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The Sacredness of the Season Between Surviving and Sharing Your Life Again

There is a season after leaving an abusive relationship that very few people talk about. Most conversations focus on leaving. Finding safety. Healing from the past. Learning to trust again.

Those conversations are important.

But there is another season that quietly follows, and in many ways it is just as important. It is the season between surviving and sharing your life again. It is a season many women try to rush through because they mistake it for loneliness. I don’t believe it is meant to be rushed.

I believe it is sacred.

Not because it is always easy. But because it gives you something that may have been missing for many years. The opportunity to discover yourself.

The Quiet That Feels Uncomfortable

Maybe you’ve had a Saturday morning like this. You wake up with nowhere you have to be.

You pour yourself a cup of coffee and stand quietly in your kitchen. The dishes are done.

The groceries are in the fridge. There are errands you could run and laundry that could be folded. Yet you find yourself standing there, coffee in hand, asking a question you never expected. “What am I going to do with myself today?”

Not because there is nothing to do. But because none of it feels meaningful. You could crawl back into bed. You could clean the house. You could scroll through social media. You could run errands you don’t really need to run. You could stay busy all day. Yet somehow, none of those things feel like the way you want to spend your hard-earned freedom.

That thought can be confusing. After everything it took to leave an abusive relationship, shouldn’t freedom feel wonderful? Instead, the quiet feels unfamiliar.

Before long another thought quietly slips into your mind. “Maybe I’m lonely.” Sometimes that is exactly what you’re feeling. But sometimes it isn’t.

Is It Loneliness, or Is It Something Else?

For years your days may have been shaped by someone else’s needs.

Meals to prepare.

Problems to solve.

Moods to manage.

Appointments to remember.

Conflicts to avoid.

Whether you wanted those responsibilities or not, they gave your life a familiar rhythm.                                                                                                           

Then one day that rhythm disappeared. The space that was once occupied by someone else suddenly became yours. That can feel strange. Not because there is anything wrong and not because you’ve failed. Simply because it is different, unfamiliar.

Our natural instinct is to fill that space as quickly as possible. We stay busy. We distract ourselves. We convince ourselves that if we can just keep moving, we won’t have to feel the discomfort. But what if that discomfort isn’t asking to be avoided? What if it is inviting you to ask a different question?

What do I want?

That question can be surprisingly difficult to answer because for so long you’ve been asking a different question. What does everyone else need from me? When your life has revolved around another person’s expectations, wants, and reactions, your own desires often become very quiet because they stopped receiving your attention. Learning to ask yourself what you want isn’t selfish. It is one of the first steps in rebuilding your life after abuse.  Perhaps this season isn’t asking you to fill every empty space. Perhaps it is inviting you to discover what belongs there.

Loneliness Is a Poor Matchmaker

When that empty space feels uncomfortable, it is completely understandable to want the feeling to go away.

Sometimes we fill our calendars.

Sometimes we fill our homes with noise.

Sometimes we begin looking for another relationship.

There is nothing wrong with wanting companionship. Human beings are created for connection. But there is a difference between wanting to share your life with someone and wanting someone else to remove the discomfort of being alone. That is why I often say,

Loneliness is a poor matchmaker. Not because relationships are dangerous. Not because love isn’t beautiful. But because loneliness can persuade us to mistake relief for readiness.

The season after leaving an abusive relationship has something precious to offer. Don’t let anyone, or anything, rush you past it.

The Gift of This Season

This season has something to offer you if you’re willing to give it time. Time without the distraction of another relationship.

It’s about giving yourself the opportunity to discover what brings you joy.

What you value.

What gives your life meaning.

What makes you laugh.

What you no longer want to compromise.

In other words, it’s giving yourself the opportunity to create a life that reflects who you truly are. This season gives you something many women have never had. The opportunity to discover yourself.

Approach this season with curiosity. Try something simply because you’ve never done it before. You might discover a new hobby. A new friendship. A new confidence. Or simply a new part of yourself.

Rediscover interests you may have set aside years ago.

Say yes to an invitation.

Take yourself somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.

Spend time with people who leave you feeling encouraged.

Notice what brings you joy.

Notice what drains your energy.

Most importantly, discover what feels like home in your heart. Every new experience teaches you something. Not just about the world around you. But about yourself.

You begin to notice things you may never have paid attention to before.

“I really enjoyed that.”

“I’d like to do that again.”

“That doesn’t feel right for me anymore.”

“I never realized how important that was to me.”

Little by little, you begin to recognize your own voice. It is not the voice of your past. Nor is it the voice of someone else’s expectations. It is your voice.

For many women, that realization is life changing. After years of adapting, accommodating, and trying to keep the peace, you begin to discover that your own thoughts, dreams, values, and opinions matter. Not because someone else finally gives you permission. Because they always mattered.

You are now giving yourself permission to listen. And you begin to trust yourself. That trust quietly grows into confidence.

Confidence in the choices you make.

Confidence in the boundaries you set.

Confidence in the opportunities you embrace.

Confidence in the life you’re creating.

As your confidence grows, your values become clearer. You recognize what brings you peace.

You become more certain about what you will and will not accept. This confidence doesn’t suddenly appear one morning. It grows one experience at a time. One decision at a time. One ordinary Saturday at a time.

The Most Important Relationship

As you begin creating a life that reflects who you are, something else begins to change. The relationship you have with yourself.

You stop apologizing for the things that matter to you. You become more comfortable saying yes when something feels right. You become more comfortable saying no when it doesn’t.

You no longer need someone else to tell you who you are because you’re discovering that for yourself. This relationship with yourself becomes the foundation for every other relationship in your life.

Friends.

Family.

Coworkers.

Neighbours.

And perhaps one day, another intimate relationship.

When we enter a relationship before we’ve had the opportunity to know ourselves, it is easy to begin organizing our lives around another person again. Not because we intend to. But because it feels familiar. Without even realizing it, we slowly stop asking, “What do I want?” And begin asking, “What do they need?” Or, “How do I keep this relationship working?”

Those are the very questions this season has been gently inviting you to step away from. That is why giving yourself time matters. Not because relationships are dangerous and not because you should be afraid to love again. But because you matter.

The more deeply you know yourself, the more likely you are to recognize someone who honours the woman you are instead of expecting you to become someone else. Healthy relationships don’t ask you to disappear. They make room for you to be fully yourself.

The Sacredness of This Season

Our world often tells us to move on quickly, stay busy, find someone new, fill the empty space.

I would like to offer you a different perspective. What if this season isn’t empty at all? What if it is one of the richest seasons of your life? What if this quiet space is where you discover strengths you never knew you had? Where you learn to trust yourself. Where you laugh without wondering whether someone else approves. Where you decorate your home the way you like it. Travel where you want to go. Eat what you enjoy. Spend time with people who encourage you. Create traditions that belong to you. Dream dreams that are yours.

Gradually, you stop building a life around surviving. You begin building a life around living. That is the gift of this season. Not waiting.

Living.

Not preparing for someone else. Becoming more deeply acquainted with yourself.

An Invitation

If you find yourself in this season today, don’t rush through it.

Protect it.

Be curious.

Pay attention.

Allow yourself to become fascinated by the woman you’re getting to know. There is no timetable. No finish line. No prize for reaching the next relationship first. There is simply today.

This Saturday. This cup of coffee. This opportunity to ask, “What do I want?” You may be surprised by the answer.

One day, if someone joins the life you’ve so intentionally created, my hope is that they honour what you have so lovingly built. Because the healthiest relationship you build after leaving an abusive relationship is not a romantic one. It is the relationship you build with yourself.

Everything else grows from there.

If this season feels familiar to you and you’re looking for someone to walk beside you as you create a life that reflects who you are, I’d love to invite you to book a Freedom To Be You Session.

Together, we’ll explore where you are today, where you’d like to be, and the next step that’s right for you. Book your free call today.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Sometimes one conversation is all it takes to begin seeing your life differently.

Healing Practices
Featured

This Is Why Nothing You Try Is Working

It didn’t happen all at once. There wasn’t a single moment she could point to and say, that’s when everything changed. It was quieter than that.

At first, it was just a feeling. A pause in the morning that lingered a little longer than usual. A moment in the mirror where something felt, unfamiliar. Not wrong. Just, not quite right.

She was doing everything she needed to do. Getting through the day. Taking care of what mattered. Showing up for the people who counted on her. She had learned how to keep things moving. Even on the days when her energy was low or her thoughts felt heavy or something inside of her just wanted to stop. She knew how to push through the exhaustion. She knew how to stay calm in conversations that didn’t feel safe, how to choose her words carefully so things didn’t escalate. She had learned how to read the room. To notice tone. To sense when something was about to shift. She had learned how to carry things quietly. The tension. The confusion. The moments that stayed with her long after they were over.

And over time, that way of living became normal. So normal, in fact, that even when life became quieter her body didn’t immediately follow. It still held the patterns of staying alert of staying careful of staying in control.

And from the outside, her life looked steady. But inside, there was a distance she couldn’t quite explain.

She noticed it in small ways. The way decisions felt harder than they used to. The way she would second-guess herself, even on simple things. The way her emotions would either rise too quickly or not come at all. Sometimes she felt overwhelmed. Sometimes she felt nothing. And neither felt like her.

So, she did what most of us do. She tried to figure it out.  Maybe she needed a better routine. Maybe she needed more discipline. Maybe there was something she just hadn’t uncovered yet. She began looking for answers. Reading. Listening. Trying to understand what was happening inside of her.  And for a while, that felt helpful. It gave her something to hold onto. Something to work with. But over time, something else began to happen. The more she searched, the further away she seemed to feel.  Because every new idea, every new explanation, quietly carried the same message underneath it. There’s something here that needs to be fixed. And she started to wonder, what if I just haven’t found it yet?

It’s a confusing place to be in. Frustrating, in a way that’s hard to explain. Because you’re doing everything you can and still not finding the answers you’re looking for. You’re not falling apart. You’re functioning. You’re managing. You are still holding it all together. And still, something feels off.

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. And I want to offer you something.

What if this isn’t about finding the thing that’s wrong? What if what you’re feeling is not a sign that something is missing but a sign that something within you has been waiting for your attention? Because when a woman has lived through difficult seasons, whether it was a relationship that took more than it gave or years of putting herself second or simply carrying more than anyone ever saw, something very real happens.

She adapts. She becomes strong in ways she never planned to be. She learns how to keep going. How to hold it together, how to get through. And over time she can begin to lose touch with her own voice.  Not because she’s done anything wrong. But because she’s been doing what she needed to do. She’s been surviving.

And survival, even when it’s quiet, has a way of pulling our attention outward. To what needs to be done. To what’s expected. To what keeps everything moving. And slowly, without even noticing it the connection to her own voice can become harder to hear.

So, when she finally pauses, when things begin to slow down, even just a little, she doesn’t immediately feel clarity. She feels uncertainty. Not because she doesn’t know who she is. But because she hasn’t had the space to hear herself. And this is the part that often gets misunderstood.

You don’t come back to yourself by searching harder. You don’t reconnect by fixing anything. You rediscover yourself through something much quieter than that. Through safety. Through small moments where nothing is required of you. Through noticing what your body is holding
without rushing past it. Through allowing a feeling to rise without needing to change it. Through listening without immediately questioning what you hear.

At first, it can feel unfamiliar. Even uncomfortable. You’ve spent so long being in motion. But if you stay with it, something begins to shift. You start to feel small moments of stability. A little more clarity. A little more ease. You begin to recognize what feels right for you and what no longer does.

And this is the part that often goes unseen. Because when nothing looks obviously wrong, the instinct is to keep searching for answers. To try harder. To figure it out. To find the thing that will finally make it make sense.

But what if this isn’t something to solve? What if what you’re feeling isn’t a sign that something is wrong but a sign that something within you is ready to be heard? Not fixed. Not changed. Just heard.

And from that place, your choices begin to change. Not because you forced them. Not because you finally found the right strategy. But because you are no longer functioning from disconnection.

You are moving from a place of clarity. And that changes everything.

Your confidence doesn’t come from pushing. Confidence grows from trusting what you feel and knowing that you can respond to it. Your direction becomes clearer. Not all at once, but in a way that feels stable and real. And the life you begin to create starts to feel like it belongs to you again.

This is the work I care about. Not helping you fix yourself. Not helping you search for one more answer. But walking with you as you gently rediscover yourself.

Because nothing about you is missing. Nothing about you needs to be corrected. There is simply a part of you that hasn’t been given the space to be heard. And when she is heard, everything begins to feel different.

If something in this felt familiar, the next step is simple. Book your Heartbreak Freedom Session. On this call, we will talk about where you are and what you dream of. I’ll help you see what’s been happening beneath the surface and guide you toward your next steps with clarity and support.

This is your chance to start creating the life you deserve.

Emotions
Featured

YOU’VE GOT THE POWER

Believe it or not, you have power. For those of us who have experienced traumatic events we may believe we have no power, no choices, no say. I grew up in an era when women had very little power. Our roles were defined by the men in our lives, dads, bosses or husbands. I was told and shown that my thoughts did not matter. I was to do what my husband said, even if it meant it was dangerous, harmful, painful, or just plain wrong. When it did become dangerous and painful, I was told by other men to go back to my husband, the person who inflicted the pain and almost killed me. I honestly believed I had no power. I was smart enough, however, to not go back.

Some of us gave our power away because we believed life would be simpler if we did. Life would be less chaotic, less painful. In hindsight the opposite was true. When a woman gives away her power it leads to many circumstances that seriously damage her life.

At Wounded Women Rising, the identity crisis a woman experiences after trauma is eliminated as her body heals, her emotions calmed and her mind released so she confidently knows who she is and what she wants. This confidence is your personal POWER. Think of it as—your SUPERPOWER. Regaining a sense of power and control after trauma significantly boosts self-confidence. As you become more empowered, you are better equipped to make choices that align with your values and desires, ultimately increasing your self-esteem.

Personal power equips you with the ability to advocate for yourself. This is particularly important when it comes to seeking help, setting boundaries, and making decisions about your own healing journey. Trauma often leads to an identity crisis, where a woman loses a sense of who she is. Addressing power can help a woman rediscover her identity and develop a more authentic self, free from the constraints of the trauma. And isn’t that one of our definitive goals, to be free from the constraints of the trauma?

Dr. Gabor Maté offers insight on trauma. He says, “Trauma is not the bad things that happened to you; trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” Trauma is a deeply impactful experience that affects the lives of women on multiple levels, including emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Dr. Gabor Maté’s quotes emphasize the idea that trauma is not just about the external events but also the internal responses and effects it has on an individual’s well-being. Trauma leaves us with intense and overwhelming emotions. Flashbacks and intrusive memories often invade our lives. Some women feel disconnected from their bodies, thoughts and emotions, which is a protective response to the trauma.

The stress response of a traumatized woman can manifest itself as physical symptoms, such as headaches, stomach-aches, muscle tension, and even chronic pain. Prolonged release of the stress hormone cortisol has long term adverse effects on the human body. Mental health challenges arise from traumatic experiences such as anxiety and depression and even suicide or thoughts of suicide. The erosion of trust  of yourself, and others, can destruct a woman’s relationships. This can lead to isolation which further erodes mental health.

Dr. Gabor Maté’s work emphasizes the importance of compassion, self-awareness, and self-discovery in the healing journey. Women can find empowerment and a renewed sense of self through the healing stages as they work through the impacts of trauma and move toward greater well-being.

Self-awareness allows the individual woman to explore and understand what is happening inside her, helping her regain power over her thoughts, emotions, and responses to trauma. Self-awareness is a crucial tool on the path to healing and empowerment. Self-awareness put you in touch with your personal power.

Self-discovery takes courage. A woman must be willing to look at herself and see who she is – who she really is. Self-discovery means ceasing to allow others to define her. Self-discovery is a deeply personal and individual process. Delving into the journey of discovery a woman gains a deep understanding of her beliefs, values, strengths, weaknesses, desires, and identity. It involves introspection, reflection, and exploration of thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

At Wounded Women Rising we walk with you on the journey of self-awareness and self-discovery through community, retreats, blog post education, workshops, healing events, interactive talks, podcasts (coming soon) and online support groups (coming soon). We walk with you because we too have experienced and are on the healing journey from trauma. We know you can regain your power. You can take control of your life and love yourself. We have seen firsthand the remarkable recoveries of women who had the courage to look within to find their power and use power in their life, every day.

So far, we know what to do, but how do you do that? How do you develop self-awareness? First you must be willing to become aware of your responses to what is happening in you and through you. This means taking some time to think about past events and how you responded during the event and after the event.

For instance, my wasband believed that an evil spirit possessed me. He believed that if the evil spirit that had invaded me was eliminated, he could go back to a perfect life. He took it upon himself to exorcise that beast from me. This was no where near as elaborate as the depiction in The Exorcist. He grabbed me by the shoulders and started praying. I had no idea what was going on at first. In a very short amount of time, he was digging his fingers into my shoulders and shaking me. I got scared and then I got mad. I broke free from his grip using a move I learned during a self defense class. Lord only knows how I remembered that move at that time. I left the house within minutes shaking and in disbelief. I checked into a hotel and sat with this event during the next 24 hours. I became aware of the events and how I responded to them, but not just physically but more importantly emotionally. I cycled through emotions such as guilt (because I left and did not “work through the conflict”), and anger (there was a lot of anger).

I thought I was going crazy. How could this man who said he loved me believe I was possessed by an evil spirit? Could he possibly be right? My abused woman psyche was to take the blame on myself. Absurd, yes, but so predictable. As I sat with the emotions and the event, I realized I had no reason to feel guilty. I realized I had good reason to be angry. I realized that I could no longer trust my wasband to protect me, care for me or even care about me. This was one event in a series of many before I valued myself over the marriage. Sitting with the facts and the emotions and working my way through them I gained power. I gained personal power, and self-confidence. I did what was right for me in the best way I knew how.

There are many circumstances and events to think about. You do not have to rehash everything. There are events that were pivotal to you deciding that you are valuable. These are the ones you want to sit with. Become aware of the emotions. Allow them. Do not judge them. Allow them. They are yours and you felt them for a reason. There is message in there for you to discover. Discovering the message will give you power. Your heart knows. Your spirit knows. Your soul knows. It is time for your mind to know. Your power is in you, within you. Your power may be hidden but it is there. This is your period of discovery. This is the place where you gain a deep understanding of your beliefs, your values, your strengths, your weaknesses, your desires, and your identity.

You are able to wake up to the moment. The past cannot hurt you. The thoughts and the emotions you give the past can continue to hurt you, but not the event. The future does not need to be feared. The future can be whatever you want it to be.

Live in the moment. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings in this moment, in this day, at this time. What triggers your emotions? What is going on that makes you anxious? What is it that is scaring you? Become aware.

Do not push anything away. Do not stuff the emotions down. Do not get busy so you do not have to think about it. Respect yourself enough to take a few minutes.  Try to get some place alone so you can think. This process does not have to take hours. This process is usually minutes. Think. Answer the questions that rise up in your mind. Do not judge the questions or the answers. Your truth bubbles up in your awareness.

Once you develop awareness the process of acknowledging your emotions becomes easier and easier. Do not worry if you do not get answers right away. You have entered this information into your subconscious. Permit your subconscious to work it through. The answer on how to proceed or adjust or to let it go will be given to you. Learn to trust that you have the answers within you. You already possess the power to get the answers. Adopt the belief that you possess the power. Say it over and over and over again until it becomes part of your DNA. This IS your truth. You are confident. You are powerful. You are a beautiful woman ready to stand on her own and believe in her value and in her worth.

You have the power!

Personal Growth
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A STORY OF ACCEPTANCE

Once upon a time, in a small town nestled between rolling hills, there lived a woman named Emily. Emily had faced a series of challenging and traumatic events in her life. She had endured the loss of a loved one, a painful divorce, and a career setback. Each of these experiences had left a mark on her heart, and for a long time, she carried the weight of these burdens with her.

Emily’s journey towards acceptance began one crisp autumn day when she decided to visit a local park. As she strolled along the winding paths, she came across a serene pond. The water’s surface was like a mirror, reflecting the vibrant colors of the changing leaves above. Emily paused, taking in the beauty of nature around her.

It was in this moment of stillness that Emily realized she had been carrying the heavy baggage of her past for far too long.  She had been clinging to the pain, anger, and regret, allowing them to shape her present and overshadow her future. She understood that it was time to start the process of acceptance.

Over the coming months, Emily embarked on a journey of self-discovery and healing. She began by seeking the guidance of a therapist who specialized in trauma recovery. In their sessions, Emily learned to acknowledge her pain and emotions without judgment. She found the strength to open up about her past and to confront the deep wounds that had been festering for years.

Acceptance for Emily meant embracing her past, recognizing that these experiences were a part of her story, but not the entirety of it. She forgave herself for the mistakes she believed she had made and forgave those who had hurt her. It was a liberating experience, like shedding a heavy coat she had worn for too long.

Emily also discovered the power of mindfulness and meditation. These practices helped her stay grounded in the present moment and prevented her from getting lost in the labyrinth of painful memories. She learned to breathe through difficult emotions, allowing them to flow through her rather than consume her.

As Emily continued her journey of acceptance, she also reached out to her friends and family. She found the courage to share her feelings and experiences with them. To her surprise, she received an outpouring of love and support. Her loved ones embraced her vulnerability and offered their empathy and encouragement.

With time, Emily began to see changes in her life. She pursued new hobbies, rekindled old passions, and even considered a career change that had always been a dream. She realized that acceptance had given her the freedom to envision a brighter future, unburdened by the weight of her past.

One day, while visiting the same park where her journey had begun, Emily looked out over the pond. The leaves had changed color once again, and the water still reflected the beauty of the world around it. She couldn’t help but smile, for she had come to understand that acceptance was not the end of her story but the beginning of a new chapter—one filled with hope, resilience, and the promise of a life lived with authenticity and purpose.

Emily’s story serves as a reminder that acceptance is a transformative process that can lead to healing and personal growth. It allowed her to let go of the past and embrace the beauty of the present, and in the process, she discovered the strength to shape her own destiny.