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Your Transformation – Mind Moves

Mind moves, mind shift, perspective change or reality re-evaluation. Whatever you call it the principle is to “change your mind”. I change my mind every day. I change my mind about what I’m going to wear. I change my mind about what to have for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I change my mind because I’m a woman – and that’s my prerogative. This kind of mind change is not what I want to talk about today.

I want to talk about what goes on in your mind when you want to make a change in your life. I want to talk about how you move your mind from negative thinking to positive thinking. This kind of mind move is the second phase in transformation.

Think of like this. The old digital alarm clocks had a SET button. You choose the time you want to wake up, scroll through the time until you get it just right and press the SET button. This keeps the time in memory. When that time rolls around, the alarm goes off. In the same way, mind moves shift you from a negative way of thinking to a positive way of thinking. You push the SET button to keep it in memory.

A powerful mind move involves moving from a victim mentality to a mind SET of empowerment. Instead of feeling helpless and at the mercy of external circumstances, you recognize your natural strength and responsibility in shaping your own destiny.

For example, rather than dwelling on past traumas over things that happened to you, you get to reframe the event as an experience that shaped your resilience and ability to overcome adversity. You’re still standing. The fact that you are still standing is testament to your strength and resilience.

Transitioning from a fixed mind SET to a growth mind SET is another important mind move. Rather than believing your abilities and qualities are fixed traits, you get to see challenges as opportunities for growth and learning. This is a growth mind move. You move to embrace setbacks as temporary rather than insurmountable obstacles and approach life with a sense of curiosity. You are open to new experiences.

Many women who have experienced trauma struggle with self-doubt and low self-esteem. A mind move in this area involves cultivating self-confidence and self-belief.

When I learned that it was necessary for me to make this mind move, I panicked. I didn’t think it was possible. I believed that this was the way I was and it could not change. If you think this way or this statement fills you with anxiety, please, take a deep breath, exhale slowly and believe that you can cultivate self-confidence.

Cultivating self-confidence involves challenging negative self-talk and replacing it with affirmations of self-worth and capability. For example, instead of telling myself, “I’m not good enough,” I affirm, “I am worthy of love and respect, and I have the strength to overcome any challenge.” It can seem so simple, yet the result of replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmation is SO PROFOUND.

Positive affirmations provide a counterbalance to negative thoughts. Affirming statements challenge and replace destructive beliefs with more empowering beliefs. Repeating positive affirmations gradually rewires your brain to adopt positive and supportive thought patterns, leading to improved self-esteem and self-worth.

Positive affirmations cultivate self-compassion by offering words of kindness, understanding, and acceptance. By affirming your own worthiness, strength, and resilience, you learn to treat yourself with greater kindness and compassion, nurturing a deeper sense of self-love and acceptance.

Positive affirmations inject hope and optimism into your life reminding you that healing is possible and that better days lie ahead. Declarations such as “I trust in the healing process,” “I believe in my ability to heal,” and “I am deserving of a bright future” instill a sense of hope and possibility. This motivates you to persevere on your journey of recovery.

Fear often holds us back from pursuing our dreams and living life to the fullest. A mind move from fear to courage involves acknowledging the presence of your fear but not letting it dictate your actions.

It means stepping out of our comfort zone and taking a bold leap of faith, even in the face of uncertainty. For example, instead of allowing fear of failure to paralyze you, you get to embrace the unknown and take a calculated risk to pursue your goals and dreams.

Take risks. Try new experiences that stretch your abilities and expand your horizons. It may be scary at first, but the effort will be so worth it.

Finally, a transformative mind move involves shifting from an attitude of scarcity to one of abundance. Instead of viewing life through a lens of lack and limitation, you get to see abundance and possibility all around you.

Abundance is not only financial. If you open your heart and your eyes you will see the abundance in your life. I like to go for a walk in the woods regularly. I see the power of the trees and the wind. I see the beauty of the forest floor. I breathe in the clean air. This to me is abundance. Abundance, for me, is looking into the eyes of my children and grandchildren, being thankful they have been given to me and I feel rich. I can look in my fridge and see that I have enough, even if it’s only enough for today.

This may involve practicing gratitude for what you already have and adopting an abundance mind SET that attracts more positivity and abundance into your life. For example, rather than focusing on what you lack, focus on what you have to be grateful for and trust that your needs will be provided.

I find that writing down the things I am grateful for today is an impactful practice. I am reminded of all things, people, places, and experiences I have had. I see how these have impacted my life and I live with a grateful heart. I can also be grateful for my future and picture what that looks like.

I know a woman named Lena. Lena had always felt like she was merely surviving, navigating her days with a heavy heart and a sense of resignation. Deep within her soul, she longed for something more—a life filled with purpose, joy, and fulfillment.

One day, as Lena sat in her tiny apartment, surrounded by the familiar trappings of her existence, she couldn’t shake the feeling that there had to be more to life than what she was experiencing. She yearned for a change, a transformation that would break the chains of her self-imposed limitations and set her spirit free.

With a flicker of determination, Lena embarked on a journey of self-discovery—a journey that would challenge her beliefs, push her boundaries, and ultimately lead her to profound transformation.

As Lena delved into the depths of her own psyche, she encountered the first hurdle on her path: the victim mindset. This mindset held her captive for a long time.

She realized that she had been allowing her past traumas to define her, casting herself as the helpless victim of circumstances beyond her control. But in that moment of awareness, Lena made a conscious choice to reclaim her power—to rise above her past and embrace her innate strength and resilience.

With each move forward, Lena encountered new challenges that tested her resolve. She faced moments of doubt and uncertainty, grappling with the fear of the unknown that threatened to hold her back. But instead of allowing fear to dictate her actions, Lena summoned the courage within her—the courage to step into the unknown, to trust in her own abilities, and to pursue her dreams with unwavering determination.

Along the way, Lena discovered the transformative power of a growth mindset—a belief in her own potential to learn, grow, and evolve. She realized that setbacks were not roadblocks, but rather opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

With each challenge she encountered, Lena embraced the opportunity to expand her horizons, to push past her comfort zone, and to emerge stronger and more resilient than before.

As Lena journeyed deeper into the heart of her own transformation, she began to see the world through new eyes—an abundance mindset opened her heart to the infinite possibilities that surrounded her. She realized that life was not a zero-sum game, but rather a tapestry of abundance and opportunity, waiting to be woven into the fabric of her own unique story.

In the end, Lena emerged from her journey of transformation not as a mere survivor, but as a beacon of hope and inspiration to all who knew her. She had exceeded her limitations, embraced her true essence, and stepped into a reality filled with joy, purpose, and fulfillment.

Now, you get to choose how your transformation develops.  This is ALL about you. No one can take it away. It is nobody else’s business. Your transformation is NOT selfish. Your transformation is the MOST loving act you can do for yourself. Without loving yourself it is impossible to love anyone else.

By making these mind moves, your get to transform your perspective on life. You get to unlock your full potential. You get to create a reality filled with joy, purpose, and fulfillment. This is your journey of self-discovery and empowerment. This journey begins with changing the way you think and perceive the world around you.

The next blog post in this series is the exploration of the huge impact healing methods can have on your transformation.

Remember that trauma does not define you. You choose how to live your life.  

Emotions Handling Life
Featured

Death :  End or Beginning?

In the last week of January, Rose’s mother passed into glory, my father-in-law passed away, and Sue’s Dad went to be with the Lord.  And, a dear friend of ours passed suddenly and unexpectedly. A great understanding of death has occurred.  Our version of what death is, is attributed to our perception of what life is.  If you hold the belief of life after death, if you believe you are a spirit in a body, and that the spirit is connected to God eternally, death loses it sting.  Death is not the end. It is the spirit’s return from where it came.  It is the circle completed.  

If one does not have a belief beyond the life of the body, there is nothing else.  Death of a loved one can be such an empty, lonely, pit of despair.  I am witnessing how when one has no belief in the afterlife, in heaven, or in God, how painful the death of a beloved can be.

Faith soothes the hurt.  Yes, of course, we are sad that our loved ones have gone from the earth. Yes, we will miss them.  The comfort of knowing that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, is exactly that, comfort.  This is what I hold onto in times of grief. It strengthens me when I am weak.

Let’s be clear, I still experience all the emotions.  Anger certainly reared its head over the past few weeks.   The song lyrics,” Get your house in order for the coming of the Lord”, keep repeating in my head. Sadness, compassion and empathy have also visited. Joy too, as we remembered the fun that was shared over the years.

There is a responsibility that each of us has to the ones remaining on earth after our passing.

First, I believe it is important that the people you love, know you love them.  Speak IT.  Tell them.

While you are alive. Don’t wait. Why make someone wait for something so important to their mental and emotion wellbeing?  It benefits us all to know that we are loved and lovable.  Three simple words “I love you” while looking in their eyes, make a world of difference to the one receiving and increases the love in the one giving.

Speak clearly to your loved ones. Let them know how important they are to your life. Let them know you are proud of them.  Write a note if you cannot speak the words.  You show love through actions.  That means, follow through with your words.  My father-in-law would bring home made food to us often. That was his love language. He wanted us to sit , eat and have a drink with him, to enjoy life.

Do the work so your financial affairs are set up properly and accurately.  The frustration, stress, and time required to chase down essential forms, and sort through a mess of paperwork is an unnecessary burden for those left grieving.   Wills, Power of Attorney, both for Property and Personal Care are essential legal documents.  Make sure they are current and up to date. and the people who are appointed can perform all the duties the job of Estate Executor requires.

Have your bank accounts, investment accounts, and debts and assets in a file, easily accessible.  When I was a Life Insurance and Financial Advisor, CLU., I would give clients a thick binder with plastic insert pages which would hold their policies and important documents.  It made the transition process streamline for the family.  All vital documents in one place.

There are a great number of government forms to be completed upon death.  The funeral home director or consultant does help with Canadian Pension death benefit, and some other government forms. A lawyer will help to advise on the execution of the Will.  The executor does the work to find the assets, liabilities, properties, get assessments of valuables, and so on. 

A good life insurance agent will assist you in completing policy claims forms and following up with the carrier.   Remember to look for other death benefits, pension death benefits, some credit cards have life insurance portions on them. If death was a result of a car accident, car insurance claims forms need to be completed.   

The final income taxes must be filed.  The estate may be subject to probate which is another tax. It can take a year or more before an estate is probated and able to be dispersed.   

The stress of deadlines to submit claims, forms and taxes, penalties for late submission, and bank tellers who are uncooperative simply add more grief to a person who just wants to remember their Dad, Mom, or beloved. In all of this lots of emotion may surface; some may surprise you.

There are many and varied rituals around death.  These come from our beliefs, our culture, and the accepted practice in your community.  A funeral mass, prayer service, visitation at the funeral home, a wake, a Celebration of Life are for the family and friends as much as for the deceased. Some Indigenous tribes in Canada offer tobacco or other plant medicines to ease the transfer to the spirit world.  In the Hindu culture the spirit is reborn on earth.  Filipino and Chinese and Jamaican customs hold the 9th day ceremony when the spirit goes to into the spirit world. In Mexico death is so integrated with life, many festivals revolve around the ancestors who have gone before into the afterlife.  There are so many traditions and rituals I cannot name them all here.  The line that connects us is that the Spirit is acknowledged, honoured and celebrated.   Today many people are choosing their own method of acknowledging a life and grieving a loss of life.

My friend, Robin’s Celebration of Life was the most loving, joyful, kind, peaceful and inspiring event I have attended, ever.   Robin touched so many lives with his loving kindness, and spirit of joy, and humour.  Robin was a healer who lived to inspire us to be our best, most humble selves.  Friends and relations at his Celebration, sang songs written for him and his young daughter, they played guitars, read poems, shared stories, and yes, we danced, as Robin loved to dance.  We even had a laughing Budda yoga moment.  Yes, there were a few tears, tears are healing too. We hugged one another and felt the love that was very present in that room.  I believed we all left feeling connected to each other and inspired to do more good works with our time here on earth.   Thank you to Robin’s family for giving us this opportunity. It, like Robin, made an impact on our lives.

In the weeks and months that follow the death of a loved one, it is important to be aware of your own well being.  Forgive the mistakes, yours and theirs. Don’t harbour bitterness, it hurts you on a cellular level. It takes time to do this kind of healing. Grief wears many faces. Be conscious of what you are feeling. Acknowledge it.  This past week an immense fatigue has come upon my husband and I. Rose too is exhausted as she has been balancing her Mom’s illness, and her own responsibilities.  We have been dealing with hospitals, caring for the other family members, managing all the necessary pieces required to keep the physical, emotional and financial wheels on the cart for everyone.  This juggling has been going on for a long time.  We are tired.  We are not sure what the future will hold but I do believe through it all God holds us.

Vati, we love you and will miss you.  Mom, Rose knows you are with God, she is grateful for all you taught her.  Sue, you know how your Daddy shaped so many lives with his life’s mission, yours included. Robin we will remember you in the dance.

  Love heals all.   God is love and anyone who lives in love lives in God, and God lives in him.  1 John 16

Handling Life
Featured

The Perfect Gift

This is traditionally the season of giving. In the world in which we live, there can be an external pressure to perceive that giving must have a financial cost to it. The idea of the bigger the better is really promoted at this time of year.

I remember when I was in the financial planning industry, sitting with clients who had repeatedly accumulated debt every holiday season. In an attempt to provide the perfect holiday, and the perfect gifts they exceeded their means.  The cost of the debt, which compounded with interest, increased exponentially causing a huge amount of stress on the families. The interest on credit cards, or even lines of credit add up quickly to a great deal of money. An expenditure which brings us no value. Parents worked extra hours, took on secondary incomes, which increased their stress levels, resulting in time away from their families, and feeling exhausted and grouchy when they were with their family. No time left for friends or enjoying the moment. Stress takes a physical toll on our bodies, minds, emotions, and energy.

Ironically, kids don’t really remember that trending toy – that eventually and inevitably gets relegated to the back of the closet.  I recently had a conversation with our 25-year-old son, and what he remembered was the year we had a sleigh ride with real horses and our friend Gail’s, German shepherd dog named Bear who kept our feet warm by sitting on us. That was a great day.

The best gift you can give is the gift of you. Your time, your talent, your attention, your love, your presence. To be fully present, put your phone down and lift your face up. We connect with each other though sight, sound, and touch. And smell, the limbic part of the brain is directly connected to the olfactory glands of the nose. The limbic system is a group of structures in the brain that governs emotions, motivation, olfaction, and behavior. It is also involved in the formation of long-term memory.

This is why certain scents can trigger memories. What scent do you affiliate with the holidays?

Here are some ideas on how you can create a holiday memory that will give significant receiver appreciation, without sending your bank account into receivership.

Think Outside the Box

We often overlook the gifts we have to offer. What skill do you possess that can benefit another person?

Giving a few lessons in what you love to do can impact another person in such a significant way. Can you play the guitar? The piano or drums? What about showing your teenager how to prepare a meal from scratch? One on one time with them and no other siblings. Play music, theirs, and yours while you are cooking up some jambalaya in the kitchen.

Baking, music making, craft time, woodworking, soap making, crocheting, sewing, knitting, stained glass, coin collecting, painting both for art and a room. The list is endless. These are all activities that you can do together, where the beneficiary of the activity reaps dividends. They get time with you, building relationships, learn a new skill which they can continue to use or even teach to someone else.

Take a course together. Find a workshop that interests you both.

Exercise with your loved one. The month my daughter and I did a remote yoga class together was fantastic.

Do a charitable activity together. Gift wrapping at the mall, food delivery, so many charities need help.

As the interest in whole foods increases, showing a loved one the art of gardening brings edible rewards from May to November. The thrill of tasting that first crunchy sweet carrot planted from seed, watered, tilled, then harvested, and washed under the hose is amazing.

Many grandparents are choosing to take the grandchildren on an outing or an experience instead of a under the tree type gift. Rose taught her grandchildren to ski. One at a time.

She also took the 4 of them to an indoor water park. Giving a child-free weekend to her kids, while having a fabulous fun whale of a time with the little ones.

This idea of gifting time and talent can flow up hill as well. Most kids today are experts on their computers and their phones. Those skills are now needed by the grandparents as almost everything is done on-line now. An hour or two of computer lessons will add more value to grannie’s life than another cardigan.

Time outside is essential too. Walk in nature, go see the Lights, play in the snow, or on the beach depending on where you live. Play outdoor games with each other. My neighbour organized a circuit training course for her two boys so they can exercise together, while apart. Physical activity burns off tension and anxiety. It creates laughter so moods improve, and everyone gets along better when they are in the groove.

Learn to give a great massage. Hand massages are so appreciated by people who spend hours on the keyboard. Foot/ reflexology massages relax the whole body, improve sleep, reduce stress and most people love them. Couple it with a custom aromatherapy blend and the experience is sheer bliss. FYI, I can teach you this.

If you know a tradesman and your mom needs a new kitchen cabinet, can you trade skills such as an hour or two organizing for some cabinet making? Think creatively.

Granted some of these ideas may be a bit late for this season. But an idea shared is never lost. It increases in the sharing.

Let’s look at Value. Time with a loved one is the most valuable thing. Period. Often, we don’t recognize this until our loved one is gone. I wish I could bake one more pie with my Mom or learn to be a better photographer or listen to my Dad play the harmonica. Time goes by quickly. We do not know how much time we get. Use your time wisely.

The pride of accomplishment, the life skill learned, the time together, the laughter, the love and that joy, unending joy is in the gift. Give the gift of you. It is the perfect gift.