Wounded Women Rising

Wounded Women Rising

A Wounded Women's Way to Wisdom

Handling Life
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The Sweet Smell of Success

How do you spell Success? How do you define success?  Each of us has our own definition of success.  Our view of success comes from what we value. What we value comes from our belief patterns.

Today I want to share a few success stories from the women in our group.

One of the values that each of these women share is tenacity or resilience. The ability to bounce back from disasters, disappointment, divorce, and the despair that often cloaks those hard events in our life.  These ladies made a decision that was right for them. It took courage.  It took listening to their own counsel, as often other people told them it couldn’t be done. It took prayer and faith that the outcome would be good.

These women made bold decisions, and with perseverance achieved their desires. Sometimes in life, we don’t realize the talents, abilities or skills we possess until we are put to the test.  If we stay in the same position, and don’t stretch ourselves, our physical muscles will atrophy.  If we don’t expand beyond our current thoughts, how can we grow? If we don’t try, we will die.  

All new experiences, take an effort.  How many times have you had a thought, or desire, and squashed it before it had time to germinate.  It is in our nature to protect ourselves from perceived danger.  However, often the perceived danger is an illusion. It is a culmination of tangled emotion, fears, generational mores of “this is the way something is done”. Don’t rock the boat, or cause a fuss, and heavens above, don’t bring attention to yourself.  

If you are told, sit down and be quiet repeatedly, eventually you comply. One acquiesces, however the desire to express the goal, desire, dream, does not go away.  It festers. It may be stagnant for many years or decades. The dream may lie dormant, until you give it the time, attention, diligence, and yes love, that both you and the dream need to bloom. 

Yet, as these women and many others have shown us, when the opportunity arises take the leap. Better yet when, in confidence, you decide you will live differently, doing that which your heart desires and create the opportunity by your new way of thinking.  Success, joy, excitement, and a life well-lived awaits.  I am excited to share with you these lovely ladies and their heart felt success stories.

My friend, Lori who has a philosophy of lifelong learning, and a strong desire to be of service made the decision at age 60 to go to university and get her law degree.  Lori will graduate this April as she is called to the bar.  It has been a tough three years of study. Some of the biggest hurdles she overcame had to due with finding housing in different cities. She studied in Toronto, London and in Windsor.  She did love interacting with the young students who were her classmates.  They too loved being with her, as they experienced the love and wisdom, she brought to all their group assignments.  Lori has her teaching degree, and taught and administered in a private school, which she and her ex-husband had started.  She taught in the public school system. She is a licensed wedding officiant, a pastor, and has her real estate license.  

Yes, I admire and am often in awe of her energy, her joie de vie, her incredible faith, and her unwavering friendship.   This September she will be competing in a body building competition.  Lori has overcome life experiences that could have been crippling. Instead, she chooses to draw strength from adversity.  She is strong in body, mind and spirit.  Several years ago, she read and was inspired by Heather McCallion’s book,” Hurricane Hazel, A Life with Purpose”. Heather McCallion lived to age 101, and was the longest serving mayor of Mississauga, Ontario.

Lori often asks me, “What do you want to do with the next 30 years of your life?” “Have you uncovered your purpose?”  Lori motivates me to higher expectations then what I would hold for myself.  I am so grateful for that.  

Our next woman holds her dedication to her family as her north star.  She is devoted to her children and grandchildren. Her artist ability colours all aspects of her life. She is loyal, indefatigable, and generous.  Her dream to own her home has been a part of her for as long as I can remember.  As children she would arrange and re-arrange the furniture in our room. She painted a beautiful mural on the bedroom wall. Her desire to have her own space, where she could be her authentic, artistic, kind, glorious self has been in her conversation forever. 

I don’t know that my sister, Jane even realizes how inspirational, self motivated and passionate she is.  She always finds a way. She has sewn cushions for the chairs she stripped, sanded and varnished. She is an innovator. If something needs to be done, she will find a way to do it.

These past few years she has renovated a trailer, learning new skills like metal turning.  She was one of the first girls to take shop class in high school and won the Industrial Arts award for her projects.  She also chose to pursue a new education and career after age 50.  Last year Jane made the leap to purchase her own condo. Of course, it is getting the Designed by Jane treatment. She has created a sanctuary for herself and her grandchildren to thrive there.  Her dream is coming to fruition, as she and her environment blooms.  I am so excited for her.  Her sense of humour and dogged determination help her overcome the many obstacles she has encountered.  Her “Yes, I can” attitude is infectious.  She brings optimism, light, and enthusiasm to all she encounters.

Many of us has been through trials and tribulations, this woman has had more than her share. 

SevaRam discovered her spiritual path and her spiritual gift as she was searching for ways to deal with post-partum depression.  SevaRam is an inspirational leader.  She teaches meditation, and the importance of stilling the mind to calm the body. She started a group for heart led women entrepreneurs called HeartSpace CoLab so we can share our experiences, our tech finds, our wins and our struggles and learn how to be an online presence. 

She encourages all to persevere even when the road is rough.  She shares her vulnerability.  Her courses and offerings are very well-received. She practices what she preaches.  Her passion for helping others shines through in all she does.  She is a pioneer in what she is doing. A thought leader, who is led by her heart.  She is proof, success is what you make it.

I salute these women who have all defined their version of success.  How sweet it is.

How sweet they are, as they and their dreams bloom, infusing joy and the brightening the lives of all they encounter. 

What dream will you fertilize today, so it will bloom in your future? Your success awaits.

Handling Life
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Courage

Courage what does that word mean to you?

We live in world which holds images of super heroes in high regard. Science fiction stories or movies with, lots of illustrations of women welding their swords in the air, ready to smite injustice, and stand for righteousness sell out with each new offering.  Wonder Woman, Storm, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Laura Kroft are instantly recognizable. Why is it that the concept of super woman is appealing?  In fact, it has become part of our vernacular: “Being a super-Mom”, “What is your super power?”

Is this superwoman concept something to which we wish to aspire?  These are fictional characters.

They are portrayed with principles or values that may be appealing to us, however.

Strength, loyalty, integrity and courage are values we can strive to incorporate in our lives.

Courage is the capacity to persist despite the fear, suffering, pain or failure.  A courageous person may feel fear; however, they choose to do the thing anyways.  Courage can also be the capacity to think, act or be different than the norm.  In other blogs we have acknowledged that throughout history, the norm has not been the best way.  It is okay to think for yourself. To base your decisions on your own experience and contemplate your actions with faith and discernment takes courage.

If you feel you lack courage, there are ways to exercise it and increase it in your daily life. You may want to encourage your internal lion.

Stretch out of your comfort zone – make one small decision or action towards that which you wish to achieve.  Open your mind so that you are at least able to consider a different way of doing something.   It may be as simple as taking a new way home or as complex as considering a course to lead to a new career.  Be open.

You could choose to have the courage to speak to people about topics that may not be popular. If things need to be changed to improve life, your life and others you care about. It may take a good bit of courage to have those discussions.

Courage to forgive the past, so you can live in the present without the heartache, bitterness or anger , regret or shame.  You are not the same person you were then, that person is gone, so let her go.

Every choice we make may not be the best choice. That’s ok.  Have the courage to choose and if you realize an error or find a better way, then redirect, reset your direction, and have the courage to admit your mistake.  We all make mistakes. We fall, we fail, we get back up {and look around to see if anyone saw us tumble}, we begin again but not from the start.

You have collected experience and wisdom along the way.  The courage to recognize that not all change can be seen immediately.  It takes courage to persevere, to keep going especially when things get tough.  So often when we don’t get immediate returns on our efforts, we give up.  You may try something once, and state that it didn’t work. Any new habit, or lifestyle change takes on average 3 months to take effect and see the results. The results are happening, you just don’t see them yet. Stick with it. Remember life often looks darkest before the dawn. Share with Rose and I what you would like to be courageous in, we will encourage you. Lions stay with their pride and the lioness can be the most courageous in leading her family.

Here’s a wee poem to inspire you to let your inner lion out.

Courage

Courage to say no

Courage to let go

Courage to believe

Courage to succeed

Courage to unwind

Courage to un whine /wine

Courage to address

That which makes us best

Courage to Love with

Unfettered heart

Knowing , having faith

You can always restart.

Handling Life
Featured

Spring  Renewal and Regrowth

Spring – the words itself invokes visions of light, green growth, shoots of flowers, and plants

peaking up out of the dark earth.  The scent of fresh air, and damp soil. The melodious song of so many different kinds of birds filling the morning with their cacophony of joy.

The warmth of the sun’s rays beckoning us to come outside, shed your jackets, coats, sweaters and boots.  Feel the warm of the sun and a gentle breeze caress your face.

Leave your worries to embrace this new day. This new opportunity for growth, renewal and fresh, creative ideas.   This time for play.  For within play is afforded the space for creativity.

Spending time with children allows us to view the world with their eyes of innocent and wonder.  They don’t concern themselves with the latest election polls, the cost of things or whatever the latest media disaster or distraction is.   They are simply joyful in the moment.

Walk with a child in the woods, or a beach or in a backyard and discover how they act? What bugs attract them, ladybug or beetles? What sounds do they pay attention to?  What thoughts do they share with you?  Listen, and explore this world which holds a natural rhythm that is for our benefit.

Walk with yourself or a friend and let your inner child be refreshed, cherished and listened to.  Yes, give yourself permission to be goofy. To jump in those puddles, to stoop to smell the crocuses, snowdrops, and the glorious scent of the  hyacinths in bloom. This is our season of renewal. What would you like to renew?  What would you like to bring new life to?

A forgotten friendship?  A passion for painting or photography?  A spiritual journey?  Perhaps you want to teach a skill, or learn a new skill?  What would the kid in you like to do? Is this the year you join a softball team?

We can plant seeds in this the springtime of our life.  We can expect new growth and have expectations of harvesting future bounty.  That is called hope.  Hope Springs Eternal.

It is not a coincidence that after a winter of isolation, hibernation and Netflix that we crave a new experience.  Spring and the increase of sunlight in this hemisphere does create a quickening of the blood, a desire for something new, a spring fling mentality.  Go outside. Get some sunshine. Breathe that fresh clean ionized air.  Allow a renewal of your state of mind and spirit.  The season is changing.  You can choose to change with it.

As you put away your boots, and bring out your sandals – can you permit yourself to walk lighter?  Can you put away some of the worries that hold you down? Most of the things we worry about, never come to pass. Release them and renew our minds with light and loving thoughts.  Let that child-like sense of wonder stay with us.  Foster it. Fertilizer the acts of kindness that make our hearts sing like those birds in the morning.

Listen to your inner wisdom, asking the Holy Spirit to guide your thoughts.  What new adventure awaits today?  Who can I call and share this happiness of the season with?

What good trouble can I get into?  Where are those puddles?  

Wishing you a joy filled, adventurous, bouncy Spring.

Blog Posts Handling Life
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The Summit

As you go along through life’s busy hours, 

Pause now and then just smell the flowers.

If the road gets rough, or the climb gets steep.

Pause and rest a while, perhaps take a wee sleep.

Don’t stop too long.  Do seize the day

For good things will come along the way.

Don’t tarry, or think there’s not good to be found

The good is out there, just look around.

For in moving forward, the scenery changes,

The next opportunity may be o’er those mountain ranges.

Your experience you will always pack along side you.

The courage to move upward, will take you to the next view.

For on this road of life, remember it is true:

Love lifts you up and God will provide.

But only you can git up off your hide.

You got it in you.  Don’t doubt your ability.

Gather your friends and show off your mobility.

You may have to walk, drag your ass through the mud,

You may scrape your knees, just wipe off the blood.

Keep going my friend. The summit is worth it.

The climb makes the conquer of trials so sweet.

When you look from the top, down that trail that you beat,

The boulders, the briars, the swamp, and the heat.

Rejoice, sing out loud, bang your drum, do a dance

You did it!  Kept faith, and look you are thriving!

Now hold out your hand to the next girl in line,

To reassure her that all will be fine.

Blog Posts Healing Practices
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Watch What You Think

Why do we think the way we think? 

What has informed us? One element of being human is that we are consistently seeking new information.  We think that is knowledge.  The news, social media, libraries, the education systems all exist because of our desire to know.  Curiosity is a good thing.

Well, maybe not for cats.

Do we believe things just because we are told that those things are true? How many things throughout history that have been believed to be true are false?  They are so far from being true that in some ways we cannot fathom that people believed them.  For centuries, it was believed that women were less intelligent than men. It was believed that certain cultures or races were less intelligent than the race in power at the time.  It was believed that the earth was the centre of the universe.   These were presented as facts.  Yet these presumed facts are as far from the truth as can be.

History shows us that just thinking something is so, does not make it so.  

You have heard it said that your thoughts create your actions, your actions create your habits, and your habits create your life.   What are those thoughts that are creating your actions?  What is the recording that is playing in the background of our mind?  Where did those thoughts come from?  Are those thoughts true?

 It is worthwhile to examine those thoughts which we hold to be true. Joe Dispenza says to mediate is to become familiar with.  Are we even familiar with the thoughts that percolate though our mind?   As a mother, how often have we said to our children, usually when trying to correct behavior; “Now you sit there, and think about it”. Think about what? Without giving them guidance on how to address an issue or solve a problem, or change their perceived correct response, how can they be expected to think any differently?   Is this not true for ourselves?

In the book, A Course in Miracles, it states in one of the 365  lessons  “All my thoughts are past thoughts”.   Unless we are willing to introduce or imagine a new way of thinking, we are destined to repeat the same thoughts. Fortunately, this book does teach ways of changing our thought patterns.

The mind, the body and the spirit are not separate.  They are intertwined by a constant, cascade of intelligent energy.   There has been much research on how the state of this synchronized and harmonious activity between the heart, brain, and other physiological systems affect the body.  When the heart and brain are in coherence, it can have profound effects on both physical and emotional well-being.  When the heart and the brain are in a state of coherence levels of stress hormones, such a cortisol decrease, and the levels of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine increase.  In other words, I feel good. I can think clearly. I am calm. My mind is creative. I can solve problems.  My relationship with myself and others improves.

This wholeness of heart, mind and spirit is wellness.  This energy informs our cells. It is the energy of life.  To heal is to make whole.  There is no separation of heart, mind or spirit.

Therefore, the thoughts do influence our heart.  And our heart influences our thoughts.

Something to think about.

Emotions Handling Life
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Death :  End or Beginning?

In the last week of January, Rose’s mother passed into glory, my father-in-law passed away, and Sue’s Dad went to be with the Lord.  And, a dear friend of ours passed suddenly and unexpectedly. A great understanding of death has occurred.  Our version of what death is, is attributed to our perception of what life is.  If you hold the belief of life after death, if you believe you are a spirit in a body, and that the spirit is connected to God eternally, death loses it sting.  Death is not the end. It is the spirit’s return from where it came.  It is the circle completed.  

If one does not have a belief beyond the life of the body, there is nothing else.  Death of a loved one can be such an empty, lonely, pit of despair.  I am witnessing how when one has no belief in the afterlife, in heaven, or in God, how painful the death of a beloved can be.

Faith soothes the hurt.  Yes, of course, we are sad that our loved ones have gone from the earth. Yes, we will miss them.  The comfort of knowing that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, is exactly that, comfort.  This is what I hold onto in times of grief. It strengthens me when I am weak.

Let’s be clear, I still experience all the emotions.  Anger certainly reared its head over the past few weeks.   The song lyrics,” Get your house in order for the coming of the Lord”, keep repeating in my head. Sadness, compassion and empathy have also visited. Joy too, as we remembered the fun that was shared over the years.

There is a responsibility that each of us has to the ones remaining on earth after our passing.

First, I believe it is important that the people you love, know you love them.  Speak IT.  Tell them.

While you are alive. Don’t wait. Why make someone wait for something so important to their mental and emotion wellbeing?  It benefits us all to know that we are loved and lovable.  Three simple words “I love you” while looking in their eyes, make a world of difference to the one receiving and increases the love in the one giving.

Speak clearly to your loved ones. Let them know how important they are to your life. Let them know you are proud of them.  Write a note if you cannot speak the words.  You show love through actions.  That means, follow through with your words.  My father-in-law would bring home made food to us often. That was his love language. He wanted us to sit , eat and have a drink with him, to enjoy life.

Do the work so your financial affairs are set up properly and accurately.  The frustration, stress, and time required to chase down essential forms, and sort through a mess of paperwork is an unnecessary burden for those left grieving.   Wills, Power of Attorney, both for Property and Personal Care are essential legal documents.  Make sure they are current and up to date. and the people who are appointed can perform all the duties the job of Estate Executor requires.

Have your bank accounts, investment accounts, and debts and assets in a file, easily accessible.  When I was a Life Insurance and Financial Advisor, CLU., I would give clients a thick binder with plastic insert pages which would hold their policies and important documents.  It made the transition process streamline for the family.  All vital documents in one place.

There are a great number of government forms to be completed upon death.  The funeral home director or consultant does help with Canadian Pension death benefit, and some other government forms. A lawyer will help to advise on the execution of the Will.  The executor does the work to find the assets, liabilities, properties, get assessments of valuables, and so on. 

A good life insurance agent will assist you in completing policy claims forms and following up with the carrier.   Remember to look for other death benefits, pension death benefits, some credit cards have life insurance portions on them. If death was a result of a car accident, car insurance claims forms need to be completed.   

The final income taxes must be filed.  The estate may be subject to probate which is another tax. It can take a year or more before an estate is probated and able to be dispersed.   

The stress of deadlines to submit claims, forms and taxes, penalties for late submission, and bank tellers who are uncooperative simply add more grief to a person who just wants to remember their Dad, Mom, or beloved. In all of this lots of emotion may surface; some may surprise you.

There are many and varied rituals around death.  These come from our beliefs, our culture, and the accepted practice in your community.  A funeral mass, prayer service, visitation at the funeral home, a wake, a Celebration of Life are for the family and friends as much as for the deceased. Some Indigenous tribes in Canada offer tobacco or other plant medicines to ease the transfer to the spirit world.  In the Hindu culture the spirit is reborn on earth.  Filipino and Chinese and Jamaican customs hold the 9th day ceremony when the spirit goes to into the spirit world. In Mexico death is so integrated with life, many festivals revolve around the ancestors who have gone before into the afterlife.  There are so many traditions and rituals I cannot name them all here.  The line that connects us is that the Spirit is acknowledged, honoured and celebrated.   Today many people are choosing their own method of acknowledging a life and grieving a loss of life.

My friend, Robin’s Celebration of Life was the most loving, joyful, kind, peaceful and inspiring event I have attended, ever.   Robin touched so many lives with his loving kindness, and spirit of joy, and humour.  Robin was a healer who lived to inspire us to be our best, most humble selves.  Friends and relations at his Celebration, sang songs written for him and his young daughter, they played guitars, read poems, shared stories, and yes, we danced, as Robin loved to dance.  We even had a laughing Budda yoga moment.  Yes, there were a few tears, tears are healing too. We hugged one another and felt the love that was very present in that room.  I believed we all left feeling connected to each other and inspired to do more good works with our time here on earth.   Thank you to Robin’s family for giving us this opportunity. It, like Robin, made an impact on our lives.

In the weeks and months that follow the death of a loved one, it is important to be aware of your own well being.  Forgive the mistakes, yours and theirs. Don’t harbour bitterness, it hurts you on a cellular level. It takes time to do this kind of healing. Grief wears many faces. Be conscious of what you are feeling. Acknowledge it.  This past week an immense fatigue has come upon my husband and I. Rose too is exhausted as she has been balancing her Mom’s illness, and her own responsibilities.  We have been dealing with hospitals, caring for the other family members, managing all the necessary pieces required to keep the physical, emotional and financial wheels on the cart for everyone.  This juggling has been going on for a long time.  We are tired.  We are not sure what the future will hold but I do believe through it all God holds us.

Vati, we love you and will miss you.  Mom, Rose knows you are with God, she is grateful for all you taught her.  Sue, you know how your Daddy shaped so many lives with his life’s mission, yours included. Robin we will remember you in the dance.

  Love heals all.   God is love and anyone who lives in love lives in God, and God lives in him.  1 John 16

Handling Life
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Coping With Chaos: A Guide for Wounded Women

How many times in the past few years have you wished you could unplug from the chaos surrounding you?

I remember thinking that I just wanted to get off the merry-go-round. I could not get a grip, a hold on anything. And I doubted everything.

When my wasband was having an affair, I knew it deep in my soul. Even though I knew it, I could not prove it. With no proof, I convinced myself that I was imagining it. But there was that niggling deep down that something was very wrong.

The thoughts that spun around in my mind were chaotic. I suffered. I suffered because I did not know what to believe, including myself. The questions assaulted me day and night. The how’s, the who’s, the what’s, the why’s. Even the question of “What did I do to cause this?”

The chaos leaked over from my mind into my life. At one point I felt completely immobilized. Then, the proof began to rise to the surface. I felt vindicated by the proof, but it did not quiet the chaos. A whole new onslaught of “stinking thinking” took over. I wanted off the merry-go-round and I wanted off NOW!

Chaos refers to a state of disorder, confusion, or unpredictability. It manifests in various forms, disrupting your sense of order and the stability that we look for.

For wounded women, emotional chaos is a prevalent aspect of our lives. This impact of trauma leads to a wide range of intense feelings such as fear, anxiety, anger, and deep sadness. These emotions can surface unexpectedly, contributing to our sense of internal turmoil.

Chaos can be triggered by unexpected events or reminders of past trauma. The unpredictable nature of these triggers adds an element of instability, making it challenging for you to predict and manage your emotional responses.

Chaos extends to all our relationships, with trust issues, difficulties in forming connections, and challenges in keeping healthy boundaries. The aftermath of trauma can affect the way wounded women engage with others, leading to interpersonal struggles and a sense of uncertainty in our social circles.

Wounded women grapple with the unknown, fearing what might come next. We have spent a lot of time trying to control the daily events of our lives, always predicting the worst-case scenario and planning what we would do when the bomb exploded. This uncertainty can further contribute to a sense of chaos in our lives, even when we are removed from the cause of our trauma. Do you feel unable to anticipate or control the challenges ahead?

Trauma shakes the foundations of our identity, leading to a profound loss of self. As wounded women we experience the sense of disconnection from who we once were, contributing to a state of existential chaos as we question our purpose, our values, and our place in the world.

Chaos is often cyclical, with one challenge leading to another. We may find ourselves caught in a loop of difficulties, each compounding the other. Breaking this cycle becomes crucial for restoring a sense of order and control.

Understanding the multifaceted nature of chaos is a crucial step in addressing and navigating the impact on our lives. By acknowledging and dissecting the different dimensions of chaos, we can begin to develop strategies for coping, healing, and reclaiming a sense of stability and purpose.

Within the chaos, there is the potential for healing and growth. The journey towards recovery involves navigating the complexities of trauma, facing challenges, and transforming pain into resilience. This dual nature highlights the absurd coexistence of chaos and potential renewal.

Acknowledging and harnessing this potential can empower you on your journey toward recovery. Let’s explore the ways which healing and growth can emerge amid chaos.

Imagine if you could build resilience as the cornerstone of your healing.

Chaos often unveils the natural resilience and strength within individuals. In navigating the complexities of our experiences, we discover an inner determination that allows us to face adversity head-on. This resilience becomes a cornerstone for our healing.

Each challenge inside the chaos offers us an opportunity to learn and grow. As we face difficulties we get new insights, skills, and perspectives. These lessons contribute to our personal development and resilience.

Think of a time when you said no when you usually would have said yes or maybe would have said nothing at all. These times showed you that the world did not fall apart when you took control of your thoughts, values and notions and stood up for yourself. This recognition shows you that you are strong.

How many times did you keep getting up and keep going, after hardship and misfortune? This shows that you are resilient.

The chaos following trauma prompts a deep exploration of our identity. Through introspection and self-discovery, we have the opportunity to redefine who we are. We get to shed old stories and embrace a more authentic sense of who we are. This process is fundamental to the healing journey.

The chaos of trauma often prompts existential questions. When we seek meaning and purpose, we embark on a journey of profound self-reflection. This quest for significance contributes to a sense of direction and clarity, fostering a deeper understanding of our life’s purpose.

Overcoming chaos nurtures a sense of empowerment. As we navigate and conquer challenges, we gain a newfound belief in our ability to overcome adversity. This empowerment becomes a catalyst for further growth.

Nothing causes the development of coping mechanisms more than chaos. In our quest for stability, we often discover healthy coping strategies. Strategies such as a mindfulness practice, creative outlets, or therapeutic interventions. These tools become essential for managing the impact of chaos.

Chaos tends to pull us into the hullabaloo of past traumas or anxieties about an uncertain future. Through mindfulness practices, wounded women can cultivate an awareness of the present moment. The benefit of mindfulness is the reduction of overwhelming emotions and the fostering of a sense of calm amid the chaos.

Healing is often helped through connections with others who understand and empathize. As wounded women we can find solace in support networks— with fellow survivors, friends, and family. Building and nurturing these connections becomes a source of emotional sustenance and shared strength.

Seeking professional help, with a focus on your outcome rather than a reminder of your past, can be a transformative step toward healing. Therapists provide guidance, tools, and a safe space for processing trauma, fostering growth, and facilitating the integration of coping mechanisms.

Chaos often involves significant change. Embracing change as a catalyst for personal transformation allows women to reshape their stories. This adaptability becomes a powerful force for positive change.

The potential for healing and growth during chaos lies in the resilience, self-discovery, empowerment, and connections that emerge through the journey of overcoming trauma. By recognizing and nurturing these aspects, wounded women can navigate the complexities of their experiences and move towards a future marked by strength, purpose, and renewed well-being. We believe that when a woman heals, the world is healed, one woman at a time.

Handling Life
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Easy Ain’t Easy

I discovered a truth recently. Life is not easy. In fact, often the easy path, the less disciplined way brings us more pain in the long run.  What appears easy can hurt more than the actions which are difficult at first.   I have felt this firsthand as I let lapse the fitness program to which I had committed to over a decade.  My flexibility, strength and balance started to be noticeably impaired. My sleep pattern was getting wonky.  My biceps that I had been know for at the gym, started to wither, and wag. I started to believe that perhaps this was what being in the next decade of life brought.  I was certainly starting to buy into that thought. SO, that needed changing fast.  What was I doing differently now from what I had done when I felt fit, and fabulous? What habit had I adapted, and what habit had I abandoned?

True disclosure, since 2020 when the shutdown down occurred, and re-occurred and yes occurred once more just for security reasons, I shut down.  I shut down my social life.  I shut down my physical activity at the gym.  I did run occasionally outside.  I shut down our travel life which was a vital part of my husband’s and my joy of life.   I lost dear friends as they passed, from the planet. Some without any ceremony or celebration to mark their lives. My business was forced to shut down by government regulations, with the added fear of penalty if we were to continue serving our clients in person. Thank God, that Purebioenergy Healing Therapy can be done by distance, allowing me to be of service to people, as it was so desperately needed.  Many people benefitted from that service, me included. 

A new habit of sitting on the couch and watching Trevor Noah and Samantha Bee was created.  A habit which has served its purpose and must now be stopped. Heck, even Trevor Noah has moved on to new things.  You would think that it would be easy.  Just get moving.  I know I need to do this.  I am willing to be willing to change.  Just overcome the inertia.   Choose it and do it.   I had to choose the harder path, the disciplined path.

Here are three examples of how choosing the tougher path, which often is the path less travelled is better for us.  It takes mental discipline.  That old blues song “Easy ain’t easy” is true.  

Physical activity is essential to our strength, mood, and our flexibility in thought and action.

Upon starting or restarting an exercise program, the movements appear difficult. The first set always hurts the most, the second set the muscles are warming up. By the third set, the mind has stopped resisting the change and accepts that it can do the motion.  The muscles fire and the blood courses though the veins, speeding up our breathing, our sweating, and possibly our swearing.  Yet in that moment, I feel good. I did it!  I now know I can. Thus, I not only increase the muscle fiber, as important if not more so, is that I have created the brain belief that I can do this. I wanted to quit at 6 reps but with encouragement from my trainer I did the full 10.  When we have someone to encourage us as we struggle with the difficult bits, we can overcome our desire to quit.  

The next part is the repeat.  Marcus Aurelius tells us, the mind is honed like steel through repetition and practice.  One push up a month will not create a strong physic.  But 10 a week, then 100 a week, then 10 push ups a day for a year will change our physical and our mental outlook.  A strong body does create a strong mind.  Why do people age into frailty? Is it because they stop doing the activity to the degree of discipline they had as a young person?  Is it because they are told they are old? If we didn’t know what age we were, how would we act? In Bali where they have the highest number of elderly fit people in the world, people work, live and are active members of society until they die.  There is a dance teacher who is 83 years old. She says the smiles of the younger students fill her with joy, and she likes dancing for and with them.  Asked if she will retire, she replies Why?  She has danced almost every day of her life since she was 4.  This is a common practice in Bali. Do the difficult thing until it becomes easy to do, then keep doing it. Celebrate and do it again.

Repetition. Any new skills, be it computer skills, learning a new language, a music or art hobby requires repetition and practice.  If you want to change how you think, and how you act, there must be an element of repetition.

When you are making a change to improve your life, you must act. My mentor often says to me, stop thinking, just do.  We can get stuck in the thinking. We can become like stagnant pond water. Thinking the same thoughts over and over, reaffirms those thoughts even when the thoughts are detrimental to our wellbeing.

Action creates the opportunity to bring in oxygen. Oxygen brings life to the pond, and life to us.  Sitting on the couch for extended periods of time harms us, physically, mentally, and socially.  I would add spiritually as well because we are designed to be with other humans.  I can attest to the damage it created, as even my confidence had eroded.

The first action can and probably will be difficult.  Do it despite the difficulty.  Choose to be courageous. A stagnant mind wants to remain stagnant. The belief is that staying the same is easier.  Easier, but at what cost?  The long-term pain offsets the short-term gain. This is truth in so many aspects of our life.

A delayed tax filing creates financial pain in terms of fees, penalties, and interest charges.

A delayed commitment to eating healthy, pure natural food harms the body. The intestines, the metabolic rate, our mental outlook, emotional wellbeing are all connected. “Let your food be your medicine and your medicine be your food.”  This Hippocrates statement can be applied to many levels of well being.

When we eat fast, as opposed to eating fresh, we are losing the opportunity to heal, nourish, and replenish our cells, resulting in the long-term increase of the waistline and the glymphatic waste line, and an increase in blood pressure.  The wallet can suffer too.  Planning and executing a meal program is a discipline that rewards us in so many ways. Your creativity, sense of accomplishment, energy level and enthusiasm are some of the rewards from that one decision.

It takes a brave man to admit he was wrong. The longer it takes to admit our responsibility in relational disputes, to apologize, and to find a peaceful co-existence, the deeper the damage to both self, and the other.  It is the tougher path to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness.  Yet, in doing so, we free ourselves, and the other person, and all the other collateral relationships. Holding on to hurt, and not forgiving also damages us on a cellular level.

Building friendships is a commitment of time, attention and communication. An active social life with meaningful social connections is promoted as one of the secrets to aging well.  Having a group of people who get you, and with whom you can be your authentic self builds your confidence.  Your attention to your friends’ needs, conversations, and shared experiences builds their self-worth. Love your neighbour as yourself and you both win. This too is a disciplined behavior.  It takes effort.  It is easier to turn on the TV and zone out, especially in the winter.  Invite your friends over, have a healthy meal and hearty laugh.

An unexamined life is not worth living, but a good life, is to be chiefly valued. This quote by Socrates behooves us to pause, reflect and correct the habits, thoughts, and actions that would lead to pain for others and ourselves.

As I soak in some Epsom salts to relieve the DOMS, Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness, I am grateful to Heidi for the workouts which will re-establish my muscle mass.

I am grateful to Rose for pushing me to not procrastinate on publishing this article. I am grateful for my husband who is making me a healthy meal, and doing the dishes so that we wake up to a clean kitchen each morning.

I will write my journal. I will remember the poem: “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg says, “Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.”   

Take that step, especially if it is hard, and repeat it. One foot in front of the other.  Your path awaits. 

One of my favorite poems is by Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

The took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though, as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way.
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh,
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in wood, and I –
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Personal Practices
Featured

Eyes on Healing: How Concentrated Focus Ignites the Path to Recovery

I have been having recurring thoughts on the subject of focus. It keeps coming up, multiple times a day. At first, I didn’t pay much attention, however, it kept coming up. I started paying attention. As a result, I have been doing some research on the subject of focus and the role it plays in the healing process. Each year I choose one word, one aspect of my own healing process to focus on. Because of the recurring thoughts and my research, this year my word is FOCUS.

I left my first marriage after years of physical, mental, and emotional abuse. Those first few years were very difficult. I spent a lot of time focusing on the injustices, the abuse against me, my fears, and the pain of my emotions. Every time I focused on the abuse and the battles, I suffered. I spent a lot of years suffering. I spent a lot of years confused and lost. I was one of the walking wounded.

It wasn’t until I began to focus on myself, discovering my strengths, desires and dreams that I stopped suffering. I began to live, all because my focus had changed.

Tony Robbins and other thought leaders often quote, “Where focus goes, energy flows.” We can all find the bad things in life; however, we can also find the good. We get to choose what we focus on. Do you want to focus on all that happened to you or do you want to focus on learning to thrive in spite of the trauma you’ve experienced?  We all have the ability to live a happy life. Focusing on what is good about you is a valuable place to start.

Elliott Connie, author of “The Solution Focused Brief Therapy Diamond” says that when a client focuses on the problem, the trauma, or the reason they reached out to him, they continue to suffer. There is no value in continuing to suffer. There is value in focusing on your best outcome, not a goal, but the outcome. What difference will your outcome make to your life?

Trauma often disrupts a person’s mental and emotional well-being, leading to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and a scattered mind. Focus, in the context of trauma healing is the intentional and concentrated attention directed towards the process of recovery. Focus involves mindfulness, defining your ideal outcomes, and the active reduction of distractions to create a conducive environment for healing.

Focus involves recognizing and nurturing the connection between the mind and body. Focus is about acknowledging the physical and emotional aspects of trauma and directing attention to activities or practices that promote holistic healing.

Distractions often hinder the healing process. We can become experts on personal distraction. Focusing on trauma healing means actively working to reduce and manage external and internal distractions. Any distraction can derail progress. A new relationship can derail your healing in a very big way. Focus also means maintaining a sense of presence and awareness even when facing challenges or triggers. It’s the ability to navigate difficult moments with a clear and intentional mindset.

Setting clear intentions is a key component of focus in trauma healing. This involves visualizing the desired outcome of the healing process and actively working towards that vision.

There is a definite mind-body connection connected to trauma. Focused attention on the mind-body connection is crucial to the healing process. Mindfulness practices are linked to reduced stress levels. When you concentrate on the present moment, it helps alleviate the physical and psychological impacts of stress, promoting a sense of calm. Focused attention fosters a strong mind-body connection. This connection empowers you to actively take part in your healing process, recognizing the interplay between emotional experiences and physical sensations.

Focused attention allows you to see and understand your emotions without judgment. Self-awareness is a key part of emotional regulation. Self-awareness enables you to respond to your feelings in a more controlled and constructive manner. You gain control over your emotions once again. What felt out of control is now manageable. Awareness is the key.

Focused attention encourages self-compassion by allowing you to approach your thoughts and emotions with kindness and understanding. This shift in perspective contributes to a more positive and nurturing relationship with yourself. The regular practice of focused attention techniques contributes to the development of resilience. Resilience equips you with tools to navigate challenges, bounce back from adversity, and cultivate a positive outlook on your healing journey. With focused attention your emotional well-being improves.  Emotional well-being can positively affect your social interactions. You may find yourself better equipped to connect with others, express your needs, and build supportive relationships.

Trauma often disrupts sleep patterns. Focused attention, especially in relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation, contribute to improved sleep quality. Healing techniques such as Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy, that heal the body, mind and emotions are excellent therapies for better sleep patterns. Better sleep supports overall physical and emotional well-being. You can connect with Judy Johnston to book your Pure Bioenergy Healing Therapy session.

Have you tried mindful breathing? Let us take one minute to engage in a mindful breathing exercise. When you do a mindful breathing exercise throughout your day you are focusing your attention on one thing. This calms your nervous system, any anxiety or angst, and teaches you how to focus on one thing and only one thing. I am providing a one-minute video with beautiful music to get you started.

WATCH AND LISTEN

Another mindfulness exercise you can do is a body scan meditation. In a body scan meditation, you pay attention to each part of your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head. Notice any sensations without judgment. This practice enhances body awareness and can help release tension. This is a 5-minute body scan meditation for you to try.

LAY DOWN AND LISTEN

If you like to walk, try mindful walking. Pay attention to the sensation of each step, the movement of your body, and the surrounding environment. Walking mindfully can help anchor you in the present moment. One of my loves is to mindfully walk through the bush, taking in the smells, the sights, the sounds, the feeling of the earth beneath my feet and the fresh air. Bookmark this meditation or download it to your phone, put on a pair of headphones and your comfortable walking shoes and head outside for a walk.

WALK AND LISTEN

Incorporate mindful movement practices into your routine. Activities like yoga, Tai Chi, or Qigong combine physical movement with breath awareness, promoting relaxation and flexibility.

YOGA FOR ANXIETY AND STRESS

TAI CHI

QIGONG

Cultivate a daily gratitude practice. Take a few moments each day to reflect on things you are grateful for. This practice shifts your focus towards the positive aspects of life, fostering a sense of appreciation. Journaling gratitude with a mindful approach involves seeing your day, your thoughts, and your emotions without judgment. Write down what you are grateful for. Take it a step further and write about your daily experiences, any aspirations you may have, and insights gained during the healing journey.

Be mindful and intentional about your use of technology. Take breaks from screens. Practice digital detoxification. Be mindful of the content you consume. Resist the urge to scroll mindlessly. At night, keep your phone in another room. If you use your phone as your alarm, set your phone on the other side of the room, out of reach or in the bathroom. Set the volume louder. You will hear it. You also have to get up to turn it off. Mindful technology use supports a healthier relationship with the digital world.

Remember that consistency is key when incorporating mindfulness practices into daily life. Start with small steps, gradually increasing the duration and variety of practices as they become integrated into your routine. The goal is to make mindfulness a natural part of your day, supplying ongoing support for your healing journey. These are just a few methods of mindfulness practices. Pick one to start. If you don’t like it move on to something else. This is your mindful practice. Make it as unique and beautiful as you are.

Focused healing requires concentrating on specific outcomes related to your recovery. This could involve setting intentions, naming areas that need attention, and working towards achieving milestones in your healing journey. This could include visualizing the life you want to have. Write down your dreams and desires. Do not judge what you write down. Do not try to figure out how you will achieve your dreams and desires. This practice is to develop your sense of self and open your heart up to possibilities. Keep your dreams and desires to yourself – at least for now. You do not want others to poop on your ideas. This is your healing journey. No one has any input into this journey but you. Judy and I are here to give you ideas and options. You decide how you want your healing journey to evolve.

In the tapestry of trauma healing, focus emerges as the guiding thread, weaving through the intricate patterns of recovery. Like a steady compass, intentional attention directs you towards the core of their healing journey, illuminating the path with clarity and purpose.

In the realm of mindfulness, the power of focused awareness becomes a transformative force, untangling the knots of emotional turmoil and grounding the mind in the present moment. Through practices that nurture this focus—be it mindful breathing, body scan meditations, or the intentional cultivation of gratitude—you not only control your healing but you also forge a profound connection between the realms of the physical and the emotional. With each deliberate breath, every step taken mindfully, and the conscious choice to navigate distractions, the importance of focus manifests as a catalyst for resilience and self-discovery. It is in this focused embrace of the present that the healing journey transcends mere recovery, evolving into a profound awakening where you confidently rediscover your essence and reclaim ownership of your narrative.

Handling Life
Featured

The Perfect Gift

This is traditionally the season of giving. In the world in which we live, there can be an external pressure to perceive that giving must have a financial cost to it. The idea of the bigger the better is really promoted at this time of year.

I remember when I was in the financial planning industry, sitting with clients who had repeatedly accumulated debt every holiday season. In an attempt to provide the perfect holiday, and the perfect gifts they exceeded their means.  The cost of the debt, which compounded with interest, increased exponentially causing a huge amount of stress on the families. The interest on credit cards, or even lines of credit add up quickly to a great deal of money. An expenditure which brings us no value. Parents worked extra hours, took on secondary incomes, which increased their stress levels, resulting in time away from their families, and feeling exhausted and grouchy when they were with their family. No time left for friends or enjoying the moment. Stress takes a physical toll on our bodies, minds, emotions, and energy.

Ironically, kids don’t really remember that trending toy – that eventually and inevitably gets relegated to the back of the closet.  I recently had a conversation with our 25-year-old son, and what he remembered was the year we had a sleigh ride with real horses and our friend Gail’s, German shepherd dog named Bear who kept our feet warm by sitting on us. That was a great day.

The best gift you can give is the gift of you. Your time, your talent, your attention, your love, your presence. To be fully present, put your phone down and lift your face up. We connect with each other though sight, sound, and touch. And smell, the limbic part of the brain is directly connected to the olfactory glands of the nose. The limbic system is a group of structures in the brain that governs emotions, motivation, olfaction, and behavior. It is also involved in the formation of long-term memory.

This is why certain scents can trigger memories. What scent do you affiliate with the holidays?

Here are some ideas on how you can create a holiday memory that will give significant receiver appreciation, without sending your bank account into receivership.

Think Outside the Box

We often overlook the gifts we have to offer. What skill do you possess that can benefit another person?

Giving a few lessons in what you love to do can impact another person in such a significant way. Can you play the guitar? The piano or drums? What about showing your teenager how to prepare a meal from scratch? One on one time with them and no other siblings. Play music, theirs, and yours while you are cooking up some jambalaya in the kitchen.

Baking, music making, craft time, woodworking, soap making, crocheting, sewing, knitting, stained glass, coin collecting, painting both for art and a room. The list is endless. These are all activities that you can do together, where the beneficiary of the activity reaps dividends. They get time with you, building relationships, learn a new skill which they can continue to use or even teach to someone else.

Take a course together. Find a workshop that interests you both.

Exercise with your loved one. The month my daughter and I did a remote yoga class together was fantastic.

Do a charitable activity together. Gift wrapping at the mall, food delivery, so many charities need help.

As the interest in whole foods increases, showing a loved one the art of gardening brings edible rewards from May to November. The thrill of tasting that first crunchy sweet carrot planted from seed, watered, tilled, then harvested, and washed under the hose is amazing.

Many grandparents are choosing to take the grandchildren on an outing or an experience instead of a under the tree type gift. Rose taught her grandchildren to ski. One at a time.

She also took the 4 of them to an indoor water park. Giving a child-free weekend to her kids, while having a fabulous fun whale of a time with the little ones.

This idea of gifting time and talent can flow up hill as well. Most kids today are experts on their computers and their phones. Those skills are now needed by the grandparents as almost everything is done on-line now. An hour or two of computer lessons will add more value to grannie’s life than another cardigan.

Time outside is essential too. Walk in nature, go see the Lights, play in the snow, or on the beach depending on where you live. Play outdoor games with each other. My neighbour organized a circuit training course for her two boys so they can exercise together, while apart. Physical activity burns off tension and anxiety. It creates laughter so moods improve, and everyone gets along better when they are in the groove.

Learn to give a great massage. Hand massages are so appreciated by people who spend hours on the keyboard. Foot/ reflexology massages relax the whole body, improve sleep, reduce stress and most people love them. Couple it with a custom aromatherapy blend and the experience is sheer bliss. FYI, I can teach you this.

If you know a tradesman and your mom needs a new kitchen cabinet, can you trade skills such as an hour or two organizing for some cabinet making? Think creatively.

Granted some of these ideas may be a bit late for this season. But an idea shared is never lost. It increases in the sharing.

Let’s look at Value. Time with a loved one is the most valuable thing. Period. Often, we don’t recognize this until our loved one is gone. I wish I could bake one more pie with my Mom or learn to be a better photographer or listen to my Dad play the harmonica. Time goes by quickly. We do not know how much time we get. Use your time wisely.

The pride of accomplishment, the life skill learned, the time together, the laughter, the love and that joy, unending joy is in the gift. Give the gift of you. It is the perfect gift.