse your life and see what necessary change you need to do, try to come back to spirituality, you worry too much about money, but there are other things more Important in life, this year, you are going to find what is missing in your life. Control your health and your weight.

Effective January 1st 2023

Horary Chart (a question) $ 60.00 (approx. 15 min)

Chart Reading $ 180.00 (approx. 1 hour)

Esoteric, Karma, Spiritual Chart $ 275.00 (approx. 1 hour)

For appointments or information

Email: norahsastrology@gmail.com

Text only: 519 497 6517 No phone calls

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Ask for Help

As we come to the close of the year, and the change to a new season, let’s pause and consider some elements we can incorporate to make the next year of our lives better.

Stress, as Rose shared in the last post affects all of us.  When kept in check, it can be a great motivator. A deadline is a good thing. Without a deadline or a finish by date, many projects may go uncompleted.

Here in the Northern Hemisphere the seasons also motivate us to get things completed.  When working with nature, spring is the time to plant.  Summer sunshine creates the growth, and fall is the time to harvest the crop. As winter approaches, we prepare for the cold temperatures and barren earth, a time to rest.

Traditionally the Christmas Season consisted of Advent, the 4 weeks of spiritual and physical preparation, for Christmas Day and the 12 days til January 6th.  Bringing light into the home with Christmas lights during the darkest time of the year is lovely and can be one of the nicest elements of Christmas.  Putting up the Christmas lights and seeing them glow into to the night is truly a delight. It was highly ranked on our recent poll.

The food planning, cooking, baking, cleaning, and decorating is fun, albeit time consuming. The bulk of the preparation of shopping, gift wrapping, card writing, meal planning, cookie making, cleaning, decorating, party planning still falls primarily to the women of the home. The bustle of it can be fun and invigorating. Keeping the balance of it all from toppling us like a Jenga tower is the trick.

Christmas decorations in stores and that commercial push to purchase starts in October. Even our email in box is subject to ads.  This can exert pressure on us. Sometimes by the time December 25th arrives, the feeling of overwhelm is so big the joy gets squashed like the sweet potatoes.  When we add in crowded grocery stores, unstable weather, unstable personalities, and over-sugared, tired tiny tots, it is easy to understand how some people can feel more like the Grinch, than little Cindy Lou Who. (Fah-who foris, dah-who doris, Welcome Christmas, Christmas Day)

As we gather together with family and friends to celebrate, laugh, and love the time we share, here are a few timely tips to make the season bright.

One way to offset that feeling of overwhelm is to focus only on what matters to you. Make a list. A list of what matters to YOU. Write your list, check it twice. Sharing with a friend is nice.

Choose what items matter most to you.   If baking is not your passion, buy the cookies or pies.

ASK FOR HELP  

Remember that friend? A task becomes a pleasure when shared with a friend.

Be specific in your ask.  Remember the line, “ask and you will receive”?  

In order to receive what will be most beneficial to you, be very specific. (Think the children’s letter to Santa… they know exactly what they want, emulate that enthusiasm). Never assume anyone can read your mind. Clearly and precisely ask for what you need.

Ask your son -in- law to help with the dishes.  Ask your daughters to bring desserts or salads or both.

Delegate before the guests arrive so the family knows their roles. Kids take pride in taking coats and offering beverages.  Give age-appropriate jobs to the little ones. It gives them confidence, pride and encourages responsibility. Be sure to thank them for their contribution to making the day special and tell them you are proud of them.

Shopping:  If you hate shopping, pass the mantel to the one who loves to shop.  Most teenage girls really like being at the mall.  Volunteer hours are a part of the high school curriculum so ask a volunteer to help you with this task.  Got a tech-savvy 20-year-old?  They know Amazon like the back of their hand.

Remember that part of the fun of finding the perfect gift can be an after Christmas outing with your loved ones. Do an activity together. Rose likes to take her family skiing. I like hiking in the woods. Seeing the light festival in neighbouring towns that are on ‘til January is a fun night out.  Taking your grandkids for an afternoon can be the nicest gift for their mom so she gets a nap, or a chance to read that book.  These are low cost, but high value gift ideas that will be remembered for years.

Snow shoveling of sidewalks and driveways can also be volunteer hour credits. Of course, you can pay the kids a small gratuity.

Ask your creative child, friend, or spouse, to help you with the wrapping. Put some music on, pour your beverage of choice, clear the counter or the floor and cut, wrap, ribbon, bow and bag your presents with abandon.   

If you are out and need help with parcels, packages, groceries ask the clerk for help. A recent back injury prevented me from lifting heavy items. I was pleasantly surprised with the enthusiasm I received from staff at a local store to carry my parcels to my car. He was happy to be asked.

Giving someone the opportunity to do something kind, increases that person’s dopamine. Dopamine is one of our feel-good hormones.  It counter acts cortisol a stress hormone. Witnessing an act of kindness improves a person’s immunity by 20 percent. (Holt School of Natural Healing Reflexology Manual).

Plan to give yourself time for you. It can be the greatest gift you give to your family.

  • A warm bath.
  • Time to do your nails.
  • A walk outside before the people arrive.
  • Pet the dog or caress the cat.  
  • Pause.
  • Let the joy of the reason for the Season fill you.
  • Breath in. Hold it. Exhale.  Reset your body rhythm. 

Our expectation of perfection is an illusion.  Have fun.  If something breaks, laugh it off.  If all else fails, put on the Grinch and dance.  Moving our bodies is a great way to shift stress out and happiness in.

Maybe Christmas he thought, doesn’t come from a store, Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more. May the love of Christmas on this Holy Night, fill your heart and home with God’s pure light.

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Stress Management

Oh My Gosh. Yes, we are going to talk about stress management. And not just because the holidays are upon us. Stress management is something we want to be doing all the time. Stress hormones like cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine are necessary to our fight and flight response. When the stress hormones are in overdrive, they can wreak havoc in the body. Symptoms of elevated stress hormones can include any of the following:

  • Fatigue,
  • Irritability,
  • Headaches,
  • Intestinal problems, such as constipation, bloating or diarrhea,
  • Anxiety or depression,
  • Weight gain,
  • Increased blood pressure,
  • Low libido, problems with regular ovulation or menstrual periods, inability to orgasm,
  • Difficulty recovering from exercise,
  • Poor sleep,
  • Muscle pain or tension in the head, neck, jaw, or back,
  • Lack of focus and inability to make decisions.

None of this sounds like something I want to engage in. However, I have and still dance with a few from time to time. Even though stress is part of the human condition you do not have to keep it living under your roof indefinitely. Think of stress as that family member or friend who does not know when to leave. Eventually you have to do something.

We can manage our stress. There are high stress situations in life such as job loss, death in the family, divorce, trauma, giving birth, renovations, or illness. Situations such as these introduce feelings of depression or anxiety. These are normal – for a while.  The trick is to recognize when you are stressed and choose to do something about it.

When we are in crisis situations managing stress is not what is on your mind. Survival is. It would tick me off, supremely, when well meaning people would tell me I needed to manage my stress when I was trying to survive a trauma. Stress management will come once the crisis has passed. And yes, the crisis will pass. That is a topic for another post.

We have all gone through crisis situations. We all know the feelings of panic, heart palpitations, sweaty palms, extreme anxiety, and looking for a way out. These are the fight, fright or freeze responses to impending danger, whether perceived or real. After the threat has passed the stress hormones should calm down. But what if you are surviving a situation that is in constant crisis, such as physical abuse or mental torment. You are constantly on alert. These symptoms become your normal. We stop recognizing the symptoms because we are so accustomed. These symptoms are also wreaking havoc on your body and mind.  There is no way you can “manage” stress in situations like this. All you do is survive moment by moment. There is, however, a way you can release some of the stress.

When you are alone, the simplest coping mechanism is breathing; measured, deep breathing. If you can count and take a slow deep breath you can do this.

  • Take one deep cleansing breath, in and out.
  • Now, breathe in slowly to a count of six.
  • Pause to the count of three.
  • Exhale slowly to the count of six.
  • Pause to the count of three.
  • Repeat

Repeat until you have stopped shaking or you feel the tension release from your shoulders. I used to do this when the kids and I sequestered ourselves in one of their bedrooms when he was on a rampage. Together we would breathe. Then we would wait until he passed out. Often times the children would fall asleep in my arms. At the time I did not know this was a stress management tool. I was just getting a grip. The breathing would calm the children down quite quickly. It took me a lot longer to calm down, but calmness came over me every time. Breathing does not take the threat away. Breathing calms you down so you can think. It is our prayer that you have the courage to exit a situation like this. There are organizations to help you. Judy and I have used these organizations. Be prepared and find these places in advance of when you need them. I found it difficult to think during a crisis and learned to be prepared in advance. Having the information ready also helps to reduce your stress in the moment. You have a plan.

For those of us who have lived way too long with stress as a back seat driver we have some tips to help you get a firm grip on your stress. Choose one of these management techniques to get started. You do not have to do everything. If you hate exercise do not use it as a stress management tool. It will just stress you out more. Do something that rings true for you.

Exercise

So yes, I’ll get the “exercise” tool out of the way. Any exercise is good. I like walking and find that walking allows me to turn down the stress. Find a form of exercise that you like such as running, swimming, dancing, biking, or aerobics. You do not have to spend lots of money on exercise equipment or any at all. There are so many exercise routines that you can access on YouTube. Running requires a pair of running shoes. Dancing can be done in your living room or when you are cleaning. Turn up the tunes! Music itself calms the beast and shifts our mood.

Exercise helps lift your mood. This is because it stimulates your body to release a number of hormones like endorphins and endocannabinoids. When you exercise you tend to feel less anxious and more positive about yourself. When your body feels good, your mind often follows.

Did you know that exercise can reduce pain? It appears counter intuitive doesn’t it. It works. Movement gets fluid and those feel-good hormones moving around your body. Pain is blocked. That is why physiotherapy works. Physiotherapy gets body parts moving and pain is released. In every book I have read about specific areas of pain the prescription is movement before drugs.

Physical activity improves sleep. Better sleep means better stress management. Sleep renews the brain and body. Take care not to exercise too close to bedtime. Exercise too close to bedtime can disturb sleep for some people.

If you don’t have the time or energy for a formal exercise program, you can still find ways to move during the course of the day.

  • Bike or walk to the store instead of driving.
  • Use the stairs instead of the elevator.
  • Park as far as you can from the door.
  • Hand-wash your car.
  • Clean your house.
  • Walk on your lunch break.
  • Do cat stretches while on the couch. Have you ever watched a cat stretch. Mimic those movements. If you have never watched a cat stretch, check out this video. Modify the stretches to suit you.

Food – Your Nourishment.

UGH! Really? Yes – really. Your nourishment is vital to managing stress. We have all experienced stress eating. Sweets, cookies, cakes, chips, anything that temporarily satisfies the emotional state. Have you noticed that you usually beat yourself up after indulging in emotional eating? And you feel like crap. I was in a support group, and we talked a lot about emotional eating. Not one woman in the group felt good after a binge. We are bound to have binges. That is okay – on occasion. Be kind to yourself and vow to try harder and be prepared with a different strategy next time.

One of the benefits of eating healthy foods is your mental health. A healthy diet builds up your immune system, levels your mood, and lowers your blood pressure. Eat your vegetables. Vegetables should be half your plate. Protein, grains and complex carbohydrates fill the rest.

Antioxidants protect your cells from the damages of chronic stress.  You can find antioxidants in a huge variety of foods like beans, fruits, berries, vegetables, and spices such as ginger and tumeric.

Sticking to a healthy lifestyle is easier with a few simple tips.

  • Make and stick to a shopping list.
  • Do not shop hungry.
  • Carry healthy snacks and water with you when you leave the house.
  • Stay away from processed foods as much as possible.
  • Be mindful when eating.

There are supplements available that can decrease the effects of stress on the body and mind. Be sure to get enough vitamin C, magnesium, and Omega 3 fatty acids as part of a balanced diet. Omega 3 is found in wild fishes such as salmon, sardine, mackerel and herring.  Vitamin C can be found in cherries, grapefruit, oranges, moringa powder (put it in a smoothie). Magnesium is found in your leafy greens and cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, brussel sprouts, cauliflower).  

Let feed be your medicine and medicine be your food. Hippocrates

Sleep

Do you struggle to fall asleep? This is a common side effect of stress. Insomnia is the inability to fall and stay asleep at least 3 times a week for at least 3 months. Lack of sleep can also add to your stress level and cause a cycle of stress and sleeplessness. It is a vicious cycle. So how do you get to sleep? Sleep habits. Sleep habits involve your daily routine and the way you set up your bedroom.  Sleep habits include:

  • getting outside even if the sun is not shining. I have a friend that says there is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.
  • Exercise of some kind.
  • Drink less alcohol.
  • Drink caffeinated beverages before 2 pm.
  • Set a sleep schedule. You know – just like you had for children. Try having the same bedtime every night. Set your alarm for the same time every morning. That includes weekends. Try this for one month.
  • No electronics or television for 30 minutes before bed. If you like to read use an old-fashioned book. This is only for one month. It is not a life sentence.
  • Try meditation or other forms of relaxation at bedtime.

How do you set up your bedroom as part of good sleep habits? Your room should be dark. Black out curtains are a good idea. Keep your bedroom cool and as quiet as possible. When it is time for bed keep your phone outside of the bedroom. You can keep it in your ensuite bathroom. Just keep it out of your bedroom. The farther away the better. And turn it off. There are exceptions to keeping your phone turned on. Those are exceptions. Not the rule. Your bed should be supportive, have plenty of space and be comfortable. Pillows should support your neck. The material you sleep on is important. Natural fiber sheets are better for the body.

Connect with people. 

Spend time with a friend or family member who will listen to you. If you think you have exhausted people who will listen to you and can afford a therapist go to a therapist. Talking out your anxieties is a natural way to soothe you and reduce your stress. Better results can be obtained when you walk and talk. Connecting with people in person releases a hormone that breaks your fight-or-flight-or-freeze reaction. You enter a state of relaxation. Hugs help too.

Behavior. 

The manner in which you respond to people directly affects your stress levels. You can manage your response to people by:

  • Not overcommitting yourself (I still struggle with this one, but I am getting better.)
  • Share responsibility. You are not responsible for everyone nor everything.
  • Adopt the phrase, “I will think about that.”
  • Walk away from a heated situation or step back.

The voice inside your head. 

Nothing affects your stress levels like the voice inside your head. Realize that you can control your inner voice. You can swap negative thoughts for positive ones. The benefits of positive self-talk are:

  • stress reduction,
  • a longer life,
  • lower levels of depression,
  • greater resistance to the common cold,
  • reduced cardiovascular disease and
  • better coping skills.

Laughter

Laughing is good for the soul. You take in more oxygen when you laugh. Your body releases the feel-good hormones. Your heart and lungs get a boost. Your muscles even get a wee workout. Laughter improves your immune system, lessens pain, and improves your mood for long periods time. Get together with those girlfriends and get laughing. Even a good comedy movie can lift your mood.

There are so many ways to manage your stress. This is only a few suggestions to get you moving in the right direction. A few others are Epsom salt baths, drink water, and be creative.

Feel free to share your favourite stress management techniques. We and our community would love to hear them.

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What Is the Truth?

Truth. There is a lot of talk around the word truth. Pontius Pilot asked Jesus, “What is truth?” We want everyone around us to tell us the truth even though we often do not want to hear the truth. Truth can hurt. We do everything we can to avoid hurt. Truth can also set us free. Truth can release the bonds of deceit, even release us from the lies we tell ourselves. You can handle the truth. We can handle the truth because the truth set us free. We are strong enough and courageous to look at the lies, turn them around and seek out the truth.

As much as we tell ourselves lies, we also tell ourselves truths. Can you imagine how different life would be if you decided to live being truthful to yourself?

Your body is your truth detector. You feel lies and truth in your body. The truth will bring you to a place of peace. A lie creates discord, and conflict. In your body a lie looks like an upset stomach. Your throat may be tight urging you to cough or clear your throat. You may experience back pain. Your blood pressure is elevated. Adrenaline pumps through your body.

When one engages in deceit, your respiratory and heart rate increases. You sweat, your mouth goes dry, and your voice can shake. Some of these physiological effects form the basis of the classic lie-detector (polygraph) test. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/pleased-meet-me/202001/the-truth-about-lying-and-what-it-does-the-body

When you lie your body is suffering. When you lie your brain gets overwhelmed and your cortisol level increases. Cortisol creates inflammation. Your memory goes into overdrive trying to remember the lie or the truth. Lying is detrimental to your health according to Arthur Markman Ph.D. Dr. Markman says, “The very second that lie leaves your lips your body releases cortisol into your brain. Just a few minutes later your memory goes into overdrive trying to remember both the lie and the truth. Decision making becomes more difficult and you could even project your discomfort as anger. This is all in the first 10 minutes.”

“The coherence between the heart and the brain brings alignment and decreases stress. Living a lie breaks the alignment. Living the truth strengthens the alignment.” www.heartmath.org

Notre Dame did a research project looking into lying. The study involved 110 volunteers. Half the volunteers agreed to stop lying and the other half received no instruction. At the end of 10 weeks the group that lied less often had 54% fewer mental complaints (like stress or anxiety) and 56% few physical health issues (like headaches or digestive issues). US News, How Lying Affects Your Health.

The jury is in. Lying affects your health. That includes lying to yourself. So, would you agree that lying to yourself needs to change?

Turn off your analytical brain. Converge with your body. When you engage in your head you neglect your emotions and the feelings in your body. Emotions provide a shortcut to your truth. You will feel the truth in your body. You will have a deep sense of peace and your mind will be clear when you begin living life being true to yourself. You will feel a sense of love, a sense of joy. You will be more patient. You will act out of kindness more often. You will have a soulful sense of goodness.

We have one exercise for you to try. This exercise does not take a long time. If you find the exercise difficult to do, be willing to try again later in the day or tomorrow. Keep trying until you become comfortable with this exercise. Have a pen and notebook with you to write down the revelations. If you are not into journaling use the voice recorder on your phone.

The Heart Intention Exercise

Sit or lie down. Get relaxed. If you are tired sitting may be better than laying down. Take a few deep breaths. Make sure your face is soft and your shoulders are away from your ears. Close your eyes. Envision one of your favourite places. It may be by the lake. It may be in the mountains. It may be on a beach. Breathe deep. Take in the surroundings. Smell the air. Hear the sounds. Take the time to go to a still quiet place and listen. Pay attention to your body. Let everything fall away from your consciousness. (This is where I usually fall asleep. 😴) Resist the urge to sleep. Keep in mind that your heart will always tell you the truth. If you have someone with you, they can ask you the following questions. If you are alone, ask them to yourself aloud.

Ask a few questions and wait for the answers.

What is my truth?

What would you have me do?

What would you have me say?

Where am I to go?

Listen.

If you have a belief in God, ask God to reveal His truth about you to you. I asked this question in 2019. I still stand amazed at how He revealed His truth about me to me throughout that year.

The truth is your heart is 60,000 times more powerful than your brain. Attend to your heart. What is your hearts desire? Put your hands on your heart and listen.

The truth is you are loveable.

The truth is whatever you set your mind to; you can achieve.

The truth is you are becoming the woman you are designed to be.

The truth is you are beautiful.

The truth is you are enough just as you are.

The truth is you are intelligent.

The truth is you are of sound mind and body.

The truth is you have a spirit of power and love.

The truth is you are not alone.

The truth is your past is forgivable.

The truth is your emotions matter, especially to you.

The truth is you deserve all the good coming your way.

The truth is there is someone out there that understands.

The truth is what happened yesterday does not need to happen tomorrow.

The truth is you CAN change your life. Change your thoughts, change your life.

The truth is mistakes are opportunities to learn.

The truth is you are responsible for your actions, no one else’s actions.

The truth is we are a community. We are meant for community. Please feel free to say what you feel inside this community.

When you listen to your heart you establish a new baseline to improve your health and emotional experience. Listening to the truth in your heart builds deeper intuition and internal guidance, a new sense of clarity. As you live your truth, feelings of love and compassion create a cascade of positive effects throughout the body such as clear thinking, emotional stability, and better choices. Living your truth creates balance and cooperation instead of competition and stress. https://www.heartmath.org/science/

Every day for the month of December, Rose and Judy are going to do the Heart Intention Exercise. We know we are creating positive change for how we will go into 2023. We invite you to join us on this excursion.

Take 10 minutes to do this Heart Intention Exercise. Feel your life improve as you create coherence.

Share your experience.

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Why Do We Believe the Lies We Tell Ourselves?

In my last blog post, The Lies I Tell Myself I touched briefly on why I believe the lies I tell myself. In this post I will go into a bit more depth. My hopes and prayers are that you will recognize one reason you believe a lie. When you become aware of why you believe lies you can counter them with a new truth and improve the language you use with yourself. Let’s get to it. I will start with the why’s I had in the last blog post.

We do not like something about ourselves (or our situation) and we try to cover it up with a lie. I purposefully wrote “try” because deep down we know the truth and the truth is hard to swallow. A lie preserves my sense of self.

We lie to ourselves because it is comfortable. Telling myself a lie keeps me in my comfort zone. I do not have to break out of the ordinary into unknown territory.

We lie to ourselves because it is convenient. We can keep doing the same thing without having to change anything. Again, this is comfort zone territory.

We lie to ourselves because it makes us feel better. Lying preserves our self-esteem. We want to feel good more than we want to know who our true self is.

We lie to ourselves to avoid responsibility for our actions.

We tell ourselves lies to cover up the mental conflict that occurs when our beliefs do not line up with our actions. This is known as cognitive dissonance. 

 Allow me to expand with a few more reasons to why we believe the lies we tell ourselves.

Lies confirm my position. Some people have the need to be right. In order to be right, they have to lie to affirm their position. That includes lying to themselves. Under these circumstances, to lie to someone else we have to lie to ourselves first. Have you ever found yourself in an argument and said, “you always do that.” Always is a big word meaning at all times. Most people do not “always” do something. More accurately would be “you often do that.” So, is this a lie or a misuse of words? I know for myself when I used this in an argument it was a lie. I would use it to affirm my position and it made me feel superior.

Lies protect us from other fears. We are not often aware of fear in our lives on a daily basis. We use lies to cover up or avoid our fears of inadequacy, loneliness, failure, change, rejection, uncertainty, being judged by others, being excluded, or intimacy to name a few. You tell yourself a lie to protect yourself and maintain a sense of security.

A lie can rationalize the decisions I made. I can tell myself it is the best decision, under the circumstances. This is the “fine line” lie between the truth and lie. I can often justify the decision in a few different ways. In the end I am trying to protect myself from something. Something like not having all the information I needed to make a sound decision, so I made a hasty decision. I do not want to admit I made a hasty decision, so I tell myself it is the best decision.

We believe the lie because you refuse to accept the reality of your situation, so you change it by changing the narrative. This one hits me close to home. I lied to myself about the abuse I experienced at home because I did not want to admit things were as bad as they were. I was very fearful of the future if my marriage failed. I had no idea how I would survive. Lying to myself did not delay the inevitable. It did not delay the threats to my life or the lives of my children. I had to come to terms with the truth.

There is good news. You CAN confront the lies and start living in the truth. The truth is where freedom lives. The bible says, the truth will set you free. Truth certainly sets you free.

To counter a lie there are a few things necessary to keep at the forefront of your mind. The first thing is to be aware. In daily life there are situations that cause you to lie to yourself. Be aware. You do lie to yourself. Ask yourself,

Where am I?

Who am I with?

Am I lying to make someone feel better or make myself feel better?

How do I feel right now?

These few questions can be answered quickly in any situation or in retrospect. Whenever you stop to answer these four questions you can determine your truth and choose to act differently now and in the future.

Set boundaries. You knew boundaries would rise to the surface eventually. They have to so here we are with a brief note on boundaries. Boundaries protect us. Boundaries are the decisions you make, in advance, to act in a certain way, remove yourself from situations or decline certain people or situations. There are good books on boundaries. My favorites are BOUNDARIES by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and BOUNDARIES: WHERE YOU END AND I BEGIN by Anne Katherine, M.A. Andy Stanley has a great series on Guardrails. I encourage you to listen to the whole series.

Start small. No one can change everything all at once. They say the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Changing the way, you talk to yourself is the same. Determine one lie you tell yourself. Figure out why you tell yourself the lie. Are you protecting yourself? Are you protecting someone else? Are you acting out of fear? Once you have defined the lie you now have the power to tell yourself the truth. You will need to tell yourself the truth over and over again. Do not get discouraged if you slip. After a period of time, you will notice that you no longer believe the lie. You may not even remember the lie. The amount of time it takes is as unique as you are. Be patient. Remember this is a journey not a sprint.

Learn acceptance. Yes, I am talking to me as much as to you. We are often more accepting of others than we are of ourselves. Accepting the truth can be challenging. Learning to accept the truth can be tough. Learning the truth is a gateway to valuable lessons. I can guarantee you that facing the truth is worth it. When you accept yourself for who you are your world becomes beautiful. I would rather live accepting all of me than I would living a lie. How about you?

Overcome lies by becoming the observer. Observe yourself. Be present in the moments of your life. Introspections does not require a retreat or a quiet place. We can do it moment by moment. Be aware of how you are feeling. Ask yourself why are you feeling this way? Open the places that rarely get the light. Be brave and courageous. You can change your story. You can change your narrative. There is power in making choices. There is power in choosing to do something different, to be someone different.

Finally, stop justifying. Stop making excuses and justifying what you tell yourself. Dig deeper to figure out why you are lying to yourself. Check the vocabulary you use with yourself. In the Ted Talk Carolyn Myss presented on Choices That Can Change Your Life, she says the following.

“Finally, make this choice. Choose to get up every day and bless your day. Choose to get up every single day and bless your day. And you say I have no idea what is going to be in my day, but it is blessed, why? Because I am alive. And do not base your gratitude for your life on what you have or how you feel. But just because you are. Just because you are. Just because you are. And then hold in your heart this prayer. This day of my life will never come again. I will never see the people I am looking at again. I will never see this sunrise again and I will never see that sunset. I will never see the person having breakfast with me again. Just this way. You know, nothing in my life like this will ever come again. That alone, that choice alone should take out of your heart every bitter taste there is. That it should shape the life around you with such grace and such beauty. That will make you only want to see the present with great gratitude.”

Our next blog post will be on THE TRUTH. As much as we tell ourselves lies, we also tell ourselves some truths. There are truths you need to know. Judy and I are looking forward to revealing this post to you. See you next time in Wounded Women Rising.

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The Lies I Tell Myself

The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. Richard Bach

Oh my gosh. How can I say you tell lies to yourself? I can say that because it is 100% true. We all lie to ourselves because lies are often easier to live with than the truth.  We will not accept lies from others. We will accept lies we tell ourselves all the time. When we live in a lie, we must tell another lie to uphold the original lie. And then another lie, and another lie and another lie. We lose sight of who we are. When we live our authentic true selves, we are happier, and healthier. We can love on others without losing sight of who we are. Love lives in the truth. Love dies in a lie.

We tell ourselves lies because we do not like something about ourselves and we try to cover it up with a lie such as, “it is not that bad.” Have you ever injured yourself and told someone you are fine when you know you are not fine? You have lied to the person who asked and to yourself. If you hurt, you need help. Telling someone you are fine is a sure-fire way to not get the help you need. Why would you do that?

We lie to ourselves because it is comfortable. We do not have to face the hard truth.

We lie to ourselves because it is convenient. We can keep doing the same thing without having to change anything.

We lie to ourselves because it makes us feel better. Lying preserves our self-esteem.

We lie to ourselves to avoid responsibility for our actions.

We tell ourselves lies to cover up the mental conflict that occurs when our beliefs do not line up with our actions. This is known as cognitive dissonance. “Leon Festinger’s cognitive dissonance theory suggests that we have an inner drive to hold all our attitudes and beliefs in harmony and avoid disharmony (or dissonance)”. To maintain harmony, we tell ourselves a lie. Until we live in the truth of who we are, and our actions line up with that we cannot be free to be who we are.

How do you know you are lying to yourself?

Lying to yourself can show up with physical symptoms such as stress, anxiety, digestive issues, and pain. The physical symptoms are messages, and you should pay attention. For example, you have a friend that calls you regularly to vent and complain. When you see her number on your phone you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know you do not want to talk to her. You know she drains your energy. You know she is not interested in what is happening in your life. You know you will be awake for hours after the call trying to figure out ways to help her. But you tell yourself she needs someone and that someone is you. The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach is telling you something different than the rationalization you have made in your mind. The rationalization is a lie. Your gut knows the truth. It is better for your mental health not to answer the call and let it go to voicemail. Imagine what you could do with the extra hour or two. You could rest, prepare lunch for tomorrow, finish your laundry or finish reading the book you would normally put down when you answer her call. The truth of the matter is your friend will move on to someone else when you stop being at her disposal.  She is not interested in you. She wants someone to listen so she can vent. It really does not matter if that someone is you.

When you lie to yourself you are running away from something. It is difficult to admit, however, that sensation to flee is you running from the truth. What are you trying to escape from? A thought? A realization? A harsh truth? There is something just outside our reach, in the dark and you do not like it. You distract yourself and you do not know why. You must escape, but you do not know why.

Lies show up when you justify someone else’s behaviour. This is common in the abused woman. We tell ourselves we deserved to be hit. We tell ourselves that “he’s just blowing off steam.” We tell ourselves it will change. We tell ourselves we just need to do x y z and it will not happen again. Justifying their behaviour is easier than facing the truth and making the tough decisions.

Lies show up when you justify your own behaviour. You lie when you tell yourself “I am just feeling a little stressed” or “I have no other options.” These lies are very deceptive. It allows you to believe that you have good reason. You are making excuses and being consciously oblivious.

Have you ever experienced having a rigid attitude? Do others consider you to be narrow-minded? Do you play the blame game? Must you always be right? If you answered yes to any of these questions you are a victim of lying to yourself. Engaging in any of these behaviours hides a tremendous amount of fear. You live in an altered reality.

Have you ever felt inauthentic? Have you ever wondered if they found out who you really are they would not like you? Do you feel fake? The truth is you have lost touch with who you really are. You go places you do not want to go. You make friends with people you do not like. You buy things you cannot afford. You laugh when a joke is not funny. You are spending more time pleasing others than doing what brings you pleasure. This is inauthentic living and a lie.

You are believing a lie when you say any of the following to yourself.

  • Everything is going to be okay. (There are times everything is not going to be okay.)
  • Their success is my failure. (It is their success. You are still working on yours. Celebrate their success.)
  • I will be happy when… (when is a person place or thing. When they happen in your life the bliss does not last, and you are on to the next I will be happy when…)
  • If I am not busy, I am not working hard enough. (This is pure B.S. Busy distracts us from the things that really matter.)
  • I do not have enough time for that. (We always make time for what is important to us.)
  • I am a bad person if I say no. (Saying no does not make you bad or good. Saying no is respecting your boundaries and taking care of yourself.)
  • Everyone else has it all together. (You have no way of knowing what others are going through. We can all put on a good front and be dying inside.)
  • If I fix this one thing, life will be good. (This is like I will be happy when. When never comes and stays for the rest of your life.)
  • It does not matter. (If you are saying it does matter. You are trying to convince yourself otherwise.)
  • They will forget about it. (They may forget what you did. People never forget the way you make them feel.)
  • Love goes both ways. (This is a fairy tale, a story. Love is sacrificial. You are blessed if love is flowing in both directions. It is not a law.)
  • I am setting myself up for disappointment. (Henry Ford said, if you say you can or you say can’t, you are right. The way you talk to yourself can be the difference between success and failure.)
  • If I do that people will expect more of me. (People will only expect as much as you are willing to give or convince them of. You determine how much of yourself to give away.)
  • I am being selfish. (Selfishness is a tool for self care. Selfish is putting boundaries in place to protect your mental and physical health. Selfish is not bad. Everything can be extreme. When everything is always about me me me, yes, it is selfish. The best life is in relationship with others. Thinking only of yourself all the time is selfish and damaging to your relationships.)

Check in on our next blog post. We will be talking about replacing the lies with truth and living an authentic life. Until then, can you identify two lies you tell yourself on a regular basis? Can you discern what the truth is and stop telling yourself the lie?

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Where Do Lies Come From?

We live in a world where ideas, thoughts, images, and concepts are continually presented to us. Media, institutions, social moirés, social groups, work environments, culture and family beliefs all influence our perception of self. In our current world, there are so many lies that are propagated, it can be difficult to ascertain the truth.

“There is no definition for a lie that serves to make it true. Nor can there be a truth that lies conceal effectively. “A Course In Miracles

In the tobacco industry, Phillip Morris marketed to consumers in the 1950s that their cigarettes were healthy. Whole product lines were created and sold based on the lie. When the FDA determined tobacco products caused illness, the company put filters on their products. The filters contained carcinogens including asbestos. Today tobacco companies market their products to the tune of $28 Billion of profit, as an individual choice by informed adults. Given the overwhelming evidence that tobacco products cause illness and even death, why would people believe the marketing?

To condition a response in an individual or in a group of people, repetition is key. Often our initial response is to say that is not true.   With enough repetition, coupled with pressure to conform from outside influences, doubt can begin to erode our internal compass. We go along to get along. This can be foolhardy and extremely dangerous.

Lies are often presented as a distorted truth. But we know truth is pure, unpolluted and without stain. Truth does no harm.

Where do lies come from? Lies are external influences that try to impact our internal alignment. Three questions to ask yourself when confronted with a lie.

Who is saying this?

What is their motivation?

Will I allow it to impact me?

Nellie McClung, a Women’s Institute Member and one of the women responsible for getting women a vote in Canada is quoted as saying “I want to leave something behind when I go. Some small legacy of truth: some word that will shine in a dark place.” Nellie knew that a lie that was being promoted. The lie was, “women are not smart enough, women are too fragile, women are too hysterical, and that nice women did not vote.” The lie needed to be dissolved when brought into the light of the truth. Thank you, Nellie for the strength of your commitment to the truth.

What lies are you believing that no longer serve your internal alignment?

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The Story before the Story… the Apple Incident

For the past week or more, I have been trying to write an article on lies. Lying and where do lies come from. I have been stuck in my writing process. I also have had severe back pain. I go to my first area of relief which is PureBioenergy Healing Therapy. The thing about PureBioenergy Healing Therapy is that it heals on all levels. This means the emotional, mental, and spiritual areas of our being are addressed as well as the physical.

In this process of healing, I uncover a lie that I have been living. I chose to leave my “past life” as I call it in the past. I thought that if I don’t think about it anymore, it will not affect me. In some ways, this is true. I do not have the anxiety I experienced prior to leaving my ex-husband. I present outwardly as someone who can make decisions, albeit in a slower fashion than most. I have a quick wit and enjoy making people laugh.

I am a sensitive. One of those people who feels things deeply. When someone shares their story, I can truly empathize. The month of October holds some strong emotional ties for me. My first marriage was in October, my beautiful daughter was born in October. And the apple incident happened in October.

When my daughter was in kindergarten, there was a bright sunny Saturday morning. My then husband had gone out with his friends on a motorcycle ride which was often his Saturday and Sunday morning routine. My friend, Maryon had invited my daughter and myself to go with her and her daughters to an apple orchard to pick apples. My ex-husband knew we were going to the orchard.

It was a beautiful, warm sunny day. The girls enjoyed picking the apples off the shorter trees and finding ripe red ones on the ground. My daughter and I picked a full bushel of apples. I was excited to have them to eat fresh as a snack. I make a great apple pie, with my Mom’s pie crust recipe, and apple crisp was often a breakfast food in my house.

Maryon’s daughters were older than my daughter. They wanted us to join them at the Spooky Farm which was a farm with a haunted house exhibit and where one could buy pumpkins.

I had tried to phone my ex to let him know we would be out later than originally planned. I Knew this was important. He did not answer the call. I knew it was close to lunch time and I had not left him a suitable lunch. My daughter and I had eaten enough apples, so we were not hungry. We headed out with our friends to the Spooky Farm. I did not realize how far away from our home this Spooky Farm was, having never been there.

I had a feeling of dread as I realized the time was now much later than I had said I would be home. We stayed a very short time at the farm. My daughter was now starting to pick up on my anxiety. She was happy to leave the Spooky Farm. We drove home. As soon as I drove up the driveway, I knew we were in trouble.

My ex-husband was furious that I had not been home when he got home from his ride. He was swearing at us before we got into the house. He sent my daughter upstairs to her room.

I had carried the bushel of apples we had picked into the kitchen. In his rage, he proceeded to throw every apple from the bushel at me. I could not talk to him or stop the madness. I had round apple shaped bruises on my back, my legs, my arms for weeks afterward. The beautiful red apples we so carefully picked, were splattered all over the kitchen. Every single apple was thrown. Then he left. I cleaned up all the smashed apples. Those that were salvageable I made into apple sauce. Months later I would find bits of dried apple under the fridge.

I never went apple picking again.

The irony is that I was worried that someone might find out what had happened. That I had made my husband that angry. I did not want my daughter to tell her teacher or anyone what had happened. I did not tell anyone till years later in therapy.

I share this story now because the shame, fear, anxiety I had that day, I know is felt by another woman. I know my daughter carries the pain of that day.


We are not responsible for someone else’s misplaced anger. We did nothing wrong. We do not need to lie to cover the pain caused by another’s actions. It happened. It is true. It is sad. It is so sad that a beautiful, sunny fall day has such a blight on it. The smell of fresh picked apple is bittersweet to me.

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Correcting Conflicted Values

When our values are conflicted our spirit resonance is restricted. We turn this around when we become brave enough to look in the mirror and ask the tough questions that we hear pinging around in our soul. Tranquility comes from dropping into your heart. Get away from the chaos to a place of quiet. It does not have to be a weekend getaway. 30 minutes is a good start. As you get comfortable with the quiet you can start asking yourself questions. Questions such as

What would you have me see?

What do I need to know?

These two questions start the conversation with your deepest self. Have a pen and paper with you to jot down your insights, the answers to your questions. More questions will come. Allow them to come. Acknowledge them and wait for the answers. You are having a conversation with your deepest self. You know, the one stuffed so far down you do not recognize her. This is a process. Be gracious with yourself. You are getting to know an old friend, the little girl inside you. She is shy. Give her time to come out and sit with you. Be patient.

You need to know you are divine, worthy. You are loved. When you get away from fear love expands. When our values are conflicted, we see our world getting smaller. This is an illusion. The reality is we are infinite. When we change our way of thinking everything around us changes. The number one thing is to value yourself. You are of value. You are love. Out of love comes faith. Faith for a future. Faith to make a change, a baby step or a leap, a leap of faith. You will not see the outcome of your change until you make it. Henry Ford said, “If we believe we can or believe we can’t, we are right.” It is the belief that creates the outcome. Dr. Bruce Lipton’s work proves it is not the medicine that heals it the belief that the medicine will provide healing that heals.

When you realize you are a thought of God you are a created being. You are love incarnate. You expand. You forgive. You simply cannot hold onto the discomfort, the hurt, the ego because it no longer fits with who you are. We are all cracked, wounded egos. Let the ego go. Open you hand and release the illusion of what we think we are. Know in your whole being that goodness runs through you. Forgive. Align with your divinity. Align with the magnificent sacred part of who you are. You are excellent, delightful, superb, pleasing, attractive and eternal. You have a knowing by inspiration, intuition and insight. Live your life through the love that you truly are. Let your love lens show you your worth, your value, your intention and, your purpose.

We would love to hear your comments and get to know you. This is an interactive forum. Enjoy the day and all of it’s blessings.

Rose and Judy

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What Happens When Our Values Are Conflicted

When we conflict with our values, we are not whole. We are not well. When our values are conflicted, we are not grounded. We flit about. Pulled this way. Pushed that way. When our values are conflicted, we are influenced by others’ opinions and trends. When our values are conflicted, we can be indecisive, unsure, and misled.

Our values connect our heart and our head. We need to be clear on our values, the ones imprinted on our hearts. You can tell your head anything, but you cannot tell your heart just anything. Your heart knows. When our heart and our head are conflicted, it creates incoherence. We are confused and unclear of who we are and what we are doing. Living outside our values is living a lie.

When our values are conflicted our spirit resonance is restricted. A spirit resonance is when our purpose is task and spiritually oriented. We honour ourselves and others and we care for all things. “Living in a spiritual resonance is fun, positive, enlightening, spiritual, bonding, caring, and validating. It is safe, meaningful, hopeful, compassionate, educational, inviting, engaging, connected, authentic, and provocative.” (https://www.taosinstitute.net/files/Content/5692967/whitney_AI-Creating-Spiritual-Resonance.pdf)  Imagine living your life outside of these beautiful values.

Our internal world compass conflicts with what we are presenting to the external world. The internal compass is the part of you that is your soul. This part of you is all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful, creative, and limitless. When you connect to your inner compass you are fearless, confident, and calm. When your values are conflicted, you experience separation from your soul. Fears, anxiety, and self-doubt take control. You wear masks to present yourself to the world. Your true self is hiding, and you become a shell of your person resulting in depression.

In an abusive relationship you pretend it is not so bad. You quiet the conflicting values. Whenever there is abuse in a relationship trust is broken and sadly one of the biggest trust issues is trusting ourselves. When we let others make our decisions, we learn to distrust our own structures and beliefs. You distrust what you know to be true. When you distrust what you know to be true your foundation is shattered. You second guess most or all your decisions. How can you improve your daily life when each moment is shifting? You struggle to find your footing.

Another emotion that appears with conflicted values is fear. This one is H U G E for most of us. We often react from a place of fear. Fear isolates us from our own emotions and other people, tasks, or things. A threat of losing something is present and we act out of fear. Fear rises when a need of ours will possibly go unfulfilled. Fear can also emerge from memories. Have you ever said, “I’ve seen this before.” or “Here we go again.”? These phrases come out of memories and our fears appear as present and threatening.

Other emotions that appear with conflicted values are frustration and hurt. Values are at the root of all frustration and hurt. The frustrations and hurts are more about what value of ours has been challenged. I was often frustrated in my marriage because my husband procrastinated. Was I frustrated because of his procrastination and incomplete project and chores? I thought so before I did some work with values. I realized I was frustrated because I value integrity and play time. Work not getting done equaled my missing play time. That was unacceptable. I believe play time is essential to a healthy body, mind, and spirit. Play time puts me in touch with my inner child. And I like my inner child a lot!

Our next blog post will give actions on ways to correct conflicted values.

We look forward to reading your comments. Do you have a burning issue you would like us to address? Post it in the comments below. We are here to serve you.

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How Do Our Values Show Up In Our Lives?

Now that we have established what our values are, let’s look at how they affect us. Values are our guide posts.  They guide our behavior. Values are the principles, ideals and standards that impact our belief about ourselves and the world. They are the non-conscious record playing in the
background of our psyche, that imprints on how we think and act.  

For example “Have a grateful heart”  is a simple statement one hears often.  What exactly does that mean?  Why would it matter if one is grateful or not?   If we carry the value of gratitude, it helps us to appreciate the many gifts, opportunities, blessings, and challenges that meet us in this life.  It opens us up to be more generous.  Through gratitude we discover true appreciation for our friends, family, life, and our circumstances, even if they are challenging. Gratitude gives you a lens through which you view everything.  

We are bombarded with external messages from the media, that try to influence us to feel we are lacking.  When one holds the value of confidence,  we know we are enough.   We can be content in all things.  That does not mean we are not open for growth.  The quote from Socrates, “The unexamined life in not worth living” reminds us to look at what we value.  Our actions are often determined by our
unconscious mind.

Pause. Reflect. Consider.  Why did I respond in that fashion?  What is my underlying belief? What value do I hold that feels like it is incoherent? What values do I hold, that make me feel empowered?   Why does this situation make me feel so angry? So Hopeful? So, Inspired? Be Patient with yourself and with others.  Give the space needed to examine why you feel, act, re-act, think, judge or not judge. 

Remember when we learned to cross the street.  Stop. Look. Listen.  As we go along our life path, yes sometimes it feels like a super highway.  Stop. Look. Listen.  Pause. Reflect. Consider.  Listen to your inner compass, your inner guidance system, your spirit.  It knows what is right for you.  

Values are enduring beliefs that help a person decide what is right or wrong and what is detrimental. Values give structure to the goals we strive for and what personal qualifications to develop. What do you want to create in your world?  What values do you hold that will align with that creation. Kindness, compassion, abundance, fortitude, gratitude, purity, humour.  Add your values to the list.

That which we think about expands.  Energy goes where consciousness flows.  Let’s examine our values, select the ones we want to lean into.  Pick out the ones that no longer serve us.  Be conscious of why we do what we do.  Choose. Choose With Wisdom.   

Comment on what value you hold, how it shows up in your life.  What do you love about that? What would you change?

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Where Do Values Come From?

Values are passed down through generations. Geography plays a role in our values. Parents play a role in our values. Extended families play a role in our values. Friends, teachers, coaches, television, radio, music all play a role in the formation of our values. Religion or other systems of belief plays a role in the formation of our values.

Our family values come from our social circles and the cultures we grew up in. I grew up in a Catholic neighbourhood, went to a catholic school and was married in a catholic church. I adopted values from my catholic upbringing such as:

Thankfulness

Compassion

Peace

Wisdom

Hope

Humility

Generosity

Courage

Love

Respect

I have adopted values by being born a Canadian, such as:

Fairness

Diversity

Equality

Inclusion

Health

Safety

Democracy

Sustainability

I have adopted values from life experiences, such as:

Freedom

Purpose

Responsibility

Integrity

Clarity

Self respect

Empathy

Playfulness

Wonder

Strength

Consider in what country you were born. Consider your family, parents, siblings, and grandparents. Consider where you went to church or why you did not go to church. What values did you pick up?

If you are from America, you may value individualism, materialism, and achievement.

If you are from Latin America, you may value family, respect, and honour.

If you are Asian, you may value education, respect of authority and hierarchy and unity.

As an African you may value hospitality, morality, and time.

A Christian may value compassion, humility, and love.

A Taoist may value kindness, simplicity, and modesty.

A follower of Judaism may value respect, fairness, and community.

If you grew up in a family that valued time together, you may have adopted that value. If your family of origin valued travel, then you too may have adopted that value and plan regular excursions. If your family didn’t value travel, then you may have adopted the value of travel because you are “not going to live like they did”.

What experiences have you had in life? Did a close friend die young? An event like this can instill a value of living in the moment with a heightened sense of gratefulness. Have you been cheated on?  A life event like this can instill a value of fidelity or loyalty. Did you get fired from a job unjustly? Your value of loyalty or trust would take a hit.  I am sure you get my point.

Who are you? What have you experienced?

The answer to these questions forms your

personality,

your guiding moral foundations,

your attributes,

and your mental toolkit.

These inform your values, what you care about or not, whether you think about it or not.

Your values inform your decisions and actions.

Our values are on display constantly as we interact with others, choose the programs we watch, choose career paths and pass judgement on ourselves and others. How could interactions with others influence your values? Imagine for a moment you are in the grocery store. You are choosing oranges from the bin when you hear a man interacting with his wife. He is loud and commenting on the fact that she is spending too much money, those are too expensive, can we leave yet and on and on it goes. You glance over at them. You catch her eye and offer that look between women that says “I’m sorry” without having to say a word. You sneer at him. He misses it. In your mind you say, “I’m glad my husband doesn’t act like that in public.” You have displayed two of your values, compassion, and propriety.

Your values come into play each time you pick up the remote to watch a television program. Are you going to watch that movie with mild pornography or tune into a Disney movie? Did you choose a career path in finance? You could choose to help people with their money, or you can choose to make money for yourself. And on and on it goes, a lot of it unconsciously.

Our values influence E V E R Y T H I N G in our lives and they come from our families, our cultures, and our life experiences.

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WHAT ARE VALUES?

I would like to ask, how many of us have spent time defining our values? We go about our lives with a set of rules for our behaviour and the behaviour of others. We all have an innate knowing of right and wrong, but do we ever question what we believe or why we think this way?

Values are the individual beliefs that motivate us to act in specific ways. Values are a guide for our behavior. There are two types of values: personal values and cultural values. Personal values are our own beliefs about right and wrong. Cultural values are those that we accept by the societies we grow up in. These values vary by both place and context and are just as powerful as personal values. Religious and company values are examples of cultural values. Types of personal values include individual values and group values – such as groups of friends or family.

Some values have fundamental worth, such as love, truth, and freedom. “Other values, such as ambition, responsibility, and courage, describe traits or behaviors that are instrumental as means to an end.” (“Values – Ethics Unwrapped”) Intrinsic values are those which are rewarding, such as creativity, social justice, and connection with nature. Extrinsic values are centered on external approval or rewards, such as wealth, social status, self image, and personal security. “Other values are considered sacred and are moral imperatives for those who believe in them.” (“Values – Ethics Unwrapped”) Consider your religious values, spiritual values, or patriotic values. Sacred values will seldom be compromised.

Values are universally recognized as a driving force in all decision-making. Ethical decision-making involves weighing values against each other and choosing which values to elevate. Conflicts result when people have different values, leading to a clash of preferences and priorities. For example, my ex-husband would help friends on occasion. I used to get upset when he would lend a helping hand fully expecting to get something in return. I could not believe he did nothing for others out of the kindness of his heart. I figured out that I valued serving others with no expectation of anything in return.

Values and beliefs drive everything we think, feel, drive, wear, our reactions, what we say and what we do. Two people can look at the same event and see thing completely different. The difference is beliefs and values. What you believe about a situation and what you value makes you see things differently. If you value something and want more of it, you have linked it to pleasure. If you value something and think it is something to avoid, you have linked it to pain.

“Each person is unique, and we value things differently. This can be source of conflict or comfort. We are comfortable around people who have similar values and are usually in conflict with those whose values are different. We move toward what give us pleasure and away from what gives us pain.”       (Source: Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within Chapter 59)

Values affect our personal relationships. We bring a set of rules into every connection we make. Rules bring expectations. We have pet peeves and ideas of how things “should” be. Sometimes these rules are valid, other times they are trivial. We tend to impose our personal values on others without telling them about our expectations or needs. Disappointment and frustration are always the result. Have you ever thought or said something like, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do that?” That is a value that we expect others to follow. Have you ever been upset because someone did not do something they said they would do? You were upset because your value of integrity was compromised.

Here are a few EXAMPLES OF VALUES

Learning: If you are constantly finding ways to feed your mind with new information and enjoy talking to others so you can discover more about them, learning is likely one of your important personal values.

Individuality: Do you “march to the beat of your own drummer” and reject the status quo? If you define yourself strictly by your own standards and consistently disregard what others believe is the “right way” to live your life, you value individuality.

Independence: The concept of freedom, including physical, emotional, or financial freedom, is important to you. You live a life where the only limit is yourself and you pull from your strength and perseverance to make things happen.

Generosity: If one of your personal values is generosity, you embody the belief that the secret to living is giving and you likely spend time volunteering, donating, or finding other ways to give back.

Knowing the answer to the question, “What are your values?” and being able to define our own personal set of rules is essential to building healthy, long-term relationships. When our values do not complement those around us, conflict often develops. And when our rules become unreasonable and make our relationships more difficult, then we need to evaluate and consider re-shaping our beliefs and values, so they create more harmony. Please note, that it is not always up to you to reshape your beliefs and values. Relationships are a two-road highway, not a one-way street. It is never wrong to evaluate and consider our values. It is wrong to change your values and beliefs based on the opinions of others without taking time for consideration and evaluation.

Check in next week for our next installment on values, “Where Do Values Come From?”

Do you have a comment, something to ad or an insight? We would love to hear what you have to say.

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We are all wounded women at some level. Sometimes the wounds can be seen. Sometimes the wounds of the heart can only be felt but influence us in our thoughts and the way we act daily. True healing comes with a change in the way we think, act and live. Your thoughts become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your life. 

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