let it go

Featured

YOU’VE GOT THE POWER

Rose 11/09/2023 11/09/2023

Believe it or not, you have power. For those of us who have experienced traumatic events we may believe we have no power, no choices, no say. I grew up in an era when women had very little power. Our roles were defined by the men in our lives, dads, bosses or husbands. I was told and shown that my thoughts did not matter. I was to do what my husband said, even if it meant it was dangerous, harmful, painful, or just plain wrong. When it did become dangerous and painful, I was told by other men to go back to my husband, the person who inflicted the pain and almost killed me. I honestly believed I had no power. I was smart enough, however, to not go back.

Some of us gave our power away because we believed life would be simpler if we did. Life would be less chaotic, less painful. In hindsight the opposite was true. When a woman gives away her power it leads to many circumstances that seriously damage her life.

At Wounded Women Rising, the identity crisis a woman experiences after trauma is eliminated as her body heals, her emotions calmed and her mind released so she confidently knows who she is and what she wants. This confidence is your personal POWER. Think of it as—your SUPERPOWER. Regaining a sense of power and control after trauma significantly boosts self-confidence. As you become more empowered, you are better equipped to make choices that align with your values and desires, ultimately increasing your self-esteem.

Personal power equips you with the ability to advocate for yourself. This is particularly important when it comes to seeking help, setting boundaries, and making decisions about your own healing journey. Trauma often leads to an identity crisis, where a woman loses a sense of who she is. Addressing power can help a woman rediscover her identity and develop a more authentic self, free from the constraints of the trauma. And isn’t that one of our definitive goals, to be free from the constraints of the trauma?

Dr. Gabor Maté offers insight on trauma. He says, “Trauma is not the bad things that happened to you; trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” Trauma is a deeply impactful experience that affects the lives of women on multiple levels, including emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Dr. Gabor Maté’s quotes emphasize the idea that trauma is not just about the external events but also the internal responses and effects it has on an individual’s well-being. Trauma leaves us with intense and overwhelming emotions. Flashbacks and intrusive memories often invade our lives. Some women feel disconnected from their bodies, thoughts and emotions, which is a protective response to the trauma.

The stress response of a traumatized woman can manifest itself as physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomach-aches, muscle tension, and even chronic pain. Prolonged release of the stress hormone cortisol has long term adverse effects on the human body. Mental health challenges arise from traumatic experiences such as anxiety and depression and even suicide or thoughts of suicide. The erosion of trust of yourself, and others, can destruct a woman’s relationships. This can lead to isolation which further erodes mental health.

Dr. Gabor Maté’s work emphasizes the importance of compassion, self-awareness, and self-discovery in the healing journey. Women can find empowerment and a renewed sense of self through the healing stages as they work through the impacts of trauma and move toward greater well-being.

Self-awareness allows the individual woman to explore and understand what is happening inside her, helping her regain power over her thoughts, emotions, and responses to trauma. Self-awareness is a crucial tool on the path to healing and empowerment. Self-awareness put you in touch with your personal power.

Self-discovery takes courage. A woman must be willing to look at herself and see who she is – who she really is. Self-discovery means ceasing to allow others to define her. Self-discovery is a deeply personal and individual process. Delving into the journey of discovery a woman gains a deep understanding of her beliefs, values, strengths, weaknesses, desires, and identity. It involves introspection, reflection, and exploration of thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

At Wounded Women Rising we walk with you on the journey of self-awareness and self-discovery through community, retreats, blog post education, workshops, healing events, interactive talks, podcasts (coming soon) and online support groups (coming soon). We walk with you because we too have experienced and are on the healing journey from trauma. We know you can regain your power. You can take control of your life and love yourself. We have seen firsthand the remarkable recoveries of women who had the courage to look within to find their power and use power in their life, every day.

So far, we know what to do, but how do you do that? How do you develop self-awareness? First you must be willing to become aware of your responses to what is happening in you and through you. This means taking some time to think about past events and how you responded during the event and after the event.

For instance, my wasband believed that an evil spirit possessed me. He believed that if the evil spirit that had invaded me was eliminated, he could go back to a perfect life. He took it upon himself to exorcise that beast from me. This was no where near as elaborate as the depiction in The Exorcist. He grabbed me by the shoulders and started praying. I had no idea what was going on at first. In a very short amount of time, he was digging his fingers into my shoulders and shaking me. I got scared and then I got mad. I broke free from his grip using a move I learned during a self defense class. Lord only knows how I remembered that move at that time. I left the house within minutes shaking and in disbelief. I checked into a hotel and sat with this event during the next 24 hours. I became aware of the events and how I responded to them, but not just physically but more importantly emotionally. I cycled through emotions such as guilt (because I left and did not “work through the conflict”), and anger (there was a lot of anger).

I thought I was going crazy. How could this man who said he loved me believe I was possessed by an evil spirit? Could he possibly be right? My abused woman psyche was to take the blame on myself. Absurd, yes, but so predictable. As I sat with the emotions and the event, I realized I had no reason to feel guilty. I realized I had good reason to be angry. I realized that I could no longer trust my wasband to protect me, care for me or even care about me. This was one event in a series of many before I valued myself over the marriage. Sitting with the facts and the emotions and working my way through them I gained power. I gained personal power, and self-confidence. I did what was right for me in the best way I knew how.

There are many circumstances and events to think about. You do not have to rehash everything. There are events that were pivotal to you deciding that you are valuable. These are the ones you want to sit with. Become aware of the emotions. Allow them. Do not judge them. Allow them. They are yours and you felt them for a reason. There is message in there for you to discover. Discovering the message will give you power. Your heart knows. Your spirit knows. Your soul knows. It is time for your mind to know. Your power is in you, within you. Your power may be hidden but it is there. This is your period of discovery. This is the place where you gain a deep understanding of your beliefs, your values, your strengths, your weaknesses, your desires, and your identity.

You are able to wake up to the moment. The past cannot hurt you. The thoughts and the emotions you give the past can continue to hurt you, but not the event. The future does not need to be feared. The future can be whatever you want it to be.

Live in the moment. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings in this moment, in this day, at this time. What triggers your emotions? What is going on that makes you anxious? What is it that is scaring you? Become aware.

Do not push anything away. Do not stuff the emotions down. Do not get busy so you do not have to think about it. Respect yourself enough to take a few minutes. Try to get some place alone so you can think. This process does not have to take hours. This process is usually minutes. Think. Answer the questions that rise up in your mind. Do not judge the questions or the answers. Your truth bubbles up in your awareness.

Once you develop awareness the process of acknowledging your emotions becomes easier and easier. Do not worry if you do not get answers right away. You have entered this information into your subconscious. Permit your subconscious to work it through. The answer on how to proceed or adjust or to let it go will be given to you. Learn to trust that you have the answers within you. You already possess the power to get the answers. Adopt the belief that you possess the power. Say it over and over and over again until it becomes part of your DNA. This IS your truth. You are confident. You are powerful. You are a beautiful woman ready to stand on her own and believe in her value and in her worth.

You have the power!

Healing Practices

Featured

Rose 09/15/2023 02/05/2024

I used to bristle at the words “let it go”. I often felt like people used this term as a platitude, something to say when they didn’t have an answer and didn’t want to talk to me about my issues. Saying “let it go” got them off the hook of getting involved in my life – even if it was just for the current circumstances I found myself in.

Many years ago when I slammed into menopause, I struggled with insomnia. I found that a lack of sleep altered who I was, how I thought, what I thought and how I expressed myself. At that time, I attended the women’s bible study at the church I attended. I do not remember what we were studying, but I do remember the conversation circled around “letting go and letting God”. I do remember asking the question, “How do you do that?” There was a bit of discussion but no answers on how to let it go. So, true to form I kept asking the same question. I got under the skin of some of the women. They would quote bible verses that had no meaning to the topic at hand. They would say, “Just let it go.” Our group leader was annoyed at the discussion and cut us off – abruptly. I sat there and stewed about it. I did not get an answer.

After class, two of the women waited for me outside of the church. I thought they were having a conversation amongst themselves. Little did I know they were waiting for me. These two women kept repeating, “Just let it go. God will handle it.” Well, at that time I did not perceive God working in my life and He certainly was not helping with my insomnia. I left that bible study very angry. I was angry because I did not get an answer and angry because I was dismissed by the leader and other members of the group. It wasn’t until I arrived home and had a chance to think about the phrase, “let it go” that I realized that it was used more as a dismissal than anything helpful. I have since learned that “letting it go” is a form of self love. How? Let me explain.

“Letting it go” is a phrase often used to describe the process of releasing or relinquishing something that is causing emotional distress or holding you back. It is about allowing yourself to move on from past experiences, negative emotions, or even physical possessions that no longer serve you in a positive way.

In the context of personal development and healing, “letting it go” can be a powerful concept. It means recognizing and acknowledging the emotions, thoughts, or traumas that may be weighing you down and then consciously deciding to release their grip on your life. It’s not about forgetting or denying what happened but rather choosing not to let it continue to negatively affect your present and future.

This process can involve various techniques such as mindfulness, therapy, journaling, or even talking with supportive friends or professionals. It’s about finding healthy ways to process and cope with difficult experiences and emotions so that you can move forward with a sense of self-awareness, self-confidence, and healing. Ultimately, “letting it go” is about freeing yourself from the burdens of the past so that you can fully embrace the present and create a better future for yourself. It’s a journey towards self-discovery and personal growth, an act of self-love.

Women, like anyone else, can find it difficult to “let it go” for a variety of reasons, especially after experiencing trauma or challenging life situations. It’s important to note that this difficulty is not limited to a specific gender but can be experienced by anyone. Here are some factors that can make it a challenge:

Emotional Attachment: Women have strong emotional attachments to past experiences or relationships. These attachments can make it hard to move on because the memories are intertwined with deep emotions.
Societal Expectations: Societal norms and expectations can sometimes place additional pressure on women to be caregivers, nurturers, and maintain relationships. This can make it challenging for some women to “let it go” because they may feel a sense of responsibility or guilt.
Lack of Support: Having a support system is crucial for healing and letting go. Women who lack a support network may find it more challenging to process and release their emotions and experiences.
Self-Worth and Confidence: Trauma or difficult experiences can erode a person’s self-worth and confidence, which can make it difficult to believe they deserve to let go and move forward.
Fear of Repeating Patterns: Some women may fear that by letting go, they are setting themselves up to repeat past mistakes or enter similar harmful situations. This fear of the unknown can be a significant barrier.
Coping Mechanisms: People often develop coping mechanisms, which might not be healthy, to deal with trauma. These coping mechanisms can become ingrained habits, making it difficult to let go because they’ve become a familiar way of dealing with pain or stress.
Cultural and Family Influences: Cultural and family values can also play a role. Some cultures may place a strong emphasis on preserving family or relationship dynamics, even if they are unhealthy.
Complexity of Trauma: Trauma can be extremely complex and deeply rooted. It may take time and professional assistance to unravel and address the layers of trauma and its effects.

It is essential to recognize that the process of “letting it go” is highly individualized. What works for one person may not work for another, and there’s no set timeline for healing. The key is to provide a safe and supportive environment for individuals to explore their experiences, emotions, and healing journey at their own pace. Here, at Wounded Women Rising, our goal is to provide you with the safe and supportive environment to grow and experience healing at the deepest level.

There are several steps that can be taken to “let it go” and begin the process of healing and moving forward. This is your “How To” list. Keep in mind that these steps can be customized to individual needs and circumstances. Pick and choose which steps you would like to introduce into your life. You do not have to do all of them. Here’s a general framework:

Self-Awareness and Acceptance:

Begin by acknowledging and accepting your feelings, whether they are related to trauma, past experiences, or negative emotions. Recognize that it’s okay to feel what you feel.

Seek Professional Help:

Consider working with a therapist, counselor, or trauma specialist. They can provide guidance, support, and specific therapeutic techniques to help you process and heal from trauma.

Mindfulness and Meditation:

Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you stay present and reduce the impact of intrusive thoughts and emotions. It can also aid in self-awareness and emotional regulation.

Journaling:

Keeping a journal can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and emotional expression. Write about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This can help you gain insights and release pent-up emotions. Writing about your feelings and experiences can greatly increase the speed of your healing. Scientific evidence says so.

Express Emotions:

Find healthy outlets for expressing your emotions. This might include talking to a trusted friend, engaging in creative activities like art or music, or participating in support groups.

Forgiveness:

Work on forgiving yourself and others involved in the traumatic or difficult experiences. Forgiveness is a process that can lead to emotional freedom. Remember that forgiveness begins with willing to be willing to forgive.

Self-Care:

Prioritize self-care practices that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This can include regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and relaxation techniques.

Set Boundaries:

Learn to set healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm and to create a safe environment for your healing process.

Educate Yourself:

Educate yourself about trauma and its effects. Understanding the science behind trauma can help demystify your experiences and normalize your feelings.

Support Network:

Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and family who can provide emotional support and encouragement. Consider joining support groups with individuals who have similar experiences.

Positive Affirmations:

Practice positive affirmations to boost self-confidence and self-worth. Replacing negative self-talk with affirmations can be transformative. Be aware of how you speak to yourself. Use kind and loving words with yourself.

Professional Growth:

Invest in your personal development and growth. This can include setting and pursuing career goals, acquiring new skills, or exploring new interests. These practices build self-confidence and self-esteem.

Patience and Self-Compassion:

Understand that healing is a journey, and it may have its ups and downs. Be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion, especially during difficult moments.

Gradual Exposure:

If you’re dealing with specific phobias or anxieties related to trauma, consider gradual exposure therapy with a trained therapist to help desensitize those triggers.

Celebrate Progress:

Celebrate small victories along the way. Recognize and honor your progress, no matter how incremental it may seem.

Remember that the journey of letting go and healing is unique to each individual. It’s essential to find the strategies and approaches that work best for you. Seeking professional guidance and support from others who have been there and walked the journey to healing can be a crucial part of this process.

When you “let it go” you can expect several positive changes and transformations in your life. While the specific outcomes will vary from person to person, here are some general expectations:

Emotional Freedom:

Letting go allows you to release pent-up emotions, resentment, anger, or sadness. As a result, you’ll experience emotional freedom and relief from the weight of these negative feelings.

Increased Self-Awareness:

As you work through your past and let go of what no longer serves you, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of yourself. This self-awareness can be a powerful tool for personal growth and making better choices.

Improved Mental Health:

Letting go of trauma and negative experiences can lead to improved mental health. You’ll likely experience reduced anxiety, depression, and overall better psychological well-being.

Enhanced Self-Confidence:

As you heal and gain self-awareness, your self-confidence will naturally increase. You’ll believe in your ability to handle challenges and make positive decisions.

Better Relationships:

Letting go often involves forgiving yourself and others. This forgiveness can lead to healthier relationships as you release grudges and foster more empathetic and compassionate connections with others.

Greater Resilience:

Dealing with and letting go of difficult experiences builds resilience. You’ll be better equipped to face future challenges with a more resilient mindset.

Physical Well-Being:

Emotional healing can have a positive impact on physical health. Reduced stress and emotional baggage can lead to better sleep, improved immune function, and overall physical well-being.

Clarity of Goals and Priorities:

Letting go often involves reevaluating your life’s priorities and goals. You’ll gain clarity on what truly matters to you, which can guide you in making more purposeful decisions.

Opportunities for Growth:

Letting go opens up space for personal growth and new opportunities. You’ll be more open to trying new things, stepping out of your comfort zone, and pursuing your passions.

Happiness and Contentment:

Ultimately, the goal of letting go is to find happiness and contentment in your life. You’ll be better equipped to enjoy the present moment and look forward to the future with optimism.

It’s important to remember that the process of letting go is not a one-time event but an ongoing journey. Healing and personal growth take time, patience, and self-compassion. There may still be challenges and setbacks along the way, but with the right support and strategies, you can continue to move forward toward a more fulfilling and authentic life.