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Handling Life
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The Perfect Gift

This is traditionally the season of giving. In the world in which we live, there can be an external pressure to perceive that giving must have a financial cost to it. The idea of the bigger the better is really promoted at this time of year.

I remember when I was in the financial planning industry, sitting with clients who had repeatedly accumulated debt every holiday season. In an attempt to provide the perfect holiday, and the perfect gifts they exceeded their means.  The cost of the debt, which compounded with interest, increased exponentially causing a huge amount of stress on the families. The interest on credit cards, or even lines of credit add up quickly to a great deal of money. An expenditure which brings us no value. Parents worked extra hours, took on secondary incomes, which increased their stress levels, resulting in time away from their families, and feeling exhausted and grouchy when they were with their family. No time left for friends or enjoying the moment. Stress takes a physical toll on our bodies, minds, emotions, and energy.

Ironically, kids don’t really remember that trending toy – that eventually and inevitably gets relegated to the back of the closet.  I recently had a conversation with our 25-year-old son, and what he remembered was the year we had a sleigh ride with real horses and our friend Gail’s, German shepherd dog named Bear who kept our feet warm by sitting on us. That was a great day.

The best gift you can give is the gift of you. Your time, your talent, your attention, your love, your presence. To be fully present, put your phone down and lift your face up. We connect with each other though sight, sound, and touch. And smell, the limbic part of the brain is directly connected to the olfactory glands of the nose. The limbic system is a group of structures in the brain that governs emotions, motivation, olfaction, and behavior. It is also involved in the formation of long-term memory.

This is why certain scents can trigger memories. What scent do you affiliate with the holidays?

Here are some ideas on how you can create a holiday memory that will give significant receiver appreciation, without sending your bank account into receivership.

Think Outside the Box

We often overlook the gifts we have to offer. What skill do you possess that can benefit another person?

Giving a few lessons in what you love to do can impact another person in such a significant way. Can you play the guitar? The piano or drums? What about showing your teenager how to prepare a meal from scratch? One on one time with them and no other siblings. Play music, theirs, and yours while you are cooking up some jambalaya in the kitchen.

Baking, music making, craft time, woodworking, soap making, crocheting, sewing, knitting, stained glass, coin collecting, painting both for art and a room. The list is endless. These are all activities that you can do together, where the beneficiary of the activity reaps dividends. They get time with you, building relationships, learn a new skill which they can continue to use or even teach to someone else.

Take a course together. Find a workshop that interests you both.

Exercise with your loved one. The month my daughter and I did a remote yoga class together was fantastic.

Do a charitable activity together. Gift wrapping at the mall, food delivery, so many charities need help.

As the interest in whole foods increases, showing a loved one the art of gardening brings edible rewards from May to November. The thrill of tasting that first crunchy sweet carrot planted from seed, watered, tilled, then harvested, and washed under the hose is amazing.

Many grandparents are choosing to take the grandchildren on an outing or an experience instead of a under the tree type gift. Rose taught her grandchildren to ski. One at a time.

She also took the 4 of them to an indoor water park. Giving a child-free weekend to her kids, while having a fabulous fun whale of a time with the little ones.

This idea of gifting time and talent can flow up hill as well. Most kids today are experts on their computers and their phones. Those skills are now needed by the grandparents as almost everything is done on-line now. An hour or two of computer lessons will add more value to grannie’s life than another cardigan.

Time outside is essential too. Walk in nature, go see the Lights, play in the snow, or on the beach depending on where you live. Play outdoor games with each other. My neighbour organized a circuit training course for her two boys so they can exercise together, while apart. Physical activity burns off tension and anxiety. It creates laughter so moods improve, and everyone gets along better when they are in the groove.

Learn to give a great massage. Hand massages are so appreciated by people who spend hours on the keyboard. Foot/ reflexology massages relax the whole body, improve sleep, reduce stress and most people love them. Couple it with a custom aromatherapy blend and the experience is sheer bliss. FYI, I can teach you this.

If you know a tradesman and your mom needs a new kitchen cabinet, can you trade skills such as an hour or two organizing for some cabinet making? Think creatively.

Granted some of these ideas may be a bit late for this season. But an idea shared is never lost. It increases in the sharing.

Let’s look at Value. Time with a loved one is the most valuable thing. Period. Often, we don’t recognize this until our loved one is gone. I wish I could bake one more pie with my Mom or learn to be a better photographer or listen to my Dad play the harmonica. Time goes by quickly. We do not know how much time we get. Use your time wisely.

The pride of accomplishment, the life skill learned, the time together, the laughter, the love and that joy, unending joy is in the gift. Give the gift of you. It is the perfect gift.

Personal Practices
Featured

HEARTS DESIRE

The amount of sunshine is decreasing here is the Northern Hemisphere. We are coming into a new season.  The season of winter can affect us in many external ways.  As I write this, I inhale some essential oil of peppermint to keep my focus, and some essential oil of orange to lift my mood and remind me of the joy within. 

The preparation and celebration of Christmas is a part of the winter experience.  I can remember my Mom putting the Christmas wish list up on the wall in our kitchen, in mid-month of November. It was above the cat corner, the area where the cats were fed. It was placed there as a reminder for us children to keep the cat’s dishes clean. Responsibility and reward, but that is a blog for another day.

We could put whatever we wanted on the Wish List.  There were 7 squares and one square had a star on it.  In that square you put what you most wanted or desired. There was not a guarantee that you would get the gift you most desired, but my Mom and Dad assured us, we could write whatever we wanted in that space. I remember excitedly flipping through the Sears catalogue, trying to decide what it is was that I really wanted.

I recall this story for you as we come to the close of the year because it is beneficial to pause, reflect and ask ourselves “What do I really, really want?” In the next few weeks, we will be bombarded with ads, flyers, commercials on Facebook, Instagram, TV, and your phone. It has already started – the attempt to entice us to buy the next big thing. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that the world of commerce depends on people buying stuff.  Yes, companies manufacture, and market many items supplying jobs for many people.

What I am contemplating here is the internal verses the external.  At a time when in many ways we can choose anything, what is it that we want? So often our lives and decisions are based upon what other’s want.  What must we do to please someone else? What is expected of me? If it pleases us to be of service to another, that is great and fulfilling.  If we are doing so out of obligation, societal expectation or with a martyr complex, this is not good for us. It creates a dissonance which affects us at a cellular level.

If you could have anything, what would it be?

You get to choose.  You can choose something that is different from what the culture is telling you is important.  You can choose what is right for you. It takes focus, intention, even meditation to find what it is we are seeking.   You may need to get away from the noise so you can truly ask yourself “What do I desire?” and wait to listen for the answer. The concept of “Ask and you will receive” is a universal truth.  The wisdom and love that exists in your heart, will bring you the answer you seek.

I have even discovered that when I ask for help, or counsel, or advice to make the right decision, it comes and often quite quickly.  The trick is to ask.  We also need to quiet our mind so we can hear the answer.

Let’s do a little mental exercise. 

Find a comfortable place to sit.   Sit on the floor with your legs crossed or in a chair/couch with your feet on the floor. Grab a blanket or cushion so as to be comfortable. Turn off your electronics.  Read this part first, then turn off your electronics.

  • Take a deep breath and exhale.
  • Inhale and exhale being conscious of your breath.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Allow your shoulders to drop down, relaxing your jaw, neck and face.
  • Feel the breath extend to your abdomen.
  • Think of a beautiful space, perhaps a garden or a seaside. 
  • Feel the peace of that environment.
  • Immerse yourself in the beauty of that space.
  • Inhale the scents, feel the breeze, touch the plants, trees, or water.
  • Feel relaxed and peaceful.
  • In a calm voice, ask yourself,  What do I desire?
  • Rest comfortably and wait.

You may get a picture in your mind.  You may get a feeling. You may get a word. It is unique to you and for you.

Breath calmly.

When you are ready, leave your imagined garden or beach.  As you come back to conscious surroundings, remember you can go back to the garden of your mind anytime.  Well, not while you are driving, but whenever you feel you want to experience that peace, calm, and the wisdom that is there.

This is one technique that Rose and I use to calm our minds so we can create our purpose driven work.  Purebioenergy Healing Therapy is used to calm the mind, release pain and tension and heal all levels to create wholeness.  I made the decision to be a Certified Purebioenergy Healing Therapist because what I really, really want is to serve people by helping others and myself heal.  As we heal our internal wounds, we open our hearts to live at our fullest potential.  Rose and I know that by educating, encouraging and elevating those who are struggling to overcome the effects experienced after a traumatic life event serves so many people.  It brings us joy to do so.  It is our heart’s desire.

Go and make your own wish list with many squares and stars on it.   In one of the squares, write your heart’s desire. This is the season to rejoice.

Blog Posts Handling Life
Featured

Stress Management

Oh My Gosh. Yes, we are going to talk about stress management. And not just because the holidays are upon us. Stress management is something we want to be doing all the time. Stress hormones like cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine are necessary to our fight and flight response. When the stress hormones are in overdrive, they can wreak havoc in the body. Symptoms of elevated stress hormones can include any of the following:

  • Fatigue,
  • Irritability,
  • Headaches,
  • Intestinal problems, such as constipation, bloating or diarrhea,
  • Anxiety or depression,
  • Weight gain,
  • Increased blood pressure,
  • Low libido, problems with regular ovulation or menstrual periods, inability to orgasm,
  • Difficulty recovering from exercise,
  • Poor sleep,
  • Muscle pain or tension in the head, neck, jaw, or back,
  • Lack of focus and inability to make decisions.

None of this sounds like something I want to engage in. However, I have and still dance with a few from time to time. Even though stress is part of the human condition you do not have to keep it living under your roof indefinitely. Think of stress as that family member or friend who does not know when to leave. Eventually you have to do something.

We can manage our stress. There are high stress situations in life such as job loss, death in the family, divorce, trauma, giving birth, renovations, or illness. Situations such as these introduce feelings of depression or anxiety. These are normal – for a while.  The trick is to recognize when you are stressed and choose to do something about it.

When we are in crisis situations managing stress is not what is on your mind. Survival is. It would tick me off, supremely, when well meaning people would tell me I needed to manage my stress when I was trying to survive a trauma. Stress management will come once the crisis has passed. And yes, the crisis will pass. That is a topic for another post.

We have all gone through crisis situations. We all know the feelings of panic, heart palpitations, sweaty palms, extreme anxiety, and looking for a way out. These are the fight, fright or freeze responses to impending danger, whether perceived or real. After the threat has passed the stress hormones should calm down. But what if you are surviving a situation that is in constant crisis, such as physical abuse or mental torment. You are constantly on alert. These symptoms become your normal. We stop recognizing the symptoms because we are so accustomed. These symptoms are also wreaking havoc on your body and mind.  There is no way you can “manage” stress in situations like this. All you do is survive moment by moment. There is, however, a way you can release some of the stress.

When you are alone, the simplest coping mechanism is breathing; measured, deep breathing. If you can count and take a slow deep breath you can do this.

  • Take one deep cleansing breath, in and out.
  • Now, breathe in slowly to a count of six.
  • Pause to the count of three.
  • Exhale slowly to the count of six.
  • Pause to the count of three.
  • Repeat

Repeat until you have stopped shaking or you feel the tension release from your shoulders. I used to do this when the kids and I sequestered ourselves in one of their bedrooms when he was on a rampage. Together we would breathe. Then we would wait until he passed out. Often times the children would fall asleep in my arms. At the time I did not know this was a stress management tool. I was just getting a grip. The breathing would calm the children down quite quickly. It took me a lot longer to calm down, but calmness came over me every time. Breathing does not take the threat away. Breathing calms you down so you can think. It is our prayer that you have the courage to exit a situation like this. There are organizations to help you. Judy and I have used these organizations. Be prepared and find these places in advance of when you need them. I found it difficult to think during a crisis and learned to be prepared in advance. Having the information ready also helps to reduce your stress in the moment. You have a plan.

For those of us who have lived way too long with stress as a back seat driver we have some tips to help you get a firm grip on your stress. Choose one of these management techniques to get started. You do not have to do everything. If you hate exercise do not use it as a stress management tool. It will just stress you out more. Do something that rings true for you.

Exercise

So yes, I’ll get the “exercise” tool out of the way. Any exercise is good. I like walking and find that walking allows me to turn down the stress. Find a form of exercise that you like such as running, swimming, dancing, biking, or aerobics. You do not have to spend lots of money on exercise equipment or any at all. There are so many exercise routines that you can access on YouTube. Running requires a pair of running shoes. Dancing can be done in your living room or when you are cleaning. Turn up the tunes! Music itself calms the beast and shifts our mood.

Exercise helps lift your mood. This is because it stimulates your body to release a number of hormones like endorphins and endocannabinoids. When you exercise you tend to feel less anxious and more positive about yourself. When your body feels good, your mind often follows.

Did you know that exercise can reduce pain? It appears counter intuitive doesn’t it. It works. Movement gets fluid and those feel-good hormones moving around your body. Pain is blocked. That is why physiotherapy works. Physiotherapy gets body parts moving and pain is released. In every book I have read about specific areas of pain the prescription is movement before drugs.

Physical activity improves sleep. Better sleep means better stress management. Sleep renews the brain and body. Take care not to exercise too close to bedtime. Exercise too close to bedtime can disturb sleep for some people.

If you don’t have the time or energy for a formal exercise program, you can still find ways to move during the course of the day.

  • Bike or walk to the store instead of driving.
  • Use the stairs instead of the elevator.
  • Park as far as you can from the door.
  • Hand-wash your car.
  • Clean your house.
  • Walk on your lunch break.
  • Do cat stretches while on the couch. Have you ever watched a cat stretch. Mimic those movements. If you have never watched a cat stretch, check out this video. Modify the stretches to suit you.

Food – Your Nourishment.

UGH! Really? Yes – really. Your nourishment is vital to managing stress. We have all experienced stress eating. Sweets, cookies, cakes, chips, anything that temporarily satisfies the emotional state. Have you noticed that you usually beat yourself up after indulging in emotional eating? And you feel like crap. I was in a support group, and we talked a lot about emotional eating. Not one woman in the group felt good after a binge. We are bound to have binges. That is okay – on occasion. Be kind to yourself and vow to try harder and be prepared with a different strategy next time.

One of the benefits of eating healthy foods is your mental health. A healthy diet builds up your immune system, levels your mood, and lowers your blood pressure. Eat your vegetables. Vegetables should be half your plate. Protein, grains and complex carbohydrates fill the rest.

Antioxidants protect your cells from the damages of chronic stress.  You can find antioxidants in a huge variety of foods like beans, fruits, berries, vegetables, and spices such as ginger and tumeric.

Sticking to a healthy lifestyle is easier with a few simple tips.

  • Make and stick to a shopping list.
  • Do not shop hungry.
  • Carry healthy snacks and water with you when you leave the house.
  • Stay away from processed foods as much as possible.
  • Be mindful when eating.

There are supplements available that can decrease the effects of stress on the body and mind. Be sure to get enough vitamin C, magnesium, and Omega 3 fatty acids as part of a balanced diet. Omega 3 is found in wild fishes such as salmon, sardine, mackerel and herring.  Vitamin C can be found in cherries, grapefruit, oranges, moringa powder (put it in a smoothie). Magnesium is found in your leafy greens and cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, brussel sprouts, cauliflower).  

Let feed be your medicine and medicine be your food. Hippocrates

Sleep

Do you struggle to fall asleep? This is a common side effect of stress. Insomnia is the inability to fall and stay asleep at least 3 times a week for at least 3 months. Lack of sleep can also add to your stress level and cause a cycle of stress and sleeplessness. It is a vicious cycle. So how do you get to sleep? Sleep habits. Sleep habits involve your daily routine and the way you set up your bedroom.  Sleep habits include:

  • getting outside even if the sun is not shining. I have a friend that says there is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.
  • Exercise of some kind.
  • Drink less alcohol.
  • Drink caffeinated beverages before 2 pm.
  • Set a sleep schedule. You know – just like you had for children. Try having the same bedtime every night. Set your alarm for the same time every morning. That includes weekends. Try this for one month.
  • No electronics or television for 30 minutes before bed. If you like to read use an old-fashioned book. This is only for one month. It is not a life sentence.
  • Try meditation or other forms of relaxation at bedtime.

How do you set up your bedroom as part of good sleep habits? Your room should be dark. Black out curtains are a good idea. Keep your bedroom cool and as quiet as possible. When it is time for bed keep your phone outside of the bedroom. You can keep it in your ensuite bathroom. Just keep it out of your bedroom. The farther away the better. And turn it off. There are exceptions to keeping your phone turned on. Those are exceptions. Not the rule. Your bed should be supportive, have plenty of space and be comfortable. Pillows should support your neck. The material you sleep on is important. Natural fiber sheets are better for the body.

Connect with people. 

Spend time with a friend or family member who will listen to you. If you think you have exhausted people who will listen to you and can afford a therapist go to a therapist. Talking out your anxieties is a natural way to soothe you and reduce your stress. Better results can be obtained when you walk and talk. Connecting with people in person releases a hormone that breaks your fight-or-flight-or-freeze reaction. You enter a state of relaxation. Hugs help too.

Behavior. 

The manner in which you respond to people directly affects your stress levels. You can manage your response to people by:

  • Not overcommitting yourself (I still struggle with this one, but I am getting better.)
  • Share responsibility. You are not responsible for everyone nor everything.
  • Adopt the phrase, “I will think about that.”
  • Walk away from a heated situation or step back.

The voice inside your head. 

Nothing affects your stress levels like the voice inside your head. Realize that you can control your inner voice. You can swap negative thoughts for positive ones. The benefits of positive self-talk are:

  • stress reduction,
  • a longer life,
  • lower levels of depression,
  • greater resistance to the common cold,
  • reduced cardiovascular disease and
  • better coping skills.

Laughter

Laughing is good for the soul. You take in more oxygen when you laugh. Your body releases the feel-good hormones. Your heart and lungs get a boost. Your muscles even get a wee workout. Laughter improves your immune system, lessens pain, and improves your mood for long periods time. Get together with those girlfriends and get laughing. Even a good comedy movie can lift your mood.

There are so many ways to manage your stress. This is only a few suggestions to get you moving in the right direction. A few others are Epsom salt baths, drink water, and be creative.

Feel free to share your favourite stress management techniques. We and our community would love to hear them.