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Navigating Life Changes
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Whose Life Are You Living?

There was a time in my life when asking someone else what they thought seemed perfectly reasonable.

“What do you think I should do?” “Do you think this is a good idea?” “What would you do?” “Am I making too much of this?”

Sometimes I genuinely wanted another perspective. But sometimes I already knew what I thought. I was asking because I didn’t trust my own answer enough to act on it. When you have spent years having your judgment questioned, your feelings dismissed, your choices criticized or your version of events challenged, you can develop a habit of looking to someone else for the answer instead of trusting your own.

You may not even notice yourself doing it. You ask your mother, sister, your adult daughter, or best friend. You might ask a coach, counsellor or therapist. Everyone you know is asked for input. And there is nothing wrong with asking for advice. We all need people who can help us see something we may have missed. The problem begins when advice becomes permission.

When Someone Else’s Answer Feels Safer Than Your Own

Living in an abusive or controlling relationship can teach a woman to question things she once knew quite easily. She may begin asking herself, “Am I allowed to be upset about this?” “Was that comment inappropriate?” “Can I say no?” When her judgment has repeatedly been questioned, dismissed or overridden, she may begin looking to others for confirmation.

Then the relationship ends, but the habit of looking to others for answers may continue. Instead of beginning with what she thinks or wants, she turns to people she trusts and gives their judgment more weight than her own. The relationship has changed, but she is still looking to someone else for the final word.

The people she turns to may genuinely want what is best for her. The issue isn’t necessarily that they are trying to take control. When a woman doubts her own judgment, she may hand that control to them because trusting what they think is easier than trusting herself.

It Starts With Decisions. It Can Become a Life.

Handing over control may begin with relatively small things. Should I go to the party? Do you think I should call him? Would you take that job? Then the decisions get bigger. “Should I move?” “Should I lend my son the money?” “Should I date this person?”

The more often someone else decides, the easier it becomes to ask them the next time. Eventually, the question is no longer simply, “What do you think?” A woman may not consciously think, “I don’t trust myself to make this decision.” She automatically asks what they think before she has even considered what she thinks. And each time that happens, she misses an opportunity to discover what she thinks, what she wants and what she is capable of deciding for herself. She doesn’t get to discover, “I chose that, it didn’t work, and I handled it.”

You Are Going to Get Some Decisions Wrong

Self-trust cannot depend on always making the right decision. Nobody gets that deal. People who trust themselves make decisions they later regret. They misjudge people. They spend money they wish they hadn’t spent. They take jobs that turn out to be terrible. They say yes and later realize they should have said no. Self-trust isn’t built by creating a perfect record of good decisions. It grows when you discover that you can make a choice, live with the outcome, learn something, adjust when necessary and choose again. Getting something wrong does not disqualify you from making the next decision.

When someone has lived with self-doubt for a long time, a mistake can feel like evidence. “See? I knew I couldn’t trust myself.” So next time, she asks someone else. And the cycle continues.

What Happens When Everyone Else Gets a Vote?

There is another cost to constantly looking outside yourself for answers. Other people can become accustomed to having a say in your life. That does not necessarily mean they are controlling people. Relationships develop patterns.

If you regularly ask your sister what you should do, she may naturally begin telling you what she thinks you should do. If you have always deferred to your adult children, they may come to expect that their preferences will be considered before your own. If a friend has spent years helping you make decisions, she may be surprised when you suddenly say, “Thanks, but I’ve decided to do something different.”

Over time, this becomes part of how the relationship works. One person is accustomed to asking for direction and the other is accustomed to giving it. Neither person necessarily set out to create that dynamic. They simply repeated it often enough that it became normal between them.

When You End Up Living Someone Else’s Version of Your Life

This may be the consequence we talk about least. If other people are continually influencing what you should do, tolerate, pursue, spend or prioritize, how do you discover what you actually want?

Imagine years of making choices based primarily on what will keep other people comfortable. You take the job your family thinks is sensible. You continue saying yes to requests because saying no feels harder than going along with what is expected. You put off something you genuinely want because someone important to you thinks it is foolish.

No single decision seems enormous, but our lives are made from thousands of decisions. One choice follows another, and over time those choices determine where you live, how you spend your time, who you spend it with, what you pursue and what you leave unexplored. You can end up with a perfectly functional life and never realize how much of it has been shaped by other people’s preferences.

That is why one question is worth asking: “How much of the life I am living did I actually choose?” You may not know the answer immediately. The purpose of the question isn’t to make you regret your life or start changing everything. It is to notice where your own voice has been missing from decisions that belong to you. And that can be the beginning of something different.

This is where it is worth becoming curious about who has the final say in your life. When you have a decision to make, do you know what you think before you ask someone else? Are you looking for information that will help you decide, or are you looking for someone to decide for you? And when someone you trust disagrees with your choice, does their disagreement change what you believe is right for you?

Questions like these can make an automatic habit visible. And when you can recognize what you have been doing, you have something you didn’t have before: the opportunity to choose whether you want to keep doing it.

That choice may also change some of your relationships. People who are accustomed to being consulted may be surprised when you begin making more decisions for yourself. They may disagree, question your choice or continue offering direction you no longer need. That doesn’t mean those relationships have to end. It means their opinion can become what it was always meant to be. Something you can consider, rather than something you have to follow.

The Resentment Nobody Intended

There is another strange consequence of handing decisions to other people. Sometimes we become angry with them for making them. Suppose your friend strongly encourages you to do something. You aren’t convinced, but you trust her judgment more than your own, so you agree. It goes badly. Now you are frustrated with her. “Why did she tell me to do that?”

But underneath the frustration may be something harder to admit. You didn’t really want to do it. Some part of you knew that. Now you are angry with her and disappointed in yourself. “Why did I listen?” “Why didn’t I say what I wanted?” “Why do I keep doing this?” Those questions can become more evidence in the case against yourself. This is one way self-doubt can feed itself.

You doubt yourself, so you give someone else the decision. You dislike the outcome, so you criticize yourself for giving the decision away. That criticism makes you trust yourself even less the next time. The way out is not to become someone who never asks for advice. It is to change what you do with the advice you receive.

Advice Is Information, Not Instruction

You can ask five people what they think. You can listen carefully. You can consider their experience. You can ask questions. You can learn something that changes your mind. And after all of that, the decision can still belong to you.

There is an enormous difference between asking, “What should I do?” and asking,  “What information would help me make this decision?”

The first question places the answer outside you. The second allows other people to contribute without asking them to take over. This matters in helping relationships too. A good coach, counsellor, therapist or mentor should not become another person whose approval you need.

Good guidance should help you make your own decisions. A coach, counsellor, therapist or mentor can ask questions you haven’t considered, offer knowledge, challenge an assumption or help you see choices you didn’t know were available. But ultimately, you are the person who has to live the life that choice creates. Good guidance helps you find your answer without making the decision for you.

Start With One Decision

You do not have to wake up tomorrow morning suddenly certain about everything. That would simply give self-doubt another impossible standard to meet. Start smaller.

The next time you notice yourself reaching for your phone to ask someone what you should do, wait a moment before you make the call. Instead, consider this, In an ideal world, what would I like to happen? You are not committing to anything by answering the question. You are simply giving yourself a chance to discover what you want before everyone else’s opinions enter the room.

Then you can ask, “What am I worried will happen if I make this decision myself?” That question may tell you far more than another person’s advice ever could. Maybe you are afraid someone will be disappointed, that you’ll make a mistake or that you’ll have to justify your choice.

Notice it. Question it. Then choose. Not because you are guaranteed to get it right.  Because this is your life, and you deserve the opportunity to discover what happens when you participate fully in creating it.

Once you know what you would like to happen and what you’re worried about, you can consider the realities of the situation. Gather whatever information you need and listen to the perspectives of people you trust. Their advice may change your mind or it may open a possibility you didn’t know existed. The difference is that your own preference was part of the decision from the beginning instead of something you let someone else determine.

There will still be people whose wisdom matters to you, and there will still be times when you ask for help. There will also be decisions you wish you had made differently. That is not failure. That is a life being lived.

And each time you listen to what you know, consider the information available and make your own choice, you gather something self-doubt has kept from you for far too long. Evidence.

Evidence that you can choose.

Evidence that you can change your mind.

Evidence that you can handle an outcome you didn’t expect.

Evidence that you can learn.

Evidence that you can choose again.

You do not have to know that every decision will be right before you trust yourself enough to make it. Nobody gets that deal. What you can know is that the final say in your life belongs with the person who has to live it.

You.

Blog Posts Navigating Life Changes
Featured

Can You Be Thankful After Abuse Without Lying to Yourself?

Can You Be Thankful After Abuse Without Lying to Yourself?

Be grateful. Look for the lesson. Find the blessing in what you’ve been through.

We hear messages like these all the time. On the surface, they sound hopeful. They suggest there is something good waiting to be found, even in the hardest experiences of our lives.

But after abuse, those words are harsh. Because what exactly are you supposed to be grateful for? The lies? The betrayal? The control? The cruel words? The fear? The things that happened to you that should never have happened?

You may even hear someone tell you to find the blessing in what you went through. There is fire in your eyes and your response is immediate, “I’m not thankful for what happened. Not even a little.”

And then another question can creep in. “Is there something wrong with me because I feel this way?”

No. Gosh NO! There is nothing wrong with you.

You do not have to be thankful for what happened to you. And I think it is time we stopped expecting women to be.

When Gratitude Took Me Backward Instead of Forward

When I first started a gratitude practice, I believed it would help me move forward. I had a personal life coach who asked me to write down ten things every day that I was grateful for. It sounded simple enough. Except I couldn’t do it.

I would sit there trying to think of something I was grateful for, and instead my mind would return to everything I had been through. The lies. The betrayals. The control. The harsh words. The look in their eyes just before their fist hit its mark. The silent treatment.

The anger was still there. The resentment was still there. Instead of helping me appreciate my life, the exercise seemed to pull my attention straight back into the past.

I couldn’t come up with ten things. In all honesty, at first I couldn’t come up with one.

And I remember wondering, “What am I doing wrong?” I felt defeated. Here was another thing that was supposed to help me, and apparently I couldn’t even do gratitude properly.

Except gratitude wasn’t the problem. And neither was I. I was trying to make myself feel something that wasn’t true.

You Don’t Have to Find the Silver Lining in Harm

There can be tremendous pressure to make meaning out of painful experiences. Maybe everything happens for a reason. The experience probably made you stronger and there is a possibility that someday you’ll be grateful it happened. But what if you aren’t?

My experience has shown me that you don’t have to reshape what happened to make it easier to carry. You don’t have to find something good in someone else’s harmful behaviour. You certainly don’t have to justify their actions. And you don’t have to become thankful for abuse in order to prove that you have moved forward.

What happened, happened. You are allowed to tell the truth about it.

But here is where something changed for me. I realized that not being grateful for what happened didn’t mean it had no place in my life. I had simply been looking for it in the wrong place.

What If Thankfulness Isn’t About the Past at All?

One morning, instead of trying to be grateful, I decided to be thankful. That tiny change made an enormous difference. Suddenly, I could think of four things.

Air.

Food.

Water.

A place to sleep.

Nothing profound. Nothing inspirational. I wasn’t trying to convince myself that my life was wonderful. I wasn’t searching for a lesson hidden inside everything I had endured. I wasn’t asking myself to feel differently about the past. I was simply noticing what was supporting me right now. And I could truthfully say. “Thank you.”That was something I could do.

Gratitude and Thankfulness Are Not the Same Thing

We tend to use the words gratitude and thankfulness interchangeably, but my experience of them has been very different. Gratitude is often presented as a practice. Something we deliberately do to focus our attention on what is good in our lives.

Thankfulness, as I experience it, begins with noticing. I notice something that is here, something that is helping me, comforting me or simply making this moment a little easier, and the natural response is, “Thank you.”

That distinction changed everything for me. With gratitude, I was searching for something I thought I was supposed to feel. With thankfulness, I was noticing something that was already true.

Gratitude as a practice says,  write the list, keep the journal, find the good. It says train yourself to focus on the positive. And for some people, that can be very helpful.

But after abuse, being told to “be grateful” can become another expectation you feel you aren’t meeting. You may try to make the list and find your thoughts travelling straight back to what happened. Then instead of feeling better, you begin wondering why you can’t do what everyone says is supposed to help.

Thankfulness gave me another way. I didn’t have to manufacture it. I could notice something real in my life and allow the thank you to come naturally afterward. That’s an important distinction. Thankfulness wasn’t something I had to force myself to feel. It was something I began to notice.

A Different Question to Ask Yourself

So instead of asking, “What should I be grateful for?” try asking, “What is here, right now, that is not hurting me?” Don’t look for ten things. Don’t even look for five. Find one.

Maybe it is the cup of tea sitting beside you.

Maybe it is the dog sleeping at your feet.

Maybe it is the sun coming through the window.

Maybe it is a friend who answered the phone.

Maybe it is having your own key to your own front door.

Maybe it is the quiet.

Maybe it is simply having enough food for today.

Notice it. And if a thank you comes, let it come. “Thank you for this.” That’s enough. If a “thank you” doesn’t come, don’t force it. As you begin noticing what is here at this moment a quiet “thank you” will eventually come.

You Are Not Rewriting the Past

This is what I came to understand about thankfulness. It didn’t require me to change the truth about my past. It changed where I was placing my attention in the present. For a moment, I wasn’t looking backward. I was noticing my life as it existed right then.

And slowly, I began discovering that there were parts of my life that had nothing to do with what I had been through. There were moments when I could breathe more easily. There were things I enjoyed. There were people I trusted. There were choices that belonged to me.

There were ordinary little pieces of life that supported me every single day. The past hadn’t changed, but the past was no longer the only thing I could see. That is a very different kind of thankfulness.

There Is No Deadline for Feeling Thankful

Your mind may still go back to what happened. Mine did. You may notice something lovely and immediately remember something painful. That doesn’t erase the lovely thing. And it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

You don’t have to force yourself past anger, sadness or resentment to reach some imaginary finish line where you are finally grateful for everything. Thankfulness can exist alongside the truth. You can say, “What happened to me was wrong.” and, “Thank you for this warm bed.” You can say, “I wish I had never experienced that and, “Thank you for the friend who stayed.” You can say, “I am not grateful for what happened.” and still discover things in the life you are creating that are worthy of a thank you. Both can be true.

Start With One Thing

So today, don’t make yourself a gratitude list because someone told you that you should. Instead, look around. Ask yourself. “What is here, right now, that is not hurting me?” Find one thing. Notice it. Let it be enough. Tomorrow, perhaps you’ll notice another.

And over time, you may discover something rather beautiful. Thankfulness doesn’t ask you to lie about where you’ve been. It helps you notice that what happened to you is not the whole of the life you are living now. And there may be far more here to say thank you for than you realized.

Want to explore this with me a little further? I talk about this more personally in the Wisdom Wednesday episode Can You Be Thankful After Abuse Without Lying to Yourself?

You may also find this article helpful, I’m Sorry, I’m Not Sorry.

Healing Practices
Featured

This Is Why Nothing You Try Is Working

It didn’t happen all at once. There wasn’t a single moment she could point to and say, that’s when everything changed. It was quieter than that.

At first, it was just a feeling. A pause in the morning that lingered a little longer than usual. A moment in the mirror where something felt, unfamiliar. Not wrong. Just, not quite right.

She was doing everything she needed to do. Getting through the day. Taking care of what mattered. Showing up for the people who counted on her. She had learned how to keep things moving. Even on the days when her energy was low or her thoughts felt heavy or something inside of her just wanted to stop. She knew how to push through the exhaustion. She knew how to stay calm in conversations that didn’t feel safe, how to choose her words carefully so things didn’t escalate. She had learned how to read the room. To notice tone. To sense when something was about to shift. She had learned how to carry things quietly. The tension. The confusion. The moments that stayed with her long after they were over.

And over time, that way of living became normal. So normal, in fact, that even when life became quieter her body didn’t immediately follow. It still held the patterns of staying alert of staying careful of staying in control.

And from the outside, her life looked steady. But inside, there was a distance she couldn’t quite explain.

She noticed it in small ways. The way decisions felt harder than they used to. The way she would second-guess herself, even on simple things. The way her emotions would either rise too quickly or not come at all. Sometimes she felt overwhelmed. Sometimes she felt nothing. And neither felt like her.

So, she did what most of us do. She tried to figure it out.  Maybe she needed a better routine. Maybe she needed more discipline. Maybe there was something she just hadn’t uncovered yet. She began looking for answers. Reading. Listening. Trying to understand what was happening inside of her.  And for a while, that felt helpful. It gave her something to hold onto. Something to work with. But over time, something else began to happen. The more she searched, the further away she seemed to feel.  Because every new idea, every new explanation, quietly carried the same message underneath it. There’s something here that needs to be fixed. And she started to wonder, what if I just haven’t found it yet?

It’s a confusing place to be in. Frustrating, in a way that’s hard to explain. Because you’re doing everything you can and still not finding the answers you’re looking for. You’re not falling apart. You’re functioning. You’re managing. You are still holding it all together. And still, something feels off.

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. And I want to offer you something.

What if this isn’t about finding the thing that’s wrong? What if what you’re feeling is not a sign that something is missing but a sign that something within you has been waiting for your attention? Because when a woman has lived through difficult seasons, whether it was a relationship that took more than it gave or years of putting herself second or simply carrying more than anyone ever saw, something very real happens.

She adapts. She becomes strong in ways she never planned to be. She learns how to keep going. How to hold it together, how to get through. And over time she can begin to lose touch with her own voice.  Not because she’s done anything wrong. But because she’s been doing what she needed to do. She’s been surviving.

And survival, even when it’s quiet, has a way of pulling our attention outward. To what needs to be done. To what’s expected. To what keeps everything moving. And slowly, without even noticing it the connection to her own voice can become harder to hear.

So, when she finally pauses, when things begin to slow down, even just a little, she doesn’t immediately feel clarity. She feels uncertainty. Not because she doesn’t know who she is. But because she hasn’t had the space to hear herself. And this is the part that often gets misunderstood.

You don’t come back to yourself by searching harder. You don’t reconnect by fixing anything. You rediscover yourself through something much quieter than that. Through safety. Through small moments where nothing is required of you. Through noticing what your body is holding
without rushing past it. Through allowing a feeling to rise without needing to change it. Through listening without immediately questioning what you hear.

At first, it can feel unfamiliar. Even uncomfortable. You’ve spent so long being in motion. But if you stay with it, something begins to shift. You start to feel small moments of stability. A little more clarity. A little more ease. You begin to recognize what feels right for you and what no longer does.

And this is the part that often goes unseen. Because when nothing looks obviously wrong, the instinct is to keep searching for answers. To try harder. To figure it out. To find the thing that will finally make it make sense.

But what if this isn’t something to solve? What if what you’re feeling isn’t a sign that something is wrong but a sign that something within you is ready to be heard? Not fixed. Not changed. Just heard.

And from that place, your choices begin to change. Not because you forced them. Not because you finally found the right strategy. But because you are no longer functioning from disconnection.

You are moving from a place of clarity. And that changes everything.

Your confidence doesn’t come from pushing. Confidence grows from trusting what you feel and knowing that you can respond to it. Your direction becomes clearer. Not all at once, but in a way that feels stable and real. And the life you begin to create starts to feel like it belongs to you again.

This is the work I care about. Not helping you fix yourself. Not helping you search for one more answer. But walking with you as you gently rediscover yourself.

Because nothing about you is missing. Nothing about you needs to be corrected. There is simply a part of you that hasn’t been given the space to be heard. And when she is heard, everything begins to feel different.

If something in this felt familiar, the next step is simple. Book your Heartbreak Freedom Session. On this call, we will talk about where you are and what you dream of. I’ll help you see what’s been happening beneath the surface and guide you toward your next steps with clarity and support.

This is your chance to start creating the life you deserve.

Healing Practices
Featured

Transformation – Hello You!

Have you had the experience of losing yourself? I have had this experience so often in my life that I nearly had a breakdown. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands feeling as if I didn’t exist, only my body did. I was crushed, broken and an empty shell. I had no worth, no existence and I wanted to die.

I also remember having the experience of walking past a mirror, catching a glimpse of myself and saying “Hello You! Where have you been hiding?

You may not have had an experience quite like this but we have all experienced the notion of Who Am I?

It is quite common for a woman to get caught up in being a partner/spouse, mother, friend, daughter, professional, Ms. Fixit, superwoman; all-knowing, all-seeing wonder of the world and lover. Where does she find herself in all of these roles? My gosh, just reading this makes me think women are the epitome of the multiple personality disorder.

No wonder that when divorce, abuse and life’s traumas hit home she cracks and breaks. It is difficult to keep all of these balls in the air. But it is during the times when her world falls apart that she has the opportunity to rediscover her essence, her soul, her one true love, herself.

I like to think of the opportunity to rediscover myself as a gift. Thinking this way does not start out like that. Heavens no! 

Thinking like this occurs during the process of self-discovery. When I realized I’d been given a gift everything changed. I focused more deeply. I got excited about the process, of the discovery. And then reams of information came my way I don’t think I ever could have found if I had spent thousands of hours in the library.

So, accept where you are at. Acknowledge and confirm your emotions, even the painful ones. Acknowledge your emotions as valid responses to your experiences. Accept yourself as you are, scars and all. This is the beginning of the self-discovery process.

Don’t forget about mind moves. Mind moves or the changing of your mind involves moving from a victim mentality to a mind SET of empowerment. Instead of feeling helpless and at the mercy of external circumstances, recognize your natural strength and responsibility in shaping your own destiny. This is the second step to self-discovery.

Allow me to introduce you a few other steps on the path to Hello You. These are easy things you can do to open the door to your heart, your soul, your one true love, you.

Reflect on your core values and beliefs. When was the last time you thought about your core values and beliefs

Values are often taken for granted. They’re just there. We adopt values from our families, friends, cultures, schools, and workplaces. We gather them like flowers along the path. Once we have them, we don’t really look at them and we don’t determine if they benefit our life or need to change. We may glance at them but we don’t really see them. My therapist showed me that values are of the ultimate importance, and it is important to determine the values that are non-negotiable.

Understanding your values can provide clarity and direction to your life.

Explore your strengths and weaknesses. What are you naturally good at? Organization? Networking? Entertaining? Design? Leadership? Administration? Caring for others? Motherhood?

Where do you have opportunities for growth? Emotional regulation? Self-Acceptance? Body positivity? Boundaries? Finding purpose?

Embrace your strengths and weaknesses. This leads to greater self-awareness, builds confidence and self-esteem.

Investigate your passions and interests. What activities bring you joy and fulfillment? If you haven’t gone for a bike ride lately, rent a bike for a day and explore your area. Do you enjoy the water? Rent a kayak or tube and join a group floating the nearest river. Have you wanted to try knitting or crocheting? There are groups everywhere to join in. Stop by a local yarn or craft shop and ask about them. Pick up a paint brush. Paint a room or a canvas. Are you concerned about world events and activism? Browse Facebook, the “net” or Instagram and find a place that aligns with your heart.

Engaging in activities that align with your passions leads to a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Ponder your life experiences, both positive and negative. Play the “I Remember” game. What have been the defining moments in your life? What lessons did you learn from them? You will laugh and you will cry. Both emotions are good for your soul.

Pondering on past experiences can provide valuable insights into your identity and aspirations. And please write them down. Memories not written down are eventually forgotten. I have the thought that if I ever get dementia or Alzheimer’s I would like my family to read these memories to me and the lessons I learned from them.

Cultivate mindfulness and self-reflection practices. Mindfulness techniques such as meditation, journaling, and deep breathing help you connect with your inner self and gain clarity on your thoughts and emotions.

Set goals and intentions for your personal growth. What do you want to achieve in various areas of your life, such as career, relationships, and health? Setting specific and measurable goals provides motivation and direction for growth. Start small. What do you want to accomplish this month or even this week? Pick one area of your life and set one goal or intention.

Step out of your comfort zone and embrace a new challenge. Your comfort zone is that safe, secure and warm area you like live in? Get out of it! Try something that makes your blood pump and mouth go dry.

Growth often occurs outside of the comfort zone, so I encourage you to take a risk and try a new experience that stretches your abilities and expands your horizons.

A friend of mine challenged me to do something that scared me once a week for 12 weeks. I took the challenge. I did not find it too difficult to find something that scared me. I had become so cocooned that even smiling at someone on my daily walk made me sweat.

After learning to smile, I got the nerve to say hello. I held me head up, smiled then said a word or two and kept walking. Pretty soon this practice is now part of who I am and what I do to show kindness in my area of the world. I have made friends in my neighbourhood.

Seek feedback and support from others. Whether it’s from friends, mentors, or professionals, or support groups, feedback provides valuable insights and perspectives for growth.

Find “your tribe”, a place where you share something in common and start sharing. Start asking questions of others. Give input and get input. We are meant to be in community.

Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can provide encouragement and accountability. Something we all need to thrive.

Prioritize continual learning and development. Whether through formal or informal education, self-study, or experiential learning, seek opportunities for growth and expansion of your knowledge and skills. Become a lifelong learner.

Cultivate resilience and adaptability in the face of challenges and setbacks. Yes, that means welcoming challenges and setbacks. Realize this is a period of profound growth and it is not to be feared.

Life is full of ups and downs, but those who can bounce back and adapt to change are better positioned for growth and success.

You don’t need to try everything on this list. Pick one. Start there.

By exploring areas of self-discovery and committing to personal growth, you embark on a transformative journey of self-awareness, empowerment, confidence and fulfillment.

Imagine catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, liking what you see and saying, “Hello You! Where have you been hiding?”

Navigating Life Changes
Featured

Coping With Chaos: A Guide for Wounded Women

How many times in the past few years have you wished you could unplug from the chaos surrounding you?

I remember thinking that I just wanted to get off the merry-go-round. I could not get a grip, a hold on anything. And I doubted everything.

When my wasband was having an affair, I knew it deep in my soul. Even though I knew it, I could not prove it. With no proof, I convinced myself that I was imagining it. But there was that niggling deep down that something was very wrong.

The thoughts that spun around in my mind were chaotic. I suffered. I suffered because I did not know what to believe, including myself. The questions assaulted me day and night. The how’s, the who’s, the what’s, the why’s. Even the question of “What did I do to cause this?”

The chaos leaked over from my mind into my life. At one point I felt completely immobilized. Then, the proof began to rise to the surface. I felt vindicated by the proof, but it did not quiet the chaos. A whole new onslaught of “stinking thinking” took over. I wanted off the merry-go-round and I wanted off NOW!

Chaos refers to a state of disorder, confusion, or unpredictability. It manifests in various forms, disrupting your sense of order and the stability that we look for.

For wounded women, emotional chaos is a prevalent aspect of our lives. This impact of trauma leads to a wide range of intense feelings such as fear, anxiety, anger, and deep sadness. These emotions can surface unexpectedly, contributing to our sense of internal turmoil.

Chaos can be triggered by unexpected events or reminders of past trauma. The unpredictable nature of these triggers adds an element of instability, making it challenging for you to predict and manage your emotional responses.

Chaos extends to all our relationships, with trust issues, difficulties in forming connections, and challenges in keeping healthy boundaries. The aftermath of trauma can affect the way wounded women engage with others, leading to interpersonal struggles and a sense of uncertainty in our social circles.

Wounded women grapple with the unknown, fearing what might come next. We have spent a lot of time trying to control the daily events of our lives, always predicting the worst-case scenario and planning what we would do when the bomb exploded. This uncertainty can further contribute to a sense of chaos in our lives, even when we are removed from the cause of our trauma. Do you feel unable to anticipate or control the challenges ahead?

Trauma shakes the foundations of our identity, leading to a profound loss of self. As wounded women we experience the sense of disconnection from who we once were, contributing to a state of existential chaos as we question our purpose, our values, and our place in the world.

Chaos is often cyclical, with one challenge leading to another. We may find ourselves caught in a loop of difficulties, each compounding the other. Breaking this cycle becomes crucial for restoring a sense of order and control.

Understanding the multifaceted nature of chaos is a crucial step in addressing and navigating the impact on our lives. By acknowledging and dissecting the different dimensions of chaos, we can begin to develop strategies for coping, healing, and reclaiming a sense of stability and purpose.

Within the chaos, there is the potential for healing and growth. The journey towards recovery involves navigating the complexities of trauma, facing challenges, and transforming pain into resilience. This dual nature highlights the absurd coexistence of chaos and potential renewal.

Acknowledging and harnessing this potential can empower you on your journey toward recovery. Let’s explore the ways which healing and growth can emerge amid chaos.

Imagine if you could build resilience as the cornerstone of your healing.

Chaos often unveils the natural resilience and strength within individuals. In navigating the complexities of our experiences, we discover an inner determination that allows us to face adversity head-on. This resilience becomes a cornerstone for our healing.

Each challenge inside the chaos offers us an opportunity to learn and grow. As we face difficulties we get new insights, skills, and perspectives. These lessons contribute to our personal development and resilience.

Think of a time when you said no when you usually would have said yes or maybe would have said nothing at all. These times showed you that the world did not fall apart when you took control of your thoughts, values and notions and stood up for yourself. This recognition shows you that you are strong.

How many times did you keep getting up and keep going, after hardship and misfortune? This shows that you are resilient.

The chaos following trauma prompts a deep exploration of our identity. Through introspection and self-discovery, we have the opportunity to redefine who we are. We get to shed old stories and embrace a more authentic sense of who we are. This process is fundamental to the healing journey.

The chaos of trauma often prompts existential questions. When we seek meaning and purpose, we embark on a journey of profound self-reflection. This quest for significance contributes to a sense of direction and clarity, fostering a deeper understanding of our life’s purpose.

Overcoming chaos nurtures a sense of empowerment. As we navigate and conquer challenges, we gain a newfound belief in our ability to overcome adversity. This empowerment becomes a catalyst for further growth.

Nothing causes the development of coping mechanisms more than chaos. In our quest for stability, we often discover healthy coping strategies. Strategies such as a mindfulness practice, creative outlets, or therapeutic interventions. These tools become essential for managing the impact of chaos.

Chaos tends to pull us into the hullabaloo of past traumas or anxieties about an uncertain future. Through mindfulness practices, wounded women can cultivate an awareness of the present moment. The benefit of mindfulness is the reduction of overwhelming emotions and the fostering of a sense of calm amid the chaos.

Healing is often helped through connections with others who understand and empathize. As wounded women we can find solace in support networks— with fellow survivors, friends, and family. Building and nurturing these connections becomes a source of emotional sustenance and shared strength.

Seeking professional help, with a focus on your outcome rather than a reminder of your past, can be a transformative step toward healing. Therapists provide guidance, tools, and a safe space for processing trauma, fostering growth, and facilitating the integration of coping mechanisms.

Chaos often involves significant change. Embracing change as a catalyst for personal transformation allows women to reshape their stories. This adaptability becomes a powerful force for positive change.

The potential for healing and growth during chaos lies in the resilience, self-discovery, empowerment, and connections that emerge through the journey of overcoming trauma. By recognizing and nurturing these aspects, wounded women can navigate the complexities of their experiences and move towards a future marked by strength, purpose, and renewed well-being. We believe that when a woman heals, the world is healed, one woman at a time.