Wounded Women Rising

Wounded Women Rising

A Wounded Women's Way to Wisdom

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Correcting Conflicted Values

When our values are conflicted our spirit resonance is restricted. We turn this around when we become brave enough to look in the mirror and ask the tough questions that we hear pinging around in our soul. Tranquility comes from dropping into your heart. Get away from the chaos to a place of quiet. It does not have to be a weekend getaway. 30 minutes is a good start. As you get comfortable with the quiet you can start asking yourself questions. Questions such as

What would you have me see?

What do I need to know?

These two questions start the conversation with your deepest self. Have a pen and paper with you to jot down your insights, the answers to your questions. More questions will come. Allow them to come. Acknowledge them and wait for the answers. You are having a conversation with your deepest self. You know, the one stuffed so far down you do not recognize her. This is a process. Be gracious with yourself. You are getting to know an old friend, the little girl inside you. She is shy. Give her time to come out and sit with you. Be patient.

You need to know you are divine, worthy. You are loved. When you get away from fear love expands. When our values are conflicted, we see our world getting smaller. This is an illusion. The reality is we are infinite. When we change our way of thinking everything around us changes. The number one thing is to value yourself. You are of value. You are love. Out of love comes faith. Faith for a future. Faith to make a change, a baby step or a leap, a leap of faith. You will not see the outcome of your change until you make it. Henry Ford said, “If we believe we can or believe we can’t, we are right.” It is the belief that creates the outcome. Dr. Bruce Lipton’s work proves it is not the medicine that heals it the belief that the medicine will provide healing that heals.

When you realize you are a thought of God you are a created being. You are love incarnate. You expand. You forgive. You simply cannot hold onto the discomfort, the hurt, the ego because it no longer fits with who you are. We are all cracked, wounded egos. Let the ego go. Open you hand and release the illusion of what we think we are. Know in your whole being that goodness runs through you. Forgive. Align with your divinity. Align with the magnificent sacred part of who you are. You are excellent, delightful, superb, pleasing, attractive and eternal. You have a knowing by inspiration, intuition and insight. Live your life through the love that you truly are. Let your love lens show you your worth, your value, your intention and, your purpose.

We would love to hear your comments and get to know you. This is an interactive forum. Enjoy the day and all of it’s blessings.

Rose and Judy

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What Happens When Our Values Are Conflicted

When we conflict with our values, we are not whole. We are not well. When our values are conflicted, we are not grounded. We flit about. Pulled this way. Pushed that way. When our values are conflicted, we are influenced by others’ opinions and trends. When our values are conflicted, we can be indecisive, unsure, and misled.

Our values connect our heart and our head. We need to be clear on our values, the ones imprinted on our hearts. You can tell your head anything, but you cannot tell your heart just anything. Your heart knows. When our heart and our head are conflicted, it creates incoherence. We are confused and unclear of who we are and what we are doing. Living outside our values is living a lie.

When our values are conflicted our spirit resonance is restricted. A spirit resonance is when our purpose is task and spiritually oriented. We honour ourselves and others and we care for all things. “Living in a spiritual resonance is fun, positive, enlightening, spiritual, bonding, caring, and validating. It is safe, meaningful, hopeful, compassionate, educational, inviting, engaging, connected, authentic, and provocative.” (https://www.taosinstitute.net/files/Content/5692967/whitney_AI-Creating-Spiritual-Resonance.pdf)  Imagine living your life outside of these beautiful values.

Our internal world compass conflicts with what we are presenting to the external world. The internal compass is the part of you that is your soul. This part of you is all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful, creative, and limitless. When you connect to your inner compass you are fearless, confident, and calm. When your values are conflicted, you experience separation from your soul. Fears, anxiety, and self-doubt take control. You wear masks to present yourself to the world. Your true self is hiding, and you become a shell of your person resulting in depression.

In an abusive relationship you pretend it is not so bad. You quiet the conflicting values. Whenever there is abuse in a relationship trust is broken and sadly one of the biggest trust issues is trusting ourselves. When we let others make our decisions, we learn to distrust our own structures and beliefs. You distrust what you know to be true. When you distrust what you know to be true your foundation is shattered. You second guess most or all your decisions. How can you improve your daily life when each moment is shifting? You struggle to find your footing.

Another emotion that appears with conflicted values is fear. This one is H U G E for most of us. We often react from a place of fear. Fear isolates us from our own emotions and other people, tasks, or things. A threat of losing something is present and we act out of fear. Fear rises when a need of ours will possibly go unfulfilled. Fear can also emerge from memories. Have you ever said, “I’ve seen this before.” or “Here we go again.”? These phrases come out of memories and our fears appear as present and threatening.

Other emotions that appear with conflicted values are frustration and hurt. Values are at the root of all frustration and hurt. The frustrations and hurts are more about what value of ours has been challenged. I was often frustrated in my marriage because my husband procrastinated. Was I frustrated because of his procrastination and incomplete project and chores? I thought so before I did some work with values. I realized I was frustrated because I value integrity and play time. Work not getting done equaled my missing play time. That was unacceptable. I believe play time is essential to a healthy body, mind, and spirit. Play time puts me in touch with my inner child. And I like my inner child a lot!

Our next blog post will give actions on ways to correct conflicted values.

We look forward to reading your comments. Do you have a burning issue you would like us to address? Post it in the comments below. We are here to serve you.

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How Do Our Values Show Up In Our Lives?

Now that we have established what our values are, let’s look at how they affect us. Values are our guide posts.  They guide our behavior. Values are the principles, ideals and standards that impact our belief about ourselves and the world. They are the non-conscious record playing in the
background of our psyche, that imprints on how we think and act.  

For example “Have a grateful heart”  is a simple statement one hears often.  What exactly does that mean?  Why would it matter if one is grateful or not?   If we carry the value of gratitude, it helps us to appreciate the many gifts, opportunities, blessings, and challenges that meet us in this life.  It opens us up to be more generous.  Through gratitude we discover true appreciation for our friends, family, life, and our circumstances, even if they are challenging. Gratitude gives you a lens through which you view everything.  

We are bombarded with external messages from the media, that try to influence us to feel we are lacking.  When one holds the value of confidence,  we know we are enough.   We can be content in all things.  That does not mean we are not open for growth.  The quote from Socrates, “The unexamined life in not worth living” reminds us to look at what we value.  Our actions are often determined by our
unconscious mind.

Pause. Reflect. Consider.  Why did I respond in that fashion?  What is my underlying belief? What value do I hold that feels like it is incoherent? What values do I hold, that make me feel empowered?   Why does this situation make me feel so angry? So Hopeful? So, Inspired? Be Patient with yourself and with others.  Give the space needed to examine why you feel, act, re-act, think, judge or not judge. 

Remember when we learned to cross the street.  Stop. Look. Listen.  As we go along our life path, yes sometimes it feels like a super highway.  Stop. Look. Listen.  Pause. Reflect. Consider.  Listen to your inner compass, your inner guidance system, your spirit.  It knows what is right for you.  

Values are enduring beliefs that help a person decide what is right or wrong and what is detrimental. Values give structure to the goals we strive for and what personal qualifications to develop. What do you want to create in your world?  What values do you hold that will align with that creation. Kindness, compassion, abundance, fortitude, gratitude, purity, humour.  Add your values to the list.

That which we think about expands.  Energy goes where consciousness flows.  Let’s examine our values, select the ones we want to lean into.  Pick out the ones that no longer serve us.  Be conscious of why we do what we do.  Choose. Choose With Wisdom.   

Comment on what value you hold, how it shows up in your life.  What do you love about that? What would you change?

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Where Do Values Come From?

Values are passed down through generations. Geography plays a role in our values. Parents play a role in our values. Extended families play a role in our values. Friends, teachers, coaches, television, radio, music all play a role in the formation of our values. Religion or other systems of belief plays a role in the formation of our values.

Our family values come from our social circles and the cultures we grew up in. I grew up in a Catholic neighbourhood, went to a catholic school and was married in a catholic church. I adopted values from my catholic upbringing such as:

Thankfulness

Compassion

Peace

Wisdom

Hope

Humility

Generosity

Courage

Love

Respect

I have adopted values by being born a Canadian, such as:

Fairness

Diversity

Equality

Inclusion

Health

Safety

Democracy

Sustainability

I have adopted values from life experiences, such as:

Freedom

Purpose

Responsibility

Integrity

Clarity

Self respect

Empathy

Playfulness

Wonder

Strength

Consider in what country you were born. Consider your family, parents, siblings, and grandparents. Consider where you went to church or why you did not go to church. What values did you pick up?

If you are from America, you may value individualism, materialism, and achievement.

If you are from Latin America, you may value family, respect, and honour.

If you are Asian, you may value education, respect of authority and hierarchy and unity.

As an African you may value hospitality, morality, and time.

A Christian may value compassion, humility, and love.

A Taoist may value kindness, simplicity, and modesty.

A follower of Judaism may value respect, fairness, and community.

If you grew up in a family that valued time together, you may have adopted that value. If your family of origin valued travel, then you too may have adopted that value and plan regular excursions. If your family didn’t value travel, then you may have adopted the value of travel because you are “not going to live like they did”.

What experiences have you had in life? Did a close friend die young? An event like this can instill a value of living in the moment with a heightened sense of gratefulness. Have you been cheated on?  A life event like this can instill a value of fidelity or loyalty. Did you get fired from a job unjustly? Your value of loyalty or trust would take a hit.  I am sure you get my point.

Who are you? What have you experienced?

The answer to these questions forms your

personality,

your guiding moral foundations,

your attributes,

and your mental toolkit.

These inform your values, what you care about or not, whether you think about it or not.

Your values inform your decisions and actions.

Our values are on display constantly as we interact with others, choose the programs we watch, choose career paths and pass judgement on ourselves and others. How could interactions with others influence your values? Imagine for a moment you are in the grocery store. You are choosing oranges from the bin when you hear a man interacting with his wife. He is loud and commenting on the fact that she is spending too much money, those are too expensive, can we leave yet and on and on it goes. You glance over at them. You catch her eye and offer that look between women that says “I’m sorry” without having to say a word. You sneer at him. He misses it. In your mind you say, “I’m glad my husband doesn’t act like that in public.” You have displayed two of your values, compassion, and propriety.

Your values come into play each time you pick up the remote to watch a television program. Are you going to watch that movie with mild pornography or tune into a Disney movie? Did you choose a career path in finance? You could choose to help people with their money, or you can choose to make money for yourself. And on and on it goes, a lot of it unconsciously.

Our values influence E V E R Y T H I N G in our lives and they come from our families, our cultures, and our life experiences.

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WHAT ARE VALUES?

I would like to ask, how many of us have spent time defining our values? We go about our lives with a set of rules for our behaviour and the behaviour of others. We all have an innate knowing of right and wrong, but do we ever question what we believe or why we think this way?

Values are the individual beliefs that motivate us to act in specific ways. Values are a guide for our behavior. There are two types of values: personal values and cultural values. Personal values are our own beliefs about right and wrong. Cultural values are those that we accept by the societies we grow up in. These values vary by both place and context and are just as powerful as personal values. Religious and company values are examples of cultural values. Types of personal values include individual values and group values – such as groups of friends or family.

Some values have fundamental worth, such as love, truth, and freedom. “Other values, such as ambition, responsibility, and courage, describe traits or behaviors that are instrumental as means to an end.” (“Values – Ethics Unwrapped”) Intrinsic values are those which are rewarding, such as creativity, social justice, and connection with nature. Extrinsic values are centered on external approval or rewards, such as wealth, social status, self image, and personal security. “Other values are considered sacred and are moral imperatives for those who believe in them.” (“Values – Ethics Unwrapped”) Consider your religious values, spiritual values, or patriotic values. Sacred values will seldom be compromised.

Values are universally recognized as a driving force in all decision-making. Ethical decision-making involves weighing values against each other and choosing which values to elevate. Conflicts result when people have different values, leading to a clash of preferences and priorities. For example, my ex-husband would help friends on occasion. I used to get upset when he would lend a helping hand fully expecting to get something in return. I could not believe he did nothing for others out of the kindness of his heart. I figured out that I valued serving others with no expectation of anything in return.

Values and beliefs drive everything we think, feel, drive, wear, our reactions, what we say and what we do. Two people can look at the same event and see thing completely different. The difference is beliefs and values. What you believe about a situation and what you value makes you see things differently. If you value something and want more of it, you have linked it to pleasure. If you value something and think it is something to avoid, you have linked it to pain.

“Each person is unique, and we value things differently. This can be source of conflict or comfort. We are comfortable around people who have similar values and are usually in conflict with those whose values are different. We move toward what give us pleasure and away from what gives us pain.”       (Source: Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within Chapter 59)

Values affect our personal relationships. We bring a set of rules into every connection we make. Rules bring expectations. We have pet peeves and ideas of how things “should” be. Sometimes these rules are valid, other times they are trivial. We tend to impose our personal values on others without telling them about our expectations or needs. Disappointment and frustration are always the result. Have you ever thought or said something like, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do that?” That is a value that we expect others to follow. Have you ever been upset because someone did not do something they said they would do? You were upset because your value of integrity was compromised.

Here are a few EXAMPLES OF VALUES

Learning: If you are constantly finding ways to feed your mind with new information and enjoy talking to others so you can discover more about them, learning is likely one of your important personal values.

Individuality: Do you “march to the beat of your own drummer” and reject the status quo? If you define yourself strictly by your own standards and consistently disregard what others believe is the “right way” to live your life, you value individuality.

Independence: The concept of freedom, including physical, emotional, or financial freedom, is important to you. You live a life where the only limit is yourself and you pull from your strength and perseverance to make things happen.

Generosity: If one of your personal values is generosity, you embody the belief that the secret to living is giving and you likely spend time volunteering, donating, or finding other ways to give back.

Knowing the answer to the question, “What are your values?” and being able to define our own personal set of rules is essential to building healthy, long-term relationships. When our values do not complement those around us, conflict often develops. And when our rules become unreasonable and make our relationships more difficult, then we need to evaluate and consider re-shaping our beliefs and values, so they create more harmony. Please note, that it is not always up to you to reshape your beliefs and values. Relationships are a two-road highway, not a one-way street. It is never wrong to evaluate and consider our values. It is wrong to change your values and beliefs based on the opinions of others without taking time for consideration and evaluation.

Check in next week for our next installment on values, “Where Do Values Come From?”

Do you have a comment, something to ad or an insight? We would love to hear what you have to say.

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Hello World

We are all wounded women at some level. Sometimes the wounds can be seen. Sometimes the wounds of the heart can only be felt but influence us in our thoughts and the way we act daily. True healing comes with a change in the way we think, act and live. Your thoughts become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your life. 

Do you find yourself in need of non-judgmental ear? Do you feel life has been unfair to you? Do you believe your pain will never end? Do you second guess your decision? Are you even able to make decisions? Do you feel undermined? When you look to the future, what do you see? Do you feel your sense of loss is so great, it is consuming you? Do you believe you’ve lost your sense of self? Are you in pain? Do you feel like your body has betrayed you?

If you answered yes to even one of these questions, this is the place for you. We envision a tribe of women who have risen out of challenging life altering traumatic experiences. Our mission is to guide women who have experienced traumatic circumstances to heal, rise and thrive. We guide women on the path to avoid the pitfalls, give a boost over the boulders and let you balance yourself so you can walk, skip and sing along the road less travelled.

There is joy to be had. This joy is yours for the asking, for the taking. It belongs to you. You deserve it. You are worthy of it. It is within you. We would love to support you as you uncover your joy.