acceptance

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Transformation: Acceptance and Self-compassion

Rose 04/04/2024 04/03/2024

I did something the other day I don’t usually do. I found myself scrolling through social media. One reel hooked me into another, and then another and another and on and on it went.

I know the concept of reels is to hook the viewer into more and more. I got hooked. Then next thing I knew an hour and half went by at the speed of my finger. Can you relate? Has this EVER happened to you?

After I had finished chastising myself on the waste of time, I realized something significant.

I realized a lot of the reels I watched were about transformation. I have to admit I have been doing research on the concept of transformation and engaging in some transformative practices.

Algorithms caught on and filled my feed with reels about transformation. Now, not all reels were about transformation. Some were just plain funny and I laughed ‘til I cried. I love a sense of humour. I can still see the outrageous stuff people do and I chuckle to myself. Hmmmm.

Right. Let’s get back to what I was talking about.

So, was scrolling a waste of time? I’m going out on a limb and saying “NO”.

The fact that I realized what I had been watching was of some value made me a bit giddy. I had held the belief that all social media scrolling was to fill in time waiting for appointments or an avenue to killing off brain cells. I was wrong.

Choke! Choke! Gag!

Yes, I was wrong and I am not afraid to admit it. It isn’t easy but I do admit it.

In that hour and a half, I learned some new things and I cemented in the things I already knew and discovered. And now I get to share what I learned with you.

If you aren’t interested in transforming any area of your life, duck out now. I suspect you’ll be bored.

If you are interested in transforming an area of your life read on. My prayer is that you will be blessed and get excited to begin the process of transforming your life to what YOU want it to be.

To start I think we need to ask the question, “Is transformation really possible?”. I give the answer to this question two thumbs up. YES! It is possible to transform your life.

Think about it. Most movies we watch are about transformations. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The Hulk. Kevin Spacey’s character in The Usual Suspects. Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor. The Gremlins. Star Wars and don’t forget about every Marvel movie. I believe I made my point.

So yes, transformation is possible. Transformation is not an easy road. Transformation is definitely worth the time, effort and money you invest in the process. So, where do you begin?

Transformation usually starts with a crisis. You hit rock bottom and find yourself in despair and or depression. You can’t do this anymore. How did you get here? How did you get into this? What just happened? How could he?

I am sure you can relate to at least one of these questions during a crisis in your life. I’m also sure you can add a thousand questions to this list.

I remember thinking during one of my many crises that maybe it was me. “If I could just find a way to change me everything would be okay.” So, I tried to change me, a transformation. I tried to become what I thought he wanted. That didn’t work! It actually made matters worse. I was miserable because I was living against my values, what I believed and who I was. My misery made the whole situation worse. Yes, transformation is not always positive.

I also remember a time when my second marriage was in dire trouble. I tried everything I knew at the time to “fix it”. This went on for a few years. Then one morning I woke up and decided it was not about him anymore. It was not about us anymore. It was about me.

I started my journey to wholeness, strength, confidence, and self-worth.

I engaged in psychotherapy to find my way out of the internal chatter that threatened to bury me. I read books. I found online groups for support. I went to retreats, seminars and workshops. I took part in online challenges. I sought out the thoughts and ideas of leaders in the field of transformation. I studied biographies of people who believed in themselves, went against “the norm” and found themselves, their strengths, and their passions.

Ladies, it has been quite the journey. It has cost me a lot of time, money, tears, anger and joy, mostly joy. This journey continues and I do not want to stop. I have found beauty among the ashes. I have found inner joy. I am happy – most of the time. I am an overcomer. I have even had do-overs!

So, where do you start on your journey of transformation – if you decide to start the challenge?

You have heard the quote by Lao Tzu, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” This is exactly where to start. You start with the first step.

The first step is your decision to invest in yourself. If there is to be a change in your life, that change starts with you.

I believe you made that decision when you started reading this article or looking online for topics on personal change and transformation. We all long to be like the butterfly who emerges from the cocoon as a beautiful creature.

What do you do when you’ve made that decision? Good question! And bravo for asking it. When you ask a good question, you get a good answer. Your next step is acceptance.

Acceptance begins with acknowledging and confirming your emotions, even the painful ones.

When a woman experiences trauma she can allow herself to feel the depth of her sadness, anger, or fear without judgment. Instead of pushing these emotions away or denying their existence, she can acknowledge them as valid responses to her experiences.

Allow me to tell you a story.

Maya was no stranger to life’s challenges; she has weathered her fair share of storms and emerged stronger each time. Despite her resilience, there was still a heaviness in her heart—a lingering ache from wounds that ran deep.

One day Maya found herself sitting by the riverbank, lost in thought. Memories of past sufferings flooded her mind, threatening to consume her in a sea of sorrow. Tears welled up in her eyes as she struggled to make sense of it all.

In that moment of vulnerability, Maya realized that she had been fighting against herself, resisting the pain that clamored for acknowledgment. With an audible moan, she let go of her defenses and allowed herself to feel—to truly feel—the weight of her emotions. She embraced her sadness, her anger, her fear, like old friends returning home after a long journey.

Maya felt a gentle stirring within her—a flicker of self-compassion igniting in the depths of her soul. She spoke softly to herself, offering words of kindness and understanding, like soothing balm to a wounded heart.

“I forgive you,” she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. “I forgive you for carrying this burden for so long. You deserve peace, and I will walk beside you every step of the way.”

With each passing day, Maya practiced self-compassion in small but profound ways. She learned to let go of the heavy cloak of self-blame that had weighed her down for years. Instead, she embraced the lightness of forgiveness and grace. She set boundaries to protect her tender heart. She surrounded herself with love and support.

As the seasons turned and the world bloomed around her, Maya found herself transformed. She was not transformed by the absence of pain, but by the acceptance of it. She had become a beacon of hope for others, living proof to the power of acceptance and self-compassion on the journey of healing.

And so, dear reader, remember Maya’s story as you navigate your own path of transformation. Embrace your pain, your imperfections, with open arms, for it is in acceptance that true healing begins.

This is the beginning of your journey in transformation. Acceptance takes time. Take this opportunity to accept. Give yourself the gift of time to accept yourself as you are, scars and all. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Don’t run from them. Your emotions are part of you, a beautiful part of you.

Show yourself compassion. This means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Present yourself with words of comfort and reassurance during difficult moments. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can given your circumstances.

Acceptance also means letting go of self-blame and recognizing that traumatic events are not your fault. A woman who has experienced abuse can release feelings of guilt or shame and understand that she did not deserve what happened to her. Instead of blaming herself for past actions or decisions, she can focus on nurturing herself and begin moving forward.

Self-compassion and acceptance involve embracing your imperfections and recognizing that nobody is perfect. A woman can forgive herself for past mistakes or perceived shortcomings, understanding that they do not define her worth. Instead of striving for unattainable standards of perfection, celebrate your uniqueness and inherent value.

Acceptance includes setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and honor your needs. You can assertively communicate your boundaries with others, expressing what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. Prioritize self-care and respect your limits. In this way you show self-compassion and cultivate a sense of empowerment.

When you practice acceptance and self-compassion you develop a deeper sense of self-awareness, resilience, and inner peace. These habits serve as the foundation for healing and growth, allowing you to embrace your true self with love and compassion.

There is more to discover on this journey of transformation. Next week we will uncover mindset shifts that can change your perspective and significantly affect your personal healing journey.

May you always be guided by the gentle whispers of self-compassion, leading you home to the depths of your own beautiful soul.

Personal Practices

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Rose 09/20/2023 02/05/2024

In my last article titled, Let It Go I talked about the importance of, and how to release and relinquish something that is causing you emotional distress and holding you back. Today I reveal ACCEPTANCE. You may be thinking, “Wait a minute! We can’t do both!”. Well, yes, we can. Acceptance and letting go are not opposing forces but rather complementary aspects of the healing journey. Acceptance provides the understanding and self-awareness needed to move forward, while letting go is the active process of releasing the emotional weight of trauma and embracing positive change. Together, they create a path towards greater peace, resilience, and well-being.

Acceptance is a fundamental aspect of personal development and healing. When a woman experiences trauma in her life there comes a point where acceptance needs to happen. Acceptance plays a crucial role in the healing journey, especially for women who have experienced trauma. It can be a challenging yet transformative process.

Acceptance, in this context, can take several forms:

Self-Acceptance: One of the first steps is often accepting yourself as a survivor and acknowledging the emotions and scars that come with trauma. This involves recognizing that it’s okay to feel the way you do and that you are not defined by your past experiences.
Acceptance of the Past: Coming to terms with the events that led to the trauma can be incredibly difficult. It involves re-framing the narrative and understanding that the trauma is something that happened to you, not something you caused or deserved.
Acceptance of Feelings: Trauma can bring up a wide range of emotions, including anger, guilt, and shame. Accepting these feelings without judgment is a significant step towards healing. Emotions are valid reactions to what you’ve been through.
Acceptance of Support: It’s important to accept and seek support from friends, family, or professionals. Often, women who have experienced trauma isolate themselves, feeling that they should be strong and can handle it alone. Accepting help can be a powerful step towards healing. We are never meant to handle anything alone. We were created for community, not isolation.
Acceptance of Healing as a Process: Healing from trauma is not linear, and it’s important to accept that there will be ups and downs. It’s not about “getting over” the trauma but learning to live with it and thrive despite it.
Acceptance of Growth: Trauma can lead to personal growth and resilience. It’s about recognizing that you can emerge from it stronger and be a more compassionate person.
Acceptance of Boundaries: Setting and enforcing boundaries is a crucial part of healing and living. Learning to say no when you need to and yes when it serves you is an act of self-acceptance, self-care, and self-love.
Acceptance of Future Possibilities: Ultimately, acceptance can open the door to envisioning a future where you are not defined by your trauma. It’s about discovering who you truly are and what you want for your life beyond the pain of the past.

Ignoring acceptance in the process of healing from trauma can have several significant consequences:

Stagnation in Healing: Without acceptance, individuals may remain stuck in a cycle of denial, avoidance, or suppression of their feelings and experiences. This can prevent them from making progress in their healing journey.
Persistent Emotional Pain: Unresolved trauma can lead to ongoing emotional pain, including anxiety, depression, and flashbacks. Ignoring acceptance can contribute to the persistence of these painful emotions.
Physical Health Consequences: Unresolved trauma can also manifest as physical health issues, such as chronic pain, sleep disturbances, and even autoimmune disorders. Ignoring acceptance may aggravate these physical symptoms.
Strained Relationships: Trauma affects not only the individual but also their relationships with others. Avoiding acceptance may lead to difficulties in connecting with and trusting others, which can strain relationships and social support networks.
Recurring Triggers: Trauma triggers can continue to resurface if acceptance is not addressed. These triggers can be emotionally distressing and disruptive to daily life.
Escalating Coping Mechanisms: Some individuals may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse or self-harm to numb or avoid their trauma. Ignoring acceptance can perpetuate these destructive behaviors.
Identity Crisis: Without acceptance, there may be a constant struggle with self-identity and self-worth. This can lead to feelings of confusion and a lack of direction in life.
Increased Risk of Re-traumatization: Failing to acknowledge and accept the trauma can make individuals more vulnerable to re-traumatization, as they may not have developed healthy coping strategies or boundaries.
Long-Term Impact on Mental Health: Unresolved trauma can have a long-term impact on mental health, potentially leading to more severe mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

In essence, ignoring acceptance can prolong the negative effects of trauma and hinder an individual’s ability to lead a fulfilling and emotionally healthy life. It’s an essential step in the healing process to acknowledge what has happened and work through the associated emotions and experiences. This can lead to a more profound sense of self-awareness, resilience, and overall well-being.

The acceptance process is deeply personal and varies from person to person. There are, however, some general steps and strategies that can guide individuals on their journey toward acceptance. Pick and choose what you want to explore.

Self-Awareness: Begin by taking time to reflect on your experiences and emotions. Self-awareness is a crucial first step in the acceptance process. Journaling or talking to a therapist can be helpful in this regard.
Educate Yourself: Learn about trauma, its effects, and the healing process. Understanding the psychological and physiological aspects of trauma can help you make sense of your experiences.
Seek Support: Reach out to a therapist, counselor, or support group specializing in trauma. Professional guidance can provide you with tools and strategies to navigate the acceptance process effectively. Supporting you on your journey to healing is the reason Wounded Women Rising exists. Join our Facebook group and join the conversation.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help you stay present and grounded as you confront difficult emotions related to the trauma.
Express Emotions: Give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions, whether it’s through talking, writing, art, or other creative outlets. Emotions are a natural part of your healing process.
Challenge Self-Blame: Many survivors of trauma blame themselves. It’s essential to recognize that you are not at fault for what happened to you and to challenge any self-blame or guilt.
Set Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial for self-care. Learning to say no when necessary and creating a safe space for yourself fosters acceptance and healing.
Forgiveness: Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean condoning what happened; it means letting go of the anger and resentment that can be barriers to acceptance. Forgiveness can be a powerful step in the healing process. We will investigate forgiveness in future blog posts. In the meantime, check out our post on Forgiving Myself.
Connect with Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with friends and family who are understanding and supportive. Social support can make a meaningful difference in the acceptance process.
Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer to a friend. Self-compassion can help counter negative self-judgment.
Focus on the Present and Future: While it’s essential to acknowledge the past, don’t let it define your entire identity. Focus on your goals, aspirations, and the future you want to create for yourself.
Professional Help: Depending on the severity of the trauma, professional therapeutic interventions such as Pure Bioenergy Healing are especially beneficial.
Self-Care: Prioritize self-care practices that nourish your physical and emotional well-being. This can include exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and engaging in activities you enjoy.

Once you have reached a place of acceptance, it can profoundly transform your experience of life. Acceptance opens up the door to a more positive and fulfilling life in several ways:

Emotional Freedom: Acceptance allows individuals to let go of the intense emotional baggage that often accompanies trauma. This emotional freedom can lead to a greater sense of peace and contentment.
Joy and Gratitude: Acceptance can shift the focus from what’s been lost to what remains and what can be gained. This shift often leads to increased feelings of joy and gratitude.
Self-Awareness: Acceptance often involves self-reflection. This self-awareness can help individuals understand their triggers, needs, and values, leading to more authentic and purpose-driven lives. Self-awareness produces self-compassion. It’s easier to take care of oneself when you genuinely believe you deserve it.
Enhanced Relationships: When you accept your own experiences and emotions, it becomes easier to connect with and support others. Your relationships may become more genuine and empathetic.
Increased Resilience: Acceptance is a sign of resilience. It means you’ve faced adversity and grown stronger because of it. This resilience can help you navigate future challenges with greater confidence.
Mindfulness and Presence: Acceptance encourages living in the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This mindfulness can lead to a richer, more meaningful life.
Creativity and Expression: Acceptance can unlock creativity and self-expression. Many individuals find solace and meaning in creative pursuits like art, music, or writing.
A Sense of Purpose: As individuals gain clarity about their values and priorities, they often discover a deeper sense of purpose in life. They may feel compelled to make a positive impact on the world.
Spiritual Growth: For some, the acceptance process leads to spiritual growth and a deeper connection to their inner selves or to a higher power.
Healthy Coping Strategies: With acceptance comes the development of healthier coping strategies, which can replace destructive habits and addictions.
Community and Support: Many individuals who have embraced acceptance become advocates or supporters for others who are on a similar journey, fostering a sense of community and purpose.

Life will continue to present challenges, but individuals who have integrated acceptance into their lives are often better equipped to face these challenges with resilience and a more positive outlook. Ultimately, the experience of life after acceptance can be marked by a greater sense of wholeness, authenticity, and well-being. It’s about embracing all facets of oneself and using that acceptance as a foundation for growth and fulfillment.

Blog Posts Handling Life

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Why Do We Believe the Lies We Tell Ourselves?

Rose 11/11/2022 11/06/2023

In my last blog post, The Lies I Tell Myself I touched briefly on why I believe the lies I tell myself. In this post I will go into a bit more depth. My hopes and prayers are that you will recognize one reason you believe a lie. When you become aware of why you believe lies you can counter them with a new truth and improve the language you use with yourself. Let’s get to it. I will start with the why’s I had in the last blog post.

We do not like something about ourselves (or our situation) and we try to cover it up with a lie. I purposefully wrote “try” because deep down we know the truth and the truth is hard to swallow. A lie preserves my sense of self.

We lie to ourselves because it is comfortable. Telling myself a lie keeps me in my comfort zone. I do not have to break out of the ordinary into unknown territory.

We lie to ourselves because it is convenient. We can keep doing the same thing without having to change anything. Again, this is comfort zone territory.

We lie to ourselves because it makes us feel better. Lying preserves our self-esteem. We want to feel good more than we want to know who our true self is.

We lie to ourselves to avoid responsibility for our actions.

We tell ourselves lies to cover up the mental conflict that occurs when our beliefs do not line up with our actions. This is known as cognitive dissonance.

Allow me to expand with a few more reasons to why we believe the lies we tell ourselves.

Lies confirm my position. Some people have the need to be right. In order to be right, they have to lie to affirm their position. That includes lying to themselves. Under these circumstances, to lie to someone else we have to lie to ourselves first. Have you ever found yourself in an argument and said, “you always do that.” Always is a big word meaning at all times. Most people do not “always” do something. More accurately would be “you often do that.” So, is this a lie or a misuse of words? I know for myself when I used this in an argument it was a lie. I would use it to affirm my position and it made me feel superior.

Lies protect us from other fears. We are not often aware of fear in our lives on a daily basis. We use lies to cover up or avoid our fears of inadequacy, loneliness, failure, change, rejection, uncertainty, being judged by others, being excluded, or intimacy to name a few. You tell yourself a lie to protect yourself and maintain a sense of security.

A lie can rationalize the decisions I made. I can tell myself it is the best decision, under the circumstances. This is the “fine line” lie between the truth and lie. I can often justify the decision in a few different ways. In the end I am trying to protect myself from something. Something like not having all the information I needed to make a sound decision, so I made a hasty decision. I do not want to admit I made a hasty decision, so I tell myself it is the best decision.

We believe the lie because you refuse to accept the reality of your situation, so you change it by changing the narrative. This one hits me close to home. I lied to myself about the abuse I experienced at home because I did not want to admit things were as bad as they were. I was very fearful of the future if my marriage failed. I had no idea how I would survive. Lying to myself did not delay the inevitable. It did not delay the threats to my life or the lives of my children. I had to come to terms with the truth.

There is good news. You CAN confront the lies and start living in the truth. The truth is where freedom lives. The bible says, the truth will set you free. Truth certainly sets you free.

To counter a lie there are a few things necessary to keep at the forefront of your mind. The first thing is to be aware. In daily life there are situations that cause you to lie to yourself. Be aware. You do lie to yourself. Ask yourself,

Where am I?

Who am I with?

Am I lying to make someone feel better or make myself feel better?

How do I feel right now?

These few questions can be answered quickly in any situation or in retrospect. Whenever you stop to answer these four questions you can determine your truth and choose to act differently now and in the future.

Set boundaries. You knew boundaries would rise to the surface eventually. They have to so here we are with a brief note on boundaries. Boundaries protect us. Boundaries are the decisions you make, in advance, to act in a certain way, remove yourself from situations or decline certain people or situations. There are good books on boundaries. My favorites are BOUNDARIES by Henry Cloud and John Townsend and BOUNDARIES: WHERE YOU END AND I BEGIN by Anne Katherine, M.A. Andy Stanley has a great series on Guardrails. I encourage you to listen to the whole series.

Start small. No one can change everything all at once. They say the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Changing the way, you talk to yourself is the same. Determine one lie you tell yourself. Figure out why you tell yourself the lie. Are you protecting yourself? Are you protecting someone else? Are you acting out of fear? Once you have defined the lie you now have the power to tell yourself the truth. You will need to tell yourself the truth over and over again. Do not get discouraged if you slip. After a period of time, you will notice that you no longer believe the lie. You may not even remember the lie. The amount of time it takes is as unique as you are. Be patient. Remember this is a journey not a sprint.

Learn acceptance. Yes, I am talking to me as much as to you. We are often more accepting of others than we are of ourselves. Accepting the truth can be challenging. Learning to accept the truth can be tough. Learning the truth is a gateway to valuable lessons. I can guarantee you that facing the truth is worth it. When you accept yourself for who you are your world becomes beautiful. I would rather live accepting all of me than I would living a lie. How about you?

Overcome lies by becoming the observer. Observe yourself. Be present in the moments of your life. Introspections does not require a retreat or a quiet place. We can do it moment by moment. Be aware of how you are feeling. Ask yourself why are you feeling this way? Open the places that rarely get the light. Be brave and courageous. You can change your story. You can change your narrative. There is power in making choices. There is power in choosing to do something different, to be someone different.

Finally, stop justifying. Stop making excuses and justifying what you tell yourself. Dig deeper to figure out why you are lying to yourself. Check the vocabulary you use with yourself. In the Ted Talk Carolyn Myss presented on Choices That Can Change Your Life, she says the following.

“Finally, make this choice. Choose to get up every day and bless your day. Choose to get up every single day and bless your day. And you say I have no idea what is going to be in my day, but it is blessed, why? Because I am alive. And do not base your gratitude for your life on what you have or how you feel. But just because you are. Just because you are. Just because you are. And then hold in your heart this prayer. This day of my life will never come again. I will never see the people I am looking at again. I will never see this sunrise again and I will never see that sunset. I will never see the person having breakfast with me again. Just this way. You know, nothing in my life like this will ever come again. That alone, that choice alone should take out of your heart every bitter taste there is. That it should shape the life around you with such grace and such beauty. That will make you only want to see the present with great gratitude.”

Our next blog post will be on THE TRUTH. As much as we tell ourselves lies, we also tell ourselves some truths. There are truths you need to know. Judy and I are looking forward to revealing this post to you. See you next time in Wounded Women Rising.