The kettle whistles softly in the background as you sit across from me at the kitchen table. The scent of Constant Comment tea fills the air, and I slide a warm mug in front of you. You’ve come to me with a heaviness in your heart, searching for answers or maybe just a listening ear.
We’ve all been there—feeling stuck, unsure of the next step, and hoping for something or someone to swoop in and make it all better. But my dear, let me tell you something that took me far too long to learn.
Everything you need is already within you.
The Search for Solutions
“You know,” I begin, taking a sip of my tea, “we often look outside ourselves for solutions. We think, ‘If only someone could fix this for me’ or ‘Maybe there’s a magic pill to make it all go away.’ But the truth is, the power to change your life is sitting right between your ears. It’s all in your head.”
You tilt your head, intrigued but skeptical. “In my head? How do you mean?”
“Your thoughts,” I say, setting down my mug. “What you think about—how you talk to yourself—creates your reality.
When you focus on complaints and what’s wrong, you stay stuck. But if you shift your focus to possibilities and solutions, that’s where change begins.”
The Trap of Complaining
“Let’s talk about complaining for a minute,” I continue. “It feels good in the moment, doesn’t it? Like letting steam out of a pressure cooker. But here’s the problem: complaining keeps you chained to the negative. It’s like planting weeds in your garden and wondering why nothing beautiful grows.”
You nod slowly, stirring your tea. “I do complain a lot,” you admit. “But it’s hard not to when things feel so overwhelming.”
“I get it,” I say gently. “Life throws curveballs, and sometimes it feels like a storm that never ends. But here’s the question you need to ask yourself: Would you rather complain, or would you rather make a change? You can’t have both.”
The Power of Awareness
“So where do I start?” you ask, leaning forward.
“The first step is awareness,” I say. “You have to tune in to your thoughts. Pay attention to what’s occupying your mind. Are you dwelling on problems, or are you thinking about solutions? Awareness is like turning on the lights in a dark room. You can’t clean up the mess if you don’t see it.”
“That makes sense,” you say. “But how do I figure out why I’m thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Good question,” I say with a smile. “Let me share what helped me to tune in and start making changes.”
Three Steps to Tune In and Make a Change
Step 1: Listen Without Judgment
“First, you have to listen to your thoughts without judging them.
Imagine you’re a curious scientist studying your own mind. Carry a small notebook or use a note app on your phone, and jot down the recurring thoughts you notice throughout the day.
Don’t try to fix them yet; just observe.”
“Even the negative ones?” you ask.
“Especially the negative ones,” I say. “Those are the ones that hold clues about what’s really bothering you.”
Step 2: Ask Why
“Once you’ve identified a thought, ask yourself why it’s there.
Let’s say you keep thinking, ‘I’ll never be good enough.’
Ask yourself: Where does that belief come from? Did someone plant that seed in your mind years ago? Is it based on facts, or is it just a story you’ve been telling yourself?
“The goal is to uncover the root of the thought. When you understand where it comes from, you can decide whether it’s serving you or holding you back.”
Step 3: Choose Your Focus
“Here’s the fun part,” I say, leaning in. “You get to choose what you focus on.
Think of your mind like a radio dial. If you’re tuned into the 66.6 am station ‘Complain and Despair’, switch the dial to 101.1 ‘Hope and Solutions.’
What do you want to create in your life? What small step can you take today to move in that direction?”
“Small steps,” you repeat. “That feels doable.”
“Exactly,” I say. “Change doesn’t happen overnight, but every positive thought, every small action, plants seeds of transformation. And before you know it, your garden starts to bloom.”
The Power of Choice
“Let me tell you something,” I say, looking you in the eye. “You are more powerful than you realize.
The moment you decide to take control of your thoughts, you reclaim your power. It’s not about being perfect or never feeling negative.
It’s about making a choice—over and over again—to focus on what lifts you up rather than what drags you down.”
You sit back, a small smile playing on your lips. “So it really is all in my head, isn’t it?”
“It is,” I say, “but that’s the best news of all. Because if it’s in your head, it means you have the power to change it. And that, my dear, is where your strength lies.”
Moving Forward
As we finish our tea, you seem lighter, as if a tiny spark of hope has been ignited. Change might not be easy, but it’s possible.
And it starts with a simple decision: to tune in, to listen, and to choose.
So, what will you choose today?
Judy and I have published a new book which can help you change the way you think about yourself, called “Belief Blossoms”.